01x02 - What Would Phil Do?

[bunniefuu]

all: Ooh... oh!

Bill: Previously on "Roadies..."

Milo: Kelly Ann to eight.

Go for Kelly Ann.

Nobody thinks you're leaving.

I'm going to film school. I'm going to film school.

Can you stay one more night and nanny Winston?

I got this ticket and I got to be on a red-eye at 11:00.

What are you leaving us for?

How can you leave your band?

They barely even gave me a nickname and I hate it.

Bill: Management calling this early?

Now he's sending someone?

A new financial advisor.

No, I'm actually looking for Phil.

Hello, Head and The Heart! Welcome to the family!

I don't hear the music the same way.

I don't feel like it's mine anymore.

Phil: It comes and goes, sweetheart.

But if you love the music, and I know you do, you might want to give it all another chance.

♪ If you're feeling good ♪
♪ Is all I need to know ♪

I want my job back.

This ain't a good time to un-quit.

You are invited to leave the organization.

Now.

Let me just caution...

Oh, God! Down, down!

[g*nsh*t]

[screaming]

[strumming guitar chords]

[cheers and applause]

Good night, Little Rock!

[cheers and applause]

Wesley: What the f*ck?

Milo: I can't believe he did it again.

Kelly Ann: You guys talking about the fingertips kiss?

Donna: Could be unconscious, like, maybe he doesn't even know he's doing it.

It's guilt, man. That British douchebag just broomed a bunch of his crew.

He subconsciously feels guilt.

No, guilt makes you wash your fingers, not kiss them.

Somebody hid my work box behind a f*cking Zamboni.

I mean, it's almost like he's openly craving love.

But not contemporary love.

It's like he channeled Freddie Mercury and borrowed a stage move from 1982.

You know what I think?

Milo: Forget the fingertips.

There's some serious sh*t going on, all right?

Exhibit B: One of Rick's sacred Potato Heads with a Dirty Sanchez, a mustache made of excrement.

Wesley: Is that actual sh*t?

It's a chunky brown crayon.

The point is, Phil was our leader, and without a true leader...

What about Bill?

...we go to lawlessness, disorder, chaos!

Exhibit A was our cases missing, all right?

I mean, do you think The Head and The Heart would dare to f*ck with us if Phil was still around?

You actually think The Head and The Heart hid our cases?

Yes! Without Phil, a true leader, the f*cking opening act feels emb... emboldened to just take out their petty aggressions on us.

f*ck yeah!

Mark my words, this woeful lack of leadership will destroy this band.

It's just the fingertips of the iceberg.

[chuckles]

What about Bill?

Bill's already cracking from the pressure, all right?

It's too much for him.

Someone say there were wings?

f*ck yeah! Back here!

I like how you started with B and then segued to A.

That was sick.

Cheers, mate.

Hey, Donna...

For the last time, you left.

This is my bunk now. You're not getting it back.

But I never even left the f*cking parking lot.

Bill: The band just seem a little off.

They... they don't like how you walk 'em to the stage.

What? They said that?

They... they miss how Phil did it.

man: Shelli?

Ugh! Go for Shelli.

man: Did you find your case?

Yeah, yeah, we... we got 'em all back now.

It's a f*cking nightmare. Thank you.

Strange... I mean, who would have hidden our cases?

I've got a really weird feeling about The Head and The Heart.

Hey, careful about accusing an innocent support band.

I mean, need I remind you that a certain British douchebag has axed how many people on this tour in the last 24 hours?

Three.

Three other potential suspects with motive and opportunity.

So I'd make sure that, you know, you have all the facts before you start pointing fingertips.

[breathing heavily]

What?

Why are you breathing like that?

Like what?

This is how I breathe.

The other thing?

I don't really f*cking care how Phil used to walk 'em to the stage.

I-I-I got my own style, you know, Shelli?

I got my own way of doing it. I say supportive stuff.

I tell 'em inside jokes.

I point out the fan club honeys on the first five rows.

I give 'em a little piece of my heart every single night.

I'm sorry to add to your burden.

What burden?

I got the greatest job in the world.

This is what I signed up for.

I'm big wave surfing.

I'm the Laird Hamilton of rock, and I love it.

Growing up, other kids, they were reading "Sounder."

I was reading "Hammer of the Gods."

[sighs]

I'll see you on the bus.

[panting softly]

[sighs]

I love my job.

♪ Billy Ray was a preacher's son ♪
♪ And when his daddy would visit he'd come along ♪
♪ When they gathered around and started talking ♪
♪ That's when Billy would take me walking ♪
♪ Out through the backyard we'd go walking ♪
♪ And then he'd look into my eyes ♪
♪ And Lord knows to my surprise ♪
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪
♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪
♪ Ooh yes he was ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Being good isn't always easy ♪
♪ No matter how hard I try ♪
♪ When he started sweet-talking to me ♪
♪ He'd come and tell me everything is all right ♪
♪ He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right ♪
♪ Can we get away again tonight? ♪
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪
♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪
♪ Ooh yes he was... ♪

Could somebody else... yes, pretty good.

