02x15 - Boiling Point

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Faking It"...

My mom's having an affair.

Farrah, open up!

Dad?

What's the answer?

I haven't had any answers since you slept with my best friend.

There it is! Your Tr*mp card.

I have to go.

I'm not impressive enough?

You're in high school.

God, if I'd known it was going to be like this, I never would have outed you.

Hello, Karma. Please, get in.

I know what I want.

[clock ticking]

Welcome to detention.

For the next seven hours, you belong to me.

You will sit in your seats quietly without your cell phones.

No texting, no Candy Crushing, no SnapChatting your genitalia.

Instead, you will silently ruminate over the shortcomings that have landed you here. Dig deep.

Figure out how not to repeat the same mistake twice.

Or you could get your GED and become an Uber driver.

[door slams]

[birds chirping]

Aren't you guys all friends?

Did you have a hot tub party that got a little bit too real?

I know Shane's here because of his naked protest, but what did the rest of you do?

Clearly, there was a clerical error.

I'm sure I'll be exonerated shortly.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's innocent.

[scoffs]

What about you, Amy?

You obviously have never watched "Orange is the New Black."

You don't ask someone why they're doing time.

And if you must know, I cut class because I was watching a French New Wave film at the Austin Film Society.

I thought you said it was German?

Yeah, right. It was German.

Danke shoe-in.

What about you, Karma?

Yeah, did you and Liam finally get caught having sex at school?

both: No!

I fell asleep during geometry.

What about you, Liam?

I took a conference call during philosophy.

What? It was with our Dubai office.

It's really hard to coordinate with the time difference.

Oh, did you follow it up with a round of golf and a spot of day-trading?

What about you, Felix?

Let's just say that Turner has it out for me.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

Turner doesn't turn the AC on on Saturdays.

[sighs]

Lauren, aren't you hot?

I naturally run cold.

Like most reptiles...

Finish that sentence and I will s*ab you with this pencil.

[clock ticking]

[sighs]

[bag crinkling]

So what's the deal with you and Liam?

You two still not talking?

[sighs] Not since L.A.

Any new developments in Farrah Gate?

Uh, sort of.

My mom promised that that fling was totally over.

Good. The last thing you need is Farrah leaving Bruce for some new rando.

Yeah, that would suck.

Has Lauren agreed not to tell Bruce?

Not yet.

He comes back from a business trip tonight, and I don't know what she's gonna do.

You could ask her. She's right behind you.

Hey, step-sis?

Can we not talk about it? I'm not in the mood.

If you're still on the fence about telling your dad, I highly recommend not telling.

I don't get why you're covering for Farrah.

If I tell Daddy, they'll break up, and then she and your dad can get back together.

Shh.

And I don't want them to get back together.

All they do is fight. They're like oil and vinegar.

Oil and vinegar are delicious.

You know what I mean.

If you must know, I've decided I am telling Daddy.

He's the innocent victim here.

[scoffs]

But you'll be splitting our family up.

No, your mother took care of that.

[sighs]

Hey, buddy.

How you doing?

Fine.

You can't keep eating yourself up.

Look, I know you're depressed about Duke...

I'm eating because I'm liberated.

No more Duke hovering over my shoulder shouting, "Lean and green!"

So you're telling me you're happy you two broke up?

Sure, I'm sad he's gone, but if he can't see that I did him a favor by outing him, that's his problem.

[door opens]

all: Boo!

[hisses]

What the hell are you doing here?

Yeah, did you get lost on the way to the donut shop?

Oh, and did you bring any with you?

I'm here to escort Lauren to Principal Turner's office.

I knew it. I'm exonerated.

See you deviants on Monday.

Out of my way, narc.

Okay, I'm dying to know.

Why would your dad put you in detention?

Because he doesn't trust me to be alone all day.

Why? All you do is play Xbox.

He has his reasons.

Aw, come on! Just one!

I'm starving and you've got a 7-Eleven over there.

No, I need them all!

Fine.

