03x06 - Doc Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Z Nation". Aired September 2014 - December 2018.*
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Three years after the zombie virus has gutted the country, a team of everyday heroes must transport the only known survivor of the plague from New York to California, where the last functioning viral lab waits for his blood.
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03x06 - Doc Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Z Nation.

[expl*si*n]

Tell me 10K is on that boat.

The warning sh*t. The Ender. That had to be 10K, right?

This is where the New World Order stakes its claim.

You're insane.

[hiss]

[thud]

These injectors are our boosters.

Without them, we will slowly slip back under his control.

What's the matter? You're not one of those anti-vaxxers, are you?

[glass breaking]

Warren!

Warren! Addy!

Anybody!

Where'd everybody go?

Hector!

It's me, Doc!

Oh, come on guys!

Sure, keep ol' Doc around when you need something stronger than a baby aspirin.

But I take five minutes to take care of business and...

[whoosh]

Warren!

Elvis?

[thwap]

He's still standing.

Hit him again.

Harder.

[thwap]

Man, my head.

Wow, what a weird dream. It was like me and Elvis. But... it wasn't a regular Elvis. It was like...

You.

Where am I?

Welcome to the Serenity Falls Institution for the Criminally Insane.

sh*t.

[electric guitar theme music plays]

♪ Have mercy, ♪

[three g*nshots]

♪ Oh, have mercy. ♪


[snarling]

[snarling]

group: Everyday, in every way, I'm getting better and better.

Mr. Liddy?

You have an issue you'd like to discuss with the group?

Yeah, yeah.

How do we know he's not infected? He looks infected.

Or worse, he was sent here by the government to infect us.

There's no more government, man. It's all zombies.

That is exactly what I would say if I were the government.

Mr. Liddy!

Please give our guest some space.

I'm sorry, Nurse. Sorry.

You'll have to excuse the group.

Having a new face is cause for excitement.

So, this is an asylum?

An antiquated term.

We prefer extended care facility.

And how extended are you thinking?

Cuz those zombies sound pretty close.

[growling]

[growling]

[growling]

Serenity Falls has been patient run and self-sufficient since its founding in 1905.

We will continue to maintain a high level of personalized care for the rest of their natural lives.

Be honest, I've been in worse places.

So how did I get here?

We were hunting for mushrooms when we heard you say you were a doctor.

Just so we're clear, you are a doctor, correct?

Uh, absolutely. Yeah, I got a PhD in clinical psychology, and a little side of pharmacology.

Just a little something I picked up along the way.

Prove it. Prove you're a doctor. Prove it!

I'm sure... the doctor can demonstrate his medical knowledge.

This is our regularly scheduled group therapy time, where we all try to help one another with our issues.

Convince me you're really a doctor, I'll let you out of the jacket.

Well how do you expect me to do that?

With a background in clinical psychology, a quick diagnosis of everyone here shouldn't be too difficult.

Right?

Okay. Sure.

Paranoid delusional.

Correct.

I mean of course he is.

I mean they probably briefed him on our bios before he got here.

Oh. That one's tough. Can you give me a hint?

Mr. Morgasteros experiences feelings of detachment, has social anxiety issues, and feels a lack of true identity.

Well welcome to the apocalypse, man.

You could pass for normal these days. Seriously.

I'm gonna say depression.

Possible brain damage? Maybe a little blunt force trauma?

Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel.

Hippie.

Dissociative disorder?

Time warp?

I like him.

He's a real doctor as far as the King is concerned.

Oh, oh, well then that just settles it. That just settles it If the King thinks he's a real doctor, then by all means please let the brain surgery begin.

Please! I'll just go prep the OR's! Sorry. Sorry.

Might as well say hello. There's no point in waiting for Re-Pete.

He'll never sit down.

I told you! Don't call me that!

I'm Winona. Pleasure to meet you, Doctor.

Oh, just Doc.

I'd shake your hand, but under the circumstances Oh, I get it.

How about a hug instead?

Oh, okay.

I'd hug you back, but that's all I got.

Ms. Sims.

Hey! That's my stash!

Sorry. I can't help it.

It's in my nature.

Wow, that is impressive.

Kleptomania?

Correct.

Oh, now that is strictly for medicinal use only.

OCD.

Maybe a little germophobia.

Hey, man.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe your chair is the only one that's straight and everybody else's is crooked?

That's what I've been saying all along!

Do you wanna trade? My chair's perfectly straight.

It's okay. I'll keep my chair. Thank you.

Okay.

Impressive, Doctor.