Wait, Donna can do it better. Donna!

Do the fingertips.

Mmm.

♪ The look that was in his eyes ♪
♪ Stealing kisses from me on the sly ♪
♪ Taking time to make time ♪
♪ Telling me that he's all mine ♪
♪ Learning from each other's knowing ♪
♪ Looking to see how much we've been growing ♪
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪
♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪

♪ Yes he was ♪

♪ Was ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪
♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪
♪ The only boy who could ever teach me... ♪

[both sigh]

Don't like how I walk 'em to the stage.

Are they f*cking kidding?

Look, maybe just call Phil and...

Call Phil?

Why do I f*cking need to call Phil?

What do I need to call Phil for?

For advice about walking them to the stage.

And then...

[water running]

And... and then what?

Well, and then, while you have him on the phone, ask if maybe he can help us find a new opening act.

W-we have zero proof that the opening act is trying to sabotage us.

Zero.

Oh, oh, okay, no, no.

I-I have Nancy Drew-ed this sh*t up and down.

For all those sweet harmonies and amazing songs, they are provocateurs.

And I don't know if those passive-aggressive, seemingly kind but secretly vicious m*therf*ckers...

[door opens]

Bathroom's free. It's all yours.

Then what? Shelli, come on.

Come on.

They... they pranked us last night.

You have to get them in line or fire them.

Because that's what Phil would do, right?

Oh, no. I didn't say...

No, you're thinking if Phil were here, none of this would've happened.

This wouldn't've happened on Phil's watch.

You don't know what I think. I-I...

No, you thought it, because you thought if Phil were here...

There is a large man in a... in a towel.

Reg, you're here early.

Well, I was up most of the night.

Mostly because I am finding it tough going, sleeping in a cupboard.

But also... Harvey?

Yeah?

Yeah, I've, uh...

...been looking at Harvey's books, and while I have cut away a fair amount of the deadwood these last few days, as you can see it's still not enough.

I need, uh, to individually speak to each remaining crew member.

The undeadwood?

[snickers]

Yes.

Yeah, we need to eliminate one more person, and I cannot, uh, determine who that is until I actually understand...

Hmm.

Bill: Right.

...what it is you all do.

Reg, look, th... that's unacceptable.

I mean, not to mention...

That doesn't...

...a waste of the crew's time.

We have a lot...

No.

It's arithmetic.

[sharp breath] Also, um, in New Orleans, I was told that my suitcase would be delivered back to my, um, room...

Hmm.

...and it never arrived.

It's a brown...

Brown.

...leather Fendi, um, suit... yeah.

You... you... you got that, right?

Fendi.

Um, so if you hear anything...

All right, then.

[pop rock music]

♪♪♪

I hear one more person's getting the a*.

You serious?

What?

It's true. Double D wants us to justify our jobs to him.

Who's Double D?

This would not be happening if Phil was still here.

That's a great shirt, by the way.

Oi, West Coast, over here. Come on.

You have a nickname?

"West Coast"?

That's me.

Kelly Ann: Who made those shirts anyway?

Wesley: I don't know but they ask a good question.

"What Would Phil Do?"

Preston.

Preston: Listen. We got a problem.

Ye... yeah, we got a problem.

It's the British money guy.

No, it's this thing Christopher started doing, kissing his fingertips.

Oh, yeah, that... right. That's... that's new.

Yes, well, it's extremely disconcerting and disturbing.

Someone needs to tell him to stop, and since Phil's not there, that someone is you, Bill.

♪ 'Cause I can't have you anymore ♪

I just f*cking miss Phil.

You knew him for 45 minutes.

Like the ancient Aztecs didn't look into someone's soul and feel a f*cking eternity in the flash of a second?

Come on!

So true, mate.

Unbelievable.

This tour hasn't been the same since New Orleans.

f*ckin' A, bro.

Milo: That's right.

Remember in New Orleans when Bill called me Maestra?

Yeah, it's just something I remember.

Double D, 12 o'clock.

Even Reg gets a nickname.

It started when Bill described him as "'Titanic' in a suit," which Shelli changed to Douchebag Dawson.

'Cause he's going down.

Exactly.

And now we call him Double D so they can talk about him on the radio, so...

Good morning.

Mmm.

Gotta go.

Me too.

Guitars need tuning.

See you soon, guys. Looking forward.

[laid-back rock music]

What is a grit exactly?

Is it yet another form of potato?

Grits aren't potatoes. They're grits.

I see.

They're made from corn.

Would you like mine?

No, thank you.

I've had mine. [chuckles]

Yeah, sure.

