07x07 - Mommie Dearest

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Vampire Diaries"...

Caroline: What was the deal with you and Stefan?

Valerie: I was the first love of Stefan's life.

Valerie: Stefan, meet Julian.

Julien: Does Stefan Salvatore know that you are pregnant with his child?

Stefan: What?

Valerie: I wanted to tell you in person, but Julian made sure there was nothing to tell.

Lily: Julian makes me better.

Valerie: He made her vindictive and cruel.

Valerie: Lily gave Kai the idea to put Elena in that sleeping beauty coma.

Stefan: I could have been a father.

Stefan: I want him dead, Damon.

Damon: I'm in.

Lily: You're asking me to choose between you and Julian; the love of my life. Please understand.

Enzo: Julian is looking for Oscar's car. I intend to find it first.

Caroline: She was supposed to be Ric's wife, who d*ed with two kids inside of her on their wedding day.

Valerie: What is that?

Alaric: It's my wedding video.

Valerie: I recognize this chant. They were trying to save the next generation of Gemini twins. I think Alaric's babies are still alive. They're inside of you.

---

Alaric: 23 minutes.

Damon: Just enough time for me to get in, take out little Miss Stabby-Pants, and grab Caroline.

Alaric: That's it? That's your plan, just take her out?

Damon: It's simple, it's classic. Come on.

Alaric: Yeah. Listen. I saw the "X" carved in Stefan's chest. Pretty sure she's not playing tic-tac-toe. Look. This is a trap.

Damon: Oh, I know it's a trap, and I'm gonna spring it so Stefan can't.

Alaric: Yeah. Well, look. I didn't get a babysitter on 30 seconds' notice just to sit in the car.

Damon: You're not gonna just sit in the car!

Alaric: Turn, turn, turn, turn.

[Tires squealing]

Damon: There's no way Stefan didn't see Caroline's broadcast. He'll be here in a minute. When he gets here, pump him full of vervain so he can't hero his way in there.

Alaric: If Caroline's in danger, I'm coming with you.

Damon: She doesn't want Caroline. She wants him! If he goes in there, he's dead.

Caroline: Stefan? Stefan, please.

Damon: Guess you're gonna have to settle for the other one, Blondie.

Caroline: Stefan, I...

Caroline: We apologize for the interruption to your current program. My name is Caroline.

Damon: Well, that's not good.

Caroline: Please listen carefully.

[Popping]

Caroline: I have an urgent message for Stefan Salvatore.

Well, simple enough.

Two lines you're pregnant, one line you're not.

And how many lines if you've been mystically knocked up by a coven of dead witches?

Guess we'll find out in 3 minutes.

[Phone beeps]

This is crazy.

I mean, you're an occult studies Professor.

Have you ever come across anything about a pregnant vampire?

No, but until a few weeks ago, I'd never heard of a stone that was full of tormented vampire souls either.

But how would it even be possible?

I'm technically dead.

Well, your body basically functions normally.

Your heart beats, you breathe.

I mean, is it that far outside the realm of possibility that your body could support a baby or two?

Why would the coven want me to?

I don't think they had a choice.

The Gemini were all dying.

They couldn't let the future of their coven perish along with them, so they had to put the babies someplace safe, inside a body that...

That wouldn't die.

Is that cornbread I smell?

We're hosting Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving's tomorrow.

Well, pre-Thanksgiving. Whatever.

Whatever happened to taking out Julian?

Remember him? k*lled what would have been your firstborn?

You know, I cleared out my entire schedule so we could make that guy count worms...

Unless you're too busy baking.

Julian knows that I want him dead, so our next move needs to be smart.

We're probably only gonna have one more sh*t at this.

Not quite following the whole Martha Stewart strategy, to be honest.

I am planning on recruiting an ally.

[Doorbell rings]

I brought cranberries.

[Cell phone timer beeping]

[Ofelia K's "Gone" playing]

♪ My blood ♪
♪ gets heavy when you're here ♪

Negative.

I don't understand.

I mean, Valerie was so certain.

Well, I guess she was wrong or playing some twisted game.