You've more than proven yourself.

Thank you.

There's just one last patient I'd like you to take a look at.

Our newest patient.

A special case.

A foundling.

He's too insane to be let in with the other patients.

Follow me.

Normally, I don't feel the need to ask for a second opinion.

But this one has exceeded my level of knowledge.

I'll be curious to hear your thoughts.

Well, what are his symptoms?

Hallucinations. Psychosis. Delusions of grandeur.

He's been slipping in and out of consciousness since we found him.

He keeps mumbling to himself about blue men and a mission to the planet Zona.

10K?

[growling]

Doc: I can't believe what I'm seeing.

10K? You're alive.

10K? You know this patient?

No. Not 10K as in a name. 10K as a diagnosis.

I'm just shocked to find a patient, with such advanced symptoms of 10K fever, is still alive.

I've never heard of 10K fever.

It's a relatively new diagnosis. It just came out in the DSM-5.

But he doesn't have a fever.

That is exactly why it's so hard to diagnose.

Tell me, have you noticed the patient counting at all?

Yes.

When he first came in, he kept rattling off strange numbers.

10K fever, all right.

The victims exhibit an obsession with counting, coupled with delusions.

[knocking]

Well, you're pretty b*at up.

But you're not bitten. Man, I'm glad to see you.

Red?

Hmm?

Red. I saw her, but she wasn't really there.

And so was 5K and Murphy. He's always there.

I can't get away from him.

It's okay though.

He makes everything okay.

Where's Warren? I need to tell her something.

Something important. I don't want to be blue.

Okay, kid. You just hang tight, okay? You rest now.

I'm gonna get us both out of here.

So you say he's been this out of it the whole time?

At first, we thought he was a junkie coming down from some strange new drug.

The mutterings, the hallucinations, the cold sweats.

And he was carrying these with him.

God only knows what home-brew concoction that poor wretch is addicted to.

It is our mission to save him.

You say he was carrying this?

So this 10K fever.

Is it contagious?

No. But I'd like to do a more thorough examination of the patient.

I'm not sure we have the time for that, Doctor.

As a potential thr*at to himself and others, I had no choice but to schedule an emergency leukotomy.

Leukotomy? You mean lobotomy?

Don't worry.

I've had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. He'll be fine.

There should be few side effects Side effects?

When Bob got here, he was just like that poor kid with 10K fever.

A mess beyond hope. And now look at him.

[cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo]

Medication time.

All right, now we're talking.

[growling]

You run a tight ship, Nurse.

Rituals are the formula by which harmony is restored.

What is that anyway?

Trail mix?

[whispering] Placebos.

Our patients might be... unbalanced, but they're not stupid.

They know what they're eating is not really medication.

Sometimes the illusion of normalcy is all we really have.

Doctor! Doctor! Come quick!

The kid with 10K is seizing!

Come on, kid.

You're not checking out on me now.

Is he gonna be okay?

Bring me my surgical tools.

A lobotomy is not gonna fix him. He needs medication.

Real medication!

Are you telling me that an institution of this size with only a half a dozen patients in it has absolutely no medication at all?

There is a fully stocked pharmacy... in the Z ward.

What's the big deal with the Z ward?

[growling]

[gasping]

[growling continues]

That's the big deal.

Shocker zombies. Patients who turned during shock treatment.

This is where they kept the worst of the worst of the criminally insane.

And?

And you have to go through the Z ward to get to the pharmacy.

Of course.

The doors are controlled by a series of locks.

Takes a sequence of three to open them.

Are you ready?

Ready as I'll ever be.

On the count of three.

One.

Two.

Wait.

[strumming guitar]

♪ Only fools rush in. ♪

Without some help.

All right.

Thanks, man.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, let's do this.

Let's do it.

Three.

[buzzer sounding]

[gagging]

Oh, no no no no no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be going all ten thousand on me.

[gagging]

Doctor!

[growling]

[thwang]

[growling continues]

[splorch]

You okay there, Elvis?

Yeah. Easy come, easy go.

The ten thousand fever dude is foaming at the mouth.

We can't wait any longer.

You stay here in the unlikely event they return.

He just, he's choking on it.

[growling]

Hey, Sparky!

[growling continues]

[electric zapping]

[snarling]

Oh, mercy.

Oh, it's a damn smorgasbord.

Oh. I'm sorry. You'll have to stay out of here.

Mesoridazine, thioridazine, lemotrigine.

You got anything for a Hunk a Hunk a Burning Love?

Use as directed.

Thanks, Doctor Hippie.