All right.

♪♪♪

Shelli: Wes, Winston.

Top of the morning.

Those shirts, uh, are they new merch?

Who cares if people miss Phil, someone made a shirt?

So are you gonna lead morning circle or what?

We haven't had one since he left.

That was Phil's thing.

The holding hands and the "Hoo-haa" and all that, that was his deal.

That's why it worked, 'cause it was his.

I gotta find my own thing.

People need a morning circle, Bill.

Reg: It doesn't... it doesn't bother me that, um, people disperse the moment I arrive, you know?

[clears throat]

I prefer hominy grits.

Our neighbor used to make us grits, and they would soak the corn in something...

Oh, um, I've been meaning to ask you something.

Lye.

Hmm?

They would soak the corn in lye.

Hmm?

The kernel would swell to twice of its original size.

What made you come back?

♪♪♪

I don't know.

Was it something specific that I said, or... or was it, um, more the fact that I just spoke to you at all?

You think I came back because of you?

If you want, you can ask me later, 'cause I'm gonna be, um, here all day collecting information.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay.

To be continued.

♪♪♪

Yo, West Coast, let's just hold fingertips.

Bill: Okay, people!

Morning.

This is Memphis.

So I'll just go ahead and say the word.

Elvis.

Whoo!

All right. The King.

Now, my own fascination with Elvis is very specific.

It's the Tiki Room Elvis.

It's the live at Graceland album Elvis.

It's the going to see "Magnum Force" at the Memphian at midnight with Ginger Alden Elvis.

It's the embattled Elvis during the late-night set at the Hilton Elvis.

It's the wounded Elvis.

After Elvis, "What Happened," Elvis?

Disoriented, lonely.

It's the troubled, epic Elvis.

So a moment of silence.

[hushed chatter]

[cell phone vibrates]

[man clears throat]

[mouthing words]

But, hey, let's, uh, let's talk about Alex Chilton and the Box Tops, right?

Earnestine and Hazel's.

The Peabody Hotel with those little ducks that wander across the lobby there.

Can you feel it?

So... our circle's gotten a little smaller these past few days, yes, but though less in number...

Fewer in number or less in number?

M-my... my dad would know that.

He was... he was a real stickler for, uh, grammar and things like that.

Anyhow, I'm gonna get better at this, so...

all: Hey...

Bill, Bill, remember that...

Oh, hold that. Sorry.

...um, thing I asked you?

Dude!

Talk about those interviews.

Talk about those interviews.

Got it!

Yeah.

Pardon me, guys.

Uh, Reg here requests a few moments of your time.

But, uh, listen, I-I just want to say thank you and, um, it's gonna be a good day.

[radio chatter]

We'll, um...

Cheers, Bill, thanks.

He kind of...

Hey.

...came at a crucial time.

Bill, we have proof.

Video surveillance footage from Little Rock.

It was The Head and The Heart.

Check it out.

[light rock music]

♪ In my waxed up hair... ♪

Bill, if you don't a* this m*therf*cking opening act right now, I am so ready to do it.

Hey, look, I can't find a replacement by tonight.

Do you understand?

Yes, you could, if you would just ask for help.

Okay, well, just let... let me handle this in my own way.

♪ Playing at the talent show ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Well, we got our guitars ♪
♪ And we got our thumb picks ♪
♪ And we go on after some... ♪

I love you.

Are you Daddy's girl?

Yeah. [laughs]

Okay, Delores, now put the baby on.

baby: Hi, Daddy!

Hey, baby!

Ah... ugh.

baby: I watch the video.

Later.

baby: I miss y...

I think you know why I'm here.

Look, I had zero involvement in Phil's Katrina thing.

The minute I discovered the defrauding, pfft, I blew the whistle.

Okay, I was involved for a minute.

I-I admit it.

Easy money. Victimless crime.

Okay, they were victims, but of really bad weather, not me.

And then I came to my senses... [chuckles]

...after my wife threatened to leave me.

Risking my life, I might add, because in the past, Phil has k*lled two people.

On purpose! You ever look in his eyes?

He's got those k*ller whale eyes, right before they lose it and eat they Sea World trainer.

I mean, if Phil were to find out I turned him in?

What?

I worked so hard to get to a band of this level.

If you let me go, I'm not going back to my old level.

I won't have a level. I'll be level-less.

Harvey, I'm not here to fire you.

I just need to borrow your office.

The one they gave me smells, but thanks for that.

Oh. [chuckles]

Thank God.

But...

...I do expect your support.

And loyalty.

Of course! Of... man, I'm loyal as hell when I'm not snitching.

Ha, I'm your dude.

And thank you.

Can I hug you?

Absolutely not.

[blues music]

♪♪♪

[sighs]

Look, you're just gonna have to let people feel this way for a while.

What? What way?

