01x06 - Boom Boom Abs!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Donny!". Aired: November 2015 to December 2015.
"Donny!" takes a satirical look at media, wealth and modern romance through the eyes of a fictionalized character based on real-life famed ad man, single dad, and TV personality Donny Deutsch.
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01x06 - Boom Boom Abs!

Post by bunniefuu »

[upbeat music]

More abs! More abs!

Come on!

This guy is k*lling me.

Knees high! Knees high!

Knees high!

All right, man. I'm with you.

Knees high! Get those lower abdominals, upper abdominals.

He's a maniac.


Don't do this at home.

Donny, I call this Boom Boom Abs, baby.

Boom, boom, pow! You feel that?

We're all feeling that.

Boom, boom, pow.

all: Boom, boom, pow.

Hey, take 30 seconds, all right?


Take 30 seconds out.

Oh, man.

Breathe out.

Banter time. Ask him if he's single...

This guy is k*lling me.

For me.

If you see this guy, run the other direction.


Look, Donny, you do Boom Boom Abs every day for 10 weeks, I guarantee you'll have a body just like mine.

Let me see those abs.


Oh, my Lord.

I guarantee you'll get these, Donny, guarantee.

Let's get a close-up on...


Okay, man, I could do abs ten hours a day for ten years, and my abs are never gonna look like that.

Yeah, they will.

No. The most ripped white guy, his abs are never gonna look as ripped as most ripped black guys.

White abs, black abs. It's just they're more ripped.

They look more ripped.

[solo applause]

You just said black abs?

Pretend you said black labs.

Yeah. White abs, black abs. It's all the same thing.

Okay, yeah.

Just you look more ripped.

It's a visual. You look more ripped with the black abs.

It is what it is, man.

It's a compliment. I was complimenting your abs.

And I was saying they look great.

They're black, and they're ripped.

Look at those ripped black abs.

Stop talking.

That's a little r*cist.

all: Ooh.

What? You don't think so?

Do you have to call me r*cist on... on national television?

You know, Tyrell and I have known each other a long time, man.

I gotta... I'm still tired.

And, you know, we talking about race, he just... he maybe took that as r*cist.

He knows I'm the least r*cist guy in America.

I got, like, a ton of black friends.

[all groaning]


I got a ton of white friends, ton of black friends, ton of purple friends, ton of green friends, and... and so, let's keep working out, man.

All right? Let's go. More Boom Boom Abs.

We're gonna take a break.

I want to thank my good friend Tyrell for Boom Boom Abs. Let's hear it for Tyrell.

Okay, the new juice craze. It's not kale or spinach.

It's apple juice, when we come back.

Boom, boom, boom.

Smile. A big, fat, "I didn't just say something really r*cist" smile.

[upbeat music]

So you said black abs and you have black friends.

Both. On TV.

Yeah. I know, it was stupid.

I-I hurt Tyrell's feelings.

I'm getting k*lled on black Twitter.

You committed, like, the Black Friends Sin.

That's the worst thing you can do, man.

I do have black friends, though.

I was trying...

Oh, don't say that.

But I got...

That's like the bigot national anthem. Come on, you're the liberal.

You're supposed to know better than this.

To say we're color-blind is like missing the whole point.

We're all equal, but we're different.

It's okay to say that.


And it's okay to say positive.

This guy's abs were, like, beautifully ripped.

Viva la difference, man. I-I mean, there's so many racial problems in this country right now that you can't say anything.


That's maybe the problem. You can't even say the positive differences.

Nobody likes labels.

Donny, get down here.

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom, pow ♪

-♪ Boom, boom, pow ♪


♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom, pow ♪
♪ We're gonna rip black abs ♪

♪ Do you feel that? ♪

♪ I got, like, a ton of black friends ♪

I told you. The Black Friend Sin.

♪ I got a ton of white friends ♪
♪ Ton of black friends, ton of purple friends ♪
♪ Ton of green friends ♪

3.2 million views and counting.

Who at the internet is in charge of doing this?

A genius.

How come no one cares about the Indian people?

See, you're my only Indian friend, so I would never say, "I have a ton of Indian friends."

