01x11 - The Prank of the Century

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything". Aired: July 2015 to January 2017.*
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"Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything" is about a professional teenage video gamer, who is forced to go to high school for the first time, after a thumb injury. Coping with his new lifestyle, he focuses on friendships and visualizes life as a video game.
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01x11 - The Prank of the Century

Post by bunniefuu »

[laughing] Guys, look.

This prank is awesome.

Check out what happens when this kid rips one on his grandma's birthday cake.

Happy 90th birthday, Nana.

[flatulence, fire whooshes, Nana screams]

All: Oh! [laughs]

That is one of the top five wig fires I've ever seen.

It was last year's most-viewed prank.

That little cake farter won 1,000 bucks.

Well, this year, I'm winning the Pranktube contest.

I'm working on something so big, it is going to break the internet.

A video that makes my arch-enemy Janice the librarian look like a big, rampaging ape from my new favorite game, Big Rampaging Ape.

I can see that.

She has those big, hairy feet, and eats a ton of bananas.

And I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure she threw poop at a kid once.

This video is going to be my opus.

My masterpiece.

My Granny Cake Fart.

Maybe we should do a prank video.

Yeah. If we put our heads together, we could think of...

I could think of something way better than Wendell's.

Then we can win 1,000 bucks.

The key is finding a victim. The perfect mark.

Oh, I know a guy named Mark.

What we need is a person who's naive, trusting, and slightly annoying.

Hey, friends. Who's in the moody for a little howdy doody?

I think we found our mark.

[whispers] Forget Mark. Let's get Franklin.

[title music]

1x11 - The Prank of the Century

Hey, gamers, here's how to come up with the perfect prank.

Normally, you would go to one of your classic pranks.

There's your scare. [shrieking]

Your emotional destruction. [wailing]

And everybody's favorite, the crotch sh*t.

[groans]

But if you're gonna pull off the prank of the century, you have to study your victim, and come up with something specific just for them.

Have I got news for you. Big news.

You know who you're looking at?

The owner of seven night lights.

I'm also the descendant of the incredible... Wet Willy!

My great-uncle was the bravest daredevil that ever lived.

His legend started at birth, when he came out butt first, as if daring the world to kiss it.

And kiss it they did.

Fascinating.

Tell us more about this Wet Weirdo.

Well, he was known round the world for his greatest stunt... going over our town's majestic Redwood Falls in a barrel.

That's when the prank landed right in our laps.

So you're telling me that you think that I can go over Redwood Falls in a barrel?

Of course you can.

You got your great-uncle's daredevil blood running through your veins.

Hm. I never thought of it like that.

You know, maybe you're right. [chuckles]

Are you kidding?

You can't even walk across the street without holding the crossing guard's hand.

I'll have you know I've been walking hands-free for almost three days now.

Ha! See? Crossing the street by yourself, going over the falls in a barrel... they're practically the same thing.

You know what? I'll do it.

I can even wear my great-uncle's jumpsuit.

He d*ed in it! [laughs]

Are you sure about this, Conor?

He's no daredevil. He's scared of ladybugs.

[chuckles] Ash, he's not actually going over the falls.

We're just gonna make him think he did.

Oh!

I don't get it.

Okay, once he's in the barrel, we'll shake it around a little bit, and make him think he's actually going over the falls.

Then, when he's celebrating like an idiot, we'll show him the real video, and we'll all have a big laugh.

I don't know. Franklin's pretty smart.

You really think he'll be that easy to trick?

Hey, buddy. Oh, you got a ladybug on your shoulder. [gasps, exhales]

I think we'll be okay.

Okay, so every day, Janice eats her lunch while flipping through her favorite book, Shirtless Greek Gods.

So I put it on top of the bookshelf.

Without that book, she'll go nuts.

I've got hidden cameras all over the place to capture the beast on its rampage. [giggles]

♪ It's chest time ♪

[giggles]

Ooh, today, let's start with Zeus.

The god of perfect buns and abs like...

Oh... Zeus? Zeus?

Where are you?

[grunting]

[groans]

What is this?

Hey, who put their doll up here?

Well, you lost it now.

