02x04 - The Bris

[bunniefuu]

David. David, wake up. Wake up. Come on.

My God, look at this place. It's a disaster area.

I am not picking up after you anymore, Mister. You are 21 years old.

Just give me a chance to wake up.

How would you like it if I went into your car and left my panties all over the seats?

I said I'll get it.

I don't know what's going on with you lately.

You're not doing dr*gs, are you?

No.

Addiction runs in our family.

Mom, I'm not on dr*gs.

Listen, I know it is hard not having a room of your own and shuttling between your dad's place and here.

But we just have to make it work just until you go back to NYU.

I'm not going back to NYU.

So that's it?

Just because you didn't get into the film program, you're just going to throw away your education entirely?

Pretty much.

Oh. Well, what are you going to do?

I don't know. I'm still exploring my options.

You get this from your father.

Get what?

Just quitting at the first roadblock life throws at you, wallowing in your misery.

It's one of the reasons we're not married anymore.

Aren't I entitled to be bummed for a little while?

Yeah. Well, I expect this place to get picked up before I get home from work.

(cr*ck)

Oh, my neck is so stiff.

It's stress.

Yep.

And old age.

Hey, give her a little smack on the ass for me, would you?

Ah.

Stay here, stay here.

What do you think Skye is doing right now?

Well, if she's anything like me during my waitressing days, she's sleeping in.

Yeah.

Harder.

At least we know she's sleeping alone.

Just saw the nitwit she's dating in the locker room.

You know, for such a smart man, you're really clueless sometimes.

Hmm?

What does that mean?

It means, my darling, that the more you disapprove of this boy, the more interesting he's going to be to her.

So if I were you, mm, I'd make nice with him.

Hmm?

Uch.

Good morning, Mr. Getty.

David.

Nash just stepped out for a minute.

Yeah, no, I don't need Nash.

I need to talk to you.

Listen, I feel like you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot this year.

Don't you think?

(stammering) If you say so.

Uh, I think I've been a little bit of a hard-ass on you.

So here's what I'm proposing.

What do you say we start over, all right?

We'll just turn over a new leaf.

We'll wipe the slate clean.

All right? What do you say?

Okay.

All right. Good. Hey, here's an idea.

How about we grab lunch some time in the city?

Uh, just me and you?

Well, you can invite a couple of hookers if you want.

No hook... Just you and me.

Yeah. No. Yeah, uh...

Yeah, well, yeah, I like lunch.

Do you? All right, great.

You know what? How about tomorrow?

I'll have my secretary set something up.

All right, man. Glad we talked. All right.

Okay, uh, median is the middle value for a given set of numbers, and mean is what we colloquially call the average.

What's colloquialing mean?

Colloquially. It's on your vocab study list.

All right, you know what?

I think you guys need some more caffeine.

Can I have another cherry?

Uh, okay. Uh, ahem. Let's talk math.

All right? So I came up with a few practice word problems for you guys.

Uh, so "Two space craft leave Earth at the same time "to fly to Alpha Centauri, which is 4.3 light years away... "

The space shuttle wasn't designed for interstellar travel.

These aren't space shuttles.

What are they?

Flying saucer... one from ELO's album and one from Boston's.

(giggling)

Why not Journey's?

(sigh) Eli, are you high?

Come on, man. Don't you smoke?

Whether or not I smoke is totally irrelevant, which is also on your vocab study list.

Come on, guys. I'm not the one taking the SATs.

You got to focus.

Hey, everybody.

How's it going?

Good.

Yeah?

I think, right?

Wheeler's way better than any of my teachers at school.

Oh. Well, I suspected there was a brain under all those curls. (chuckle)

Well, I'll let you get back to it.

Wheeler: She's the best.

Looks like Reagan found his guy on the Supreme Court.

A New Jersey guy, Scalia. How about that name?

Sounds like a spinal condition.

See the guy over there? White hair?

He's Chip Patrick.

Made a fortune in tax liens.

You know what tax liens are?

No.

Neither do I.

But whatever they are, they bought the helicopter he rides to work.

See that guy over there?

The red hair? Dopey grin?

Mm-hmm.

Joe Farrell.

Feldspar Capital?

They do business loans, some retail.

What do you think he drives?

Cadillac.

Lamborghini.

Base price $100,000.

I'm guessing that's more than your parents' house is worth.

Actually, my parents had to sell their house.

Did they get $100,000 for it?

Not quite.

Well, think about that.

This guy is riding around in your parents' house, getting hand jobs from Sports Illustrated models.

