01x07 - Nashville

[bunniefuu]

This is Georgie and Poppy Carlton.

Everybody's taking pictures of us.

Georgie Carlton, lovely to meet you.

They are aristocratic siblings, 50th and 51st in line to the English throne.

The British are coming and they're looking for a man called Derek.

How do you do? Have you travelled far?

It was their father's dying wish that his children make a royal tour of the United States of America...

It's very exciting, Father!

..a country he loved....

Die, you American scum!

..in order to expand their horizons...

Are you familiar with hard work?

Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. No... interact with real Americans...

What made you want to become a cowboy, Jay?

Was it Toy Story 2 or 3?

..learn about their culture...

( Chanting )

..and give something back...

I hope I don't do a grand shitte in these tights.

That did not go down well.

..to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Very exciting.

About to go into battle. Oh, God!

One, two, three... God save the Queen!

Thank you so much for having us.

Poppy and Georgie are in Nashville, Tennessee, the home of country music.

Good morning, it's 06:41, 19 minutes till seven o'clock and 82 today, but look for the sun both tomorrow and Sunday, all day long.

For their first royal engagement, they are guests on the famous WSM breakfast show, Coffee, Country And Cody.

Now, what do we say at times like these, Charlie?

Somewhere between culture and agriculture, that's where we are right now.

Welcome, Poppy and Georgie Carlton to 06:50am, WSM. Good morning.

Hello. Great to see you! Thank you.

You're on a radio station that's the home of the Grand Ole Opry.

Oh, wonderful! Does the Grand Ole Opry mean anything to you guys?

Yes, because our father was a huge country music fan.

He always used to talk about things like that.

Tell me about your relationship here.

As young aristocrats and listed members of the royal family, what the royal family connection is for you.

I'm 50th in line to the throne and Poppy's 51st in line to the throne.

Which...

It sounds like quite a long way away, but the way we like to say it is that if all 49 people who are in line to the throne are on a bus and that bus goes...

( Laughter )

..goes off a cliff, then I'll be king.

( Laughter )

But if I'm driving the bus, then Poppy will be queen.

So, Poppy, your dream is like that of so many other people that come to this town, to be a singing star and you're going to sing for us, I think.

You worked out a little a cappella thing to give us an idea of what you do and you're being followed around, your life is on film with the BBC crew that's in the studio with us this morning.

I'm in this as well. Georgie's singing too.

Shall I do my bit? Yeah.

Because I'm a bit nervous.

OK. Don't be nervous. OK.

Stop telling me what to do.

Can someone count me in?

Can you count me in? Just any numbers.

Four, five, six, seven...

♪ She wakes up ♪
♪ It's the morning again ♪
♪ She can tell from the clock... ♪
♪ Gets up ♪
♪ Rubs the sleep from her eyes ♪
♪ And she's ready to rock... ♪
♪ She checks her phone ♪
♪ She's had 33 texts and 17 Tweets ♪
♪ Facebook ♪
♪ She don't use it so much ♪
♪ But it's still on her phone... ♪
♪ It's a brand-new day ♪
♪ And you've got to be free... ♪
♪ And the thing you should know ♪
♪ Is that that girl is me... ♪

It's a pleasure to meet you both.

Did you think I was a good singer?

Did you? What's that?

Did you think I was a good singer?

Charlie and I were both looking at each other as you, uh...

It went really well until they just stopped us.

They went that's fine, thank you, nice to meet you and we had to leave.

They actually gave us a 20 minute slot and cut it in half. Yeah.

It wasn't even in halves, it was almost in eights.

After their stint on country music radio is cut short, Poppy and Georgie decide to get back on the road to explore their host city.

This is where we go, is it?

I guess the chappie comes... Yep.

Comes out any second, doesn't he?

Americans are so lazy!

Yeah. Do you think that they're...

They're born fat and they grow lazy, or they're born lazy but grow fat?

Oh... I suppose, chicken or egg? Yeah.

Interesting observation.

Oh, oh, oh, we're in luck!

I think there's some people...

Get them!

( Horn toots )

There we go. Hello!

Hello. Yes, we've been waiting for a rather long time.

Does the person come out from the garage to fill us up?

The what? The garage!

Where you from? England.

What do you want? We need to make this go.

You gotta pump the BLEEP gas, if you want it.

We've never done it before.

Apparently, we have to fill it up ourselves, Poppy.

