01x13 - Believe Me (Part 2)

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Angel From Hell". Cancelled after only 5 episodes, leaving 8 unaired.
"Angel From Hell" follows an angel, who acts as a guardian for another woman, forming an unlikely friendship.
Post Reply

01x13 - Believe Me (Part 2)

Post by bunniefuu »

You are not an angel.

And you will never do anything to make me believe that you are an angel.

Look out! Bus!

(horn blaring)


♪ Ah... ♪

I'm sorry.

Was there something you were saying before I so rudely pushed you out of the way of a speeding bus, was hit by said bus and survived without a scratch?

What was that?

It was something about there's nothing I could do that would ever make you believe that...

You're an angel?

That's it!

She said it, finally.


You mean “hallelujah”?

No, we pronounce it differently up there.

Well, she's of sound mind and body.

Ha. Never thought I'd say that.

Still, you should go to the hospital, have yourself checked out.

No-no, she can't be fine.

It-it's impossible.

The bus was going way too fast.

There's no way anyone could walk away from that.

She's always drunk. Chances are she just went limp and ragdolled it under the bus.


People survive crazy things all the time.

It's about two-thirds of YouTube.

Yeah, I can still do the snake.

Yeah, send her back.

I will not. Okay.

But I'm very grateful what you did to protect Allison.

No, well, the only thing I would ask in return is that I get to use you at some point in the future as a character reference.

Sure, just let me know when the trial is.

(laughs): Okay, oh, my gosh, you're k*lling me.

Um, I happily accept your offer, to be redeemed in the future, in perpetuity, no blackout dates.

Isn't every date a blackout date for you?

Marv, I cannot remember a single time I blacked out.


I still don't know how you survived that without a scratch.

I think you do.

And maybe it would help you if you were to say it one more time out loud.

Okay, uh, I think... there's a possibility that... that you're an angel.

Hello. We have a believer.


Amy you decided on bringing Gavin to the wedding?

I think it's too soon. Might scare him off.

Ooh, then you'll be free to sit next to Hank's best man, Egyed.

The Hungarian with the sloppy five kiss hello?

That guy's like a frog trying to catch flies on my face.

You'll get me back one day.

I was thinking of bring Amy as my plus one.

Oh, my gosh! Yes! Yes!

And you got me back.

She's not going to wear the vest, is she?

I will now, cowbell.

(whispers): She hears everything.

(whispering): I do.

So, two days out, how's the mother of the bride doing?


I, um, did want to give you a heads up.

I'm bringing a date.

Oh, that's great. Who's the lucky guy?

I think I might've mentioned him, my ex-boyfriend Raphael.

That's great. Yeah, and I'm not just saying to you that I think it's great and then running off and saying something different to somebody else. I think it's great.

It's a disaster.


You can't show up alone now.

No, that's why I'm thinking about bringing Brandi.

You remember her?

Flight attendant.

Favorite movie is Love Actually, I got her phone number then you slept with her the night before Thanksgiving Brandi?

Yeah, rings a bell.

Okay, just, I don't want it to be awkward for you.

Why would it be awkward?

It's great, Dad. And I'm not just saying it's great and then gonna go run a four-mile sprint around the neighborhood to work it out of my system.

I mean it, it's great.

Hi, Hank.

Oh, Brad, listen, I have something important to ask you.

Anything, bro.

It's your wedding weekend.

My buddy, Lyle, he broke his leg so he can't fly out and I know it's short notice, but do you think you could fill in as a groomsman?

I was thinking more along the lines of helping with these boxes, but I could play the part of one of your closest male friends in the world.

Thank you. You just got to walk people down the aisle, take a few pictures. No big deal.

Great. Maybe that was Lyle's plan, but I'm a full service groomsman, with eight weddings under my cummerbund.

I do it all from sheepdogging the drunk uncles away from the bridesmaids to calming the nerves of the groom on the big weekend.