People are pissed at you 'cause you left.

Remember when Mom and Dad left, how we felt?

See, this is why I can't be around you.

And you can't demand a nickname.

That sh*t's, like, bestowed.

You gotta let people know, "Hey, I'm back, for real. You can count on me."

I don't need your help, okay?

And Mom would never have left if Dad hadn't.

What is Winston doing?

Coloring.

With your balisong Kn*fe?

Yeah.

You provided him with a w*apon.

Ah, it's a loan.

You should not be supervising a child.

You should not have jumped onto my tour.

I had to!

I can't be at home, be around my home friends.

I don't get their lives and they don't get mine either.

Plus all the mail, trying to decide what to eat, it just get... oh, God!

It's just... it's really hard being you.

It gets to me.

You know what, Wes?

What?

He's armed.

Oh, Christ on a bike! Hey!

Get back here, devil child!

Shelli: Ugh, f*ck! sh*t!

There is no f*cking reception here.

Uh, um...

What?

...no, nothing.

Just, um...

...I'm back, for real.

You can count on me, okay?

Okay, yeah. Good.

You'll run the teleprompter.

What?

Tom Staton requested a teleprompter.

You get to run it.

[groans]

[cell phone vibrates]

Yeah, this is Shelli.

A teleprompter?

You want me to explain what I do?

The first band I ever worked for cried when I left them.

I don't have to prove myself to you.

Do you know how many times a day one of those local union guys asks me who in the band is my boyfriend, or if I know what all those little knobs do, or where the sound man is?

Nobody has a thicker skin than me.

My girlfriend is pregnant, and I love her, but she will never understand what I do.

My girlfriend, who makes me come without touching me, will never really get it.

So do you think you'll ever grasp it?

And you are Donna.

[electronic pop music]

♪♪♪

Hello, Head and The Heart.

You look good. Yeah.

You know, Coach John Wooden once said, "98% of who we are is equal to every other person. It's what you do with that extra 2%."

Now, your great band is at a crossroads.

So you can use your 2% for antagonism, or you can use your 2% to join our community, or you can continue to f*ck with us, and we'll ask you to leave this tour.

And that is the story of how malcontents are born.

Now, I-I-I think we got off on the wrong foot, so let's change shoes.

My dad taught me that. He was a shoe guy.

Let's take the next step together.

Let's... let's exercise together.

Let's drink b*llet Coffees together.

Coach Wooden, he also said, "Failure is not fatal.

Failure to change might be."

Gentlemen and ladies, this is a holy endeavor.

♪♪♪

Thanks.

♪♪♪

I-I-I-I got to admit, I-I was magnificent.

I found a groove and I talked with them, you know, not at them.

Eh, you can see how these cult leaders and televangelists, how they could get carried away...

They just quit.

What?

Yeah, they're taking the Neil Young dates in Europe.

No! What about...

We need an opening act.

Well, what about, like, Coach Wooden and the shoes?

What shoes?

We have less than six hours to find a replacement.

Call Phil!

No! You know, f*ck it.

I'll find a g*dd*mn opening act on my own, okay?

I-I can't.

Wait.

[sighs] Where you going?

Shelli for Kelly Ann. Meet me stage left.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

What?

[groans]

Teleprompters are a snap. You'll be fine.

Just do not look away, even for a second.

I know a girl who did teleprompter for Sting.

She leaned down to scratch her ankle in the middle of "Fields of Gold."

The lyrics started scrolling in Spanish.

Sting sang them in Spanish. "Campos de Oro."

They were in France.

She's in a group home now, but I will text you her number.

She'll walk you through it.

[stammers]

I'm a rigger. I can't.

Yes, you can.

You'll do both, plus...

Uh, guys, why the f*ck are the monitors not up yet?

Plus any other crap job I dump on you.

Someone's getting fired today. Do you get that?

You're not in film school, Dorothy.

Just lose the attitude.

I mean, the fact that they even need a teleprompter is kind of on you.

What?

Well, you're the one who told them to change the set list.

I never thought that they would listen.

Just get your ass over to the Peabody.

I'm gonna text you the alias Christopher's checked in under.

Find out what songs they want programmed for tonight.

[sighs]

Thank you!

Uh, so two cities ago, uh, the band's stalker got backstage and firecrackers went off in the middle of the show.

No, it was in the beginning.

Yeah, no, I-I suppose my point is, Puna, what exactly is it you do?

I sense.

Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm afraid I'm gonna need a bit more than that.

I have seen you... on your way to us.

What, you mean this... this morning?

No. On your way to us.

You were chubby as a young one.

How... how did you know that?

You hate being touched.

I know you are afraid.

I see your fears.

You won't fire me.

And you will face those fears.

[upbeat R&B music]

♪♪♪

It won't happen tonight.

What... what won't ha... what won't happen?

What won't happen?

