01x03 - Go with Your Gut

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Angel From Hell...

Allison/Amy: Oh!

I'm so sorry.

No worries. Accidents happen.

I'll bet you're a very sweet person, Dr. Allison.

How did you know my name?

It's me, Amy, from the farmers' market!

Who's this Bit-O-Honey?

I'm Brad. I'm the brother.

Your mother d*ed 412 days ago, and since then, you've buried yourself in work, buried yourself in a relationship.

How do you know all that stuff?

Honey, I'm your guardian angel.

He's working on boning your best friend.

Evan and I hooked up! (groans)

It's not that I believe you're an angel.

But?

I could use a weird friend.

Do they come any weirder?

(chuckles)

So, remember that weird woman from the coffee shop a few weeks back?

The one who put a sexual spell on me?

Yeah. Amy.

She's been texting, so I told her she could meet us for lunch.

Do you think you can keep your flirting in check?

That was a one-time thing.

I don't usually go for a mid-50s woman.

Hey! Aw...

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, you remember my brother Brad.

Who could forget the hottest brother since Idris Elba?

You're pretty fly yourself, girl. Mm!

It's happening again. I'm sorry. And it's a little un-PC this time.

All right, kids, dig in.

No arguing. My treat.

Uh, this is a pizza place... with their own food.

This is how hungry I am.

Should raw oysters be room temp?

So, Allison, how's the love life?

Personal. Private.

I'm all about discretion.

You know, last night, I had a lovely time with a certain vendor from the farmers' market, and I will not name names, so don't even try.

Okay.

Was it the oyster guy?

It was the Oyster King of L.A.! Yes!

(laughs) And I won't go into details other than to say four orgasms.

So, Brad, what's your O-count these days?

I'm going through a massive dry spell. Yeah, uh, two months.

Two months? Well, that doesn't make any sense.

I know.

Oh, come on! Oh, unless, of course, you're still living in Allison's converted garage.

Yeah. Still getting back on my feet after the divorce.

I'll bet it's hard to seal the deal when the key to your house is the wide button on a clicker.

I do tend to lose 'em coming around the side gate.

I'll bet you do.

Maybe what you need is a change of address, my friend.

Allison, it's your turn to share.

Come on. Has it been hard to get back out there after the whole Evan fiasco?

How he cheated on you.

With your best friend.

In your own house...

I got it. I was there.

Happened to me.

She has been a little paralyzed lately.

No, I have not been paralyzed.

I opened an online dating account.

Well, good for you.

Yeah.

I found this really great app where I can study guys' profiles and really think about my choices.

Not good for you. And, of course, you are overthinking this.

What you need to do is turn off the old decision-maker and just say... shuck it.

(slurps) Mmm!

That's delicious.

I'm going in.

Attaboy!

I don't... think those are very fresh.

Mm-mm.

Couldn't do it. My throat literally closed up.

More for me. (chuckles)

S01E03
Go with Your Gut

You got to go with your gut more, kid.

Turn off all those voices in your head.

Said the woman claiming to be an angel.

Oh, whoa, whoa, wait, stop. Now, you can't tell anybody that I'm your guardian angel, okay?

That would be very bad for me.

Tons of paperwork.

How 'bout we don't even talk about the angel stuff?

Because I don't believe you're an angel.

As I was saying, go with that guy, not that guy.

Grab the free sample, huh?

Pet the doggy. Smell the baby.

(inhales) Mm. Whoa.

That is not a clean baby.

Ooh, test the Wet Paint sign.

They're almost always wrong.

Oh. That one was right.

Hey, Dad.

This is Amy. She needs to use the restroom.

Bit of a white lie. I just had to come up and meet Papa Bear.

(chuckles)

Marv! Oh! (chuckles)

You're getting a face full of the sisters now, aren't you?

(chuckles) I'm sorry.

Or should I say You're welcome?

Sorry works.

Well, congratulations on that one. She's a masterpiece.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Who are you?

Amy. I'm Allison's new pal.

Hey, anybody want to buy some oysters?

Only a couple dozen left.

Marv: Yeah, no, you can't sell seafood in the office.

Oh, of course, yes.

Beverly Hills, hmm?

Marv: Allison, do you know how late you are? That's a real question, by the way.

My watch stopped working again.

I know, and I feel terrible.

But I did text Nancy, and she pushed my 2:00.

Cool if I come backstage?

And that area's no longer sanitary.

Just call next time, okay? 'Cause you're never late and it's a little weird.

Is he always like this?

Shaking with worry like a little Chihuahua?

What's happening?

(chuckles) Your daughter is just... fine.

And, now, if you'll kindly direct me to your restroom, I'd like to take a little birdbath in your sink.

That way.

