05x19 - Girls Gone Viral

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Awkward"...

My piece is on the front page.

Babe, that's amazing.

But what if Matty sees it?

Hey, Jenna, did you write a super-detailed post about our relationship on Idea Bin?

You had no right to do this.

I'm sorry I thought we could be friends because the reality is you haven't changed at all.

I'm sorry!

[rock music playing]

My article had gone viral but the one person it really infected was Matty. I had worked really hard to write something that was fair and I hadn't been shy about pointing out my own faults and bad behavior, but he was pissed and I was realizing that I had to do the right thing.

[phone dings]

[all cheering]

Hon, grab the biggest hose you can find because your post is on fire!

Congrats, Jenna.

Jenna, have you seen the comments?

Tears plus 50 crying emojis.

So presh.

Oh, "Mark sounds like such a giant loser."

Don't bother the boss when she's working.

This better be important.

Uh, Lizzy, can I have a word with you?

How about 75,000 words?

Uh...

Jenna, you did it.

You took my profoundly inspiring words to heart and your article got 300,000 hits.

Right, about the art...

300,000 thousand?

You wrote from the heart and do you know what that accomplished?

Well, I know one thing it accomplished, which is why I was really hoping...

Follow me, young protégé.

Let's give it up for Jenna, everybody.

She has done the impossible in the shortest amount of time in Idea Bin history.

She has connected with people on a deep and intimate level.

I am blown the [bleep] away.

So blown away that I have decided you are the fellow I'm awarding the Idea Bin e-book.

[applause]

Uh, wait.

I'm the one getting the Idea Bin e-book?

You have proven that people are interested in what you have to say.

So think about what you want to say next, because 300,000 people might want to know.

I, uh...

What I should've said next was, "Take the article down" but I... I...

This is amazing.

Thank you.

Oh, um.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down.

Jenna, this is the first time she's given an e-book to a summer fellow, and it's you.

Yeah, well, that's not without its own problems.

I'm thinking of asking Lizzy to take the article down.

What?

Why?

Matty's pissed.

Wow, so this is about Matty.

Matty is selfish if he wants you to take it down.

You're a writer, Jenna.

You wrote about something deeply personal and true.

That's what good writers do.

Seriously, this is a huge opportunity.

I'm not letting you blow it.

I swore to Lizzy you'd ace this.

I'm so glad you could join me for my 10:30 cup of cappu.

I can't get foam like this from the machine at work and I am desperate to download you on all the Patrick stats stat.

Yeah, totally. Go.

Patrick is such a Princeton Charming.

He's gonna take me on a sunset sailboat ride when he gets back and... hello?

Hi. What?

You're on Planet Smartphone instead of being present for "T" time.

I totally am.

Princeton, sunset, sailboat.

[phone ringing]

OMG, he just sent me a skinny-dip selfie.

What the hell, Tamara?

There's like 50 messages here in the last hour.

Duh. That's what you do when you're dating someone.

I'm sure you and Sergio have nonstop spicy sex.

Not every 30 seconds like you crazy emoji junkies.

We're adults. Not insecure, horny little tween-bots.

Dead-dead?

Over. Finished.

Sayonara, Lissa and Jake.

Sorry.

Thanks for bringing my stuff.

Lissa doesn't want me to come by the house and confuse baby Morgan, which I get.

She gurgled something that sounded an awful lot like "Dada" at me the other day.

Morgan, not Lissa.

Hey. Can I ask you a question?

No and yeah.

Huh?

No, I haven't read your article yet.

Yeah, Matty's still pissed.

All I know is he said that you were taking it down.

Ooh, Jenna, boyfriend?

Stepbrother? Both?

Uh, neither.

[gasps] "Zen Gardening for the Spirit."

Did you finish the Chicken Soup series?

I annually reread "For the Horse Lover's Spirit"

It makes me feel equine and free.

How about you?

Hi?

Jake, this is Ophelia. She's an amazing writer.

