01x02 - The Coach With The Dragon Tattoo

[bunniefuu]

I come from a planet more beautiful than you could believe.

We. We come from that planet.

sh**t it now or it'll k*ll us both!

April, no!

You must have got a glancing blow. You both now share April's heart.

Argh!

You leave... or I'll make you leave.

You have not seen the last of us.

Coal Hill will continue to act like a beacon across all of space-time.

You will help these amazing humans here and these amazing humans will help you.

(TARDIS whirrs)

So are we all, like, mates, then?

(Machine whirrs, locks)

It's Ram. Leave a message.

Hey, it's Tanya. Where are you?

I haven't seen you since prom.

Hey, it's April.

Just wondered if you wanted to talk about, you know, things.

Give me a call. We're all worried.

It's Charlie. I have socks. Call me.

Hey, it's me.

Call me.

Do you want to talk?

I can drop the socks off.

Please talk to us.

Ram?

Ram?

Ram!

Coach: Faster than that!

Boy: Pass it here.

Andre, go on!

Pretty lame, Singh.

Argh!

(Mutters) Jesus.

Singh, come here.

He's girlfriend's gone missing. Maybe you...

Do I look like a counsellor?

You face your demons and you conquer them.

You didn't come to do that.

I came to play, Coach.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Don't ever question me in front of the players again.

You need to lay off the roids, man.

What was that?

We're done! Go home!

(Shower runs)

You run them too hard. I wonder how much even a teenager...

Coach Dawson?

Should you even be here?

I don't want to talk about it.

Rachel's only been gone a week.

I said I don't want to talk about it.

I need to see the coach.

Tom?

(Drain gurgles)

(Roars)

(Screams)

(Drain gurgles)

(Whispers) Please don't. Not yet, please.

Please don't...

(Shower runs)

Dawson: I said go home, Singh.

(Gasps)

Did you see?

All I see is a player whose form's dropped.

Coach Carroll?

He went home.

Look, you're my best player, Singh.

But remember what I said.

I'm not a counsellor.

I look forward to getting the real you back.

But for now, you watching me shower breaks about 17 laws.

Come to play next time.

Uh... I-I will.

I'm in control.

I'm in control.

Not you! Not you.

(Low growling)

♪ What have I been waiting for ♪
♪ Been wasting all my time ♪
♪ Watching my youth slip away ♪
♪ It surely is a crime ♪
♪ We go on and on and on and on ♪
♪ Never, never knowing where, never knowing where ♪
♪ We gonna, we gonna, we gonna wake up in the morning ♪
♪ We go on and on and on and on ♪
♪ Never, never knowing where, never knowing where ♪
♪ We gonna, we gonna, we gonna wake up in the morning. ♪

Do you think they purposely forget?

Is that a human thing?

You mean all the stuff at prom?

This world was partially invaded.

We seem to be the only ones who remember it.

Coal Hill has a body count way above average. They've got to know.

And just choose not to see?

What a fascinating power.

'Fascinating power'.

Interesting words.

Do you honestly think nothing else will happen?

That nothing else will get pooped out through the bunghole of time?

That's not what we're calling it, are we?

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if nothing else ever came through the space-time thing.

You'd never get your heart back.

If it's a choice between that and people dying...

Even if something does come through, what are we supposed to do about it?

We're not superheroes.

(Sighs) Have any of you talked to him?

He won't let us.

Maybe you don't know what it's like.

Everyone I ever knew was m*rder*d.

I'm sharing a heart with the genocidal alien who did that.

(Sighs) Still...

Membrane of time?

Chasm?

Factor?

Bunghole.

What? An inspector.

Sorry, a what?

The school is being inspected, Miss Quill, and your class is part of the school, although your continuous surprise at that fact is troubling.

No.

No, I'm not a monkey to be jumping through hoops.

All teachers are monkeys, Miss Quill.

Haven't you been listening to the education secretary?

The inspector will be here today.

He's especially interested in us improving our science rating.

I'm sure you'll do us proud.

Don't show up if you didn't come to win.

Hey, how's it feeling?

Ask me again. Go on.

How's it feeling?

I'm just wondering if...

We're not friends, dickface.

I'm not part of whatever loser save-the-world crew this is.

I've got enough to deal with on my own.