Karma always has mints.

What you doing?

Uh, just looking for a light refreshment.

Ooh, give me one.

You know what? I really need to pee.

Come with me.

[groans]

Amy, I though we got past your fear of peeing alone.

It's not about that. We need to talk now.

[both gasping]

Lauren?

You're not supposed to be here.

None of you are. What is going on?

They were sneaking out, sir, but don't worry, I caught 'em.

Any further infractions will be met with detention until the end of the school year.

Are we clear?

all: Yes, sir.

How could you take him back after what he did to you?

What?

Take who back?

We caught Lauren and Theo making out in the hallway.

After Amy and I helped you out him?

[scoffs] You outed Theo too?

Why am I not surprised?

Lauren, he arrested my parents and me and Amy.

Because he was protecting our secret.

Oh, Lauren, when are you gonna learn?

Secrets always come out.

Yeah, because you out them!

Raise your hand if you've been outed by Shane Harvey.

Thank you for your support.

Oh, no, this isn't support.

You've got a real problem outing people.

If you hadn't outed Duke, you wouldn't be in this situation right now, so just admit it.

I'll admit it if you admit you're a corporate sellout and the whole artist thing was a joke.

Lauren, you can't take him back He's only gonna hurt you again.

I don't give a [bleep] what you think, but you better keep it a secret, because if this comes out, Theo loses his job.

Fine, I'll keep your secret if you promise you won't tell Bruce that thing I don't want you to tell him.

What thing?

The fact that your mom is [bleep]ing your dad?

That's who you caught your mom with in the motel room?

Why did you keep that from me?

We agreed, no more secrets between us.

I know, but I knew that you would be all mad and judgy because you hate my dad.

I hate how he blows in here once in a blue moon if and when he pleases.

He's a w*r journalist, Karma.

He doesn't exactly decide when wars start or end.

Wait, you didn't cut school to see a film.

You cut school to see him.

Busted.

I'm guilty for spending time with my father.

No, you're guilty of yet another lie.

Maybe we should all take a deep breath.

See this is exactly what happens when people aren't their true authentic selves.

Oh, enough with the self-righteous bull[bleep].

You act like you did Duke some huge favor by outing him, but you're guilt-eating everything in this room that isn't made of plastic.

You can't just do the wrong thing and then pretend it's for the right reason.

Excellent point, Booker.

Keeping Farrah's secret is wrong.

And claiming it's to keep our family together doesn't make it right.

She swore it didn't mean anything, so can we just forget about it and move on?

[scoffs]

Wow, why does that sound familiar?

Oh, yeah. That's what you said when you slept with Liam.

Like mother, like daughter.

Let's just sweep it under the rug.

I'm surprised there's any room left under there.

You're one to talk about secrets.

Okay, what's this?

Oh, it's a check from Max Booker for $250,000.

What's that about, Karma?

What the hell is going on?

That's a big check.

No, like, seriously, that's twice the standard size.

After we got back from L.A., your father offered me that check to stay away from you.

And you took it?

No!

Not yet. I-I-I haven't cashed it.

Yeah, but you haven't torn it up either.

[sighs]

[scoffs]

Who wouldn't consider taking $250,000?

I've been such an idiot.

It could help my parents get back on their feet, help pay for college.

How could I not consider it for even a second?

After you left L.A., Zita kissed me.

She made it very clear she wanted more, but I turned her down.

It didn't take me a week to think about it.

Oh, yeah, well, too bad you didn't think before you slept with Amy.

[sighs]

Karma, please leave me out of this.

Here we go again.

You're taking a bribe to stay away from me, but I'm the one defending myself?

I'm not rich, Liam!

I didn't fall asleep in class because I've been studying.

I've been working every catering gig I could get.

And I live in a freaking juice truck!

It's so besides the point, it's not even funny.

If you were offered that money to stay away from Amy, you wouldn't have considered it for one second.

[crying quietly]

Is he... crying?

[sniffling]

You're right.

I'm a terrible person.

