02x07 - Dave Goes on Shark t*nk

[bunniefuu]

Dr. Park.

What's your stance on mimosas in the afternoon?

Taboo or trailblazing?

Um, trailblazing?

Then why you sitting there, girl?

[Chuckles]

Let's hit the kitchen and mix some Korbel with a little SunnyD.

Oh, Ken, you're so bad.

[Laughs]

[Door slams]

Are you okay, honey?

Ahh. Mim-oh-so close.

MacKenzie Hawkins started a nonprofit to teach computer literacy to senior citizens!

What a... bitch?

She's applying to Stanford, too.

How am I supposed to compete with that?

I mean, hopefully my SATs will improve, but my résumé is weak.

I didn't help a bunch of old people get on Tinder!

Well, um, fall break's coming up.

Maybe you could volunteer at the HMO.

That could be some valuable work experience.

Yeah. That sounds really good.

Do you think you guys could set it up for me?

Mm. I don't know.

I mean, will people say, "Whoa, whoa.

Ken Park, such a big sh*t.

He threw his weight around and got his daughter a plum internship"?

Well, they might...

Great! Just wanted to make sure.

Consider it done.

Well, my dream has come true.

You finally tried all 31 flavors?

No, still stuck on 30.

But I just found out I'm gonna be on "Shark t*nk."

"Shark t*nk"?

Oh my God. How'd that happen?

I sent in an application video.

They liked my invention, and they invited me to come on the show!

That's amazing!

I know!

Why didn't you tell us you were doing this?

I wanted to wait until I heard back.

Gotta manage the hype, yo.

So what's your invention?

You know how when you're sleeping at night and your body's nice and warm but your legs get too hot?

Yes! That does happen to me!

Introducing The Hot Legs Duvet.

It... looks like a blanket with two holes cut out.

It's the ultimate thermal body-temperature regulator.

It's a sleep revolution.

Dave, I'm so proud of you.

And I say, "Long live The Hot Legs Duvet!"

Guys, are you ready for this news?

Dave's going to be on "Shark t*nk"!

Oh my God! Really?

That's amazing! What's his invention?

He calls it The Hot Legs Duvet. It's so cute.

Ohh, I hope it's more than just cute.

Well, it's basically a blanket with holes in it.

I think cute was rounding it up. Why?

Well, the Sharks can be pretty rough.

What do you mean?

You've never seen the show?

I'm too wiped out to watch TV on Friday nights because Thursday nights, Allison and I have...

[Chuckles] Come on. We're all medical professionals.

I can say it out loud.

Ken and Alli's Fun-time Boom-boom Hour.

You should know, Damona. You manage my calendar.

Wait. Girl, you actually put that in his calendar?

Hey, I'd rather have that job than Allison's.

Ha!

Check this out, little man.

There's a reason why they call it "Shark t*nk."

Cuban: You're not an entrepreneur. You're a want-repreneur.

And for that reason, I'm out.

Things are either heroes or zeroes.

For me, this is a nowhere-near-o.

I'm out.

You're dead to me.

John: You're dead to me, too.

"You're dead to me"?

That's his catchphrase.

What kind of a monster uses that as a catchphrase?

A bald, handsome monster.

I can't let Dave go on that show.

Those Sharks will eat him alive.

Ah, I love watching the Sharks crush the dreams of people just trying to improve their lot in life.

[Sighs] Fools!

The world's a human zoo. Stay in your cages.

What are all those?

Oh, I'm putting them aside for Molly to file.

She's volunteering this week, remember?

Oh, right.

That's this week. Yay.

What is wrong with you?

Let's just say, there's been some tension lately between Molly and I.

What? When do you even see Molly?

Online, Damona, where the world is.

A couple of days ago, I posted a picture of me and Connor hiking, and she didn't like it.

[Gasps]

Oh, no!

And you guys have homeroom together.

That's gonna be so awkward.

[Chuckles]

Clark, you're a grown man. She's a teenager.

Why do you even care what Molly thinks?

Look, I know it seems petty, but I'm sensitive, okay?

Plus, this is the first time that I've posted a picture of me and Connor.

Well, how do you even know she saw it?

Oh, please. She is 17.

She lives online.

