02x01 - Beauty

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are back.

Reporting live for "News Today", I am Nerissa Knight at a private airport in California where English aristocrats Poppy and Georgie Carlton have arrived on U.S. soil.

Narrator: The royal siblings --

60th and 61st in line to the English throne...

I'm poppy.

Hello, Lisa Vanderpump.

...are still being followed 24 hours a day by a documentary crew.

Georgie, we share a common name.

Yes.

And this time, they're joining the ranks of the Internet generation.

Hello, investigative journalists Poppy Carlton here.

...filming themselves as they embark on a cultural tour across the United States.

Are you ready?

3, 2 --

No, I'll do it. I want to do it.

3, 2, 1 -- record.

...as they investigate the subjects that define American life today.

I don't know if you guys are aware, but we're not actually women.

In America, do you always finish off with a blow-dry?

Always.

I thought I was gonna be the only one in red.

No.

So, why are you here in the United States?

We're here to find out what makes Americans tick, beauty-wise.

It'll also be interesting to find out about standards of beauty in America.

Will any of them live up to Poppy?

I doubt it.

Narrator: Aspiring online commentators, Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States of America to investigate the world of beauty.

Georgie: It's funny about beauty, isn't it, Poppy?

Because people from different places think different things are beautiful.

I wonder what Americans think is beautiful.

Maybe g*ns or something.

Barbecue.

Yeah. g*ns and barbecue.

Maybe the dream American woman is just a lady made of brisket holding a revolver.

Narrator: By way of an introduction to the subject, Poppy and Georgie have made an appointment at a beauty school.

There we are, Poppy.

Hello.

How are you?

Good. Lovely to meet you.

Hello, I'm Georgie.

I'm Dom.

Narrator: They're here to meet hairdresser Domiano, who's going to demonstrate some basic beauty skills.

One of the things that we're gonna be focusing on today --

Are you a hairdresser?

Of course I am.

Oh.

Yeah, you're gonna be with me.

I didn't realize -- you're not like lots of the hairdressers I've met before.

Okay.

So we're gonna walk over to the mannequin.

Okay.

And we're gonna work on some hair-cutting today.

So we're gonna cut a straight line, and we're gonna use the comb as our ruler, right?

So we're gonna bring the hair down, and if you will...

That's very straight.

Very straight.

Very simple.

So do you want to give it a go, Georgie?

Yes, absolutely. Are these my scissors here?

Those are yours, yeah.

I've never had my own proper scissors.

People have always said I'm quite dangerous.

You actually should give him a wide berth.

Yeah. So you're gonna use your left hand.

You're gonna comb the hair with your left hand.

And you're gonna hold it down like a ruler.

How short are we --

No! Not that -- you're not gonna want to do that.

Wow. So hair-cutting might not be your thing, Georgie.

But it looks lovely, don't you think?

Um, yeah. Wow.

Wow.

What do we do with that?

Um, wow.

You're gonna just drop it on the floor.

Oh, and nanny comes and cleans this up.

There's no nanny in here that's gonna clean it up.

You're gonna have to do it yourself.

Usually when we make the mess, we're gonna have to clean it.

Okay, perfect. So we're gonna walk here and we're gonna work on our blow-dry finishing.

The first thing I want to do is actually, I want to get one of you involved.

So I'm gonna have you get involved, Poppy.

If you can, just take a little bit of product.

I'm gonna put it in your hand. Okay?

And do... - And in America, do you always finish off with a blow-dry?

Always.

That's nice.

So you want apply the product thoroughly throughout the ends of her hair.

Yep. Go ahead.

Perfect.

Oh, it's not too hard.

So you're gonna hold the brush in your right hand and the blow dryer in your left hand.

You ready?

You want me to hold that for you?

There we go.

You're gonna hold this.

You can do it if you want.

No, you need to do it.

But this is much easier if you do that one and you do that one.

And what are you gonna do? Watch?

She's doing the blow-dry.

Yeah.

You need to move that brush at the same time.

So as I move down -- we're gonna have to coordinate this together.

It's actually easier if one person does it.

So we're gonna give it go?

Coordinate the blow dryer down.

Oh, yeah.

Away from you.

You're gonna just start pulling away on it.