You don't have to do it alone.

Ask me again. Go on.

Miss Quill: Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Abysmal.

Tell me, Ram, was there a great big window of p*rn open as you typed?

Yeah, I was spanking myself off a good one.

I had to do the whole paper with my left hand.

Don't think I won't put you in detention, Ram.

Be nice to him. His girlfriend's missing.

And he's got football practice. You can't...

Could you all just leave me alone?

I don't need anyone's help.

Sounds like such a cry for help.

(Slams door)

(Pen scratches on paper)

Surprise quiz.

(Bell rings)

Mr Dawson?

Is Coach Carroll around? I was hoping to do some extra training.

Nope. He quit on me.

I'm getting a lot of that lately.

Yeah, you see that, do you?

The way I've been playing?

Yeah. The way you've been playing.

You used to have strength, Singh.

I'll get it back.

I'll earn my place. I've got to.

(Sighs)

I know about your girlfriend. (Sighs)

But this game isn't built on niceness.

I don't want it to be.

Good.

There is no third team... if you get my meaning.

Don't screw up again. Now go.

Go!

You're going crazy, Ram.

(Clears throat)

Do you ever feel like you're losing it?

In my country I was an accountant. I already lost it. (Chuckles)

(Thudding, gurgling)

(Screeches)

(Screams)

(Screams)

(Door opens, boys chatter)

Tanya: Ram, where the hell have you been? I've been trying to...

Has something happened?

I saw something.

At first, I thought I was imagining it, like PTSD or something but...

It was horrible. Like, really horrible.

Horrible we can tell an adult or horrible we're going to have to figure it out by ourselves?

Do you have any idea what the discipline of a Nigerian parent is like?

I'll be lucky to end up in a convent if she catches me.

It was over there.

Definitely alien?

First time I just saw gore and grossness, yeah?

This time, it k*lled that woman.

She seemed really nice. She was just sneaking a f*g and that thing...

Skinned her alive.

Eugh.

You were smoking?

Are you serious?

You're an athlete.

How can you do something that stupid?

Because that's totally the issue here, Tanya.

What are we mixed up in?

How are we supposed to handle people being skinned alive?

Miss Quill's meant to help us.

Oh, yeah, her and her happy superbest sparkle team.

(Sighs)

Are we gonna go over there or are we just gonna wave from a distance?

There's nothing here, Ram. It's clean.

In fact, it's really clean.

It happened, Tanya.

And I didn't do anything. I just hid. I let it k*ll her.

Do you honestly think you could have stopped it?

You're right. It's stupid.

Stupid leg I can barely stand on.

People are dead. Rachel's dead.

(Screams)

I can't even stop a ball anymore.

You saved April from being taken by the Shadow Kin.

You might not think you can stop anything anymore, but you stopped them from taking her.

And you did that hopping on one leg.

(Sighs)

Oh, for God's sake, Ram. I'm 14. I'm not a therapist.

I'm three years younger than our entire year.

All I wanted to do is make actual friends and then this happened and I thought, "You know what..."

(Growling)

Ah! (Grunts)

What the hell are you doing?

Sorry. We thought you were...

I can't wait to hear the end of that sentence.

There's weird things about, Coach.

Are you high, Singh?

No.

Is that why your form's dropped?

What are you doing on school grounds... little-known sportsperson who I've never seen before but whose name I'd be only too happy to learn?

I doubt you're supposed to be here either.

I'm a teacher. I work here.

Is a coach really a teacher?

If I never see you again, my life will improve a good 30, 35%.

And you... what a disappointment.

(Sighs)

Get out of here, both of you.

Wouldn't want anything weird to find you.

Do not tell the others.

Ram...

Maybe I am cracking up.

This is getting out of control.

We agreed.

Fix it.

(Pen scratches)

Argh!

(Mutters) sh*t.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

(Claps) Well done.

There's no reason to lose hope about her.

She's dead.

You don't know that.

She might have run away.

Dad, just...

Just stop it! Everyone just stop with the comforting bullshit, please!

Stop trying to make me talk about it.

Mum?

Miss Quill: I think we're in terrible danger.

Paul Smith?

I couldn't find anything about him online.

At first I thought he was an evil designer of casual coats and gifts, but I guess that's somebody else because this Paul Smith, he is nowhere to be found.

