02x06 - Love is Not Linear

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Blunt Talk...

Margaret: I would like to get together sometime and we can talk drought all you want or we could raid your wine cellar.

It's a dog cowl. I'm wearing it to help me focus and not obsess about you.

Oh, good, because during this break...

Uh, okay.

I got drunk at the fundraiser last night and this older woman picked me up.

I left you a gift on the desk.

I'm not a prost*tute.

You are now.

Who's Evelyn? Why did she write "That was money well spent" and send you pictures of her feet?

Gisele, I'm so sorry.

We did nothing wrong!

I know, baby. Just please get down.

LA needs water and this man Rudolph controls too much of it.

Look into the death of a councilman named Wadsworth in 2001.

He was pro water recycling.

[quietly] I think he was m*rder*d.

♪
♪ Blunt ♪
♪ Talk. ♪

Three, two, one.

Welcome back. Next up, recycled water.

Municipalities across the US have been slow to embrace this technology including drought-stricken Los Angeles.

But LA could become a role model for the rest of the nation when a vote to activate a dormant recycling plant goes to the council floor in 10 days' time.

And here to discuss recycled water is UCLA hydrologist Dr. Larry Simon.

Dr. Simon, welcome to Blunt Talk. Thank you, Walter.

Now, the main problem with recycled water appears to be one of perception.

That's right. There's been a lot of negative propaganda.

And all sorts of demeaning and hurtful and nasty slogans.

You mean like "Toilet to Tap"?

Yes, that... that's one of them. Uh.

Please try not to say it out loud. Please.

Is that a cold sore on his lip?

Oh, my God, you're right.

If he went down on me right now, that oral herpes would turn into genital herpes immediately.

So who is behind this propaganda?

I'd say companies whose water reserves would lose value.

Corporations who invested in overpriced technology like desalinization.

They are working tirelessly to k*ll a water source that is not only safe, but also essential for our survival.

Tell me about desalinization.

Its carbon footprint is enormous.

Its waste water is toxic.

And it privatizes for profit a public resource.

Only the rich will be able to drink.

Those are strong words, Dr. Simon.

Which is why I brought this.

Oh, is that what I think it is?

Mm-hmm, it sure is.

This is recycled water, fresh from our forward-thinking neighbours in Orange County.

And, you know, I'm actually a little thirsty, so I'm gonna have some if you don't mind.

[gags]

[coughing]

Oh, are you all right?

Dr. Simon?

What's going on, Celia?

Whose idea was a stupid water bottle?

I don't know. This wasn't what we prepped.

It's true. This isn't Celia's fault.

Please don't say my name out loud.

Walter: Are you okay?

Simon: Wrong pipe.

Good. We hate losing our guests on the show.

[laughs] Oh, yeah, I... I think I was just too eager.

Uh, this is all so important.

I... I would like you to try some.

It's... it's wonderful. This is the future.

Please.

No, no, no, don't. Don't. Don't.

Don't be afraid.

You can do it. Come on, don't worry.

This water has undergone micro-filtration, reverse osmosis, UV light with hydrogen peroxide treatment.

That is the best bottle of water in LA.

Drink it for America, Walter. Drink it for the world.

Drink it for all of the thirsty children.

[all groan]

Jesus.

Shelly: God!

[Martin groans]

Very refreshing.

We'll be back after this.

Ew.

He's got herpes.

He just got herpes.

I think it would be better to... to sterilize externally rather than internally. You just...

Look, I may have exposed myself to a cold sore, but I think we got out some important information tonight.

Yes, but a little bit of drought goes a very long way, Walter.

What is the latest with Jimelia?

Rosalie: They're not speaking.

Jim was mistaken for a prost*tute and had a brief affair, but he made some good money.

Well, th... that sounds like news to me. Have them update all social media.

But, Bob, drought coverage is essential.

If LA falls into civil unrest because of water shortages and price gouging, it will have national implications.

Good, I like disasters.

But you know what I really like is that Shelly Tinkle.

Put her on-air again. She's playful, sexy, electric.

"This is Shelly Tinkle doing her thing."

Gather the team. I want to find out what they've done with the Duncan Adler information.

Autoerotic asphyxiation?

Are you sure, Shelly?

That's what this old chat forum is saying.

"Councilman Wadsworth's sex play death taints his progressive legacy."

So Cornelia's friend and this politician Wadsworth d*ed in the same way?

That's hardly a coincidence.

Why do people need to hang themselves when they masturbate?

Can't you just hold your breath?

It's what I do.

So, Duncan Adler could have been right.

Maybe Wadsworth was m*rder*d because he was pro Toilet to Tap.

Martin, what about the Wadsworth autopsy?

I've been looking, but I can't find it anywhere online.

Martin, not everything is online.