When did you start palling around with an oyster peddler in a vest?

She did help me find out that Evan was cheating on me.

I think she comes from a good place.

She's going to the bathroom with the door open.

Oops! My bad! (door shuts)

(muffled): Forgot we were in Beverly Hills.

Mmm.

Hey.

What's going on?

Thanks for coming by.

Have a seat.

Okay.

How's your day so far?

Well, I...

Listen, I got some rough news, and I want to tell you in person.

I signed a lease on a new apartment.

I'm moving out.

That's great.

Yes. For me. But things have been so brutal for you.

With your boyfriend cheating on you.

With your best friend. In your own house.

I just know that you-you felt safe with Big Bro Brad here.

The only time I was scared was the night you screamed when you saw a bat.

I wasn't screaming. I was scrambling its sonar.

(knocking) Bat.

Get the broom.

Hello!

Oh. (chuckles) Hey, there you are.

Hey there, Allison. You know, I felt terrible about forgetting my wallet today at our lunch, so I wanted to come by, give you these flowers to say thank you.

Aw. That's so thoughtful.

Oh. Wow. So, this is where the magic doesn't happen.

I get it. (chuckles)

Not anymore. I'm moving out.

Good for you. So, you're escaping the, uh, vortex of celibacy.

That's enough. (chuckles)

I don't take sh*ts at where you live.

Where do you live? Just south of here.

Gorgeous doorman building, (phone buzzes) very hip, full of beautiful people.

Hey, you know what might help the vibe in this place?

One of those chairs shaped like a giant hand.

You know?

And I think... yeah... it would just fit through. (phone chimes)

Ooh. Do we have a match on your dating app?

Actually, yes. Yes, we do.

Yeah!

And this one looks interesting.

He works downtown. He's a defense attorney.

Sounds promising. Swipe right for yes.

Though, hold the phone...

You are. he likes a late harvest Malbec.

Mm.

Could be a douche. No, I'm out.

Swiping left. Though he loves reading.

Mostly science fiction.

Your sister just froze. How do we reboot her?

I got this.

Dude, coaster.

Wow. Well... what we have here is a terminal case of overthinking.

And the only cure? A night of underthinking.

You and I are going out tonight.

I can't tonight. No, I have cribbage with my dad.

Oh, I love cribbage is something no one has ever said.

Go out with me to a little club called...

(whispers): Aura.

Aura? Yeah, we can't get in there.

I know the bouncer. Yes, we will.

Allison, go with your gut.

What do you say to an epic ladies' night out?

Do it. Do it. Do it. It'll help you take your mind off me moving.

Oh, uh, yes! Yes.

Yes!

No, I can't bail on my dad.

Uh, it's already happening. Go for Marv. (phone chimes)

(line ringing)

Hey, sweetie.

Hi, uh, Dad.

I've got some bad news. I'm gonna have to cancel tonight.

I...

Go with your gut.

I... It's my gut.

I have leaky gut. Yes.

Wow, you're terrible at this.

That's 110% oyster-related.

I know.

They just looked so good. Yeah, I had one out on the deck by myself. Around 6:19.

Wrap it up.

Okay, Dad, I got to... I got to go. I'll see you at the office.

And so the night begins.

All right, Allison, what are you gonna wear out tonight?

Don't think about it. Go.

The red jumpsuit in the back of my closet.

Yes!

No, I can't pull off a jumpsuit.

No one can.

They're ridiculous. They're like adult onesies.

But the gut has spoken.

Next, left-handed painkiller or right-handed painkiller?

Neither.

Suit yourself.

Rock and roll!

Okay. All right. (whoops)

Have my phone.

(dance music blaring) Vodka or tequila? Go!

Vodka!

(grunts, burps) Oh! (whoops)

Dance floor! Okay!

(both whooping)

Yeah! Mm-hmm.

All right, cowgirl, we need to find you a man.

What are you into? Don't think about it. Go.

Great ass! (chuckles) I'm an ass girl. I had no idea.

I'm on it. Now, do you want to see a dating app in real life?

You tell me, and I will swipe right or left for you, okay? Trust your gut. Let's go! (whoops)

No.

Nope.

Hey!

Whoa. Hi.

I'm Allison.

Hi. I'm Doug. Have we met?

Oh, my God. You're the guy I got matched with on my dating app.

What a bizarre coincidence!

There's no such thing as a coincidence.

This is 100% pure, uncut angel magic.

Now, are we swiping this guy right?

Trust your gut. What does it say?

My gut's telling me to dance with him.

Well, then that is step one. Step two is to kiss him.

Because you will not be certain until you do, okay?

Okay. Hey.

Hey. There was no answer at your sister's.

Uh, yeah, she went out with Amy.