[pounding]

[pounding]

[pounding]

[pounding]

I wonder what's got her all shook up.

[growling]

Hey, Doc. We better shake, rattle, and roll.

[growling]

Make sure he's strapped down tight.

Remember last time?

We should pull his molars while we're at it.

Just in case the government's implanted them with listening devices.

Just make sure he's immobilized.

Uh-uh, okay. I'll just...

There and there. Good.

Hurry!

Get ready to unlock the door.

I have to go in order.

One.

Two.

Oh, for the love of Freud open the damn door!

Don't rush me!

When you rush me, you mess me up!

Now I got to start all over. The light switch resets it.

One. Two. Three.

One.

Two.

Hurry.

[growling]

One. Two. Three.

[growling continues]

One. Two.

Re-Pete! Hurry up!

I told you! Don't call me that!

[growling continues]

Open the damn door!

I'm thinking trans-orbital.

Sure, whatever. That's great. Yeah, let's do that.

Pity we don't have any anesthesia.

[growling]

One.

Two.

Behind you!

[growling]

This might sting a little.

[growling]

One, two, three.

Oh, for the love of Pete!

Pete.

[growling continues]

[thwap]

[thud]

[growling continues]

[smack]

Damn. You are the King.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

d*ck Nixon taught me that.

[growling continues]

Three.

[buzzer sounding]

[growling]

Lock the door.

[growling]

Your patient had another seizure.

Nurse Ratched is operating.

10K.

[growling]

Make a note in the patient's chart. He's a bleeder.
What the hell have you done?!

[growling]

What the hell have you done?!

You're here just in time, Doctor.

10K?

No lobotomy. I don't understand.

Now that we have the technique perfected, this next one should be much easier.

Prep the patient for a bi-cranial trans-orbital resection and lobotomy.

Now hold on!

This is my patient. And I accept full responsibility for him.

He can't just do that, can he? Can he?

Well I have the cure for 10K fever right here.

[rattling pills]

Well then, if you have this under control...

I do.

I'll just go check on the others.

Uh, uh, Nurse, he can't just do that.

Bob?

You okay to travel?

Don't worry, kid. I got your back.

Okay, we got clobozam, divalproex, and Diazepam for seizures.

Risperidone and haloperido for psychosis.

Hydrocodone for pain and alprazolam for anxiety.

Two for him and... a few for me.

Oh, and Dextroamphetamine.

Oh you'll like those, kid. Those are fun.

My Air Force buddies call them 'go pills.'

Try these, hippie.

Progesterone?

Mmm-hmm.

Why not?

Okay.

Hey, kid. You're not making this easy.

We got to roll him over.

Here we go, kid.

Doc's kitchen-sink-anti-apocalypse-hangover-special.

If it don't k*ll you, it'll cure you.

Doc? Doc, you there?

Kid, how you feeling?

I feel like I've been sh*t... in the ass.

Is he dead?

[snoring]

Apparently not.

[growling]

Quiet, please.

We have something special for you.

Our resident Doctor, Doctor...

Just Doc.

Doc will be dispensing your new prescriptions today.

Okay. So we got some...

Paroxetine and naloxone for you.

Hello.

Give you some lamotrigine. I think you're gonna like that.

Hey. I've got some clamipramine for you and some buspirone.

Right? Hang in there.

I'm gonna try you on a dose of Dextroamphetamine.

Or two.

Or six.

Wait, Doctor Hippie.

We got one more.

Hey, Doc.

Thanks, Elvis.

Be cool, man. They don't know I know you.

How you feeling?

Like super mellow.

You know, everybody thought you were dead.

Not me. I knew you were alive, you little cockroach. I knew it.

But how'd you survive it?

The last time I saw you, you were on that sinking submarine.

Murphy saved me.

Murphy? Are you kidding? The Murphy?

Mr. I am the chosen one so I get to act like a selfish pain in the ass Murphy?

He's not like that anymore. He's different.

Did something happen?

No. Yes.

Huh?

I dunno.

Everything's so fuzzy.

The harder I think about it, the further away it goes.

Where's Warren? Addy?

They're not here. And we shouldn't be either.

Gotta get to Warren.

Murphy's taking over. She's got to stop him.

Where is Murphy?

Spokane.

Spokane, Washington?

Of course.

He's starting a new world oder.

Hmm?

[slurring] New world older.

Nude... whole... under.

Kid, you gotta hold it together.

Look, man. We're gonna bust out of here. Okay?

And we stretch up and down.

