01x06 - F.U.B.A.R.

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Flesh and Bone"...

They'll tell you it was a family issue, sir.

Just me, my dad, and my brother.

I know we haven't spoken since you were here.

I hope you're okay.

The boy learns the man and woman are not his mother and father.

Imposters...

Paid to play house.

Ross is very upset.

I'm sure you'll be dazzling in "Rubies."

Trey please step in.

What?

That is my husband. He's a kind man.

He takes care of me.

I'm exhausted.

I want you to see a neurologist.

It's my eye. One's not working right.

It's probably just a nutrition thing.

Take good care of it. It means a lot to me.

But can't you just give me the results over the phone?

My eye is fine.

sh*t.

Okay, I'll come by on my lunch break.

Thanks.

Monica, you eat disgusting things.

Your baby will have sh*t for brains.

My baby will be an enlightened being with a caustic wit and opposable thumbs.

Listen up, pretty people!

Just want to remind you about the Thanksgiving schedule.

You will have tomorrow off, all the way through the weekend.

I know, I know.

You can pay me later, cash or bonbons -- your call.

There's more.

There's nothing worse than going home for the holidays...

I'd rather get a wisdom tooth pulled...

At least they give you dr*gs for that.

Got it?

Where's home for you?

Do I need to repeat that?

Overland Park, Kansas.

Have a relaxing holiday.

All right, but now we work.

Barres, please.

Where's home for you?

Pittsburgh.

Steel Town?

Yikes.

Pasha, you join princess and me, yeah?

You make shuba?

I make shuba, but of course, with red caviar.

Then of course.

Is that a bratwurst in a sweater?

Is she going to give birth to a walrus?

She's like a walking mailbox with arms.

She's beautiful!

She's f*cking pregnant. Have some respect.

Who are you all of a sudden -- her wet nurse?

Got the tits for it.

And he's tackled at the 35.

Hello?

It's me.

He did not get it.

Again, they run it up the middle for no gain.

Um, how are you?

Who's that on the phone?

You there?

Yeah, I'm here.

Could you please tell me how you're doing?

5:00 left in the half.

I'm fine.

The defense will use their second time-out.

You sure?

What do you want, Claire?

How's Pop?

Same.

Is he watching football?

What do you think?

Who's on the phone?!

Boy, that was a great call...

Is Cromarti taking me down to the friggin' lodge or what?

You gonna do a turkey?

It's easy.

Preheat the oven to 450, keep it in for 20 minutes per pound.

I'll probably just defrost some Swansons.

Same difference.

You hear me, fucko?!

I heard you. It's not Cromarti.

Well, then hang the f*ck up and get me another beer.

Has Pop been asking about me?

I told him you weren't coming.

Maybe I should, though.

Bryan?

What?

Should I come home?

Up to you.

Hello, Mia. Come in.

Close the door.

Take a seat.

Hi.

Hi, there.

Can I get a hot dog, please?

Mustard, ketchup?

Give me the works.

Very nice.

You're both beautiful.

Let's take that section again.

Claire, you're up.

Uh, Ross, you good?

Good.

Great.

All right.

Just the second half.

Here we go.

Yes!

You're feeling it!

Did you not feel that?

I felt it.

Ross?

Hell, yeah.

Great work, everyone.

You're connecting, and you're really investing.

I actually got goose bumps that time.

Do you see these f*cking goose bumps, people?!

All right.

I say...

Get the hell out of here and go enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Oh, my god. I can get an earlier train.

I love you!

My mom loves you.

Cocktails!

Be well, my gorgeous creatures.

Rest your bodies and your hearts.

And don't be afraid to eat.

Come.

Toni Cannava -- visionary, spirit guide.

What's up?

I broke them early. They've been k*lling it.

And she is a benevolent leader.

I'm so delighted to hear that.

Well, it's an awesome group, Paul.

They're really responding, even Claire.

Excellent.

You hustling to catch a train?

No, just walking home.

Preparing for a joyous familial feast?

My folks are flying in from Illinois.

They love to play mom and pop for all my pals.

What about you?

Any big plans? Home for the holidays?

Oh, no.

Quiet night, bottle of wine, Chinese takeout, classic Billy Wilder movie.

Well, enjoy.

You too.

A little bird tells me you're all fabulous.

But perhaps...

I should be the judge of your collective brilliance.

Wouldn't you say that's a sound idea, Ashley?

Of course, if anyone has a pressing need to be elsewhere, feel free to go.

Be my guest.

So, show me, geniuses.

Who has the music?

I assume you've all been fastidiously listening.

Which movement do you want?

"Childhood."

I must go, darling.

Claire won't disappoint.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Anyone else need to leave?

