01x07 - Carpet Season

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Roadies". Aired: June 2016 to August 2016.
"Roadies" is an insider’s look at the reckless, romantic, funny and often poignant lives of a committed group of "roadies," who live for music and the de facto family they’ve formed along the way. The music-infused ensemble comedy series chronicles the rock world through the eyes of music’s unsung heroes and puts the spotlight on the backstage workers who put the show on the road while touring the United States for a successful arena-level band.
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01x07 - Carpet Season

Post by bunniefuu »

Milo: Previously on Roadies...

Shelli: Kelly Ann? I need you to take photos at the VIP meet and greet.

You are invited to leave the organization now.

Let me just talk to him.

woman: Oh, God! Down! Down!


Finger holds the key to our box set.

I'd like to officially welcome our band archivist, Mr. Michael Lewis Finger.

Reg: Uh, So, Janine is here.

So, how is Janine?

She's great. She's fabulous.

Should we invite her to come tonight?

Definitely not.

I think she would love that.

Christopher: You should call and invite her.

Reg: I will do that.

Bill: But no backstage.


Hi, Chris.

You're about to find out what it's like on the other side of the fence, what it's like to be used.

Why don't we table this, Janine, and...

Maybe it's time we tell your best friend about the time that you drove me home from Tulaggi's and we f*cked.

What is she talking about, Bill?

Janine: I f*cked his brains out, Chris, because I knew it would hurt you.

♪ ♪

Bill: I'm from Oklahoma, so I kind of grew up with Switzer.

He was kind of a cool coach too, but, hey, go Huskies, man. Take it easy.

Stay safe.

man: You too.

[crickets chirping]

Single car accident.

Just got to wait for it to clear out.

Go back to sleep.

I wasn't asleep.

Are there people in there?

No. The cops said when they pulled up it was empty.

I've flipped a couple of cars.

I think they're probably okay.

Three nights ago, outside that truck stop in Salt Lake, I saw a crow eat a Kentucky Fried Chicken leg.

Bird cannibalism, huh?


I didn't know that was a thing.

Well, I got a picture of it.


Okay, you shouldn't be looking at stuff like that.

Or like that.

Next truck stop, you just buy a couple refrigerator magnets.

Something real cheerful, you know?

Do you ever think that maybe this tour could be cursed?

I don't believe in that shit at all.

Yeah. Me neither.

I mean, if this tour were cursed, why would the band be playing better than ever?

Why would I have finally found us a great new special guest, after only four days of begging?

Huh? That ain't cursed.




Wes'll freak. He loves Halsey.


[The Weepies' "World Spins Madly On" playing]

Don't you sometimes feel like there's so much rage and pain out there and we're just all on this road, metaphorically...

In our case, an actual road...

Something's happening out there...

♪ Wished that I was d*ad ♪
♪ With an aching in my head... ♪

...we don't know what it is?

♪ Do you, Mr. Jones? ♪
♪ I thought of you... ♪

Had to be there.

[clears throat] Listen.

You got your whole life out ahead of you.

I mean, after the wreck.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Just blue skies for you.

♪ ♪

I'm not sure we broke all the eggs.


[phone ringing]

♪ Like make the world brand-new ♪
♪ And take the time for you... ♪


Wait a second. What?

Christopher... Christopher, hold on a sec...

Hold on a second. What's going on?

♪ And the world spins madly on... ♪

You lost what?

Bill: Is anybody else there?

I'll help you find it, and we'll figure it out.


♪ And the world spins madly on... ♪


♪ And the world spins madly on ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

Bill: Hi. Bill. Alcoholic.

Um, I have two years in July.

Uh, last night, I got a call from, um, my boss and oldest friend, who's, uh, been sober for significantly longer than I have, and he'd been drinking, and, uh, so I figured I better get myself on down to a meeting and, uh, find a chair.

So, thank you.

Uh, I'm on the road a lot, and, uh...

I'm a carpet salesman.

I sell carpet all over the country.

And, uh, I love carpet.

I've run away from, uh... [chuckles] ...pretty much everything in my life except carpet, because, uh, carpet's really the only thing that's ever given me any, uh... real joy.

Except there's this woman, and, uh, we sell carpet together.

She's married.

And nobody in the carpet company knows about us.

Well, there's this Bob Dylan song called "Property of Jesus," and it's off this album sh*t of Love.

I highly recommend the whole album.

It's a real kind of unsung classic if you like Bob.

But, yeah, in... in "Property of Jesus," he sings, "But you've picked up quite a story and you've changed since the womb. What happened to the real you? You've been captured, but by whom?"

Now, I don't know what happened to the real me.

And I don't know if we've ever even met.

But I know that when I'm with this woman, I feel like the version of me I wanted to be when I was ten years old or 12 years old.

Could have been 14, but you know what I mean.


Yeah, it's wrong.

And it's not rigorous honesty, and I feel like a thief.

But the question I keep asking myself is, you know, what if this is my one chance, you know?

What if this is my only sh*t at true happiness?

You know, don't I have to grab it?

And if I don't, what's gonna happen to me, you know, when carpet season's over?

And it's her birthday today.

And I got nothing to give her.

And, uh...

That... that's all. Thank you.

Well, thank you for sharing, Bill.

I just want to say I've never in my life heard anyone speak about carpet like you just did.