Bend your knees, and down. Stretch to the sky, and down.

And up. And down. Winona, you can do this. And down.

You're getting tubby. And down. Just stretch, and down.

Bend your knees, and down. Don't hurt your back, and down.

It feels good, and down...

No napping.

[growling]

Oh. We can't go that way.

Look.

Yeah, I know. That barricade's not gonna hold much longer.

We gotta tell Warren. Tell her.

I know. I know.

Look. We can't just leave those folks back there.

I know it's crazy, but we got to go warn them.

Damn, I hate having scruples.

This area is out of bounds.

Well this whole institution is gonna be out of bounds when them zombies bust through.

Oh, come on, man. I thought we were friends.

Don't be cruel.

[thwap]

[growling]

[plink]

I knew it would eventually come to this.

As you all know, hospital policy is to let patients make as many decisions as possible by democratic vote.

In light of recent events, I move that we revoke all hospital privileges for this Doctor, effective immediately.

Who's in favor?

Do I get a say in this decision making process?

If they don't want to be here, we should let them go.

We were doing fine before they got here.

Releasing them isn't the answer.

Both of these men pose continuing threats to themselves and others.

She means us. She means us. I knew this. I knew it. I vote yes.

Doc: Don't do it, Winona.

It's unanimous.

So now what?

You gonna feed us to the zombies?

We were coming back to warn you.

Liar!

We're caregivers here at the Serenity Falls Institution, not murderers.

So we won't be feeding you to the zombies.

Of course, we can't let you stay among us without treating your aggression and delusions about this mission of yours.

Let me guess. Lobotomy?

I'm glad you concur with my diagnosis.

Well I want a second opinion.

I like your beard.

He means a medical opinion, sticky-fingers.

Who are you calling sticky-fingers, Mister I never met a conspiracy theory that I didn't believe.

At least I was...

[everyone yelling]

Hey, hey. Listen. If we keep sitting around here arguing, we're all gonna be zombie chow.

That barricade ain't gonna hold forever.

We need to stop The Murphy.

I can help you with those delusions.

He's not crazy.

We are on a mission.

A mission to save humanity.

The blue man he talks about, it's a guy named Murphy.

Maybe you heard of him.

His blood contains the antibodies for a zombie vaccine.

And you see, we're part of the team that's gonna get him back to the CDC.

[two people laughing]

[additional laughter]

[laughing] You really are insane.

Well, there's your second opinion.

I think we can keep them in their straight jackets for this.

Please help me get them to the floor.

Don't listen to her.

Those zombies are about to bust out of that barricade.

She's gonna get you all k*lled.

Do what I say. Now.

The only one delusional around here is you if you think you can stay here forever and be safe.

[crash]

[growling]

We don't have much time.

Mister Liddy.

Mister Washington.

Please prep the Doctor for surgery.

Do what I say, now.

You talking to me? Are you talking to me?

Cuz I'm the only one here, and the name's...

Elvis.

Was that Travis-Bickle-Elvis?

Mister Washington.

You stop this Elvis nonsense right now.

And hold that man down!

What if, what if, what if the doctor's right?

What if those things get in here?

That's just another one of your conspiracy theories!

Stop being such a bed wetter and do as I say!

You know, your ego and stubbornness is gonna get us all k*lled!

You're the crazy one!

That's enough!

I will not be disrespected! [slap]

[groaning]

I had hoped we would be colleagues, but you've given me no choice.

Hold still.

Hold still.

Hold still.

Hold...

[gasping]

[screaming]

[cr*ck]

[s*ab]

[s*ab]

[s*ab]

[s*ab]

[growling]

Okay, I got the meds.

What's the fastest way out of here?

There's a bus out back.

Well great. How do we get there?

You have to go through the Z ward.

Of course. Okay, well come on. Let's go.

Double time. Double time. Keep it tight.

Hey, I wanna thank you for what you did for me.

Blink if you know what I'm saying.

All right, I knew it. I knew it. Come on. Let's make haste.

[growling]

Doc: All right. All right. Listen up.

Now I don't care what the doctors here or Nurse Retched told you But nobody here is any crazier than the rest of the whole damn world.

You're not insane. You're survivors. All of you.

And the only way we're gonna get out of this alive is if we stick together and work as a team.

Now are you with me?

Say we do get out of here alive, where... where do we plan on going?

[crash]

Anywhere but here.

[growling]

[buzzer sounding]

Thanks, Pete. Let's move out!

Here we go. Nice and easy.

[growling continues]

[buzzer continues]

Murphy.