Stop.

Again.

Stop.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Stop.

If I miss my flight because of this maniac...

My train left 20 minutes ago.

Stop... f*cking... talking.

Mona, dear.

Yes?

You're fired.

Why?

Because I just don't need you anymore.

But did I do something?

The door has an exit sign above it for a reason.

Happy Thanksgiving.

And again.

Once more.

Now!

Stop!

Since you're all so excruciatingly displeasing to watch, you will not have the pleasure of accompaniment.

It smells like weakness in here.

It reeks... of mediocrity!

You've all fallen prey to some bloated, sophomoric idea.

"I'm not dancing, I'm feeling!"

You disgust me.

You've been seduced by all this emotional body/soul mumbo jumbo, this Cannavian witchcraft!

Nothing will replace the technical and the physical foundation that I have given to you --

Nothing!

Here's your accompaniment.

Now do it again!

4, 5, 6!

Ballet is a classical dance form, demanding grace and precision.

Rigor!

Craft!

You will be lucky if you come anywhere close to perfection in your lifetime!

We're done here.

Each of you need to look deep inside and ask yourselves if this is where you belong.

I'll be making some changes after the holiday.

Good night.

f*cking maniac!

f*cking narcissistic f*ck!

I missed my flight.

That was supreme bullshit.

That was terrorism.

You know this is typical of him right now.

The holidays is when he brings the f*cking darkness.

That was way beyond darkness.

He's Paul. He can't help it.

Epic f*cking darkness.

You can't take it personally.

You're telling me Mona shouldn't take what just happened personally?

Making changes? You know what that means.

I'm calling Kiira. Time to make a plan.

LaGuardia.

Molly!

Yes, mommy?

You get to dress up tomorrow.

We're going to Cafe Confit.

I mean, you would think so, right?

Uh, who in their right mind would expect such a crazy move at the end of the quarter?

Girls, no running, please.

Well, good for Chipper Harlington.

Chipper "The Dipper" Harlington.

The red ripper himself.

Here's to him.

Where's Brice?

No clue.

Sorry, oh, wife of mine.

Girls, where'd your brother go?

Can we go look for him?

Yeah, can we go look for him?

You may, but no running, please.

I'd just spent a fortune rolling the clay courts, which were suddenly maligned by scores of deer poop.

Deer poop, hitchy. Deer poop.

Don't be fooled by that species' overrated, so-called elegance.

They're actually long-legged rodents with pretty eyes.

Speaking of sh*t...

Prescott, tomorrow, when you go see your father and Brenda or Janet or Yum-yum or whatever post-graduate, anorectic scurvy he's arranging in his yoga room these days, please tell him that I still need to get the wooden braces for my old tennis rackets.

He was supposed to send me those ages ago.

Where are you going?

I heard my cellphone ringing.

Excuse me.

She's like grains of sand.

Beautiful Ukrainian sand.

He knows I'm coming, right?

Yeah, he knows.

Hi, daddy.

Come here so I can see you.

Well, look what the goddamned cat dragged in.

You're taking pity on your old man, huh, sweet pea?

Well, maybe someone will get a good meal around here.

Johansen over there makes everything taste like ground shoelaces.

You hungry?

No.

I'm thirsty, though.

Always thirsty.

Get me a beer!

How's your pain?

Oh, now you suddenly care?

Been doing your exercises?

How am I supposed to exercise when the place is such a dump?

If fucko there would lift a finger once in a while, maybe there'd be some space!

Doesn't look so bad in here. It's...

And you're a lousy liar.

I can't tell you the last time I heard a vacuum cleaner or smelled some friggin' pine-sol.

Your brother, the marine.

Poor excuse for a man ain't even a... waiter as far as I'm concerned.

Ain't even a busboy!

I got it.

I said I got it!

Night, pop.

Night.

Night.

Where's the pepper mill?

That's the spice rack.

Yeah, pepper's a spice.

Pepper's not a spice. It's a seasoning.

Can you stir this?

Make sure to keep the flame low.

Okay, I got a real doozy for youse two.

Just one?

Just one, pop?

Heh, hold your horses.

Okay, here we go.

I knew this guy from Philly, this, uh, carpenter named McCrackinhalf.

He swallowed an entire can of shellac.

McCrackinhalf?

Yeah, Kenny McCrackinhalf.

Heard this one yet?

Yeah, only a thousand times.

Well, ask me if the dingdong d*ed!

Did McCrackinhalf die?

Of course he d*ed.

But he certainly had a fine finish.

That's it? You only got one?

Okay, no, I got one more -- best one yet.

You ready?

Here goes.

Jesus loves you.

