01x18 - Genesis

[bunniefuu]

Ah... wine...

The last refuge.

(canned laughter)

Or the first.

(canned laughter)

Hey, Mom, did you call a car mechanic?

Honey, the heater's broken.

Why would I call a car mechanic...?

I most certainly did.

(canned laughter)

Why'd you do that?

Well, cars have heaters, and I'm sure this lovely young gentleman could help fix our radiator.

No... ma'am.

Oh, well, then I guess this glass of wine is going in the microwave.

(laughs)

They cut my second line.

Without that, my character's exit is completely unmotivated.

You were great, honey.

Oh, and look, there's your name in the credits.

Hot Mechanic?

His name was Chip Lubbock.

Well, Hot Mechanic works for me.

No, honey, this is important to me.

I wrote an eight-page character diary for Chip Lubbock of Galveston, Texas.

His father was a deep-sea oil rig worker who abandoned him at birth.

How is the audience ever supposed to get any of that now?

I don't think anybody was gonna get any of that anyway, hon.

(scoffs) Well, now we'll never know.

Morning, Debra.

I cannot believe this.

Baffling, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is crazy, huh, Claire?

Who do you think did this?

No idea, Todd.

Yeah, me neither.

The Big Man!

Todd, get the hell out of here.

Did I do something wrong?

No, I'm trying to think.

(quietly): Okay. Good luck.

(singsongy, whispering): Nobody, nobody, nobody knows.

What the hell, Todd?

Was all this really necessary?

You said get him back because your dad won't let you represent him without The Grinder.

I said rough it up a little bit, not destroy the place.

Well, I had to sell it, Stewart.

You think Dean has never seen a "fake break-in" before?

I had to go big.

If anything, I didn't go big enough.

You b*rned photos of my children, Todd.

Whoa, whoa, Stew, what... Put that down!

This is a live crime scene.

Now, has anybody called this in?

Uh, I did, yes.

I, uh, I telephoned Captain, um...

Phillips.

Captain Phillips, yep.

Good, so Phillips is our point guy on this?

All right, what's his badge number?

I should probably reach out.

You know what, uh, Dean, I'm glad you're back and I'm glad The Grinder's back.

I think we're all very excited about that.

Guys, I just feel like, Dean, maybe we should focus your energies on getting ready for the deposition for Dad's case.

Eh, the depo's a cake walk.

Cake walk.

It's a cake walk?

Yeah, throw a few bluffs at him, sit back, watch him wet himself.

Right, so you haven't prepared at all?

Stewart, my entire life has been prep for this very moment.

For this moment right now?

For this moment right now.

I didn't know that.

It's an easy grind.

Guy will be wetting himself in no time.

Does he have a condition that I don't know about?

I don't know.

Debbie: So exciting that we got to come out.

Congrats on your engagement, you guys.

Yeah, I was just...

Dean and I are so thrilled to share this with you guys.

Yes.

Us, too.

Uh, is there a story?

Well, Kelly gave me an ultimatum, and time ran out.

It was so romantic.

That is.

Oh, um, we... we got to see your episode of Fran of the House.

Oh, Dean!

It was amazing.

That was huge!

What's next?

Kelly and I are moving to Indiana.

What?

Why?

Well, we...

We feel like two years is a fair amount of time to see if Dean could become a superstar.

That time came and went.

Right, Poops?

It's just not my destiny.

And that's okay.

Because who's my superstar?

I am.

You are. 'Cause you're it.

'Cause you're super-duper to me.

Tell them about your new job.

Oh, uh, so tomorrow, I'm going to be interviewing with Kelly's father who owns a commercial freezer door company.

Dean, you're really quitting acting?

Well...

Honestly... he's been much happier ever since he gave up show biz.

Right, Poops?

Mm-hmm.

What happened to your, uh, office?

Why don't you tell us.

What?

Uh, Mr. Manler, in your statement, you allege that Sanderson & Yao misrepresented you in your shoplifting dispute.

Now, my...

You know what that is?

I think it's an envelope.

Oh, uh, sorry, guys, I wasn't rolling on that.

So you... you need the envelope toss again?

Oh, my God.

I don't think we need it.

It would help, yeah.

Here you go.

Todd: Okay... and... three, two... (mouths)

You know what that is?

It's an envelope.

Inside that envelope is a name: the name of a man that you have secretly been working with.

The mastermind behind all of this.

Sounds like a bluff.

It's not.

So you can either be the bigger person and just tell us who it is, or I will be forced to open that envelope.

All right, op... You know what?

I'll do it.

Wait, wh-wh...

