01x04 - Family Business

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Angel from Hell:

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

No worries. Accidents happen.

I'll bet you're a very sweet person, Dr. Allison.

How did you know my name?

It's me, Amy, from the farmers' market.

Who's this Bit-O-Honey?

I'm Brad. I'm the brother.

Your mother d*ed 412 days ago, and since then, you've buried yourself in work, buried yourself in a relationship.

How do you know all that stuff?

Honey, I'm your guardian angel.

He's working on boning your best friend.

Evan and I hooked up.

Ugh.

It's not that I believe you're an angel.

But?

I could use a weird friend.

Do they come any weirder?

(chuckling)

To Allison... third anniversary of joining my practice.

You make Fuller Dermatology a little fuller. I wrote that.

His idea. I made it sing.

Well, thank you both.

This is really sweet.

And I have the perfect way to celebrate this.

Come with me on a two-night, all-inclusive stay at one of L.A.'s finest beach hotels.

Classic bro-sis resort getaway.

Sounds a little romantic.

It was supposed to be.

I booked it about a year ago with the ex-wife.

And much like her, they won't give me my money back.

Well, sh**t, I'm busy... not dating my brother.

I'm also swamped at the office.

Don't even ask me, Bradley.

You and me and a beach hotel?

Not enough water in the ocean to put out that fire.

And the surface of the earth is 75% water.

Oh, now I'm just stating facts with a sexy voice.

Hello, Amy.

Hey, Allison.

Marvin.

Not touching me also an option.

Okay.

So, what brings you to our private family lunch?

Relax. I'm not crashing.

Allison told me all about your little celebration for Fuller Face Fixers, DDS...

None of that's right.

And I wanted to, uh, give this gift to you in person.

Oh.

Oh. Wow.

Thank you so much...

Mmm.

For this... piece of paper.

It's a tracking number.

Well, a gift really wasn't necessary.

Nor does it seem like an actual gift.

Especially considering the tracking number is "867-5309," which everyone knows is Jenny's number.

I ordered you a little something online, but the package is being held up in New Orleans.

Oh, is this a picture of little Allison?

Allison: Yep. That's me as a little kid, dressed up like a doctor.

Oh, and in Marv's lab coat that almost fits your tiny eight-year-old body.

(chuckles) Sorry, Dad.

It's okay.

We're about to have some cake.

Great.

Exactly three slices.

Oh.

Hint received, Cranky Pants.

Well, Allison, I will, uh, check you out back at the casa.

Amy out.

So we didn't really get a chance to talk about work stuff at lunch.

I'm all ears.

Well, what do you think about my proposal for updating the computer office system?

I'll have to think about that one.

That's what you said last time.

Is this still about the MP3s?

I lost all my Dave Matthews albums when I digitized from CD.

Dad, Dave Matthews was popular 20 years ago.

It's time to find a new band you're too old to be listening to.

(bell dings)

And did you get my memo about the Nancy and Dave situation?

It's harmless.

Our receptionist is calling our male nurse Sergeant Bubble Butt.

Hey, he served our country.

And apparently was decorated for his k*ller caboose.

Okay, we don't want a lawsuit.

Maybe we should bring in a lawyer to conduct a sexual harassment seminar?

Let me think about that one.

Okay, one last thing... The office parties.

You don't like ice cream cake?

No, I think you like them and you look for every little excuse to have one.

Ice cream cakes are good for morale.

Yeah, but they take up a lot of time and they keep the patients waiting.

You can't change everything at once.

Okay, well, maybe we can just limit the parties to once a week?

That's gonna be a problem, because...

All: Happy third anniversary.

Thank you. We're doing this again?

I know I am. Dave, cut me a slice.

You sure something that hot should be so close to ice cream?

Oh, Nancy, stop.

Amy: Hey there.

I saw your kitchen light was on.

(sighs)

Sorry about barging in on your lunch today.

Yeah, that would feel more sincere if you didn't say it while barging in.

Can we talk about boundaries?

Yes, please.

I need to be around you more.

You can't keep showing up everywhere.

I'm finding it very hard to guardian-angel you from afar.

I know what the problem is.

You're not an angel.

Said the woman who believes in the theory of relativity.

Listen, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna talk some hard science with you, okay?

Angeling is like an FM radio station.

I get messages loud and clear when I'm near you but not so much when I'm far away.

Does it have an off button?

And I got a big old message at that lunch today.

Segue way alert. How are things in the office with your dad?

Make your point.

Your father treats you like a daughter there, not like a partner.

That's a pretty intense theory for someone who's been there once to use the bathroom.

Does he listen to your ideas?

You mentioned to me that you've been trying to get him to update the computer systems for months.