Yeah. Point is there are a lot of guys out there making a k*lling, and you are of an age where a young guy can join the hunt.

Yeah?

Yeah. Hey, listen, I wasn't much older than you. I had a seat on the Exchange.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

What is your five-year plan?

I don't really have one.

I'm kind of taking things year to year.

Okay. So what's your one-year plan?

I guess to figure out what it is I'm good at that someone's willing to pay me to do.

Mm.

I used to think that was to do with movies, you know?

But, uh, since that doesn't seem to be in the cards, I guess I'm back to exploring my options.

Okay, that's not a plan.

That's called stalling for time.

You know who you remind me of a little bit?

My kid brother, Skye's uncle Marv.

He was a little bit of a space cadet, too, when he was your age.

Nice guy. Don't get me wrong. I love him to death.

But his head's always in the clouds.

You know where he wound up?

A chiropractor.

Does he like it?

Who the f*ck cares if he likes it?

He's a glorified masseuse.

He drives a Pinto.

His kids go to public school.

These are bad things, I'm saying.

You kn... Listen, I offer this as a cautionary tale of what happens when you don't choose a path in life but you let life choose for you.

Huh?

Skye used to love coming here with me.

This was before she decided meat was m*rder.

You know, for a little thing, she can really put away a steak.

It's... It's quite impressive.

That's funny.

How's that place she's working?

Yeah, it's pretty good. The food's decent.

It's a restaurant?

Yeah. I thought you knew.

No, I did.

I... I think I forgot.

What... How's your steak doing?

Can one person really eat all this?

A man can.

Hey, there's Susan, the receptionist, she's really pretty.

What about Marcia from payroll?

She's single.

Oh, no, no. She's scary.

I mean, with those long nails.

Those aren't real.

No?

No. Those are press-ons.

Oh. No.

No. I don't think I'm ready.

I haven't been on a date in years.

Things haven't changed that much. You'll be fine.

How'd your meet your wife?

Choir. Yeah, she took pity on me.

She said, "You've been staring at me for six months.

When are you going to ask me out, Terrence?"

So I did, and she said, "I'll think about it."

(chuckle) Well, it's probably a little late for me to become a Baptist.

(laughing) You could put an ad in the classifieds.

What do you mean, like "Do you like piña coladas?"

Yeah. It's worth a sh*t.

I don't think I'm going to get many takers.

A divorced heart patient seeks nice lady to sit at home and watch "Night Court."

I have a cousin named Janice who just got divorced about a year ago.

She likes TV, too.

I think you two might actually hit it off.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll give her a ring.

All right. I'll meet her.

I mean, what do you have to lose?

Okay. It's a date.

Our entrance.

Just in case I forget my name.

Reception area. One of our analysts here.

Sir.

Most of them don't know their dicks from a hole in the ground, which is why their predictions are wrong 90% of the time...

I actually keep 'em around just so I know what not to buy.

I'm not even joking.

This is my trading floor.

This is where the magic happens.

Do they ever sit down?

Well, probably to take a crap, but I couldn't swear to you.

Hey, hey, come here a second.

How old are you?

Uh, 23.

Okay.

What did we pay you last year?

With bonus, 125.

We'll get 'em next year.

You afraid of heights, David?

No.

Come here.

Take a look at that.

My old man was afraid of heights.

His whole life, all he ever wanted to do is take a trip west to see the Grand Canyon.

So finally, I'm a teenager.

We did it. We get to the Grand Canyon... and he was too scared to get out of the car.

So that's where I get it.

Wait a minute. You're afraid of heights?

Oh, petrified.

It's quite a view, though, isn't it?

You can almost see all the way to Skye's apartment.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

How do you like her new place?

She hasn't moved in yet.

Right. Of course.

I knew that. I forgot.

No, you didn't.

Hmm?

Is that why you invited me to lunch?

So you could pump me for info about Skye?

I'm her father. I have a right to know where she's living, if her roommates are a* murderers.

Why didn't you just ask her yourself?

I would if she'd return my calls.

Hell's Kitchen.

Really? Jesus.

Fourth floor walk-up, and her roommates aren't a* murderers.

One's a junior at the Fashion Institute of Technology, and the other is studying to be a dancer.

Okay.

Mr. Getty?

Hmm.

Your lawyers are here.

Okay. Thank you.

All right.

Hi. Is Skye around?

Somewhere.

Could you tell her that her boyfriend is here?

I didn't know Skye had a boyfriend.