I outed you two as lesbians because I didn't want Lauren to win homecoming queen.

And I outed your pills because I wanted to take you down.

And I outed Duke because...

I wanted to ruin his life.

Instead, he told me he loved me.

And now he hates me.

And he should.

I hate me.

Shane, man, come on. Ease up.

You did a bad thing, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

I've forgiven you, and what you did to me was way worse.

Have you told him that you're sorry?

It's too late.

He leaves in, like, an hour to train with some famous Muy Thai fighter.

Well, then there's still time!

We're breaking you out of here.

Ready to form Voltron!

The '80s animated show...

Nobody? Really?

Okay, we have one hour until he checks in again.

But he locks the doors on Saturdays.

Maybe we could get a key somehow?

He's got it on his belt.

Oh, what about the bathroom window?

It was open this morning.

The bathroom window? That thing's tiny.

Regretting that jumbo bag of Cheesaritos?

Let's roll.

[funky music]

I did go running today...

How are we gonna get by him?

Pull the fire alarm.

Shane can sneak out in the chaos.

Ah!

What?

Theo and I were about to get caught, so I created a distraction.

Didn't know those things spray permanent ink.

That's how you got detention.

I'll distract Turner.

How?

I know what makes him tick.

He's my dad.

all: What?

Yeah, I don't exactly advertise it.

It's not easy being the son of the most-hated man on campus.

No, it's okay.

What happens in detention stays in detention.

Right?

Right.

Right.

Hey, Dad?

You never call me that at school.

What are you doing here?

Uh...

You remember when you gave me the sex talk and you said if I had any questions, I could ask you any time.

Of course.

Why do men have nipples?

Well, that's an excellent question.

See, not many people realize this, but every embryo begins developing as a female.

We'll never make it in time.

[engine starting]

Handled.

Book it, Theo.

And that's why masturbation is perfectly healthy.

Uh, what a relief.

Good. Let's get you back to detention.

Wait, I-I just...

I have a few more questions, like, uh...

Is oral sex really sex?

Or does sex require, um...

I can't believe you stopped at a red.

What kind of granny cop are you?

Can you just turn on the siren?

Look, there are strict regulations governing the use of the siren.

[groans]

And, Amy, how can you possibly be carsick?

Stick your head out the window.

Dogs do it all the time and they never barf.

[groans]

I'm sorry I busted you about the check.

That wasn't cool.

No, I'm sorry.

I was way too harsh about Hank.

It's just, I see how hard it is on you when he leaves and... it just makes me a little crazy.

Glad you two made up. We were all so worried.

Petrified.

This light is taking forever!

I can't take it anymore.

[siren wailing]

Go, go, go!

I better not lose my job over this.

To some people, fellatio... cunnilingus... are more intimate than actual penetration, while to others, anilingus is the most intimate.

[tires squealing]

Duke!

I'm so sorry. It's all my fault.

What are you doing here, Shane?

I want to come clean. Please hear me out.

[gagging]

Please don't puke in the car.

I'll find some water.

Uh...

I need air.

Oh, God...

Okay.

[ethereal indie pop]

You gonna be okay?

'Cause if you die, I want your room.

And your blow-dryer.

I'm sorry I pressured you to lie.

If you want to tell Bruce, I understand.

As much as I do not forgive Farrah, I'm not gonna tell Daddy.

I don't want them to split up either.

This... step-sister thing isn't so bad.

[chuckles]

Do you think they'll make it?

I don't know.

It was a pretty big betrayal.

Even if Duke wants to forgive him, he might not be able to.

Yeah, well, maybe Shane doesn't know what else he can do.

♪
♪

I wish I didn't have to think about this.

I wish I hadn't given you a reason to.

If I could take it all back, I would.

I'm so, so sorry.

[sighs] Thank you.

I never thought I'd hear you say you were wrong.

Need to hustle, son.

We need to be at the airport in 15 minutes.

What... you're leaving?

But I apologized.

You forgave me.

