07x09 - Childrens Horsepital

[bunniefuu]

Huh? Who's that?

Over here. (laughs)

Look! You son of a bitch!

Is that the way it's gonna be?

Well, two can play at that game!

You understand?!

You watch your back, clown.

07x09 - "Childrens Horsepital"

Oh, hey, Chief.

Hey!

Great day for X-rays, huh?

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

I think somebody left on a recording of crashing sounds.

I'll turn it off.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Don't go in there, Owen.

I went to the track, okay?

The mob paid off my favorite horse to throw a race.

But she won, and now they want her dead.

Chief, did you steal a horse from the racetrack and hide it in the X-ray room?

Yes.

Chief...

Are you the horse in this story?

No!

(horse neighs)

But you're right.

I'll move her. Okay.

Let me just turn off that recording of crashing sounds.

(neigh echoes)

Ugh, this kid's M.P.V. is...

♪ And brought back my Bonnie to me ♪

I got the hemoglobin, and I...

What was that? (shushing)

♪ Bring back, bring back ♪

Do you hear that? What is that, singing?

♪ Bring back my bonnie to me ♪

It is singing... and I think that I know those voices.

Lola! Lola Spratt!

You guys!

Oh, my God!

I haven't seen you since Vassar!

Cat, Cat!

This is my college barbershop quartet, the Mel-Ladies.

♪ Hello ♪
♪ How are you? ♪
♪ What's up? ♪
♪ Hello ♪
♪ How are you? ♪
♪ What's up? ♪

masculine voice: How are ya?

Women singers?

Mm-hmm.

Now I have seen everything.

But I haven't heard everything.

What?

Would you sing me a song?

Okay!

Only if Lola sings with us.

All right!

(cheering)

Okay, okay, okay, I go here, though.

(note plays)

(off-key)

♪ As I was walking down the street ♪
♪ Down the street, down the street ♪
♪ I saw a little girl I chanced to meet ♪
♪ And we danced by the light of the moon ♪
♪ Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight ♪
♪ And dance by the light ♪
♪ Of the mooooooon ♪

(cheers and applause)

Oh, my God.

Yes!

God. Tina Fey was right. women really can sing.

Great work today. Listen, I'm off.

Got to meet with my probation officer.

He's a real ballbuster. I'll see you tomorrow, Leslie.

(sighs)

(ominous music plays)

What the hell?

You danced with the shark... and you got bit.

'cause the shark didn't want to dance, so the shark got mad, put Krazy Glue in your gloves.

P.S.: I am the shark.

(laughs)

Damn it!

I got to call my probation officer, tell him I'll be late.

(sighs)

What the hell?

Oh, no! My phone can't see my fingers!

(horse neighs)

(dramatic music plays)

(gasps) Oh, my God.

Owen, that's Mamma Fiorucci, head of the Fiorucci crime family.

You Chief Rosenberg?

Yes. That's me.

I hear you got lucky at the track and you stole a horse!

Madame, this is a children's hospital, Not a children's horse-pital.

You know, that's funny.

(laughs) You know what's not funny?

My boys are gonna search this whole place.

And if we find a horse, I'm gonna k*ll it.

And then I'll k*ll you.

Copy that, Chief?

Yes.

And I have a name.

It's Chief.

Apparently it's Chief Rosenberg.

Oh, come on.

Oh, a pay phone, great.

What? It's a painting?

(sighs) This phone hasn't been titled.

Come on.

Here we go.

Operator!

Hello.

Hello!

Enjoying the modern art installation, Blake?

They call it Krazy Glue for a reason.

Because it's crazy.

Like me.

Like the shark.

Crazy shark.

(horse neighs)

Come on, buddy. Come on.

(grunts) Nice bright room for you.

Nice and sunny.

(ominous music plays)

Ooh.

Well, well, we meet again.

You mind if I take a look in there?

Sterile environment.

Well, I'm afraid I have to insist.

(whimpers)

This isn't over, Rosenberg.

Where'd ya go, girl?

(horse neighs)

Oh!

(laughs)

How'd you get up there?

(horse neighs)

They're gone. You can relax now.

(horse nickers)

Yeah.

There you go.

Oh, God, I don't know what to do, Cat.

I'm in violation. I got to go on the lam. I --

Right.

Oh, no!

What?

My probation officer's here.

You got to hide me.

Oh, my God.

Turn around.

Okay.

Afternoon, ma'am.

Officer.

You haven't seen a fugitive clown doctor around, have you?

Mm. No.

(suspenseful music plays)

One last thing.

Uh-huh?

Hey. (chuckles)

Afternoon.

Oh, wow!

Wow!

Thank God you're so fat.

Don't ever lose weight. Bye-bye.

(pager beeps)

That's me, pager.

Hello?

(off-key)

♪ A few more days ♪
♪ Till we totter on the road ♪
♪ Then my old Kentucky home ♪
♪ Good night ♪ - ♪ Good night ♪
♪ Good night ♪

(off-key)

♪ Good night! ♪

Oh!

We've still got it!

Lola, we have to come clean.

We didn't just happen to book a gig here at Childrens.

No?

We need you, Lola. We want you back in the group.

Oh, my God, you guys.

(horse neighs)

(whistling)

(motorcycle engine revs)

(horse neighing)

That's the sound that this little girl was making.

It was the coolest asthma I'd ever heard.

(neighing)

Ahh, forget about it.

Oh! Leaving so soon?

No!

Let me get your parking validated for you.

Thanks.

Oh, you guys.

We want you back in the group.

I don't know.

Who's the attending doctor?!

I got a blocked esophageal tube, and I can't clear it!

Okay, I'm on it!

Lola, wait!

There's good money to be made at the professional barbershop quartet circuit.

I'm listening.

Chet: Dr. Spratt!

Oh, right! Yeah!

We travel all over the country singing at health fairs, mobile medical clinics.

Vaccination jamborees.

Vax jambos? Wow!

She's not breathing! Code blue!

Right! I...

(groans)

(suspenseful music plays)

Oh, you guys, I can't!

This isn't just my place of employment.

It's also my job.

We'll miss you, Lola.

I'm gonna miss you guys, too.

Aww!

(note plays)

♪ I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair ♪

Oh, that's me!

♪ Borne like a vapor... ♪

(elevator bell dings)

(suspenseful music plays)

Aah!

Freeze, Downs!

(g*nshots)

(horse snorts)

(horse neighing)

(dramatic music plays)

(horse neighs)

♪ Good night, ladies ♪

There is no horse here, just as sure as my name has always been Chief...

Rosenberg.

♪ Sweet dreams, ladies ♪

Oh, bat crap.

Take him out back, grind him into glue.

And... so fast.

♪ Sweet dreams, ladies ♪

(horse neighs)

Mamma Fiorucci?

♪ Sweet dreams, ladies ♪
♪ Sweet dreams, ladies ♪
♪ We're going to leave you now ♪

Huh.

That tenor looked like the infamous mob boss Mamma Fiorucci.

But why would she be singing with...

♪ Sweet dreams... ♪

(laughs)

You were supposed to meet me downtown, but you let me down, Downs.

Now I'm gonna have to take you down.

Watch your head.

We made it, girl. We did it.

We did it! (laughs)

We fooled them all.

(snorts)

Well, uh, I guess you can crash with me for a while, you know, until you figure out your next move.

(up-tempo music plays)

Make your water. Take your time.

Wow.

(horse neighs)

You horses pee for a long time, huh?

I think we have a bad connection.

I -- a bad connection!

Oh, my God, that's so much better.

Oh, good.

Guess I should cancel my 3:30.