01x08 - Church

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Divorce". Aired: October 2016 to August 2019.*
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"Divorce" revolves around a couple going through a long, drawn-out divorce.
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01x08 - Church

Post by bunniefuu »

(music playing)

♪ Well, I'm-a sittin' down in San Antone ♪
♪ Waitin' on an 8:00 train... ♪


Ugh.

♪ My woman left me here last night... ♪

Gross.

♪ Things ain't been quite the same ♪
♪ I gotta get back to Dallas ♪
♪ And tie up a few loose ends ♪
♪ I'm gonna work a week, make a hundred dollars ♪
♪ Aw, and hit the road again ♪
♪ So, I don't want you to think ♪
♪ That you're the first one ♪
♪ To leave me out here on my own ♪
♪ 'Cause this ain't gonna be the first time ♪
♪ This ole cowboy spent the night alone... ♪


Woman: Frances.

(gasps)

Hey!

Hey!

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you for inviting me.

Well, I thought this is the most fun way to talk shop, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for helping us fill this position.

I want to introduce you to Emmett Schabb.

He's one of our Vice Chairmen.

Yeah, no, I... I know who Emmett Schabb is.

We throw quite a few of these every year, and the job of organizing them is fairly intense.

Yeah.

That's why our events coordinator is VP-level.

I mean, we need the absolute best, and we pay accordingly.

I see. Oh, wow! That Lucian Freud is one of my favorites.

You know, that's the only self-portrait he did with his children?

And then he, um... (chuckles) he stuffed them in the corner as like a... as a joke.

That's right. Good eye.

Thank you.

So, the position is front-facing.

We need a people person with great contacts.

Yeah, you need investors, you need branding executives, you need PR reps.

No, I... I know a bunch of those.

But we also like our executives to have an art background with taste.

I mean, someone like you would actually be great.

We need to fill the position in two months, so once you put together a short list of candidates, I'll premeet them and then Emmett will...

I'd like to be considered.

Sorry?

Well, I... I mean, I don't want to, uh, sound immodest, but I actually think I would be really great for this job.

I mean, my whole career is built on my contacts.

I... you know, art is... is really, in fact, indeed my true passion.

I'm about to open a gallery in Hastings.

Really?

Aren't you still full-time at Chapman-Tyler?

No, yeah, I am, but, again, you know, executive placement isn't exactly, like, my real passion.

So, if it's... if it's not crazy, I really would like very, very much to be seriously considered as a candidate.

And I will put myself up against the very best that I can find.

Well, it's certainly crazy, but I like it.

All right.

Send in your CV. Excuse me.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

I think I'm clean now, Diane.

Are you? Are you really clean?

I don't think so.

What about this?

Oh!

(chuckles)

See, this is dirty.

Yes. Hey, that's enough.

That's... it's... that's as clean as it gets.

It's so dirty.

So dirty.

Mm.

You know, these last few weeks, you taking care of me like this, it's made me think.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It makes me think you would make such a great mom.

What?

Really.

You're a natural caretaker.

Yeah, but this is obviously very different.

I mean, you're an adult man and I just grabbed your d*ck.

That's not, like, the kind of thing you do to a baby.

Well, you always wanted to adopt.

We talked about it a lot.

Maybe we should think about it.

This could really be the right time.

Yeah, but I don't know.

It just kind of seems like we're doing fine just... just on our own, you know?

And remember the last time I brought up adoption?

You said that all adopted babies have fetal alcohol syndrome or the Asian ones all become goth when they grow up.

A lot's happened since then.

I think about things a little differently now.

I mean, an experience like the one I had really gives you clarity.

It gives you some perspective.

Of course, of course.

I just feel busy now taking care of you and...

Yeah, but I'm fine.

You could take that energy and put it toward a baby instead of an adult man.

Mm-hmm.

A little, fat baby. (chuckles)

I mean, what do you think?

Are you kidding me?

(Dallas laughs)

Are you serious?

What? What?