I will never look at carpeting the same way again.

Thank you.

Also, women love being asked, "How's your day going? Tell me everything."

You'd be surprised how few men ever ask their lover that question.


[indistinct chatter and laughter]

Copy that.

And copy that. Thank you.

And I'll be praying for your friend.


Bill: That's what I said. Halsey!

[all cheering and applauding]

Also, as some of you may know, the band is being photographed today for the cover of Vanity Fair by the great Abby Van Ness.

Oh, my God, she's amazing.

Bill: Very lucky to have her sh**ting the guys.

The photo area is directly backstage.

[all groan]

Bill: Yeah, no, I know it's a real pain in the ass, huh?

But you're gonna have to get over it.

Also, one more thing.

And this is very important, guys.

Christopher House's iPad has gone missing, and there are a bunch of new songs that he's been working on on there, so I'd very much appreciate if you'd keep an eye out for it.

Let me know if you see or hear anything.

And last, but definitely not least, this is a... This is a very special day, um, very special day.

[mouthing words]


We're, uh... we're in Seattle.

Bill: You're breathing some of the same air that Mr. Jimi Hendrix breathed.

Also the great Quincy Jones, Kenny G...


Hey, don't laugh.

The man's garnered over 75 million in global album sales.

Bill: Duff McKagan from g*n N' Roses, the Seattle Supersonics...

Sorry, Wes...

Pearl Jam.

Let's not forget those humble pioneers known as Mudhoney.

Phil: [shouting indistinctly]

How the f*ck do you leave out Ann and Nancy Wilson from Heart?

Didn't you know "Magic Man" is about me?

[all cheering]

Get on in here! Get you some.

God, I missed you people.

My goodness, I missed you guys.

man: We've missed you too.

Phil: There's my crew, g*dd*mn crew.

Phil: Where's my Kelly Ann?

Called me all the way into outer space.

That made my whole trip almost worth it.

Get in here, girl. How are you?

Phil: Oh, you got... You got prettier.

Yeah, oh, my goodness, I didn't think it'd happen.

[Cage the Elephant's "Always Something playing]

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪
♪ Rise to meet the sun ♪
♪ Work so hard to feed your wife ♪
♪ No time to show her lovin' ♪
♪ And in the madness of the evenin' ♪
♪ With diamonds in your hand ♪
♪ Came home an hour early ♪
♪ Caught her with another man ♪
♪ It's always something ♪
♪ Before the late night ♪
♪ Around the corner ♪
♪ There's always something waitin' for you ♪
♪ Can't hold the hands back ♪
♪ Can't make the sun rise ♪
♪ It's always something ♪
♪ You know it's always something ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ On your way back home again ♪
♪ A Good Samaritan ♪
♪ You see a man stuck in the rain ♪
♪ Stranded with no friends ♪
♪ And from the goodness of your heart ♪
♪ You save him from the flood ♪
♪ A couple miles down the road ♪
♪ He's covered in your blood ♪
♪ ♪

Bill: How could you not tell me you were bringing Phil back?

I mean, why were we kept in the dark on this?

Preston: Darling, I distinctly remember being on the phone with Shelli a few days ago, and I said that the band misses Phil.

They feel like nothing's been right since he left.

Yeah, but he never said Phil would be back.

Phil: Look, I had to pull in every possible favor to steal him back from Planet Swift, okay?

Yeah, it's okay as long as you're fine having a known embezzler head up the tour.

I am. And speaking of theft, what's this about Christopher's iPad?

He called me, hysterical.

Yeah, I know. Look. Uh...

...he's drinking again.


And writing songs again, right?

And hanging by a f*cking thread again.

Christopher is drinking again?


Preston: Bill?

Yeah, I'm here. Uh, look, Preston, I'll find Christopher's iPad, okay?

Preston: Thanks, pal. You know what we call this in Staton-House land, right?


Preston: As the House turns.

As the House turns.


Preston: Look, if he's on a big bender, we've got to protect him, so keep that f*cking photo session super short.

Got it.


Preston: And kiss and make up with Phil.

And I'll come out there just as soon as my son's strep throat clears up, so...

later, darling.



I'm gonna go try and find Chris, if he'll even talk to me.

Now, why wouldn't you let me mention your birthday?

Eh, it just didn't feel right.

And please don't get me anything, okay?

What a day.

What a day.

[funky music]

It's a brown leather Fendi suitcase.

♪ ♪

I'm... I mean, I'm in, uh...

♪ ♪

I'm in Seattle.

I'm sitting on something called a Zamboni.

I'm at the, uh, Dave...

David f*cking Grohl Dome, or whatever it's called.

I don't know.

♪ ♪

[phone chimes]

Hey. Sorry. Hang on a second.

I'm just... I'm... I'm just getting a... [phone chimes] ...text.

Shelli: Well, it's good to see you, handsome.

It's good to be seen.


I come bearing news from your husband.

He says, "Happy birthday, gorgeous."

And your present is somewhere in the stands.

Oh, wow. He, uh...

He did the treasure hunt thing again.

I believe it took some doing, getting it all set up.

Yeah. It's this really sweet thing he likes to do, just incredibly sweet.


It's just I have zero time.

Did he at least narrow it down to a section?

He did not, darlin'.

But we'll have to do something special tonight.

You deserve it.

Ah, not really. [laughs]

Reg! Um...