Careful, you're --

Oh, that's a good point. Should I -- should one dry your down-there hair?

When you're out of the shower?

Uh, I -- I -- you can, I would imagine.

But not -- you wouldn't go into a salon for that.

That went absolutely brilliantly.

I think I may have found my calling.

You guys work really well as a team.

Thank so you much, Dom.

Thanks so much, Dom.

It was lovely to meet you.

Thank you for having us.

Nice to meet you, Georgie.

Nice to meet you, Poppy.

Thank you. Goodbye, Dom.

Bye!

Narrator: To help them understand beauty in America, Poppy and Georgie have enlisted the help of superstar Mario Lopez to serve as their guide.

As an actor, presenter, and host of the miss world pageant, Mario is perfectly placed to illuminate further the topic of beauty.

[BEEP]

Hello, I'm Poppy Carlton, and I'm here with the most beautiful man in America, Mario Lopez.

We're going to be talking about looks, appearances, and beauty.

Georgie's here, as well.

Thank you. Finally.

Narrator: They begin with the basics.

How old do you have to be before you can be beautiful?

And what about sexy?

How old do you have to be?

Well, I have a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old, so I think as soon as you're born you qualify to --

Be sexy?

To be able to be beautiful.

I think sexy is something that comes with time and maturity.

You know? I don't think you can have a sexy kid.

You know, one of daddy's friends said that I was a sexy child.

And then he didn't come around anymore.

Yeah, that would -- I don't know if I have friends like that.

You've got to be careful what you say.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie have been invited to judge a "cutest baby" competition at a local harvest festival in Florida.

Linda is the organizer of the event.

Hi. Georgie. Lovely to meet you.

Hi, George. Nice to meet you.

How do you do? I'm Poppy.

Oh, nice to meet you, Pompeii.

Welcome to our 40th annual harvest festival, and our "cutest baby" contest.

What makes a really cute baby?

Well...

Is it the eyes, or...?

It could be the eyes, it could be the smile...

A cheeky smile?

It could be if they're really shy, you know?

Or if they say something really hilarious?

That's right, yeah.

Do you ever get adults dressed as babies trying to compete?

No, we don't.

Yeah. - Okay.

Linda: Well, good afternoon, everybody.

And we're honored to have two judges that have come from England -- this is George, and this is his sister, Pompeii.

Oh, yeah, we normally say "Poppy" for "Poppy."

Oh, Poppy.

Oh, Poppeh is her name.

Pompeii is a place in Italy where there was a terrible disaster.

Lots of people d*ed. Lots of people d*ed.

Oh, okay. Okay. So, it's Poppeh.

And our first entrant, her name is Adrianna.

She looks lovely. Well done.

Lovely.

[APPLAUSE]

She probably shouldn't eat so many sweets.

I would say so, right.

'Cause that can be very bad for things like type 2 diabetes.

And goes straight to the hips, as well.

Okay. And our next entrant is Emily May Cisneros, and she's 15 months old.

She's like Uncle Humphrey.

Oh, yes. Our Uncle Humphrey's got a dress like that.

Oh, goodness! [LAUGHS]

And he always does this.

Yeah.

Okay. Our next entrance is Victor Gutierrez.

Oh, he looks like he's wearing a little prison uniform.

Okay. And those are all of our entrants for the "cutest baby" contest.

So, please sit tight, and we are going to get together here now with George and Poppeh --

Poppy.

Poppy, yes.

Poppeh.

And June, my assistant, and we're going to try to figure out who's the winner.

Narrator: Having retired backstage, the judges are deliberating.

So, what do you think?

Is it only one baby?

One baby.

Now, I like Victor because of the prison uniform.

Poppy: Which one do you think was the sexiest?

It's -- it's not the sexiest baby.

It's the cutest baby.

Cutest baby.

Oh, okay. Very exciting.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have made our selection.

And the cutest baby boy is Gutierrez, Victor.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

We're gonna do prison baby.

That's lovely.

And he's in the prison uniform like they said grandpa was wearing.

Yes. That was a w*r tribunal, though.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States of America investigating the subject of beauty.

No, not that! You're not gonna want to do that. Wow.