You're my only old, rich, white man friend.

♪ Black friends, black friends ♪
♪ Black friends, black friends ♪
♪ Boom, boom, pow ♪

r*cist or not, we have a huge problem here.

Okay, I know you guys in HR.

This is your job to be concerned, but we don't have a problem here.

I said I have black friends, and guess what?

I have black friends. You know what you also said?

You said that Tyrell Watson has black abs, so...

Okay, Tyrell Watson is black, and he does have black abs.

And basically I was giving him a compliment.

Are you doubling down on this?

Is that what we're doing?

No, it's just a compliment.

Why can we acknowledge that people are different?

Not better, not worse, and always look for the positive?

For instance, where'd you go to school?


No, no, no.

Where'd you go to school?



Okay. If you had said Yale, I would have went, "Yes, of course. I mean, that makes sense.

Asians are great students."

That's a stereotype.

A complimentary stereotype.

Jewish guys, we make a lotta money.

Not such a bad thing.

I'm Jewish, and that's offensive to me.

You're not getting this. Okay, if I said Jewish people are cheap, that's a negative stereotype.

Does your brain just work like this?

Why ca...

Does this just come out automatically?



Why can't we celebrate the differences, okay?

Women, as a group, have better intuition than men.

That'll be the next meeting.


Can we just stick to racism today?

I am, like, the least r*cist guy on the planet.

I look for the positive in everybody.

You're a positive r*cist.

Look, guys, I am really upset with Donny as well, but honestly, it's not that he's really a r*cist, it's more that he's an equal opportunity idiot with boundary issues.

Think of it more like racial Tourette's.

Mr. Deutsch, you clearly need some help.

What we need you to do is to bring in a publicist who specializes in crisis management.

This is hardly a racial crisis.

Have you read the news lately?

The difference is nobody knows how to solve those This? A white guy on TV who is racially insensitive?

There is a very easy way to make this problem go away.

And what is that?

That's code for you getting fired.

You're not gonna get fired by this.

When it comes to talking about race on television, there is a line that cannot be crossed.

You crossed it, so find a way to restore your image fast, or we're going to cancel your show.

You cannot be serious.

Dumbass, they're serious.

All right. Whatever I need to do.

What do I need to do?

You don't even look Jewish, by the way.

Thanks. Wait, what?

All right, you have to see what I'm talking about here.

Look, two guys, both ripped, okay?

White guy, black guy. They both have great abs.

The black guys abs look more ripped just because the color of his skin and the light against it accentuates it.

It's not a race issue, it's a visual color issue.

Don't try to justify what you said; it was wrong.

Donny, your publicist, Miss Sharp, is here to see you.

All right, send her in.

Another genius publicist that I have to deal with?

I hear she's really great in a crisis.

There's no such thing as a great publicist.


Oh, my goodness. You're black.

I'm Donny. How are you doing?

I'm also Mikayla Sharp.

No, I-I... the point is, I got a race issue, so I think that's fantastic that you're black.

I mean, the last thing I need is an idiotic white guy.


Please help us. Good luck.

Actually you know what?

I don't think I need that much help.

You know, these USA people, they're going crazy.

I never said anything bad about anybody.

I don't think we have that big of a deal.

It'll pass.

I think we have to do a couple of things just to make sure it passes a little faster.

All right.

You know, like social media.

Do you post on Twitter?

I got this thing, DaManDonny.


You would think I'm black.

DaManDonny, right?

Not necessarily.


But, um, no racial commentary.

No. I just put, like, pictures of my dog Kissy on there.

Good. You're on a lot of shows.

Seen you on "The Wendy Williams Show."

I love Wendy. Been on the show.

The sisters love me. They go crazy.

You know, this is a great teaching moment.

All things considered, that's probably not the best choice of words.

I mean, I just, I'm... I'm free. I say it.

I mean, it... just... That's why people love me.

Let's make sure they still do.

Whether it's Wendy's show or "Morning Joe"...

Pick one.


Go on. Just be yourself.

When someone brings up the comment...

Because they inevitably will... about the black friends, just say you got carried away and that you regret it.