(stammering)

"Grinder rests"?

Yeah, you see, I-I... you were supposed to say the name... right... first and then open the envelope, read "Grinder rests," and then be b*rned by that.

Yeah, that would've been better.

Why did you destroy this office?!

Who are you working with?!

Uh, Dean, I didn't pan over, so you sort of flew out of frame.

I-I don't know.

Do you mind doing it again?

Sure.

Todd: Sorry.

Dean: "Are you sure?"

"I'm never not sure."

"Okay."

"I love you, Mitch. There. I said it."

"What we had was special, but now I'm in a committed relationship, and I need you to respect that."

"What's her name?"

"Her name is Lady Justice."

I can't believe you're not reading for this, man.

This feels like you.

No. Bro, it's you.

I mean... my acting days are over.

The character though.

I mean, I say the lines and, like, all I hear is you. And look here, man.

"Mitch's chiseled features are handsome, almost beautiful."

That's you, dawg.

There's a lot of handsome men, Benji.

Say this line for me. I just...

I just want to hear how you do it.

(clears throat)

"Everybody dies.

"But what if they didn't?

Those are the questions that we..."

I-I can't do this. I'm sorry.

I made a promise to someone, and I intend to live up to it.

(exhales)

I-I couldn't do it.

It's like... I forgot how.

How to... grind? Is that what...

Yeah, Mom. I mean, he was The Grinder, and then he had to put all of that behind him, and now he's trying to get it back.

Yeah, and, I mean, it-it's hard. What are you not understanding?

Okay, yeah, that's on me. Sorry.

You went in blind, Dean.

You were relying on a bluff without any facts.

So you're saying I should get the facts and then bluff?

I'm saying you wouldn't need to bluff if you had the facts.

No, there's always a bluff, regardless of the facts.

Well, we have one fact and that is there was a break-in.

Right. So maybe you should focus on that.

Well...

So, it's all hands on deck, trying to figure out who broke into the firm.

Is that what we're saying?

I'm not.

That's exactly right, Ethan.

From now on, I'm not gonna rest until whoever's responsible for this is brought to justice... with facts.

And bluffs.

Great. Great.

This, uh, sounds like a perfect plan.

He's going to solve it!

I've never seen him so focused on something.

Yeah. We're gonna help him solve it.

And who would that point him to, Stewart?

We're the ones behind it.

Or did you forget that?

No, no.

We won't let him actually solve it.

We'll make him think that he solved it.

You look... you look so confused.

This is not a difficult concept. I don't know...

No. No, this totally makes sense.

Todd, all you have to do is follow my lead and back up my story, okay?

No. No. I get... I got it.

Pretty straightforward.

Yeah. Uh, just...

Can you sh**t it to me in an e-mail?

Whoa. Claire, your office is way worse than anyone else's. That's weird.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

I don't see it.

Dean: Hey, guys, could you just keep the chatter down? I'm working here.

Oh, right. Am I in your way?

No, it's mostly them.

Uh, Dean, we were actually just coming to look for you.

Uh, Todd and I were talking about the case.

We were?

We were. Remember? Like, a second ago.

We were, uh, talking about this homeless guy that we saw.

Remember? We-we both saw him out back.

He was? I haven't seen him in forever.

Oh, no. He's been around a lot lately.

Yeah. Kind of just around the time of the break-in, really, don't-don't you think, Todd?

I-I can't speak to the timing of it.

Oh, my God. Okay.

I'm just... I'm just saying, uh, I-I think we should take a look.

No, I don't think that he would do this.

He's always been so nice.

Guys... here are the facts.

The hamburger wrappers tell us the perp is a disgusting slob.

Huh.

He targeted Claire, which tells us he has something weird and unhinged with women.

This guy does not get laid.

Uh... are we sure about that?

All right, here's what's gonna happen.

Todd, you're gonna go put on a fresh pot of coffee, On it. and you are gonna walk me through every single exchange you've ever had with this guy.

Okay.

Maybe not in my office though.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh.

Where were you?

I was with Benji.

Doing what?

Just... helping him.

You've been acting, haven't you?

I wouldn't say "acting."

Were you helping Benji with his lines?

A few.

A few lines or an entire scene?

Look, he needs to book this gig, okay?

If he doesn't, he has to dip into his grandmother's trust fund.

Damn it, Dean, we talked about this!

I know, b-but, listen...

Do you even care about this interview at all?

Yes. No, I-I swear to you that I am done acting!

Okay, because if you did, then you would've been preparing for that instead of working on some stupid audition!

No, I swear. I'm done acting.

I swear. I'm absolutely done. It's over.