Either way, I trust that a lot more than I trust her.

♪ Everything gone ♪

And I'm really sorry.

I know how much you wanted this.

♪ Ohh, ohh ♪

[Cell phone vibrating]

♪ Everything's gone ♪

Hey, Matt. Now's not really a good time.

Bonnie and I found two dozen people compelled to hang out at the high school last night.

I've been trying to call her, but she won't pick up.

I'm starting to get a little worried.

I think she's with Enzo.

What?

Well, now I'm a lot worried.

What the hell is she doing with him?

I don't know. Were you able to clear them out?

We had to tranquilize them just to get them out of there, but they were all back this morning like they never left.

Why would someone compel people to gather at the high school in an abandoned town?

Matt?

Matt?

Hey, Care. How fast can you get to the grill?

[Sighs]

Stefan: I invited you over here because we can't keep doing this.

I mean, I... I want us all to start over.

Well, uh, if the Pilgrims and Indians could do it, I'm sure there's hope for us.

We call them native Americans now, but we didn't bring you here to correct your outdated racial slurs, did we, Stefan?

I want to convince you of all the reasons that you need to help us get rid of Julian.

I'm sorry. Is this some kind of setup?

Just hear me out for a second.

1863...

I got Valerie pregnant.

She kept it a secret from me, from you, from everyone, and Julian found out about it somehow, and he felt threatened by it.

He b*at her until the baby was no longer alive.

Her child, your grandchild, was m*rder*d by Julian.

She swore me to secrecy, but the truth is too important.

You need to know what kind of man he is.

Damon: What I think Stefan's trying to say is you have really crappy taste.

My son, Valerie lied to me for over a century about you.

Then she tried to k*ll a member of my family in cold blood and tried to incinerate the love of my life.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't lose any more sleep over the words that come out of that poor girl's mouth.

[Sighs]

Wow. I guess the joke's on me then, right?

I mean, I was the idiot who believed her.

I did, too, about many things, but I will not make that same mistake again.

Here's to moving on then, right?

To moving on.

[Sizzling]

Ugh!

Concentrated vervain.

Wow.

I ever mention I like your style?

I had a feeling we were gonna have to do this the hard way.

Best... Thanksgiving... ever.

Bonnie: Why would a centuries-old vampire with a bunch of witch groupies be so desperate to find anything collecting dust in the Midlothian County impound?

Seems a little beneath him.

Well, if Julian wants it, then so do I.

We talking about Oscar's car or Lily?

You're not doing this to stop a psychopath.

You just want the girl.

Congratulations.

You've just unlocked every man's true motivation in life.

Let me give you some advice.

Stop treating Lily like some prize to be won.

Spoken like somebody's who's never been fought over.

It's not the turn-on you think it is.

Try flowers, a quiet dinner, listening.

Heh heh.

Found it.

I'm assuming Julian doesn't want it for its bluebook value.

Charming.

I'll wager this is what Julian's looking for.

Wonder what makes it so special.

I think I've seen that before when I was doing research on the stone.

Let me see what I can dig up.

No. I don't need research to tell me which one's the pointy end.

What do we need to know?

If he wants to k*ll someone with it or he's worried about being k*lled by it.

Well, there's one way to find out... ram it through his chest, see what happens.

I know what's not gonna happen.

Lily falling hopelessly in love with the person who m*rder*d her sweetheart.

Not if I make it look like self-defense.

Good idea. Go pick a fight with an extremely powerful, unhinged ancient vampire.

Should work out great.

Is that a hint of concern for me I detect in your voice?

Now that I think about it, go ahead and k*ll each other.

Win-win for me.

[Sizzling]

[Gasping]

What are you doing?

Julian's practically brainwashed you like Giuseppe did way back when?

What does Gius... Giuseppe have to do with this?

Damon: Well, you didn't think Dad was a monster at first, but somewhere along the way, this little warning light started blinking "Psycho! Psycho!"

You just need that little light to blink again.

What are you talking about?

It's a pattern, Lily.

