03x08 - What's Up, Dock?

[bunniefuu]

You had a one-night stand with your husband?

Now he's gonna think we have a sh*t at getting back together.

Have we met?

Colin McNichol.

I did a piece on "The New Yorker"'s Page-Turner blog.

Hey, isn't that your boss?

He's on a date.

Radha, this is a colleague of mine, Liza Miller.

Tell me about yourself, Liza.

I would love to know about the young woman who spends so much time with the man that I am just crazy about.

You followed your heart, and that's what's important.

Well, sometimes I can be impulsive when I'm following my heart.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Oh, good morning.

Uh, good morning.

I noticed you getting in your car at Lenox Hill.

Oh.

I was never sure how biking compared to driving in the city, but, uh, I got here before you did.

Well...

You must be fast.

Today I am.

♪ ♪

And then he says, "Today I am."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I stopped in the 60s to drop off dry cleaning.

Men don't just talk to women in the street like that unless they're interested.

I bet he's had his eye on you for a while.

At least since 77th Street.

Ah! This is exciting.

Oh, by the way, um, I have out-of-the-office lunch plans today.

Liza, never interrupt my moment with your plans.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

So there are, uh, very few assets to discuss here.

Liza has taken on the car payment.

The business is leveraged. That's all yours, David.

Now, I see there are quite a few airline miles on the joint card.

Is that something you'd like to discuss?

Uh, sure.

Oh. Airline miles.

No, I, uh... I gave those to a friend.

So...

Poker game. Mohegan Sun.

Never mind.

Well, then, I guess that covers it.

No, actually... Actually, there are...

There are some unresolved issues.

No, there aren't.

We slept together recently.

Uh, that isn't relevant.

Well, I just...

I think he should know all the facts.

I'm not a therapist.

But just as a person.

I mean, don't you think it's kind of interesting that...

In my experience, sex can be nothing, and a kiss can mean a lot. Couldn't agree more.

Well, there... there were a lot of raw emotions.

More wine than emotions.

Okay, well, I can't stop thinking about it.

Could you give us a minute?

Please don't.

I have to go to the bathroom anyway.

Look, I've been trying to find the right time to tell you this, but, uh, I broke up with Debbie.

Oh. I'm... sorry?

So that means we're both single.

If we're gonna give it another try, now is the time.

I got back with my boyfriend.

[sighs] Liza.

We were together for 22 years.

Almost 22 years.

Who is this guy?

It... what is he, paying your bills or something?

I... [sighs].

Look, at least tell me his name.

Josh.

Josh? Are you for real?

As real as my signature on these divorce papers.

Your turn.

♪ Getting all over ♪
♪ Getting on me ♪
♪ I just want to see ♪
♪ Running all over ♪
♪ Running on your own ♪

Maggie!

Coming!

♪ ♪

You're finally divorced, and now you want to cook and clean?

Women.

It's a special occasion.

To your divorce.

I would rather toast to what got me through the divorce.

Okay.

You.

That's dumb. No.

No, stop.

Sit.

Let me say this.

Maggie... Liza.

Without you, I would be living in Michelle's pool house and folding boxer briefs at Nordstrom.

You've given me a home, and allowed me to make a better life for myself than the one I had.

I will never be able to pay you back.

You don't have to. You're family.

I know, but please, just let me say this.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Come here, you.

Love you.

I didn't think I'd cry before I tasted the food.

Oh, you... Stop it.

[laughing]

I had no idea they had to-go alcohol in Brooklyn.

There's also a cupcake delivery service that'll bring you weed.

What?

Do you think they deliver on the sidewalk?

Mm. I live right down the block.

I'm sure we could get it delivered there.

Is this whole takeout Margarita, delivery cupcake talk just a big ol' plan to get me back to your apartment?

Yes. 100%.

[laughs]

Well, I do like a planner.

What else do you like?

Tell me everything.

Everything?

Did you always know you wanted a career in publishing?

No, but I always read a lot.

Child care's expensive, so, my mom just got me a bunch of books and would take me everywhere with her.

And your dad?

Just a mom.

What about you?

Did you always know you wanted to write?

I did.

Well, working for "The New Yorker" is a writer's dream job.

Well, NewYorker.com.

[laughs] I'm not sure if you've heard, but the Internet is kind of a promising area right now.

It is, it is, but my dream job is to write fiction.

Oh, really.

I actually just finished my novel.

Wow. Good for you.

I don't know how good it is, but I, uh, I could use a professional opinion.

Mine?

Well, yeah.

You're like a star editor at a great imprint.

You know a good book when you see it.

Oh, and... and a bad one, of course.

[sighs]

Well, I'm... flattered.

So...

So, I'll read it.

Great. Thank you.

Oh, here. Here's my place.

Come in. Print you out a copy.

Actually, um, I have an early day tomorrow.

Email it?

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Cool.

Good night.

The papers are signed.

Yes! You are all mine now.

