03x02 - Let's Hear It for the Oy

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Faking It...

Karma and I became friends.

How I've missed talking about Karma with you.

Karma is just doing what she always does... changing who she is to fit in with the cool crowd.

I'm back, and I'm over you. We should be celebrating!

Not until you own what you did!

I won't apologize for leaving!

You okay?

It's all good.

Here we are at your public high school that you choose to go to for reasons I will never comprehend.

Summer can't last forever.

Why not?

It's always summer at our house in the Maldives.

We can bring my tutor, Katja.

I couldn't leave Shane.

He'd have no one to validate him.

I'm guessing you'll see Karma in there too.

How you feeling about that?

Karma who?

[chuckles] Good answer.

Thank you for this summer, for letting me crash at your place...

For all of it.

It was my pleasure... sometimes multiple pleasures.

[laughs] But remember, nothing comes for free.

Oh, yeah? What do you want?

Your ass at dinner next Tuesday.

My friend Petal is getting out of Betty Ford, and she's gonna be dying for sushi and, let's be honest, sake.

Tuesday's bad, because... drumroll...

[imitating drumroll]

I have my first Bar Mitzvah class.

[laughs]

Oh, [bleep], you weren't kidding?

No, think it might help me feel close to my dad.

Yeah, totally.

Uh, nothing weird about that.

I can move Petal to Thursday.

Let me guess, Bar Mitzvah class.

Don't worry. Saturday nights... they're all yours, okay?

[clears throat]

And I'm looking forward to your white party.

Good. Don't forget to invite your friends.

Have Shane do it if you're too busy being Jewish.

♪ Just the way I like ♪

Hester!

We are back!

After our victory over the school board, we are better than ever.

And this year, we're not holding back.

We're gonna show America what's possible...

[gong sounds]

From our brand-new hydroponic herb garden in the cafeteria to our solar-powered charging stations in the quad.

But Hester isn't just changing on the outside.

We are changing on the inside.

We're becoming the most open, accepting, emotionally safe high school on the planet.

How? By remembering our new motto... sustainability, tolerance, innovation.

S-T-I!

And with your help, we'll share our STI with the world!

How did nobody catch that?

10 bucks says she makes hugging mandatory.

[laughs] Or recycles our urine into drinking water.

Ugh. If she does, I am moving back to Dallas.

Nope. Not allowed.

[somber music]

Let's go eat outside.

With climate change, who knows how much longer we'll be able to?

She looks sad.

I think I really hurt her feelings.

Oh, my God, how are you already caving?

I'm not caving.

Amy, you don't owe Karma an apology.

You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself.

You evolved, remember?

I know, but it's just hard not to devolve when she's right there.

What if we make her disappear?

Okay, now you're creeping me out.

We leak that video you showed me.

She'd have no choice but to homeschool.

Okay, Lauren, I'm mad at Karma, okay?

But I don't want to destroy her.

Eventually, we're gonna make up.

My way's more fun, but whatever.

Is that what happened to Lisbeth?

[laughs]

No, she's looking this way.

Look like you're having fun.

[both laughing]

[upbeat music]

Oh, like I can't see through that.

See through what?

Oh, uh, just working on some new song lyrics.

It's all good.

Babe, you've been giving off some really intense energy lately.

What happened to my chill girl from this summer?

She's still here!

She's got a tattoo to prove it.

She's just dealing with a friend who hurt her.

Oh, babe, that's rough.

It is rough. Thank you.

Forgiveness is a bitch.

But once you do it, you'll both be set free.

Well, how can I forgive her if she won't apologize?

Now, see, thinking like that is the cause of suffering.

Have you tried meditation?

It can really help your mind shift.

Yeah, I'm sure that's the answer.

I'm just gonna take these too.

Thank you.

♪

both: Shane!

♪

[chuckles nervously]

I'm just gonna sit over here.

[softly] I'm sorry.

[laughs]

Hi.

[scoffs]

Still feeling evolved?

Yep.

Couldn't care less.

[indie rock music]

♪
♪ Cherry tree calling me here ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a maple leaf headed for... ♪

Wow.

Wow good or wow bad?

Wow great.

Liam Booker, what can't you do with a paintbrush?

Bring my dead dad back to life.

Sorry. That was a joke.

But, yeah, it's kind of what this piece is about.

Shane told me.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks.

But, you know, it's not like I ever met him.

Yeah, but I know how much you wanted to connect with him.

