01x05 - Wingman

[bunniefuu]

Who in washroom?

Oh, just customer.

I told you, no more customer using washroom. Too much cleaning!

I can't tell them no.

It's basic human right.

When you have to go, you have to go.

Fine. I tell them.

(SCOFFS)

We really appreciate you letting us use your washroom.

Do you have something to say to these nice people?

Thank you.

Do you have something to say to nice people?

Yes.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye, bye!

(SIGHS) I get mop.

Little boy is a pee sprinkler.

So what if he get some pee on the floor?

One time I find pee on ceiling!

How you do that?

Maybe light go out, he get scared, confused...

Doesn't matter.

(SIGHS)

Washroom is basic human right.

Everyone need washroom!

Hey, where's your can?

Out of order. Try next door.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Mr. Chin.

Aren't they just the most adorable things you've ever seen?

Not my size.

They're pajamas for my dog, Ginger.

Mr. Chin.

When you had a photo taken with Ginger, it was cute.

I like one when you both is cowboy.

But, at the time, I say nothing.

Then when you take Ginger on Valentine trip to Niagara Falls, again I say nothing.

I tell you Ginger catch a squirrel there?

Yeah. You tell everybody Ginger catch a squirrel.

Now you're buying her doggie pajama?

You should be buying pajama for woman.

Human woman.

Actually, there is a woman...

Okay, now we talking. Who?

Her name is Illyanka.

She cuts my hair.

Illyanka? What's that?

Ukrainian?

You krainian.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Good one.

Illyanka is from Russia.

She's so beautiful.

Okay...

She tells me she goes to martini bar with her best friend every Thursday night.

She inviting you?

I don't know.

Maybe.

What she say?

She say, come with me and my best friend to martini bar on Thursday night.

Okay! Mr. Chin, you in like Flynn.

But it's two women.

Very awkward.

And besides, China-Russia diplomatic relation is very sticky right now.

Hmm...

So...

Maybe South Korea get involved.

Oh, Mr. Kim!

You would be my wingman?

I will be the Goose to your Tom Cruise.

But what about Mrs. Kim?

It looks like a double date, don't you think?

Don't worry about Mrs. Kim.

I wear pants too.

Sometime man have to do what a man have to do. Mmm?

(CHUCKLES)

(EXCLAIMS)

What you doing?

Washing dishes.

Is my birthday?

Relax. You working too hard.

Oh, Appa.

While you here, I just remember, me and Mr. Chin go out for dinner tomorrow night.

Okay.

I wants to tell you before, but it's so not important, I forget to tell you...

Before.

What kind of dinner?

What? Mr. Chin and me is having dinner.

You wants to know what we ordering? What's problem?

Appa.

Appa what?

Appa.

(SIGHS) Okay.

It's no big deal. Hmm.

Mr. Chin wants to introduce me to his friend Illyanka.

Hmm?

And she have a friend too.

Oh! Secret double date, Appa.

Sounds like a Korean drama.

Go to bed. And it's not secret.

Any more.

And Umma you're okay with Appa going on a double date?

It's not a double date! Stop changing story.

Sound like double date to me.

No, I just helping Mr. Chin get a single date.

Then no problem if I come too.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, it's no problem. It's just...

I think you two would have a great time with Mr. Chin and his two dates.

Yeah. I could use big night out.

I'm coming.

But Mr. Chin...

Will have to change reservation.

And don't worry. I'll watch the store.

(GASPS) This is so exciting.

Tomorrow night we go out dancing!

Who say anything about dancing?

I do! (GIGGLES)

Go to bed.

Good night.

(SIGHS)

(SPRAYS)

(SNIFFING) Mmm...

I love that smell.

Why you not wear every day?

Because in two weeks, you'd hate that smell.

Only for special occasions.

Mmm...

What are you wearing?

My best shirt.

That's you old shirt.

Yah, my old best shirt.

Classic Appa. (CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Wow.

Uh, lipstick.

Hair.

Act now before it's too late.

Put on your old best shirt.

Whoa, look at you guys...

I know. Appa's so shiny.

Oh, new leak?

No.

Same leak. New place.

Don't worry. I'll call a plumber.

(SCOFFS) Just throw money out the window.

Plumber's a big-time rip off.

Appa, come.

Stop.

Janet, get tool belt. Appa get a ladder.

I'll deal with it.

Go have fun.

We're already late.

Okay. But if you call plumber, you pay.

I won't call a plumber. I can handle a little leak.

Thank you, Janet.

Okay but if you call, you pay!

Go! Bye!

(PHONE VIBRATING)

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Jung, your phone.

Okay, the usual, two sugars and a little bit of cream.

Thank you.

So, are we getting a full day for the holiday?

While you were getting the coffee, I think you got another text.

Yeah, it's just my sister.

Full disclosure, I kind of peeked.

Mm-hmm.

Full-full disclosure, I kind of read a bunch of her texts, and it sounds like there's an emergency.

It's just a drip. There's always a drip.

It's fine. She can take care of it.

Are you sure?

