01x06 - The Moruga

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Crunch Time". Aired: September 11, 2016 to present.
"Crunch Time" follows four bored, but brilliant grad students who start making money by placing people in a lucid dream machine they’ve created. Of course, things eventually go haywire and they accidentally open up a small black hole in their college lab.
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01x06 - The Moruga

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Late in the evening ♪
♪ oh, when the sun goes down ♪
♪ late in the evening ♪
♪ when the sun goes down ♪
♪ late in the evening ♪
♪ I wanna be with you ♪
♪ baby baby baby, I'm in love with you ♪
♪ and that's so true ♪
♪ my heart is running wild ♪
♪ that's not the wind ♪
♪ I gotta make love to ease my soul ♪
♪ love you love you ♪

Where were we?

You said we're f*cked.

No, I believe he said the we are fuuuuucked.

Aw, that's not what I sound like.

Yeah, that's what you sound like.

Well, why don't you do the honors?

You tell us where we're gonna start.

I never got my molars removed, so if you're offering some free dental work...

Hobbs. Mullins.

You told me this guy was funny, but I had no idea.

They said I was funny?



Tell them what they want to know.

It'll take away my fun, but it'll be a lot easier on you.


Are they always this quiet?

Usually they won't shut the hell up.

You are aware of our timeline?





Timeline. Everybody's in such a rush.

Everybody else's time is so...

Damn important.

Alright, then let's just jump...

Straight to the main course.

A toothpick, really?

Hey, Sam.

Those are really nice nail beds.

Let me take a closer look at those, would ya?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Do you guys like spicy food?

I do.

I can't get enough of it.

I'm always trying to find the hottest dish I can.

I'm like a masochist for that shit.

And there was this one time I was working a gig in '09, where I was working over a CIA defector.

The guy was a total wuss.

I'm sure you guys will be way tougher, don't worry about it.

Anyway, on that job, I found this thing called moruga.

Moruga. Ever heard of it?

I got it from a Cajun guy in Seattle.

Like that even makes sense.

It's a rare pepper.

It's twice as hot as the ghost pepper.

Sam: Yeah, see, that's the moruga.

All I had to do was put a tiny little drop under his little finger nail.

Sam: So...

Here's how this is gonna work.

You're gonna tell them what they want to know.

Or, you're all gonna get to taste the moruga.

Sam: How does that sound?

Pleas,e make it stop!

Mullins: Tell us how you created the rift.

Sam: I don't know!

I don't know.

You know, tell us how!


Tell us how you did it!

I don't know!

Sam, Sam, I do not want to do this again.

No, please!

It's expensive.

No! No!

Wait, wait, wait! I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.



I'm all ears.


You know...

I find it admirable that you millennials are so tough to work over, I mean, if you wanna talk about greatest generation, you guys would have my vote.

Hands down.

But... let me tell you what your problem is.

You are currently locked up in the most elusive government facility in the world.

Yeah, ok, Mullins.

We're all super proud of your top secret circus show you got here, but I think these four deserve to know...

Just how badly they are f*cked.

Because honey...

You've been eatin' beans.

And I think it's time...

You spilled 'em.


It's not that bad.


Just give it a second.

Berkman: What the f*ck is happening?



Guys, what's going on with Larry?

It looks like he's having a seizure!

Shit! You need to get the power back on.

You need to get the power back on!

Why don't I just disconnect everyone's helmets?

No! No! We're not at full power!

You do that, and it'll fry our minds together!

You need to flip the breakers.

Sam: What? Flip the what?

The breakers. The f*cking breakers!

And get a defibrillator.

A defibrillator? Why?

In case Larry's heart stops!

f*ck Sam! f*ck!

Well, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have made the move on my girlfriend!

She's not your girlfriend!

Just flip the breaker. I'll get the defibrillator.


Guys, I need you to stop partying!

Man, why are you trying to k*ll the party?

If you don't stop, this party's gonna k*ll you!

k*ller party bro!

Turn it up, DJ Van Dien!

You got it, Todd!


No! Casper, turn it down! Down!

Connor! What the hell is happening?

It's Larry.

Excuse me! This is a faculty lounge!

Yeah, I'm, uh, adjunct professor.

For what?


What was that?

Assholes. I... I teach proctology.

So could you give me some f*cking space here?

I don't think he can breath!

He's clutching his left arm.

Everyone, we learned this in class. These are classic signs of a heart att*ck.

What do you do?

I don't know!

I just want to be an interior decorator!

Someone get me the crash cart!

You're great.

That was a test, everybody.

