01x01 - Los Angeles

[bunniefuu]

I... I think the first thing I want to make clear is that it was an accident.

Uh, basically, what happened is that our father, Sir George Carlton, uh, sh*t himself.

Yeah, in the face.

Yeah, uh, it was an accident.

He was out sh**ting on our estate on Caunty Manor, and his b*llet ricocheted off a health and safety sign about g*n safety that the council had made him put up.

Really was a terrible waste.

Of a life.

And a sign.

Yeah. Really, really sad.

Uh, so, that's... That's why we've come to America.

To move on and to mingle with the natives.

It's going to be a little bit like Downton Abbey.

Yeah, exactly, that's true, it's going to be a bit like Downton Abbey.

We're a bit like we're from Downton Abbey, except we're not snobs!

Yeah. No.

No, we're very down-to-earth.

Narrator: This is Georgie and Poppy Carlton.

Poppy: Everybody's taking pictures of us.

Georgie: Georgie Carlton. Lovely to meet you.

Narrator: They are aristocratic siblings, 50th and 51st in line to the English throne.

Georgie: The British are coming and they're looking for a man called Derek.

How do you do? Have you travelled far?

It was their father's dying wish that his children make a royal tour of the United States of America...

Georgie: Very exciting, Father.

...a country he loved...

Georgie: Die, you American scum!

...in order to expand their horizons...

Are you familiar with hard work?

Georgie: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept.

No.

...interact with real Americans...

What made you want to become a cowboy, Jay?

Was it Toy Story 2 or 3?

(HORSE WHINNYING)

...learn about their culture...

(CHEERING)

...and give something back...

I hope I don't do a grande shitay in these tights.

That did not go down well.

...to the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Very exciting. About to go into battle.

Oh, God!

One, two, three...

God save the Queen!

Thank you so much for having us.

Welcome to Hollywood. You have arrived.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie are in the entertainment capital of the world, Los Angeles.

And in LA, everybody drives.

So the first thing on our royals' agenda is to hire themselves a car.

Who makes this?

It's a British company.

Good, good, good, that's the sort of thing we're after.

Yep.

In England we would call this bit a wing mirror.

All right, we call it a side-view mirror here.

In England we would call this the headlight.

Yep.

Same as...

Same as that one.

Those are wheels?

Yup, wheels.

Have you ever seen anyone do a wheelie in a car?

I have not actually.

Sounds a bit rude.

Never seen it in person. Only seen videos of it.

Just go to the loo before you drive off.

No. No.

Where does this car go?

Um, what do you mean, like, around...

What sort of places?

Wherever you like. Wherever you want to go.

Poppy: Oh, my gosh.

So, yeah, you want to pull the top lever there.

Throw it into "D" for drive.

"D" for drive.

"D" would be for Derek in England.

Uh, Derek? What... How does that relate to driving?

My friend Derek's got a car.

Oh, okay.

Georgie: Oh!

Just like that.

In England we would call this going for a little drive.

Going for a little drive, that's what you're doing.

Georgie: I've had a crash.

(HONKING)

You want to put it... Put it in reverse.

Georgie: How do we do that?

"R."

Kind of like Ryan, but for reverse.

Georgie: Oh, that's nice.

I mean, people in LA, they drive very aggressively.

They'll honk the horn at you.

There's a lot of horses that just wander in the road where we live.

Yeah.

And if you hit a horse at the speed I was going it would be a write-off.

I don't think you'll encounter many horses around here.

A lot of other cars. A lot of people walking across the street...

Actors.

A lot of actors, yeah.

How fast would you have to drive to k*ll an actor?

(LAUGHS)

You probably want to be going at least 30 or 40, but I wouldn't... I wouldn't advise it.

How fast was I going then?

About one.

So I could k*ll a child actor?

Narrator: After an introduction to motoring in California, Poppy and Georgie get out on the open road.

Georgie: Hello. How do you do?

Georgie and Poppy Carlton.

Lovely to be here.

Narrator: For their first engagement, Poppy and Georgie are going to meet a real Hollywood royal and observe him at work amongst his fans.

Wait till you see him. He's so dishy.

Is he disheroonie?

He's a dishy, older, foreign-looking man, and who likes, dishy, older, foreign-looking men?

Mummy!

Mummy loves them.