It's a great thing to hear in a church.

Not so great a thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Hey, fucko.

Get in here. I got to drop a deuce.

Damn it.

Oh, yeah.

You sure you got that, pop?

How many f*cking times have I done this?

Just making sure.

Hit it, pop.

Mmm. Good.

Feels like I was gone forever.

Then again, not at all.

It-- it was... messed up over there.

Bad things happened.

To my unit, to me.

Things I saw...

Things I did...

Stuff I never thought I was capable of...

I don't think I'll ever get the sound of chinooks out of my head.

But mostly...

You have no idea how hard it was for me to be stuck over there knowing... what you were going through back here.

I don't want to talk about it.

Please just listen.

I never should have had to go.

It was f*cked up.

But the thought of you-- it kept me going.

Sometimes, I would close my eyes and just... see your face, imagining how you were handling things...

How those final months must've been for you.

I know it wasn't easy, Claire.

You got to know I know that.

What was it?

Please just tell me.

Did we have a boy or a girl?

Shut your f*cking mouth, you worthless piece of sh*t.

You're f*cking garbage. You're nothing.

You should've had the decency to die over there.

That's what you were hoping for.

That's why you made him go.

Don't you dare talk back to me.

Hello?

It's Kiira.

Surprise!

Oh, come in!

Kiira!

Oh, Ray!

Daphne.

Aww, princess!

Pasha.

Mona, my dear, sweet Mona.

Thank you.

Aww. Come in!

Happy Thanksgiving, Paul.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ross.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Sweetheart, eat your cranberry sauce.

It looks like blood.

Don't be silly.

Blood from a smelly pig's butt.

That is very special, yummy, Thanksgiving cranberry sauce.

Very yummy.

It's smelly pig butt.

Okay, that's enough.

Let's talk about tomorrow, okay?

What would you like to do?

We could go to that nice bookstore on 16th street.

Where's daddy?

Molly, you know why daddy's not here.

No, I don't. No, I don't.

No, I don't!

Hey, hey, come on.

We're having a very special night together, just you and me.

Smelly pig's butt!

Okay, Molly -- - Smelly pig's butt!

Pig butt, pig butt.

That's enough, sweetheart.

Pig's butt, pig butt, pig butt, smelly pig's butt.

Okay.

♪Sing us a song, you're the piano man♪

♪Sing us a song tonight♪

Your family had a black lab named Derek Jeter?

And a black cat named Sambo.

That -- That's messed up.

Ironically, my mother didn't get the irony.

Meanwhile, I'm scarred for life.

Derek Jeter...

Toto, thank god I'm not in Kansas anymore.

Did you just call me "Toto"?

You saw how he greeted you.

You're gonna be totally fine, girlfriend.

Don't worry.

He's already forgotten all about it.

Look at how much fun he's having.

I'm dying over here.

Oh, let's keep drinking.

Can we go home now?

What can I do for you, Ross?

I was wondering if you might be a good host and show me this secret study that everyone's been raving about.

I hear you have an incredible library.

You're more than welcome to go in there by yourself.

I'm actually quite familiar with my secret study.

It's hardly a secret to me.

I've seen it thousands and thousands of times.

Ross, Stop!

Ross!

Mishka!

We had a girl.

They said she was beautiful.

They say you can't choose your family, but here at the American Ballet Company, we have done exactly that.

We have disproved the platitude.

I have chosen each and every one of you, and each and every one of you chooses to believe in me and in the mission of this miracle-making company.

Even Mona here... who is no longer with us.

But I want you to know, my dear Mona, that Jessica is prepared to write a favorable recommendation on your behalf.

We take care of our own.

Isn't that right, Trey?

It's family, in the truest sense of the word.

And another thing -- why the hell not?

Since we're all gathered here, I just wanted to take this opportunity to lay to rest a certain purple rumor.

Trey's recent promotion has absolutely nothing to do with our romantic relationship.

Trey earned his role in "Rubies" the traditional way, with old-fashioned, exacting hard work.

To us.

To us.

Crank up the music!

So, how'd it go with doctor?

My eye's fine.

Oh, my god. You got to try this.

Where's Claire?

She's new.

She doesn't know.

Such a wonderful surprise, everyone.

Truly a wonderful night.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you. Good night, Mia.

Bye.

Kiira, darling.

Darling.

Pasha, Pasha, these hands, these hands, mm.

Paul.

Go.

Get out of here!

Daphne, good night.

Move these barricades back. Watch your feet.

Thank you.

Blood is in the water.

What?

Blood is in the water.

Blood is in the water.

Blood is in the water.

Blood is in the water. Blood is in the water.

Hold up, miss.

I live here.