Shelly. Uh...

Shelli: Um...

f*ck! Uh, Phil.

[clears throat] Shelli for Bill.

Production hallway, now.



You look concerned, Pasty Boy.

Yeah, uh, uh, that... That is Janine.



Uh, yeah, she paid us a visit.

Boy, if that isn't a sign of the Apocalypse...

I mean, I love that girl, but God damn.

Phil, welcome back.

Hey, good to see you, pal.


Bring it in.


Yeah, I saw you at morning circle, but you kind of got engulfed there.

[Reg gasping]

[Phil grunting]

[Reg groans]

Hey, Phil?

Bill: Phil?

Got to let him go.


[gasps] f*ck.



Uh, yeah, so, um, as I was, uh, just trying to explain, Janine just texted me... You the famous yearbook?

Shelli: Mm-hmm.

It's gone missing.

Uh, wait. What?

Reg: Yeah.

And she thinks that we stole it from her.


First Chris's iPad. Now the yearbook.


That's the second sign of the Apocalypse: thievery and deception from within.

God, I've missed you people.

Let's go find this crook.

Bill and Shelli?

Who told you?

No one. I can just tell.

Bill and Shelli.

That's like your parents having sex and cheating on each other all at the same time.

Whew. Finally ditched the Devil Child.

It can't be true.

Shelli has this really great marriage.

I need your advice.

Which you never take.

We're in Seattle.

Do I invite Mike McCready to the show?

Wes, how high are you?

Like half and half.

No, Wes, you do not invite the guy who fired you to the show.

Just interpret this text for me, okay, 'cause it's confusing.

"Wes. Sorry. No time. See ya! Mike. Ashley says hi."

How is that confusing?

What? "See ya."

That's encouraging, right?

You always do this.

You just set yourself up for disappointment.

Well, if I don't, who will?

Okay, and when is f*ck' Halsey getting here?

Because I would love to shake her hand, marry her, and watch her play, in any order.

[ernergetic drum music]

His face has become more clear.

[surf rock]

♪ ♪

Manamana Lima.



I believe that's Italian.

Puna: A man called finger.

Hey, make a path. I've got roadies trying to move shit through here, and trust me, they will step on you and keep going.

Hi. Are you Shelli?

Uh, yes. I'm the production manager.

I'm Bethany Ian-Crouch, Abby Van Ness's field assistant.

Abby's on her way, but before she gets here, just a few basic things about the way she works.

You can pass it on to your minions.

Did you actually just say that?

First of all, Abby Van Ness will interact with only two of your crew members.

Is that okay?


When Abby Van Ness arrives, she's gonna need ten full minutes of silence when she walks in so she can feel the space and begin her process.

Okay, Bethany, let me give it to you straight.

This band is going to do a rare sound check to run through a few new songs.

Abby Van Ness will have ten minutes maximum before this sound check.

[indistinct chatter]

I was in space for less than two weeks, and suddenly Janine's back, half the band's off the g*dd*mn wagon, we have comedians opening for us, and the nice kid who ran our website's now a klepto-f*cking-maniac.

Boy, did you guys miss me.

And I still don't have my luggage.

How the f*ck are we gonna find Finger?

All we know is he lives in Tacoma.

320 1/2 Lung Street.

Yeah, Puna, how do you know that?

I have Find My iPad.

Well, good.

Got to get that.

I've been meaning to do that...

God damn it.

I've been meaning to do that for f*cking...

Hey, well, should we... should we notify the authorities?


Phil: Yeah, no, f*ck that.

No. f*ck that. Come on.

Next thing you know, Chris's demos are all over social media.

I'll get our shit back.


Yep. That's how we do it Stateside.

Phil, with all due respect, I think that maybe I should handle this.

I tell you what.

We'll go together.

I'll meet you outside in 15 minutes.

I'm locked and loaded.

Well, drive safely. Remember it's the other side of the road.

What do you mean, drive safely?

Are you f*cking insane? Did you hear what he just said?

He's locked and loaded.

Did you see that, like...

...demented grin on his face?

Yeah, that's a lot of teeth, isn't it?

He could just pull over in the middle of nowhere and [mimics g*n sound]

Truthfully, he might not even need the g*n.

He might just... [grunts] "f*ck' Union Jack.

Whoa, there, son of a bi"...

Ah, I think it's one of those things when you've k*lled a couple people, it's like sports... You just want to go for that third championship ring.





I can't go. I've got a show to do.

And I'm not quite ready to be in an enclosed space with Phil.

I have my own issues with Phil's return.

Do you really want my death on your conscience?

[Courtney Barnett's "Pedestrian at Best"]

[energetic rock music]

♪ I love you, I hate you, I'm on the fence ♪
♪ It all depends whether I'm up or down ♪
♪ I'm on the mend, transcending all reality ♪
♪ I like you, despise you, admire you ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ When everything all falls through? ♪

What's wrong?

Oh, hello. Nothing.

Just an oddly ambiguous text.

And Abby Van Ness is taking pictures, huh?

She's my favorite photographer.

She's got a tough exterior, but I don't buy it.

She couldn't take all of these incredibly emotionally potent, soul-scratching photographs without protecting an achingly beautiful, romantic heart that only a handful of people are ever gonna see.

You have something stuck in your... it's...

What? Where?