I love your ironic polo.

Palos Hills Country Club? Where did you get that?

Uh, Palos Hills Country Club.

This is Jake. He works there.

Manages.

You got a summer job in management?

It's not a summer job.

I started in the fall and I've been promoted twice.

Oh, so you... so you're not in school?

I took a gap year.

That is so zeitgeist.

Well, thank you for the stuff, Jenna.

I'll see you around.

Lightning bolt of inspiration.

What do you think about an exposé on renegades and a nonconformist who decided that college was a waste of time and money?

Jake?

Hello, Bill Gates.

Uh, Steve Jobs.

Dropouts.

Yeah, you never know.

I would love to watch you in your environment. Maybe ask some questions.

Get some pictures.

Why don't you come by the club and I'll show you how the magic happens?

I am looking forward to it.

[both chuckling]

[clears throat]

Ugh, Matty, finally. You're so late.

I don't know if I'm really up to the whole conversation stuff today.

Matty, I know it's summer and it's time to raise the roof or whatever, but if you want to succeed, you have to put in the work, like Jenna.

Did she tell you she's getting an e-book?

I'm so proud of her.

Have you read any of her stuff?

Yeah, I have.

You proud now?

What's more celebratory, red or white?

For someone who was just awarded for excellence in written communication, I was hopelessly grappling for the right words to say to Matty.

Or we could just sit here and text Matty.

Sorry, I just...

I promised him I would get this article taken down but I haven't yet.

And you're not going to.

And for what it's worth, your slightly harsh assessments were pretty valid.

Hey, I was just as harsh on myself.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, what about the paragraph I wrote on my flaws and my insensitivities?

College giving me a false sense of maturity?

Me projecting my insecurities?

Wait, where... where is it?

Where the [bleep] is it?

Oh, my God, did it get cut?

How did I miss this?

No wonder Matty's so pissed.

I'm pissed too.

Cutting out that section changes the entire article into one long, negative rant about Matty.

Is this how Idea Bin gets its hits?

Real classy.

Wow, Jenna, way to be grateful for getting your piece on the front page.

Do you know how hard that is to do?

God forbid Matty should ever have his feelings hurt.

Luke. If I wasn't careful, this article was gonna ruin more than one relationship.

I had to confront Ethan.

What was posted was not what I intended and technically not what I wrote.

Jenna, OMG!

This is a tumblr-nado.

A quote from your Matty article has over 50,000 notes.

It's also not what I wrote.

Ethan took out the entire heart of my article. I'm gonna go give him a piece of my mind and get it taken down.

Oh, no, that is not a good Idea Bin idea.

Why not?

Because of all the buzz the piece is getting and then it just disappears?

People will wonder why.

They'll think there's some nasty backstory.

It'll end up getting more attention.

What do I do?

Luke put himself out on the line for me with Lizzy, and Matty thinks I wrote a smear piece.

How do I tell him I was edited into a corner?

I don't know.

I guess you could tell him.

[tropical music]

♪

They still make film for those?

I buy old stock on eBay.

That one expired in '97.

Don't shake it too hard or else the chems will leach out and melt your skin.

So, want to see what I actually do for my job?

You don't bartend?

Basically, I'm in charge of everything.

I know this sounds like anti-femme, but I must admit I love when a guy can take charge.

Hey, dude, some kid took a dump in the pool again or it may just be a mochaccino.

Either way, you might want to check it out.

Well, Sully, I'll have to ask you to deal with that.

It's a lifeguard's duty.

Doodie duty.

[giggles]

Uh, we catching you in the middle of something here?

Ophelia here is interviewing me for an article.

You look familiar.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Nope, I don't think so.

You're Mark.

From Jenna's article.

Someone posted a picture of you in the comment section.

I am such a fan.

Oh, great, I have fans.

Dude, I finally took a peek.

I didn't even know you were having a hard time up at Berkeley.

College.

Not such an easy time.

This is amazing.