Oh, my God! Thank you.

Okay, yeah!

What happened?

Okay, thank you. Bye.

Come on, what happened?

What is it?

It's not official yet, but they're... they're putting together an offer for me.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes.

Wow, wow.

Fantastic! Congratulations.

Thank you. I know!

I finally get to work in a field that I really wanna work in, that I'd actually enjoy.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, you know.

Yep.

I mean, I don't wanna get my hopes too high, you know?

Something could fall through, but it's a good sign, right?

Is that Robert?

Hmm?

Robert.

Is that a church?

What, is... is he getting a car wash?

No, it looks like he just got out and he's talking to the Father guy.

This is my daughter Lila.

Dallas: Wow, look at that outfit.

It's actually not horrible.

What is going on?

I don't know.

Robert doesn't go to church.

And he brought the kids?

Why aren't they crying? I don't understand.

Oh!

Oh, oh!

Frances: He's leaving. Okay, good.

What if they're going to another church?

(line ringing)

Robert: Yello?

Hey.

Hey! How's every little thing with you today?

Just, uh, you know, wanna see how the kids are.

See if, you know, you guys did anything special today or...

Oh, man, every day is special with my guys.

We started off with a big breakfast at this Mexican diner I found, then did a little bit of sightseeing.

And then we hit church.

You... you hit what?

Church. We hit church.

We met this guy from the FBI named Jim, and now we're at the archery range.

Since when do you go to...

Wait, hang on a second.

Tom, tell your mom about your bull's-eye.

Oh, yeah.

Tell your mom about your bull's-eye.

Yeah, it was pretty cool! I almost got two, actually.

It's a lot harder than it looks.

Really?

That's great, sweetie.

Yeah, I mean, 'cause the instinct is to hold your breath when you sh**t, but you actually have to breathe through the whole thing.

That's right, that's right. Just like an Indian.

Oh, that's super cool.

Uh, so, what's the... what's the deal with you guys going to church today?

Was... was there, like, a... like, a kid's band or a charity sale or something?

No, it was just Reverend Mike doing the benediction.

The benediction?

Yeah. I mean, it was pretty fun.

Does your dad go a lot, you know, to... to church?

Is he a regular at church?

Lila: Go!

Robert: Whoo!

Oh, sh*t! Nice.

Look! That's awesome!

Oh, I gotta go. Bye.

Wait! Tom! Tom!

Reverend Mike?

What the f*ck?

That is so good. If you hit that consistently, you would be on the Olympic team.

Okay? Tom, come check this out.

Look at that. She got it right in the blue just barely outside of the red.

Lila, that is so outstanding. You're like Ted Nugent.

(chuckles)

Look, if I needed you to, do you think you could k*ll?

Yeah, maybe!

I mean, I got six bull's-eyes in gym class when we did the archery unit.

That is outstanding! You're excelling at something.

That's awesome! What about you, buddy?

What are you rocking at school lately?

I got an A-plus in my reptile project about nonvenomous snakes.

That's amazing!

I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud.

Come on. Let me just hug you, just for a second.

I know it's not cool, but, you know, I...

Dad, are you okay?

I'm super okay!

I really am. Hey, I just had a great idea.

What about hot milkshakes?

(gasps) Yes!

Hot milkshakes, right?

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Milkshake bear! Arr!

(screams)

Milkshake bear!

Milkshake bear! Milkshake bear!

(Lila giggles)

Hello?

Robert: Yep, in here!

(electricity buzzing)


What's going on?

Look.

Look, she's basking. (chuckles)

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Mom, she's nonvenomous.

No, I don't care.

Take... take it back to wherever it came from.

She was so sad at the store. Her cage was tiny.

And her friend was dead.

Well, I'm sorry about her friend, but, well, then go have her live at your father's house.

No, she should stay here with the kids so they can learn how to take care of her.

I mean, this little lady starts to molt, they might have to help her with her skin.

Robert, you can't keep making these unilateral decisions that affect all of us.