It's a piece of hay.

Oh. f*ck'...

I... I'll just, uh...

Well, you should go and introduce yourself, tell her how much you admire her work, and that you are also a photographer.

No. I don't...

Yes, you are.

You took those photos at the meet and greet.

Who do you think suggested you for that?

Who? You?

You were the spendcentric choice.

Why get some outsider when we have you here?

You did an excellent job, and I knew you would.

That's actually pretty interesting, 'cause you didn't... I mean, you could've paid me something.

Just go and introduce yourself.

No one ever got angry at a compliment.

I don't see myself talking to her.


So, what is, uh, so ambiguous about the text?

Oh, nothing. It's nothing.

Would you like me to interpret it for you?

I have to do it all the time with my brother.



"R." Full stop.

"My yearbook was stolen!" Exclamation mark.

"Before I left!" Exclamation mark.

"I'm devastated."

"There is a lot of missing." Full stop.

Which is the part...

"There is a lot of missing."

Do you think... Is that an admission?

Or a... a confession of some sort?

It's almost like a song title.

It's a typo.

Puna? Pun?

Would you mind looking at that text for me?

It's a typo.



[whispering] Hi. I'm Wes.

Welcome to the Staton-House Band family.

Hi. I heard you guys were, uh, friendly.



Uh, yes, please.

Hey, I saw you at Jones Beach in August. It was sick.

[whispering] Thanks. Why are we whispering?

I don't know. Let's stop.

[speaking at normal volume] Okay.

Dude, that crowd was f*cking falling asleep.

You h*t the stage. You opened up with "Castle," like, "Jones Beach! What the f*ck is up?"

And you destroyed that crowd.

And that turquoise wig was so cool.

You should've said hi, Wes.

Dude, I love your music.

Like, the stripped down version of "Hold Me Down." Come on.

No drums, right?

It's wicked.

Mm... are you the Wesley?

Who worked with Mike McCready?

Pearl Jam? Their guitarist.

Of course, dude. There's only one.

Oh, my gosh. I know Liz Burns. I've heard all about you.

Bethany: Shush!


Hi. Abby? I'm... I'm Shelli.

I'm the production manager for Staton-House.

I don't like daisies.


So nice to meet you too.

Uh, the band's so excited to be photographed by you.

You've... you've got a lot to do, and so do we, so, uh, let me just give you some parameters.

Everything needs to be ready before the band arrives.

When they do, you'll get ten minutes with them before their sound check.

[scoffs] I was given 20 minutes with the Rolling Stones in 1978.

I've been photographing them ever since.

I had... how long did I have with Prince?

15 months.

I had 15 months with Prince.

We ended up sh**ting him in the nude and recording the entire unreleased album at Paisley Park with me singing the lead, with Prince producing.

Can't wait for that one to come out.

Johnny Cash gave me 18 years.

We did a super f*cking emotional session the day he d*ed.

My concept...

...is the death of rock.


My band will hate it.

I'm not here to vet my ideas to the production girl.

You just did.

It's f*cking rad.


It's f*cking rad.

It's f*cking rad.

Now I want you to get the band to my set and get the f*ck out of my way.

Abby, uh, let me tell you what's gonna happen so you can use your ten minutes the best you can.

The band will claim they don't want makeup, but Tom actually does.

And Rick is gonna try to do, uh, this pose.

We call it The Cock.

Every photographer hates it. You just have to tell him no.

Chris may wander off. And none of them, I guarantee, will sit on that horse, so you might want to think of a backup plan.

Thanks for you input.

[light acoustic guitar music]

Bill: I want him to find Jen.

Phil: Their relationship is doomed.

Jen didn't survive the plague.

man: 30 miles to Tacoma.

If you're talking about d*ad Sex,
uh, I was forced to watch it when I was trapped on that bus, and I have to admit that David Spade as Harris DeSoto is f*cking remarkable.

I mean, he's like a young Anthony Hopkins Here's what I don't get.

If the plague only kills average-looking people and the sex is what saves them, then...

It's a f*cking metaphor, man!

A metaphor.

Reg: Is it?

Phil: Beautiful is average; average is beautiful.

[guitars tuning]

[playing Halsey's "Hold Me Down"]

♪ ♪

♪ My demons are begging me to open up my mouth ♪
♪ I need them mechanically make the words come out ♪
♪ They fight me, vigorous and angry ♪
♪ Watch them pounce ♪
♪ Ignite me ♪
♪ Licking at the flames they bring about ♪
♪ I sold my soul to a three-piece ♪
♪ And he told me I was holy ♪
♪ He's got me down on both knees ♪
♪ But it's the devil that's tryna hold me down ♪
♪ Hold me down ♪
♪ Sneaking out the back door, make no sound ♪
♪ Knock me out, knock me out ♪
♪ Saying that I want more, this is what I live for ♪
♪ Hold me down, hold me down ♪
♪ Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown ♪
♪ Knock me out, knock me out ♪
♪ Saying that I want more, this is what I live for ♪
♪ Hold me down now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hold me down now ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hold me down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I sold my soul to a three-piece ♪
♪ And he told me I was holy ♪
♪ He's got me down on both knees ♪
♪ But it's the devil that's tryna hold ♪

♪ ♪


[both laughing]

That's the shit.

No kidding.

No. Really, you're a badass player.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, what about you?