Maybe he's a normal citizen. You can't look everyone up.

Oh, yes, you can.

Have you seen what this species puts about themselves online?

So much genitalia.

Did you not see his clothes?

Course you didn't.

His jacket was made this year. You could tell by the collar.

But the stitches in his trousers were at least 40 years out of date.

I looked them up.

His spectacles no curvature to the lenses. Obviously costume.

And his hands, which he uses all day for writing with, had no writing callous on the second finger.

And you're sure it's not just because he gave you a bad report?

You know what? Fine. Fine.

You and your little team, you go pretend to save the world.

I'll just stick to saving you from boring old death.

What about non Quill subjects? Maths is ridiculously easy this year.

Why aren't you trying to make me talk about it?

About Rachel?

I guess talking about it didn't do me any good.

Well, not at first, anyway.

You?

My dad d*ed almost two years ago.

A stroke.

He was fine at dinner. Just never woke up the next morning.

I didn't know that.

The point is, I didn't know what anyone wanted me to say, so I didn't say anything.

Until one day, I did.

(Pen scratches)

Who are you? What are you doing here?

(Pen scratches)

What do you keep writing?

Why don't you talk?!

Whoever you are, I am going to string you up on that wall by your b...

I don't even understand some of these swearwords.

He was purposefully provoking me.

You know I'm not supposed to get this report.

And amazingly, he hasn't asked for your immediate dismissal.

He wants to observe you again.

Maybe he likes you. Ha!

No, no-one likes me.

I like you.

You're a pain in my bottom but at least you're a fresh kind of pain and for a head teacher that's almost... marriage.

No.

No, there's a whiff around him. I'm telling you, he's evil.

He's from Ofsted. Of course he's evil.

At least try not get us into any special measures.

The governors wouldn't like it.

Charlie: But YOU didn't see anything?

Tanya: No, but HE wasn't lying.

He didn't even want me to tell you about it.

He's been really upset lately.

Maybe he just thinks he saw something.

That's what he said but people don't do that.

What are we supposed to do?

Aren't we supposed to be working this out together?

I thought we'd be like...

I don't know, like...

You are lonely.

Yeah, because that's how people talk to each other.

Tanya, we're your friends.

I only tell my friends I play violin.

You play violin?

Folk music, mainly.

What's folk music?

Meanwhile, Ram is really suffering and Miss Quill is horrible and I'm having no luck hacking into...

Hacking into what?

See? We're almost helpless. At least I'm trying to do something.

(Folk music plays)

Why do they all dance in a circle?

But this is the first time you've told us about it and it might not even be real.

The head teacher. He's your friend, right?

Mr Armitage? I wouldn't say 'friend'.

Let's ask him about the missing cleaner.

Let's at least find out how real it is.

As it happens, there was a cleaner who didn't turn up today.

Why?

(Whispers) I didn't think this through.

Was there anything weird about her not showing up?

How did you know it was a 'her'?

(General chatter)

I want 10 laps. Then I want side to sides.

All laziness will be punished.

Coach?

Thank God.

There's my own personal broken record.

I have to say I'd be surprised if any of you three were up to mischief, especially you, April.

(Scoffs) I can be mischievous.

I'm on your side.

You CAN talk to me.

I know all teachers say that but we mostly actually mean it.

OK. You're probably not going to believe this but...

April! What?!

We can't just...

(Dramatic chords)

(Rustling)

Can't just what?

Sorry, but you're out of chances.

Coach, have I ever questioned you?

No. That's because I want to learn.

I want what's best for me, Coach.

I need to be on the team. That's who I am.

(Rustling)

(Dramatic music, rustling)

(Dragon snarls)

Get out! Run!

Dragon: Where is Anger?

Where is Anger?

Is there a Happiness, maybe?

(Mr armitage screams)

Maybe you could give me some tutoring.

I could... I could get my form back. Get better.

I've always respected you.

Even when you've been a total d*ck.

(Screams)

(Dragon snarls)

Ahhhh! (Wails)

(Snarls)

(All pant)

(Rustling)

You know, Ram, maybe this is the universe's way of saying sport isn't for you.

Now, go home.

(Snarling, rustling)

But there was blood everywhere.

We... we weren't making it up.

No, no, of course you weren't.