I don't want to... No, we don't want to.

What is this?

This is the crew, this here.

They're filming us.

So we're quite busy with all of this, really.

So it would be really good if you could help us.

Why do you want me to pump your gas?

I'm not your bitch or nothing.

What do you think?

I wasn't suggesting that you were my bitch.

What's your name, sir?

Did he just say the B word, Georgie?

He said the B word, Poppy.

What about southern hospitality?

You an assh*le. You an assh*le.

I beg your pardon?

Get the windows up, Poppy. BLEEP you!

That one with the gold teeth was horrible.

I think we just keep pushing on and waiting.

Oh, my goodness, look at the woman!

She looks like a cockatoo.

Don't look at them, don't look at them...

Oh, wrong side...

Poppy and Georgie have come to a celebration of the '80s television show, The Dukes Of Hazzard.

That car is me. It's got me all over it. JD!

Everybody's taking pictures of us.

Georgie Carlton, lovely to meet you.

Are you from...Canada or Great...?

Great Britain, yeah.

To get in the race car, you have to do this...

And slide in like this.

That's when I fell in love with him. Right.

When he was halfway out and halfway in.

Like this? Yeah.

No, his hand was a bit to the left.

This hand. A bit more... This way?

No, to the right. A bit to the left.

This way? No, to the right.

Oh, yeah, yeah. OK.

We're going to do a reverse 180.

Can't do this in a tractor.

Oh, God!

Oh, my goodness!

( Poppy screams )

Poppy! Hold on, Poppy!

After an exhilarating ride in the General Lee, Poppy and Georgie have been granted an audience with cast member Catherine Bach, who played Daisy Duke in the hit show.

Do you guys know who's in line with us right now?

Somebody who's friends with the royal family in England.

Those two back there. Hello.

Man: Welcome to Nashville, guys!

Thank you for having us, everyone.

You've been very hospitable.

She looks so lovely...

She hasn't aged at all. No.

Father would love this here.

It's really sad he can't be here.

I'll mention him.

Are you going to bring him up? Yeah.

Hi, I'm Georgie. Lovely to meet you.

Very nice to meet you. Howdy. Howdy?

Howdy. That's good.

Can you say yee-haw? You-haw.

No, not YOU-haw, YEE-haw.

You... Yee! Yee... Haw. Ha...

(SHE LAUGHS)

Does anybody know how to say "Yee-haw" in line?

All: Yee-haw!

Oh, goodness. Oh. Yee-hee! Yee-haw!

There you go! Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

You two are related?

Both: Yes, we're brother and sister.

I don't know, I thought you were a married couple on a honeymoon.

Oh, no! In Norfolk normally, but not for us.

Not for...

You can't do that anymore.

Oh, with the royal families all trying to marry each other to keep the power within the family?

There's never been any of that in the royal family.

No! No, of course not.

It's so exciting to meet you.

Our father was such a big fan of the show.

Really? Yeah.

He absolutely loved you and so did I. Oh, thank you so much.

We actually, me and my father, both used to masturbate over the same poster of you.

It's the closest I've ever felt to him.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

With the right to bear arms enshrined in the American constitution, Poppy and Georgie have come to a Nashville sh**ting range to learn more about firearms.

A lot of people come out here and they just sh**t a little bit and then they go back to work or they go home.

You can't do that where we're from.

No. You can't hunt any more.

You know, they banned it just over ten years ago. Yeah. Black Tuesday.

So do people not hunt to get food over there?

No, we just go to the supermarket.

Yeah, there's loads of shops.

That's convenient.

Poppy, George, are you ready to sh**t? Yes!

I should say that I'm the type of girl who zones out sometimes.

So I stop paying attention.

Can the target be anyone you want? Yes.

OK. So my target's basically this girl, Tabitha, at school.

And she's really annoying.

And basically, I had this boyfriend for ages and she was always trying to get him.

She did get the boyfriend.

She didn't get him!

She got him, but he preferred me all along.

Usually I don't envision actual people.

But let's aim for the X.

What about her right tit?

OK. One was bigger than the other and I'm going for the little one.

(g*nshots)

Whoa! Nice.

Did you get her, Poppy?

Yeah, I got her in both of the tits.

That's serves her right for hacking your Facebook. Marvellous. Yes!

Wasn't it? Yes, that's the end of your go, I think. That was cool.

