02x18 - Chapter Forty

[bunniefuu]

Latin lover narrator: All righty, diving in... Jane and Michael were planning a wedding...

Will you marry me?

Yes!

... and it was going to be at the house, but then this happened. Luckily, Rogelio came to the rescue and he built them a model of the house on the soundstage, and the family moved into the Marbella. And all was well until Jane's bachelorette party, when this happened.

Mom?

Jane, I'm sorry.

Latin lover narrator: Oh, and speaking of family drama,

Rafael finally bonded with his long-lost brother.

Only problem? After a night of drinking he acted on an insider tip.

I just made $5 million.

So, we should probably get our stories straight, right?

Brandon knew they had the patent before they announced it this morning.

Latin lover narrator: I know! Bad news, right? Well, how about this?

I'm sorry.

I don't want your apology, Mom.

At this point, you are just a cautionary tale.

Latin lover narrator: I know! I hate that they're fighting. Let's hope it ends soon. You'll recall when Jane was young, she fell in love... with salsa. And right away, well... she was ready to go steady.

Please, please, please. Just consider it.

Because I know I love salsa. When I saw it, it spoke to my soul.

You know what, let's do it.

What?

It spoke to her soul.

Latin lover narrator: But alas, the conversation was short. Because while Jane loved watching salsa, it turned out she hated dancing salsa. Like, seriously hated it.

But I'm terrible.

Please don't make me.

Oh, come on, she's miserable.

Yeah, you're right.

Come on, we don't want to miss the warm-ups.

Don't worry, you don't have to perform.

What?

Screw principle. Let's have an adventure.

Latin lover narrator: And so they Thelma and Louised it out of there. And that night solidified one thing: Jane hated dancing salsa. But she loved her mother. Until... everything changed.

(salsa music playing)

(exclaims)

See, recently, salsa became an obsession once again.

Tonight I am not just dancing for myself.

I am dancing for Cuba!

No way. That line is ridiculous.

Latin lover narrator: At least for a character in Jane's novel-in-progress.

Okay, much better.

Yeah. I would definitely say that.

With lust in my eyes.

(door opens)

Michael: You sure you want to take two cars?

And she was also... How to put this...

Positive. I don't want to ride with her.

Hating her mother.

Got it.

(door closes)

We have five minutes.

Back to me.

I was heaving passionately.

Mm.

What?

(elevator bell dings)

So, listen, I was thinking about this fight with your mom, and, I don't know, maybe it's time for a cease-fire there. I know she crossed a line.

Oh, when she got trashed and made out with Lina's guy?

She did apologize.

And I always forgive her.

That's the problem.

Xiomara: The problem is what Jane said when I apologized.

She called me a cautionary tale.

And I meant what I said.

She's my daughter.

I'm just sick of having to act like her mother.

She can't talk to me like that.

You know, she can't behave like that.

See you there?

Oh, uh-huh.

(both sigh)

Can you say "mama"?

Latin lover narrator: Which brings us here, now. To the Villanueva house. Abuela.

Abuela.

Mama.

Fine. Go ahead.

I said everything I wanted to yesterday.

And you're not gonna apologize?

Apologize? Me?

Hello, hello.

Latin lover narrator: Sorry, I can't remember her last name. It's not important.

Jane: Hello, Tammy.

Hey, Tammy.

Latin lover narrator: The point is, she's

their insurance adjuster.

Okay, so let's see where we are in terms of damages.

Latin lover narrator: I'm no expert but I'd say the damage is pretty substantial.

Thank you, baby.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

Don't hold your breath waiting for me to apologize.

What I will do is have a serious discussion about your behavior.

Okay, wow.

Wow. Uh, here's the good news. You have insurance.

Don't talk to me like I'm a five-year-old.

Which means you'll get...

I'm sorry. Uh, you're not a five-year-old.

a nice chunk of change...

to fix this place up. Maybe an update?

You're more like a 16-year-old.

She doesn't get a vote, she's leaving.

Just keep Mom's room the same, because she's gonna live here forever.

Xiomara: Bye, Tammy.

Come on, Ma, I'll drive you to work.

Hello? Did you forget that you said that you'd watch Mateo?

Oh. I thought you didn't want me taking care of your child.

Since I'm so immature and irresponsible.

