02x14 - Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind

[bunniefuu]

Liv: Previously on iZombie...

Liv: Who's Rita?

Major: She was meaningless.

He said this desperate Rita chick threw herself at him.

Blaine is selling utopium. He's taking on Mr. Boss.

Where to, Boss?

Boss' guys figured out there's a rat.

You're gonna get me k*lled.

Blaine: This is us striking while the iron is hot.

I never forget a face.

You owe me 80 grand.

Ravi: New Hope d*ed this afternoon.

Liv: So Major.

Ravi: And Blaine.

They're on borrowed time now.

We'll be taking that tainted utopium that we need to make the cure.

We have two bodies full of tainted utopium buried in a shallow grave.

Major: Zombie cure, here we come!

Ravi: Yay!

Stomach acid ate through all of the tainted utopium-filled condoms they swallowed, But luckily, one of them had the good sense.

To stash these in his prison wallet, Allowing me to salvage enough powder...

If not your dignity.

To create more cure.

Starting with this.

The exact same formula as the stuff Liv used on you 10 months ago.

I've got it ready to go. Just plug and play.

Yeah, but now we know the effects are only temporary.

Yeah. Then it's reversion to zombie state followed by death.

Still, it should keep you human for a few months.

Until I can properly develop and test version two of the cure.

Hey, a couple of months of not being a zombie sounds good to me.

I mean, no offense.

I'm gonna take a little offense.

Sorry, not for you.

[sighs]

He's gotta make sure it's safe first.

Uh, we've never used it on a previously cured subject.

Fortunately...

We have the perfect guinea pig.

[pop song playing]

Great morning, Paul!

Back at you, Leslie!

Mmm, smells awesome, Ruth!

Morning, Darcy. What's our thought of the day?

Darcy: "we must become the change we wish to see in the world."

That's Gandhi.

Your boss is Gandhi?

No, the quote is Gandhi.

I know that.

Of course I know that. I'm British.

That manky old git cost us the crown jewel of our empire.

[grumbles]

Cher: She just walked in.

Morning, Cher! Happy Tuesday!

Thanks, Mom.

Did you see what somebody left on the sidewalk?

I'll get the pooper-scooper!

No, it's chalk art.

It's wonderful!

[people murmuring]

Oh, my goodness.

Mom?

Oh, my god.

[theme song playing]

Did you happen to catch her last words?

"I'll get the pooper-scooper!"

Then, ker-splat.

Maybe this is god's way of saying, "whoa, Seattle, too much coffee."

Not just any coffee.

Positivities have Seattle's best coffee, Verified by three straight titles in the local alt weekly reader's poll.

Served up by the city's foxiest cashier.

That part's simply my personal opinion.

You missed a piece of sidewalk.

Fiber.

Mmm!

Mmm?

I'm good.

[sighs]

What a mess.

Poor thing.

I choose to believe she's in a better place now.

Than under an air conditioner, you mean?

I'm talking about Shangri-La. The happy hunting grounds.

Valhalla. The great coffee shop in the sky.

What's your notion of heaven, Clive?

Just, you know, heaven-heaven.

Except in "Clive heaven".

Things are a little bit tougher than here on Earth.

So, what brings you down here on this beautiful morning?

It's raining.

That's liquid sunshine, my friend.

Don't believe me? Ask a farmer. [Chuckles]

Or a duck.

Or Gene Kelly.

You ready to apply that can-do spirit to the m*rder of Leslie Morgan?

So, it's definitely a m*rder?

That air conditioner didn't just fall on Leslie, It was pushed.

Owner of the building says someone pulled out the limiter screws.

In the vacant apartment above the coffee shop.

The ones meant to keep the AC unit in place.

The real estate agent Gary...

Derryberry.

Is meeting us there.

Gary Derryberry?

You know him?

No, but he sounds like a hoot!

[chuckles]

Huh.

The apartment's been empty for a couple months.

The owner is asking too much for it.

Who else has access?

Anyone with a real estate license could look up the code, get into the lockbox.

Now, they're supposed to let me know if they show it.

I need a list of agents and clients who've viewed the place.

Beautiful hardwood floors.

All-new fixtures. Brand new window AC.

Well, it will have.

Very airy, Gary Derryberry.

Yeah, I see holes for the limiter screws.

They would've kept the window closed tight on the AC unit to prevent it from falling out.