Young people never play pranks on authority figures.

Hey.

The Doctor said you're supposed to help us. You're my protector.

Yeah. Don't I know it.

But who's mine?

We really are on our own.

(Sinister music)

You're in control.

You're in control.

(Computer trills)

When did you know the time was right to start talking?

(Computer trills)

April: (Over computer) Hey.

I talked to my brothers, which I didn't expect, but...

But they knew, 'cause the same thing happened to them.

It wasn't like big group hugs or anything.

We'd play Xbox and Jarvis would say, "Do you remember how bad Dad was at this?"

And Damon would say, "Yeah," and I'd say, "Yeah."

And then we'd laugh and keep playing.

It'd be a little better.

Not a lot but at least a little bit.

I miss her.

I know.

All I see when I close my eyes is her dying.

I just saw Mr Armitage being skinned alive.

What do we do?

You're the prince. You tell me.

You've seen genocide, you've seen monsters.

You saw it? Why didn't you say?

I've been trying to tell you all evening.

You wouldn't answer.

Tanya!

Charlie and April saw it too.

We were all there.

We've all been doing the same thing.

Again.

(Computer trills)

Oh, hold on. That's Tanya.

Hey. Come round.

Enough, April.

You saw it.

Um, yeah.

It was...

What did it look like?

Show him the drawing.

Wow. That's really good.

That's what k*lled the cleaner.

Have you seen it before?

Charlie?

I haven't seen every alien.

The universe is unimaginably big.

Would it be in that database you're hacking, Tanya?

Hacking isn't as easy as people think.

But you were smart enough to write it.

That's very clever.

I, um... downloaded it from Reddit.

Oh, sh*t.

Others: What?

Show me that again.

Cover its head with your hand.

Of course!

Of course! You idiot!

I know where we gotta go.

No Matteusz?

Grounded.

Whatever that means.

Ah, come on, Tanya.

"Oh, please, Quill, help us with a skin-peeling dragon. We're just little arses of smart who don't even know what evil looks like."

(Door shuts)

Not unhandsome buttocks.

When you make your aggressive move, and you will... then you'll regret ever thinking you could inspect Miss Quill.

Oh, for God's sake, what do you want?

Really?

Finally!

Can I just stress again how much more I'm risking than any of you?

My mum would punish God if he snuck out.

We're all here.

What do we do?

We find Coach Dawson.

Who's Coach Dawson?

Yeah.

We're all on the same team.

(Mia's yala plays)

Ooh! You have no idea how alone I am.

Oh!

I'm trapped here. I literally... I can't leave.

(Gasps)

And I quite like the headmaster.

Not that anybody asks.

(Zipper unzips)

So maybe you're perfect for me.

Somebody who won't ask any of me at all.

(Crash!)

(Snarls, growls)

They weren't kidding.

(Roars)

It's a tattoo. What is?

The picture you showed me. The coach has a tattoo exactly like it.

No, the thing we saw wasn't a tattoo.

Neither was the thing I saw.

But we're all here now and it's time to do something, right?

That's what you all want. That's what this is supposed to be.

We're supposed to deal with what comes through.

(Bag drips)

There's no going back to the life before.

So let's go find the coach.

Is that him?

Oh, my God.

Is that...

Mr Armitage?

(Dragon roars)

(Pounding rock music)

(Music stops)

OK, what's the plan?

So we came here without a plan?

Why am I not surprised?

I've got a plan.

(Pounding rock music)

(Dragon snarls)

Ahh!

(Snarls)

OK. I... I'm out of ideas.

Maybe not.

Sorry.

(Growls)

Charlie: So, what are we talking about here?

A sentient tattoo? An alien tattoo?

It comes off his body. It kills people.

Skins them.

You mean this one?

(Snarls)

(expl*si*n)

He was a robot.

Oh, damn.

I don't know what exactly is going on.

I know you're right in the middle of this.

Ask yourself what you want more, Singh.

Do you want to be wrong?

Or do you want to be right?

I used to look up to you.

I did.

You used to push me. You made me better.

You were the right kind of scary.

But now...

You're not afraid?

No.

I AM afraid. I just... I just realised that.

But I'm going to kick your arse anyway.

(Glass shatters)

Quill: Uh!

I have to get it to att*ck you!

What?