Oh.

You know, when you think about it, this whole time, we've been kind of committing adultery.

I hope I still find you attractive now that you're not my... what's the male equivalent to "Mistress"?

Uh, how about "Side piece?"

Oh, I like that.

[phone ringing]

Oh.

No.

No, no, no. Stop!

No. Sorry.

It's the mediator. Hello?

Hi, Liza. Sorry to bother you.

Uh, it appears you put the wrong birth date on this paperwork.

Apparently, you think you're 26.

[laughter]

Oh, wow, that's weird.

Um, do you need me to sh**t you over an email with the correct birth date?

Uh, unfortunately no. I need both you and David to come in tomorrow to sign an amendment.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay. All right. I'll see you tomorrow.

[sighs]

Looks like you're my side piece for a little while longer.

Get over here.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Drive faster.

♪ ♪

Looks like I b*at you this time.

Well, then, we have to meet after work and race.

[laughs]

Clay.

Diana.

Do you MetroBike, Diana?

Of course.

I'm also at the top of the torque board at Flywheel, so don't think about taking it easy.

Then it's a date.

I guess it is.

And then he says, "It's a date."

See? I knew he liked you.

All right, now, I need you to do a little research and show me how this socialist bike system works.

On it.

Well, guess who has a book he wants me to read?

This would be a much easier question if we didn't work in publishing.

Colin.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

[sighs]

First date, and he asked me to read his novel.

Like, are you even interested in me at all, or are you just looking for an editor?

Honestly, probably both.

Well, that is a huge, huge gamble on his part, because if it's not good, shop's closed.

Shop does not open for a bad writer.

Oh, and the best part.

It's 900 pages.

Ugh.

Maybe it's the next "Infinite Jest."

Oh, perfect.

Then I can just pretend to have read it.

[sighs] You know what?

You should just turn your phone off after work and take a s*ab at it.

It's better to know now if it's not gonna work.

I know, Liza. I know.

s*ab you.

Ow.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Does it look too brand-new? Should I scuff it up a little?

It looks like I'm an excellent rider, which, hopefully, I am.

Now run me through the process again.

Credit card in, pull the bike out.

You have 30 minutes to ride before you need to re-dock.

"Re-dock"?

Oh, put the bike back.

You can just put it in his dock.

Oh, I think the whole point of this is that he puts it in mine.

Oh, speak of the devil.

How do I look?

Too good to be on a rental bike.

Perfect. Okay.

Hi, stranger.

Hey. How are you?

Good, good.

[horns honking]

So, you work at Empirical?

Yes. Yes. And you?

I work in advertising. Graphic design.

Oh. An artist.

[laughs]

I don't know about that, but I do appreciate beautiful things.

You certainly caught my eye.

I just love your look.

Thank you.

Huh?

Thank you!

Oh, you're welcome.

I ride this way.

Oh.

We should hang out sometime.

How about now?

Well, I can't tonight. I'm meeting my husband for dinner. I should introduce you to him. He works in fashion. You two would hit it off.

Your... husband?

Yeah.

Uh, he lets you out without a ring.

So... modern.

[laughs] Bye.

Bye.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

[phone dinging]

[rock music]

Uh, hey, you gonna read it?

Yep. Phone's off. Food's delivered.

I had to buy extra storage on my Dropbox just to open the file.

Hey, even if the book's terrible, he's still got those abs.

Those are the abs of a confident man, Liza.

If you destroy a man's confidence, the abs will follow.

Oh.

[phone dinging]

♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Moving kind of fast, so you best beware ♪
♪ Never slowing down 'cause I just don't care ♪

I wish my face was that seat!

[tires squealing]

Damn.

Ah! [groaning]

sh*t.

[rock music]

[phone dings]

sh*t.

[bright orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Ah, this whole thing's gonna be expensive, isn't it?

Well, work should take care of anything that your insurance doesn't cover.

The last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself in HR.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

I'm okay.

Wait, careful.

Her collarbone might be broken.

Hey, Liza. I'm Barb.

I'll be taking care of you.

There are no rules about visiting hours.

All we ask is that you let Liza rest.

That's the best thing for her right now.

You know what might help? Pain meds.

Yeah, whatever they gave me is wearing off.

I think they didn't account for my height.

Yeah, it's not height that makes a difference, it's weight.

Well, her pain's at about a Chris Christie, so anything strong might be helpful.

The radiologist has been paged.

As soon as he reads the X-rays, we'll know how to proceed with the pain management.

I think that this will do for now.

[scoffs] That's an aspirin.

[groove rock music]

♪ ♪

They're all academics, so just kick me under the table if the conversation gets too boring or someone uses the word "Tenure."

Will do.

Hey.

Thank you for coming.

Of course.

[phone buzzing]

Ah.

[laughs]

One second. It's work.

Hello?

Yeah.

Okay, thank you for letting me know.

What is it?

Uh, Liza was in an accident.