Do you have any idea what it... what it takes to, you know, care for a snake?

Yeah, I got this pamphlet... "How to Take Care of Your Pet Snake."

I'm not asking you, I'm asking Tom.

I mean, you give it food and water, and you have to make sure it doesn't escape.

No, guys. This is... this is it's an ill-conce... unworkable plan, and I... I already have ideas for this room, all right?

And it didn't include turning it into a snake pit.

Yeah, I noticed you moved out all my office stuff.

Tom, Tom! It's okay, it's okay. We're not fighting. It's okay.

And I'm not mad at you. You're not the adult.

No, no, it's... I get that.

I just have to get my stuff so I can go over to Kevin's.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Ah, man, a lot of memories in here.

What are you gonna do with this room?

Listen, if we're gonna co-parent or I don't know... whatever we're gonna call it... then we have to start making these decisions together.

Okay?

You're right.

And I'm... I'm getting all of my books out of storage and I'm gonna make this like a... you know, making it like a reading room.

A reading room! That's outstanding.

That sounds really cozy.

You gonna put a fireplace in here?

What's going on with you?

What do you mean?

I mean, you're acting... you're acting pretty weird lately.

By "weird," do you mean "happy"?

I don't know how I would characterize it.

I'm just saying I think you're, you know, I don't know.

You're smiling all the time. I hear you wear suits.

You go to church.

(chuckles)

Sounds like my secret's out.

Yeah, I never really saw myself on this path before, but, uh, you know, after I moved out, away from you and the kids, I was pretty lonely and looking for somebody to talk to, so I... I turned to the Big Guy.

And the Big Guy is God?

The Big Guy is God and He's been a good friend to me.

I mean, the smiles?

You know, I've been feeling pretty content.

But what about you, you know? How's Frances doing?

Are you really asking me?

'Cause, um, if you're really asking me, I'm... I just got a really amazing job offer at Sotheby's.

Really?

Yeah.

So, I'm pretty content, too.

That's wonderful. I'm really thrilled for you.

Why?

Because I want you to be happy.

You know, as happy as I am.

I mean, we got a lot of wonderful memories here and a lot of wonderful years together.

I just... look at us now, you know?

We're thriving.

Uh, yeah, okay.

The snake goes.

You know what? Sleep on it, huh?

I mean, not literally, 'cause she'll bite you on the bottom, but let's, uh... let's shake to friendly co-parenting.

All right, you tapped it out.

That's cool.

All right. All right, see you kids later.

Bye, Dad!

Bye, Dad!

I'll bring the feeder mice by tomorrow.

They're called pinkies.

Usually frozen. Little snake snacks.

Good night!

(door opens)
He's just so happy all of a sudden.

You know, like, he's just handling everything so well.

Could be a trick.

You mean simply to f*ck with me?

Yes, definitely. And it's working.

Well, if it's not a trick... and I don't like to admit this...

I am really not happy that he's so happy.

Well, that's a very common feeling.

A lot of my patients get...

Hey.

Oh, hello.

(clattering)

(liquid pouring)


I'm Riley, Cole's girlfriend.

Hi, Riley. I'm Frances.

Nice to meet you.

Likewise.

(door closes)

She seems nice.

She's a slut.

No.

No, look how she walks around my house, rubbing her scent on everything.

Drinking water 'cause she's so thirsty from all the good f*cking she's gotten.

(chuckles) Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I just... I wanted you to talk about you today, so why don't we just focus on the new job, right?

Did you get the money worked out?

Well, it's not polite to talk about money, but, you know, it's a lot.

See? That's great!

You got a job that you actually liked and a raise, minus Robert's half, so that's actually... well, that'll end up pretty good.

I know, it's such good timing, right? Wait, wait, wait, what?

I said that's still a lot.

No, minus Robert's half?

You said "minus Robert's half."

Yeah, well, you're not divorced yet, so if you take the job, that becomes part of Robert's standard of living.