Stop. You're on the schedule, and I need to meet with my advisor.

Not my problem.

Xiomara.

No, it's fine, Abuela. He doesn't need to learn how to pound sh*ts before he can walk.

(engine starts)

Oh, okay, this is bad.

My schedule's gonna implode.

Latin lover narrator: Ah yes, the sacred child care schedule. What every working parent relies on. Jane's is, of course, more elaborate than most.

I'll watch Mateo.

Really?

Yeah, I'd love to. Are you kidding?

I told you, I used to watch my cousin's kids.

I know what I'm doing. Just send me the list.

What lists?

Don't "what list" me, I know there's a list of instructions you're dying to send me.

Just e-mail them to me, I want to do this right.

The more detail the better.

You're really turning me on right now.

(grunts loudly)

(gasps)

(Jane giggles)

(phone chimes)

It's your dad again. I'm supposed to remind you to pick out your wedding dress by Thursday and see if you looked at something called a Lauren Conrad wedding calendar.

Oh...

(phone chimes)

(knocking at door)

Hello, Rogelio.

Oh, uh, hello, dear network executives.

Please, come in.

(laughs nervously)

To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?

We're here because of the new set you built.

The house.

Latin lover narrator: Ah, yes. Rogelio's grand gesture.

Here's where you're getting married.

And, as you can see, the reception will spill out onto the soundstage.

You cannot use the crew for personal reasons.

I don't know what you heard, but I did not use the crew for personal reasons.

I had them build the house for Tiago's next adventure, of course.

Tiago travels through time to epic moments in history.

This week he kills baby h*tler.

What epic event can possibly be filmed in that house?

It's an epic idea told in a small, slice-of-life story.

As Mark Twain said, art is holding a mirror up to nature.

Latin lover narrator: It was actually Shakespeare.

So what's the idea?

No, no.

Another famous saying: show, don't tell.

But trust me, the story will knock your socks off.

Mind-blowing telenovela twists, but the kind that everyone can relate to.

Latin lover narrator: Like being stressed because you got drunk and made $5 million in an accidental insider trade. Totally relatable.

(knocking at door)

Excuse me, Mr. Solano?

Barbara Fairwick's on line one.

Barbara?

Okay, thank you.

Latin lover narrator: Who's this Barbara Fairwick that's got him so excited?

Barbara. How are you?

Really?

Find Petra. Now.

Latin lover narrator: Ah, yes. Petra.

That shower. Warm water, whole time.

I feel like Ottokar the First.

Latin lover narrator: Oops. There she is. In other relatable telenovela twists, Petra's secret twin showed up and... Wait, I should show, not tell. Here's where we left off.

Oh, my God.

My long-lost sister.

It's you. It's really you.

Oh!

Hey! I do that, too. Jumping when scared.

I need personal space. Sometimes I scratch.

And all my life, thinking I have no family.

Look, I'm sorry, I don't understand.

W... Where did you live?

Orphanage.

You seeing the movie Annie?

Like that.

Only no nice Miss Hannigan for us.

And my Sandy was a rat.

You think I-I can bother you for a little bit more food?

Then I living in room with ten women and one bring home magazine and they saying it looks like me, only beautiful.

It was you.

(slurps)

So then I go to government building and I find two certificate of birth.

So then I sell goat and I have money to come here.

Well, that's... quite the story.

Oh, you... you still have some, uh, chocolate on your finger.

No, uh, hair dye.

I fix for you.

(laughs)

Roots make me look like old lady.

Latin lover narrator: Ah, yes. Prematurely gray. It happens when you've lived a hard knock life. Which brings us back here.

I change, then I start to clean.

No, I get.

No, no! Wait.

Leaping lizards.

Petra, I just talked to Barbara and it's true.

She's selling the Fairwick.

(squeaks)

Petra: Anezka!

Why don't you go get changed?

Rafael: Wait...

What the... ?

Wow.

This is unbelievable.

Latin lover narrator: And yet, somehow, just believable enough.

I guess twins really do run in your family.

Oh, my God. Thank God my postpartum medication also helps with anxiety.

Wait, so Barbara really wants to sell the Fairwick?

Yep.

Lachlan overspent on construction, she fired him, and now she just wants out. Which means I can scoop it up at a fire sale, increase our beachfront.