Time to bring in the air support.

How'd your rockin' little god bods get up here?

This is the greatest thing ever. [laughs]

Wendell!

You little... oh-oh... [thud]

Okay, once we seal you in the barrel, we'll hoist you to the top of the falls, drop you in the river, and down you'll go.

Down the falls, he means, 'cause you'll definitely be in the water doing this stunt for real.

Ya know, you'd think I'd be nervous, but I'm doing fine.

I'm not thirsty right now.

Okay, there's a camera inside.

And we can stay in touch with this.

Today, I become a man who knows no fear!

A legend, unafraid of anything!

Wait. Where's my Fuzzy Bunny? I need my Fuzzy Bunny!

[imitates static] Yep. Roger that.

Here comes the crane. Time to go.

Franklin: Okay. So far, things are going pretty good.

[screaming]

Uh-oh. Mr. Fuzzy Bunny just had a little accident all over my pants.

Okay, they're dropping you into the water now.

[screaming]

Maybe we should postpone this. Sounds like the river's raging hard.

[screaming]

Get ready for a bumpy ride. Game on.

All right, we're pulling you out of the water now.

I did it, I did it!

I can't wait to show him the video.

[gasping]

[sighs]

I danced with Lady Danger, and I left her breathless by the punch bowl, saying...

"Who was that fearless man?

Okay, Mr. Fearless, there's something you gotta know.

No! There's something you gotta know!

Because of you two, I now know what it is to be alive!

My whole life, I've been nothing.

But now, I've accomplished something that no one can ever take away from me.

Oh, yes, we can...

Was there something you wanted to tell me?

Uh... yeah.

You, my friend, have made Wet Willy proud.

So we're really not going to upload the video of us pranking Franklin?

We can't. He'll be crushed.

You saw how happy he was when he thought he went over the falls.

For the first time in his life, he feels like he did something great.

What's so bad about that?

[over PA] Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Fearless Franklin!

That's what's so bad about that.

Prepare to witness my death-defying stunt, the horizontal rail slide. [gasps]

[squeaking]

[squeaking continues]

You're welcome, America!

Stay in school, kids.

So... when am I going to see the video of me conquering the falls?

I-I-It's not ready yet.

You see, we sh*t it in hi-def, so we gotta compress it, and then, uncompress it, then recompress it, so the video doesn't get all...

Pixilated and diminish the optimal osculation composition.

Yeah, that!

Well, keep me in the loop.

My fans are clamoring to see me in all my glory.

[cape tears]

All my glory.

Well, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry, so... see ya later, Janice.
You.

Look at what you've done to me.

My knee is sprained, my arm is dislocated, and I've had to cover up my best feature... my beautiful neck.

Oh, come on, Janice.

You've got plenty of other beautiful features, like, uh...

A-At least you're alive.

You know what I've dreamed about for a long time?

A cat that turns into a boyfriend?

The day that I could call Principal Nordahl and have you sent to juvie.

No no no, you can't do that.

I've narked on half the kids in there!

Say good-bye to your freedom, Ruckus.

Please don't.

I'm a desperate man here. I'll do anything.

Oh, really? [giggling]

There you guys are!

[both groaning]

Nailed it!

Ya know, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you guys were trying to hide from me.

No, we're not. I knew we should've gone to Wendell's.

Oh, you're doing your little game-y thing?

Cute.

"Cute?!"

Uh, do I need to remind you I used to be a world-ranked pro gamer?

Used to be. [chuckles] Yesterday's news, Conor.

I'm the one people are talking about now.

Okay, good for you, Franklin.

We're just gonna go back to playing Ultimate Hero.

See, that's the difference between me and you guys.

While you're in here playing Ultimate Hero, I'm out there being an ultimate hero. [chuckles]

That's it! You never went over the falls, Franklin!

It was all a prank.

A prank? [chuckles]

Oh, please. [chuckles] I heard the crane, the rushing water.

I was in that barrel when it went over the falls.

There's no way you faked the whole thing.

[Franklin screaming]

You faked the whole thing!

I'm a fraud.

[music]

[whirring]

That's it! You b*rned out another Weed Whacker.