When you go in to sit down with my father, he is gonna ask you, point-blank, are you an actor or are you a freezer door salesman?

I'm gonna tell him the truth.

Freezer doors is who... I am!

Deb.

Hmm. Huh? Hmm?

Debbie. Deb. Deb.

What? What? Why are you doing that to me?

Deb, I... I want...

I got to tell you something.

What?

I ransacked the office.

What?

Well, I mean, Todd actually did it, but I was the one that told him to.

Stewart, why would you do that?

I-I just organized that whole place.

Dean cannot find out about this.

Dean can't find out about...

That's what you're worried about?

Mm. Yeah.

Not even, like, a sorry or anything?

I am sorry.

Are you?

Yeah. I'm sorry. I feel very bad about it, but could we just push past my feelings right now? We got to focus on the break-in.

Oh. Oh, you want Dean to solve the break-in, and so that's why you keep pushing this homeless guy stuff.

I'm walking a very fine line here, Debbie.

Very little margin for error.

And you only have Todd on your side.

Good luck with that.

Are we done talking about this?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I don't feel better at all now.

Hey, man. I got your message.

But, listen, my old lady's really on my ass.

I'm not even supposed to be here. So what's up?

You're not gonna believe this, man.

You know that chick Rachel... the assistant casting chick I've been boning the last few weeks?

Yeah, what about her?

Well, out of nowhere, she goes dark on me.

Couldn't get any feedback on that audition from that show I was telling you about.

What, The Grinder?

Yeah.

So, turns out, they're changing the part of Mitch Grinder into a woman.

What?

Yeah.

Damn it, what is wrong with this business?

Every good part goes to a woman.

It's just not fair, Benji.

They read every actor between the age of 18 and 60.

Everybody in L.A., New York, Chicago, London, Orlando, but they couldn't find him.

Well, why are you telling me this?

I don't know.

I just thought you might find it interesting, is all.

Ah... so these are doorknobs from the office?

Stew! That's evidence.

Oh, my God, Dad.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I almost...

Tampered with the evidence.

Yeah, what an idiot.

Guys, why don't you bring him up to speed here.

Okay, so this is what we know.

Each of these doorknobs have been tampered with.

Yeah, but none of them show any signs of forced entry.

Which means, Deb?

That it was an inside job.

And your homeless guy theory is out the window.

What? That... That's ridiculous.

Is it?

Stewart, I understand you're scared.

So am I.

Because it means someone we know... someone we trust... did this.

And I'm not gonna rest until I bring that person to justice.

Justice.

Right. Yeah, you always say that.

Because it's always applicable.

So, Dean, what's the quitting acting all about?

Well, Kelly says if I don't quit, she'll leave me.

It's adorable.

Is it? Is that adorable?

You know, I can't tell you how good it is to have someone who just wants to jump right into that captain's seat and take charge. There are times when I have an idea... she doesn't even want to hear it.

She's the best.

Well, Deb and I just want to make sure that you're leaving acting because you want to.

Mm-hmm.

I want to do what Kelly wants to do.

It's best for everyone.

But long-term though, is it?

Yeah, I mean, don't... don't you owe it to yourself and to Kelly to-to make up your own mind?

(sighs) Yeah.

No, uh... I guess.

We just want you to feel like you gave it your all.

No regrets.

Do either of you believe in destiny?

Uh, yeah, I... I do.

Uh, yeah, sure, I guess.

They couldn't find him.

Who?

The Grinder.

Do you remember that show I told you about?

Oh, hey, everybody.

Hey.

Hi.

Sweetie, that's not what you're wearing to your meeting Daddy, is it?

No, it's not.

Because I'm not meeting with Daddy.

Um... you know what?

We should be leaving. If we're gonna go...

Yeah.

...make it to that...

Mm-hmm.

...going...

Shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

What do you mean?

My brother believes in me.

And I'm starting to think that he's the only one.

Well, no, I also was just saying that I believe...

Deb does.

What's going on, Pooper?

I'm not Pooper!

And I'm also not a freezer door salesman.

If you go back to acting...

I know. I...

I wish it didn't have to end like this and that I could be who you want me to be.

Because you are awesome, and you deserve a man who's incapable of making decisions for himself.

I want that for you.

You really think you're gonna be a superstar?

(laughs)

Good luck with that.

I'll be whatever I want to be!

You'll see.

All right, everybody, phones in the box.

Uh, I'm sorry, Dean, why are we doing this?

I'm gonna be taking statements regarding everybody's whereabouts on the night of the break-in.

All right, well, I got nothing to hide.

