01x02 - The Interim

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Pitch". Aired: September 2016 to December 2016.
"Pitch" revolves around a young pitcher noted for her screwball pitch who becomes the first woman to play in the league, when she is chosen to play for the San Diego Padres.
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01x02 - The Interim

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Pitch...

Matt Vasgersian: The San Diego Padres have called up Ginny Baker to start today.

Ginny, hi.


Oscar Arguella, Padres' GM.

Your teammates are excited to meet you.

Ginny: 75% think I'm the next San Diego Chicken.

The other 25 just want to see me shower.

Blip: Ginny Baker.

Get your big ol' bubble butt over here and give me a hug.

I didn't see Mike Lawson back in there.

He likes to make a grand entrance.

Total diva.

Hey. Find another scene partner.

I'm here to pitch.

Joe Buck: This is one of those moments where you'll remember where you were when you saw it.

I don't know what's happening. I just...

I just...

Okay, okay.

Get me out of the game.

She needs your help.

She quit.

You got a lot of people telling you who you're doing this for, and I wonder if it's not about time you start doing this for yourself.

You do this for you.

(cheers and applause)

Joe Buck: Welcome to the big leagues, Ginny.

We've been waiting for you.

Of course the big story today, the only story, really.

Yeah, it's Gin-sanity in San Diego.

Ginny Baker becoming the first woman in history to win a major league baseball game.

I'm not saying a word.

Uh, listen, my grandmother throws harder than that.

That's not sexist, it's factual, and Gram Gram threw heat.

And Gram Gram has a sh*t at the majors leave it to the men to try and rain on our lady parade.

There are already reports of dissention in the Padres locker room after Baker's first win.

Guess some of those big, strong men don't like the pretty, little girl getting more attention, huh?

Come on, boys, haven't you seen the movie?

There's no crying in baseball.

This L.A. road trip could not be coming at a better time.

Kimmel wants to book you: lead guest, two segments.

Jimmy Kimmel?

They've got this idea for a comedy bit, "Ginny Baker's clubhouse decorating tips."

I got to give decorating tips?

It could be funny.

You just have to tell a few jokes.

We'll talk about it on the ride up.

Ginny: I really ought to take the players' bus.

I got to be one of the guys right now, Amelia.

Ginny, look in the mirror.

You are never gonna be one of the guys.

Great movie.

Just One of the Guys.

'80s high school flick.

She pretends to be a guy, end of the movie she has to take off her shirt to prove that she's a girl.

First time I saw... boobs... I'll be quiet now.

Take the players' bus.

Okay, guys, one at a time.

Game ended two hours ago.

They're still here.


She's come a long way from San Antonio.

Announcer: Hey, sports fans.

Welcome to Wolff Stadium.

San Antonio Missions are warming up for today's game against the Midland RockHounds.

Take your seats.

We'll be starting in just a minute.

Announcer: And that's strikeout number nine for Ginny Baker.

Good win.

I keep hanging sliders.

You see the one I hung to Archer?

Oh, yeah.

This new catcher's game-calling sucks.

So, wave him off. You throw what you want to throw.

He's the catcher.

And you're the boss.

Oh, whoa.

Do you think for a second you got on that mound by following anyone else's calls?

You're just saying that 'cause you're a good brother.

I'm just saying that 'cause you're a good pitcher.

You're a cheeseball.



Amelia: Ginny?

Hey, I'm sorry, but she only does autographs for kids.

(laughing): No, no, no, I'm not... I'm an agent.

I already got an agent.

Oh, you do?

Who are you with?

Hi, Will Baker and I'm with Stay the Hell Away from My Little Sister and Company.


Hey, that was a good one, right?

Just let me buy you guys a beer.

It'll be the most important beer of your life.

I promise.

(groans softly)

You know your knees aren't getting any younger, Mike.

When are you gonna bite the b*llet and move to first?

After I get to first with your mom.

That's very mature.

So is your mom.

Guy's strike zone was inconsistent for her for the whole damn game.


Their guy's nibbling, getting calls on both sides of the plate. Us, nothing.


Another good talk, Buck.


Yeah, Skip.

My team's broke.

Look, I got pitchers taking swings at center fielders, I got a girl getting dressed in a closet, I got a pissy owner, and, on top of that, now I have psoriasis on my elbows.