No, no, I don't think that's correct. That's not how it works.

That's how it worked for Julie Reddick. Remember?

From Cole's school who started the yoga pant company that went into IPO two weeks before she kicked her husband out?

And he never has to work again, and he never even believed in those pants.

Robert would never do that.

Not now.

Did you tell him about the job?

Yeah.

How'd he take it?

He seemed... very happy.

Yeah. Wouldn't you be if you were getting six figures a year to do nothing because your wife got a big, new job?

Yeah, I gotta hit the road.

That can't really be the law, right, Max?

I mean, it seems neither fair nor equitable for me to be penalized for being the primary breadwinner.

Max: Slow down, my dear.

What, and just because I work harder and I stand to make more, then he benefits?

The short answer is yes.

He could make a claim that your income counts as joint assets and establish a standard of living...

(siren wails)

...regardless of the date of separation.

It does happen. One moment, now.


Let me just grab a pen.

Ma... Max?

Honey? Did you take my pen?

Max, do you need a pen right now?

Woman: In your hand!

No, not this one. My good one.

Max? Oh, Lordy.

Woman: That is your good one.

Max: Was the cap always this color?

Ugh, Max.

I was hoping to defer the official start date for a prespecified length of time.

Defer?

Yeah.

It's commonplace, as you know, in cases of pregnancy and illness.

(elevator dings)

Standard operating procedure.

Um, are you pregnant?

Oh, God, no! That would be a miracle.

No, no, no.

Sick?

No, no, no, no, no. Everything's fine.

There... there are just some, um, unforeseen financial ramifications concerning my ex-husband... my soon-to-be ex-husband, so hence the deferment.

Oh, I see.

Are you divorced?

No. My wife passed away.

Oh, no. I'm so... I'm so sorry.

Well, bear with me because, um, this is a little bit all over the place right now.

But, okay, just to nutshell it, the upside is I am willing to work for you for free for six months, okay?

You get all my contacts, my skills, my expertise, my passion for the arts, the whole package.

Then I would start officially after the deferment period.

Sounds like a pretty good deal, right?

(elevator dings)

Oh, okay.

We don't usually let our employees work for free.

Yeah, no, I thought you might say that because you're an ethical man.

Um, but memo item five... it's the next page... next page.

Yeah. Sorry.

I don't have my glasses. I would help you find it.

But anyway, the point is that memo item five addresses this contingency.

In that case, you could award me a bonus at the end of the first year, making up for the six months.

Or not, or not. You... I mean, I don't know.

Maybe you have some ideas that we could kick around?

Uh, just give... just give it a think-think.

Courtney: Frances?

Oh, hey!

What are you doing here?

Well, actually, I came to see you, you know, to discuss the... the deferral plan that I emailed you about, which, again, I just feel is a win-win for all of us.

You could've just called me.

No, I know that.

I thought... but you know what it is?

It's just... this is a little bit unorthodox, so I felt like in person.

But do... we can discuss initial reactions.

We definitely can't do this.

No. It makes no sense for us.

Okay. That's not a problem.

Nor is it a deal breaker.

I'm just... I'm just floating trial balloons, you know, as one does.

So, Courtney, do you wanna walk me down?

I'm pretty busy here, so...

Oh, got ya. Yeah, excellent, excellent.

Look, listen... looking forward to continuing the dialogue as this all develops.

Okay. And should I touch... I'll touch base with you on Monday, right?

Let's do that.

Okay, okay.

Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.

(button clicks)

(elevator dings)

(people laughing)


Hornet's nest. Oh, man.

Listen, do you mind if I share with the group?

Of course not, Robert.

Thank you, Brother Jim.

I just wanna say how much I've really enjoyed my new fellowship here.

We love having you. You're already like part of the family.

Thank you, Mag.

What about those dark times, Robert?

You doing okay?

You know, it's got a lot to do with my soon-to-be ex-wife.

She's on her own journey.

You know, her own road to Damascus, if you will.