Well, she does. It's me.

What's your name?

David.

Skye, David's here.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Mm.

Well, I was in the city, so I thought I'd stop in and see you.

What were you doing?

Hmm?

In the city.

I wanted to catch a movie at the quad.

What did you see?

The new Woody Allen.

Hannah and Her Sisters?

Yeah.

God, wasn't it pedestrian?

Actually, I really liked it.

Zan is a filmmaker, too. You guys should talk.

Oh, cool. What kind of stuff?

I'm actually a visual artist.

My stuff's not narrative.

Underground, like Jonas Mekas, Stan Brakhage, Kenneth Anger, but not so h*m*.

You?

Tomorrow I'm videotaping a bris.

You mean like...

Yeah.

David's work is very experimental.

Or, I guess, uh, confrontational is a better word.

Come on. Come here.

(chuckle)

I feel like we never get to see each other anymore.

I know. It's a drag.

Hey, hey. Would you get in trouble if we had sex somewhere in here?

Probably. And I really need this job.

Okay.

Mm. I have an idea.

Why don't you go wait at Serge and Alex's until I'm done?

What time do you get off work?

Around 1.

I have to be up early to get my gear together for the Feinberg bris.

I'll make it worth your while.

Okay.

Hi, Herb. I didn't know you knew the Feinbergs.

I don't. I'm crashing.

A bris?

Well, it was this or a funeral, and I was more in the mood for deli.

Boychik.

Hey, Nash.

(whistling)

This is quite the spread.

Are brises usually this lavish?

Sometimes.

Hmm. I simply must go to more of them.

How are things with Widow Horowitz?

Oh, we had the most romantic evening.

Wine, candlelight, tiramisu.

Who paid?

Don't be so boorish.

I did, of course. I'm a gentleman, not a gigolo.

Besides, I consider it an investment in my future happiness.

Chachi.

(shutter clicks)

Uh, I'll catch up with you later.

Hey, Nash.

Barry.

Want to pose with that pig in a blanket for me?

Absolutely I do.

Dip it in the mustard for me.

Just the tip. Just the tip.

Oh, you are very good.

Vodka tonic.

Vodka tonic coming right up.

Thank you, Webber.

Uh, it's Wheeler, sir.

If you say so.

Hey, where, uh...

It is.

Where the hell is everybody today?

Uh, Dr. Feinberg's sir.

Feinberg?

Mm-hmm.

Why are they at Feinberg's?

Uh, he just had a baby boy.

It's his bris.

Oh, is he clever.

Son of a bitch.

He's campaigning with his son's d*ck.

That's what this is.

I'm... I'm honestly not sure, sir.

(speaking Hebrew)

(camera shutter clicks)

(snip)

(baby frets)

(speaking Hebrew)

(baby cries)

All: Amen.

(knock on door)

Hi, Mr. Myers.

Karen. What a lovely surprise.

Who's this, your fiancé?

Very funny. This is Gracie.

Hello, Gracie.

Yeah, she's sweet, huh?

She's actually the reason I'm here.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

Well, I was wondering if maybe you could do me a huge favor and take care of her for me?

What? For how long?

Forever?

Look, my fiancé Barry is really allergic, and I thought, you know, you can use the company.

Karen, I don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, I can barely take care of myself with the laundry and cooking.

I already k*lled all my house plants.

Please.

I don't know the first thing about cats.

They are so easy, and you won't even know she's here.

You know, she barely even meows, and she does all her business in a litter box.

See, that sounds unhygienic to me.

She's my baby, and I couldn't just take her to the SPCA.

Okay.

(purring)

Here you go.

So what do I do, I buy her mice and feed it to her every once in a while?

(chuckles) Hold on.

This is everything she needs.

Well, except for the cuddles, but you seem pretty good at that.

Oh, you're bleeding.

I am?

Cut yourself shaving?

Cut it pretty good.

Mm.

And all better.

So how are the wedding plans coming?

They're fine.

The big day's going to be here any moment now.

Yeah.

Marriage is a wonderful thing.

I know it sounds corny, but it's true.

I miss it.

I'm going to have the half price poppers, please.

Those are only half price for ladies.

Really?

Is that legal?

It's our Ladies' Night special.

Oh.

Well, I'm meeting a lady friend here.

She's just running a couple of minutes late.

Okay.

Hi. I'm supposed to be meeting someone here.

Tall, in his 50s.

Said he's wearing a brown turtleneck.

Thank you.

Got any, like, ketchup or cocktail sauce?