You can't see it with Julian just like you couldn't see it with Giuseppe.

Hey. Do you remember that fun-filled Thanksgiving we had back in 1851?

1851.

Hmm.

Jog my memory, brother.

Was that the year that father took me out to the farm and made me behead my pet turkey?

Yeah. That would be the year.

Ooh. That was a doozy.

If I could take just a moment to say how thankful I am to the good lord for giving me a beautiful wife, two fine boys, a table filled with fine food, and a stomach big enough to fit it all in.

Ha ha ha!

Son, eat your dinner, please.

I cannot.

Lily: What's the matter, sweetheart?

It was not an invitation, Damon.

Eat.

Stefan: Why is he not eating?

Because this is Sami.

That animal was put on this earth to be sustenance, not your friend.

Now you will clean your plate, or you will spend the night in the root cellar, wishing you had.

Mother...

Please do not make me eat her.

You heard your father, Damon.

Adult Damon: Rest in peace, Sami.

I kept you from wasting a perfectly good meal.

I still don't see what any of this has to do with my current relationship.

Of course you don't see it, Lily.

That's the whole point!

You're too blind to see it.

You're drawn to men who manipulate you into seeing what they want, men who abuse you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

The vervain ropes searing into my flesh are distracting me from concentrating on your lecture about tolerating abuse.

This is pointless, pointless with pumpkin pie, but pointless.

No. We are here to open up her eyes.

You're gonna sit here, and you're gonna listen to every single word I say, and by the end of the day, you're gonna help us k*ll your boyfriend.

Matt: I found more at the courthouse and another dozen at the supermarket.

What's with all the IVs?

Saline to keep them hydrated, which you'd only need if you were gonna keep them here for a while.

They're using them as human blood banks.

I guess we know what the Heretics are having for Thanksgiving dinner.

Problem is I can't find a single bite mark on any of them, which is somehow creepier.

They're not being fed on.

They're being fed.

I found these in the trashcan.

This is salmon, steak.

Iron-rich foods probably to boost their red blood cell count.

It's like someone's fattening the cattle for the slaughter.

[Vomiting]

Whoa, Care. Hey.

Um...

Are you ok?

Yeah, I'm fine.

No. You're not fine. You just puked.

I...

I think I had an expired blood bag last night or something.

You know, and then the talk of the food and the iron and the slaughtered cattle...

So you're a vampire with food poisoning?

Yes, Matt, I am a vampire with food poisoning, standing in a room of much bigger problems, so stop looking at me like you've never seen a vampire vomit before and start thinking of a way to break their compulsion.

Short of turning them into vampires, I can't think of a way to break their compulsion.

Well, maybe we don't have to break it.

Maybe someone can siphon it away.

[Sighs]

Ah, the barkeep.

Did you forget your tip jar, huh?

You know who I am.

Oh. Yes.

The steerage waif Lily took pity upon.

She told me all about you.

That's funny. She hardly mentioned you.

So what brings you here?

I left something behind that means a great deal to me.

My guitar.

Haven't seen one lying around.

Perhaps Lily threw it out with the rest of the rubbish.

Yeah, I doubt that.

She loves it when I play for her.

Oh.

Sometimes begs me to.

There is no point trying to deny her.

I hope you're not suggesting anything untoward.

Oh, and if I were?

Well, we'd have to settle it like gentlemen.

But...

I assured Lily that there would be no more bloodshed in the house.

Did you make any promises about outside?

Hmm.

You want me to siphon the compulsion out of all these people?

Do you have any idea how long that will take?

Uh, probably the amount of time that it will take to siphon one person times the amount of people in this room.

I am all for scuttling Julian's plans, but siphoning these people won't make a difference.

He'll just replace them.

You'd be trading one life for another.

Speaking of, I can't imagine this is the safest town for someone with your status to be roaming around in.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

I wouldn't call a pregnant vampire nothing.

What?

I am not pregnant.

I am not pregnant!

Ok. Valerie over here convinced poor Alaric that the Gemini coven dumped his twin babies into my...

You know what?

Never mind because it's not true.