So, where are the screws?

Do you smell something?

Uh, it could be the floor finish.

Not unless you used cannabis oil.

Someone broke in.

Cut themselves in the process.

This blood is still wet.

It leads over there.

Wait here.

The smell's getting stronger.

[coughs] a little privacy?

You!

You know this woman?

Yeah. We spent a weekend together.

In jail.

The regina sumner case?

Hi, Pam.

You don't know me.

I do! I was on the bunk above you.

Well, anyway. I was in kind of a rough place back then.

So, we might have got off to a rocky start.

I'm Liv.

Okay. Pam.

Let's climb out of there. No sudden moves.

I see your big ol' g*n, but no body camera.

Guess that's just the way it's gonna go down, huh?

Are you aware you're trespassing on a crime scene?

Hell, yeah, I'm aware.

I'm surprised you know it's a crime scene.

They want you to believe it was an accident.

That gRavity k*lled Leslie.

But not me. I'm not buyin' it.

My Boss was m*rder*d. And that woman made me what I am today.

A pot-smokin' break-in artist?

Hey, that's reductive, man.

'Cause I was here huntin' for clues.

I just tk a little break for a little pain relief.

You worked for Leslie Morgan?

I loved Leslie.

That woman believed in second chances.

Where were you at 8:30 this morning?

It's my day off. So, home in bed.

Can anyone verify that?

I'm currently between lovers.

Could you ask her about the old fixtures?

They went missing a few weeks ago.

I didn't steal your damn fixtures, you hear me?

I said I didn't steal no damn money from the cash register!

Don't you touch me!

[panting]

You keep making slanderous accusations and I will sue your ass!

I just had a vision.

[Pam speaking indistinctly]

It looks like Pam here stole from the coffee shop register.

And she reacted to Leslie in a way that some might deem aggressive.

Pam: I don't care if you are a brother.

The missing window screws.

Best guess?

Our friend here tried to flush 'em.

Pam?

No. She loved Leslie. She just said so.

We'll put her on ice for a little while.

At least until we talk to her coworkers.

Ma'am, I'm arresting you for breaking and entering.

Your lips are movin', but it's the system talkin'!

Hey, buddy. What's up?

You know, saving the world.

Oh! Don't let me interrupt.

Or slow you down.

Is this how it's gonna be now?

Now, imagine how put out the guy who invented.

The polio vaccine must've been.

You know, what with all the impatient children dying of polio stacking up.

Jonas salk is the man's name.

Perhaps if he'd scored a touchback for the huskers.

Or a touchdown for the huskies.

I suppose our test subject is due for a look-see.

I should remind you, it's only been a day since I injected her.

We may not see any results for a while.

Science is a marathon, not a sprint.

Yeah, sorry. You know, it's just my life.

It's not like whatever happens to this rat happens to me.

Oh! Hey!

Maybe he's grown wings and like super powerful...

Balls.

[hissing]

[growls]

[shakily] so, the prognosis for me is, uh...

[growling]

The mcdermotts, together in life, Until its tragic end on state route 520, Shall be united in eternity in their custom-order double casket.

I'm betting they were the kind of couple.

That finished each others' sentences.

Ordered one dessert and shared it with a single fork.

Yeah.

Go tell chief to make sure the hearse's shock absorbers can handle it.

Can I help you?

I work for Mr. Boss.

I believe you have something for me.

Fifteen more payments and you're free and clear.

I'm not sure I ever want it to end.

If it means not having these moments together, you know?

I remember you.

Same old lip.

Blessing and a curse.

[chuckles]

See you in a couple of weeks, Chinatown.

[door closes]

[pop song playing]

Hi! Welcome to positivity.

What can I get for you this amazing morning?

I'm detective babineaux, Seattle P.D.

I'm dr. Moore, with the medical examiner's office.

Oh, you must know Ravi. He's one of my favorites.

Isn't he just the best?

Could we speak to your manager?

I'm a manager.

Everyone who works here is. We're all co-managers.

Amazing.

Uh, okay.

Oh, look, Clive, they're collecting money to get Pam out of jail.

Pam would never hurt Leslie.

It's not just me saying that. So is the money in the jar.

The jar is half-empty.

It's half-full.

You know, we're having a memorial for her here tonight.

You should come. You could meet all the people that Leslie touched.