Narrator: Continuing in his role as their guide is superstar Mario Lopez.

Who is more beautiful, Mario? Men or women?

Yeah, that's a good one. Battle of the sexes, Mario.

I'm gonna lean more towards the women.

But that's just me.

Even taking into account, in england, there are some very ugly women?

Awful.

Huh.

Narrator: Eager to immerse herself in the subject of beauty, Poppy is intending to compete in an American institution -- the beauty pageant.

The royal siblings have come to meet Mona Igor and her two daughters, a family with more than 25 years of experience in the pageant business.

Shawna focuses on the most important part of the pageant -- the interview.

What do you want to be? What is your ambition in life?

I've recently become a small English businesswoman.

Okay, that's wonderful.

What kind of business did you start?

Well, it's a bit vague. I haven't really worked it out.

I decided to become a businesswoman first, and then do the business later.

Um, what about, like, any charity work or community service?

Do you do anything like that?

I tend to find the poor quite grabby.

So, probably not.

Okay, well, in a pageant, we wouldn't want to say that.

Because here, they're a lot about helping not just the poor, but like we said, the elderly or animals, whatever.

I like animals.

I love eating and wearing them.

I don't know about that one.

Um, they do a lot of, like, "if I gave you $100,000, what would you do with it," you know, doing something good, something to help people, rather than "if you gave me $100,000, I would go on a shopping spree."

Yeah, definitely. Or a really good vacation.

That's what I would like to do.

Or you would say that, but you would also have a positive, something with the community, or something --

Maybe could say, "I'd love to go on a really good holiday, but I'll take an orphan with me."

But with a friend instead of the orphan.

I don't think that would count for community service.

Narrator: Back with Mr. Lopez, he offers up some of his valuable expertise.

Could you think of a classic pageant question?

You're the expert.

A classic pageant question.

Something they ask in all pageants.

Probably ask something along the lines, like, "do you think Hillary Clinton has a good sh*t to be the first female president, considering the baggage she's bringing to the election like Benghazi and the e-mail scandal and what have you?

Or will it become irrelevant?"

Go.

Yes.

I do.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie have come to the Miss Broward County beauty pageant, in which Poppy is going to compete for the crown.

Welcome, Poppy. Grant.

Narrator: Here, they meet show organizer grant and former winner Michelle, who will take Poppy under her wing.

Welcome to what is going to be a fun afternoon.

Yes.

Is this your first pageant?

Yeah, it's my first one. But probably not my last.

Well, we'll see about that. Are you ready to win?

Yeah, I really want to win.

She's always ready to win.

Well, we're going to have a lot of fun today, so I say let's get going. Right.

Should I go up as well, grant?

Um, if you'd like to meet the young ladies.

I never turn down an opportunity to meet a young lady.

Poppy, I've got a Georgie cam.

Hello, Georgie cam.

This is my camera. Say hello.

Hello.

I love my makeup.

It's pageant, but it's subtle, too.

Yes. Now let's go out there and get that crown, right?

Yeah.

I thought I was going to be the only one in red.

No.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Georgie takes a front-row seat with the judges.

Let's get the party started with the introduction of this evening's delegates.

So what do you aspire -- who do you look up to?

Just imagine -- who is it? Tell me a person.

Probably me.

[APPLAUSE]

That's not my sister.

Someone said that I look like George W. Bush's wife.

So that's lovely.

Woman: Up next is delegate number 2, Poppy.

There she is. Yes, Poppy!

Narrator: The first part of the competition is the interview.

What qualities do you look for in a friend?

Qualities I look for in a friend, um, the main one is total obedience, because basically I have this friend called Tabitha, and she never did what I said, and she's really annoying, and she thought she was really pretty, but she wasn't actually that pretty!

So probably I'd say that I like people a bit more like Millie, because she just does what I say.

I've got one eye on fashion, one eye on current affairs, and the other on the prize.

Simply put, if life hands you lemons, give the lemons to someone else, and they can make you something lemony. I don't know what.

I'm an ambassador for world peace, not a chef.

Thank you.

10 out of 10.

Narrator: Once the interviews are concluded, the girls return to the stage in evening wear for the prize-gmng.

Woman: Audience, drumroll, please.