Yeah, I still do.

Which is why I signed up for Bar Mitzvah classes.

Shalom.

Look.

Wow. That's amazing.

Liam?

Thanks.

Liam, you butt-dialed me again.

Really, fantastic. I kind of grew up Jewish.

My parents are pan-spiritual, so we celebrate everything.

Judaism's my favorite, though.

It feels like less of a religion and more like...

Both: An identity.

[chuckles]

You have no idea how nice it is just to talk to someone who... who just gets it.

[gong sounds]

That's the fourth period gong.

It's good to see you.

Yeah, it was good to see you, too.

I heard she's having tigers flown in just for the night.

Tigers, Amy!

Ask Shane to get us in.

I would, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

I spill way too much to be in an all-white environment.

Plus, I don't really feel like talking to Shane right now.

Fine, we'll stay in.

But I get to pick the movie.

One more depressing documentary, and I might become a Democrat.

Why don't you want to talk to me?

You know why.

Amy, you can't be upset with me about lunch.

I fully intend on sitting with you tomorrow.

I picked Karma because I knew you were evolved and you wouldn't make a big deal about it.

Trust me, I'm not making a big deal about it.

You can sit with Karma every day if you want.

Matter of fact, you can sit with her all year.

[scoffs] Look, I am on your side.

Karma isn't thinking clearly.

I think it's because she lacks the grounding influence of your nightly check-ins before bed.

Hey, isn't tomorrow the premiere of "Dance Moms"?

You two could watch it together.

You could just say you're sorry.

It is supposed to be the most drama-filled season yet.

You went away for the summer to save your friendship.

Why walk away now?

Be the bigger person.

Yeah, Amy.

Give up on your principles and chase after Karma, just like you always do.

While you're at it, why don't you just fall back in love with her all over again?

No, I left town to save our friendship.

And to do that, I need to have boundaries.

There's no way I'm making the first move.

Why would I make the first move?

You have Dylan.

And more importantly, you have me.

Amy's stuck with Lauren.

And why is that my fault?

Ow!

I'm not saying it was.

I'm just saying, I know how much she misses you.

She told me.

She did?

Through body language.

She's hoping you two make up before the season premiere of "Dance Moms."

It is supposed to be the most drama-filled season yet.

Maybe you should just drop this whole thing.

After all, Amy did fall in love with you.

Everyone always takes Amy's side.

But it's not like I wanted this to happen.

And from the second I found out about her feelings, I've done everything I can to make sure our friendship survived, including forgiving her for sleeping with Liam.

I didn't just run away when things got hard.

Ah!

I'm sorry.

That's exactly what I told Amy.

You did?

Yeah.

What did she say?

She asked me to make sure that you go to Zita's white party because she is ready to apologize.

Seriously?

That's a weird place for her to choose.

I thought so too, but she insisted.

Okay.

I'm gonna go wash your feet off my hands, and then we have to discuss outfit ideas.

Yay.

[cell phone clicking, bloops]

[Phase's "I'm in Love with My Life" playing]

♪ I'm in love with my life ♪

My first white party... fancy.

And not nearly as r*cist as it sounds.

I'm so glad you changed your mind.

You seemed so opposed.

Well, I just felt like I would kick myself if I didn't see the tigers.

Where are they?

Quick selfie for my followers.

[camera shutter clicks]

They appreciate my aspirational lifestyle.

♪
♪ You know it ♪

Okay, got my pic. Let's go.

Wait. We just got here.

And... I didn't even get to use my stain stick yet.

You don't want to spend the whole night avoiding she-who-won't-be-named- and-shouldn't-be-here.

Well, maybe I don't have to.

Apparently, Karma is ready to put this all behind us.

And I didn't even have to cave.

Yay, principles.

Let me guess... Shane told you this.

Will you excuse me?

♪ Come and lose yourself a little while ♪

Dance with me, starfish.

Uh...

I think I should stay in this general vicinity, you know, just in case someone needs to talk.

I'm a safe space.

I dig how selfless you are.

♪
♪ I'm in love with my life ♪
♪ Come and lose yourself ♪

Oh, yay.

I see Karma's here.

♪ Take a chance ♪

Oh, uh, yeah.

Shane must've invited her.

Great.

Then she won't miss your big surprise.

Wait, what are you talking about?

♪ I'm in love with my, I'm in love with my ♪

Hello. Everyone, good evening,.

Hi. Thank you so much for coming.