You sure he's not the delusional one?

I'm sure.

Come on.

I know that guy.

Shut up, you fool. You'll wake him up.

Come on, guys. Remember, we're a team. Now come on.

Keep moving. Keep moving.

[growling]

[splorch]

Shocker zombie.

Extra crispy.

Look at that poor bastard. I know I've been there.

Now tell me you don't believe in mind control.

I don't believe in mind control.

Sometimes we forget how screwed up life was before zombies.

[growling]

[buzzer sounding]

Zombies!

Where's Winona?

[growling]

Winona, get up here! Quit playing with the Zs!

[growling continues]

I always wanted a Rolex. Now I've got three.

I'm happy for you, darlin'. Now let's get the hell out of dodge!

[growling continues]

Bob?

Bob?

Bob, where you going?

Stay together, right there.

Bob?

Where you going?

Bob, you're going the wrong way. We got to go to the bus.

We're gonna go for a ride. You wanna go for a ride?

Yeah.

Liddy!

[screaming and hitting]

Liddy!

[screaming and hitting continue]

Liddy! Liddy! Stop! Stop now! Stop!

Liddy! Hey, it's dead, it's dead. You mercied him.

Oh. You really did.

I knew this zombie once.

He was my doctor.

[door opening]

[growling]

Somebody k*ll it!

Somebody already did.

Well k*ll it again!

[growling continues]

Don't panic. I got this.

[growling continues]

[growling continues]

[hissing]

[growling continues]

[electric zapping]

Everybody back! Back! Back! Back!

[growling]

[growling]

[growling]

[whistling]

[crash]

I still got the touch.

[growling]

Hee-yahh.

What's the plan, Doctor Hippie?

Once we're out those doors, just keep running till we're on the bus. Do you hear me?

Come on. Now whatever you do, just keep going.

Well there it is.

I hope she's running.

Wait!

We have to synchronize our watches.

I always wanted to say that.

[growling]

Here they come!

Go-Dog-Go!

[screaming] Hurry up!

[screaming]

[growling]

Okay, guys. Come on.

The bus, remember. Be careful. Careful.

[growling]

Get on the bus.

[growling]

Get out there. There's the bus.

Viva Las Vegas!

No! No! The bus!

Come on, guys. See! The bus!

Faster, Bob.

Come on.

Bounds!

One foot in front of the other. There you go.

Just ten more yards and you can sleep on the bus.

Doc, I don't think I can make it.

No, no, sure you can. Come on. Baby steps. Come on.

No, I can't.

Oh, come on. Not now.

All right, kid. You wait right here.

Hey, that a boy.

Straight to the bus.

Bob, give me a boost.

Come on, Liddy. We got to go, man. Here. No, take it. Take it.

Straight to the bus.

All right. Come on, come on, come on. Your fans are waiting.

I'm coming back.

Elvis has left the building.

No.

Let me try.

No, no, no, no, no.

[growling]

It's locked.

All right, we got to go.

How you feeling?

Come on. We got to get out of here. Right?

[growling]

Bob, it's locked.

[clack]

[clack]

Bob.

It's locked, Bob.

[clack]

Thanks, Bob.

Let's go. Let's go. Move it.

Come on! Come on!

[growling]

Hurry up! They're coming closer!

Let's go, kid. Come on.

No keys?

Anyone know how to hot-wire a bus?

Do you really have to ask?

[engine starting]

Hey, wait!

They're stealing the freaking bus.

Oh guys, that's just great.

Well there goes our ride.

Come on, kid.

Come on now.

You've been bit. Murphy bit you!

That's what's wrong with you.

Goddamnit, Murphy.

I'm so sorry, kid.

I'm gonna fix this.

If I have to track down that bastard and make the damn vaccine myself.

Come on.

What are these anyway?

Is that the cure?

Or is that what's making you sick?

We got to get you back to Warren and Sun Mei. They'll know what to do.

You can't tell Warren about the bite. Not anybody.

Well we have to, kid. Otherwise they can't help you.

Don't tell them. Please. I'm not like Cassandra.

I don't want them to think of me like that. I'm not one of those.

Promise me.

I don't know, kid.

Promise me.

When I see Murphy, I am gonna punch his teeth in.

[growling]

Puppies and kittens.

Come on. Come on, kid. Wake up.

[growling]

Come on. Let's go.

Hustle.

[growling]

[growling]

♪ 35 bottles of beer on the wall 35 bottles of beer. ♪
♪ You take one down, pass it around ♪

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shut up, Re-Pete!
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