02x02 - Miso Dead

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Angie Tribeca"...

She's awake.

[Crash]

Sergeant Pepper?

Angie.

How long have I been out?

Jay: About nine months.

They said even if you did wake up, you wouldn't be you anymore.

It's possible that...

Nobody asked you!

Hey, if you're gonna lose your mind every time you fall into a coma and I abandon you for another woman who then raises your baby, thinking it's my Canadian love child, it's gonna be a long second season.

Tribeca.

Angie, it's me.

Sergeant Pepper?

Eddie?

[Siren wailing]

I have to say, I really enjoyed talking to you.

Oh, me too.

This has been great.

I haven't talked too much about my personal stuff?

Not at all. The whole reason I'm here is because I got dumped, so it was nice to know that somebody else is going through it.

So, what are you gonna do about this old flame of yours?

The dead one I keep imagining is calling me?

I don't know.

I say go for it! I mean...

[Amplified] Tribeca! Wrap it up!

We got another jumper on the other side of town, and we need the pad!

What do you say? Ready to come down?

Yeah. I want to live.

In fact, I'm going to...

[Cellphone rings]

Oh, sorry.

I just have to take this.

[Sighs] Tribeca.

Geils, what's up?

Okay. Be right there.

[Beep]

[Baby crying]

I can't get him to calm down.

Why don't we let Tribeca give it a sh*t?

Even though it's a baby I had with some chick from Canada, Tribeca might have a special connection to it.

No, no. That's fine. I...

Go ahead, Angie.

She said she doesn't want to, Jay.

I could try.

She said she could try.

Fine.

Hello, sir.

How are you?

[Cooing]

It actually worked.

It's probably just the cough syrup kicking in.

Maybe I do have a maternal bone in my body, after all.

[Baby coos]

Shh. Go to sleep.

What do you got on the skull, babe?

Well, you gave me quite a challenge this time.

The skull had been in the water over a week.

What the fish and birds didn't pick clean, the salt water dissolved.

So, nothing, then.

Easy.

I'm sure you have something, right, Dr. Scholls?

I do. I was able to get a proper tissue sample, and with the help of the new DNA image-rendering software, we should have an image of the victim's face shortly.

Little Angie licked the slide, but that shouldn't affect the results.

[Computer beeps]

♪♪

System crashed.

Tribeca!

The shrink says you're blowing off your sessions.

Yeah. That's because I don't need them. I'm fine.

You exploded. You were in a coma for a year, and now the guy you loved is banging the head of forensics!

Easy!

Sorry!

The vag*na of forensics.

If that was my life, I'd have a b*llet sandwich for dinner and six feet of dirt for dessert.

Now get up there.

Geils, go check on the dental records.

I'll catch up with you.

[Phone rings]

Woman: Forensics dental lab. Please hold.

[Phone beeps]

Skull found in ocean?

Hi, Dr. Helm.

Jay... you've been avoiding me.

[Chuckles] I'm teasing!

Come on. Have a seat.

Let's see what we have here today.

Open.

Very nice.

Face towards me a little bit more.

Bit more.

That's it.

Let's take a picture.

There. All right.

Should I leave the room for this?

Oh, no. It's fine.

No more radiation than you get if you're microwaving a burrito.

[Machine beeps]

All right.

The computer will just take a minute to run the x-rays against the database.

How about I give you a little polish?

Open.

[Tool whirring]

So, anyway. My youngest, Jeremy, is off to Brown, leaving me with a bit of an empty nest.

Have you heard of this new Airbnb?

I think it sounds fantastic.

But Ruth, well, she won't sleep in another person's bed, so, go figure.

[Computer beeps]

Ooh! We have a match.

[Vacuum suctions]

Mr. Thirsty, clean him up.

Ah. Your teeth belong to Kobayashi Maru.

Sushi chef. Owned his own restaurant.

Missing report filed nine days ago.

And his age... 71.

So, he's on his way out anyway.

Thanks, Doc. You're a genius.

[Cellphone ringing]

[Sighs]

Tanner?

Do you have an appointment with the shrink, too?

No. Shrink broke his back, and since I have a PhD in behavioral psychology with a focus on post-traumatic stress, I'm the guy that's always got to fill in.

Oh.

Okay.

Well... last couple of weeks have been a pretty big adjustment.

Scholls and Geils are dating, they're raising my child, my dead ex-fiancé keeps calling my phone.

And how does that make you feel?

A little anxious. There's been some dark moments.

I'm not gonna lie.

I can understand that.

But the worst part is...

[Cellphone vibrates]

[Cellphone beeps]

Tanner.

Be right there.

[Cellphone beeps]

Everything okay?

There's birthday cake for Heather.

♪♪

I need the room.

Geils, Tribeca, get the hell in here!

What do we know about this dead sushi chef?

Kobayashi Maru... 71 years old, born Osaka, Japan, 71 years ago.

Mother... female. Father... male.

First name, Kobayashi. Last name, Maru.

Occupation... sushi chef. Current status... dead.

We also know his country of origin... Japan.