It is not true.

A test confirmed it.

Yeah, and thanks to you, Alaric is probably still at home waiting for that second blue line to show up, so you know what?

Maybe now would be an appropriate time to call him and explain how you could get something so important so incredibly wrong.

Do I need to remind you that you summoned me here for my help?

If you don't think my talents are up to snuff, then I will gladly find other things to do with my time.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Maybe it was just a momentary lapse of... magical juju.

Look. Can you just please help us and take away these people's compulsion?

[Sighs]

Julian: Do you know what true bravery is?

Most people don't.

It isn't going against incredible odds and thinking you're going to win.

No. That's merely confidence.

Bravery is knowing you're going to lose but doing it anyway.

That's your strategy... bore me into submission?

Ha ha ha!

Well, if you won't let me give you an honorable way out, I... I have no choice but give you an honorable death.

Well, let's get on with it.

Choose your w*apon.

Ha ha ha!

Hyah!

Are these entirely necessary?

They're quite painful.

Huh. Does that burn?

You know it does.

Let me see if I can fix that.

Unh!

Nope. Guess not.

That's enough, Damon.

What? She thinks this is painful?

Try being 12 and helpless.

I have finished.

May I be excused?

In a moment.

Lily, a bourbon, please.

I took this out for a special occasion today, but in the process, I discovered quite a bit of money missing from my bureau.

You would not know anything about that?

No.

Stefan, have you been rummaging around your father's bureau?

Well, it did not just grow legs and walk off now, did it?

Which one of you did it?

Confess here and now like a man.

Who took the money?

It was not us.

To think of all the work your mother has put into grooming you to be proper young men of society.

Do you really want to put her through the heartache of thinking she is a complete and utter failure?

No.

Then what would a man do?

He would tell the truth.

And the truth is?

I took it.

I didn't raise you to be a thief, but I also didn't raise you to be a liar, and you have told the truth here today.

Have you learned your lesson?

This is to make certain you remember it.

Aah!

I didn't take Giuseppe's money.

I only confessed because I was afraid of what he'd do to Stefan?

It's your pattern, Lily.

Julian's a monster, Giuseppe was a monster.

You don't think I knew that?

I was married to the man for 20 years.

What kind of a fool do you take me for?

Do you think I believed you when I caught you digging for ice in the icebox and you told me you scratched your arm playing?

I'm not blind, Damon.

I knew exactly what he did to you that night.

I had gone to fetch his bourbon like he asked.

I was on the stairs when I heard your scream.

You ran by me clutching your arm, and you didn't see me through your tears.

And you did nothing?

You did nothing?!

That is not true!

Everything that I did...

Lily!

[Gasping]

Someone... someone's trying to k*ll Julian.

What are you talking about?

To protect him from you, we... we did a spell.

We bound Julian's life to mine.

We're linked.

If he dies, so do I.

[Groans, chuckles]

I see you two have met before.

Where did you get that?

[Whoosh]

You took a wrong turn and ended up in Mystic Falls.

Leave and forget everything that you saw here.

[Sighs]

What?

You sure you don't want to talk about this whole Valerie baby-spell thing?

There is nothing to talk about.

Care, I've never seen you puke before.

That is because I am polite, not pregnant.

I can't have Alaric's babies inside of me.

Not only is it impossible, but it literally defies the physics of the universe.

[Floor creaks]

Valerie: Beau.

I don't know what atrocities Julian has planned, but you're better than this.

I know you. I'm your friend.

[Groaning]

Julian is evil. He doesn't care about the family.

He only cares about himself.

Unh.

Unh! Ugh.

[Crunch]

Invisique.

Unh!

Here.

Thank you.

I was the one who took the money.

On Thanksgiving. It was me.

I don't understand.

Your father never let me have anything.

I lived under his complete control.

I... I had no means of my own, no access to funds.

You stood in the next room as your son was being tortured, you didn't confess, and then you stayed with the man for another 5 years?

I was trying to save us.

We were gonna run away.

I was gonna protect you boys.

We were... we were never gonna see him again, but your father, even drunk and miserable, he was always one step ahead.