She made a point of hiring the less-advantaged.

So that they could have a second chance.

Or even a third chance.

How many chances did Pam get?

Lots.

But Leslie never gave up on her.

And always insisted that Pam work the register, Even when money would go missing during her shifts.

So we know Pam was stealing and we know she could be violent.

Pam didn't k*ll leslle. She adored Leslie.

If you want to talk to someone who wanted Leslie dead, Then you need to talk to the guy.

Who used to be her partner.

In business and life.

Where will we find this person?

He owns the coffee place across the street.

He just tried to sue Leslie and lost.

Why was he suing her?

[rock song playing]

Yeah?

We're in the twilight zone.

Next!

Easy, sunshine.

Could we speak to the owner, please?

Stan!

Yeah, it's such a mystery why I sued her.

She stole my business.

The layout, roasting and brewing methods, the menu, everything.

So, those "Best in Seattle" awards are yours?

Yep.

But Leslie's place has won that award for the past three years.

What happened?

People are morons.

I think people are great.

Seattle's daily grind uses the same exact coffee.

Same beans, same methods.

You know what the difference is?

[mockingly] they draw a little flower in the foam.

I love those flowers!

You get your drinks faster because we don't draw in it.

Ooh. Fast is good, too.

You and Leslie were together how long?

Almost 10 years.

Didn't believe in soul mates.

We thought that was ridiculous and yet that's what we were.

Until she saw that commercial for the beacon forum.

"The beacon forum"?

It's a human potential seminar.

One weekend at some airport hotel, All of a sudden she wants to get rid of.

All the negativity in her life.

Starting with me.

My note says that Leslie had a daughter.

Is that your daughter as well?

Cher is Leslie's, from before we met.

She's a smart cookie. Like Leslie was before the beacon forum.

Where were you at 8:30 yesterday morning?

Um...

I took my dog to the poochmore day care center.

At 8:30, I was on my way here, Uh, stuck in traffic.

Can anyone vouch for that?

No.

I could never k*ll Leslie.

Talk to Cher. She'll vouch for me.

Terrell Johnson. He's taken care of?

Yep.

I remember my first.

It went so smooth, like filling out a 1040a.

Afterwards, I treated myself to a steak.

Double cut. Medium rare. It's a nice tradition.

[door opens]

I was, uh, I was gonna go out with my boys.

sh**t some pool. If you don't need me.

Go.

New stop, the funeral home.

You know the guy there used to work for us?

Yeah. He's payin' off some old debts.

Remember his nickname?

No.

Chinatown.

'Cause you gave him a corner right in the middle.

Of the blue cobras' territory, told him it was his if he could hold it.

In Chinatown. Got it.

Great story.

No. That's not how he got his name.

He got it from the way he took the corner.

He recruited these two 'roided-up asian dudes from the gym.

And put blue cobra tattoos on 'em.

Had 'em grab the b*at cop that worked that corner.

They sliced open his nostril like Niicholson's.

In Chinatown.

Yeah. After that the cops cracked down on the blue cobras.

It's like they were working for us.

Huh...

And now it's like the D.A.'s office is working for Blaine.

Son of a bitch.

Something I can do, Boss?

Yeah.

Book me a table at american angus.

Paul: Good evening, everyone.

Or as Leslie would say, "great evening."

Darcy said I was her favorite customer. You're sure about that?

Might've been "one of" her favorites.

[grumbles]

But she's your destiny, Ravi.

I can feel it.

Little test here, Liv.

Jennifer Lawrence. In my league?

She'd be lucky to have you.

Of course she would.

Paul: Gilbert Lambert.

[all applauding]

[speaking in french accent] Bonjour. I am Gilbert.

Leslie was the mother of my girlfriend, ma Chere, Cher.

Cher asked me to present a song I wrote for this occasion.

There's the daughter.

I call it bonjour Leslie, adieu ennui.

And there's Darcy.

Wish me luck.

[Gilbert singing in french]

You don't need luck.

You two were meant to be.

Hey.

Hey.

I was worried when I didn't see you this morning.

How's Ravi gonna survive without his chai latte?

It was touch and go.

Bonjour, Leslie I've been at the lab all day, So I didn't really get a chance to primp.

So, apologies if my hair looks like I've been driving.

With my head outside the window of the millennium falcon.