Maru was the owner of a high-end sushi restaurant called Smells Like Fish.

Michelin gave him three out of four tires.

Business was booming until...

What are these?

Newspapers, sir.

That's how people got their information up until 2008.

Smells Like Fish was being investigated for serving illegal whale meat.

There's a lawsuit by Greenpeace that's still pending.

Even though they never proved it, the whale scandal took its toll.

It's what cost them their fourth tire.

When are people gonna leave those majestic creatures alone?

I know, sir. The Japanese are such a noble people.

[Horn honks]

[Protestors shouting indistinctly]

Woman: What do we want?!

All: For them to stop serving whale, as per the Marine Mammal Protection Act of 1972, be shut down, and... [All inhale] in a perfect world, be held accountable for their actions!

When do we want it?!

All: Now!

[Booing]

We're investigating the m*rder of the head chef.

All: Yay!

LAPD. Who's in charge?

Unless you know locksmith...

Want me to try to find a locksmith?

I got your locksmith right here.

Call the coroner.

Tell her to bring the big mop.

Together: Irasshaimase!

There's blood everywhere, but...

Irasshaimase!

.. no body.

Which means someone...

Irasshaimase!

.. k*lled him in the office, likely with a...

Irasshaimase!

.. blade of some kind, dumped the head, and then did who knows what with the body.

Any signs of a struggle?

Yes, people tend to resist when other people try to k*ll them.

Well, thank you for that. Since you're the expert, why don't you tell us whether or not the k*ller left any trace.

Because K*llers always make a point to leave evidence linking them to the m*rder?

You went to two months of forensics school.

You should know.

[Camera shutter clicking]

I'm glad we can keep it professional despite what's happened between us.

How does a guy in a locked room get m*rder*d?

Somebody else had to have a key.

Let's go talk to Maru's wife.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Uh, we're just gonna go out for an hour or so.

We'll be back soon.

Okay! I'll see you then.

Thank you.

Bye.

Thanks.

Mrs. Maru?

Yes? Can I help you?

I'm Detective Tribeca.

This is Detective Geils from the LAPD.

We know this must be a very difficult time for you, what with your husband being slaughtered, beheaded, head floating in the ocean, body still missing, but if you're up for it, we'd like to ask you some questions.

Come in. Uh, table or sushi bar?

Table, please.

Wow, this really looks like your husband's restaurant.

Yes.

He believed that only by living his profession 100% of the time could he approach perfection.

Could I ask you to remove your shoes?

Of course.

Did your husband have any enemies?

Courtney Woodpatch-Newton.

She was the one who led the whale meat investigation by Greenpeace.

She hated my husband.

We nearly went bankrupt defending ourselves against the accusations.

So your husband was upset by the scandal?

Of course he was upset!

He took great pride in his reputation.

Your husband was m*rder*d in his office.

His apprentice, Mr. Takagi, said there was only one key.

Is that true?

He had a spare.

And where was the spare?

In his office.

As skilled as he was as a sushi chef, his key management skills were severely lacking.

[Both slurping loudly]

[Slurping continues]

We're sorry for your loss, ma'am.

We'll keep you posted on the investigation.

Check.

Anything from the crime scene?

It was pretty thin.

All the blood was from the victim.

No prints, no hair, no DNA from anyone else.

What about the giant harpoon under this sheet?

I was building to that.

Were you? It didn't sound like you were.

You interrupted me.

Sorry.

I'm just trying to find a m*rder*r who's still on the loose.

So, Scholls, I'm sure you've checked the harpoon's serial number against the National Harpoon Database to see who it's registered to, right?

Well, I was...

Don't worry. I got it.

I'm just happy we live in a country with legislators that have the guts to pass common sense harpoon laws.

[Ringing]

Computerized female: [Stilted voice] Hello.

You have reached the National Harpoon Database.

To continue this call in English, say "English."

English.

Thank you.

Please say the serial number of the harpoon you wish to track.

Geils, can you read me the serial number?

Yeah.

One...

Eight...

One. Eight.

I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

Please say the serial number of the harpoon you wish to track.

One. Eight.

I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

Can I speak to a person?

I think you said you wanted to talk to a person.

Let me connect you.

Female: [Stilted voice] Hi, my name is Juliet.

Please say the serial number of the harpoon you wish to track.

Are you a person?

Yes. I am a person.

What's your favorite movie ever?

My favorite movie is...

"Runaway Bride."

Not a person.

Please say the serial number of the harpoon you wish to track.

Some examples of numbers are three, or, nine.

Or, if you do not know the serial number, say "I don't know."

One. Eight.

I think I can help you with that.

[Keyboard clacking]

Harpoon one-eight belongs to Courtney.

Woodpatch-Newton.

Are you still there?

I have no friends.

Angie: Courtney, Courtney, Courtney.

It's "Quertney."

Looks like you're in a tough spot, Quertney.

Am I?

See this?

Yeah, it's my harpoon.

We know, Quertney.

Then why are you asking?

It's the harpoon that was used to k*ll Kobayashi Maru, the sushi chef that your people have been trying to bring down with a lawsuit.