[Floor creaking]

Looking for these?

I don't know what those are.

Train tickets, 3 of them.

Planning a trip, are we?

Oh, Giuseppe, you ruined all my fun.

I thought it could be a surprise.

I... I thought you could take the boys to New York for a weekend and see that new steamship we read about in the paper.

Unh!

Aah!

You took that money, and I punished Damon for your duplicity, and you tried to steal my children from me.

Should you ever attempt that again, I will take the boys far away from here.

You will be alone, and you will never see them again.

Do you understand me?

Lily, voice-over: That's why I had to stay.

Giuseppe was a monster.

He wasn't manipulating me, I wasn't blind to it.

I knew it in my bones.

The only thing I cared about more than leaving him was protecting your brother and you.

Everything...

That I did back then...

I was doing for you.

Unh!

A little tip from a professional.

Next time you want to k*ll a bazillion-year-old psycho, don't pick a sword from the junior section.

On the contrary, I reckon that sword was forged for that very purpose.

Incoming.

[Grunt]

[Gags]

[Gasping]

Oh.

You're here.

Yeah, yeah. I'm here.

And you're drunk.

Is everything ok?

Oh, it's just peachy.

Ok. I just came to get a book that I left here.

This one.

Uh, actually, I'm just gonna do my research here if that's ok with you.

My office is your office.

Great.

Do you want to talk about it?

Nope.

Ok. Didn't think so.

So, uh, Enzo found some sword in Oscar's car and is under the impression it will k*ll Julian.

Found it.

This is it except it's... does that look like the Phoenix Stone to you?

Yeah, yeah, that looks like the Phoenix stone to me.

Ok.

"The stone gives the sword its power against immortal foes.

Without it, the blade is merely a blade."

Oh.

Enzo: Nice aim.

Bastard links his life to my mom's and then engages in a duel?

What is this, "Hamlet" community theater? Heh.

Wait. Back up.

What are you talking about, linked himself to your mom?

He's using Lily as a human shield.

Guess he'd forgotten about the part that half the people actually left in this town hate her guts.

Damon, tell me you did not just k*ll Lily.

Shouldn't you be... deader?

Unh! Err!

Are you hurt?

I'm fine.

You're not really the one that I'm worried about.

Ugh! Isn't it possible that "k*ll the psycho" and "save the babies" just sound similar in witch Latin, not to mention that you've been out of their loop for, like, 100 years.

1,000 years could pass, I would never forget that spell.

There's not a day goes by I don't think about those words.

Why do you know so much about this?

Like you care.

I mean, it's not like you believe anything I say.

I'm willing to believe you.

Ok?

I need you to be 100% honest with me, please.

How do you know so much about this spell?

Because I've used it.

I was pregnant before I turned.

Julian knew that if Lily found out it would ruin his plans with her.

She would want to return to Mystic Falls instead, so he promptly ended it, but I did everything in my power to save the life inside me.

I didn't have an entire coven to work with.

It was just me.

Hard as a I tried, I wasn't strong enough.

But why would you having a baby make Lily want to come home to Mystic Falls?

Oh.

That's the big secret that you have with Stefan.

The baby was his?

Our story may have ended in tragedy, but you have a chance to see that your friend Alaric's doesn't.

Valerie, the test was negative.

Test again.

[Groaning]

Lily: Don't!

Oh, thank God you're all right.

You must have been given such a scare.

Argh!

What's going on here?

Damon drove a sword into my chest, knowing it would be the same as driving it into yours.

Of course...

He was under the impression it would k*ll me.

What is he talking about?

What difference does it make?

Didn't work anyway.

Take me home, please.

What?

Well, look who's finally calling me back.

Sorry. I got waylaid at an impound lot with Enzo, which is somehow not even the worst part of my day.

I needed your help, Bon. Instead you were ditching my calls to hang out with the guy who recently kidnapped your roommate.

Uh, we weren't hanging out.

I was helping him find some sword to k*ll Julian.

Where are you? I'll meet you.