Hold on, hold on. Wait for camera.

Wait for camera.

He's a funny little man.

He's my son.

Is he? Well done, you.

Woman: Ladies and gentlemen, your new Miss Broward County Fair International is...

Poppy!

Oh! Brilliant!

I'd like to dedicate this to all of my ugly friends to show it's okay, because I'm pretty on behalf of all of us.

World peace.

Narrator: Poppy and Georgie Carlton are in the United States of America, investigating the theme of beauty.

I'd like to dedicate this to all of my ugly friends.

Narrator: Their guide on the subject, Mario Lopez, has been helping them on their journey.

"When a lady has no clothes on, how beautiful does she have to be to notice her face?"

How beautiful does she have to be to notice her own face, or are you asking me how beautiful she had to be for me to notice her face?

How... I don't know.

I'm trying to tie my head round it.

"When a lady has no clothes on --" that bit makes sense, 'cause... I got that.

I think it might be to not notice her face.

Does that make more sense?

Or for you to notice her face.

That would make more sense.

"When a lady has --" maybe just we know what this bit means.

"When a lady has no clothes on..."

You can stop right there. It's fine.

"Why is a man with no shirt more beautiful than a man with no pants?"

It leaves nothing to the imagination, so maybe ladies are disappointed.

They like a little mystery.

Also, I think maybe you're right, the build-up's better than the reality, because quite frankly, a lot of them --

I've been in the showers after a game of cricket before, and some of them are much more purple than you were expecting.

Okay. Well, I can't, you know...

Speak on that experience, but I'm -- take your word for it.

Narrator: Digging deeper into the subject of beauty, Georgie is investigating how a man can be beautiful.

The siblings are meeting Peaches Christ, who runs a different type of pageant.

Georgie. Peaches. Nice to meet you.

So, I don't know if you guys are aware, but we're not actually women.

It's hard to tell.

So, we're gonna -- we're gonna costume you to compete with the other drag queens in the pageant tonight.

So, this pageant is really looking for the next talented drag queen, and we really think that you have a sh*t at winning over the judges.

So, you will perform a number.

So if there's a song that you know particularly well, preferably with female vocals...

I'm sure I can think of something.

Perfect. And do you have a drag name chosen?

One of mother's friends, who I quite admire, is called Lady Hollingsworth.

My friend Duffy, when he sees a lady with an impressive front section, he shouts "badonkadonk."

Uh-huh.

So I was thinking Lady Hollingsworth-Badonkadonk.

When we were talking, we thought of a few others.

I don't know. What did you think?

Well, playing on Georgie, maybe Georgie o'[Bleep].

Both: What does that mean?

Well, you don't have [Bleep] in england?

So [Bleep] when air gets inside of a woman's vag*na, and as it escapes it sort of makes an audible noise.

A pilates pop.

Yes, a pilates pop.

My friend Tabitha does that.

She's got really weak stomach muscles.

I've never had that problem.

But it's basically a vag*na fart.

Maybe go with Lady Hollingsworth-Badonkadonk.

It's a little bit more polite.

Oh.

Do I look halfway between a sperm and me?

Do you ever think you might be overdoing it?

Well, look at it this way -- this is exactly how I start my makeup, and I look fabulous.

Narrator: Poppy excuses herself, leaving Georgie to emulate his sister's unique style in an attempt to maximize his live performance.

[LAUGHING]

Do I look like you?

You've got my mole.

Yeah, but a sparkly version.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Hello, everybody.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

So, this first number is actually being performed by someone who's presenting their first time in drag to you.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

So...

He -- or she and her sister are descendants of royalty from the u.K.

So you guys ready for her? You're gonna give her some love?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Let's bring her out.

Lady Hollingsworth-Badonkadonk!

Here she is!

Narrator: As a final homage to his sister, Georgie is performing his own interpretation of Poppy's single, "Everyone Knows It But Me."

♪♪
♪ if you've been looking for love ♪
♪ you can call off your search ♪
♪ it's cool ♪
♪ I'm so beautiful ♪
♪ and everyone knows it but me ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Thank you, Lady Hollingsworth-Badonkadonk.

Apparently drag entertainment is much different in the U.K.

♪♪