You go with Shelly to the coroner's office tomorrow, get a hard copy.

Celia, what about the widow?

She's living in Calabasas. I'm talking to her tomorrow.

Excellent.

Take Jim with you.

What?

Excellent idea, Walter. Jimelia will be all over it.

In the meantime, I have a date with Margaret Rudolph.

Between that and tonight's segment, let's see if that brother of hers and Rudolph Global show themselves.

Is it weird to go on a date with an ulterior motive, Walter?

Martin, all dates have ulterior motives.

You should know that by now.

I know, you're right. Uh, I don't know what I was thinking.

Have a good time.

How long was your nap today, sir?

Approximately 20 minutes, Harry. Maybe 21.

Try to be more exact tomorrow, sir. Ooh, damn it!

An approximate time is more than sufficient for the logbook, Harry.

It's not that, sir. Herschel during his period of service made a complete mess of the log.

"Today, Walter had a good bowel movement, but I didn't. Yesterday, I had a good one, but his stool was hard. Each day we shift. It's kind of beautiful, but I still miss my mom."

Uh, he didn't enter time of day or mood, what you ate...

Oh, drop it, Harry. I need you to focus on what is important.

Which tie do I wear?

I feel indecisive and ethically conflicted.

Eschew the tie, sir, and change the shirt.

Why the ethical conflict?

Martin was right.

I'm not sure that I feel comfortable having ulterior motives.

You have to remember the purpose of the mission, sir.

You're doing this for Cornelia and for the story.

For love and for work.

Yes, you're right, Harry.

Oh, God, it's good to have you back.

But, um, how's the Sylvia pain?

It's like there's an actual tear in my heart, sir, but I hope we'll always be friends.

Maybe you'll be more than that.

Love is not linear, Harry.

It often returns.

[quietly] Yes, sir.

I better go and check on the bourguignon, sir.

I, uh, put your Swedish raincoat in your left pocket, sir... just in case.

[chuckles]

This is one of yours, Harry.

♪

I don't want you to feel guilty, Martin.

We can just be friends.

I don't think that works for me and you, Rosalie.

So I'm going to ask Rosalie Number 2 if we can be open, like you and Teddy.

She's not a normal girl. She might go for it.

That's good. Honesty is always the best, but keeping your mouth shut also works.

Rosalie, you're up.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[applause]

This first song is for my beautiful Martin.

♪

♪ Beautiful dreamer ♪
♪ Wake unto me ♪

♪ Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee... ♪

[whispers] Excuse me.

Thank you, Harry.

Mm, that was delicious, Walter.

I often hate food and feel disgusted by it, but not tonight.

Yes, Harry is a wonder in the kitchen.

Do you ever cook?

Oh, good Lord, no.

My culinary skills end at the fish finger sandwich.

I have no idea what that is, but it sounds provocative.

Like your show tonight.

You were watching?

I told you you were my favourite news anchor.

True. In that case, I apologize if it offended you in any way.

Why would it offend me?

Well, I assume since you gave a fundraiser for Sandler, that you are for desalinization over recycling.

Los Angeles is my city.

I'm for anything that helps us with this endless drought.

Hmm. And what about your brother?

I wouldn't know. We haven't spoken in years.

How about you give me a tour of this beautiful house of yours?

[crickets chirping]

So much bath time.

[footsteps]

I thought we would switch to champagne.

Okay, um, but let's finish our wine first.

It's so good.

It tastes like a barn stall, which I love.

[clinks]

I hope this all wasn't too fast for you.

Oh, no, it was lovely.

I hope I wasn't too fast for you.

Oh, no, not at all.

You're a very hard worker in bed.

Thank you.

Anyway, I always feel that once you get sex out of the way, you can find out if friendship is possible.

Most people would see it the other way around.

Well, I've never thought like most people, which has gotten me to where I am now.

And where is that, exactly?

Into bed with Walter Blunt.

[distorted] Where is everyone?

[rings]

Hello?

[beeping]

Jim, darling.

[screams]

♪ It's a damn tough life full of toil and strife ♪
♪ We whaler men undergo ♪
♪ And we don't give a damn when the deal is done ♪
♪ How hard the winds do blow. ♪

Celia, what are you doing here?

I'm working on the drought.

Am I worthy of Jim's love?

And if I am, should I forgive him?

I can't answer these things. Go back to work.

You're not good enough!

[heart b*ating]

[squeaking]

[gasps]

[screams]

[gasping]

[groans] Oh, God.

[groans]

Oh!

[hoarsely] Harry.

Harry!

[sighs] C... Celia, please.

Just try to forgive me, please.

We have to work together.

We have to talk to Wadsworth's widow.

I know I... I shouldn't have slept with Evelyn, but to be fair, we hadn't established any ground rules for the break.