Don't bother. Tyler and Jeremy actually took my call.

They think they found a way to help, and I'm looking into it.

[Beep]

St. South: ♪ soft slacks at night ♪
♪ I'm wearing them tight ♪
♪ nobody hurts like I do ♪

Guess we could both use a drink.

♪ We fall the fader to black... ♪

I heard today didn't go so well.

With the sword or with Lily?

Because the answer's the same.

So that's it? You giving up?

When 9 Russians tell you you're drunk, you lie down.

Lily made her intentions clear.

Good.

♪ I'm not yours, I'm mine ♪

You're better off without her.

Come on! You can't honestly say you're surprised, can you?

You wanted Julian dead, I wanted to punish Mom, and I had a way to k*ll two birds with one stone!

I am never gonna change, Lily is never gonna change, and you are never gonna change!

You're never gonna stop straining to find one tiny speck of redemption in Lily, and she's never gonna stop disappointing you.

You're wrong! You don't know the whole story!

I don't want to know the whole story, Stefan!

I don't want to know any more excuses or lies or anything that tells me anything other than the way I know it went down.

Our mother faked her death, left her sons behind, started a new family, and went out of her way to forget us forever!

That is the only story that matters, Stefan.

She tossed us aside without any concern what would happen to us.

As far as I'm concerned, she deserves what she gets.

She deserves what she gets.

[Julian sighing]

I don't know about you, but I could use a warm bath.

What were you doing in the woods with Lorenzo?

Well, you know me.

Never one to resist a sword fight.

Except my life was bound to yours.

I'm also never one to lose.

Julian, this... this isn't just red wine spilled down my shirt.

Darling, you were never in any danger.

Oh. Funny how choking on your own blood makes you feel like it.

We were boys being boys, fighting for your honor.

If anything, it was silly.

Well, until one of your rude, misbehaved sons showed up and tried to k*ll us both.

Did you know Valerie was once pregnant with Stefan's child?

Valerie? No. I did not.

According to my sons, you did know, and when you found out, you b*at her until she lost the child.

Lily...

You know me.

You know how deeply that I care about the family that we have built, and I would do anything to keep us together.

I would never have done something so revolting.

Listen to me rambling on.

You must have been so upset today, and here I am acting like it was nothing.

It would destroy me if I ever hurt you.

Will you forgive me?

Of course.

Giuseppe: I hate to see you in such pain.

I was drunk and not myself, but the thought of losing you and my sons, it brought out a rage in me.

I can't be faulted for trying to keep my family together.

Will you forgive me?

Of course.

Of course.

Come here.

Look at me.

I love you, darling.

I will never hurt you.

How far along are you?

Alaric: Uh, I'm not really sure how to answer that.

Ok. Let's see what we can see.

[Exhales]

And you're certain you're pregnant?

Why? What's wrong?

Well, I'm not seeing one baby, let alone two.

And you're absolutely sure?

Twins would be hard to miss.

I'm not hearing any heartbeats either.

I'm sorry if you were informed otherwise.

I'll give you some time alone.

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

[Door shuts]

I'm so sorry.

No.

I'm sorry. I...

That I've been so desperate to believe this was actually possible.

I, uh...

I, um... I'm really sorry that I put you through all this.

Honestly...

For a second there, I believed it, too.

I, um, saw the doctor leave.

She just told us that you were wrong.

Are you sure about that?

What are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Alaric: I'm not sure you're qualified to use that.

Just let her. You know, it never made any sense to me.

The spell pointed directly to you, but the tests came up negative, and then it hit me.

I cloaked you from Beau to protect you.

Alaric's babies are the future of the coven.

They would have protected them in any way they could.

Wait, wait. How is this all possible?

They were cloaked.

[Heartbeats]

[Knock on door]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you come back to get your dish?

May I come in?

Stefan: What's going on?

You were right.

Pardon me? I'm sorry.

I didn't... I didn't quite hear what you said.

You were right about Julian.

I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner.

I've traded one monster for another, but I am not going to let him hurt us anymore.

I have a plan, and this time, we won't get caught.