Uh, slight change of plans.

Tonight's white party is actually...

Liam Booker's surprise Bar Mitzvah!

[upbeat Jewish music]

♪

Oh, my God.

♪

Not too bad for a shiksa, right?

I just wanted to show you that I get it.

Yeah, this is...

Wow. [chuckles]

Whoo, a-a Bar Mitzvah.

Oh, you.

I knew you'd love it.

Okay, I'll be right back.

I got a few more surprises up my sleeve.

What did you do now?

[sighs] I got gelt on my shirt.

No, Amy said you told her Karma's backing down, but I'm not buying it.

What's your scheme?

Glad you asked.

For this challenge, I knew simple would work best.

Karma and Amy are dying to get back together, but they're both too stubborn to back down.

I knew I just had to get them in the same room and, "voila"!

And you think they're just gonna make up?

What show have you been watching?

Those two can't stay mad at each other.

It's only a matter of time before their teary reunion.

Oh, here we go.

[playful music]

Grab your Kleenex.

♪

Hey.

Hey.

So...

So...

So?

So?

So!

So?

So...

So...

So!

So!

So?

So!

♪

Looks like your plan was just a little too simple, just like you.

[scoffs]

♪ I've made up my mind ♪

There aren't many Bar Mitzvahs on Maui.

Are they always this crazy?

This one is definitely all bar and no mitzvah.

It's a joke. Never mind.

Hey! May I cut in?

Go right ahead.

I'm gonna grab a bagel and carbo-load for this funkfest that's about to unfold.

Do it, brah.

Yay.

You lied to me, Shane!

Amy didn't apologize!

Apparently, she had a micro-stroke and couldn't stop saying "so."

Enough!

And even if she did apologize, it wouldn't matter, because I am done.

Oh, please!

We all know you're gonna get back together.

You don't know that.

Friendships end.

We had a good run, and we made some great memories, but I've moved on.

If that's true, then why do you still have her EpiPen in your purse?

Like she's the only person here with a severe nut allergy.

♪

Mazel tov, Booker.

This is my first Bar Mitzvah.

I heard we're supposed to do this.

Don't spend it all in one place.

No, I can't take your money!

This isn't a real Bar Mitzvah.

Liam, have you tried the bacon-wrapped scallops?

Who invented these things?

Not the Jews.

Shellfish and pork are not kosher.

Oh.

I'll be right back.

♪

Hey, Zita. Do you have a second?

Can we talk?

There he is... the man of the hour!

Um, boys?

Boys, can you drop the curtain?

[playful music]

Dude, you got to show me your ab regimen.

[laughs] That's funny.

We'll be right back.

Let's go this way.

This is such a fun party you've thrown me.

Ah, such a fun Bar Mitzvah.

That's the thing.

You realize this isn't an actual Bar Mitzvah, right?

Sure it is.

I grew up in Scarsdale. I went to tons of them.

And all my friends wished they could skip the boring Hebrew classes and get to the fun part.

And you get to.

The boring part is why I'm doing this.

I want to connect to my dad and my heritage.

I don't care about the stupid party.

How can you say you get it if you don't get that?

Well, I do now.

I can't believe I was so close to caving.

But you didn't. That's progress.

And now you know to avoid Shane.

He cannot be trusted.

Mm-mm.

Speak of the devil.

Amy, I'm sorry for lying to you.

I tried to meddle, and I just made things worse.

I feel terrible.

Beware his forked tongue.

So, to show you how sorry I am, I brought you this Jewish doughnut.

You're favorite.

You know me so well.

[laughs]

Nuh!

Lauren!

There are nuts in this!

He was trying to poison you!

[gasps]

Okay, let's not exaggerate.

Amy was never going to die, because Karma was going to swoop in and rescue her.

She still keeps Amy's EpiPen in her purse.

Aw, she does?

Yeah, how sweet, right?

Caving.

Amy, who are you gonna listen to... me or the guy who just tried to k*ll you?

[sighs]

Excuse me while I go wash off this nut dust and betrayal.

Really, Shane?

That was a little desperate. I'm just trying to help her.

Karma and Amy need to get back together.

Why... so you don't have to choose who to sit with at lunch?

Exactly.

Because the longer this goes on, the more likely it is that I will have to choose one of them one day for good.

And I don't want to have to do that.

But you wouldn't understand. You've never had two friends.

Karma and Amy aren't friends.