Is that the new ford?

The one for millennials?

[Chuckles]

Ford. Well played.

Wait, what?

Hmm?

Hmm?

The millennium falcon.

A modified yt-1300 light freighter?

Piloted by han solo?

Played by harrison ford in star wars.

Oh, star wars.

Right.

Yeah.

I've never seen it.

Leslie.

[applause]

You must be Cher.

I'm Liv Moore with the medical examiner's office.

We're investigating your mom's case.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

m*rder?

Can't even wrap my head around it.

Everyone loved my mom.

We spoke to Stan.

I guess some people preferred your mom.

Before she went to the beacon forum seminar.

That's when she started being so positive.

All the time.

Could definitely drive a normal person nuts.

Drove me nuts sometimes, but I still loved her.

Stan said that your mom stole all his ideas.

That she basically duplicated the daily grind to start this place.

Those ideas were every bit as much hers as Stan's.

Even a jury agreed.

Do you think Stan was upset enough about losing the case to hurt her?

There was a time when I couldn't imagine it, But the lawsuit got so ugly.

And when positivity took over as Seattle's top coffee shop, It ruined his plans.

What plans?

He was gonna open franchises nationwide.

But I guess none of his backers wanted to put their money.

Behind Seattle's second best coffee.

Paul: Hear for our next presenter.

Oh, this is Pam! She's a poet.

Her rhymes are wildly transgressive.

You enjoy transgressive rhymes.

Right.

Paul: Pam.

[bass dropping]

[rapping] Leslie, Leslie, I loved you like my bestie Take Pam.

Everyone said my mom should fire her.

Because of all the times that money went missing from the register, But that wasn't Mom.

Behind all those nutty sayings, She was just the kindest... [voice breaks]

Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened.

That's exactly the kind of dorky thing she would say.

Cash reg.

Leslie: Cher, you're the one stealing?

You're just gonna give all our money to some transient.

Or a three-legged dog.

What about art school in paris?

What about my hopes and dreams?

Leslie: That's Gilbert's dreams, honey.

Graduate college first, then we'll talk.

[Cher grumbles]

I'm making cappuccinos roll up like al pacino Leslie, Leslie, Leslie in peace may you rest-ie.

Man: See those moves I was bustin' on the dance floor, Drake?

Drake: What I saw was you mackin' on that plus-sized bartender, Man.

Man: Dude, that was me fightin' her off.

Drake: Okay. All right.

Man: Why, who you been seeing these nights you've been bailin' on us?

You know me. I'm a collector of quality ass wherever I can find it.

[all chuckle]

Where to now, boys? I'm starving, Man.

Wherever you want, man.

[Siren blaring]

Vega: Hey! Hey, everyone! Hands on your heads, now!

Been looking for you, my friend.

You couldn't keep your nose clean, could you?

[grunts]

Yeah, boy! Go, go, go!

[laughs]

I'm giving Cher the benefit of the doubt.

This brain is turning you into a softie.

You just had a vision of her stealing from the cash register.

And then screaming at her mum because she wouldn't foot the bill.

For her paris boondoggle with her boyfriend.

I saw a teenager upset with a parent. That's all.

I bet Cher's inheritance would more than cover.

For art school or a pied-a-terre for two.

When they come outside, Let's find out if she has an alibi.

She just lost her mother.

She was letting poor Pam take the blame for her thievery.

You won't do it.

You won't ask a poor orphaned girl for her alibi?

Clive would. But not you.

You're a softie like me.

You know, I'm offended.

I'm just as hard as the next man. Yeah?

Be it Clive, or Jason Statham or Dwayne Johnson.

A man so hard, he was once called the rock.

I'm so...

Oh, Gilbert!

Your song was beautiful.

You're like a french Bob Dylan.

Actually, Bob Dylan is the american version.

Of my musical hero, jacques dutronc.

This is the police lady, non?

Oui.

Well, sort of. I'm a medical examiner.

And this is my Boss, dr. Chakrabarti.

You were there.

Excuse me?

When my mom was k*lled. You rushed to her body.

Everybody else froze, but you tried to help.

Oh, you saw it happen?

Yeah. I was sitting right there.

On my phone.

My last words to her were, "did you see what somebody left on the sidewalk?"

And who were you talking to?

At the time.

If we wanted confirmation.

Are you asking for my alibi?