You passed. You should be very proud of your studying and your hard work. You're all gonna be heroes!

No class on Monday for anybody!


We need to get these people out of here.

Hey! Stop eating those orbs!


We had something.

Yeah, we did. But...

We all do!

Party of the century! Yeah!


Damn it!


Don't you die on me, Larry.

Don't you die on me.

Party of the century!


Shut up, Larry!

Shut up!

Stay in the basement, Larry!

Have fun with the dogs, Larry.

'Cause that's what you are!

A big, stupid dog.

Loser Larry. Loser Larry.

Loser Larry.

What the hell is happening?

Oh shit.

I think he's about to cra...

Ah shit!

You're not gonna die on king daddy Berkman's watch, ya little bitch!


Wow. You are really holding it together, Miss Lady.

A lot better than your buddy, Sam, is.

All right. What do you say we take this up a notch, huh?

Let's get those shoes off. Hobbs?

Berkman: Wait! Wait, wait, wait.

I'll tell you about the black hole.

Berkman, what are you talking about?


Yeah. Just come here.


What did he say?

Well, he said that my mother's vagina is the black hole.


And also something about a goatze.

Does anybody know what the f*ck a goatze is?

Google it, assh*le!

Berkman, stop f*cking around!

Agent Hobbs?

Please remove the subject's pants.

My pleasure.

Who's the subject? Am I the subject?

Am I the subject? What are you doing?

Cut it out!

This is gonna change you!

Hold still.

Hey! You can't come back... Why are you smiling?!

No, no, no! Damn it, Larry!

Wake up, you bizarre bastard!


Wake up!


f*ck you, Larry!

Don't you die on me!

Okay, I know I treat you like shit, and I call you bad names.

And I said that you're worthless, but you're not.

Okay? You're better than me.

So just... If you're in there, and you can hear me...

Just please, Larry.

Just come back for me, okay?


Yes, Larry!

What the f*ck was that?

Sam, Berkman, is anyone out there?

Connor, are you guys all right?

Barely! What the hell is going on?

Well, what's going on is that Larry keeps dying on me and I keep having to be a total hero and save the day.

So if you see him, can you tell him that he owes me?

He owes me big time!

Ah, he's d*ad again.

Got him back.

How's the power situation?

I don't know. Sam's working on it!

Sorry, sorry!

Dean Samuelson!

Co... caine.

Sam? What, uh, what are you doing here? What's up?

Well, I was hoping that you could help with those power breakers. We had a glitch in the lab.

Yes! Yes!

Yes! I can help you. I can help you with the breakers.

I do that. I'm helping people.

You wanna do a bump?

A cocaine bump?

When in Rome. Let's go to Rome.

I shouldn't.

Do a little bumpski with the Dean.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so.

Yeah, I think so.

What's going on?

We need everybody to form a straight line!

Please begin exiting in an orderly fashion!

Not you, Casper Van Dien! You're not real!

Very cool!

Stop dying, Larry!

What the hell is going on?!

Connor, you gotta get the people out, right now!

'Cause I don't know how much juice I got left in these things.

We gotta get the f*cking power back on.

Oh, get the power back on. That's Sam's job!

Ah ah, here we go. ***. Right here.

Now, here's the deal. I talked to the guy and all we really need to do is we need to flip the switch, then we wait 15 seconds.

I wanna say he said 15 seconds. ***

Then we just switch it back.


All right? Does that sound good?

Great, great, great, great. Let's do it.


Here we go.


You have to promise me you won't talk to your dad about any of my you know, criminal background.

Criminal bac...

I thought you were just stealing the money?


Exactly! Just financial impropriety!

I don't have anything to hide!


OK. There we go.

We need to get out of here right now!

We can't just leave everyone here.


Come on!

We need to count!






You can help. Four.

Oh, typical Larry.



You can feel the tension.




Mother f*ck!

Fifteen one thousand!


Oh my God. You know, on retrospect, I think he said 30 seconds. Let's wait 30 seconds.

I think that's what we should do. Come on.

What? Oh, Jesus.
















Here we go!

Alright, hold on.

Hold on, that's the switch to room 209.

That's my office. I am so high.

And I apologize. I'm really high as a bug.

It's your office?!

Get out of here!

OK. On, on, on, on, on.

These are all on!

Except for this one.

f*ck it!



The pain just kind of comes in waves, doesn't it?

How you doing, Mr. Berkman?

Feels like the...

Time I got the clap from your mom.

Well, you know, coincidentally, she was a prost*tute, but...

I think I turned out okay.


t*rture's not my thing.

Tell us what you know.