It's the only way I can fight it.

(Growls)

I don't think it's the one on his body, Ram.

No, it's not the one on my body.

That's her mate.

And the inspector?

He was a robot.

Alright, fine. I get it. It's only Quill.

Who cares if she kissed a robot?

You kissed him?!

Oh, right. Yeah.

Now you're listening, aren't you?

You can't have her.

You can never have her. She's mine.

What did you do?

I was nothing.

I was weak.

Even the players didn't respect me.

One day I felt her burnt into my skin.

(Snarls)

(Groans)

Some sort of accident when she travelled here.

But she was trapped on me, on my skin.

Suddenly I had dragon blood running through my veins.

I was bigger, stronger.

And then her mate came looking.

(Thumps)

I knew he'd never do anything to risk her harm.

There is a price.

Her mate has to k*ll to provide blood for her to drink.

That's how they feed.

She's trapped in me. There's no other way.

But I have it under control!

(Snarls)

I'm sorry that you've all seen so much.

k*ll them.

(Snarls)

Don't worry. I get it.

Quill fights the death so you can all live.

You're just going to take that?

Tanya: Now would be a great time for that plan, Ram.

He doesn't have any choice.

He needs my skin intact or she dies.

And if you don't k*ll these kids right now...

(Growls)

(Roars)

You're going to do this forever?

You're going to grieve forever?

Ram, no!

She is trapped.

You didn't say it could talk.

Yeah, sorry.

So, she's trapped.

Maybe you'll never get her off his body.

That's the new reality. What are you going to do about it?

At least I've been fighting this arsehole. What have you done?

Let him set the rules for you?

I'll harm her.

You know I will.

You won't k*ll her, though.

Otherwise you'll k*ll him.

So it's a stand-off.

Why does it have to be a stand-off on your terms?

(Growls)

Don't you know what we do with skin in this world?

Have you never heard of leather?

Leather. No, no, no, no, no.

Make a chair out of him or something.

Maybe you'll never have her back the way you want.

I'll never get Rachel back either.

But at least you'll have her.

Maybe you can find a way to make the new reality work.

I'm done.

k*ll me. Skin me.

I don't want to keep seeing the things I've seen.

I don't want the future to keep feeling impossible.

Or don't.

I don't care.

It's your life.

(Growls)

(Gasps)

(Roars)

No, no, no, no. Wait.

I swear... No!

Quill! Quill!

(Squelch!)

Ahhhh!

(All gasp)

Charlie: We did it.

We stopped the dragon.

'We'.

Tanya: Is this what we do now? We k*ll people?

April: Well, he did k*ll a lot of other people.

And that makes it OK?

Quill: I'm OK with it.

That's not really proof.

And we still have no idea what that was.

So we're just as blind and stupid as we was before.

Well, we still did it, though.

We stopped it.

Just thought it would feel better.

Oh, Ram. Ram, wait.

We k*lled somebody.

We k*lled a bad guy.

Charlie, I don't think I want to k*ll anybody.

Not even bad guys.

Can't we just send them back through the bunghole of time?

Please say we're not calling it that.

(Both chuckle)

So is no-one going to ask about the robot?

Tanya: Wait!

Jesus, Ram.

You meant what you said?

You didn't care if it k*lled you.

But it didn't.

It left me with the rest of my stupid life, didn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it did.

You're still not going to make me talk about it, are you?

Lift back to your house?

(Melancholy violin music)

(Phone buzzes)

(Thump!)

(Thump!)

(Thump!)

(Thump!)

(Thump!)

Is it a physical thing, son?

Because we can check with the doctor.

Dad.

Can I talk to you about something?

Don't have to believe it.

Don't have to believe any of it.

But it's what's been happening.

A rip in space and time?

Dragons? It's what I've seen, Dad.

Hey, hey, son.

(Sighs, sniffs)

Look, um...

Do you remember when I used to line up the balls for you?

(Chuckles) You were so small you used to fall over them sometimes.

(Laughs)

(Sniffs)

But you got better.

(Groans)

The Governors.

Now, who might you be?

(Phone trills)

(Slithering)

Ram: Come on, Tanya. Where are you?

(Slithering)

(Slithering)

(Door creaks)

Tanya: Daddy?

Two streets up then left.

(Wails)