The contrast between two friends on two different roads.

[camera clicks]

Maybe we should check out the cabanas.

Oh.

Hmm?

Girls in whore shorts have to wait at the back of the line.

Sorry.

I'm so sorry about that.

What the hell, Sadita?

You can't just as*ault my customers like that.

Well, maybe if you acted like a better boyfriend and responded to my texts in a more timely fashion, I wouldn't have to resort to emergency protocols.

Since when am I your boyfriend?

Since you reintroduced your P to my V. Duh.

You told me before you left for school you didn't want to be tied down while you were away.

Well, now I'm back.

So you can tie me down all you want.

Come by my place when you're done feeding all these sluts.

[phone ringing]

[giggles] I...

[phone ringing]

One second.

What do you want?

Matty, hey, there's something about the article I want you to know.

The article you said you were gonna take down, that's still up?

Well, yes, part of it is still up.

What are you talking about? The whole thing is still up.

That's just it. The whole thing was never up.

They butchered it without asking me.

Yeah, sure, Jenna.

Matty, please believe me.

I didn't know.

Whatever, maybe don't put your name on something if you don't know what's in it.

Matty, if you just read the whole article

I'm sure you'd under...

Why didn't you tell me you were only publishing half my article?

Huh? Oh, wait, the boring half?

Hon, I did you a favor.

Without my intervention, your article was just another middle of the road, "It's both our faults" slide of bland-ana cream pie.

Our readers crave a point of view.

Okay, I don't want to come off as a brat, and I'm happy to have had something go viral, but I want my piece reposted in its entirety.

Jenna, let me just save you from yourself here, okay?

Every good writer draws on personal experience and sometimes we struggle with offending some people from point to point, but if viral views are what you're going for, brutal honesty is the best policy.

Honesty would be representing both sides of the breakup.

Oh, grow up.

The audience for your little apologist paragraph is exactly one... your ex.

Not exactly the demo we're courting, hon.

Oh, and, hon, I wouldn't go to Lizzy with this.

She has no patience for this sort of thing.

Trust me, if you walk through that door, it is not gonna end well.

There has never been a summer where a fellow didn't disappear.

Do you want to be the one, hon?

Read the article about Matty.

A little cruel, don't you think?

I was just trying to write something honest which is what good writers do.

So good writers sell out their friends to get e-books?

I wasn't trying to sell anyone out.

I was just trying to write the truth.

It's not my fault that they left...

Reminds me of a certain letter I once wrote to you.

That was actually cruel.

It was.

I called you a p*ssy.

"He didn't have the guts to do it himself, so I had to do it for him."

It kind of sounds like you're calling him a p*ssy.

I called myself a p*ssy too, okay?

But they won't publish that part.

That's the real problem here.

As awful as that letter was I wrote to you, it was private.

You told Matty's truth to the whole world and that, Jenna, that's the real problem.

I convinced myself that I was just being a good writer but in the cold, harsh light of my mom's words, I saw what I really was.

A [bleep] friend.

It was time to make this right no matter what.

Whoa, whoa.

Slow down, Sadita.

What's the problem?

I... I need more.

Oh, I will give you more.

No, you know what I mean.

We keep doing the same thing.

I'm not doing butt, Sergio.

I'm serious.

You know what, I want more than sex.

You know, I want closeness, you know?

Like emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy?

You make chalupas.

Good one, Sadita.

Deflect an honest attempt to have a conversation with an insult to my heritage and my line of work.

You're so predictable.

That was unpredictable.

It was amazing.

[sighs]

I don't need an Uber, Jake.

No, no, just calling for food.

Oh.

Sorry.

Other guys just usually want me to leave.

Yeah?

Well, I'm, uh... not like other guys.

You're not like other guys.

I mean, guys our age, they don't know what they want but you already have what you want.

You're satisfied with working here.

You don't need anything better.

You don't care about big money or higher education, and you're completely content to live in your hometown your whole life.

[gasps] You're like the ultimate townie.