He doesn't know shit!

Tell me, Connor.

Where did the hole come from?

Connor, do you know something or not?

Was it the brain frame?


Did you come in contact with dark matter?

Aliens or celestial beings?

Aliens? Who the f*ck are you people?!

I have nothing to say.

What happened, Connor?

f*ck you.

What happened, Connor?

I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Well, why isn't anybody else waking up?!


What was that thing?

What thing?

It had red eyes and it was just...

Vaporizing people.

Like a bad dream?

No! It was...

It was just something else.

It was like...

It was real.

It all feels real in there.

No, it was...



Khaibit, the shadow man.

All nightmare mythology has a version of him.

From Carl Jung to the ancient Egyptians.

Yeah, yeah, the Egyptian shadow man.

Did you hear that Larry? We're gonna get you outta there, ' cause it's just the Egyptian shadow man. He's a real nice guy. Cool?

What are you talking about?!

Just give me a second, Berkman!

Is he...


No, none of them are d*ad.

It's like a coma?

Yeah, you could say that.

Well, this party f*cking sucked.

How do we get them back?

How do we bring who back?

Oh! The power's on!

I did that! I did that, you guys! Oh!

Oh. Hey guys.

How's it going?

Is that cocaine on your nose?

Oh! Sorry.

Anyway, long story... actually, kind of a short story.

Dean Samuleson, huge cokehead it turns out.

He gave me a little bit of coke; I did it.

I highly recommend it.

Mother f*ck!

Look at them! Look at them, Sam!

You did this! You blackmailed me into using that machine!

This is your fault! Your fault!

I'm sorry...

OK? I didn't mean to...

Tell us now!

I'm sorry, Connor, this is all my fault.

No, it's mine.

I let this go too far.

You ruined my work!

You ruined my work!

I was only using you for your father's money.

I never liked you.

Nobody likes you.

I got the power back on.

And worst of all...

I put the science second, and the money first.

Damn it!


You were...

You were a good assistant.

You deserve better than this.

I'm so sorry.

I'll take good care of Mr. Peanuts.

I promise.

And that night...

After you left the lab...

I swore I would never, ever be that reckless again.

And that I would do anything...

I could to get Larry back.

What did you do after I left?

It's complicated.

What did you do?!

I'm sorry I was such a terrible friend.


This better be good.

Your son.

I've been following him.

Anything that can thr*at my nomination?

You need to get down here.

What's Samuel involved in?

It's not Sam.

It's his friends.


Mr. Nagahauro, my people will send your people wiring instructions.

Oh, and tell your wife I'll be late for dinner tomorrow.

I have another pressing engagement that needs my attending.


***. The science building, it's coming down!

It's all over the news, Twitter, everywhere.


You guys have any idea what you've done?

Do you even think about the f*cking shit storm that you're causing out there?


What do you want to do?

k*ll the girl.


They're bluffing.

You know, I gotta tell you, this is my second least favorite part of this job.

My least favorite part is all the paperwork.

Just never ends.

Wait, wait, wait, this is crazy, OK?

Connor, if you know something, you f*cking tell them!

It's not worth it!


I'll tell you.

Berkman We can't stall any longer.

What? Stall?


Some stuff went down after you left the lab.

What kind of stuff?

OK. The u-haul should be ready in an hour.

Let's wait 'til dark and then start loading them in.

And we're sure this is the best idea?


We have to get them out of here to at least buy us some time.

This is a private sleep study!

Dr. Wittington?

Where's my son?

We haven't seen him since last night.

We had a...

Bit of a falling out.

Uh, Mr. Wittington, I'm Berkman.

I just want to say, this is not what it...

It's doctor, f*ck face.

He knows krav maga.

He hasn't been here in a day?

Yes, sir.

Good. Make sure he doesn't return.

We've got a lot of work to do here.

What are you trying to tell us?

Seems pretty clear to me.

Crystal f*cking clear!

You think this is a f*cking game? Uh, you son of a bitch?

Maybe I'll end your f*cking life. Do all of us a God damned favor.

How about that, uh?

You keep thinking the rift was an accident.

But when the science is right, there are no accidents.

g*n down.

Say it, Connor.

In plain-spoken English.

We did it.

We made it.

We created the rift on purpose.

Why in the hell would you do that?

So you guys would just walk us right in here.

We know what this place is.

And you wanted to get caught.

It was the only way in.

In for what?


What are you doing here?

Cleaning up your f*cking mess.

Yeah, about time.

Took you long enough.

Oh, and Sam.

Happy Birthday.

Now let's go save Larry.
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