So I'm gonna fix my psoriasis, you fix the other stuff.

I'll talk to the guys tonight. We'll all go out and celebrate her first win.

How's the knees?

Good, good. Yeah.

Never been better.

Good. That's good, kid.



Ginny, when I got my first win, you know what I did to celebrate?

You went out drinking with Babe Ruth.


Baker, what's your deal with men?

You a nun or what?

No, not a nun.



Sorry to disappoint, but no.


Pay up.

Stubbs goes down.

You ever, uh... you ever hook up with another player?


Between us...

(sighs) I've got a bit of a... weak spot for a certain type.

Every time I'm in a locker room with 'em...

(sighs) something happens to me.


I just get a little hot, you know, inside.

And... sometimes...

No, I don't hook up with players.


Are you out of your damn mind?

(overlapping chatter)

Light turnout.

Wonder why.

Nolan: ...howling at their sacred little tree house...

Oh, this isn't gonna help. Look who's on the tube for a change.

...to the ground. Aw.

Are the big boys on the Padres crying?

Does it get their panties in a bunch that a girl's getting asked more questions than they are?

I'm over this, boys. I'll see you at the yard tomorrow.

Guys, the facts are clear.

Two starts and one...

Anyone want another beer?

I'll get it.

I got it.

...Ginny Baker wears the pants on the San Diego Padres, and her whiny, whimpering teammates...

Hey, you mind changing the channel?

Sure thing.

...Ginny Baker isn't going anywhere.

I mean, two starts in, and this kid has a 12 ERA.

One more time?

Let's just settle down. I'm thrilled she...

There's nothing fuzzy about the facts in the Florida case.

The track star's own locker room was under renovation, so she used one of the men's empty ones, where she's as*ault by a member of the men's track and field team, who now has the nerve to call it... wait for it...

"a misunderstanding between friends."

Hey, I wonder what Ginny Baker would have to say about this.

She's in a locker room with men...

That should do it for tonight, huh?

sh*ts, anybody?


Reporter: Well, even on a travel day, fans are lining up to see Ginny Baker, as the Padres head up to Los Angeles for a three-game road trip

against the Dodgers.

Ugh! That was such a great game.

You were dealing!

Yeah, the guys love that the slowest fastball in the league gets the most media attention.

Well, Blip said you won over some of 'em last night.

I lost some of 'em, too.

Well, I'm driving up later. I'll see you then.


(grunts) So good. So good.

Stop. Hey.

Did you find it?

Not yet.

Irma might have washed it.

Washed it?

That's my slump-buster. You know it can't be washed.

Honey, calm down. You're hitless in two games.

I will find that awful, smelly T-shirt. I'll drive it up later.

No, but if it's been washed...

What, your Grandmaster Flash T-shirt will lose its magic powers and you won't make the All-Star team?

Say it out loud. Go on.

Hey. Hey!

Look at me, Sanders.

The only all-star team that matters is mine, and you're already the leading vote-getter there.

What would I do without you?

You'd die.

I will die if you don't find that shirt.

And it better smell like your mother's cookin'.

Evelyn: Okay, okay.


♪ ♪

You waved me off 17 times last night.

I didn't...

No, you did.

That's 16 times more than I've been waved off by anyone this season.

You need to trust your changeup more.

See here, I called for it, you waved it off, you got h*t.

Buck, she needs to trust the changeup more, right?


She needs to be willing to throw the fastball when I call for it, right?


Guy's a genius.

And now I'm going to L.A., where I have to see my pain-in-the-ass ex-wife who's just hellbent on ruining my life, even though we're no longer married.

She wants me to go through my things, you know, before she sells them. (scoffs)

What she really wants to do is get back together with me.

Why did God make me so damn appealing to women?

I mean, it's a... it's a curse, Baker. Really is.

Why'd you call me off?

My fastball tops out at 87. I don't always trust it.

All right. Well, you may not trust your fastball.

You need to trust me.

All right, see, same thing.

At the end of the day, Davey McGee.

He's the best guy available if you want a manager tomorrow.

Davey McGee. We already have a caveman for a manager, Oscar.

I want somebody fresh, somebody inspiring.

Somebody who doesn't drive to work using their feet to power their car.

Someone like you.