Well, he said he was thinking about it.

Classic dad deflection.

"Can we have a pony"

"Well, let me think about that one"

And how is that pony, huh? I haven't seen it.

Where is it? You keep it off-site?

He will never treat you like a partner unless you take action.

And your first step...

Hire me to update your computer systems.

No.

Why not? It's a nobrainer.

I think you are a lovely person.

And I think you're amazing.

But... that said, you don't strike me as the office type.

And I'm not just saying that because you're three fingers deep into my peanut butter.

Plus, you know, there's the whole no-qualifications thing.

Hmm. What you need is a column-oriented DBMS database...

Properly hashed and salted, of course...

Secured with a 256-bit encryption...

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I overwhelming your tiny human brain?

My...

Here, let me show you a Web site I built for my massage practice, Touched by an Angel.

(chuckles) Here you go.

Wow.

This is exactly what I'm looking for.

Uh, without the adult banner ads.

Yeah, be careful where you click.

Okay.

So, we have a deal?

I'll talk to my dad about it.

Look, I'll come into the office, and I'll set up a demo... for free.

It'll only take a day. There's literally no downside.

(groans) Oh, come on.

What's your dad gonna do, send you to your room?

Good morning, Dr. Fuller.

Amy Cass reporting for duty.

(laughing)

Where are the cameras? Huh?

Sweet Lord, let there be cameras.

Dad, we should talk.

Nancy, I'm gonna need a coffee and a Klonopin.

Ooh. Sounds good.

Make that two, Nance.

S01E04
Family Business

You two are showing a lot of faith, letting me do this, and just know I will never be anything less than professional here at the...

Fuller Family Skin House.

(laughing): Not even close. It's Fuller Dermatology.

You can check the sign on your way out.

Amy, can you give us a second?

Yeah, oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'll just set stuff up.

Yeah. Don't back down.

I thought we decided to table a discussion of a new system.

No, you decided that.

I've been trying to change it for forever.

The system is 15 years old.

I know. Had a cake for it last week.

Your answer is bringing in the vested giraffe from the wild?

She's actually really qualified.

(heavy metal blasting over speakers)

(snaps fingers)

Oh.

(music stops)

My bad.

(sighs) Dad.

Give me a sec. I'm just letting my heart settle.

There's literally no downside.

She's doing it for free.

Still seems expensive. I'm sorry.

Putting in a whole new system is not something you jump into.

So we give her the day to set up the demo.

If we like what she does, we hire her to finish the project.

Okay.

Okay.

Sure.

Great!

You're in.

I will do you proud.

Quick question: When do I get my employee prescription pad?

(heavy metal blasting over headphones)

Sorry I'm late.

One of those days.

You know what your sister did?

She hired that crazy friend of hers, Amy, to work at the office.

That woman is suddenly everywhere.

She just sort of dropped into her life like a sexual Mary Poppins.

It's going to be a disaster.

Eh, maybe some good will come from it, like your sister will finally learn there's a reason that I make most of the decisions.

Right, 'cause you're the dad.

Father knows best.

You got to be in charge.

It's not about that.

Dad... I grew up with you. It's not easy being around a dad who has to control everything.

I wrote your college essay about that.

Why don't you try stepping back, letting Allison have a voice.

Maybe take some time off.

I don't know, maybe starting tomorrow or something.

I'm not going to the hotel with you.

Come on, please, Dad.

It's two days. I'm not dating anyone.

None of my buddies are free. I don't want to be that weirdo at the hotel restaurant reading a book by himself.

You've always had an issue about being alone.

Yeah. Ever since we went snorkeling.

I still feel bad about that.

You drove the boat away.

(laughing): That joke got away from me.

I just didn't think I'd lose you on the horizon.

More tea.

And, finally, let's say that Marv is a patient and he has an appointment.

(cell phone chimes)

"Reminder. You have a 10:15 a.m. appointment on Friday for a shin lengthening."

Amy (laughing): Just a crowd pleaser.

And you would text "Y" to confirm. (phone chimes)

Marv: Huh.

It also automatically sends a reminder to doctors 15 minutes before each appointment.

Welcome to 2016, people.

Nancy, better for you?

Will this give me more time to look at Dave?

Yeah, we should all have more time to look at Dave.

I like her. (Amy chuckles)

I could set the whole thing up in a week for, say, $35,000.

Nope.

800 bucks?

So there's some wiggle room there in the price?

Dad, can we let Amy convert everything to the new system?

I'll think about that one.

Dad!

It's a no-brainer. This is exactly what we need.

I said I'll think about it.

I-I'm tired of thinking about it.

We've been thinking about it for six months.

Let's just do it.

Amy, you're hired.

Hey-o!

No, you're not.