Hi, Fabio, Georgie Carlton.

Georgie!

Lovely to meet you. This is my sister, Poppy.

Hello. How do you do?

Very good, very good.

Georgie: So, are these all your different products?

Yep, you see it's very simple, every single scientist in the world will tell you that your body regenerates because of protein.

What's the highest quality protein in mother nature?

Whey. What is whey?

I don't know what whey is.

Whey is the serum of fresh raw milk.

Georgie: No way!

Fabio: Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, whey. (LAUGHS)

It's the only whey.

Georgie, I was just thinking.

That's a good one.

Love puns. So clever.

It's proved scientifically. It regenerate your hair faster, regenerate your...

Ear?

Yeah, because every single cell in your body...

Georgie: Which one?

Your organs, your muscle.

Poppy: Which ear? Sorry.

Every hair.

Every single hair.

Oh, hair!

I thought you said ear.

No, no, no, no... Hair, hair.

Is that why you've got such lovely hair?

I'm telling you, composition of hair is minerals and protein.

Until they're in your stomach, they're still called protein.

When the protein goes into your liver...

You know a lot about science.

Yes, I love that stuff.

When the protein...

I preferred French.

You do?

Yeah, I didn't really get on with science very much.

I didn't like the teachers.

Oh, I love science.

Really?

You know, love science, math.

So, when the protein, they go from your stomach to your...

What's 10 plus two?

(LAUGHS) Twelve.

Very good.

Really good.

And what happen is, like, when the...

Five times six.

When the liver... Thirty.

Very good.

When the liver, when the liver transform the protein...

Three hundred minus one.

(CHUCKLES) Two-ninety-nine.

Good! We nearly got you there. I can tell.

There are like eight...

They're called the essential amino acids...

Okay.

Narrator: After Fabio's lengthy master-class in whey science, Poppy and Georgie agree to lend his brand their royal seal of approval.

Do you know Fabio?

Yes.

Yeah, this is his protein here.

That's Fabio.

Yeah, I know.

Anybody, would you like some protein?

Yeah, is it vegan?

Yeah.

Any dairy products? Any animal products?

Probably not.

You have to be, you know, more aggressive.

Do you want some of this?

That was aggressive, and he didn't buy any.

Should have punched him in the face with it.

Georgie: It's a different pace in Norfolk.

It's a different sort of pace, but you'd be very welcome to come back and visit if you'd like.

Sure.

Mother would really, really like you.

She needs a little bit more activity in her life and you're the sort of chap to give it to her, I think.

Uh, yes. It's an open invitation?

Poppy: Yeah.

Okay.

It's been a while for her, so you might need a few pots of that.

Narrator: In an attempt to understand the celebrity culture in LA, our royal siblings are taking a tour of movie stars' homes.

(CAR HONKING)

Man: She just flipped everyone off.

Welcome to LA.

Does anyone famous live on this road?

So, this is actually where Michael Jackson d*ed of a drug overdose.

The singer?

Oh, no! When?

The singer.

The king of pop.

At some point the doctor claimed that he said, "You can't have any more, you know, it's addictive."

Georgie: I heard about... Actually, was that...

Was it Dr Phil?

No... No, it wasn't Dr Phil.

Dr Phil isn't that kind of doctor.

Oh.

This right here...

This is the Pink Palace.

The Pink Palace is the name of a nightclub our Uncle Humphrey used to go to before he was banned from the family.

Uh-oh! That sounds like a good story.

Yeah. Now he's called Moonbeam and he lives in Goa.

Do you have anything from the 16th century?

Playboy Mansion looks very 16th century.

Is the Playboy Mansion where that old man lives with his daughters?

That is... That's very true.

Except they're not his daughters.

They're his, uh, friends.

Sometimes with benefits.

Me and Georgie are friends with benefits, aren't we?

Yeah, we're friends and we're brothers and sisters.

Yeah. You're not friends with...

We are.

With benefits.

Both: We are.

So, this is a great, uh, spot.

We can take a little rest for a second.

This, uh, men's room right here.

Georgie: Yeah?

One of your countrymen became overly familiar with it.

Either Sir or regular George Michael...

He's not a sir.

...was busted here for, um...

I guess we should just phrase it this way, inappropriate behaviour.

What did he do?

Did he not wipe properly?

Actually, I think he met one of the...