[both laugh, bass drum b*ating]

Who's this?

Oh, uh, this is my associate Winston, who is actually supposed to be doing his social studies.


Yeah, the usual stupid bullshit.

Hey, and no more d*ad Sex till you finish your homework.

d*ad Sex? I love d*ad Sex.

Listen, I got to get to sound check.

I-I-I can't wait to see your set later.


Would you ever...

Oh, this is f*cking crazy.

What? What?

Would you ever consider joining our band?

Wait. What? Really?

Yeah. You could play some songs with us, help out, maybe tech some too.

Wes: You're f*cking with me, right?

Halsey: Well, technically, I'm stealing you, but, listen, think about it, and we'll talk about it more later, okay?

Okay. Awesome.

[Field Report's "I Am Not Waiting Anymore" playing]

[laughs quietly]

[light acoustic guitar music]

Oh, Winston, come... Winston!

Come on, man. I...


♪ God's favorite child, bloodied from the brawl... ♪

Hey. Winston. Come...


Smaller bones in the graveyard.

Smaller bones. Copy.




Who's sh**ting?

♪ ♪
♪ I am not waiting anymore ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ I am not waiting anymore... ♪

Look out.


woman: Watch it. Watch it.



You're tripping my flash.

Oh! I'm... I'm so, so sorry, ma'am.

What's your name, dear?

It's... it's Kelly Ann.

I'm a huge fan of your work.

Your book of portraits... What it was, what it is...

It's a bible.

It's my bible of compositions and images.

Yeah. [laughs]

Oh, look, you are a budding photographer, aren't you?

Yeah, I was accepted into NYU film school, but I deferred a year... I may go next year.

Mm, how cool. May I see your work?



This... oh, well, this is probably not your best.

Uh... are you auto-focusing?

You have to work on that.

And... wait. Let me see.

This... you might want to delete this one.

And this one. And... wait... this one.

Sorry. Already did.

Oh! Upside down car.

Well, we all have to get through our upside-down-car phase.

And the obligatory bird eating garbage.

Let me guess.

Your mother gave you a camera, and you showed her some photos, and she was like, "Oh, my God, Kelly, you're so talented."

Moms lie, honey.

Yeah. I'm not sure if you're joking.

I'm not. But you don't want to be an artist anyway.

I mean, you've got this great job lifting things with all these cute boys.

And you can't even stick up for your own work right now to me, can you?

That's because you had weak parents.

Your parents were weak.

And you have no rage inside of you.

So you have nothing to say as an artist.

So, let me make this simple.

A, you are talent-free.

B, get the f*ck... out of my light.


Say it.

Say it!

A, I barely know my parents.

My brother and I were raised in a foster home.

B, all I wanted was for you to sign my book, which I have with me, because I carry it everywhere.

And now all I want to do is just burn it and... and spit in every single magazine that you have a picture in, because you're just a small person.

You just suck.

Hey, uh, quick thing. You got a sec?

Uh, that girl... you don't get to talk to her like that.

Only I can do that.

I don't care if you gave Mick Jagger a blowjob in 1975...


But if you say one more aggressively irritable or insulting thing to any member of my crew, not only will I throw you off this set without your sh*t; I will personally shove your head so far up your inflated, Pulitzer Prize-winning ass, you'll come face-to-face with that assistant you ate when you were 21.

Mm, I miss that assistant.


And I'm a Keith girl.

And if you ever come to New York, I'd really love to spend some time with you.


[old Western-inspired music]

♪ ♪


Can't just storm in there like a bunch of thugs.

He'll clam up.

Are you calling me a thug?


You want to be the good cop?

No. Reg can be good cop.

I really do not feel comfortable impersonating a police officer.

Cool your jets, boy.

I brought a little friend.

Oh, f*cking hell.

♪ ♪

Reg! What are you do...


Oh, my God. You're a legend.

I know all about your... colorful history.

Welcome back from space.

Michael Lewis Finger.


The Bernie Madoff of rock.

Where's the iPad you stole from Christopher House?

And the yearbook you took from Janine.

What? I... I don't understand. Wha...

You don't understand? He doesn't understand, guys.

Hey, I welcomed you into our morning circle.

I put my arm around you.

I compared you to Danny Sugerman.

I compared you to David Geffen.


Look. The... these accusations are bullshit, okay?

So... so, uh, just, please leave, or I will call the police.


[dark Western music]

♪ ♪

You know what happens next.

♪ ♪

Third time's not a charm.

Easy, White Buffalo.

He ain't worth it.

♪ ♪

[Halsey's "Ghost" plays on stereo]

[ambient electronic music]

♪ ♪

♪ I'm searching ♪
♪ For something ♪
♪ That I can't reach ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I don't like them innocent, I don't want no face fresh ♪
♪ Want them wearing leather ♪
♪ Begging, let me be your taste test ♪
♪ I like the sad eyes, bad guys ♪
♪ Mouth full of white lies ♪
♪ Kiss me in the corridor, but quick to tell me good-bye ♪
♪ You say that you're no good for me ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve ♪
♪ And I swear I hate you when you leave ♪
♪ But I like it anyway ♪
♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I can't find you ♪
♪ In the body sleeping next to me ♪
♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ What happened to the soul ♪
♪ That you used to be? ♪

I got Nate's bounceback in my ears.

