01x06 - The Secret of the Sinister Ceremony

[bunniefuu]

Drew: ♪ Is it Gavin or is it Ted? ♪
♪ Is it Nanny Daddy, a.k.a. Chuck? ♪
♪ There's no way to know ♪
♪ With nothing but dumb luck ♪
♪ We got nothing, nothing good ♪
♪ Just a blouse tossed in the woods ♪

Drew, don't you got to go meet up with your folks pretty soon?

Like... like, now, right?

Dory, can we cover this up or something, all right?

I don't want my folks thinking that you're some mentally unstable conspiracy theorist or some crap.

That's what they said about Galileo, right?

Yeah. Galileo also d*ed a prisoner in his own home.

Did he?

Can I be honest with you?

This stuff scares me, all right?

And that's hard for me to tell you 'cause I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything like that, but this is scary to me, okay?

Drew, you don't have anything to worry about, and you definitely don't have to worry about hurting my feelings.

What was wrong with how things were before?

Dory, I liked how things were.

Look, I know what I'm doing, okay?

I'm gonna pop in, nothing crazy, and Elliott and Portia are gonna be with me, so, you know, you really don't have to worry.

And if something really bad happens, you'll stop?

I mean, of course.

But nothing bad's gonna happen.

But if it does, you'll stop?

Yes. Absolutely.

Okay.

I'll stop.

Okay.

But nothing bad's gonna happen.

Dory. Lord.

Will you please just not do anything stupid?

All right, I'll see you.

Fine. Hey, I'll see you at dinner?

Yeah.

[Door shuts]

Cool. Love you, too.

Jesus.

♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪

Elliott: This is Sabiti.

Portia: Oh!

She was my favorite!

She ran faster than all the boys, and all the kids would call her "Duma," which is "cheetah" in Swahili.

Wow!

Dory, what did I just say?

Um, that "duma" means "cheetah" in Swahili.

Okay, and who would the children call "Duma?"

I-I don't know.

It's so obvious when you're not listening to me.

I'm just... I'm trying to navigate, you know?

[Scoffs]

Oh, my God. Is that Cher?

Yeah, she was staying at my hotel.

Oh!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Your names?

Um, my name is Dory Sief. Brick invited me.

Ah, Dory, of course.

Um, I hope it's okay I brought some friends.

Hi.

Brick said I should bring a friend.

Um... sure.

[Sighs] Wait here.

Let me just check.

You guys. You guys, this is awkward, okay?

We didn't get invited.

We can accommodate you.

Great.

But no phones beyond this point.

You can leave them in this bowl.

Um... [laughing] no.

I can't do that.

I've got a pretty severe... medical condition.

No phones allowed. So, if you plan to rely on it, you should excuse yourself now.

[Coughs] Okay.

I'll just [coughs] be strong and ignore my symptoms.

[Coughs]

Thank you.

Okay, if someone named Patricia Arquette calls, I need you to get me immediately.

It's very important.

Ah! That was spectacular.

Was it?

Oh, I knew I recognized her.

She was on "Nurse Jackie."

<i>Hey, this is Dory. Leave a message.</i>

[ Beep]

Hey. Hey. So, we're here.

You know how my parents like to constantly be early for no reason. [Chuckles]

So, anyway, no rush, but if you get here early, too, we're here, so... uh, yeah.

Hope you didn't join a cult.

[Chuckles] So... Just kidding.

But seriously.

Um, okay.

Love you. Bye.

Dory, I can't believe you didn't tell us this was a dinner party.

We didn't even bring wine. It's so rude.

Well, you saw the flyer.

It didn't say anything about what it was, exactly.

Yeah, but still, to have not shown up with wine, it's beneath me, Dory.

It's fine.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Come here.

"Bellow & Hare... a group of folks who are forever engaging, always learning, constantly creating, perpetually curious."

I love that.

Me, too.

Elliott?

Casey!

[Both laugh]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Casey, you look amazing.

And pregnant.

Oh, stop.

I'm so big and ugly.

Oh, no.

I've never been happier.

I can tell.

Who's the lucky guy? [Chuckles]

[Laughs]

Okay. I got you. [Chuckles]

Um, can I just, uh, steal Portia for sec?

Oh.

Okay. Bye. Thank you.

See you guys in a second.

It's enchanting.

It's like you could stumble upon a unicorn grazing with its foal at any moment.

Sun beams and lambs.

Are you guys talking about Beacon?

'Cause, like, everyone I know is buying real estate there.

I was talking about Doolin. Ireland.

Sorry, um, I'm Dory. We met a couple days ago.

Yeah, I don't know if you remember me.

Dory! I'm so glad you came!

Thanks. Me, too. This is my friend Portia.

Hi!

Hi, Portia!

I love your store. It's so not me, but I love it.

Thank you.

We didn't know that it was, um, you know, such a formal, you know, beautiful dinner party, but we have plans, so we might have to, you know, get out a little early, but I just wanted to let you know in advance, so...

Sweet, talented Dory.

Let's stay in the present.

Hi, guys! How are you?

You look gorgeous. And look at your cute dress.

How much do you spend?

Oh, is Dory not coming?

Oh, no. It's my fault.

Um, yeah, I didn't think we were gonna be coming right from the theatre, so I told her 7:30.

Silly me.

She knows she's always welcome to join us on our shopping days, right?

'Cause we invite her every time, and every time, she can't make it.

I just hope she feels welcome.

Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah.

She... I mean, she loves you guys.

She loves... she loves everybody, it's, uh... she has a very demanding life, so...