Probably met someone, another gentleman that became somewhat of a friend with, uh, benefits.

Like me and Georgie?

We're friends with benefits.

No, you two are not friends with benefits.

Please stop saying that.

You can't run around America saying you're friends with benefits and brothers and sisters.

Georgie: But we're friends and brothers and sister.

No.

I actually need the toilet.

If any... If you hear any funny sounds, send a policeman in or something.

Okay.

There's someone in there.

You guys have to stop that friends with benefits.

But we are. We get on really...

You're not.

We're really close. We're really close.

You're not that close.

We are.

Narrator: As part of their royal tour of America,

Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in Los Angeles.[/i]

Georgie: It's very beautiful if you like a lot of shops.[/i]

Poppy: Lots and lots of shops and cars.

And men in white trousers, which is fine.

It's a lifestyle choice.

Narrator: So far, they've engaged with some Hollywood royalty and taken a tour of the homes of the stars.[/i][/i]

Hello, how do you do?

Narrator: Keen to understand the acting business in LA, Poppy and Georgie have an appointment with a Hollywood agent.

I'll tell you honestly, I do see a lot of, um...

I do meet a lot of British actors.

For some reason, there is almost like an anglophile thing happening in Hollywood recently where a lot of British shows, a lot of shows that are based with British characters and European characters.

And quite often the breakdown will say, "Authentic British accent." Like, they don't want an American actor who just does a British accent well.

What if it's really good like d*ck Van d*ke?

d*ck Van d*ke?

Um, yeah, if it's d*ck Van d*ke, I suppose he could probably pull it off, right?

I wanted to know what sort of people you... You represent.

Any big Hollywood actors? Like...

Poppy's quite interested in...

Rick Moranis.

Do you know Rick Moranis?

Not personally. Anybody else you like?

Um...

The Rock. I like The Rock.

A matter of fact, I have met Dwayne Johnson before.

He's a... He's a fabulous person.

Who's that?

(STAMMERING) Actually, that's his full name.

The Rock's full name, yeah.

Oh.

I always thought "The Rock" was a funny name.

Yeah... (CHUCKLES)

Do you have any gossip from Hollywood?

You know, people in the industry don't really gossip.

Is it true Elton John's gay?

Uh, I personally don't know, but my guess is...

Your guess would be as good as mine.

You know, people's sexuality doesn't enter into, you know, what they do or how they work in this town.

Sometimes it means they're better at the piano, though.

Do you know of any films coming up that we'd be good in?

(EXHALES)

If I do, you know, I've got your...

I've got your number, and I'll call you.

Georgie: Hello, Los Angeles!

Narrator: Curious to find out more about the practise of plastic surgery and why it's so popular in Hollywood, Poppy and Georgie have accepted an invitation to visit a well-known surgeon at his busy clinic.

Dr Stevens: So here we are in Marina del Rey.

I've been here for just under 30 years doing plastic surgery...

You're over 30?

I just celebrated my 60th birthday on November 13th.

Both: Wow.

You look a lot younger.

You look a lot younger than that.

Well, that maybe explains why I have a 37-year-old girlfriend.

Does she look seven?

(CHUCKLES)

No, no, she looks her appropriate age. Well, thank you very much.

In fact, myself, on Friday, I had something called a Fraxel laser.

That's why my skin's a little redder than normal.

So, we're going to talk about plastic surgery.

And when you think of surgery you probably think of breast augmentation or liposuction.

Breasts come to mind straight away, yeah.

Poppy: Yeah, Georgie always...

Can I touch it?

Yes, I'm going to let you hold it.

And it would be like this.

Georgie, don't get too excited.

So, it feels soft like a breast.

Does it?

Some women come in and they'll ask to have that placed in their chest just to have larger breasts.

This looks like a big jelly tot.

Nanny's were much longer and they went really far south, so it was more like these three in a row.

Georgie: Yeah, like that.

Do you do any that do milk?

No.

How far... How far would you go?

Do you say... Do you ever say no?

There are certain things we can do to make people look more like another person, but then there are certain things we can't.

Well, we certainly don't make people shorter.

Can you not do that?

No, that's not appropriate.

Do you think one day... One day you'll be able to do that?

I don't think there's any ethical reason to make people shorter.

Something called body dysmorphic disease.

So, if someone came in and asked for one... Like, one black hand, or something like that?