Don't need that. I'm only asking because Kelly wants even numbers for the photographs.

You're nervous already.

No, I'm not.

Which is what nervous people say.

It's also what people say who are not nervous.

Don't stress out, man. You're in good hands.

All right, now, how badly b*rned do you want to get in the wedding toast?

We thinking like, “Oh, Hank is so competitive at golf” or more like, “Oh, Hank had a pregnancy scare with a Burmese prost*tute”?

Symmetrical photographs equal numbers on both sides.

That's it.

You're gonna be fine, buddy.

What should we do with the rest of our day?

Eh, here's an idea.

Now that you're a true believer...


Let's play a little game I like to call Angel Says.

Angel says go talk to that guy.

He seems lonely.

All right.


He owns tanning salons.

He's going to give me a bunch of referrals.

I'm sorry, basal cell carcinomas make me giddy.


That guy's a jackpot.

Angel says stand up.


Thank you.

Oh, I get it.


She needs a place to eat lunch.

Oh, it feels good to help people.



It feels bad to fall down.


(laughs) Gosh, why is it always so hilarious?

Here, let me help.

I got to say, believing is a lot more fun than doubting.

Oh, well, that is music to all four of my ears.


Our nips are wired for sound.

And now that you know I've yet to steer you wrong, do you agree to keep on following all my angel commands?



Angel says help me break up Kelly and Hank's wedding.


You want me to break up my best friend's wedding?

Yes, I want you to break up your second best friend's wedding.

Absolutely not.

I can't do that to Kelly.

Okay. Hey, you remember that horrible feeling you've always had about Hank, that maybe he's shady or hiding something?

My angel sources have just confirmed you're right.

I knew it. What is he hiding?

Oh, I wish I could tell you but that intel is for high-level angels only.

You don't know, do you?

I'm a field angel.

Of course I don't know.

But I do know that Kelly needs to be warned before it's too late.

Hang on.

Why is Kelly suddenly so important to you?

You don't even like her.

Shut your lying, wrong, incorrect teeth mouth.

I love that goat.

No, you never do anything unless it helps me.

So this is about me somehow, isn't it?

Allison, not everything is about you.

Angels care about all people, even a known elder abuser like Kelly.

I'm sorry, that's just what people are saying.

I love the girl.

I tried to warn Kelly about Hank and it almost ruined our friendship.

But if Hank is hiding something, Kelly deserves to know.

Look, I can't say anything without proof.

So we just dangle him off the roof, Batman style, until he squeals.

Or... we feel things out with his friends and family at the rehearsal dinner.

Angel says your plan blows.



I tried to get some dirt on Hank from his relatives, and guess what.


There aren't any here.

And you know what that means.


(quietly): He ate them all.

That last was speculation.

(quietly): Or is it?

Kelly: Allison.


You look so beautiful.

So do you.


What an incredible... dedication to vests.

Thanks, kid. Hey, this party kicks more ass than you at a nursing home.

What? It's an expression.

So, where is Hank's family?

I want to say hi.

Hank doesn't have a lot of really close friends and both of his parents passed away.

Hey, can I ask how they died and provide an alternate theory?

Hey, is that Hank talking Hungarian with Egyed?

Yeah. He's fluent.

I just found this out recently.

Hank is full of surprises.

Or relatives.

(speaking Hungarian)

Ah, and so it begins, my friend, the big day before the big day.

Brad, this is Egyed. Egyed, Brad.

Oh, hey.

Oh. Oh, and great.

Three, four, five.

I was going to go in for six, but all right.

Nice to meet you.

So, uh, how do you guys know each other?

We met at, uh, how do you say... prison.


No. Starbucks.



All right, cool crew. Loving the vibe.

Kind of bummed I missed the bachelor party now.

Oh, you didn't miss a thing.

We didn't bother having one.

You didn't get a buck's night?