I said I accepted your apology.

I didn't say I forgive you.

Stay, please.

♪
♪

I can't.

[engine starting]

♪ ♪

That's enough sex questions for now.

Well, just explain why people want to have sex with animals.

Dad...

You've completed your detention.

I hope you all learned a little something about yourselves today.

And I hope I never have to see you here again.

You're dismissed.

[Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me"]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

[sighs] So where do we go from here?

Home. It's over.

Remember, what happens in detention...

Stays in detention. Got it.

♪
♪

So...

You're all gonna forget now that I'm going back in the school to join my dad.

[laughs] Oh, we'll never forget.

But we won't spill.

♪ Dancing You know it, baby ♪
♪ Tell me your troubles and doubts ♪

Want a ride home?

No, I'll walk.

Need to burn off a few thousand extra calories.

♪ Love's strange, so real in the dark ♪

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

You know, it was a long time coming.

I'm ready for a change, you know?

New leaf, new page. New haircut.

♪ When the light gets into your heart, baby ♪

You want a ride?

Nah.

I wouldn't want to intrude on father-daughter time.

Hey, Karma.

Hey, Hank.

Glad to see you weren't kidnapped in Syria.

You believe no one wanted me?

Bye.

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Forget about me ♪
♪

♪
♪ Will you stand above me? ♪
♪ Look my way never love me ♪

I am so excited to be spending time with my favorite daughter.

That you know of.

That I know of.

[laughs] All right, look.

We've got some options.

There's a new photo show at Yard Dog Gallery or there's a haunted walking tour of downtown.

How much time do we have?

All day.

Well, all afternoon.

I gotta fly to Moscow tonight.

Moscow?

Yeah, new assignment.

♪ Rain keeps falling down ♪

[sighs]

Look, Dad...

Your job is cool. I get it.

It's... it's exciting and dangerous, and it matters.

But I matter, too, and you can't just keep blowing into my life and making me hope you're gonna be there for me, and then blow right out.

If you're gonna be my dad, then you have to be my dad, and not just in between assignments.

♪ Don't you try to pretend ♪
♪ It's my feeling we'll win in the end ♪
♪ I won't harm you or touch your defenses ♪

Amanda. Hey, uh...

Yeah, I-I'm out.

They gotta get somebody else. I want to stay in Austin.

♪ Don't you forget about me ♪
♪ I'll be alone Dancing, you know it, baby ♪

Gallery first?

Yeah.

♪ Going to take you apart ♪

Liam.

♪ Together at heart, baby ♪

♪ Don't you forget about me ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you forget about me ♪

♪
♪

♪ As you walk on by... ♪

[Jimmy Tait's "All My Friends"]

[knock at door]

Hey.

♪ Somewhere I could hide ♪

Can I stay here for a while?

I brought food.

Mi casa es su casa.

But no more eating my feelings.

♪ It's grilled cheese ♪

[laughs]

Maybe just a tear or two.

[sniffling]

♪ All my friends ♪

Hey, what...

Oh, I'm sorry. I made the mistake of telling my parents about the breakup, and now they're smothering me with love and psychobabble about new beginnings and rising from the ashes and...

[sighs]

Can I have my old room back?

Just for a night.

Please.

Yeah, I'll just... I'll sleep on the couch.

[sighs]

Hey.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Uh...

Yeah.

When my mom d*ed.

[sniffles] I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

How'd you get through it?

♪ All my friends ♪
♪ Sitting on the fence ♪

There's no magic b*llet.

[sniffling]

You just...

You do it.

One day at a time.

♪ They'll never rush to my defense ♪

Next on "Faking It"...

We were hook-up hunters.

And the world was our prey.

We will start tonight.

Yeah!

I can't believe you haven't told PFLAG that I'm not a lesbian.

It would mean the world to her if you two would go together.

Dad, that's insane.

I have boundaries.

No more handholding, no slow dancing.

Voila! No feelings!

Yeah, we'll do it.

Let's be lesbians.

Again.