Oh, God, I can't take the silent treatment.

My dad used to do it all the time.

He tried to break me of picking my nose and it did not work.

All right.

Does it help that I was paid to have sex?

I mean, there were no feelings involved...

No, it doesn't help that you were paid!

It was hubris, Harry.

I thought I could play her, but she played me.

She was so brazen... and beautiful.

Yes, sir.

I can't believe she slipped you a mickey.

And she... she must have lied to me about her brother.

But the logbook, sir.

Why would she take it?

My life's work!

They must want something on me.

Harry, what in the logbook is incriminating or humiliating?

Everything, sir.

Both: One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb w*r.

Oh.

Oh, really? You want it?

I want it.

I win.

You lifted your hand. You cheat every time. There's something wrong with you.

Here you are.

Hi. Thank you.

Thanks.

[rings]

Excuse me. Um, there's no autopsy report in here.

That's strange.

Yeah.

Well, sorry about that.

You must have a copy on your database somewhere. Can you check?

Oh, I can't. We're in the process of digitizing our files, but we're only up to 1998.

Your Mr. Wadsworth d*ed in 2001.

Um, okay, as a taxpayer, I'm very upset.

I expected more from the coroner's office.

Let's go, Martin.

I plan to die in a different county.

We really appreciate you meeting with us, Mrs. Wadsworth.

Well, you're lucky. I almost cancelled.

I slept like sh*t. I had this terrible nightmare.

Really? Maybe it's a full moon. I had a nightmare also.

You did? What... what was it about?

Oh, God, Lovie farted!

I hate you, Lovie. I hate you.

I like Lovie's little dog cowl.

Well, she's a neurotic, gassy mess.

If she didn't wear it, she'd eat her own paws.

Right, but I bet she's pretty focused.

So, Mrs. Wadsworth, we'd like to ask you some questions about your late husband William.

We were curious about how he passed away.

What about it? I mean, the poor bastard choked himself to death.

Is that what you really think happened?

Why wouldn't I?

Well, we found this interview with you from the LA Daily News.

This... do you remember it?

No.

In it, you say you thought his death was very suspicious.

I was in denial about his perversions.

He was a pervert. His main thing was feet.

Yeah, that's disgusting.

If a woman wore open-toed sandals, he was like a sailor on leave.

It was a sickness.

Uh, there's one thing I wanted to ask you about, Mrs. Wadsworth.

When your husband d*ed, you bought this house for... for $4 million.

That's quite an upgrade from the condo you shared in Canoga Park.

Well, Bill had very good life insurance.

Really? That paid out on autoerotic asphyxiation?

You know what? I would like you both to leave now.

[barking]

Yeah, we should go. Yeah?

Please.

Got to go.

[barking]

She drugged you?

Did she violate you down below?

No, nothing like that.

She stole the logbook, Rosalie.

I'm so sorry, Harry.

Thank you.

Having that hydrologist on last night, so close to the vote, really made them show their fangs.

I'm concerned, Walter. I think it's become too personal.

I know it's for Cornelia, but...

No, Rosalie, this is bigger than my feelings for Cornelia.

Rudolph Global wants to take out water recycling the way that General Motors took out the trolley car.

We can't let this happen. We won't let this happen.

I can't believe this is happening!

Are you really telling me there is no way I can get hold of this autopsy?

The only person who might have a copy is Wadsworth's widow.

I'm afraid she's a dead end, Walter.

Yeah, someone paid her a lot of money to keep this whole thing under wraps.

Damn it. Rudolph Global is way ahead of us.

Walter, there's someone here to see you. She's in your office.

Who is she?

I don't know. I didn't get her name.

You just left her in my office?

Uh, yeah. Where else is she supposed to go?

My office? I don't have one.

So I saw him on campus yesterday.

And then today he came up to me outside of my class.

He said his people would pay me 10 grand for any dirt I had on you.

This is revolting.

Thank you.

But you know I would never say anything, Walter.

I loved our time in your car.

Thank you, Gisele.

I'm so sorry you got dragged into this.

This is more of the Rudolphs' dirty work.

They want to tarnish my name so I'll shut up.

Gisele, did this man give you a number?

He did in case I changed my mind.

What are you suggesting, Rosalie?

I say you call him, set up a meeting.

He's expecting dirty pictures, but you go with her and maybe you can flip him.

Flip him?

Offer him money.

Turn him into a source.

Gisele, do you feel this is something you could do?

Walter, I've handled guys like this my entire life.

I got this.

And so we come to the end of another day of the news, another day of hope and horror, despair, and delight.

I'm Walter Blunt right here, right now.

And we're clear.

Harry, Gisele, Jim, let's go.

Uh, Walter... would it be okay if Martin tags along?

I'm supposed to give him a ride home.