♪ Bill collectors at my door ♪
♪ What can you do for me? ♪
♪♪♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪♪♪

[no audible dialogue]

♪ No romance without finance ♪

[no audible dialogue]

♪ No romance without finance ♪
♪ Boy nothing in life is free ♪
♪ That's why I'm asking you ♪
♪ What can you do for me? ♪
♪ I've got responsibilities ♪
♪ So I'm looking for a man ♪
♪ Who's got some money in his hands ♪
♪ 'Cause nothing from nothing leaves nothing ♪
♪ You got to have something if you wanna be with me ♪
♪ Oh life... ♪

So, uh, Mr. Pigfucker... tell me about yourself.

Uh, well, I've toured around the world with, like, 14 different bands.

Um, I make the dankest coffee you'll probably ever drink.

And when I'm home, I garden.

I-I have a guitar-shaped garden.

It's called the guitarden.

Guitar and garden.

Uh, and then I nanny this young gem.

So what's your story? [clears throat]

He's got a butterfly Kn*fe.

Oh, yeah, it's coloring time.

That's highly dangerous.

You know how to work that thing, right?

Show him.

Reg: Oh, Jesus.

Wesley: Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

Please leave.

Aw, come on.

Thank you.

[ducks quacking]

Oh, may I help you, young lady?

Yeah, I'm here to see a guest.

Uh, Dan Manutsitch.

Manutsitch?

Yeah.

First name?

Uh, Dan.

Last name?

Manutsitch.

Ma... nuts... itch.

That... that's the one.

Oh, here it is.

Dan Manutsitch.

Room 720.

[rapid beeping]

How is it?

It's, um...

Ahh.

[exhales deeply]

Huh?

Is it a good...

160 over 103.

Is that good or bad?

It's not good.

f*ck me.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't swear.

Okay, and you take good care of yourself.

Thank you.

Okay.

I care about you.

Thank you.

All right, honey.

Okay.

There you go. All right.

[sighs]

Okay, thank you.

Okay.

[cell phone rings]

[sighs]

Bill, life is a gym, and I hear you are having a hell of a workout.

Hey, Phil. How you doing?

Well, we're up here on the launchpad in Finland.

Blast off in two days, and Taylor Swift will be the first pop star to perform in space.

"Planet Swift Tour," that's what we're calling it.

No kidding? Well, I gotta say, I'm not surprised. She... she deserves to be the first one up there.

Yes, she does.

That's pretty exciting.

Uh, Sean told me Head and The Heart quit on you.

They... they did. It was amicable.

Yeah, I still don't trust 'em.

I hadn't trusted a northwest band since The Kingsmen rendered two minutes and 40 seconds of heaven

known as "Louie Louie."

Right.

I knew you needed a new support act, and I made some calls for you, Bill.

We... we are looking. Thank you.

I found somebody for you.

No kidding?

Reignwolf.

Great, Phil. Thank you.

Say, uh, Phil, when... when you used to walk the guys to the stage, how would you...

Give me a minute. What was that?

Never mind.

Thanks again.

Happy to help, Bill.

And remember, it's Taylor Swift's world.

She's just letting us sit in it.

Great. [mutters]

Come on, Bill, you got this.

Where is it you're from exactly?

North. The north.

Near Bristol.

Near Bristol?

Actually Bromley.

Bromley?

Yeah, east side of the north side of Bromley.

Near Leamington Spa?

Yeah.

Leamington Spa meets Bromley. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, Bromley's nowhere near Leamington Spa or Bristol.

It is, mate, if you travel... to the west, by the sea.

Look, you are not from England.

You are from New Jersey.

I have your W-2 here.

All right, all right, fine! Yeah, I admit it, all right?

Look, I toured with Elvis Costello and... and I can't stop it, you know?

It just happens. It comes out of me mouth.

It's just all...

Okay, enough.

Enough! Enough!

Please just give me some idea of what it is you do.

Pretend I'm an alien.

Explain to me what you do.

I protect the bass, I fix broken things, and I owe a cruel obedience to anarchy.

Right. Listen.

Lose the offensive accent, or you're out.

[American accent] What accent?

Okay. Terrific.

Great.

Thanks for your time.

Do I still have my job?

Thanks very much.

Great.

Thank you.

Thank you. [clears throat]

Do you want it open or closed?

Closed, please.

Closed, okay.

[door closes]

[upbeat rock music]

Wesley, stop blowing up my phone asking me if I've seen Winston or your f*cking Kn*fe.

I'm about to see Christopher f*cking House, who intimidates the sh*t out of me, to talk to him about the stupid f*cking teleprompter, to which I am morally opposed but apparently is now my job.

As opposed to you making friends and coffee, I am sleep deprived and I realize I have made a huge f*cking mistake.

I should have just quit since clearly nobody wants me to be here.