Oh, we could check the phone records, so...

She was talking to me.

I heard the screaming. It was...

Was horrible.

And where were you, Gilbert?

He was in bellevue.

At work.

And you work where?

Lightfoot-plummer.

And your supervisor is...

Denise.

Any plans to move to paris?

Once the inheritance money rolls in.

People say it's beautiful!

Please, why are you hassling her?

[speaks in french]

You should be arresting Stan.

Your Boss is rude.

He has lots of other great qualities, though, too.

He's tall.

I may have gone overboard. Sorry.

You were just doing what you thought was best.

You do realize Leslie was m*rder*d. So someone had to do it.

And Cher needing money so she could move to paris certainly gives her motive.

You didn't hold Cher in your arms.

As she wept for her mother.

And what about the boyfriend?

Did he work up tears, too?

No.

But like I said, he was 10 miles away, in bellevue at the time.

At lightfoot plumbers, huh?

All right, I'll check out his alibi.

And I'll see what's up with Leslie's will.

If money's the motive, you might want to take another look at Stan.

Cher said he was trying to franchise the daily grind.

Lined up millions in financing, which fell apart.

When positivity stole his shop's thunder.

[sighs] his financing sounds as shaky as his doggie day care alibi.

The poochmore said he dropped his dog off at 7:30.

At 8:30, the time of the m*rder, He said he was still in his car.

I checked traffic reports.

There's no way it should've taken him an hour to get to work.

Hey, your real estate guy dropped this off.

Oh, thanks, Cavanaugh.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Stan mendoza's on a list of people.

Who checked out that apartment.

He could've seen the agent punch in the lockbox code, Then gone back there any time.

Let's go get some... Decent coffee.

Stan: That's the apartment that the AC unit fell out of?

It was pushed out.

Oh. Yeah, I looked at it.

As well as 10 or so other apartments.

In the neighborhood. I...

I wanted a shorter commute.

Yeah, your half hour commute from green lake is a real bear.

How it could've taken you an hour on a day with no traffic is beyond me.

And we also know about how positivity's success.

Ruined your plans to franchise.

You spoke to Cher.

Okay, I have an alibi.

Good!

That morning, on my drive into work, I started experiencing internal issues.

[whispering] a code brown.

[Liv gulps]

I pulled into a gas station.

And I spent 45 minutes in the men's room.

Do you remember the station?

Yes.

And don't worry. They'll remember me.

They were out of toilet paper.

I had to improvise.

[chuckles]

Okay, thanks. You've been very helpful.

Sorry about your bathroom.

No, I don't need security footage.

All right. Bye.

Denise: Lightfoot-plummer, denise lightfoot speaking.

This is Clive Babineaux with the Seattle Police Department.

I'm calling to confirm some information from a Jill Bear, Lam Bear.

It's Gilbert Lambert.

He's my son.

So he's not french?

No. [Chuckles] he wishes.

He's never been east of boise.

Did another restaurant complain about him refusing to put out his damn cigarette?

I'm just calling to confirm whether he was working for you.

In bellevue on Tuesday around 8:30 a.m.

Tuesday? Uh, yeah.

He was putting up signs for me all morning.

What kind of signs?

Open house signs.

You're not a plumber?

No.

David plummer is my partner. We're a realty office.

Gilbert works for his mother.

She's a real estate agent.

At the time in question, did you actually have your eyes on Gilbert?

[sighs] should we be talking to a lawyer?

What has that girl gotten him into?

[whistling tune]

[cell phone buzzing]

Drake.

Hey, babe.

Listen, I'm hate to do this to you again, But tonight's not looking good.

No worries. Is everything okay?

You sound stressed.

No. No. Everything's great.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Your place.

Bye.

Toodle-oo.

What can you tell us about this other Mr. Boss guy, Kenny k*ll more?

He's one of Mr. Boss' regular trigger men.

I've heard about lots of stuff he's done, But I've never witnessed it myself.

What about you?

Is there anything else we can do to help maintain your cover?

I can't think of anything.

I can.

That gonna leave one hell of a convincing bruise.

Thank you.

[Grunts]

[grimacing] what've you got in there, young buck?

Your jaw made of concrete? [Chuckles]

Just flesh and bone, man.

It's figurative language, partner.

Terrell Johnson make it to the safe house?