Well, we would never do that.

Poppy: You don't?

For high-fiving or something.

No, we would never do that, and there's other things...

Poppy: You don't do skin colour?

No.

Could you make me look less like my mother?

Perhaps. I would need to see a picture of your mother, and then we would have to agree what attributes make you look the same.

We wouldn't want to alter them in such a way that would make you look less attractive.

No.

I want to look 10 out of 10.

Mother's only a maybe a 7.5 out of 10.

That's generous.

You better be careful. She may see this one day.

Did you just wink at me, or is...

Have you... Is it from the peel? The chemical?

No, I winked at you. I said you mustn't say that...

I wouldn't say that about my mother.

But we have lasers that remove hair.

We have lasers that remove red spots.

That's quite a traditional look in our family...

Uh-huh.

...is to have all the red, from whisky and all that sort of thing.

Quite red across the eyes.

And this can be minimised non-surgically, with little or no down time.

Could you minimise it and stop Mummy from drinking?

I don't have that skill set.

She would need to, you know, seek a professional for that.

Are there any celebrities who've had any plastic surgery?

Of course, this is Hollywood, many, many...

And they walk right in this door.

Like who?

Have you done any celebrities?

I couldn't possibly tell you.

If I list some celebrities, will you wink if...

No. That's part of my job. Absolute confidentiality.

Rick Moranis.

As I said, you can't get me to wink.

You're not going to get me to tell you anything.

The Rock.

Kate Middleton.

If she had had surgery, she'd probably look better than she does.

Yeah.

So, do you think you still might make it as a heart surgeon?

Nice to have a little souvenir as well.

Yeah, a fun little booby.

Yeah. You can pretend like you're a fancy pizza chef.

Dr Grant looked like a frozen cat.

Yeah, he did look like that. I thought I had just upset him.

(BURPS) Stress wind, sorry.

I'm not used to driving in America.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are on a royal tour of the USA.

Currently in LA, they've met with a Hollywood agent, found out about life as a celebrity and are experiencing the Californian way of life.

Georgie: Whoa! That's very good.

Bravo.

I feel like a robot with all of this on.

Oh. No. They're not coming back. They're not coming back.

Instructor: Okay, pivot on the front... The balls of your feet.

It's not the balls of my feet I'm worried about.

Poppy: Look at me squat!

Georgie: Very good, Poppy!

I'm like Nanny and we're going on a walk.

Georgie: Yeah!

Oh, my gosh, look at you!

Can you see him as well?

I've seen loads of him.

Narrator: For Poppy and Georgie's final stop in Los Angeles, they are visiting the set of long-running US soap opera

The Bold and the Beautiful, where their guide will be star of the show, Kim Matula.

Hi! I'm Kim.

Hello, I'm Georgie, lovely to meet you.

Hi, it's so great to meet you as well.

How do you do?

I'm great.

Georgie: Good.

Welcome to Los Angeles.

-Thank you very much.

And The Bold and the Beautiful.

I've never... I've never been to the UK, actually.

Georgie: You should.

No, I've never been to England, which is really upsetting because I would love to go there.

You should go.

Well, just to hear you...

We have acting there, too.

Good, good.

Our mother does a lot of acting.

Yeah?

Where we're from in Thetford, they have, like, an amateur dramatic society.

Oh, cool!

Yeah, she loves it.

Thetford County Players?

Georgie: Do you know?

I don't. I don't.

They're really good.

They write their own musicals.

They did Cool Runnings: The Musical.

Really? Oh, my gosh!

I didn't even know there was a Cool Runnings musical.

Georgie: Well, they wrote it themselves.

Like, Cool Runnings, the bobsled?

Yeah, yeah. They wrote it themselves.

Wow.

She was brilliant.

She was the lucky egg.

That's really fun.

I would love to have been able to see that.

Kim: I have to go through, you know, all my touch-ups and make sure that my makeup and my hair are good.

What's your touch-ups?

That's not on in England in the workplace.

Touching up in England means something...

What does that mean in England?

It's really rude. It's a boarding school thing.

Bad touching.

Like you should really lock the door of your dormitory...

Oh, no!

...if the PE teacher is around.

So, do you have to do lots of different emotions?

How many can you do?

(LAUGHS) All of them.

I'm an actor. Give me an emotion.