And Spike Lee is leaving me automated messages telling me how happy he is that I'm going to NYU film school.

But it's all good.

I'll probably end up being the one who gets fired today.

Wish me luck.

[elevator bell rings]

Can you come with me this way?

Kelly Ann is here for you.

You can have a seat right there.

♪♪♪

Oh, "Dead Sex."

Everybody watches it on the bus except for me.

"Why are you here?"

To ask you which songs you want to have on the teleprompter.

"'Why are you here?' she cried, and in that moment, I d*ed.

To see her giving.

A death worth living."

That's amazing. Yeah.

[scoffs]

Anyway, I don't want anything on the f*cking teleprompter, okay?

Tom's the one who wants it.

He's got lead singer sh*t to worry about.

And I'm at least ten years away from "Stage-heimer's."

I'm sorry. Um... so how's everyone feeling about all the changes and the British guy?

[clicks tongue]

Uh, they're kind of upset.

I didn't know he was gonna fire people.

Do you want some raisins?

No, thanks.

Not a fan of raisins, which is strange 'cause usually I'll eat anything, but a raisin is essentially a person's idea of how to change a grape when a grape was already perfect.

Wow.

And philosophically, I hate how people add raisins where they do not belong.

Stuffing, Cream of Wheat, salad.

When will people learn that raisins are not always the answer?

You're right.

We gotta get rid of Reg.

Pardon me?

I get it.

You're talking in metaphor.

No, no, no.

I was talking about actual raisins.

Well, it was incredibly meaningful to me.

Uh, which, uh, songs would you like to have on the teleprompter?

I haven't decided.

I feel this freedom to not have a plan ever since you said that thing about changing the set list.

But...

You have a gift, Kelly Ann, for saying what needs to be said.

No. I just talk a lot, and I was talking about the raisins.

No, you weren't.

He's got an appointment right now, so you can actually get going.

Sure. [laughs]

I... but I was actually talking about... about the raisins.

Just, uh, ra... raisins, for sure.

Okay. [chuckles]

So you're... you're the tour manager.

Oh, no, no, no. Bill is the tour manager.

I'm the production manager.

But Bill, uh, started doing merch.

He goes all the way back with this band from before the beginning.

He and Christopher were friends, uh, you know, since... since the eighth grade.

Ah, so... could it be possible that because he works for his friend, that Bill could be, um...

...coasting?

Well, that's f*cking bullshit.

No, I...

No, no, no.

Bill barely sleeps.

This... this is a person with integrity.

I mean, sure, he's unaware of it and... [sighs] ...he hits on women half his age in a way that's borderline illegal and just sad to me, but, um... look.

I suck at compliments, but this is a guy who reads Coach John Wooden's book before he goes to sleep because it's the one thing his f*cking fiasco of a father ever gave him.

Next question.

I think we're good.

man: Just so everyone's clear, tonight's opening act is going to be Reignwolf and not The Head and The Heart.

Shelli: Hey, thought I might find you up here.

So, Reignwolf. Saving our ass.

Yup.

[chuckles]

That's Phil's idea.

Talk to Christopher about kissing his fingers?

I mean, they're so close.

Why can't Tom just tell him himself?

Why can't they just talk about it?

I guess there's just some things people, you know, don't know how to say.

Gotta do it quick like ripping off a...

I can't believe you called Phil behind my back.

I-I didn't.

No, you called your husband who works with Phil.

Bill, I was trying to help.

I-I don't want that kind of help.

Hey, you think just 'cause Sean is on retainer with Taylor Swift, I'm sitting in a tub of butter?

We keep our money separate, and my mother needs a new roof and both knees replaced.

My medusa of a sister is no help at all.

It all lands on me.

And if this tour goes all to hell, who's getting fired?

Christopher House's oldest friend?

Probably not.

"Sitting in a tub of butter"?

Pe... people say that?

Yes.

I've got it! Why has this band never released a box set?

Extra content, preexisting valuable stuff, that is the way to energize and monetize the fan base.

Right. Well...

Well, I think the thing is, Reg...

Mmm.

...nobody in the band saved anything.

Yeah, there... there's no collector in this band.

Bill: There's no extra material.

man: Jordan Cook just checked in backstage.

Reignwolf is in the building.

But I-I do have a suggestion if you're concerned about the brand.

You know I am.

It concerns Christopher.

You know the thing he does, you know, with...

...kissing his fingertips?

It... you know, sadly, they're mocking it on social media, Reg.

Reg: Are they?

Bill: Yes, they are.

And, you know, somebody really needs to say something to him, because, between you and me, Tom hates it.

And this is exactly the kind of thing that can, you know, pull a band apart.

Reg: Well, Christopher has just asked to, uh, see me.

I was gonna ask you if you knew what that was about.