And it's got the golf club, which is guaranteed revenue.

You can stop floating the Marbella.

And then our views will never be blocked.

Can you afford it?

Not sure.

But I am meeting with my money managers.

Jane: Wish me luck with my advisor.

Michael: Luck!

And as for why you're really calling, Mateo is fine. We're just sitting here, reading books.

You are not.

Okay.

We're superheroes. And anticipating your next question, he ate mashed up blueberries and smeared them on his onesie.

Oh, no.

Not the one that Glamma bought.

Yeah.

But I consulted your List Number Three, Subcategory Laundry, Item Number Four.

Used Dreft: Active Baby, good as new.

Amazing.

You're amazing. Thank you so much for babysitting.

Of course.

Uh, good luck with Professor Donaldson.

(groans)

Well, it still feels a little flat.

And, like, all about romance.

Well, it-it is a romance novel.

I just wish the work incorporated some critique of the genre.

I mean, all this march to the wedding stuff seems so outdated.

Though it-it does take place in 1962.

Yeah, but we are not living in that time period.

("Wedding March" ringtone playing)

Sorry.

Oh, um... uh, my dad must've changed my ringtone.

(clears throat)

I hear you.

It feels flat. And I will juice it up and get you new pages and get this novel done by deadline, no problem.

Latin lover narrator: Then why does it feel like a problem?

Hey.

Nice suit.

Yeah.

Turns out bankers want you to look businesslike when you ask them to loan you large sums of money.

I might be buying the Fairwick.

What? Really?

I can just scrape together enough.

It's a good investment, you know, long-term.

Well, I hope it works out.

And if you need an extra couple hundred bucks...

(laughs) Thank you.

I'll head up with you. I'll say hi to Mateo.

Sure.

Michael's watching him.

(elevator bell dings)

Michael?

Yeah. Um, my mom canceled, and you had a meeting.

No, I totally get it.

Just a little surprised.

He's experienced with babies?

Yeah, he actually is.

Hmm, that's... that's great.

(elevator bell dings)

(gasps) Hello. Hi!

Who's that? Daddy's here.

Hi. (kissing)

How was it?

It was great.

We had a lot of fun.

Oh.

That's great. Hey, buddy.

Come here. Oh, come to Daddy.

I missed you.

And, friends, that's when Mateo said his first word.

Da-da!

Unfortunately, he said it to the wrong man.

"Da" is one of those easier sounds for a baby to make.

Like, it-it means nothing.

Dada.

We get it, Mateo. Enough. Stop showing off!

Latin lover narrator: Okay, here we are, with Jane. Trying to write. And move on from that Dada debacle.

Geez.

It should be noted that this is what Jane wanted to say...

Oh, my God, Mom, Mateo called Michael "Dada" in front of Rafael.

And here's what she actually said.

Rogelio: Please, it's a small gesture.

Why?

Fine. I admit, I'm trying to sweet-talk you into something.

Well, I'm not an actor. I don't thrill to my own image in quite the same way you do.

Might I suggest Kylie's Lip Kit?

Anyway, I'll cut to the chase.

I need a very special story written for Tiago.

So I thought, no, who's the smartest, best writer I know?

What's the story?

It's about a house.

A small, modest, ordinary house.

Are you asking me to base a story on a set?

Yes, exactly.

Rogelio, that is not how the writing process works.

What about Titanic? Based on a boat.

Write me Titanic in a house.

Please.

My writers have produced nothing but turds despite the many, many motivating e-mails I have sent them.

I want ten percent above my quote.

Done.

An executive producer credit.

Signed, sealed, delivered.

And I have a niece who wants to act.

What does she look like?

(laughing): I'm just... I'm-I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. She's hired. It's a deal.

And speaking of deals, Rafael and Petra were also hoping to make one.

Barbara, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with us.

And I just want to reiterate that our intention is to preserve the history and integrity of the Fairwick.

I get a good feeling about you.

Oh, stop. I'm a hugger.

Oh. (chuckles)

(chuckles)

You, too, sweetie.

Oh. Mmm...

Oh...

I will be in touch.

(sighs)

(whispering): You were great.

You were great.

Almost makes up for the whole "Dada" thing.

Well, this Dada just secured his children's legacy.