You think I hired you as my GM just 'cause you're good at your job?

I hoped so.

Well, that and you look like Spanish Superman.

I'm Mexican.


Uh, I know Al was your old skipper, Oscar, and I know that he gave you your start.

He didn't just give me my start, Frank.

I-I was a lifetime 230 utility infielder, and look at me now.

He bought me my first suit.

He's godfather to my daughter.

This is exactly why I don't like to get too close to the people that work under me.

This is why you have never been to my house for dinner.

And here I thought it was 'cause I was Mexican.

No. It is because, if I had to, I could f*re you like that. (snaps fingers)

I'm giving Al the season.

Don't get too attached.

Matt Vasgersian: ...breaking story out of San Diego, where the eyes of the sports world have been on Ginny Baker.

Al: It's about time...

This just surfacing, video from two years ago of Padres manager Al Luongo, commenting on Ginny Baker, then only a Double-A minor leaguer.

Oh, crap. Blip.

Al: Yeah, well, I hope she makes it to the show one day.

I mean, have you seen her?

Easy on the eyes.

I'm sure a lot of the guys would love to have her in the locker room.

Vasgersian: Well, the comments are obviously troubling, especially in light of the ongoing track and field incident in Florida...


Ginny, we got a little P.R. problem on our hands.

Have you seen Al's comment?

You want me to issue a statement supporting him?

We don't require it. It's up to you.

But if you'd like to...

Ginny, can I... speak to you for a minute?



You want to come out in support of a misogynist who made comments about your looks?

I told you I want to be one of the guys.

How many of the guys are being asked to make statements?

I know you're just trying to protect me, I know you're just doing your job, Amelia, but this is my life.

It's my life, too, Ginny.

When I met you, it became my life, too.

Willie: So, after our father d*ed, Ginny was pretty much doing this whole thing by herself.

Felt too big for one person, so I quit school...

You flunked out of school.

Really? Okay, fine.

I didn't make it past one damn semester.

(they both laugh)

Now you two are living out your dream together?

Eh, her dream.

My dad's dream.

Me, I'm just along for the ride.

That stadium was half full of little girls tonight.

I hear it's because you convinced the team to do a "Little Ladies Night."

A stupid idea.

No, it wasn't.

It really wasn't, Will.

Thank you.

Ginny's endorsement deal with Big Joe's Sports Apparel?

That was your stupid idea, Will.

Another round?

'Cause this is when our meeting gets really important.

♪ ♪

Man: Game one of the Padres at the Dodgers. Will Gin-sanity be too much of a distraction for San Diego?

♪ ♪

You're here early.

Got biology working against me. Need to work harder than everyone else. What's your excuse?

I'm a 36-year old catcher with bad knees.

I have to work harder than everyone else, except... apparently you.



♪ ♪
♪ Now you're strong enough ♪
♪ And every-every-every- every-every-every ♪
♪ And everybody dreams to be winners ♪
♪ I don't chase dreams, I be hunting my premonitions ♪
♪ Destiny is what you make it ♪
♪ There's no such thing as a ceiling ♪
♪ I don't believe in the limit ♪
♪ That's why my reach is infinite ♪
♪ Going just as hard as game time when we in a scrimmage ♪
♪ Victory is not a gift, you must regift it to get it ♪
♪ Earn your privilege and sprint with it ♪
♪ And those opposing will disintegrate ♪
♪ Or deal with it and that's real winning ♪
♪ Now you're strong enough ♪
♪ Was an apprentice of failure, and now I'm Obi-Wan ♪
♪ Showing y'all greatness, learned lessons from mistakes ♪
♪ Your worst mistake now is to face me ♪
♪ Look at me ♪



(groans softly)


(indistinct chatter)

Ginny. Rachel Patrick.

I got to get to work.

Look, I'm sorry to corner you like this, but I was hoping to get you on my show?

Maybe we could talk about what's happening with the Florida r*pe case?

Yeah. That feels like a big win for me.

Ginny, you have a huge megaphone right now.

Be a shame to not use it.

Really, lady?

By just being on this team, my manager may lose his job.

My teammates don't even want to sit next to me on the bus.

And you want me to comment on a sexual as*ault that happened on the other side of the country?

Yet you'll doll yourself up and go on a late night show?

Woman to woman, this girl was in your exact shoes.