Yeah, so?

So, the harpoon is registered to you, and it was found at a m*rder scene as the m*rder w*apon.

Ergo?

Ergo, this harpoon was used to k*ll a man!

[Scoffs] Can I go?

No, you can't go. You're a m*rder suspect.

Wow. Okay.

Do you even want me to tell you why it couldn't have been me?

Yes!

Yeah!

That would be very, very helpful.

That would be good.

We would want to hear that right now.

Yes. Please.

Whales are really special, you guys.

And Greenpeace does a lot of work to try to protect them.

And so sometimes we go out on these boats and we sh**t harpoons at the whaling boats just to give them a taste of their own medicine.

It's not really a big deal.

Hashtag heroes are everywhere.

[Cellphone beeps]

How does that exonerate you?

[Mockingly] How does that "exemerate" you?

It exemerates me because I sh*t this very harpoon at a whaling boat like two weeks before your dude was even m*rder*d.

And, if you don't believe me, here is a video to prove it.

There's me sh**ting that harpoon right at that boat.

There's the date and time. That's Trevor.

We were dating for a while, and he got really weird about stuff. Anyway, can I go?

You can see the whole video on my YouTube channel, WhaleTailQuertney68. So, you know, whoever has the boat had my harpoon and probably k*lled your dude.

[Cellphone chimes]

Oh, my Uber's here. Bye! [Smooches]

So good to see you again.

Oh.

This was fun.

Bye.

I really don't like Quertney.

You know what you should really check out?

That sushi place has this weird after-hours club where they serve all kinds of illegal stuff.

Maybe you guys should care about animals as much as you care about people.

Because when you think about it, animals don't have detectives solving their murders.

And that's really wrong.

[Cellphone chimes]

[Sighs] Oh, God.

Yes, I'm coming out.

♪♪

I don't see why you have to go.

It's my job, honey.

Oh, it's your job to go on a date with Angie Tribeca to a sushi restaurant?

[Razor clatters]

It's not a date.

We're just two detectives trying to solve a case.

[Spraying]

You have work to do anyway.

We need you to figure out who owns the boat in that Woodpatch video, because whoever had that harpoon k*lled Maru.

And that's like the whole case, right there, on you.

Really?

Yes, really. And I'm not just saying that.

Okay.

Monica, how many times do I have to tell you?

I'm in love with Tribeca, but I'm dating you.

And nothing in the foreseeable future's gonna change that.

I am head over heels, 100% settling for you.

I know. I just need to hear it sometimes.

[Gong sounds]

Oh, this looks good.

What is it?

Snow leopard. No soy sauce.

I don't feel good about this.

You look great. Keep your eyes open.

[Speaking Japanese]

Sorry. My Japanese is a little rusty.

I only speak dubbed.

[Speaking dubbed Japanese]

[Speaks Japanese]

[Laughter]

Kangaroo pouch?

Ah, wonderful.

Rhinoceros horn?

Ah, yeah. Please.

Say when.

That's great. Thank you.

[Speaks dubbed Japanese]

[Laughter]

[Bell dings]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Illegal Diner's Club.

Please have your Illegal Diner's Club card ready to show your server.

[Cellphone ringing]

[Beep]

Hello?

Geils, it's Scholls.

I am trained by Kobayashi Maru to push the boundaries of sense and taste to their limits.

Monica, I'm in the middle of a sting.

Tribeca looks beautiful in her Geisha getup, if that's what you're wondering.

No! The boat from the video...

It's registered to Joseph Takagi.

Mr. Takagi?

Tonight's forbidden dish will give me the opportunity to serve him one last time by serving him one last time.

Bring out... the Maru sashimi!

[Applause]

Man: Look at that.

All right. I got to go. I think we're about to eat Maru.

[Whispering] Tribeca. Tanner.

Boat belongs to Takagi. Takagi k*lled Maru.

Joseph Takagi, you're under arrest for the m*rder and immaculate plating of Kobayashi Maru.

Appetizers on the house?

You were the one serving whale the whole time.

And when Maru found out about it, he was furious, wasn't he?

So when Greenpeace att*cked your whaling boat, you saw a chance to get rid of Maru and pin the blame on someone else.

All you had to do is get the spare key to Maru's office and wait for the perfect opportunity.

[Yelling in Japanese]

Aah!

Aah!

But you know the part that never made sense to me?

Geils... we got to go.

[Sirens wails in distance]

Oh, all right. We're done here.

And you should probably get that checked out.

[Inhales sharply]

[Sirens continue]

♪♪

Hey, we're gonna get a drink for Heather's birthday.

You in?

Uh, no, thanks.

Is there any cake left in the break room?

Nah.

Good night, partner.

Good night.

[Cellphone rings]

[Beep]

Hello?

[Static, heavy breathing]

Who is this?

Sergeant Pepper?

[Static continues]

This can't be you. You're dead.

[Beep]

[Cellphone chimes]

♪♪

[Cellphone pings]

[Cellphone chiming]

[Sighs]

[Chimes]

[Cellphone thuds]

[Cellphone chimes]

♪♪