Mateo (babbling): Dada.

All right, Mateo.

Shh. Nap time.

(sighs)

Latin lover narrator:Ah, finally. Time to make some progress on that rewrite.

Salsa Sophia (laughing): Oh, thank God.

I knew our fight was a misunderstanding.

A few ballistic missiles can't keep us apart.

Please, Jane, I know that Robert will propose soon.

Friends, Jane was in the zone. Riding the wave. In the flow.

And our bodies are so close I can feel his heart b*at.

(knocking on door)

And just then there was a knock at the door.

What?

Hey.

Oh, my God, I lost track of time. Is it 1:00?

Sure is.

Okay.

Good. Uh, he's napping, so I'll just go wake him.

Uh, wait, real quick.

I just need to talk to you about something.

Mm-hmm?

I want more time with Mateo.

Three days a week instead of two.

Uh, is this because of the whole "Dada" thing?

Because he's been calling me "Dada" all morning.

It just brought up the fact that I want to be the man most present in Mateo's life, and I think I should be.

Yeah. Yeah, I get that.

Um, you're his father.

And speaking of a present father.

Jane, surprise.

Welcome to wedding central.

Also known as Jane's office at school.

Dad, what is going on?

If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will... take seven different tiaras to the mountain.

You look beautiful.

Dina: Huh.

Dina: Maybe we could do a religious conversion story for Tiago.

No, no, no, no, no, no, God is not sexy.

Listen, we have fallen behind LC's wedding pre-checklist.

We have to make some decision.

Here. What do you think?

Dad, this is not a great time. I have a meeting in ten minutes.

That's all I need.

Jane, could you please look at all this wedding stuff so I can get him to concentrate on our script?

Fine. Go, Dad. What's on your checklist?

First, please tell me you and your mom went back to the dress shop.

Well?

I love it so much.

Mom, you said that about all three of them.

Woman: Take your time.

Take some pictures.

Sleep on it.

No, not yet.

Everyone knows that alterations take at least a month.

Okay, I'll go this week.

Jane.

Why are you and your mom fighting?

Marlene: Nice tiara.

Welcome to wedding central!

Uh, Dad, this is my advisor.

Great. Please advise Jane on some wedding decisions.

She has less than six weeks.

No, Dad, Marlene's not really a wedding person.

Oh, I see.

Don't worry.

There's still a chance for you.

Many people marry later in life.

Don't lose hope.

I just wanted to apologize again for my dad.

He did not mean to offend you.

I'm not offended.

Latin lover narrator: You seem offended.

Frankly, your assumption that I would be offended is offensive.

I don't want to get married, Jane.

So, please, don't put me in your suffocating marriage plot.

Got it.

Sorry.

My whole life is not built around that goal.

And neither is mine.

Did I say it was?

I mean, yeah, basically.

No.

So about the chapter that I sent you.

(sighs)

Well, it made me sad.

But at least now I have some context...

I'm sorry. Can I ask you?

Is your problem with me or my writing?

Both, frankly.

Well, "frankly," I'm not too thrilled with you either.

But you know what, lucky for both of us, it's almost the end of the year, so we really don't have to put up with each other that much longer.

And speaking of longer-term problems...

So you found each other.

That's all you're going to say, Mother?

We need an explanation.

Explanation?

I was pregnant, all alone, behind Iron Curtain.

I could not afford one child, let alone two.

So I pick pretty one.

Plus you always were shaking.

I-I have medical condition.

Just when I think you can't sink any lower, Mother, you always find another way down.

I have regrets, like I said...

Wrong choice.

Latin lover narrator: Remember, I did say those words would come back to haunt Petra.

Now I see you are the much prettier one.

My other daughter is an ungrateful bitch.

(scoffs)

No. You don't dare talk about her.

She's wonderful, kind, American success story.

Yeah, right. Let me give you some motherly advice, dear.

Don't expect anything from her.

Trust me, she's plotting to get rid of you already.

Because she only cares about herself.

But, see, you're wrong, Mother.

I re about Anezka, which is why she'll be staying in Miami.

With me.

And you'll be staying in prison.

Alone.

Come on, Anezka.

Yes.

Thanking you, beautiful sister. Thanking you.

Better than the first one?

Okay.

Boobies aside, though...