Shannon, I appreciate your concern, but with all due respect it's a complicated history.

You mean when you were 16 and you stole money, and you fought with your father, and you've never been back to the store since?

Oh, I think you mentioned it at one point.

And I may have talked to Kimchee about it.

Anyway. I really think you should answer it.

(GIGGLING)

He's funny.

Oh, Illyanka, you have such beautiful hair.

Thank you.

Yeah, I always wonder, does a hairdresser cut their own hair?

No, Natalia does it for me.

You know, when my husband say he want haircut, the barber say, "Which one?"

(LAUGHTER)

Sorry, Mrs. Kim doing so much talking.

She not go out in long time.

Well, if she go home with Illyanka, instead of me, you never be my wingman ever again.

(LAUGHING)

So...

This is very nice fabric.

I bet you it's made in China.

Don't take bet.

Nowadays, the only thing not made in China is baby.

That's not true.

Baby is made in Va-China.

(LAUGHING)

Va-China!

It's funny. I had no idea Koreans were so funny.

I had no idea vodka was so delicious.

To vodka!

Vodka!

Come, Mr. Chin!

It's a good time.

Tell you what, we let you buy us all dinner.

Great, now we owe China $6 billion and dinner.

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

Oh, so you did get my text messages.

Yeah, sorry. I had work.

Are Appa and Umma are really on a date?

Yup.

Place hasn't changed much.

It's like a time capsule.

Here.

Yeah.

Let's see.

(GRUNTS)

What? What'd you do?

The same thing you did but harder.

Hey...

Remember when you got stuck in the cooler?

I remember when you locked me in it.

Is that how you remember it?

That's how it happened.

Nah, we had that game, from the show.

The...

Gummi Bears?

Right, and you really believed...

Oh, God, what was that yogurt drink Umma made us drink all the time?

Yogeoteu?

Yogeoteu!

Hold up...

Is "yogeoteu" just the Korean pronunciation of yogurt?

Oh. It's like you're getting smarter.

You're the one who thought it gave you super powers.

I was four.

Still you believed it.

And you told me to stick you in the cooler and you'd escape. So I did.

Then you forgot I was in there.

I didn't forget.

What?

Appa saw me putting you in the cooler and he tore a strip off my ass.

I should go.

Hey...

Umma made some gori gomtang.

You want me to heat some up for you?

Gori gomtang, huh?

There's yakbap, too.

Sure.

Oh. Don't steal anything.

Hilarious.

You is terrible wingman.

You not supposed to be helping the Russians sh**t down Tom Cruise.

What you talking?

I keep you out of flaming cockpit.

You bring your wife.

She hogging all the talking, but she got no skin in the game.

Defend me from your wife's insult.

Talk up my many qualities.

Okay, okay.

I will be better wingman.

How could you be worse?

I said okay!

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

Hands on the counter!

Open the cash and give me the money.

Got it.

Hurry up!

(BUTTONS BEEPING)

Hey, I only got...

It's okay, it's just my sister.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone.

Only if I get what I want.

Can you open the till?

The big button.

Hit tax first.

There's only like 50 here.

Appa made the deposit before dinner.

50 bucks?

Hey.

I'll give you 50 bucks for the Kn*fe.

What?

You came in here selling a Kn*fe. I bought it.

I paid 60 for the Kn*fe.

I've got, um...

15.

75 for the Kn*fe.

65.

65, what do you say?

That was the most stupid thing I've seen you do.

And I've seen you do a lot of stupid things.

He could've k*lled you.

He was just a kid.

With a Kn*fe.

In his hands, this is not a Kn*fe.

It's just a bit of flash meant to intimidate.

Drop the w*apon!

211 in progress. Requesting backup immediately.

You don't like his beard?

Oh.

This is a miracle.

Most Korean men, they cannot grow beard.

But this land is fertile.

Well, we can't all be handsome.

That's why I am so jealous of Mr. Chin.

Especially, his, uh... Uh...

His hand.

Have you look at his hand?

His hand?

So smooth...

Like a grape.

What you talking?

Ah, smooth hand. But not smooth like girl, smooth like... marble statue.

Strong marble statue hand.

Why you say marble hands?

I just saying I have nice beard, Mr. Chin has nice hand.

But you said hand like raisin.

No, I say hand like grape.

Maybe face like raisin?

Why do you say that?

My face is very smooth.

That's what I say about your hand.

That they're like grapes.

Oh!

Because they're sweet?

No.

Oh!

Good for making wine.

Oh!

(LAUGHING)

You not understand.

Because you're not making sense.

Look. We have same size hand.

Aw...

So cute.

No. No. No. No. Look, look, look.

Mine is little bit bigger.

Just big enough to hold baby bottle.

(LAUGHING)

He didn't buy the guy's Kn*fe so he could rob me with it.

Guy was waving a Kn*fe at her.

I'm guessing lovers' quarrel.

Both: Ew!

Janet?

Yeah?

Oh, my God.

It's me, Alex.

Hey! Face on the floor.

Sorry.

You know each other?

Yeah. Alex Jackson. I was your brother's friend.

