01x19 - Asgard w*r Part Two: Rescue Me

[bunniefuu]

Star-Lord Super-Awesome Adventure Log.

My quest for the Cosmic Seed, a thingy with so much power that every bad guy in the universe wants it, had led me and the Guardians of the Galaxy to Spartax, which also happens to be my dad's home planet.

I thought it was a dead end until I learned my father, J'Son, stole the Cosmic Seed from Asgard years ago.

I showed the evidence to Thor, but he didn't take it very well.

Turns out, the w*r was all a setup by Thor's brother, Loki, who wanted to get his big bro out of the way so he could rule Asgard himself.

Well, we tricked him and revealed the truth, and also exposed J'Son as a traitor to his own people.

I hate to say it, but my father's, like, 99 percent a jerk, 'cause dear old Dad had one more trick up his sleeve.

[laughing]

Quill: You made a deal with Thanos?

[people murmuring]

I did what I must, Peter.

I required an ally to protect my people from the treachery of Loki and Asgard.

Well, maybe they'd have been a little less treacherous if you hadn't stolen the Cosmic Seed from them in the first place!

You are a fool, Son-of-J.

Even my brother, Loki, knows better than to trust the Mad Titan.

Uh, hi. Uh, yeah, I hate to break up the blame game, but we got incoming!

[people clamoring]

Loki: Hmm, it appears the chaos has only just begun.

Well played, J'Son.

You know, Dad, I made some really dumb mistakes in my life, [people clamoring] but even I wouldn't trust Thanos.

This is how empires are made.

Hear me, Spartax.

The shadow of Thanos darkens your world.

Submit to my will or perish.

As a wise Earth man once said, "Up your nose with a rubber hose."

[grunts]

Begone, Thanos, or this day will see your ruin, and this world shall become your tomb!

Hazzah!

Come get some of this!

[grunting]

I am Groot!

Angela, Hogun, Heimdall, let us show these invaders the true might of Asgard!

[grunts]

[grunts]

Destroyer Armor, clear the skies!

[expl*si*n]

[grunts]

[people clamoring]

[all gasp]

Not again.

Loki: As much as I'm enjoying this, I will take my leave.

[grunts]

[growls]

[grunts]

Face me, children of Asgard.

Angela, Heimdall, let us show the Mad Titan the might of Asgard.

[grunting]

[grunts, groans]

[screams]

[grunts]

[grunting]

[yells, grunts]

[grunts, yells]

[yells]

Leave my world, Thanos!

[grunts]

You first.

No one blasts my baby sis.

Thanos: The Guardians of the Galaxy.

Surely you did not think you saw the last of Thanos.

Teleporting me across the stars only delayed the inevitable... your doom.

It delayed only my vengeance.

Thanos will pay for the destruction of my family!

Not before he pays for the destruction of my life!

Pulverize that cosmic creep!

[grunts]

[grunting]

[w*apon fires]

[grunts]

That's right. It's a face full of hot lava!

Feel the burn!

[sizzling]

[yells]

This is your end, Star-Lord. [grunts]

J'Son: Lord Thanos, no. You must spare him.

And why should I?

Because even though my dad is a thief and a traitor, he still cares about his only son?

Because if you still want the Cosmic Seed, my son is the only person who can find it.

[huffs]

You are so not getting a Father's Day present. Uh-oh.

Then let us find the Cosmic Seed together.

Wait. Aren't you going to destroy Asgard?

What about our deal?

The deal was for the Cosmic Seed.

Only once I have it will I destroy Asgard, along with everything else.

[groaning]

Uh, question. By "everything else," do you mean you're gonna destroy the whole galaxy?

Why stop there?

Well, what are we waitin' for?

Let's fire up the Milano and go get Quill.

together: And have my revenge.

The son of Son-of-J is an honorable man.

I will accompany you, as will Angela and the Destroyer Armor.

Heimdall, Hogun, Fandral, return to Asgard.

We must safeguard the realm from my brother's treachery.

You must take me with you.

I will save Peter, or die trying.

Aah!

The only place you're going, Father, is a prison cell!

You allied yourself with Thanos.

Be thankful it is not I who will decide your fate.

The galaxy's a big place.

Thanos could be headed anywhere. You want to find him, you need me.

Keep talking.

I communicate with Thanos with a device that's coded to my DNA.

You can use it to track him, but only if you take me with you.

[yells] Whoa!

I am Groot.

Better not try anything.

Or, by Gorath's bones, you will suffer as few in the universe have.