Woman: You're back!

Where's your mother?

She's not here.

I'm deciding without her.

Oh.

Okay. (laughs)

So is this the one?

I'm still not sure. (laughs) Yeah, I-I think I just need one more night to think about it.

I don't think. I know.

Ma'am, this woman says you stole her wallet.

Excuse me?

You were following me around the pool, next thing, my wallet's gone.

And I never forget a face!

Did you steal a wallet?

No. I stole three wallets.

Anezka! How could you do that?

Was easy. I was pickpocket in Czech Republic.

This is my hotel.

I only wanting to buy for you present for thank you.

No, no presents, okay?

No presents, and no stealing, you understand?

Yes. Yes.

J.J.: Nope.

Don't like it at all.

Well, thanks for not mincing your words.

It's just not you.

For your wedding, you have to look like you.

Latin lover narrator: She sounds pretty sure of herself for someone who's known Jane for all of seven months.

I'm telling you, the first one.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, hey, did you get your letter about next year?

I got mine this morning.

Letter?

The notification you're gonna be invited back to the grad program?

Wait.

I thought that was just, like, formality.

Yeah.

I just mean that I got the actual physical letter.

Oh.

I'm sure yours is coming.

Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Wait. So, who decides that?

Like, the dean, or... ?

Not the dean.

Don't say it!

Your advisor.

Oh, no! No, no, no, no!

So, again, thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine who got a letter about enrolling in the program next year, and I haven't gotten mine yet, so I just wanted to check in, make sure there was no problem.

No problem. I just haven't made my decision yet.

Oh. Okay.

You know I wonder if, well, because of our differences... well, that you can't be objective about me.

You mean because you verbally assaulted me?

I wouldn't call it that.

Regardless, I can assure you I can remain objective.

I can separate you, Jane, the person...

Latin lover narrator: Whom she hates.

From your work.

Which she also hates.

Well... what a relief.

If I like your next rewrite, you'll get that letter.

Which brings us here.

(gasps) No! What have you done?!

I'm sorry, but I can't get kicked out of school, and that means giving Marlene a revision she doesn't hate!

So you're tearing me away from Robert?

How can I change my feelings now that you've made me fall so deeply in love with him?!

I don't know. I just know that it has to be less about romantic love and-and more about... something I haven't figured out yet.

I don't get it. Why did we move?

Because I wasn't feeling the flow in my office. I need to feel the flow.

Wait. What?! No!

You are making me a salsa-dancer, slash-government assassin?!

Jane, I can't! I hate g*ns!

No.

No, please don't make me do it.

You know you can't mix genres like this! (groans)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(groaning)

Jane, that's not how it works.

You can't just turn me into a lesbian!

See? Tons of beautiful, scantily-clad women, and I feel nothing.

(sighs)

Well, not nothing.

(laughs)

Hey.

Oh, you gonna say bye to Mommy?

Oh! Have the best day ever with Daddy, huh?

And you're sure you can watch him all day?

Because Chepa's unavailable, so...

Jane.

I'm sure.

Go.

Bye. Let's go.

Let's go, buddy!

What if the house is a 1950's b*mb shelter?

You're a scientist...

No, no, no, boring. No one cares about science.

Jane, this way. I've made your grandmother wonderful wallpaper samples to help with her redecorating dilemma.

Oh.

I didn't know...

What's she doing here?

Rogelio: Enough is enough!

You two need to talk!

Is this some kind of ambush?

No, we were just coming to walk through the set.

Of course it's an ambush.

You shouldn't be fighting at a time like this.

Because you're not only mother and daughter, but you're best friends.

Jane: See, but that is just it.

I don't want a best friend all the time.

Sometimes, I want a mom who is responsible and practical and... wouldn't have let me quit salsa lessons.

Wh...

You-you begged me to let you quit.

But you shouldn't have let me.

That's what I'm saying.

If you'd made me stick it out, I'd know how to dance salsa and I would have been better for it in the long run.

Are you serious? You sucked!

You see?

Whatever.

I can't do this.

♪ ♪

Latin lover narrator: Oh, right. It's a set.

Rogelio: How hard can it be to think of a story set in a house?

I hate all of these ideas!

Well, you know what?

Maybe you should get another writer.