Standing by.

You can't make hiring decisions without me.

Why not? You make them without me all the time.

That's because I know what's best around here.

I've been running the practice for 25 years.

Yeah, and it shows. In three years, you haven't listened to a single one of my ideas.

All right, let's not do this in front of the staff.

I'll tell you what... Why don't you go to your office and relax a little bit?

What? Are you actually sending me to my room? You really do see me as a daughter around here and not a partner. I could make so many great changes if you would just step back.

(chuckling): All right, you know what? I'm gonna go to the hotel with Brad. I'm gonna leave the office in your hands for the rest of the week.

Mmm.

You should make as many changes as you'd like.

Oh, there's gonna be changes.

Hey, do you mind?

Personal finances.

NASDAQ's going crazy.

Not the time.

Okay.

Day one.

The reign of Allison... I am so excited.

Me, too. My dad is gonna see some serious changes when he gets back.

Well, it's a big day and I'd get you a present, but I already got you that thing for the third anniversary.

Right, the piece of paper.

Yeah, tracking number.

What's with all the stuff?

It's for my work area. Too much?

So, what's the day one agenda?

Chair races? B-day party? Strippergrams?

There's always strippergrams, right?

I am so regretting asking you this after I've hired you, but have you ever worked in an office before?

Nope, but in preparation, I did watch Wolf of Wall Street.

And I am super psyched.

And a little baked.

We're not pee-testing today, are we?

I'm so glad you reconsidered, Dad.

We've never done an actual dudes' trip before.

And the streak will continue.

Looks like they did not get my note to de-romanticize the room.

All right, we need to get rid of these rose petals, and our beach towels shouldn't be kissing.

I'm just gonna check with Nancy at the office.

Put that phone away.

You are on vacation. Allison is covering.

Let her do her thing. Let us do ours.

Ow! (chuckles)

Why?

Locker room high jinks.

It started.

Oh, that's right, we get a bunch of, uh, activities with our package... Let's see here.

Shall we start bro-ing out with a little bit of (grunts) mixed doubles tennis?

Lovers' wine and cheese tasting in the botanical garden?

These are all pretty much couples-oriented.

Although the yoga looks relaxing.

Hey, why don't we just start with a couple of drinks?

I want to toast my boy getting me out of the office.

I like where your head's at.

See what they got here.

Get this party started with some raspberry champagne-skis.

Let me go get some whiskey and a cot.

They didn't listen to anything I told them!

Wow, you've really decked out your workspace with a lot of... dolphin pictures.

I just love them. I don't know why.

I was a dolphin angel in my last life.

All right, carry on. Also I need you to transfer all of my appointments into the calendar before the end of the day.

By the end of today?

Well, that would take a miracle.

Isn't that what you claim you do?

Touché. You know you don't have to make all these changes at once?

Thanks for the input, but Mama Bear's got a plan.

Yeah.

All right, everybody, gather around, yep.

I've got a little surprise.

Great, what are we celebrating?

Well, we are celebrating our increased awareness of liability and responsibility to each other with a sexual harassment seminar.

Yeah, a lawyer is going to come here from a local firm, and he's gonna go over what is and is not appropriate in the workplace.

Oh, I know what this is.

This is a surprise for me for my first day of work.

Now, would this lawyer's name happen to be S. Tripper?

Stripper?

A little morale boost for the troops?

Oh, so Wolf of Wall Street.

I love that movie.

(coworkers clamoring)

Guys, no.

He's a real lawyer.

And his area of expertise is sexual harassment.

Is exactly the kind of thing you'd say before he starts stripping.

Enough! Robert.

Hi. Thank you for coming.

Floor is yours.

Hello, everyone. Uh, I'm just gonna get started.

Uh, I'm gonna give a little presentation today on how to make the workplace a safe and comfortable environment.

It's a little warm in here, huh?

It's happening.

What's happening?

Nothing. Nothing is happening.

I'm sorry, Robert. Please continue.

All right, well, let's get this party started.

Nancy: Is just the kind of thing every stripper says before he takes it off!

It's an unfortunate turn of phrase.

Yeah! Take it off!

(coworkers clamoring)

Are you kidding me with this?

Is everything in this hotel covered in rose petals?

That's just bougainvillea.

Hey, there, you two.

We're scheduled to play against you.

We're the Fullers.

Well, go easy on us.

This is my first time playing with the new knee.

The new knee. (chuckles)

It's gonna be a bloodbath.

(melodic harmonizing)

Let's call a switch-out.

Can we be communicating, please?

Really?

(melodic harmonizing)

Oh, come on!

Where were you on that one, buddy?

I need you. I need you here.

♪ She said, "My boy, it's Dagger" ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, whoa!