All: Mmm.

But I just... I'm trying to find it in my heart to wish her well, but it's tough.

Believe you me, it's tough.

I mean, especially considering the way she spread it for another guy.

Yeah. I mean, sorry, ladies.

I know that that's, uh, a little... a little crude, but it's true.

It's what she did.

He's an art professor, this French assh*le.

You know, he cleaned his brush up in there pretty good.

Yeah, yeah.

Yep.

Yeah, I've got something for him, though.

Yeah.

(chatter)

(line ringing)

(sighs)

Courtney: Hello?

Hey, Courtney. It's Frances.

Oh. Hi.

Hi.

Sorry everything got so muddled yesterday.

Um, anyway...

(elevator dings)

I just thought that I should give you the head's up that I'm gonna be passing on the job.

Right.

Right. It's just not a great time right now.

(chuckles) As you might've gathered.

Oh, well, yes. Um, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, me, too.

Um, but I'm... you know, I'm still putting together a really solid slate of candidates for you.

Oh, no, that's okay.

We're just gonna retain another firm for our executive-searching needs.

Less messy, right? Fresh start.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Fresh start.

Yeah.

Well, um, so, see ya!

Yeah, okay. I'll see you.

And, listen, let's not be strangers, you know?

Do you wanna... do you wanna...

(line ccks)

Most of Eakins's nudes were of men, but I find his women even more compelling.

(wrapper crinkling)

Notice the herrealism of the pubic mons, the bottom-heavy breast.

The somber expression on the model's face is very atypical for nudes of this period.


Is Eakins simply capturing reality, or is he maybe having a little bit on with us?

(students chuckling)

Let's unpack this. I open the floor.

Yes. The gentleman in the back.

Perhaps the artist did not see these women as human beings.

Perhaps they were nothing more than objet de perverted animal desire.

(students chuckling)

Uh, well... (chuckling) that's not the traditional reading.

But anyone else?

Robert: Perhaps he only saw them as tools.

Tools to do his filthy bidding and then discard as a Frenchman will do.

Well, uh, some interesting observations there.

(students chuckling)

Thank you.

Except that Eakins was not French.

(bell rings)

All right.

Can everyone please read Wood in your packets?

And hand in your free-form responses to your TAs.

Thank you, everyone.

(exhales)

Bonjour, Julian.

sh*t!

(pants) Who are you?

I'm Robert DuFresne.

You f*cked my wife.

Frances DuFresne.

Oh.

Well... for your information, I'm not French.

(laughs) Oh, Julian.

(sighs)

I have something for you, though.

Uh, it's...

I think you know the right thing to do, Julian.

Listen, I really... I don't know what to do with this.

I prefer not to have...

Oh, here. Let me help you out with that.

Put it right in here next to your pudding cup.

(chuckles)

Oh, Julian.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

(grunts)

You are forgiven!

You have a nice day.

Okay.

I will.

(door closes)

(sighs)

(electricity buzzing)

Tom!

(music playing)

♪ I've never seen the light that people talk about ♪
♪ You open up my wallet and dust falls out ♪
♪ That's all right with me ♪
♪ Because the songs that I'll sing ♪
♪ Won't be blue ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause, honey, you and I ♪
♪ No more lonely nights ♪
♪ I'll never make the headlines or the evening news... ♪


The plug isn't gonna reach.

Well, you know where the extension cords are.

In the kitchen.

♪ Oh, but the song that I sing ♪
♪ Won't be blue ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, 'cause, honey, you and I ♪
♪ Ooh, you and I ♪
♪ No more lonely nights ♪


♪ Take me there ♪
♪ The truth, the faith I have in you ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ It's our melody ♪
♪ It's what we do together ♪
♪ My Jesus ♪
♪ You open up my heart ♪
♪ You make me laugh when I'm feelin' down ♪
♪ No more lonely nights ♪
♪ No more lonely nights ♪
♪ No more lonely nights ♪
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