I knew she wasn't sick.

She's a horrible liar.

Yeah. She always uses the time 6:19.

Everybody's got their tells.

It's like you with the flop sweat.

You going somewhere?

Yeah, moving out.

Got a new place.

Really?

Yeah. It's incredible, Dad.

Balcony, brand-new kitchen, rooftop access to, like, a pool and spa.

Ah. Sounds expensive.

I know. You think it would be.

But it's not.

No?

It's just you said things were kind of slow at work.

No, work's good.

I, uh, I sold seven houses yesterday.

Brad...

I messed up, Dad. I messed up.

I don't know what happened. Amy was telling me about going with my gut and the next thing I know, I'm signing a two-year lease. Six months down.

Amy's behind this?

Who is this woman?

I tried to Google her.

Nothing.

Google knows everything.

I tell you, it was so weird I called this cop friend of mine, huh?

Asked him to do a background check.

Maybe he's got something.

(phone line ringing)

Hello?

Jerry. Hey.

Uh, anything on that Amy character?

Jerry: Oh, yeah.

Turns out that woman's got quite a record.

I knew it.

They're all misdemeanors, and honestly I've never heard of most of these crimes before.

Aggravated nudity.

Impersonating a vehicle.

Indecent shoplifting.

That is a weird rap sheet.

I did find her current residence...

It's a halfway house over on Birchwood.

She said she lived in a beautiful doorman building.

Anyway, I also found a video in her file.

I just sent you the link.

Great, we'll look at it now.

What? You can't serve me?

Why? I have a shirt and shoes on.

Whoa, I just saw a rat back there.

Oh, come on. Oh.

Whoa.

(speaking indistinctly, mouth full)

Okay, yeah.

I'd have to call that indecent shoplifting.

Thank you, Jerry.

Thanks. Thanks very much.

All right, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna try not to freak out, here.

(deep breathing) It's... hey, Dad, it's...

♪ It's all right ♪

Yeah.

♪ 'Cause it's all right ♪

What are you doing?

I'm singing the song that Mom used to sing to you to relax you when you were being a little bit over-protective of us.

♪ It's all right ♪

I don't remember her doing it with this much eye contact.

♪ It's all right ♪
♪ Have a good time... ♪

Your daughter is just fine.

Big Bird stole my watch.

Allison is with a criminal.

Where'd they go?

Aura...

Stop that.

No, it's Aura. It's a place called Aura.

All right, come on, let's go.

Okay.

(music blaring)

It's really good to be dancing.

Last year, I got in a pretty bad car accident.

Oh, totally!

What is up with the Kardashians?

Sorry, if I could just, uh...

My daughter, it's... I'm so sorry.

Actually, let me take care of this, Dad.

Okay. What's up...

Kevin. How's the door tonight?

I used to do a little road-housing back in college, so...

So Pops is freaking out, His daughter's in there, he thinks she might be in a little bit of trouble.

I was hoping maybe we could do a quick pop-in.

Give it a little looky-loo?

You're good.

Appreciate the solid from a fellow door dawg.

No?

Do you have change for a $50?

Normally, I would tip $20... That's fine.

Shuck it.

Woman: Are you kidding me?

Oh! Is this what you call going out for formula?

It's... not what it looks like?

Oh, my God. You're married?

All right, this is all just a big misunderstanding.

Okay? Uh, no harm, no foul.

She just kissed my husband!

Well, we all make mistakes.

You brought a baby into a nightclub, so...

I am so, so sorry about all of this.

(screaming)

Allison!

Kev, we got a fight on the floor!

Hey, that baby just took my choker.

Uh... that's it.

You've had your fun, baby.

Now hand over the choker, or I'm gonna make you wish you were never Bjorn.

(laughter)

Rule number one for bouncers... you want to use humor to defuse a crisis.

Let's go.

I did get the formula, it's in the...

What the hell did you get me into, Amy?

Okay, what are you two even doing here?

Just thought you might want to know your friend here, the Jolly Blonde Giant, has a criminal record.

Oh, tiny stuff.

And most of it was when I was young and in my 40s.

Tell how you stole my watch.

I did not steal your watch.

And how you drunkenly Pooh-Beared it all up inside of a donut shop.

I did not steal your watch.

Why don't you tell us about how you lied to us about where you live.

All right, what the hell is going on?

Allison, come on. You know me.

I know you said you were my friend.

But my friends don't lie to me.

Okay, honey, I want you to trust me, so why don't we all go over to my place?

You can see where I live, learn all about me.

I have no secrets.

Give me another chance, okay?

Okay.

Last chance.

Let's go.

Okay.

We gonna get all cozy and fit in one car?

Santa's got some room right here, if you've been a good girl.

(laughs) I can't stop.