[chuckles nervously]

So I guess since both my mom and dad basically abandoned me that's why I never get close to anyone.

Wow, what a breakthrough.

You don't think I already know all that?

It's why you're so rude.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what you want from me.

I want you to let me in.

I let you in every time I see you.

Any time something real comes up, you want to solve it with sex.

You're like a guy.

And you want emotional intimacy. You're like a...

Don't say it.

Look.

It's my summer vacation and I want to have fun and...

Go back to school and come back here on another break and pick up where you left off.

Is that so bad?

Yeah, it is.

It doesn't work for me anymore.

Why?

Because I love you.

I... [sighs]

I appreciate that and I love your hair and your lips...

And?

And...

Forget it. You don't have to say it because I know you do.

♪ Oh, you will find me ♪
♪ Between the devil ♪
♪ And the deep blue sea ♪
♪ And I'm going under ♪

[clears throat]

I want my article taken down.

♪ Oh, you will find me ♪
♪ Between ♪

The article that earned you the e-book?

I really appreciate you pushing me to explore the more personal things to me, but this article was too personal and not just to me.

I hurt someone I care about when I wrote it, and it got butchered in the edit.

Bite that hand, hon.

I want it taken down.

Anything else you want, Jenna?

I guess I should pack up my things.

You probably should.

♪ Going under ♪

But don't.

You're a pain in the ass, Jenna, but you know, there isn't a writer out there who isn't a giant, colossal pain in the ass.

I wanted to k*ll Ophelia at least two separate times last week and now I'm going to give her the e-book instead of you and I'm gonna take the article down.

Hits on it have slowed anyway and maybe a little ghost post will drum up some interest.

I've had a whiny ex or three of my own who didn't like my articles, but if you ever ask me to take something down again, I'm going to make you clean out the office microwave with your tongue.

Got it.

Yeah.

Now sit down.

You're late for this meeting.

[knocking on door]

I got it taken down.

It's erased forever.

Not for me, it isn't.

Look, what you and I went through, a lot of people go through and I was just trying to use us as an example of universal experience.

And I'm sure that the people who read that article will understand.

Well, I don't care what all those other people think of me, Jenna.

I care what you think of me.

And now that I've read your article, I know.

You think I'm a loser and you didn't even have the guts to say it to my face.

Would you please just read the whole thing?

I'm done reading. I'm done talking about this and I'm done with you.

He's never gonna forgive me.

Then he's an idiot.

Can we go now?

Maybe I'm the idiot.

Luke, I'm sorry.

It's just... it's something I have to do.

If you don't want to wait...

I don't.

[engine starts]

♪ Caught in the riptide ♪

[doorbell ringing]

Matty, hello?

Hey, look, if you're not gonna answer the door, then I'm just gonna say it.

I'm sorry.

I don't even know if you can hear me right now but...

"I was drowning in my own self-importance. Being on my own at college had given me a false sense of maturity, but the reality was that I was no more independent or adult than he was. In fact, Mark had always been more grown-up than me when it counted. After I had so rudely rejected him, I began to wonder if I would ever encounter another human being that would have such a profound influence on my life. He would always be my first true love... and that's something you never forget."

♪ Hope inside me ♪
♪ I find my way ♪
♪ Back to you, back to you ♪

You came back.

Got three blocks away and realized what a jerk I'd been.

You?

I'm the jerk.

No, you're really not.

You care about how your actions affect others.

I was just reacting to the fact that the other in this situation was Matty.

And I so get that, but I promise you have nothing to worry about with Matty.

He'll probably never speak to me again, anyway.

Thank you... for coming back.

I'm sorry this has been so much drama.

I will stick my neck out for you any day.

Drama or no drama.

And I'm sorry if I added to it.

The apologies were flying fast and loose. I was glad to have heard Luke's. I only wished Matty had heard mine.

♪ One beautiful voice ♪
♪
♪ You are always here ♪
♪ With me ♪