Like, I can hear Nate the further back I go.

♪ You're a Rolling Stone boy, never sleep alone boy ♪
♪ Got a million numbers ♪
♪ And they're filling up your phone, boy ♪
♪ I'm off the deep end, sleeping ♪
♪ All night through the weekend ♪
♪ Saying that I love him but I know I'm gonna leave him ♪
♪ You say that you're no good for me ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve ♪
♪ And I swear I hate you when you leave ♪
♪ But I like it anyway ♪
♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I can't find you ♪
♪ In the body sleeping next to me ♪
♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪
♪ What happened to the soul ♪
♪ That you used to be? ♪

♪ ♪

Scott, let me get more vocal.

♪ ♪

♪ I'm searching ♪
♪ For something ♪
♪ That I can't reach ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I can't find you ♪
♪ In the body sleeping next to me ♪
♪ My ghost, where'd you go? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ What happened to the soul ♪
♪ That you used to be? ♪


man: Nice!


woman: Yeah.

man: Great.


[light acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

Jesus. Would you look at this?

♪ ♪

[Man humming]

♪ ♪

Bill: Look at all this.

♪ ♪

[chuckles] Who'd have thought?

It's like a camera I didn't know was there was photographing all my memories.

♪ ♪
♪ This hallowed ground so far apart... ♪

Phil, check this out.

Cancelled Spanish Frisbee promotion for the Alexander Street tour.

[laughs] It sure is.

Remember that?

Total bust.

The Viva El Calle De Alexander Tour.

♪ ♪

[Man humming]

♪ ♪

Bill: Look at that. Oh, there's a sh*t of me from the Suit and Tie Tour.

Reg, I wore a suit and tie every day for nine months.

How'd you get this?

Oh, you in a suit. Look.


Yeah. Every day.

2010. He never repeated the same tie.

That's Cave Hill.

Yeah. It is... you were there that day, weren't you?

I think I took that damn picture.

Bill: I think you did.

Finger: You did.

You look quite... young there.

I was.

♪ Fairest beauty... ♪

Bill: What happened to the real you?

Reg: What's that?

Just a line from a song that's been on my mind.

♪ ♪

Hey, Finger, can I keep that?

I'd like to give it to someone.

Finger: Yeah. Of course.

Reg: f*ck. Are these originals?


How on earth did you get these?

Finger: Uh, I, uh... found them in the trash outside Golden Sound Studio.

[Phil chuckles]

They sold it to developers.

So these are unreleased tracks?

That is f*cking amazing, Finger.

♪ Linking sonnets... ♪

Finger: Found the Tulaggi live tapes the same way.

The first live shows the SHB ever did.

In the trash.

Bribed a janitor.

Here it is. The yearbook.


Ooh, do you mind if I just, uh...

♪ ♪

Look. I... I'm really sorry.

But this is all your fault.

Hmm? What? Me? Wait. Me? Why?

You never should've contacted me.

You know, you never should've let me get that close.

I was fine before, but you brought me in, and I got... I got too close.

Got too close.

Icarus ascending.

♪ ♪

Here. It's Christopher's iPad.

Just take, uh, whatever you need.

Phil: We're about to.

Bill: Oh, we will.

♪ ♪

[pensive electric guitar music plays on iPad]

♪ ♪

[Woman vocalizing]

♪ ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ah, oh ♪

You know something?

Standing here and remembering something I almost forgot.

What's that, buddy?

I mean, this band gave us everything.

That they did.


That they did.

Finger: I never expected anybody else to ever stand in this room, feeling the way I feel every single day.

So, thank you.

Please, uh, don't arrest me.

We're not gonna arrest you, Mike.

Phil: Speak for yourself, there, Elton John.

Listen. We're gonna cut you a break this time.

But let me explain something to you.

A scissor cuts two ways: deep and deeper.

Now, where does your mama keep the f*cking trash bags, Finger?

Under the sink.

Wait. What did that mean?


What's going on?

Is all that graveyard stuff for, uh... what's her name?

Abby Van Ness.

Right. So, uh, did you, like, get to talk to her?



Me and you, on the same day, getting to meet people we look up to.

So cool, huh?


woman: Aaron, go to two. Barry, go to two.

Are you all right?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Hey, so, uh, I thought about what you said, and I took your advice.

That's two firsts.

Yeah, so I didn't call McCready, but just now...

Um, okay, this is gonna sound like I'm making it up, but Halsey just invited me to go on tour to tech and to play for her.

No way.

I know. Crazy, right?

I'm just... ugh.

Then Winston saw me get all excited, and I swear I saw his heart break in real time.

I think he kind of needs me, you know?

♪ Standing at the station for the 4:19... ♪

So, what... what do I do?

♪ Waiting on a reason to leave... ♪

You have to go.



Well, what about...


Uh, Winston'll have to handle it.

♪ Roll past my window frame... ♪

It... it was pretty wild, though, huh?

Me and you on the same tour.

We were driving each other crazy, though, right?

♪ Station starts to feel like home... ♪

We were?

I think it's... I just think it's a great opportunity.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

You have to go.

It'll be amazing.


♪ ♪
♪ I'd be... ♪


Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

♪ ♪
♪ Why does life never turn out ♪
♪ Like that? ♪
♪ ♪

[Jackson Browne's "Lawless Avenues playing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Finger: Drive carefully.