Yeah, that's fine.

You're very capable, Martin.

And you have beautiful eyelashes.

Thank you. I like it when you compliment me, Walter. In fact, I live for it.

Do you think they'll be all right without us?

I doubt it, but I wish we were going. It's not fair.

We are going.

We'll follow them and we have someone on the inside who loves to text me.

So, uh, how are things with Jimelia?

Mr. Gardner wants me to update the Facebook page.

[sighs] Not good.

She won't speak to me.

I keep listening to love songs, hoping for answers.

What about you? How's Rosalie?

Which one?

Uh, both.

Well, I'm feeling very confused.

Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?

Maybe.

Hmm.

Does it help that they're both named Rosalie?

It helps that they're both hot.

Everyone in that dream is you, Celia.

The barren old lady you fear you'll become.

Walter, the perfectionistic super-ego you can never please.

And the helpless little mouse you think you are, who has no voice.

That's so bleak, Rosalie.

I'm never having you interpret a dream again.

What about the dildo?

Where do you think that fits in?

It's so good to feel like a journalist again, Harry.

Getting my hands dirty, meeting a source.

Yes, sir. This also reminds me of so many nights in the Falklands.

Ah.

Except we're in a car park in Los Angeles.

Harry, you told me I wasn't susceptible to cold sores.

[tires squealing]

I tell you lots of things, sir.

Oh, look, the mark has arrived.

[phone dings]

Martin texted. It's happening.

[sighs]

Glad you came to your senses, sugarpuss.

You got some good pictures for me?

Yeah, I got something for you.

Oh, I'll bet you have.

I'd like to talk to you, sir.

sh*t, uh, hey, look over there! The cops!

What?

I don't see any police. Do you, sir?

No.

Damn it, Harry, the Maverick.

He's getting away, Rosalie. He's headed for you guys.

Oh.

Martin, get out! Martin, get in!

Walter: Come on, quickly!

Martin: I'm trying!

Harry: That's it, go, go.

Jim, after him. Give me the coffee.

Okay, okay, okay.

You shouldn't drive one-handed.

[Gisele shrieks]

Drive, drive.

I'm driving.

Yeah, that's better.

Jesus.

What?

[tires squeal]

Stop!

Celia, where did you get a g*n?

Online at Walmart. It was super easy.

sh*t, go, go, go, go!

Quick, quick, quick!

Oh, my.

Oh, sh*t.

Eeh, oh!

Oh, sh*t.

Damn it!

Was that Rosalie?

Don't hate me, Walter, but the girls didn't want to be left out.

Harry: You're all clear, for Christ's sake.

Walter: Go, go, go!

Jim: Okay, okay.

We're in a Maverick.

I've got this.

sh*t.

This puppy has chased a few people in its day.

[tires squeal]

[groans]

Here we go.

[tires squealing]

[tires squeal]

sh*t.

Okay, leave me alone or I'll jump.

That won't be necessary.

Just tell me who sent you and why.

You can't make me talk. Wait.

Why are there so many people here?

Answer the major's questions, you spineless jellyfish.

Okay, my name is Barry and I won't spill.

Do you have the logbook?

Easy, Harry.

You're wasting your time, okay? I'm just the middleman for the middleman for the middleman, for the middleman.

If you're the middleman for the middleman for the middleman, how do you know there are so many middlemen?

There are four middlemen. You only mentioned three.

Just tell me who you're working for.

No.

Don't you make me find out if this g*n is loaded.

Celia, what are you doing?

[all scream]

The silent treatment isn't over.

Jesus Christ.

Okay, okay. All right.

I'll talk. I'll talk. I hate g*ns.

I work for a private d*ck named Arbogast.

He tells me where to go and what to do, but not what for.

Where can we find this d*ck?

487 North Broadway, suite 409.

Good, we'll deal with him tomorrow.

What about me? I told you everything I know.

Harry, let him go.

Good work, everyone.

Even those I wasn't expecting to see.

Gisele, thank you.

[g*nsh*t]

[all scream]

Sorry, everyone. Gosh, I guess it was loaded.

Walter: Celia!

♪
♪ I'm catching the fever ♪
♪ To move on and see her ♪
♪ Los Angeles ♪
♪ Lost angels ♪
♪ To find all those places ♪
♪ Reserved for those faces ♪
♪ In Los Angeles ♪
♪ Lost angels ♪
♪ It might not be easy ♪
♪ Since I've been away ♪
♪ From these lost angels ♪
♪ Los Angeles ♪
♪ But I'm not begrudging ♪
♪ My heartstrings, they're tugging ♪
♪ To Los Angeles ♪
♪ So it's now or never ♪
♪ If I'm going to live in ♪
♪ Los Angeles ♪
♪ Lost Angels. ♪