Oh, no. That's... You know what? Hold on.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yep, I got it. Party's tonight.

Five hundy each, wear your funniest hat...

Thanks, but, uh, I'd rather just hit the sauna.

You know, go to bed early so I'm nice and relaxed for tomorrow morning.

Got it.

You got cold feet. Want to warm 'em up.

I'm in. Egyed, you in?


(continues): Eh...

Is it... Does he not know the word for yes?

No, no, just thought idea was, um, eh...



Hi. I wanted to introduce you to Raphael.

The fireman.

What a pleasure.

You're from Brazil, right?

That's right.

Great country. Giant Jesuses, tiny bananas.

Stunning contrast.

Raphael: Marv, watch your shoes.

Careful there.

Well, tough coming back from that.

Oh, excuse me.

Don't move.

Brandi: Hi.

Hey, I couldn't find the restrooms.

Do you know where they are?

Hey, you're going to have to hold that.

Come with me.


Oh, come on.

Oh, there they are.

Marv, am I here just as arm candy to make an ex of yours jealous?


I'm sorry, I know it's petty.

That magnificent Latin American just lifted me up out of a puddle.

Mm, tough to come back from that.


But we can try.


Think this will work?

I'm sorry, I just blacked out a little.

Come again?

All right, me and my boys are hitting the sauna.

Hey, do me a favor.

See what you can find out about Hank.

I feel like he's hiding something from Kelly.

Mm-hmm. No can do. I'm a groomsman.

You want a rat in this wedding party, hit up the ring bearer.

That little dude will do anything for a gumball.

All right, let's go, boys.

Uh-uh, not you.

I mean, it is fishy, right?

I mean, Hank has no family here, he tells zero personal stories.

We need proof and we're running out of time.

Okay, hold on. I will be right back.

(pants) Hey, I'm back.


Yeah, I paused time and I stole a key to Hank's hotel room from the front desk.

Really? You didn't get that from the maid you were chatting up earlier?

Uh, no, that is where I got this weed.

Keep moving, snitch.

Okay, listen, this is what we got to do.

We got to break into Hank's hotel room while he's out with Brad, maybe smoke this weed, and figure out what he's hiding.

Okay, this is getting a little too crazy.

Stopping time, breaking and entering, stealing drugs from service workers.

You need to come with me. Come on.


We can speak freely in here.

Corporate can't hear over water.

What is going on?

I need to break up this wedding because your future depends on it.

I knew it was about me!

Of course it's about you.

(water stops)

It's always about you. sh**t.

Listen, I'm not supposed to tell you any of this, but this entire year, every single thing that I have been teaching you has been training.

For the Olympics.

The Olympics?

Summer? Winter? Beer?


The Angel Olympics. And just for the record, we thought of that name way before the Greeks did in 2004.

The first Olympics was thousands of years ago.

Okay. Then we totally stole it from them.

Each human has one year in their life that becomes their critical year.

And how they face the challenges at that crossroads determines their whole future.

And, honey, next year is your Angel Olympics.


So, so, this last year, uh, when I got in a fight with a baby, was punk'd by an improv group, and I k*lled my brother's guardian angel, this wasn't my most critical year?

It's nothing compared to what's coming up.

Honey, if you crush your Angel Olympics, the rest of your life will be nothing less than spectacular.

Oh, I'm talking professional awards, a kick-ass family life, and, best of all, picture yourself onstage with one of those headset microphones, a smug look on your face, gazing out over a packed house, as you prepare to give your TED Talk.

TED talk?

(gasps) O...

What happens if my Olympics go poorly?

Well, let's just say 14 cats and you're not the alpha.

Oh, I hate cats.

Oh, it's mutual.

So how does breaking up Kelly and Hank's wedding play into all of this?

Kelly is destined to be integral in your life this year.

She's already my best friend. How could she be more integral?

Listen, I'm a field angel. They don't trust me with those details.