Then we're gonna do a donation to a charity that really supports racial diversity in business, and, I think more importantly, get involved.

I mean, every crisis is an opportunity, and this is an opportunity for you to do something impactful and positive.

You know, you seem like you got a big, old, dumb heart, so let's use it.

You have to have dinner with me.

I don't mean to be unprofessional.

I am just mesmerized by you.

Wow. You really have a special kind of confidence, don't you?

Or idiocy.

You know, considering the timing, just looks a little like you're guilty.

I'm accused of being r*cist...


And I want to go out with a gorgeous black woman, but I can't go out with her, because that'll seem r*cist.


Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

It's the world we live in today.

All right, plan B.

We can have dinner at my place under the radar, so it's not gonna be, "Oh, Donny's out with a beautiful black girl."

I mean, come on. What do you think?


I just think you're beautiful, and I'm... I'm at a stage in my life I just... I don't care. I just... what the hell?

Come on.

I'm flattered, so I will say we'll see.

I'm gonna take "We'll see" as a yes.

My driver's gonna pick you up Friday at 8:00, and we'll see each other on Friday.

You are amazing.


Good-bye, Donny.

We'll see you on Friday.

So your date with Mikayla is set, and today you're meeting with Star Jones and Russell Simmons?



You think you're showing off your black friends a little too much?

I'm not showing off anything.

They are my friends. And yes, they're black.

And I need their advice, okay?

If I offended the Jewish Hasidic community, I would meet with my Hasidic friends.

Exactly how many Hasidic friends do you have, Donny?

Let's play a little game. Why don't you try going for a day where you don't say the words white, black, Hasid, Arab, Canuck, Asian-persuasion, Kiwi, "of the Indies."

Can you please just get my yoga mat?

Okay. Make sure you work on those white abs.

[quirky music]

[horn honking]

Hey, you're a jerk!

It's a beautiful day in New York, but there's no place I'd rather be than in a movie theater watching the hilarious Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in the new movie, "Sisters," opening Friday, December 18th.

Donny, look, this is the last time.

Don't be a bitch.

I can't do it.

Do... all right, do the last... just do this.

I can do that.

Oh, wait, I can do that. Oh, yeah.


What you said was not smart.

I know it wasn't smart, but all I said is I have a ton of black friends.

I heard what you said.

Okay, it's a...

Why did you do that?


It's r*cist.

That's why I got in trouble.

I need your help.

Just tweet you're sorry.

Just say, "I'm... "

I don't even know how to do that stuff.

You don't know how to tweet?

Just dog pictures, that's it.

Twit me out of this, will you?

You tweet.

Okay, tell me what to tweet. What should I do?

"I made a really silly statement."


"And I'm sorry..."


"If I offended anybody."

I know I offended people.

"I'm sorry I offended people."


"I made a really silly statement.

I hope my friends and family can forgive me."


Get your other black friends to retweet it.

I got some black friends.

Why don't you just describe us as friends?

If somebody says to me, "You're a r*cist," it's a defensive, intelligent response.

No, the defensive, intelligent response is, "No, I'm not."

You know, I am not the arbiter of all things black, just in case you don't know, but the whole issue with diversity and inclusion is to make us one, not to identify us as others.

People want to be thought of for their skill and their talent, but valued for their diversity.

And you're devaluing that.

All right, so what do I do?

Best piece of advice...


Don't say stupid stuff.
[quirky music]

This Barbara Kruger is stunning.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm just really lucky.

It's really a privilege to live with art.

And thank you for dinner.

Uh, it was really, really nice.

I'm not just saying this, getting to know you, I feel like we have a lot in common.

[chuckles] You're very sweet, Donny, but I don't think you have much in common with anyone.

You know, forget this. I am a kid from Queens.

I'm Donny from the hood, so that's not true.

Oh, I, um, I saw your apology tweet.

Yeah. Russell really helped me out.

And I got something else, a little surprise for you that's gonna make you very happy.

That's exciting.

I listened to you, and I found a great charity.

It's called The Mosaic Project, and I wrote a nice, big check.


That's just okay It's easy to throw money at a problem.

Or post an apology tweet.

That's what you told me to do.