I'm going home!

Juvie.

Fine. I'll get another one.

Eh, just grab a needle and a bucket.

I've got some back boils that aren't gonna drain themselves.

Man, Franklin took it pretty hard.

I learned a valuable lesson.

No good can ever come from telling someone the truth.

Well, that's why we're here, to cheer him up.

We'll show him we deleted the video, and take him go-karting. Problem solved.

[cell phone chimes]

It's a video message from Franklin.

Hello, former friends.

Because of your prank, I've come to re-evaluate my life.

I will no longer live in fear.

I will go over the falls for real this time.

And when I reach the bottom, I will be a man who has conquered his fears!

Or very, very dead.


[both screaming]

I don't see Franklin. Maybe he hasn't gone over yet.

We have to get to the top and see if we can stop him.

Oh, hey, hold on.

There's some idiot trying to go over the falls in a barrel.

What?!

That's our idiot!

[crash]

[both screaming]

That's it. I can't do it anymore.

I pushed you all across town for your stupid errands.

How much yarn and peanut brittle does a woman need?

I like to snack while I craft, Wendell.

Listen, Janice, I'm not un-sorry for what I did.

But I just can't be your servant anymore.

Well, you should've thought about that before you left me looking like this. Look at me, I'm a mess.

Hey, most of that's from poor life choices.

Whoa, it's Captain Sparkles!

He's a famous gaming commentator.

I'm gonna go get an autograph.

Oh, no, you're not.

You're gonna go into that store and get me a hand fan, so you can cool me down.

I'm getting a little clammy.

Oh, come on!

Oh, hello. [laughs]

Um, hi.

Do you want me to sign something for your kids?

[chuckles] Oh. That's funny.

To think I'm old enough to have kids. [chuckles]

So I hear you're a captain. I love a man with a boat.

I don't have a boat.

I also love men without boats.

Listen, there are people waiting, so unless you want me to sign something...

Oh, I do. You can sign my neck. It's my best feature.

Yeah, it really is.

Oh, thank you.

You... You're not hurt!

Oh, Wendell, oh I tried to walk, but I was in such excruciating pain.

[groans] So did you get the fan?

You were faking it the whole time!

No, no, I swear, I was just trying to be brave.

You're a fraud.

No, no.

You're a phony!

And you're... [Janice screaming] ...headin' for the river?

[loud splash]

Ooh.

Did you find him?

I found this.

It's all that's left of Franklin's barrel!

It smashed into a billion pieces on those rocks!

Maybe it wasn't his barrel.

Could've been anybody's barrel.

It was his! [sobbing]

I can't believe it. He's gone... because of us! He's gone!

This is all our fault.

What... have.... we... done?

Guys.

Guys!

Can you give us a minute?

We just lost our friend.

[gasping]

[stammering]

Barrel... The falls...

[stammering gibberish]

Smash on the rocks into itty-bitty bits. What did you do?

Are you a ghost?

Because legally, you have to tell us if you're a ghost.

[laughing]

Ahhh. That, my friends, is how you pull a prank.

But you made us think you were dead!

And it was hilarious!

And you filmed us crying and looking like idiots.

I know. Even more hilarious!

And you're probably gonna submit it to Pranktube and embarrass us.

No need, since it's already going out live on our Thumbs of Fury channel. Say hi.

Hey, game... [voice cracks]

[normal voice] Hey, gamers.

I guess, if you pull a prank, that's how you do it.

Turns out we were the perfect marks.

Uh, guys.

Is that our librarian in a wheelchair going over the falls?

[Janice screaming]

[loud splashing]

[spits out]

Hey, kids. See you at school Monday.

[classical music]

[sounds from the King Kong movie]

[chuckles] That Pranktube money is as good as mine.

I don't know.

My sobbing suckers video is pretty popular.

Ah, looks like they're announcing the winning video.

And it looks like it is...

Granny Cake Fart 2?!

Both: What?!

Happy 91st birthday, Nana.


[flatulence, fire whooshes, all screaming, laughing]

Come on, it's the same joke!

Again!

[flatulence, all laughing]
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