All I know is if Kelly marries Hank, she won't be there for you when you need her most, and that could be devastating for you. So, do you believe or not?

I do.

I believe.

So let's break into Hank's room and find out what he's hiding from Kelly.


Three amigos ridin' the cedar.

End of an era, huh? We're droppin' like flies out there, guys. (chuckles)

You are married, right, Egyed?

Back home, yes. Here, free.

Like farkas.

(chuckles) What's, uh...

Wolf. Yeah.


Speaking of, uh, lone farkas-es, what's up with that dude?

Hank: I don't know. He's been like that since we got here.

Kind of worried about him. He hasn't moved.

Are you worried about him?

No, not really.

I just feel like maybe we should check on him.

All right, I'll take a peek.

Just check.

(clears throat) Excuse me, sir?

Peek under the face towel.


(laughing): Oh!

(Tag Team's “Whoomp!” playing)

Surprise sauna bachelor party!

Oh, my Isten!



Oh. These are hot to the touch.

Yeah, I thought you'd get to Beer Man sooner.

Kelly says that you went to UCLA. Me, too.

Warm brewskis kind of reminds you of a Bruins tailgate, huh?

Oh, yeah.

What year were you?

Uh, '99.

2000. Oh, man, you remember Tom McNichols? Mmm.

Tom. Mm, no, I don't remember that guy.

No, that was the burger joint everybody went to.

Right. Yeah, Tom McNich... Of course.

Yeah, yeah. I wasn't a big burger guy.

No? Well, then, uh, you might not want to check under that guy's towels.

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪

Oh, my Isten!

Why didn't you and Linda work out?

Turns out we had nothing in common.

Not true. You were both picked up by hot Brazilian men.

(chuckles) You're throwing a lot of shade for arm candy.

Oh. Oh, um, two MacManuses, please.

Oh. A woman who knows her scotch. If you love the New York Mets, I'd ask you to marry me right now.

Oh, my God. I love the Mets. Yes, let's get married!

I can't believe this is finally happening!

No, no, I was just...

I'm just kidding. I don't know anything about sports, and I don't want to get married.

I'm gonna need a minute.

Wow, wow.

We have been here for two seconds, and you already have your giant Toblerone fingerprints all over this dresser.

Oh. I'll wipe it off.

With these pants.

Just stay focused and help me find something useful.

Like his wallet?

Let's see if there's any smoking g*n in here.

Hmm. (gasps)

What is it?

Oh, that's how I sneeze.



Bless you.

No, that was a gasp. I found something.

Thanks to my years of making fake IDs for kids who want to buy beer and adults who want to play in the Little League World Series, I know a fake ID when I see one.

How can you tell?

Allison, every single thing is upside down.


Oh. Must have smoked a little too much of the maid's weed.


(door opens)


(panting quietly)

(quietly): Do not eat those chips.

I'm not gonna eat them.

I'm just opening them.

Shh. Do not eat those chips.

I'm just going to eat one to test its crunchiness.

And if it's not that bad, I'm going to have the rest.



It's really loud in my head.

How does it sound to you?

Stop it.

Hank: Oh, what happened to my pants?

Oh, crap.

Crap. What are we gonna do?

We make ourselves really big.

That'll scare him off.

That's for bears.

Uh, we'll make him drink a glass of water really fast.

That's for hiccups.

Okay. I got it. Plan C. I'm gonna angel kiss him and then make him tell us the truth.

I just have to make sure I dock my tongue solidly on his brain stem.

Don't eat those chips.

What are you doing here?

Is this not my hotel room? Well, butter my jam.




Kiss me.

Get her off me!


Amy. Allison! What is going on here?!

I don't even know.

Allison, what are you doing in here the night before our wedding?

I think the question is, what are you doing in Hank's room the night before the wedding? I mean, scandalous.

Okay, what are you doing in Hank's room?

Kelly, I can explain.

Well, you better, because I'm about to lose it.