I also told you that you should get involved.

I mean, I thought you of all people would do something bigger and bolder.

I mean, that's what's so great about you, that you're so fearless.

And think about it, you have a national spotlight focused on you and you're writing a check?

Yeah, you're right. I am fearless.

[chuckle] So, find some way to show it.

Action, not a check.

Think bigger. Bolder.

I am Mr. Bold.

I love bold.

Let me show you a little bold right here, you vixen, you. Get over here.


Come here. Come here.

Mikayla. How was it?

Honestly, she... I... like, she blew me away.

You fall in love too fast, D-Dog.

No, this is not about love. This is even bigger.

She actually, like, inspires me.

She's got me to think different about everything, you know, including all this race stuff.

All the problems.

I don't want to just kind of write a check, I want to do my own thing.

Like, actually, like, create my own race initiative.

I think you might be more qualified to write a check.

Donny's ready to do something.

No, we're talking about racism.

Do not encourage him.

No, like a modern day "We Are the World."

What's "We Are the World"?

No clue.

You could become a Big Brother.

I mean bigger.

Come on, I need an idea.

What do we get?

Best idea gets a pair of Louboutins.

Oh, um, you record a rap version of the "black friends" song with all your black friends while all wearing FUBU. Done.

FUBU is a g*ng and they're really dangerous.

No. Be serious.

I am serious.

I want to figure out a way to get...

If I could get the world to, like, hug it out, you know?

Okay, I don't really recommend actual hugging.

I'm having, like, a Gandhi moment.

I-I just felt something. I'm actually getting chills.

I want you to listen to these two words I'm about to say.

Racy. Hugs.


Racy Hugs.

It's like a da Vinci moment.

Bad idea.

This is the funniest job I've ever had.

It's the only job you've ever had.

Hey, welcome back to "Morning Joe."

It's time to bring in Donny, who is, of course, the host of "Donny!"

He wants to make a point.

Donny has got himself in some hot water, Mika.

I gotta tell you, and I think Gene Robinson will agree with me, you sounded a lot like Jimmy the Greek the other day.

I was complimenting your abs.

And I was saying they look great.

They're black, and they're ripped.

Look at those ripped, black abs.

He maybe took that as r*cist, and he knows I'm the least r*cist guy in America.

I got, like, a ton of black friends.

You know, you and I have been friends a long time, but that's not relevant, you know?

And so some of your best friends, come on, dude.

"Some of my best friends are black"? Seriously?

What year is this?

What country club did you just crawl out of in the deep south?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Okay, really?

You guys have known me a long time. I said something stupid.

Obviously you've known Gene a long time.

He's one of your friends.

And it's okay to acknowledge you're a black man...

You're doing it again. You're doing it again.

I think racial...

And Donny, would you like to see my abs?

First, let me apologize.

I said something really stupid, and I tried to defend myself.


And said something even stupider.

But I think that out of every crisis, sometimes comes an opportunity.

I'm initiating something called Racy Hugs.

Racy Hugs?


Racy Hugs.

I want everybody out there right now, if you think we can do better with race in this country, go out, find somebody of a different ethnicity, a different race, stranger on the street, go up, give them a hug.

Oh, this is...

Give them a Racy Hug.

$5, upload it to Racyhugs.com for The Mosaic Project.

We're gonna raise $5 million to get race relations in the right track in this country.

I'm rarely speechless.

I am totally speechless right now.

Racy Hugs?

I'm gonna hit the streets right after this show, and I'm gonna give the first racy hug out there.

Gene, can I actually give you the first racy hug right now?


No, no.

Gene, let me just hug you. Come on.


Stay away. No, no.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This is the first racy hug.

You see? You see? Look.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's what we need. That's it.

And this is not what I was talking about.

All right. Tell me when you're ready.


This is hopefully a seminal moment for race relations in America.

I'm just gonna give you a hug, and we're gonna raise money, and we're bringing the races together.

This is... thank you so much.

We're off to a good start.

Let's hug. Bring it together.

Oh, sorry! I will vote for you, but please do not touch me.

Donny, don't force it. Don't force it.

No, no, just... I want...