Ugh!

I thought my son's ship looked bad, but how can you stand the smell?

Get used to flying coach, J-Boy, 'cause you ain't the king no more.

Focus on your work, rodent.

And you ain't the boss of me neither.

Bad enough I got the faceless tin can of death starin' over my shoulder.

[huffs]

Can you not fly this craft any faster, Gamora?

My vengeance will not wait.

If you wanna take down Thanos, better get in line.

Where is this line? I will fight my way to the front of it.

[beeping]

Okay, I wired the communicator to the navigation system.

Once His Majesty activates it, we'll have Thanos's location.

Do it.

Believe it or not, I want to find Peter as much as you do.

[beeping]

And... we have contact.

[screaming]

Where is the Cosmic Seed?

Tell me, Spartaxian.

Uh, first of all, I'm half-Spartaxian.

And second of all, you didn't say the magic word.

What is this magic word?

"Please."

[screams]

Look, I don't know where the Seed is.

I can prove it if you give me my Boom Box.

Your Boom Box?

The Spartaxian CryptoCube, if you wanna be all literal about it.

[grunts, groans]

[groaning]

Show me.

The Boom Box can detect traces of energy the Cosmic Seed left behind when my father stole it.

But it turns out I followed his trail in reverse, and it led me to Spartax.

So I don't know where it is.

I believe you, Star-Lord, but that does not mean you are of no use to me.

You will remain my prisoner while we find a way for you to locate the Cosmic Seed.

Now open the CryptoCube for me.

And let you power up with all that leftover Cosmic Seed energy inside?

Forget it.

[growls]

[screams]

I'll die before I open the Boom Box for you.

Then perhaps it's time I tried something else.

[screaming]

♪ [rock] ♪

Peter?

[gasps]

Mom?

Oh, Peter, you act like you haven't seen me in a week.

I haven't seen you in years.

At least, it seems like years.

I had the strangest dream.

I... I was a space pirate on a starship, with a butt-kicking ninja lady, a maniac, a talking raccoon, and a tree-thing guy.

Such an imagination.

You see too many movies, my little Star-Lord.

That's what everyone was calling me in the dream...

Star-Lord.

[door opens]

Rocket's voice: Morning, Ms. Quill. Breakfast.

[chuckles]

Déjà vu. You guys look so familiar.

That's 'cause I've been looking after your ma since she got here, kid.

But the big guy's new.

Groot's voice: I am Knute. Ha.

You know, Mom, I also dreamed I met my father.

Ugh, what was name? Was J-something... Jacob? J.J.? Jackson?

Jason.

You remind me of him.

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but in my dream, Dad was kind of a jerk.

male reporter: The Himalayas are home to the tallest mountains on Earth. Sometimes...

Gamora's voice: How are we feeling today, Meredith?

What?

Wait. You guys were in my dream too.

This is so weird.

I'm feeling much better today, Doctor.

Maybe well enough to go home with Peter.

[whimpers] Peter, what's wrong?

It's just that in my dream, you... you didn't make it.

Everything's going to be okay, my little Star-Lord.

I have a gift for you.

Looks so familiar. What is it?

It's a surprise.

Open it.

I... I don't think I'm supposed to.

This might be my last chance to watch you open a gift from me.

No, this can't be real.

Please. It'll mean so much to me.

[groaning]

Thanos.

I was captured by Thanos.

This must all be an illusion.

[dishware clatters]

[sustained beep]

Doctor, we are losing her.

The only thing that can save her is inside that Cube.

You must open it.

No. No, I can't lose you again!

[laughing in Gamora's voice]

[Thanos laughing]

You! You used my own memories against me!

You know, I've done some dirty tricks in my time, but that was seriously evil!

[grunts, groans]

There is no good or evil, there is only the will of Thanos!

J'Son on radio: According to my comm link signal, we should be closing in on Thanos's location.

Rocket: Heads up. Sentry ship!

I'll jam its transmission signals so it can't warn the main fleet.

No, let Thanos find us.

I shall exact my revenge that much sooner.

Except my revenge calls for a sneak att*ck.

Bah! Where is the glory in that?

I am Groot.

Rocket: You ain't kiddin', bud.

Thanos must have a million fighter ships out there.

Engaging cloaking field.

I do not care for this sneaking around.

'Tis the coward's way!

Shh! Shh!

[whispering] I am Groot.

Why fret? They cannot hear us.

But they can see us.

[beeping]

Eh! King Jerkface sabotaged the cloak!