No one's in my shoes.

And woman to woman, screw you for putting that on me.

You want to book me, call my agent, and she can say no.

You don't like it, tough luck. The line of people who are pissed off at me forms on the left.

Have a good day.

("Girls Just Want to Have Fun" playing)

♪ I come home ♪
♪ In the morning light ♪

What is this?

Just a little girl power.

Don't pretend like you never rocked this out in karaoke.

Who's starting today?

I am.

I picked the music.

He's being inclusive.

He's taking a sh*t at Ginny.


Shouldn't you be long-tossing?

Oh, what, you mad, Blip?


You gonna charge me, now?

♪ The phone rings ♪
♪ In the middle of the night ♪

Knock, knock.

Come in.

Are you decent, Baker?

Yeah. You're good.

I, uh...

I'm, uh...

I'm gonna read their, uh, statement now, or whatever, but, uh...

But I personally wanted to... say I'm sorry if I offended you, or, uh... made your life harder, or anything.

You did, a little.

Because I'm here to play baseball.


I have three daughters.

Just so you know.

One of them's a doctor.

Smartest person I know.

Also happen to think she's beautiful.

I don't think that's the most interesting thing about her, it's... just a fact.

I'm probably missing something here.

The world kind of passed me by when they made the Internet.

Anyway, um...

...won't happen again.

You can put on some clothes...

I'm already dressed...

♪ ♪

It was insensitive at best, offensive at worst and simply has no place in this organization.

And even though my statement was made well over a year ago, I recognize that words matter, and I apologize to those whom I offended, and particularly Ms. Baker.

So... that's that.

Now, any questions about, you know, baseball?

I have a...

Al, Al!

Your players look frustrated, there's reports of a divided clubhouse.

How broken is this team?

My team's fine.

According to many sources, Ginny is a distraction.

Well, if I can keep my trap shut, there'll be no distraction.

Geez! Guys, can we just go back to talking about how pretty the girl is?


♪ ♪

Kevin Burkhardt: We head to the eighth. Dodgers have two on, they're down one, and this is when things get interesting for San Diego. Pop fly to left center.

This will be the second out, but then the fun begins.

Sanders's throw, way off the mark, as the runners advance.

His throw is bad, that goes in the outfield.

Not done, hold on. Voorhies coming home.

Airmail time. Both runs score.

And that's really the Padres's week in a nutshell.


Yeah, Al... you're having a bad day.

And you've got to wonder now, if Gin-sanity has become a bigger distraction than this team can handle.

Dodgers win it five to four.

(cheering, applause)

Issue a statement supporting Al.


It's too soon in your career to wade into gender politics.

He apologized.

The team's falling apart because of me.

Because I walked into that clubhouse.

I can help.

I'll draft something tonight.


But she wants us to...

If she knew what was good for her, she wouldn't need me.

♪ ♪
(door closes)

I went oh-for-four, with three strikeouts.

And now I'm fielding like I'm playing T-ball.

I was there.

Where is it?


The T-shirt was... barely a T-shirt.

It was held together by sweat.

(sighs) It disintegrated in the wash.

Oh! God!

Hey, baby...

What do you always say to the boys before their games? Huh?

Contributing to your team isn't only about home runs and great catches.

Sometimes, it's...

♪ Where you take me is the right place ♪

...about moving your runner along.


♪ Do you wanna go ♪


b*ating out a double play.

♪ Do you wanna go all the way ♪

Being the most well-rounded center fielder in the game.

The best-looking man in National League.

♪ Do you wanna go ♪

National League?


(sighs) You know I have a thing for Mike Trout.

♪ Do you want to go all the way ♪

Ooh! (laughs)

Can Mike Trout do this?


(laughing): Maybe a little bit.

I believe he could, yeah.

(mocking): I believe he could!

I do! I think he could!

Evelyn: He can't do the spinny thing, though.

He can't do...



(laughing) No, he can't do that...

(indistinct chatter)

Didn't say anything awful.

He didn't say anything great.

(quietly): Yeah.

I'm gonna wait until next year to hire a new manager.

As you suggested...

I appreciate that, Frank.

And I think you'll see that this... this is where Al's the strongest, pulling a team together.

You got to let me finish my sentences, Oscar.


Al is done.