Yeah, me neither.

Uh, yeah, me neither. Uh, totally clean over here.

Stew?

I'm not giving you my cell phone, Dean.

Stew, do you know who takes his shoes off at the airport?

Brian Austin Green. Is he a t*rror1st?

No. But he does it because it sends an important message that no one is above suspicion.

Well, you make a compelling argument.

Good day, sir.

Uh, I'm here to repair Mr. Alan Thicke's Maserati.

I'm Chip. I'm his auto mechanic.

I don't see anything in the computer about it.

What was your name again?

Chip. Chip Lubbock.

Oh, you from Lubbock, Texas?

Galveston, actually.

Get out of here, man.

Born and raised.

What was your high school?

Victorville.

No way. You play ball?

I did, I did.

A little special teams, a little DB.

Who was your coach?

Coach McCandless.

And I'm guessing you played for Coach Cordle.

You're good.

I haven't been good since my daddy was k*lled in a massive expl*si*n on an oil rig in the gulf.

Whoa. I'm sorry to hear that.

Don't be.

It's these details that build character.

Where were you on March 13?

At my house.

(echoing): The hours of 7:00 p.m.

Where you on the night of March 13?

I was at home.

...inside job. Tell me what really happened.

You were at the grocery store?

I was at the Boise Garden Suites...

I was with Claire all night.

At the Boise Garden Suites?

I've already said too much.

Where were you?! I remind you, sir, you are under oath.

How would I know where I was?

Aha!

I want the truth!

Where were you on March 13 from the hours of...

(echoing): It was an inside job.

(sighs)

So are you satisfied, Dean?

Can I get my phone back now, please?

Take it. Take 'em all.

Uh, no, just... just need mine.

What do you do when you have forgotten how to do the one thing that you were born to do?

Well, you know, Dean, these, um... these things take time.

I mean, I asked all the right questions, I followed all the right leads, and we're no closer to finding out who did this.

Uh, well, you know, uh, hang on a second there.

Uh, didn't someone jump out at you?

Uh, Todd maybe?

Well, there was one thing that was weird with Todd.

But Todd didn't do this.

Todd didn't destroy the office.

Did he not?

I mean, do we really know that?

You think he's capable of...?

I don't know what Todd is capable of, Dean.

Okay, I need a minute to take that in.

Yeah?

That's a lot.

You know, I'm just gonna take a walk.

What happened? We good?

No, Todd, we are not good.

We're not good?

I don't know what you said, but he's onto you.

Damn it! I pushed it too far.

My alibi with Claire... I just pushed it too far!

That's what it was. You pushed the alibi.

Oh.

Well, look, we tried, but it's time for you to own it now.

Okay, you got to take one for the team, Todd.

Oh.

I have to?

You got to do it.

Hey. I'm sorry, Stew.

I forgot my phone. Could you just grab it for me?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

Here you go.

Oh, look at this.

It was recording... (gasps) ...this whole time.

Oh.

Should we listen to it?

Mm...

No. Don't.

Dean, you don't... you don't have to.

I-I did it.

Okay? It was me.

I was the one who told Todd to lightly mess up the office.

Why would you do that?

We needed you.

I needed you.

We needed The Grinder.

Really?

How'd you know?

Oh, I didn't.

Phone isn't even recording.

There's always a bluff.

You.

You, you, you, you.

You are the missing piece.

You are what allows me to grind.

Do you remember ten years ago, when I would've been happy to never have grinded at all, and you weren't having it?

Do you remember what you said to me?

I'm-I'm blanking, so...

You told me to find my destiny.

And find it, I did.

Hmm.

A woman like you needs protection.

I see you like my brassiere.

Here, you can have it.

Because the only support I need is the United States Constitution.

Stop!

What the hell is this?

We are in the middle of a casting session, sir, for a television pilot!

This is wrong.

How did he get on the lot?

As an actor, we all just want the same thing.

A fair sh*t.

An honest look for an honest effort.

Jeff, call security.

Hang on, Jeff.

It's not my fault that I was born a man.

That's my cross to bear.

And mine alone.

But when Hollywood insists on giving all of the best parts to women, it is my duty, my obligation to rectify that injustice and give voice to the voiceless.

And to say shame... on... you.

Mitchard Grinder is a man.

A strong, proud man.

And I am that man.

You think the character's name is Mitchard Grinder?

Well, yeah. What-what else would "Mitch" be short for?

Mitchell?

Who are you?

I'm the one you've been looking for.

I'm Cliff Bemis, show creator.

It's a pleasure to meet you...

Sanderson. Dean Sanderson.

♪