Yeah. He's witsec's problem now.

Mr. Boss thinks I k*lled him.

If there's a leak anywhere, I'm a dead man.

So, it's still kinda my problem.

Mr. Boss have any idea who's moving in on his utopium trade?

No.

Do we?

No.

They're covering their tracks. It's like chasing a ghost.

If ghosts were real.

The analogy works either way. [Scoffs]

Our C.I.'s will come through.

We'll find this new player. [clicks tongue]

Well, since you're the only agent we've got.

Inside Mr. Boss' inner circle, Why don't we just go over everything you know?

[sighs]

This one's off, too.

Are you sure?

What'd you do? Did you leave the case in your trunk for a month?

Mmm, I don't think so.

I think there's another full bottle in here.

Maybe it'll be okay.

Candy?

Where's your trivia genie costume?

In my car.

Get it.

Daddy wants to play.

Clive: Uh, it turns out you weren't in bellevue at the time of the m*rder.

Cell tower records show you were in Downtown Seattle.

In a zone that includes the apartment.

That air conditioner fell from.

An apartment you could enter.

By using your real estate agent mom's access code.

With Leslie gone, you get to move to paris.

Live off your girlfriend's inheritance.

Play the same clubs as...

Jacques dutronc.

No way, man.

I didn't do it.

Pardon my french, Gilbert.

But your ass is grass.

"A work of art is a confession."

You know who said that?

Albert Camus.

A french literary rock star.

He was algerian.

Of french decent.

Work with me.

The point is, he understood.

That a great artist shows us the truth.

Confess.

And be the artist you were meant to be.

Or confess, because you'll get out of prison.

With enough time to make something, well, Positive out of your life.

Clive: I don't think it was your idea.

I think Cher talked you into it.

You should be splitting those years.

You shouldn't be serving all of them.

But...

I love her.

So much.

And she loves me.

If she loved you, Would she have asked you to do this?

Clive: Our forensics unit is sweeping the apartment.

They just need one strand of DNA.

One hair, A piece of skin, a drop of sweat.

And when we find it, your chance at a deal is off the table.

I'll need a moment with my client.

In private.

You think he's gonna roll on Cher?

I'm optimistic.

No argument there.

Talk to me, Counselor.

If the D.A.'s office guarantees us a 20-year max, My client is prepared to make a full confession.

One that not only details his involvement in the m*rder of Leslie Morgan, But also covers the testimony.

He'd be willing to offer against Cher.

I sent a couple of unis to pick up Cher.

I hope she didn't hear we had Gilbert and try to split town.

Man: [shouting] yo!

Hey, man!

Get the hell off!

Want to take me to jail?

You want to take me to jail?

Officer: Settle down.

Man: Hey! [Mumbles]

No, man!

Hey! Hey!

No. No, no. No!

No, no, no, no!

Hey, break it up.

[gasps]

I lied.

I did it alone. She had nothing to do with it.

Man: Come on!

Hey, which one of you was supposed to be guarding this man?

I was.

Look, I only turned my back for a second.

To help officer tate.

Now that you done helping him, Take this one to county lockup.

[speaking in french]

What did you say to Gilbert?

Just that I loved him.

And now he wants to take the fall to protect you.

Something that body snatcher that replaced my mom.

After the beacon forum never understood.

Love makes you stupid.

I think that covers the latest Mr. Boss intel.

Right, well, if you forgot anything, Just haul me in, cold-cock me, and we'll talk.

Cold what you?

I'm not falling for it, man.

[Laughs]

There is one more thing.

Photos of you walking into the station on several occasions.

Yeah. So?

Come on. We know you've been seeing that gal in the morgue.

It's a dumb move, man!

When you're undercover, you can't risk having any girlfriend, Much less someone who works here.

You got to end it with her.

Pronto.

Muy Pronto.

Not a chance.

It's taken us a year and a half.

To get you this close to Mr. Boss.

Don't jeopardize that!

You know, this girl's the one good thing I got in my life.

This job has taken everything else.

It's not taking her.

That's a pretty good ass-sh*t of me.

Feel free to hang it in your locker.

Cover up my david cassidy?

Doubt it.

Blaine: and so it was that later as the miller told his tale that her face at first just ghostly turned a whiter shade of pale.

[clicks]

[g*n cocks]

Forget it, Blaine.