Maybe it's my go, is it?

My go, is it? Now?

I'm going to give you down and dirty instructions on the U*i submachine g*n.

Why is it in Hebrew?

It's an Israeli-made g*n.

Is it Kosher?

I would suspect.

OK.

( Rapid g*nshots )

Leroy, it's sort of like... Erm...

Like a much bigger version of, you know when you really need to go to the bathroom and it sprays everywhere?

A little like that, yeah.

Father always used to tell me off for that as well.

I think I would have liked your father.

Yes. He was a wonderful man.

( Rapid g*nshots )

Good job. Where did I get him?

Uh... Mostly low.

Cameraman: How does that feel?

What a rush!

This is like the best waterslide I've ever been on, times by 52.

Keen to capitalise on their time in the home of country music, Poppy and Georgie have come to meet impresario Cathy and songwriter Scott.

Poppy is excited to perform her song in front of an expert audience.

How do you do? Hi, I'm Scott.

Cathy: All the way from London!

A pleasure to meet you. Georgie.

Georgie, lovely to meet you.

Pleased to meet you, I'm Scott.

Are you guys related?

Siblings, are you? Yeah.

You look just like siblings.

You're gorgeous. Well, have a seat.

Thank you very much.

Now, Poppy and Georgie...

You've got to have the It factor.

I call it the It factor.

What does that mean?

The talent, the looks, the attitude, the personality... The drive.

So, as in the sentence "There it is."

That it?

No. It's more like...

Elvis Presley, he had it. Had what? Um...

Marilyn Monroe had it. Er...

Addiction problem?

Poppy: For me, I want people to look at me and think, "She looks like she can sing so well."

I'm anxious to hear you sing.

Oh. You're in for a real treat.

♪ She wakes up ♪
♪ It's the morning again ♪
♪ She can tell from the clock... ♪
♪ Gets up ♪
♪ Rubs the sleep from her eyes ♪
♪ And she's ready to rock... ♪

There's some spots where you're a little flat, especially in the very beginning of the first verse.

What do you mean, flat?

Singing it not on pitch.

You're not ready to get a record deal.

Georgie, if I can get you to sit right here...

Cathy advises that Poppy spend some time of her song writing with Scott.

Is there anything currently going on in your life that you want to write about?

Our father really recently d*ed.

That's quite sad.

Talk about things that, uh...

Did you ever do anything together?

What brings happy memories when you think of him?

What if we wrote about something about...

What you're doing here?

About how you're following his footsteps.

That's a good idea.

That's a really good idea.

Scott suggests that they write about their father's trip to Nashville in the early 1980s.

♪ He came here in '83... ♪

Something about a bee?

Like, maybe a really big bee.

He, um... ♪ He brought... ♪
♪ ..with him English tea. ♪ No. ♪

What about just A, B, C, D?

You can't just fill a line because it rhymes.

It doesn't work that way.

Because people will turn the song off, like "Eh..."

What about MMMBop by Hanson?

Do you mind me asking how he passed?

It wasn't a heart att*ck or anything like that? No. We could change it.

We could lie.

We could change it to heart att*ck if that fits with the song.

Give me a second. (TESTING CHORDS) Is this the chorus yet? Almost. Um...

"He passed away three months ago," and then the next line, uh...

Oh, I know a man called Joe.

Yeah. He tends to the garden on Wednesdays.

Let me just...

Give me maybe 30 seconds. Give me a second.

♪ I'm going to follow in his footsteps, blow by blow... ♪

Or do something blow by blow, you know, saying like... Go, go, go.

No, no, no... Vietnamese Pho.

It's a sort of soup with noodles in it.

It's pronounced "Fuh."

Is it? Yeah.

I see that you're fatigued and tired.

I see that, you know.

And writing a song...

You want to do it when you're relaxed and...

I am relaxed. I just really want to get this over and done with because I'm really tired.

Do you want to try and sing what we have?

OK. Let's sing what we have.

Be positive. There we are.

♪ He... ♪

Too high.

( She sings off-key )

You're too high. Come down. ♪ He... ♪

Down, come down. There you go.

♪ He... ♪

That's it.

♪ He went there in '83. ♪

Sing that.

♪ He... ♪

You've got to come off the he.

You've got to stop saying he.

Stop telling me what to do.

You're not the boss of me. OK, OK...

One... Two...

One, two, three, four...