I-I don't, but, you know, what a great opportunity to... help the brand.

man: Christopher is asking for Reg, and Reignwolf is ready for soundcheck.

[guitar chords strumming]

Can I get a little bit more, uh, monitor?

Turn... turn the guitar, I would say.

It's loud there.

Uh, here's what we're gonna do.

Just for tonight, I think, uh, it'd be badass if... bring that over here, uh, the drum.

And I... can I bring you up a bit?

If we did it more of a, like, a broke... a brokedown kind of...

[band plays slow blues]

♪♪♪

I'll go like this. Ah!

♪ Let's not get lost in the deep end ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Not when I'm catching my breath ♪

Uh...

♪♪♪
♪ And I don't want to do this anymore ♪
♪ I'm always saying ♪
♪ You keep trying to break down my wall ♪
♪ You just think you're ♪
♪ Hardcore ♪
♪ Hardcore ♪
♪ I don't want to do it anymore ♪

And then we'll cut... he cut in like...

♪♪♪

Ahh!

♪♪♪

[Christopher plays soft music]

♪♪♪

[band playing blues rock music]

♪ Your brother said he locked you up in the bedroom ♪

Ha!

♪♪♪
♪ Your sister said she throw away the key ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Well there's nothing in the world ♪
♪ Nothing in the world that's gonna stop you ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Hell no not even me ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Every time I get to feel like this ♪
♪♪♪

Yes! Yes!

♪♪♪
♪ I just can't do it anymore ♪
♪♪♪

[applause]

Whoo!

Jesus Christ.

[cheers and applause]

[sighs]

Jordan, great job.

Look, I can't tell you how relieved I am.

I-I actually... I've been having some health issues, and... anyways. So glad to have you.

We're gonna have a real blast these next few weeks.

Thank you.

Oh, Phil didn't tell you?

No.

I'm on my way out to Copenhagen right after the show tonight.

Europe?

Yeah.

No! No!

Yeah, man.

Glad I could help out.

Oh, my God.

Fun times, man.

We'll always have tonight.

♪ See the bright lights of Memphis ♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪ I got a friend lives down there ♪
♪♪♪
♪ And I don't know ♪
♪ If I go back again ♪
♪ Giving up is like dying ♪
♪ I get dreams of flying ♪
♪♪♪

Nope, no set list yet, guys.

Kelly Ann, where have you been?

I went to the hotel and Christopher offered me raisins, and...

Did he tell you which songs he wants programmed?

No, he says he feels the freedom not to have a plan.

Oh, f*ck that. Okay, I need you to download everything for the teleprompter. When I get a set list, I'll tell you which songs to put on it.

Thanks. Thank you.

Don't thank me.

I don't mean it.

Good.

Wha... what are you doing in here?

What are you doing in here?

I have to program my teleprompter.

What? In a truck?

'Cause I needed some place private.

These cases are never unloaded. They're...

Your little scheme to get me fired didn't quite come off.

What are you talking about?

Uh, I convinced them...

...to give me another chance somehow.

I didn't try to get you fired.

And there I was, thinking foolishly that we had the makings of some sort of friend... friendship.

I was talking about raisins.

I would never try to get a person fired.

[scoffs]

Even you.

Tha... is that how you see me?

As someone who would try to get you fired?

Why?

'Cause I'm wearing this stupid f*cking T-shirt?

I think it's a nice T-shirt.

Yeah, don't take it personally.

Phil just mattered to people.

Yeah, I realized that.

That's why I had them made.

What?

I believe in creative cost-effective ways of allowing workers to express their frustrations.

Are you serious?

Almost always.

Like yourself.

Now, I've told you my secret.

You tell me one.

I have to go. I have to figure out which songs they want to have on the teleprompter.

Like, for instance, who is... who is this, um, Double D that everyone keeps talking about?

Because I can't seem to find him or her in any of the paperwork.

What?

Um, it's you.

It's your nickname.

Yeah, Double D?

And what... what does it stand for?

Due Diligence.

Really?

Well, what do you know?

I must be, uh, growing on them after all.

Donna: Hey, guys, uh, okay, set lists are now available...

Christ on a bike!

Donna: ...production office. Come and get 'em.

Mr. Diligence.

Reignwolf: ♪ Are you satisfied? ♪

[band playing blues rock music]

♪♪♪
♪ Hey there's nowhere to go ♪
♪♪♪
♪ I've been paralyzed ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
♪♪♪

Hey! Hey!

Whoa, w-w-what is it? W-what's wrong?

No, please don't say anything because nothing...

Is this... is this the teleprompter?

...nothing that you...

Look, you just gotta let it...

Just...

Ahh.

Oh, say, Reg, did you get a...

What?

Did you get a chance to mention it?

What I spoke to you about earlier?

Oh, what, you mean the finger kissing thing?

Yeah.

No, no, there wasn't time because, you see, I was too busy trying to convince your mate Chris not to fire me.