They're a giant ball of chaos that leaves nothing but pain and devastation in its wake.

I think Amy would be better off investing in new relationships.

Like yours?

I wasn't referencing me specifically, but, yes, I could be a part of that group.

Lauren, I say this to you as a friend... ly person.

Don't get too used to being Amy's number one.

Karma and Amy will make up, and soon you'll be back to being number two... three.

Honestly, it's more like four.

♪

God, I wish men had to experience this just once.

Do you mind if I cut?

I just touched some nuts.

♪

I'm just washing my hands!

♪

I'm glad I'm not the only one with this idea.

Yay, women's rights.

[toilet flushes]

[tense music]

♪

[humming]

Uh, I'm gonna go.

[both giggle]

So this party's crazy, huh?

Yeah.

It's like it's all bar and no mitzvah.

Here.

[solemn music]

Thanks.

♪

[door opens]

[sighs]

Hey. Can we talk? I need to vent.

Sure.

Though I think your people would call it "kvetching."

Hey, you see how ridiculous this is, right?

I mean, how can Zita not see that this isn't a Bar Mitzvah?

And you know what?

It's borderline offensive to my people.

[laughs] Okay, slow down, Moses.

Give the poor girl some credit.

She may not understand what you're going through, but at least she cares enough about you to try and celebrate it.

♪ Where have I gone? ♪

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Trust me... fighting doesn't solve anything.

It just keeps you apart.

And isn't it better to be together?

[chuckles]

Oh, man, I am such an idiot.

Just go to her and tell her you're ready to put all of this behind you.

I will.

Thanks, Karma.

What was all that about?

Shane, I'm ready to put this all behind me.

With Liam?

No. Well, I mean, yes.

But, no, with Amy.

We just had the best time in the men's room.

I'm not sure how to respond to that.

She cracked the same joke I did.

It's a sign.

I don't want to keep fighting. I just want our friendship back.

I did it.

Maybe you should go grab her and drag her to the dance floor?

I've got a better idea.

Got a 20? I need to bribe the DJ.

Huh?

[upbeat music]

Hey, Zita. Can we talk?

Look, I get this isn't a real Bar Mitzvah, but everyone here expects you to have that moment where you get lifted up in the stupid chair.

So could you just suck it up and do it?

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I was focused on everything you were doing wrong, and a friend helped me see all the things you're doing right.

You're trying, and what I should have said is... thank you.

♪

Wait. Which friend?

This is one of those times I wish I didn't hate lying.

Of course it was Karma.

["Hava Nagila" playing]

No, no, no, guys! Put me down!

What are the chances that she and I would sneak into the men's bathroom at the same time?

The universe wants us to make up!

No! The universe wants you to stop using men's restrooms.

Okay, Amy, listen to me.

You are just looking for reasons to cave.

Maybe I should.

I was gonna leave for the summer without saying good-bye.

I don't think it's caving if I just apologize for that.

That is a gateway apology!

You have got to hold your ground.

Lauren, you need to back off a little.

I know you don't like Karma, but she's my best friend.

Okay, no... It is not that I don't like Karma.

It's that I don't like how she hurts you.

She plays mind games.

She does not.

What about that kiss in the pool?

She was drunk. She hardly remembers it.

But you can't forget it.

Every time you try and move on, she sucks you back in, only to hurt you over and over and over.

So you do what you want, but I can't stand by and watch you get hurt one more time.

Karma would never hurt me on purpose.

[Paula Abdul's "Straight Up" playing]

That's our song.

Karma's making the first move.

♪

Amy, wait.

It took Karma to help you appreciate me?

I hired a PI to find your dad.

I flew you to Jerusalem so you could meet your family.

But nothing I do matters, because apparently, I'll never get you like Karma.

Guys, will you put me down?

-♪ Baby, I'm moving ♪
♪ Moving ♪

That is not how I feel.

I heard you say it.

You butt-dialed me at lunch.

No, I want to be with you.

Karma?

No, no, no, that came out wrong.

Hey, Liam, did you happen to see Amy when you were up there?

I think you're only with me because you can't be with her.

-♪ Love me forever ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ When I'm caught in a hit-and-run ♪

See? Mind games.

Let's upload that video.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Or are you just having fun? ♪

What the hell was that?

Jealous?

He's all yours.

♪ Want to love me forever ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

Babe, I love this song.

♪ Straight up now tell me ♪
♪ Is it gonna be you and me together? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Or are you just having fun? ♪