♪ I was good, she was hot...

My God, have you been working all night?

How many bottles of...?

I drank 85 hours of energy.

Why?

You told me you wanted this done.

And I wanted to pull off a miracle for you.

And now I can say...

And I don't think this phrase has ever backfired before...

Mission accomplished.

(gasps)

Changes are happening, people.

Okay, Amy, show us the magic.

Amy?

Yes, Allison? I have no patients.

I know, and it's a character flaw.

That's why I had to stay all night to get this done.

No, I have no patients... People coming in.

I have nothing on my calendar today.

In fact, oh, our entire month is clear.

What?

What have you done?

Well, I'm sorry, I don't, I don't know what happened.

Maybe, uh, I lost all the appointments when I migrated the system...

I thought you said you knew what you were doing.

It looks like there's one appointment on the calendar at 10:15.

Let's see who it is.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

What the hell?

Well, I didn't erase the appointments, I just accidentally moved them all to Friday at 10:15.

In six minutes.

It's a super appointment.

(door handle jiggling)

See you guys on the other side.

Of the partition.

I'll be up front.

Great win, guys, great win.

And happy 40th anniversary. (chuckles)

I don't know what happened out there.

Oh, I have an idea... Maybe it's because you stole every sh*t of mine. I'm supposed to do one side and you're supposed to do the other.

Don't you know how doubles works?

I normally play singles.

Yeah, I can tell. You're a terrible partner.

I'm a terrible partner.

I mean, it's okay. It's just tennis.

But, yeah.

No, no.

It's 100% true.

This cannot be right.

Hey, listen up, folks.

I just want to apologize for the wait on behalf of Fuller Brothers Hematology.

And that is not the name of this office.

Why can't I get that right?

Okay, who likes magic, huh?

Can you make my rash disappear?

No, but I do see a quarter be...

Wow, that looks super infected.

Allison, this dude needs to go next.

No, Amy, I have to go alphabetically.

Oh, oh, God!

Jeremy, come with me.

(patients clamoring in frustration)

This is a disaster.

Don't worry, your angel's got a plan.

Don't touch the fire alarm.

Your angel does not have a plan.

Holy crap.

Oh, I am so glad you're here, Dad.

This is all my fault.

We'll talk about that later.

Right now, we just need to get through these patients, okay?

What do you think... you take this half of the waiting room and I'll take the other.

Sounds like a plan.

Paul Bunyan's sister, go to the freezer, get me the emergency ice cream cake, stat!

Everybody gets a piece.

Is there just the one emergency, uh, ice cream cake?

Because someone might've eaten it last night.

Hey.

Sorry to bother you.

I just wanted to say I love that book.

Good to know.

Uh, to be honest, I felt so weird about reading alone, I just sort of opened it to the middle.

But I'm piecing some things together.

And I got to tell you, I'm kind of enjoying being alone.

Okay, cool.

Cool. (chuckles)

She was totally flirting with me, wasn't she?

Big-time.

Yeah.

I've been out of the game for a little while, so...

I haven't whacked that many moles since your ninth birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.

How long you been working on that one?

Since Mrs. Nussbaum.

(groans) Dad, I'm sorry.

I was trying to change things too fast.

No, I was holding on too tightly to hear any of your ideas.

That stops today.

Because this is still a dream come true for me.

For me, too.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to work at Fuller Dermatology.

You know what, since we're a partnership, I think we should have a name that reflects that.

What do you think of Fuller & Fuller Dermatology?

Oh, well, let me think about that one.

Okay, yes, I've thought about it and I love it!

(laughs): Good!

Thanks, Dad.

I'll always be the first Fuller on the sign, yeah?

Yeah, of course, Dad.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go cr*ck open a bottle of anything but raspberry champagne and watch the game.

See you tomorrow, partner.

(quiet laugh)

Dr. Allison Fuller?

Yep, that's me.

Sorry about the delay.

Looks like the package got held up in New Orleans.

Thank you.

Huh.

Well, I'm all packed up.

System's fixed and I'm officially retired.

Oh, I see you got my gift.

How do you like that logo?

Yeah, you ordered this a couple of days ago.

How did you...?

I have no logical explanation.

Other than... (whooshing)

(chuckles) No.

No, you've been getting our practice name wrong for days.

I'm sure you just gave them the wrong name and got lucky.

Look at you... your heart wants so much to believe, but your limited medical mind just won't let it.

How do you not believe?

Especially after that miracle I pulled off today.

Your angeling seems to follow a pattern of you massively screwing up and then saying it's celestial.

Well, I work in all sorts of ways.

Seriously?

A prescription pad?

We never talked severance package.

("Otis" by Houndmouth playing)