In those two bags is the box set of our dreams.

♪ Papa h*t him ♪
♪ Mama Kissed him ♪
♪ Made him go to catechism ♪
♪ ♪
♪ With the sisters in their black and white... ♪

Thank you.

♪ ♪

The yearbook.

Yeah. I've got it here. Yeah.

Yeah. Give it to me.

What? No!

Um, we need to give it to Janine.

Reg... [clears throat]

...I know why you're so determined to give it to her, okay?

So you can see her again.

No, I don't. What are you...

Do you really want to delude yourself this way?

She's not yours.

♪ ♪
♪ And those lawless avenues ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Hey, Reg?

Yeah? Hello.

About you f*ring me...

Listen, Phil. I did not f*re you.

Preston fired you. I was just the messenger, okay?

Well, I know traditionally they say that shit about "don't sh**t the messenger," but why not?

He's standing right there.


Anyway, I figured you were wondering whether or not I was gonna take my revenge.

Not real... Well, I mean... yeah, it might've crossed my mind, yeah.

Well, the answer's yes.


It's a mental cocktail I serve called Phil's Slow Twist in the Wind.

You won't know when, and you will never see it coming.

I've made people wait for years for the perfect revenge.

Do you ever sometimes just decide to... forgive and forget?

Well, you never know.

That's part of the twist, Double D.

One day, you could be listening to "Don't Stop Believing" on the speakers overhead, and then all of a sudden, the lights just go out on you.

Sopranos style.

But until then, me and you are good.

Okay, great.

Well, I can... I can... I can live with that.

I suppose.

It's a mood. It's a feeling.

It's... it's, uh, chaos and... and darkness, the very death of rock and roll.


You, the last great hope, surviving in the wasteland.

It's a guy in a hood.

And he's not even in the band.

What are you? Chickenshit?

Did you just call me chickenshit?

Abby: What are you gonna do about it?


Abby, you've got three minutes before the band has to sound check.

Okay, everybody position yourselves around the horse.

Makeup, hurry, please!

Christopher: No makeup. Thanks.

Tom: I'll take a little.

She just called me chickenshit.

Make sure they get your neck, man.

Yeah, get yourself together. Stop being an assh*le.

I love you too, brother.

[indistinct chatter]

Can you face the camera, Chris?


Scared, Chris?


Were you a scared little boy once?

Come on.

Turn around and give me the look that says you want to f*ck the one girl who broke your heart.

[Best Coast's "Feeling Ok" playing]

Give me the look that says you want to f*ck Janine.

Two minutes.

Chris, I need your face, love.

[upbeat rock music]

Abby: Chris!

♪ Wake up ♪
♪ You know I feel okay ♪

f*cking bullshit!


♪ It's just another day ♪

One minute.

Abby: f*ck! Did you tell him to do this?

No, it's not one minute.

Shelli: And yet it is.

Well, 53 seconds. Bethany?

53 seconds?

You didn't do your job properly.

Abby: You didn't prep the band.

♪ ♪
♪ My doctor says ♪
♪ That I should take it ♪
♪ At least I won't ♪
♪ Have to keep faking ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ Someday I'll find it ♪
♪ Where I ♪
♪ I least expect it ♪
♪ Today, I know I feel ♪
♪ Okay ♪
♪ Baby, look at me ♪
♪ With those eyes of gray ♪
♪ But I'll keep trying ♪
♪ To stay this way ♪
♪ I know it's love ♪
♪ That's got me feeling okay ♪

Shelli: Guys, we need to sound check.

♪ ♪
♪ I took my own ♪
♪ Advice for once ♪
♪ I gave it up ♪

That was the quickest ever. Thanks, Shelli.

Of course.

♪ I know ♪
♪ Someday I'll find it ♪
♪ Where I ♪
♪ I least expect it ♪
♪ ♪

Bethany: Okay, people. Great session.

I'm gonna need everybody's email addresses.

Abby's will want to write to some of you to apologize for what she may or may not have said or done.

And that's a wrap!


[rock music]

♪ ♪

Hey. Well done back there.

One sh*t.

One awesome sh*t.

♪ ♪
♪ Just like you doubt me ♪
♪ Yes, I know it ♪
♪ Just waiting to give me it ♪
♪ Just let me... ♪

Come bearing Christopher's iPad.

Oh. Went okay?

Well... [sighs]

...on the way home, we were listening to these new alcohol-fueled songs he's been writing, and, uh...

...they're incredible.


Yeah, it's like you almost wish they weren't, right?


Um, but how was your day?

Tell me everything.


Um, uh...

...Sean had someone hide a birthday gift for me in the seats.

I haven't had ten seconds to look for it.

And it's doors in five.

So I'm kind of f*cked.

Okay. We'll find it.

Uh, hey, guys?

Like, a wrapped gift, right?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Guys, keep your eyes open for a wrapped gift.

It's under the seats.

Check the balconies, okay?

I can't believe he didn't even give me a section.

Last time it was, uh, behind, uh, front of house, so...

Uh, hey, Shelli, there's something, uh...

...something I wanted you to have...

This photograph, and...



Whoa. Are you kidding?

[Isaac Gracie's "Hollow Crown" playing]

No way.

Got it!


It's beautiful.

Look at that.

Um, I have to know what it is to tell him.