Anything like that. These are great.

Thanks.

Cheddar, right?

Cheddar puffs are better than I remember.

Table for four, please.

Why the long face, Fellini?

Someone leave the cake out in the rain?

What? No. I was just...

I was going to... What do you want?

We need to talk about the elephant in the room.

What's that?

It's a metaphor. Or simile.

Right. Well, I have a ton of footage to edit, so maybe another time.

You can't keep doing this.

Doing what?

Running from me.

We're going to keep bumping into each other.

There comes a time in a young man's life when he must face his demons.

Okay, look, you're not my demon, and if my memory serves, I already faced you, like with my fist in your face.

When you sucker punched me?

That wasn't a sucker punch.

A little bit.

You were looking right at me.

I was lost in thought.

Let's not quibble about who threw the first punch.

There was only one. I threw it.

And I respect you for that.

What? You do?

Of course.

I stole your lady from you.

That's heavy sh*t.

I'm not saying I'm sorry.

All's fair in love and w*r, and she's happier with me.

But you acted with honor.

Faced me like a man.

Didn't go down without a fight.

And I respect that.

Okay.

So... hatchet buried?

I guess.

Hey, you want to cut that baby d*ck footage on a pro rig, go see my buddy Travis over at WZVX.

Channel 87?

Took a bunch of boudoir sh*ts of him and his old lady, so he owes me.

Tell him I sent you.

He'll hook you up.

Is anyone sitting here?

No. No. Go ahead. Take it.

Thank you.

Lady friend stand you up?

Seems like.

I'll tell you what.

Next round's on me.

Uh, no, thank you. I got to, uh...

Come on.

You know what I'll have is a, uh... Let me have a scotch up, please.

You got it.

♪ This is the night ♪
♪ This is the night ♪
♪ This is the time ♪
♪ We've got to get it right ♪

Thank you.

♪ Touch me, touch me ♪
♪ I want to feel your body ♪
♪ Your heartbeat... ♪

(laughter, chatter)

Okay, okay, but seriously, I don't know who's in it.

Oh, uh, Robert Redford, Darryl Hannah, and Debra Winger.

Ooh.

Mm.

I love Darryl Hannah.

What was that one that she was in where she played the fish?

Fish?

No, no, mermaid.

Uh, but is a mermaid...

Fish.

A fish.

Mermaids do not exist.

(laughter)

Right, obviously.

But I think you mean Splash.

Yeah, Splash. That's...

How funny was that?

Debra Winger isn't too shabby, either.

Oh, my God. Officer And a Gentleman, when Richard Gere is all dressed in his Navy uniform and he sweeps her off her feet, and...

Yeah, well, as someone who was married to a guy who's ex-Navy...

Uch.

...I can tell you it ain't like the movies.

If Roger lifted anything heavier than a laundry basket, he'd throw his back out.

(laughter)

If he lifted a foot, he'd throw his back out.

Oh, my...

Poor man.

Sam: ♪ ...these dirty sidewalks ♪
♪ of Broadway ♪

I can't believe I stayed with him so long.

♪ Where hustle's the name of the game ♪
♪ Nice guys get washed away ♪
♪ Like the snow and the rain ♪
♪ There's been a load of compromising ♪
♪ On the road to my horizon ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be ♪
♪ Where the lights are shining on me ♪
♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
♪ Riding out on a horse ♪
♪ In a star-spangled rodeo ♪
♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
♪ Gettin' cards and letters ♪
♪ From people I don't even know ♪

David: How did this happen?

What do I know?

Your father never drinks.

Or sings.

He's been a little down lately.

Both my boys been going through a rough patch lately.

Yeah.

Wait, have you eaten?

No. I'm starving.

Come on. Let's go get a bite to eat.

What are you in the mood for?

Uh, you think Friendly's is still open?

Oh, good idea.

Glen Campbell: ♪ I've been walkin' these streets ♪
♪ So long ♪
♪ Singin' the same old song ♪
♪ I know every cr*ck ♪
♪ In these dirty sidewalks of Broadway ♪
♪ Where hustle's the name of the game ♪
♪ And nice guys get washed away ♪
♪ Like the snow and the rain ♪
♪ There's been a load of compromisin' ♪
♪ On the road to my horizon ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be ♪
♪ Where the lights are shinin' on me ♪
♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
♪ Riding out on a horse ♪
♪ In a star-spangled rodeo ♪
♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
♪ Getting cards and letters ♪
♪ From people I don't even know ♪
♪ And offers coming over the phone ♪