It's Chinatown.

[groans]

I hear you're a procol harum fan.

I never cared for that psychedelic pseudo-mystical stuff.

More of a British invasion guy.

Let's go back to my place, man.

I'll play you anything you want.

Beatles. Stones.

Kinks.

Your playing days are over, I'm afraid.

Lucky u.

Sometimes, pointing out the irony almost feels cheap.

Look...

I can work with you.

Under you.

I've got a great product.

Four hundred years.

Blaine: What?

Four hundred years.

That's the combined prison sentence of the guys, My guys, the district attorney's office has convicted.

How do you think they'd feel if they heard you, The rat putting them away, Were my new business partner?

Conflicted?

You ever play Dungeons & Dragons, Blaine?

[chuckles]

I'm sorry.

No.

I did.

I was a hell of a dungeon master.

If players screwed up, they did something dumb, They paid the price.

But...

As they were bleeding out on the b*ttlefield, There was always the hail mary.

The god call.

That 1% chance that the god that they worshipped.

Would come down from the heavens, Smite their enemies and save them.

I suggest you make your god call.

Oh, look.

A hole.

Someone could fall in there.

Here we are. Any last words?

[sighs] I gave you a run for your money, didn't I?

I had you on the...

[choking]

There's your second-place prize.

Well, god?

I think we're good.

[pop song playing]

One more signature should do the trick.

Are you totally sure about this?

Last chance to back out.

You are now officially the owner of positivity.

Feel free to paint it black.

Here is your earnest money.

I will not fire any of Leslie's employees.

But I might have to put them through insensitivity training.

My cab's here.

You're not gonna drink your coffee?

Not really a coffee fan.

I'm more about art.

Imagining something and then creating it out of thin air.

You're a talented girl, all right.

Au revoir, everyone!

Send postcards from paree!

You ain't foolin' anyone, you know?

[pop song playing]

Liv: What is it Cher said? "love makes you stupid."

With every passing hour, Leslie's impossibly upbeat brain.

Has less control over me.

And I'm able to see how naive I've been about Drake.

Does this mean I'm in love, or does it mean I'm dimwitted?

Or is it the fact that even as I get back to my old self, I'm still giddy about him showing up.

That makes me an idiot?

[knocking on door]

Hey! You.

Got a couple minutes for a doomed man?

Um... Sure.

[stammering] I've been thinking a lot about death and whatnot.

And I keep thinking about, you know, what if, If I just, out of the blue, bit the big one.

There are things that I've done.

Things that...

Things that someone needs to know about.

Okay.

Look, last year, I was upset with you 'cause you didn't trust me with your big secret.

I was just afraid of what you might do with the information.

Right, see, I get that now.

I mean, more than you can know.

So here it is.

[Keys jingling in door]

Listen, Major, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you, too.

Uh...

[Door opening]

Oh!

Major, this is my roommate Gilda.

Gilda, this is Major.

How weird that it took this long for you to finally meet?

Yeah. Weird.

I've certainly heard a lot about you.

Nice to finally meet you in person.

I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Hmm. Ugh!

What a day.

I'm gonna take a shower.

I'm so sorry, Major. I was gonna tell you I'm expecting company.

Could we talk some other time?

Major: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[stammering] you know, I should've called.

So, I'm...

All right.

Night, Major.

Yeah, yeah, night, Liv.

Night, Rita.

[door closes]

Rita?

[sighs]

[grunts]

So, Gilda, or Rita, or whatever the hell your name is.

How many pictures of Major did I have around the house?

Did you hunt him down on tinder using a phony name?

Or... No.

You knew he was a trainer.

That's how you found him?

Those lingerie sh*ts that you sent him, When you knew your texts were already tearing me up.

Was that part of the fun?

I...

You know what?

I don't wanna hear your side of it.

You're a sick bitch and I just want you out now.

Because at midnight, I'm gonna hunt down anything you left behind and burn it.

Candy!

Candy, have you seen Blaine?

He's been ignoring my texts all day.

He knows that I have abandonment issues.

Oh, damn!

Woman: Girls, binoculars up.

It's not quite mating season, so we might not see any pairs.

But if you keep your eyes open, you might get lucky.

Oh! Oh!

There's one over there. You see it?

The yellow belly...

No. Look!

It flew over there. Three branches down from the top left.

[all screaming]