Uh, is everything okay?

Okay, Kelly, look, Amy found Hank's license, and we're just worried...

Yeah, no, this isn't about Hank. This is about Amy. I mean, I don't know what weird power she has over you, but...

Mark, can you please explain to your daughter that this woman is bad news?

Yeah, Mark, what kind of a character reference would you give me?

Well, I know on the outside it's hard to believe that these two would be friends, but the fact of the matter is Allison's had a very difficult year, and Amy was there for her.

For our whole family.

I, uh, have an announcement.

What is your entire family doing in this room?

Sorry, bro. I have to turn in my boutonniere.

This man is not who he claims to be.

(gasps) Wow.

No one says “God bless you” anymore?

I thought something was amiss when Hank didn't recognize the most popular burger joint at UCLA. So I did some diggin', and I called a girl that I used to date, Stacy.

Class of '99. She was a senior, I was just a junior.

Older girls always liked me. Whatevs.

And I asked Stacy, “Had you ever heard of a Hank Peale?”

Aren't there, like, 30,000 undergrad students at UCLA?

Thanks, story ruiner. So Stacy says, “Aren't there, like, 30,000 undergrads at UCLA”"

And I went online and I checked.

And, sure enough, looking up “Hank Peal”" and “Henry Peale,” neither went to UCLA in the 1990s.

This man is not who he claims to be, and I dated a senior.

And... he has a fake ID.

That's your weed.

Hank: Fine!


I'm 51.

(gasping) What?

I'm not 38. I'm 51.

And I'm sorry, all right?

I lied on our first date, and it just snowballed from there.

I mean, you know how these things happen.

No, I don't.

He looks fantastic.

So the ID was fake.

Yeah. Wait, okay, so if you lied about this, what else did you lie about?


Except I did take that finance job in Budapest.

And I'm originally from Canada.


We were gonna move to Hungary? And you're Canadian?

I knew that's why he hated burgers.

We have a lot to talk “aboot.”


See, Allison? She would not have been there for you next year.

You know what, let's get out of here, let Kelly and Hank talk this out.

Here's your fake ID, hoser.

Thank you.

Good morning, everybody. So... Oh.

The Joker grin is back. I take it you had another good night with Brandi?

Oh, yeah. I'm a little concerned though.

I have to give some bad news to a patient, and I'm worried this won't be gone by then. “I'm sorry, Bernie.

It's inoperable.”

I'd call him.

Allison, Amy and Brad: Yeah.

I should do it over the phone.

So, how's Kelly?

About the same as anyone who just called off their wedding, massively hungover.

She is sleeping it off in my room.

And for the record, that penis was drawn on her shoulder before I got here.

Well, I think this is for the best anyway, because she's way too good for Hank.

She's a special girl. She deserves a special guy.

Thanks, Brad. That's really sweet.

You know what you need? My hangover cure.

I'm gonna whip you up some eggs and make you an Irish coffee.

My hero.


Mmm. Yes. (chuckles)

Look at those two, getting integral together.

Oh, my God, do they end up together?

Hey, I wish I could tell you, but you just don't have the clearance.

You don't know, do you?

They tell me so little.

I want to show you something. Come here.

It's a, uh... a little congratulations gift.

Because, uh, believing is a huge step, and it should be celebrated.

Aw, you shouldn't have.


(gasps) Oh, my God.

Try it on.

This is gonna be so great for my TED Talk. Mmm.

TED Talk.

Thank you. For this and... for everything you've done for me over the last few months.

You've been a real... angel. You're incredible, Dr. Allison Fuller, and you are gonna have an amazing Olympic year.

(doorbell rings)


My name is Steven Williams. I'm looking for Amy Cass.

I-I saw her name in a police bulletin about a bus accident, and they gave me this address.

Do you know Amy?


I'm her husband.

Hey, Steve.

Things are about to get weird.
Post Reply