All right, this is it.

This is where I live.

It's a supervised facility for people getting back on their feet.

I'm a live-in counselor here.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

So are you a counselor here or are you a resident?

I am a counselor, Allison, in residence.

So this is the doorman building?

You may see a halfway house with a security staff, but what I see is a grand doorman building.

And the people here are beautiful.

That's a great story.

Counterpoint... here's my stolen watch.

Case closed. Saddle up.

Marv... listen.

I felt bad that things between the two of us got off on the wrong foot, so I had your watch fixed.

Check it out.

I was going to leave it at your office tomorrow.

(knock on doorframe) Yeah.

Ah. This must be your doorman, completing the Park Avenue vibe.

No visitors after 10:00 p.m.

I'm marking you down for this one, Amy.

Oh...

We were just leaving.

Allison...

Good night, Amy.

(sighs)

Et tu, Hot Pockets?

We're not doing that anymore.

No?

I am sorry you're stuck with this new apartment.

I'm good.

Brad... this place is incredible!

I know. It's expensive.

Hey, you guys moving in?

Yes!

Just me, though.

Not her. Who is my sister.

We aren't dating.

No. Ever. Never were dating.

I'm Brad. Single Brad.

Hey, Single Brad. I'm Katie.

It'll be so nice to finally have a man on this floor.

This place is, like, all girls.

I used to be a bouncer.

Katie: That's great.

See you around.

Amy is a genius.

Oh, really?

Because one cute girl lives here?

No, no, no. I really think our lives are getting better.

Yours, yeah.

I mean, you have this brand-new apartment.

It's great. But how is Amy good for me?

You got out of the house last night.

You had an amazing time.

Before you kissed a married man.

Who had a wife. Who had a baby.

That kiss was disgusting, by the way.

It was weird.

It was like it felt wrong the second I did it.

Exactly. Now you know that guy's not right for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess would have stared at that guy's profile for a whole week, not knowing he was a married dirtbag.

Amy.

Good God, I want this whole building to move in slow motion.

Oh, Dad, gross, you're... Dad.

I know, right?

You can thank Amy, by the way.

She turned me onto this place.

Let's not speak of the giant.

I will say, however, it appears she fixed my watch.

She did fix it?

(knocks twice)

Hey.

Hey!

She's back! Come on in.

What's going on? Are you moving?

Yeah, seems like the next logical step after being kicked out.

Apparently, having guests after hours brought on a lot of scrutiny, even for counselors, so...

I can't believe we got you kicked out. I'm sorry.

I should have told you that I lived at a halfway house, but I've asked your little human brain to process so much in the last few weeks, I didn't think you could handle it all.

My little human brain?

Yeah, as opposed to the angel super computer I got goin' on right up here.

(trilling) You were right.

I've been a little stuck and, uh, it felt really nice to make some decisions.

But then, you know, you start talking about being an angel and how you have this-this computer inside your head and I'm just like, what the hell am I doing with this woman?

So...

I am just going to ask you... are you crazy?

Does it matter?

Yes!

Hey!

Hey, sister.

(laughs) Aw...

I heard you're leaving.

Yes, I am.

Are you bucking for my mini-fridge?

No.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Oh...

This woman is a godsend.

Aw, I'm really happy for you.

Call me anytime, okay?

Mm-hmm.

My phone is always on. Okay.

Mute. So leave a message.

(laughs)

Aw.

Nice girl. Lots of problems.

Nose candy.

Ah... shuck it.

This is probably nuts, but, uh, hanging out with you, strangely, seems to be good for me.

Brad's moving out of the garage, so do you want to crash there for a while?

Allison, wow.

I would love to.

But are you sure? Have you thought about this?

Not at all.

That's my girl. Up top.

(laughs)

Why are you clapping?

I don't know.

Going with my gut. Feels good.

I don't think it's going to fit.

Oh, it'll fit. Right there.

Your new tenant has a box labeled Loose Bones...?

That's for a project, Marv.

Oh, thanks for being here on time this morning.

(pats rear)

I don't think her moving in is a good idea.

Dad, I know you've been worried about me since the breakup, and I appreciate that, but I'm going to be okay.

LAPD has a photograph of her riding her bicycle on the Santa Monica freeway.

In the carpool lane.

(singing along with radio)

♪ Say it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ Say it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right... ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ Have a good time ♪
♪ 'Cause it's all right... ♪

Just be careful, okay, sweetie?

♪ We're gonna move it slow ♪
♪ When lights are low ♪
♪ When you move it slow... ♪

That's my work bench.

Oyster King of L.A. is coming over and this little garage ain't gonna know what hit it!

These windows are double paint, right? Cause the King is a screamer.

(contented sigh)