It's fruit and nut. That's, um...

It's kind of an inside joke.

Well, you got it.

♪ Blinded by your light... ♪

I can't afford this stuff.

♪ Just waiting to grow old ♪
♪ She said, Love ♪
♪ I'd give you everything... ♪

Well, I have to call him.

♪ I'd give you everything... ♪

Right. Congratulations. It's nice.



Thank you. Thanks.

Of course.

♪ And I'd do anything... ♪

Shelli: Hey, you!

♪ And I'd do anything ♪
♪ To be seen... ♪

Uh, no. Yes. I just found it. [laughs]

No, I... Yeah, it's really...

They're amazing, but you shouldn't have done that.

♪ I'd do anything... ♪




Don't k*ll me.

My tour manager says that we don't have the money to bring you on tour.

You'd be surprised how cheap you could get me.

We don't even have the bus space.

I'm so sorry. I should've checked first.

You probably hate me to infinity.

Maybe for a few minutes.

You know, truth is, there's people here who need me.

I'm sure that's true.

Maybe next tour?

And tell me you'll at least jam with us tonight.

Please say yes.

If you'll do something for me.

Hey, dude, let me... Let me handle this.

Please, Wes, please.

Look, I told you, I have changed my mind.

We got you everything you asked for.

I don't care, Halsey. I'm not leaving this kid.

[whispering] Call me by my real name, Ashley.

[whispers] Oh, right, uh...

[speaking at normal volume] Ashley, it's over for now.

Wes, no! What about the... The promises, the chemistry, the future?

Another time, Ashley, okay?

I'd miss Winston too much.

I'll never forget you, Wes.


[inhales sharply]

Nor I you.

Come on, buddy.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[mouthing words]

♪ ♪


Amazing show tonight.

Closing with the first song you guys ever wrote together like a big, beautiful full circle.

You, uh...

You k*lled it.

♪ Come into the world ♪

Yeah, I felt good tonight.

♪ Oh, lord ♪

Hey, uh, Shelli?

I know how hard you work, and, uh...

...I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you. I mean... [laughs]

Christopher, are you drunk?


♪ ♪
♪ But in between ♪
♪ Is you and me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ ♪

Thanks, fellas. Thank you.

Great show, everybody.

Thank you. Good show.

♪ ♪

You were awesome with Halsey, dude.

Donna: Who knew?

Thanks. How about our boys tonight?

Wow. I mean, they were so amazing that you know what?

I think I'm gonna stay.


Yeah. Yeah.

Well, also because of money and there's no room on the bus, but...

Oh, man, that sucks.

Yeah. Yeah, that sucks.

I mean, not completely.

No, I mean it sucks that you're still here.

I didn't get rid of you.

You love me. Say it.

No. Wes!


Phil: All right. Heads up, people.

Good show tonight.

Listen. As you well know, we are slimming down for an upcoming gig.

But that's a few days away.

But right now, tonight...

[amplified] ...it is Shelli's birthday.

[cheers and applause]

Phil: So get your shit done, meet us at Dirty Tom's down the block.

We're gonna toast Shelli, and be sure to say thank you to Bill, because drinks are on the tour.

[cheers and applause]

man: Yeah, Bill!

[all speaking at once]

together: ♪ Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? ♪

Own it, bitch.

♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth ♪
♪ They say in heaven, love comes first ♪
♪ We'll make heaven a place on Earth ♪
♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth ♪

♪ ♪

woman: Yeah!

man: Whoo!

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth ♪

all: ♪ When the night falls down ♪

Hey, Tony Blair.

Hello, Phil.

What you got there?

Ordinary piece of hay.

♪ ♪



I would like to explore possible nonaggressive status with you.

Reg, I got a lot of really good people inside me.

And they like you a lot.

But I got this one really, really bad one.

And he's mad at you.

Please don't k*ll me, Phil.

Please let me live.

all: ♪ We'll make heaven a place on Earth ♪
♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth ♪

♪ ♪

I'll do what I can.

♪ ♪

♪ I reach for you ♪
♪ And you bring me home ♪
♪ When I'm lost at sea ♪

[mumbling indistinctly]

♪ And it carries me ♪

Let me buy you a drink.

No. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

Stay with us. Choose a song.

I always sing "These Days" by Nico.

Donna always sings "Cemetery Gates" by Pantera.

And Milo isn't here yet, but I put him down for "Try A Little Tenderness."

Oh, I see.

You... you want me to, um, choose a song so that you lot can make fun of my foolish choice?


all: ♪ Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth ♪

We wouldn't...

all: ♪ Ooh, in heaven, love comes first ♪

♪ We'll make heaven a place on earth ♪

I get it, though.

You should make fun of me.

'Cause I am... I'm a damn fool.

[Black Lips' "Make You Mine" playing]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ Waking up ♪
♪ And h*t the ground running ♪
♪ Eyes on the prize, we cloud our eyes ♪
♪ The river streams keep on flowing ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You're leaving town ♪
♪ It's a brand-new day ♪
♪ What was it now? You're in and out ♪
♪ While those wheels keep on turning ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I need a little loving ♪
♪ Tell me everything will be all right ♪


♪ It's only ten more miles ♪
♪ And I'm coming on home tonight ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Gonna make you mine ♪


♪ Gonna make you mine ♪

man: Whoo!

♪ ♪
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