Yeah, I can look upset.

That's good.

Like, I just look like...

Yeah.

And then if I wanted to get angry, it would be like...

Angry.

Okay.

You have angry eyes. That's good.

And then if I forgave you, I would just...

Do you ever have to slap someone?

I have!

How would you do it?

I would come over and I'd get really close to you.

Yeah.

Like here, and you'd have to react to that.

Okay, should I say something? What should I say to make you...

Say something mean to me.

I don't much like the cut of your gib.

(GASPS) I don't know what that means! (GRUNTS)

It wasn't quick enough.

Little late reaction. All right, let's try it again.

Okay, say something mean.

Oh, dear, there's a horrible whiff coming from over in your direction.

Oh, no! (GRUNTS)

There it was. That was great.

And then I'll do angry.

Yes. (GASPS)

Narrator: After showing her emotional range to actress Kim, Poppy and Georgie get a royal walkabout on set during filming.

(BELL RINGING)

Georgie: Is that the stage manager again?

That's our director.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, our director is in a booth in the back.

Have you ever met her, or is it like...

- ...The Wizard of Oz?

God?

Woman: So, guys, we're going to go from the kiss.

Finish rehearsal from the kiss.

Is this set in a different world?

No, it's set in Beverly Hills.

Georgie: Oh, okay...

Are they boyfriend and girlfriend in real life?

No.

Georgie: I'd be so angry if I was his wife.

You know, it's one of those things where you have to know that it's acting, it's fake.

Georgie: Sometimes a chap can't help himself, though, if...

That's true, jealousy's a very natural feeling.

'Cause if you're kissing someone, and even if it's just a joke, then sometimes your body acts like it's for real and it wants to make a baby.

I don't know, they might have to tape something down.

You know, I once acted...

Have a hat.

Have a hat over it, yeah.

Or a folder. That's what I do during French.

You'd be surprised.

Poppy Carlton?

Hi!

Narrator: After a tour of the set, Poppy is keen to demonstrate her acting ability to casting director Christy.

Okay, want to give it a whirl?

Yeah.

Okay, breathe.

Don't forget to breathe, it's important.

I'm nervous!

(LAUGHS) Okay.

"Where did you get this fear of abandonment?"

"What?"

"Since I will be a successful young person when I take over Forrester, make fun of me if you want. It's going to happen."

"No, it wouldn't occur to me to make fun of you."

"I knew you were going to like me. I just knew."

All right, very nice. Thank you. Now...

Georgie: Very good.

Wait, I want to talk to you, give you a few notes here.

You were very good as well.

Oh, thank you! Been doing it a long time.

Very good. You should be in it.

(LAUGHS)

Um, I know you're nervous.

The more you know the material, the more you can know this, the more you can let that go.

"So, you had a difficult childhood."

"No."

"But your mother left you alone a lot."

I'm going to stop you... Why are you looking around the room?

Why are you not looking at me?

To show I wasn't looking at the script.

No, no, no, but you've got to play to me.

Okay.

I'm the character, don't look at the script, look at me.

(MOUTHING)

"Where did you get this fear of...

(STAMMERS)

"Abandonment."

"...abandonment?"

(LAUGHS) Okay. Well, I mean, I don't...

Honestly don't know exactly what your plans are.

I don't know if this is something that you're...

I really want to be in the show.

Okay, my suggestion to you is you need to get training.

You know? You need to...

For...

For acting.

Do you get the training after the part?

No.

But if I know I've got the part, then I would go and get training.

It doesn't happen that way.

I felt... I feel like I'm normally five out of five, acting, and this was near a four.

You're not a four at this point. I'm sorry.

Not even a four?

Nope.

How do you think that went, Poppy?

(IN MOCK LA ACCENT) Georgie, that went so well.

You did so well, I have to say.

Do you think you'll definitely get the part?

(IN NORMAL ACCENT) Yeah, definitely.

I think you will, too.

How about we do a little role play?

Okay.

Shall I be her?

Yeah. Hello? Poppy speaking.

(IN MOCK AMERICAN ACCENT) It's Christy here.

Christy!

From Da Bold and... Da Bold and Beautiful.

Um, I just want to say that we were really impressed with your actin' an' dat you have da part on Da Bold and Da Beautiful.

Oh, my gosh, thank you so much!