Or should I say, I'm done with Al.

Choose an interim manager, I...

I want it done by week's end.

♪ ♪

The track star's father issued a statement through his son's attorney saying, I quote, "What my son is going through I wouldn't wish on any parent."

Meanwhile, the school had no comment on the father's statement, nor did the coach.

Or the teammates of the accused.

No one... Geez, Baker, you just order one of everything?

Work hard, eat hard.


I started early.

I'm going on Kimmel this afternoon.

You're doing Kimmel?

Last thing I need.

"Ginny Baker's clubhouse decorating tips."

(chuckles) That's funny.

Yeah, those guys are good.

You think it's too soon for this.

Think I'm a media freakshow.

I should keep my head down, focus on the game.

Actually, no. I don't.

You're bigger than the game right now, rookie.

Nothing you can do to change that.

So at least use it for good.

And how, exactly, do I do that?

Well, our manager's on the hot seat, partially because of, uh, what are they calling it now, "Gin-sanity"?

I issued a statement last night.

That's weird, 'cause, uh, I can't seem to turn on the television without seeing that thing you call a face, and somehow I haven't seen a word about that.

Amelia: Excuse me.

Who's the blonde?

My agent.

Maybe my former agent.

You didn't release a statement?

No, I didn't. Come here.

It wasn't the right call.

It would have been bad for your brand.

I'm not a brand, Amelia. I'm a ballplayer.

Ginny, I didn't travel to bumble-ass Texas two years ago to sign a ballplayer.

That wasn't our deal, and you know it.

She makes two times the minor league salary with her Big Joe's endorsement.

That's not chump change.

And that deal's for how long?

Guaranteed two years with an option at three.

I'm assuming their option, not yours.


Ginny, how long till you make the majors?

Come on, what's the timetable?

The quickest possible timetable?

Two more seasons.

So, hypothetically, when you make the majors, when a woman who looks like you becomes the first woman ever to play in the major leagues, she's gonna be exclusively bound to Big Joe's Sports Apparel?

I'll get you out of that deal right now and keep you clean.

And then what?

You make me Michael Jordan?

You might want to remind yourself that my fastball tops out at 87, lady.

(chuckles) Ginny...

I don't even know what that means.

I'm not a sports agent.

I represent stars. Movie stars, television stars, the most famous stars on the planet.

And if you make a deal with me, in two years, they'll be trampling one another to get selfies with you.

Have the bartender walk you to your car if you end up staying late.

Will, we're out.

You heard her.

We out.

You clearly love her.

You clearly want what's best for her.

But, Will, you're in so far over your head I can barely see you.

(whistling softly)

(elevator bell dings)

Hey, Buck.


You free for dinner tonight?

Yeah. I'll check with Al, but I'm sure he's okay.

Actually, let's do dinner just the two of us tonight, okay?

Some things I want to discuss with you.

(footsteps approaching)

Almost done?

What was our first dance to?

I'm completely drawing a blank.

"Beauty and the Beast."


That's right, yeah.

How could I forget?

It k*lled.


Hey, could you cut Baker some slack?

Okay? With all the over-the-top feminist stuff?

The "over-the-top feminist stuff"?

Is that not what it's called these days?

(sighs) She's a big girl.

So is that why I needed to be here when you came over?

So you could tell me that?

My body's breaking down, Rach.

I don't know how many years I've got left to play.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that.

Well, you said that baseball always came first, and you were tired of coming in second.


I know that's why you left, and I know that's why you had the affair.

And I-I can't... necessarily blame you.

What if I called it a career?

End of the season, maybe next?

Would you take me back?

Mike... I'm just, uh... tired of being a life coach to these 23-year-old boys.

I'm... I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to at night.

God, I miss you.

I want my wife back.

I'm engaged.

To that guy? Yeah.


To David.

That's good.

That's good. Boy, do I feel stupid.

(forced chuckle)

No, don't. No.

No, I...


You know what, I'm just gonna have a clubbie swing by later and pick up, um, some of these boxes, if that's cool.



He'll swing by later.

Actually, he'll just take 'em all.

Uh, yeah.

It was good to see you.

I'm happy for you, Rach. This is good.

This helps.

♪ ♪

I'll see you after the game tonight.

We're going out...

Wait, is that...

Same exact one.