No. No, no, wait, wait! Wait, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's just that I have a lot on my mind.

Okay.

How about...

It's about Jane and Xiomara, obviously.

I've never seen them like this.

And the timing couldn't be worse.

Hello, the timing is the whole point.

What?

Come on. It's so obvious!

And so, Dina explained to Rogelio what was really going on between Jane and Xiomara. And let's just say... it rang true.

You are brilliant.

I've said that before, but I never meant it until this moment.

And now, I know how to fix this.

(heavenly choir singing)

Aren't you hungry?

Maybe you should go get some lunch.

No. No, I don't deserve food.

Anezka, stop. The wallets are returned, we apologized, it's fine. Please.

Go get some lunch, so I can concentrate.

Oh, and charge it to me.

Don't steal it.

Yes. So sorry again.

(sighs)

Well, hello, there you are!

(laughs)

(shrieks)

Barbara: Oh!

Oh!

You...

(urgent knocking)

Jane, hi.

Are you okay? Is everything okay?

Yes. Yes, yes.

Is there any way that you can take Mateo?

Now? It's just kind of an emergency.

The hotel deal's falling through because Petra's sister att*cked the owner...

Wait, what? Petra's sister?

Latin lover narrator: Oh. Right.

So now we might be out of a deal and I gotta go beg Barbara...

Well, I've got a meeting with my advisor and my grandma's out.

What about your mom? I saw her by the pool...

No, no, that's not even an option.

Whatever, I'll just take him to school and...

J.J.'s supposed to be there, so hopefully she'll watch him while I'm in my meeting.

Which brings us here, now.

And while I've come around to agreeing with your note, it is a rather big one...

Take the romance out of your romance novel.

And so, in order to address it fully...

(Mateo crying)

I just think that I need a little more time.

(crying getting louder)

And if, um...

Oh. I'm so sorry to interrupt.

It's just that he's been screaming nonstop or calling me "Dada."

Oh, it's okay, it's okay, Mateo.

(smooching sound)

I-I'm sorry. This was... clearly not supposed to happen.

It's just, I'm in a really big fight with my mom.

She usually watches him.

Are you crying?

Jane, no! This is worse than sex crying!

No. No...

Yes, you are!

No, I'm not!

I can see the tears!

Okay, fine!

Fine, I'm crying, okay?

But I don't want to be, so just ignore it!

Okay? The point is, is that my life is really overwhelming right now and I have never missed a deadline and I could really use an extension so I can put my best foot forward.

Do you need a minute to compose yourself?

(crying): No!

Yes.

Thank you.

Huh. Will Professor Donaldson reveal a hidden soft side? Will the sight of Jane crying and the cute baby melt her cold heart?

I'm okay. (sniffs)

Thank you.

Good.

So the deadline is the deadline.

You either meet it or you don't.

And again, we are so, so incredibly sorry.

I mean, my sister clearly has personal space issues.

Anezka: And I am so ashamed.

And I want to cut off my hand.

Petra: What?

I deserve it! Worse! Worse!

My hands should be chewed off by wolves!

No...

Yes, everything is bad, everything, I hate it, I hate myself.

Barbara: No, now, just stop.

Okay?

I-I'm fine, honestly.

I-I did approach you rather suddenly.

Really?

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Not deserving it, but thanking you, thanking you so much, so very much...

Anezka, stop.

Um, why don't you go wait in my office?

Yes, of course.

Thank you, of course. Thank you.

Thank you.

Again, I am... so sorry.

Apology accepted.

The problem is, I like you a little bit less now.

Not to mention, another bid came in higher.

Match this, and the place is yours.

Sounds... great.

Rafael: We'll be in touch.

Can you meet this?

Depends if he uses that insider trading money.

I don't know.

I just hope Anezka didn't ruin this.

And from one fractured family... to another.

(gasps): Jane!

You're here.

Rogelio: Mwa! Come.

Xiomara: Wait. What's going on?

Sit.

Dad, is this another ambush?

Rogelio: Stop it. Of course not. I just invited my family and two brilliant executives to watch a run-through of my favorite Tiago episode yet.

Sit. Let's begin!

And... action!

That's weird.

(doorbell rings)

What?

That's ridiculous.