She saw the photo, she didn't like it, and that stings.

[Knock on door]

Hey, everybody.

And I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep up appearances!

Molly, my girl!

How are you guys? What's happening?

Oh, not much.

Just trying to get some exercise recently.

Oh, yeah!

I saw you and Connor went hiking this weekend.

Yeah, we did.

No big deal.

Hi. I'm here for my appointment.

You're a week late, Mr. Dempsey.

You were supposed to be here last Thursday, but you no-showed.

You know what? Just go have a seat.

I'll see if I can fit you in. Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Do a lot of patients miss their appointments?

Yes. And we don't like it.

Have you guys tried sending out auto-text reminders?

Uh, the I.T. guy was supposed to set it up, but then radiology got hacked, and then it's been all nerds on deck.

Well, I can do it for you.

Oh! Go for it.

Okay, your operating system has this appointment function.

Mm-hmm.

You just sync your contacts to your calendar, and hit a*t*matic alert.

Done!

Wow.

You sure know how to work a computer... when it suits you.

[Clipboard thuds]

Auto-texts. What a terrific idea.

It'll save Welltopia scads of cash.

Just scads of it.

Why are we wasting her talents on patient care?

Molly, how would you like it if your résumé said that after just one morning, you catapulted all the way into the Management Training Program?

Really?!

These are my personal receipts.

Now, I need you to go through these, figure out which ones I can write off.

And I'm not going to lie to you, it's been quite a while since I filed a tax return.

Now, most of these you'll see the name Pat Hein, but occasionally, I do business as Pancho Vermont.

Wait, so...

Fewer questions, the better.

Hey. What's going on?

We're making sample duvets for the Sharks.

Great stuff, buddy.

Hey, why don't you go rest that cutting hand?

I need to talk to your mom.

Okay. You can take a break too, Mom.

You've earned it.

Thanks, Dave.

We can't let him go on that show.

Those Sharks are vicious.

Yeah, you'd never seen the show?

[Sighs] I'm tired on Fridays, Al.

You know how Thursday nights wear me out.

As someone who's tried to push you beyond the basics, yes, I do.

Dave's really excited for this.

And do you know how many people are going to get to see him on TV?

Exactly. That's my point.

And if it's a disaster, it'll stay with him forever.

Trust me. I've been there.

Science fair. Junior high.

I made one of those baking-soda volcanoes.

Uh, cliché much?

Uh, no, because instead of vinegar, I used carbolic acid.

Mm?

Bigger eruption, little more pizzazz.

Did it work?

Yes!

And then no.

The lava was so hot, it ate through the gym floor.

There was a giant hole at center court!

At first, the basketball team played around cones, but then they canceled the season when two kids fell in.

Were they okay?

Yeah, they were fine.

But you know who wasn't?

Ol' Kenny Park, that's who.

I don't want Dave to go through that kind of humiliation.

Wow.

That is sad and [Laughs] hilarious.

But that shouldn't stop us from letting Dave take risks.

Don't you trust that we've given him the tools to cope with disappointment?

No!

I need you to sign this release so I can go on the show.

I also need to take my Lactaid.

I'm attempting flavor 31 tonight... jamoca almond fudge.

This is a big week for me.

Okay, I am not signing that, Al.

Absolutely not.

As a parent, I refuse to allow...

Oh. Did not see that coming.

So, how are things going with my receipts?

I'm still on the first bag, which is a lot of dry cleaning and juice bars.

Well, what can I tell you?

I like my shirts like I like my juices... pressed.

[Chuckles nervously]

Ah! [Chuckles]

Obligatory laughter.

You'll go far in the business world.

You know, I was a lot like you at your age.

Ambitious, beautiful, and always with one eye on the old college application.

So where you thinking about going, anyway?

Well, Stanford's my first choice.

My alma mater!

Wait, you went there?

Oh my God. Yes.

Oh, the best years of my life.

The hills. The quad.

My only regret is I graduated in three years.

You did?!

Yeah.

Then I was recruited by a tech start-up in Silicon Valley.

Wow.

Do you think you could maybe write me a letter of recommendation?

Hey, if you can make sense of this mess and keep the pesky IRS off my back.

I will not let you down.

Are you sure you're a Park?