EBay, from the 1982 concert in Pittsburgh.

I had to drive all the way to Chatsworth to get it.

You really did all that for me, baby?

Let's be real.

b*ating out double plays is not gonna get you into the All-Star game... You need special powers.

♪ End of the world ♪


It smells just right.

Yep. I swung by my mom's house and picked up some of her pot roast.

Mm. Yeah.

♪ ♪

Sonny: Ginny'a gonna be on Kimmel.

Oh, not she's doing Jimmy Kimmel?


Oh, great, now they can, uh, read her teammate's mean tweets about her.

You know damn well you'd tweet against yourself if Kimmel ever asked your sorry ass.

Shut up.

You would tweet against yourself.

Shut up.


Let me look at you.

(whoops) Girl! Just, wow.

I'm gonna fall over in these things.


Hey. Ginny, look at me.

World leaders make fun of themselves here.

It's all good.

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

Be you.

Okay. Thanks.

Don't be silly. That's why I'm here, right?

That's why you hired me.

(camera shutter clicking)

♪ ♪
♪ Obstacles are only rocks for the climbing ♪
♪ It's a race against the clock ♪
♪ And you got the perfect timing ♪
♪ Bring the thunder so we all can catch the lightning ♪
♪ The only thing that cuts diamond is diamond ♪
♪ I've been waiting all my life ♪
♪ Just for this one night ♪
♪ To show I can do it ♪
♪ So let's get to it ♪
♪ I got the heart of a champion ♪
♪ I got the heart of a champion ♪
♪ I got the heart of a champion ♪
♪ And I will not give up ♪
♪ Give up, why, I've been fighting all my life ♪
♪ Just to get a little taste... ♪

Hey. Um...

I'm gonna head home for a little bit.

Take care of a few things, check on Mom.

What are you talking about?

You should sign with her, sis.

Will. You should sign with her.

Look... she called every local news outlet.

Story's already going viral and national, and I don't know how she did it.

So she made a few phone calls.

No, no. You're not hearing me, sis.

I don't... I literally do not know how she did that.

I can't do stuff like that.

I don't know how... to do stuff like that.

I talked with her, checked her out.

She's the real deal.

But I don't trust her; I trust you.

And you always can.


You know you're the most important woman in my life.

This woman is going to make you the most important woman in the... in the world.

What if I don't want what she wants?

Then you call her off.

You're the boss, don't you ever forget that.

You're just saying that 'cause you're a good brother.

I'm saying it 'cause it's true.

And Dad would have been so proud of you.

Of course, he wouldn't have said it.


But he would have been so very proud of you.


Don't make that face. Come here.

Come here.

(applause and cheering, upbeat music plays)

Hello, welcome back.

We good?

Kimmel: It's not every year that a woman gets to be starting pitcher for the San Diego Padres, but this is not every year.

Please welcome athlete, icon, trailblazer, and overnight sensation, Ginny Baker.

(applause and cheering, music playing)

(whistling, applause and cheering)

Well, you look fantastic.

You look much better than you do, even in a Padres uniform, Thank you very much.

As beautiful as those are.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for being here.

Wow. This has been a crazy time for you, I would imagine.

Yeah, kind of crazy.

How are you feeling?

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

You are?

I mean, two weeks ago, I was in the minors, and now, I'm on Jimmy Kimmel, and I can see myself.


Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm on the show, too, and, uh, so I can really... I have equal amounts of excitement. Yeah.

I'm sure.

You are probably the biggest star in the whole world right now.

I mean, yeah.

(applause and cheering)

Tommy: This ain't a team.

Got a problem?

Take it outside.

I'll take you outside.

(overlapping shouting)

(shouting): Enough! Enough!

(others quiet)


I'm so tired of this crap.


I'm gonna be a 30-something retiree soon.

Hell of a lot sooner than I'd like.

Love of my life is getting remarried, too.

So, so much for a family.


And you bickering idiots is all I have to show for it!


Kimmel: You're making some big changes in the Padres clubhouse.

Some decorating changes in the Padres clubhouse.

And now it's time for "Ginny Baker Redecoraker."

(applause and cheering)


The teleprompter's right there.

Um, I'm...

I'm sorry, Jimmy.

I can't talk about decorating tips tonight.

I mean, the jokes are really funny, but I just... I...