Hey, Alex.

Oh, my... Are you kidding?

What are you doing down here?

It's not what it looks like.

He claims he talked a kid with a Kn*fe down, and then bought the Kn*fe from him.

You bought the Kn*fe from the guy?

That's what happened.

He was just a kid.

Didn't have a clue what he was doing.

All right. I think we're okay here.

Hey, if you want to vouch for him...

Yeah, we go way back.

I'll write the report when we get back.

That's all I really wanted to hear.

I'll see you back at Division.

Sorry, bud.

And, yeah, I'm gonna take this with me.

All right.

Get over here, man.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

You owe me one.

Thanks.

But it's not like I didn't save your ass before either.

Yeah, right.

Want a drink or something?

Oh. Says the guy who doesn't work here.

Yeah, sure.

Me too.

Hey.

Hey.

Check, check, one, two...

(MIC FEEDBACK)

What happen?

We was having good time.

What happen is you have too many vodka-tini.

This is our one night out.

Let's have fun.

You don't need me to have fun.

You having plenty fun all by yourself.

Come. Sing with me. Huh?

I'm not asking.

Look at all the song they having.

Cher!

Cher need her Sonny Bono.

No.

Chin: (OVER MIC) One, two.

♪ They say we're young ♪
♪ and we don't know ♪
♪ We won't find out... ♪

C'mon...

Cher should think before she make fun of Sonny Baby Bono hands.

Time to go.

Come on!

We're about to start.

Come, come.

Oh...

(CHEERING)

♪ If you see a faded sign ♪
♪ At the side of the road that says ♪
♪ 15 miles to the ♪
♪ Love shack ♪
♪ Love shack, yeah ♪
♪ I'm headed down the Atlanta highway ♪
♪ Looking for the love getaway ♪
♪ Headed for the love getaway ♪
♪ I've got me a car it's as big as a whale ♪
♪ And we're headed on down to the Love Shack ♪
♪ The love getaway ♪
♪ I've got me a Chrysler As big as a whale ♪
♪ So hurry up and bring your jukebox money ♪
♪ The Love Shack ♪
♪ Is a little old place ♪
♪ Where we can get together ♪
♪ Love shack, baby ♪

You called from my dad's car to ask if you could borrow my dad's car.

It was in the beginning days of ride sharing.

Anyway, I'm going to get some of that yakbap to take home. You want some?

I don't know what yakbap is but, yeah, sure.

So, you guys still live here.

I still live here.

Upstairs. He doesn't...

...live here any more.

It's a long story but my dad and Jung aren't exactly on speaking terms.

Ah...

I remember you.

I remember you, too.

It took me a second, but your face...

Your eyes haven't changed a bit.

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

What's happen?

Mr. Kim, I'm Officer Jackson.

There was an attempted robbery here earlier tonight.

Janet, are you okay?

I'm fine, Appa.

And we only lost 50 bucks.

Only 50?

You catch steal?

No, he got away.

But your daughter and your...

No!

No. Just me.

I was going to say your daughter and yours truly were just chatting until I knew everything was safe.

(EXCLAIMS)

I should never leave store tonight.

Appa, where's Umma?

Last time I see her she is in Love Shack with Mr. Chin and two Russian hair stylists.

Okay, I'll be in touch if anything turns up.

Yes, please do...

Be in touch.

If anything turns up.

Okay, okay, thank you.

See you.

Okay.

What's wrong?

No, no, no. Nothing.

Then go. Serve and protect.

I'll see you.

Okay, I'll let you know how everything turns out.

Appa: Okay, see you.

So...

Hmm.

How what is turning out?

What?

You tell him, "how it's all turning out."

What's turning out?

It's just a saying, Appa.

You fix leak?

I did.

And I didn't call anybody.

Okay.

Okay, Appa, here we go.

(LOUDLY) Climbing up the stairs. Right now.

Why you yelling?

I don't know.

(YELLING) No reason!

Janet.

Are you sure you're okay?

I could make some more tea.

I'm fine, Umma.

Really.

I love you, Janet.

I love you too, Umma.

Sleep. Hmm?

See you in the morning.

Good night.

Good night.

♪ They say we're young and we don't know ♪
♪ We won't find out until ♪
♪ We grow ♪

(SIGHS) No.

♪ Well, I don't know if that's all true ♪
♪ 'Cause you got me ♪
♪ And, baby, I got you ♪

Too late.

♪ Babe ♪

Too low.

♪ Babe ♪
♪ I got you babe ♪
♪ I got you babe ♪

Both: ♪ They say our love ♪
♪ Won't pay the rent ♪

(CHUCKLES)

I don't think they're going to be sleeping for a while.

Think they'll do the whole song?

I'd go now, if I were you.

Already gone.

(DOOR OPENS)

You look like you is a...

Dutch.

I am Dutch.

How did you know that?

I can tell.

You Japanese, bud?

No.

You look Japanese.

No!

Yeah, you look like that guy in The Last Samurai.

Tom Cruise?

Yeah, I don't know.

Huh.