[Chuckles]

So how are you feeling?

Okay.

The makeup lady said I have an oily T-zone.

Guess I can't un-hear that.

They have Oreos over here.

I can make you a bowl of middles.

I'm too nervous to eat right now.

Whoa. Red flag.

You know what, buddy?

If you want to back out, that's fine.

Don't be silly.

You're gonna do great.

Ken, can I have a word?

Dave, do your breathing exercises.

[Inhales sharply, exhales forcefully]

Mouth closed.

What are you doing?

He's freaking out!

Have you ever seen four feet of daylight between him and a deviled egg?

He's just nervous, which is natural.

Well, I don't think we should be pushing him if he doesn't want to do it.

He does want to do it.

[Sighs]

I'm telling you, it's good for him to face a challenge.

And who knows? They might love his idea.

Oh, come on, Allison.

Sprinkle your fairy dust someplace else.

You know how this is gonna go.

No, but I do know we need to support and believe in him no matter what.

And if you don't get that, then you are the meanest Shark of all.

Okay, Ken and Allison Park? Dave is up next.

Yeah. He's right over, uh... where'd he go?

Dave?

Dave?

He's gone.

We got a runner.

So, every receipt has been cross referenced by date and category, and I saved you $12,000 in deductions.

This is brilliant.

You've really gone above and beyond here.

And, as promised, a letter of recommendation.

[Chuckles] May I?

Mm-hmm.

"Dear Admissions Department, It's my pleasure to recommend a wonderfully bright young woman, provided this California girl can brave the harsh Connecticut winters."

Wait. What?

"As someone who's been there, I can say that Molly Park has what it takes to be a Fightin' Bullfrog.

Wait. I'm sorry.

Did you go to Stanford University in California?

[Laughing] What? Oh, God, no.

I could never get in there in a million years.

No, I went to Stamford Community College in Stamford, Connecticut.

But you said you graduated in three years.

Yeah, I know it's a two-year school, but I don't know, I guess I was just having too much fun.

But what about working at the tech startup in Silicon Valley?

Yeah, I managed a Circuit City in Menlo Park right when it opened.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

I think I... oh, I know what happened.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

This was an honest mistake.

Oh, my gosh. I just feel awful.

You must just be devastated.

[Sighs]

Ah.

Well, I have to admit, I was a little curious as to why you wanted a letter of recommendation for a school with a 100% acceptance rate.

Ken: Dave?

Dave?

Hey, buddy.

I can't do it.

You were right, Dad.

We should go home.

You know what?

No.

You want this, and you can do it.

Well, what if I screw up?

Then I won't love you.

Look, when I was your age, I made a volcano for the science fair, and it was a disaster.

But your mom helped me realize it was a good thing because, just like you, I wanted to take it up a notch and put myself out there.

And I did.

And I didn't have half the talent and charisma that you have.

Dave, you're gonna crush this.

I believe in you.

It's now or never, guys.

I don't know.

What if I went up there with you?

You'd do that?

You bet, buddy. We win or lose together.

All right. Let's go, Dad.

I suddenly have a taste for shark meat.

[Laughs]

Ooh. Mol, something wrong?

Oh, it's nothing.

I'm just a little disappointed.

Yeah, a lot of that going around.

Will you let it go?

Let what go?

[Slaps desk] Okay, fine.

The other day, I posted a picture of me and Connor hiking, and you didn't like it.

I mean, I don't know if you liked it, but you didn't like it.

Clark, I did like it.

I didn't like it, but I liked it.

Well, if you liked it, then how come you didn't like it?

That was the first time you ever posted a picture of you with Connor, right?

Yeah.

Well, I thought that deserved more than just a like, so I got you this.

Sorry. The framing took a little longer than I expected.

[Inhales deeply]

[Voice breaking] So many feelings.

Damn. She's good.

Like. Like.

Like.

Hey, young Park.

You know, I want to apologize again for the confusion earlier.

You know, the whole Stamford/Stanford thing.

Hey, you know who'd get a real kick out of this is my... my best friend from high school, Curt.

Why?

Well, he's the Dean of Admissions at Stanford.

The Dean of Admissions at... actual Stanford?

Like, Stanford with an "N?"