She's in the hospital.

Is she all right?

Uh, I... I don't know.

Well, I'm sure she has people to look after her.

I... yeah, I'm sure she does too.

I feel like I should go check on her.

Why?

It... it was work-related.

She was running an errand for her boss.

But we're having dinner with my friends, and I... I haven't seen you all week.

It won't take long.

You can't be serious.

She is an employee that I... I care about.

Oh, I've noticed.

Radha, I'll make this as quick as I can.

Charles, if you leave to go and see that girl, we're over.

[dramatic music]

I hope you don't mean that.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Liza Ann Miller.

Wow... babe, you're almost 41.

Stop.

Oh, thank God you're okay.

The bike is not, FYI.

Hey, uh, do you want to sit down?

Oh, I'll... hover. It's fine.

Is it her head?

Does she recognize me?

Of course I recognize you.

Oh, well you hadn't said anything, so I wasn't sure.

Sorry.

She had a pretty bad accident.

Her collarbone might be broken.

Mm.

So, I mean, how did it happen?

A car stopped short, I hit it, and Supermanned over the handlebars.

It should have been Becky.

From now on, all menial tasks go to her.

And that is a promise.

And...

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

Hmm.

Sorry, she's, uh, she's usually super punctual.

She was always hustling me out the door.

[laughs] I used to say, "Babe", "the world is gonna keep turning whether we're five minutes late or five minutes early."

Oh. Bet she loved that.

Yeah, we... We used to joke a lot.

Maybe she's having second thoughts.

Why don't you give her a call?

[phone ringing]

David.

Hey, uh, where are you?

It's Maggie. Liza's in the hospital.

Oh, my God.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey.

I read your book.

And?

It's good.

It's really good.

I'm so happy you like it.

Trust me, I'm happier.

[rock music]

Hey. Careful, careful, careful.

We come bearing gifts.

Oh, sh**t. I didn't bring you any.

So, the good news is you don't have to have surgery.

But your clavicle is fractured.

All: [groaning]

How long's recovery?

Well, if she's good about wearing the immobilizer, it should heal quickly.

And because it's not your dominant side, you could return to work immediately.

Oh, it's my lucky day.

Any other questions?

I'm in a lot of pain, doctor.

Ah, we're gonna get you a morphine drip with a button to self-administer.

Gonna feel better in no time.

Thank you.

Mama Mia.

She's gonna need us.

You know I'm down to help with anything, right?

Well, cooking, cleaning, getting her dressed...

I can cover those things.

Okay, getting undressed, baths?

I got it covered.

I figured you could handle those jobs.

I'm gonna stay here.

Okay.

You can take off.

I'm gonna go find some blankets for the sleepover.

You're a good guy.

♪ ♪

Hey!

Hi.

You okay? Is it your arm?

Clavicle. It's broken.

I may never shrug again.

Ah, what are you doing here?

Uh, Diana alerted the, uh, Empirical legal team, and they alerted me.

Oh. Don't worry.

I'm not feeling up to a lawsuit.

[chuckles]

Are you in pain?

I'm feeling much better now.

Is there, uh... anything I can do?

There is one thing.

Yeah, yeah. What is it?

My piggies are out.

This little piggy broke her collarbone.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Mm...

Is that better?

You are so, so... nice...

I should let you rest.

No, wait. Wait.

I want to tell you something.

Yeah?

[sighs]

[snoring]

[chuckles]

[snoring]

♪ ♪

Goodnight, piggies.

♪ ♪

Hey.

[moaning]

Hey, I...

I just wanted to say...

That thing that happened between us meant something to me.

Maybe if we were different people, or in a different place, and, like, a different time... things would be different.

I knew it.

David?

Hey, bud.

Who are you?

Uh, I don't know. Who are you?

I'm Josh. Liza's boyfriend.

You're Josh, huh?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Well, uh, I'm Liza's husband.

David.

Oh, you... you mean ex-husband, though, right?

Mm, not quite.

Bud.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[soft rock music]

♪ ♪

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

Ah! Jesus!

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Wha...

Looks like you b*at me.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God. I just heard.

I feel so bad I wasn't there.

I... I had my phone turned off.

I was plenty taken care of.

And I don't really even remember most of it.

How was the manuscript?

Oh, it was so good.

Did you read the whole thing?

I read enough to know that we have to publish it.

And how was the sex?

Liza!

What?

It was similar to the book.

What, didn't finish?

Good. It was really good.

Send me Colin's manuscript.

I already did.

Becky's coffee is undrinkable.

I am so sorry.

I really wanted this for you.

But you do the coffee, Becky does everything else.

And, um... while you were incapacitated, Charles and Radha broke up.

Sad face.

[phone dings]

Hey.

Those piggies get some good rest?

What... [laughs]. Excuse me?

Uh, nothing.

I'm... glad to have you back, that's all.

I'm glad to be back.

[rock music]

♪ ♪