I am Groot!

[computer beeping]

Battle stations! Rocket, take over!

Give us some cover, Goldilocks.

Destroyer Armor, with me!

[beeping]

[grunts]

[growling]

[laughs]

Now, that's what I call a boom!

Ah. Your friends are loyal, but they will perish by my hand.

[grunting]

No!

This is but a taste of the power I will have once the Cosmic Seed itself is mine.

[groaning]

Not even Mjolnir can fend off Thanos's att*ck.

All that matters is my vengeance!

Together this time, Drax.

Very well, Gamora. Together I shall destroy Thanos.

Gamora: Little unclear on concept of together.

I am Groot! I am Groot!

Yeah, I see Quill too. Good eye, buddy.

Now, let's hope the helmet heads can keep the fleet off our tail.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[yells]

[groans]

I am Groot!

[thud]

[groaning]

[grunts]

[groans]

Thanks, pal.

[beep]

Hey, everybody, Thanos has my Boom Box, and it's feeding him Cosmic Seed energy.

Rocket: So let's get it and close it up!

[grunts]

I am Groot!

[grunting]

[groans]

Hmm.

[pod approaching]

[gasps]

[grunts]

Now face your destroyer, Thanos.

And the w*apon forged by your own hand, Father!

both: Together!

[grunting]

Enough!

[both grunt]

This is the dawn of a new age... the age of Thanos!

[yells]

I got him, Quill. Make your move.

[growls]

Gotcha!

[growls]

[beeping]

Huh?

[yells]

There's only one way to stop Thanos for good... destroy the Boom Box.

Uh, don't we need it to find the Cosmic Seed?

Without the Boom Box, nobody can find the Seed.

That's what's best for the galaxy.

Thor, need you to smash the Cube with that big hammer of yours.

On my way, Lord-of-the-Stars.

Give me the CryptoCube.

Ah... No, don't think so. Keep away!

Thor, strike true!

[yells]

Lord Thanos, I have it!

Not for long.

Give me the Cube, Dad!

You don't understand, Peter.

With the power of the Cosmic Seed, we can rule the universe!

You don't understand, Dad.

When Thanos is done, there'll be no universe left to rule!

Is that electromagnet supposed to make me let go of the CryptoCube?

No. It's supposed to get me inside the pod.

This will make you let go of the CryptoCube.

[blow lands]

[J'Son groans]

Freezing this device will not destroy it, Star-Lord.

No, but it'll make it really brittle in those big mitts of yours, Thanos.

Oops.

I will destroy you all for daring to deny me my prize!

Uh, Quill, [chuckles] that black hole's gonna swallow all of us!

[grunting]

[growls]

This is for threatening my home!

[groans]

Asgardian worm!

[grunting]

This is for my mom.

[grunting]

[grunts]

Noooo!

[sighs]

[alarm beeping, beeping stops]

Victoria on radio: J'Son of Spartax, we have you surrounded.

Surrender and face Spartaxian justice, Father.

Thor: Explain yourself, Loki. Why did you return?

Loki: Well, I couldn't very well risk Thanos finding the Cosmic Seed now, could I?

Enough riddles, brother.

Tell me where the Cosmic Seed lies.

Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that.

You will tell me. Now!

[chuckles]

What I mean, dear brother, is that I literally am unable to do so.

You see, after I stole the Cosmic Seed back from J'Son of Spartax, I used my trickster's powers to hide it where no one else could find it, including me.

Why would you do such a thing?

Well, the Seed clearly wasn't safe in Asgard.

I did the galaxy a public service.

I'm a hero.

I beg to differ.

And yet, neither are you villain.

So you are free to go... for now.

By leading the defeat of Thanos and exposing the treachery of our father, J'Son, your heroic actions have proven that you are worthy to rule the Spartax Empire as King Peter Quill.

Quill: I accept, of course. But Spartax is your home, not mine.

The throne belongs to Victoria, Captain of the Royal Guard, and my baby sis.

I know this sounds weird, but I think I might have some kind of psychic link with the Cosmic Seed.

[beeping]

It's like it's trying to show me where it is with these pictures in my head.

If I could just figure out what they mean, we might be able to find the Seed after all, with or without the Boom Box.

Why don't you get some rest first, Quill? You've been through a lot.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, maybe you're right.

♪ Love's a roller coaster ♪
♪ [continues]

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ And I hope this ain't a dream, and you're real ♪
♪ 'Cause my heart is b*ating through my chest ♪
♪♪

[gasps]

No way!