Yeah. Small world, huh? [Chuckles]

Well, maybe you could...

Put in a good word for you. Of course.

Yes. I'll-I'll do that first thing in the morning.

I'll call Curt.

Thank you so much!

Oh. Well...

Hmm.

Hey, you know if it, uh, doesn't work out, I've sent the letter to Stamford with an "M."

Congratulations! You're already accepted.

Hello, Sharks.

I'm Dave Park, and I'm a kid and an entrepreneur.

A kid-trepreneur!

How many of you have had your sleep constantly interrupted by your hot legs?

That's what I was hoping you'd say!

[Chuckles]

Well, have I got the product for you.

Meet the Hot Legs Duvet.

[Laughter]

It's like pair of shorts and a blanket had a baby and they called it "Refreshing!"

[Laughs]

Plus, it's father and doctor approved.

That's right.

One out of one doctor surveyed recommended it.

I'm a doctor and his father.

Yeah. I-I think we've established that already.

[Laughs]

Now, who wants to cuddle up and make the magic happen?

You have some samples? Oh.

There you go.

Yeah.

All right. Give one to Lori.

There you go, Lori.

Lori: Thank you.

Thank you.

Um, Dave, thank you.

I'm out.

I'm out.

Come on, girl!

Yeah, I'm out, too.

Hey, I thought we were boys, FUBU!

[Light laughter]

It looks like you just cut two holes into a blanket.

That's right, Mark Cuban.

So why wouldn't I just do the same thing?

Well... you'd need a good pair of scissors.

How many have you sold?

Counting internationally?

Yep.

Zero.

I'm going to stop you right there, kid.

I'm out.

Listen, kid, I'm going to say something I've never said before.

"Dave Park's a blanket wizard"?

No. Just looking at that product gives me a nightmare.

This is a dog.

I'm so out, and you, kid, you're dead to me.

Thank you, Sharks.

How dare you?

This product is a dog.

You should take it behind the barn and sh**t it.

I hope you drown in a pool of your own leg sweat.

If you brought this to market, you'd get crushed like a cockroach.

I'm the only one telling you the truth here.

That's why they call me Mr. Wonderful.

Now you've got the truth. Get out of here.

A blanket with two holes.

A rag. You're wearing a rag!

Oh, God, you were right. That was a disaster.

I know. I was there.

[Sighs]

Hey, Dave. I'm sorry.

About what? That was so much fun!

I haggled with the Sharks, went toe-to-toe with Cuban, Mr. Wonderful even catchphrased me!

And you're not disappointed that they didn't like your invention?

I've got plenty of ideas, Mom.

Besides, let's not kid ourselves.

It's just holes in a blanket.

Well, I'm just glad you're okay.

Okay? I'm fantastic!

We're so proud of you. [Chuckles]

Hey, kid. Nice job out there.

You know, today wasn't your day, but you've got a good head on your shoulders.

Don't give up, okay?

I won't, Mark Cuban!

That's awesome.

I won't give up either, Mark Cuban!

Praise from Caesar!

This calls for some celebratory deviled eggs!

[Sighs]

Kid's gonna be all right.

Oh. And Molly, too.

She texted that Pat might get her a recommendation to Stanford.

Community college? Let's hope she never needs it.

Thanks for pushing, Al.

You made this happen.

Hmm.

Now, what do you say we all hop in the car and head back to the Park t*nk?

I'm out.

Hello, Sharks!

[Imitating dog barking]

Okay.

How many of you have said to yourself, "This drink coaster isn't big enough, isn't soft enough"?

I'm looking at you, Lori.

Mm! Hmm.

Well, feast your eye buds on this.

The Omni Coaster.

The world's softest, most absorbent drink coaster.

Aren't those the cutouts from those stupid blankets we saw?

Hmm.

Wonderful eye, Mr. Wonderful.

I can tell you're interested.

I'm out.

This time with extreme prejudice.

Okay, well, uh, how about a softer and safer Frisbee?

Cuban!

Is anybody interested?

No.

No.

Bye.

Bye.

You're out of here.

So I'll see ya. Bye.

Oh... w... did you call me back in?

Bye!

O-Okay.

I'm sorry. D-Did you... did you call me?

Bye.