I don't know you.

It's for charity, it's for...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No! Hey! No!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No more hugs!

That's a demonstration of why we're doing this.

Let's hug and just show America how it's done.

Thanks, man.

He wasn't so into it.

We'll get him on the next one.

I'm waiting for my bus.

Break the pole down.

I'm going to wait for my bus.

No, sir. Okay, I'm sorry.

Don't force it, Donny.

Violet, get his name. Send him a Donny bobblehead.

Oh! That's a racy hug. Young people understand this.

This is my new friend here. Can I start doing with a white person also, or that defeats the whole purpose?

It doesn't work that way.


This is what it's about.

This moment right here.

Feel this. Racy Hugs.

Thank you so much. You're delightful.

Racy hug!

All right, let's cut.

That's the perfect one to start this whole thing off.

All right. I'm going for my first Racy Hug.

Excuse me, sir. I'm doing a video for charity.

I was wondering if I could give you a hug.

No. Whoa, whoa.

'Cause this is to really...

This is to... just a quick selfie.

I'm not interested. No.

Please, come on.

Get away from me!

Well, talk show host Donny is in the news again, this time with his big idea disaster, Racy Hugs.

A hug?

It's not a sexual hug.

I don't know you.

Racy Hug, brother.

Man, get the [bleep] off me.


What a Racy Hugs disaster.

That one didn't turn out the way he expected.

How did Donny Deutsch, who's supposed to be this great marketing genius...


Come up with such a bad idea that's just kind of floating like a turd in a punchbowl?

What are you doing?

Ugh, Donny.

Well, friends, watch it float.


It ain't pretty.

There are good touches...


And bad touches. A stranger touch?

That's... that's always bad.

A stranger hug?

That's actually worse.

Mikayla, what part of you thought Racy Hugs was a good idea?

And that it was okay to launch it without network approval?

I was not consulted on this initiative.

All right, this was not her idea.

This was my idea. I take full responsibility.

She inspired it. She inspired me to be bold.

It was maybe a little too bold.

That's what you wanted.

It made a difference.

You just hugged your way off the network, Donny.

We're already getting complains from our sponsors.

I can spin those sponsors, it's what I do.

As an expert on spin, I'm telling you this is unspinnable.

Excuse me.

Violet, we are in the middle of getting fired.

[whispering] This is blowing up the internet.

Come on, come here, come here, come here.

Good afternoon.


Um, it seems as though Racy Hugs has blown up the internet.

That's called bad press.

No. There are a lot of people making fun of it, but they're uploading the spoof videos to the Racy Hugs website, which only means more money for the charity...

Racy Hug!

And it seems as though the kids, like, children are really into it.



That is so cute. Look at that.

In the past four days, Racy Hugs has raised more money than The Mosaic Project has, like, ever.

Yeah, we're at half a mil and going strong.

So it seems as though Donny's "huge failure" turns out to be a slam dunk.

Thank you.

He's even being called a visionary.


I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I would call that a win-win for America.

What do you think? Huh?

It's pretty unbelievable.

Donny, You are luckier then you deserve.

What can I say? I'm a Jew.

I know how to make money.


Mikayla. Mikayla, come here.

You a believer now?

Let's go have a victory drink.

Um, actually it's... it's getting kinda late, so I need to go.

What do you mean it's getting late?

It's 3:00 in the afternoon.

Donny, you are fun, and you try really hard, which I appreciate, but this just isn't gonna work.

What do you mean this isn't gonna work?

It's working.

We live in different worlds.

Why? Because you're black and I'm white?

No. Because you live your life with a lot of unfiltered drama.

You wanted the drama. You said, "Be bold."

I went... I was bold. I did what you wanted.

Yeah. Um, also, I'm seeing someone else.

Black guy or white guy?

Why is that important?

I'd feel better if it was a black guy 'cause, you know, I'm Jewish down there.

Black guy's a whole different thing, so...

That's ridiculous. You know what?

Not that it matters, but for what it's worth, he's Asian.

Oh, so I'm not smart enough.

Oh, my God. You know what?

I can't...

Racy Hug!

[shutter clicking] That's super cute.
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