♪ He went there in '83 ♪
♪ To make his mark on Nashville, Tennessee ♪
♪ And I love the stories that he told to me ♪
♪ I had to see it for myself... ♪

We thought we were going to see, like, real pros but it was absolutely dreadful.

Ours is so much better.

So, er...

Shall we just go?

You... You-haw!

Poppy and Georgie Carlton are now heading out of town for their next royal engagement.

Father always used to say that I wasn't manly enough, didn't he?

And I feel like this is a...

Even though he's gone, God bless him...

I feel like it's a proper opportunity to prove myself as a man.

May he rest in urn.

Because I don't have a hairy chest. I can't help with that.

He used to say, "You're not a man until you can comb your tits."

He used to say that to me.

Uh... Still not got a hairy chest.

I think there's actually something wrong with, uh...

Wrong with my hormones.

Is that safe? Yes.

Does it have wheels or does it go down to the bottom?

No. We're floating. OK.

Their guide is to be local legend and fisherman, Will, who will teach them an unusual method for hunting catfish.

Today, we're here to do some noodling which is a little bit like fishing but it's for more manly men.

You sort of get elbow-deep in the side and front of a fish.

Not round the back.

That's rather sneaky, to go round the back of a fish and get elbow deep that way.

You want to make him feel like you're in control. OK.

Cos this fish is big, OK?

Should I say something to him or just...?

Hell no. Don't talk to fish, you just show them what's up.

If he bites you, don't be alarmed.

It's OK. You can handle it. OK.

Cos you're a man, right?

This is what I'm trying to establish.

You are!

Do you have a penis and testicles?

Yes. You're a man, OK? OK.

All this has done is just verify that.

That's all it is.

I'll be honest with you, the penis has sort of shrunk back.

Don't worry about that, brother.

How long does noodling take?

There it is. It bit him. It bit him, it bit him, it bit him, it bit him...

It bit me! It bit me! Are you OK? It bit me.

Listen, are you OK?

Yes, I don't like it liked... Are you OK?

This is nothing to do with my singing career.

Excuse me, have you finished yet?

Just about. Have you seen a big fish come out of the water?

I wasn't watching.

OK. I don't want to spend the night here!

Will's telling me I'm not supposed to pay any attention to you, so I'm not... Oh, no, sorry.

I'm ready whenever you are.

OK, let's do this. All right, bub.

Put your left hand down where the body is.

You feel that? Yes. That's his gill.

Put your hand in his gill. Oh!

Oh, my goodness!

Cameraman: How does that feel, Georgie?

It's a rush.

Poppy, look what we did!

Hold it up. Hold it up like a man, Georgie.

Poppy: That's gross...

I do feel like a man.

Georgie is a man, says the catfish.

It smells of fish... I am a fish!

Thank you very much.

You just got catfish, boy.

Is there a shop that sells pants?

On an evening engagement, our royal siblings have come to the heart of Nashville's country music scene where they have secured a spot to perform Poppy's song in a local venue.

Thank you very much. Thank you so much.

Have a lovely evening.

Thank you so much, sir.

What an absolutely lovely man.

We're here tonight on Nashville's Music Row.

I'm going to perform my new song to a crowd at an open mic music night.

It's the first step on the path to stardom but she's wearing the right shoes.

Thank you, Georgie. Hello. Hello.

Hello, everyone. We're just going to sing a little song for you tonight.

I hope you like it.

( Guitar intro )

♪ She wakes up ♪
♪ It's the morning again ♪
♪ She can tell from the clock... ♪
♪ Gets up ♪
♪ Rubs the sleep from her eyes ♪
♪ And she's ready to rock... ♪
♪ She checks her phone ♪
♪ She's had 17 Tweets and 33 texts ♪
♪ Facebook ♪
♪ She don't use it so much ♪
♪ But it's still on her phone... ♪
♪ Brand-new day... ♪

It's my bit!

♪ And she's got to be free... ♪

Thank you.

♪ And the thing you should know ♪
♪ Is that that girl is me... ♪
♪ Whoa, oh ♪
♪ So beautiful ♪
♪ Like a beautiful church ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ If you've been looking for love ♪
♪ You can call off your search ♪
♪ Hey, yes ♪
♪ So beautiful ♪
♪ And everyone knows it ♪
♪ But not me. ♪

( Cheering and booing )

Thank you so much.

See you next time.

Way to go!