Well, now I know you're making excuses, because the jokes are not funny tonight at all, but... it's...


You know, it's exciting.

I mean, it's exciting for the audience to have you here. - Thanks.

In person to see you like this, right? Oh.

(applause and cheering)

Thanks. Um, yeah. I'm sorry.

I didn't want to make it weird about the decorating tips.

It's fine. It's okay. It's no-no problem at all. - Yeah.

Um, it's just, I'm a ballplayer... is the thing. - Mm-hmm.

And I'm just working really hard right now to be one of the guys.

Yeah. Well, sure.

Yeah. Yeah.

Our manager's in trouble, guys. Hmm?

He could get canned any day.

This is the same guy who takes the blame when we lose, when it's us who plays Hacky Sack with the baseball.

Yeah, same guy who didn't just convince Stubbs' ex not to sell their honeymoon pictures to a tabloid.

He bought 'em, all to protect his own player.

Is Ginny getting us more attention? Huh?

(laughing): Yeah. Yeah, she is, man.

Which sucks, 'cause we're losing in front of sold-out crowds.

I gave my life to this game!

Ugh. So I got a radical idea, mooks.

Hear me out here.

How about we start winning in front of sold-out crowds?

How about we start winning for Al and his job?

How about you start winning for your captain, too?

It's a weird line to draw, I guess.

Not everyone loves interior design, I guess, you know? - Yeah.

I mean, I'm a 23-year-old girl with a high school education.

How did I end up with a bunch of microphones in my face, and everyone wanting my opinion?

It seems like I'm sort of making a statement just by existing lately, so, right.

I mean, what the hell. Why not make a few more?

My manager says a lot of stupid things, and some of them are about me, but he's a great manager, and he's a really good man.

And he knows that he messed up, you know.

We're gonna shock the world.

And yeah, we're gonna do it with a pretty girl in the dugout.

Yeah, pretty girl, who, by the way, works a hell of a lot harder than you lazy losers.

So everyone can worry about some idiot comment that he made, what, two years ago, 'cause I won't be.

I mean, there's bigger things to worry about.

I mean, a... a woman...

You need a minute? You okay?



A woman's not responsible for her own sexual as*ault because she went in the wrong locker room.

That's not only wrong. It's dangerous.

We don't need to make sure that every girl goes in the right room.

We need to make sure every boy knows it's wrong to r*pe.

(applause and cheering)

So maybe...

...we all start working as hard as her.

Maybe we start acting like a team instead of a bunch of spoiled brats.

♪ Have no fear... ♪

Then maybe I'll feel lucky that you guys are all I have.

Lucky to be a Padre.

♪ Have no fear... ♪

For every last flickering minute of my damn career.

Well, thank you for being here.

You're an inspiration to so many people, and it's really a pleasure for me to have you here.

Ginny Baker, everybody.

(applause and cheering)


(indistinct shouting)

Man: Yo!

(indistinct chatter)

They're gonna f*re you.

From now on, I talk where I want to talk, I say what I want to say.

I call you off, Amelia, not the other way around.

I'm the boss.

Why does a high-powered movie agent come to South Texas in high heels to sign a minor league baseball player?

We'll try again.

We've only done two rounds.

I think I'm done, Amelia.

We can afford another round of IVF, Eric.

No, I mean, I'm done.

Having a baby is not gonna fix us.

I don't want this life anymore.

I don't want a life with you anymore.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

You just obliterated my life in two sentences, Eric.

Forgive me if I don't give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

We need to talk about this X-Men thing.

They want to do a prequel to the prequel, so I guess with, like, what, four-year-olds?

I actually think that's kind of genius.

Man: We need a kid's director, but we need somebody with an edge.

Woman: I like Robert Rodriguez. He's edgy.

MAN: Who's the guy that did The Rugrats Movie?

Maybe we could get him in here.

I quit.

I will go with you!

I came to South Texas, Ginny... because I knew you needed me.

(loud, overlapping chatter)

(laughter and chatter)

(upbeat dance song begins)

Oh, I love this song! Who's gonna dance with me?



All right, bud, I'm out of here.



♪ ♪
♪ If I'm stealing the feeling, it's all right now ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ If I'm stealing the feeling, it's all right now ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, it's all right... ♪
♪ ♪
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