So it looks like you're gonna have to tell him yourself after all.

Well, Reg, just so you know, I never told Christopher he should fire you.

I know. I know.

I know 'cause I know who did.

So, oh, you know, if we consolidate, um, some of these cases, we can eliminate one coach.

You know the one with the discarded set pieces?

The old sets?

That way, we wouldn't need to let anybody else go.

[whistles upbeat melody]

♪♪♪
♪ Are you satisfied? ♪
♪♪♪

[Christopher trilling]

[knock at door]

Hey, brother.

Hey.

How you doing? You look good.

Okay, what's wrong?

Well... [clears throat]

...I think we should just walk to the stage in silence.

I-I mean, it's not like anything I say is gonna help, you know?

Yes, in silence! Great.

Like Phil always did it.

Yeah, exactly. Like Phil did it.

And you know the thing with the...

...with your fingers?

I do that?

You know you do.

Is it, uh, is it pissing Tom off?

[chuckles] You know it is.

[laughs] So what about it?

Well...

Bill, before I forget, that toilet's clogged.

I'll take care of it.

Excuse me.

I'll shut this so you can...

[knock at door]

Hey, just need you to approve the set list.

Oh, and, uh, Tom wants these three songs on the teleprompter.

[toilet water clogging]

That okay?

Whatever Tom wants.

Great. Thanks.

Bill: sh*t. sh*t!

Is there someone in your bathroom?

Oh, just Bill.

Bill: So much water!

Dealing with a clog.

Bill: Everywhere.

Game on.

Bill: Come on.

I'm gonna hand these out and then I'll be back.

[performing vocal exercises]

Guys, here you go.

Patience is a virtue.

Kelly Ann?

"Coyote Kisses," "How It Fades,"

"Miss Begotten."

Wait a second. Wait!

I need the lyrics.

The Blue and The Black website.

It has every Staton-House lyric.

Right, yeah.

[muffled rock music plays over headphones]

♪♪♪

[knocks softly]

[whispers] It's me.

[sighs]

Well, the good news is, these T-shirts, they're really absorbent.

The bad news is... [clears throat] ...I'm dying.

I had my blood pressure checked.

Uh, it... it scared a nurse.

Of course your blood pressure's high.

You drink 18 espressos and wash it down with b*llet Coffee.

I'll do this.

It's time to walk 'em to the stage, as only you can.

Why'd he have to leave?

I f*cking miss him.

Your dad?

No, Phil. f*cking Phil.

I don't miss my dad... that often.

I can't fill Phil's shoes.

Just be you.

So... I know why The Head and The Heart were so pissed off.

Milo accused them of drawing Dirty Sanchezes on Rick's Potato Heads.

They didn't do it.

It was Winston.

The devil child?

Mm-hmm.

You really are Nancy Drew.

[laughs]

You know, Double D suggested that we send back that truck that has the old set on it to save money.

f*ck. That's actually a good idea.

Yeah, I know.

f*ck him.

Mm-hmm.

f*ck 'em all.

Mmm.

Get out there. I got this.

[pensive rock music]

I can't believe I've been co-opted into teleprompting.

It's inauthentic.

It's false.

Copy that one.

[computer chimes]

I really appreciate this.

I know.

Look, I was emotionally prepared for you not to be here anymore, so...

No, I-I get it.

So now you're back, it's just hard to even look at you.

Oh, this song... makes me cry.

I mean, you were my best friend on this tour, besides Milo.

I was?

We gave you a pie.

And with that pie, I symbolically severed myself from you.

Yeah, I mean, it makes... it makes sense.

Lose the songwriter credits.

I mean, I still love you, but you're not getting your bunk back.

♪ Then I laughed and I said ♪
♪ Oh silly me, that's just me ♪
♪ Then I proceeded to not comb some stranger's hair ♪
♪ Never was my style ♪

[gasps]

[computer chimes]

♪♪♪

I f*cking did it!

♪ But I couldn't tell you ♪

Yeah!

♪ What the hell it was supposed to mean ♪
♪ 'Cause it was a Monday, no, Tuesday ♪
♪ No, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday ♪
♪ Then Saturday came around and I said ♪
♪ Who's this stupid clown blocking the bathroom sink? ♪
♪♪♪

Hi.

♪ All my clothes ♪
♪ I gotta say pretty pimpin' ♪
♪♪♪

[raucous cheers and applause]

Woo-hoo! Whoo!

[triumphant music plays over loudspeakers]

♪♪♪

Hey!

You gotta stop with the...

No more.

Yeah, you're right, Bill.

You always tell me the truth.

I try.

[cheers and applause continue]

Good show, dude.

[crowd screaming]

♪ I don't think I can do this no more ♪
♪ I'm only saying ♪
♪ You keep trying to break down the walls ♪