Latin lover narrator: And then, something amazing happened. Rogelio's cockamamie, totally wackadoo, completely crazy plan... well, it actually started to work. And I would tell you what they are feeling right now, but as we have learned, it's better to show than tell.

Director: Cut!

Okay, so there had better be a huge Tiago twist coming up.

To be clear, there was no twist.

Here's the twist.

See, it's a family of clones posing as a regular family with regular problems.

And Tiago is gaining their trust, so he can stop them from taking over the planet.

Both: Ah...

See, now that makes more sense.

I mean, who cares about a fight between a mom and a daughter, right?

(crying): I'm so sorry, Mom.

(shushes)

(crying): I know.

Me, too.

Salsa Sofia: What about me?

What was my mother like?

What is it?

I have an idea for my novel.

Okay.

Go, go write!

I'll pick up Mateo.

Oh...

So, I'm gonna ask Anezka to leave.

I should've never let her stay in the first place.

She messed up your deal!

Hey, come on.

Come on, what?

This hotel, the longevity of it, well, I... might not be the greatest mother in the regular ways... but now I've gotten in the way of us providing for them.

You haven't.

You didn't.

My sister, okay?

Same thing.

And maybe it was Petra feeling so badly, or the fact that he, too, was feeling like a crap parent in that moment, but Rafael just... well, he wanted to be the hero.

I found the money to buy it.

In any case, he used the dirty money. And yes... he would come to regret it. But that's for the future.

I, I talked to the bank.

They extended the loan.

It's an investment for our future.

Wait, so Anezka didn't ruin things?

No.

She didn't.

And listen, maybe don't be so hard on her.

You know, she's had a tough life.

And I felt for her.

You know, with Barbara.

Yeah.

I did, too.

So... maybe keep her around just a little longer?

Petra: Yeah, okay.

Maybe just a little bit longer.

Well, this promises to be awkward.

♪ ♪

(gasps)

♪ ♪

Will you marry me?

Yes! Yes!

(applause)

(both laugh)

Robert: Thank you.

(laughs)

Finished.

And sent. And...

I think I deserve a nine-dollar beer from the mini-fridge.

Make it two.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Whoa, oh.

(sighs)

You okay?

Actually wanted to talk to you about something.

Mm-hmm?

About my place with Mateo.

Well... don't worry, Rafael's just gonna have to be comfortable with it.

No.

Actually wanted to talk about what you're comfortable with.

Because we've actually never talked about that.

Yeah, y-you're right.

That's true.

Yeah, and it's just little things, you know?

Like... you didn't ask me to watch him.

And you kept saying that I was babysitting.

Oh... well, I, but I didn't mean it like that. I know.

It's just...

I want to be more than that.

You are.

And I'm really glad you want to be.

(chuckles) And you're right.

We have to figure it out.

Step one?

Uh-huh.

You're getting your own color in my calendar.

Yeah, that's not as sexy to me as it is to you.

Really?

Yeah.

Latin lover narrator: And speaking of sexy...

Dina, what a success that was!

The execs loved... . Whoa!

Is that what you really look like?

No, it's just that you are a writer, and writers, they don't care about these things, but that color looks very attractive on you.

I'm going out to dinner.

Got it.

Well, thank you.

You really saved the day.

That whole clone thing?

Doubles are like telenovela 101.

No.

I mean with my family.

What?

Nothing, it's just...

The way you care about your family.

That's a very attractive color on you, too.

Well, I love them very much.

I can tell.

And like I said, it's a very attractive quality.

Well, you also look very attractive.

You said that already.

I meant it already.

Latin lover narrator: Oh, my.

(door opens)

Ready for dress number three?

Yes, yes, ready.

(sighs)

(crying): That's definitely the dress.

Ah, but that's for another day. A wedding day.

(laughs)

Which brings us here now.

(phone chimes)

Oh.

(gasps)

It's Marlene.

Deep breaths, Jane.

Deep breaths.

What does it say?

Jane, what does it say?

I'm back in the program.

(laughs)

Yes!

Yes!

Ooh, yes!

(grunting)

Well, you know what they say. Those who can't salsa dance, write about salsa dancers.

I'm so proud of you. Oh, thank you!

(chuckles)

Ah... yes!

(camera shutter clicking)

Yeah, uh-oh! Well, what can I say? We're not all about the marriage plot, right?