Okay, thank God.

I told you it wasn't us. [Chuckles]

So, sorry. What is dinner again?

Oh, depends. They try to time it like an hour before the moment, but it never works out.

[Both chuckles]

Sorry, what's the moment again? Just...

I know, right?

[Laughs]

[Nervously chuckles]

That is gorgeous.

[Chuckles]

That is just... Oh, my gosh.

What do you think it's made out of?

Wood.

You must know so much about art.

[Chuckles]

Do you come here often?

Yeah. I have to.

Why?

Let me say this.

Mm-hmm.

I'm up at 7:00 a.m. every morning, I'm grateful, and I am alive.

Good for you. That's so...

Oh, my gosh. If you come here a lot, you might know my friend Chantal.

What?

What?

Would you excuse me for a second?

My hands are dirty, and I need to wash them.

Yeah, you do you.

Okay.

Go get 'em.

Do you have kids?

Me? No.

Do you want them? They'd be gorgeous.

Oh. [Chuckles] Yeah.

They would be very freckly, that's for sure.

Your freckles are exquisite.

Oh, thanks. No. Yeah. I don't know.

Dory.

Hmm?

I get the sense that your modesty comes from a place of shame and doubt and immense pain.

How do you feel about who you are?

I think I'm, um...

I think I'm trying... I'm trying to be a good person, and, uh... yeah, I don't know.

I feel very emotional all of a sudden.

You're kind, you're stunning, you're important.

I'm so glad you came back.

Yeah.

Do you guys ever feel like the moment is, like, scary?

I don't think that's a very respectful point of view.

Same.

You know what? I think we're just gonna, like, take a quick breather.

We'll see you in a sec. Yeah.

Elliott, I can't keep pretending like I know what these people are talking about.

I'm getting the heebie-jeebies. I'm getting, like, jumpy.

I know. I know.

And<i> everyone</i> is pregnant, right?

Everybody is pregnant.

I've never seen so many...

Hey. Guys, do you know what time it is?

This watch is just for show.

No. All these clocks are, like, set to different time zones.

Yeah. Okay.

I feel like we should probably go soon.

Please!

Please!

Okay, but, Elliott, who's that woman that you knew when we walked in?

Okay, so, she was a P.A. for this, like, terrible short film about, like, a musician who falls in love with a deaf girl.

And the filmmaker wanted, like, Victor Garber to play the musician.

And I was like, "Well, no."

You know what I mean? It's like Victor Garber doesn't even know what a short film is, you know?

No, but who's the woman?

Okay, sorry.

No, she worked on that short film.

Right.

All I'm saying is before tonight, I've, like, never seen her smile.

I mean, she's literally... she used to be, like, sullen and, like...

You know, we'd always be like, "Hey!" and she'd be like, "Hey." You know what I mean?

And she was always... And now she's [gasps]...

Like there's a brain transplant.

You guys, you guys, you guys. Okay, okay, okay.

I was talking to this guy, right?

And I was like, "Do you know my friend Chantal?"

He was like... "Who?"

That's weird, right?

Okay.

Um, what were you talking to Brick about?

Oh, um, nothing really.

Just kind of, you know, she's cool, actually.

I like... I like her.

Careful, Dory.

I know.

Hello.

Oh!

Hi. [Chuckles]

Do you mind... I'm so sorry.

Can I talk to you for a moment?

Okay, sure. Yeah.

Hi. I'm Dan, and I never do this, okay?

I swear that I never, ever, ever do this, but I am a clairvoyant.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

And, um, I would hate myself if I didn't tell you this, okay, but I keep having this vision.

You're standing in this room and everyone in the room is staring at you, and they're all like [gasps]...

Oh, my God.

I don't know precedes this, and I certainly don't know what follows it, but I just wanted you to know that.

It's all I can tell you, and I wish you well.

[Bell ringing]

Brick: Bounty! Bounty, everyone!

Hi, Dory!

You're gonna come with me.

Frank: Isn't she just a ray of sunshine?

Hey, bro, what's Dory's ETA?

Uh, I think she should probably be here pretty soon.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm starving and so is Jen.

Stop it, Reid.

Okay.

No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Really.

I've had a lot of water, so I'm, like, I'm full. I'm fine.

Yeah. Hey, guys. I think it's just...

We're cool to order, you know, and then I'll just get something that I think Dory would like, and then she can eat that later.

Great idea.

Sounds like a plan.

Perfect.

Where's my girlfriend?

Oh, stop.

[Cellphone ringing]

So, that's Alison. She makes homemade popsicles out of seasonal fruit and berries.

Mmm. They're delicious.

And that's Amy and Ollie.

I want you to meet everyone.

Hey, everybody.

This is Dory. She's an artist.

All: Hi, Dory.

She's my friend.

Hi, everybody. Hi.

Brick: Shh.

I see some new faces.

Yes. Thank you for having us.

To piggyback off of that, I'll say hi. [Chuckles]

Yeah, and to piggyback off of that, I'll just... say hi.

All right, let's begin.

If it's your first time, don't worry. You'll catch on.

[Laughter]

Do not go over there. It's terrible.

Pia.

You care to include everyone?

Oh. Sorry.

I was on a rant about that awful new coffee place.

Well, what were you saying?

Well, I heard that they chill their leftover drip coffee from the night before, call it "cold brew," and serve it to customers who will pay like $7 for it.

Wait. I'm sorry. Where is this?

Cardamom Tea Room.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, my friend was a barista there.

Well, it seems like you're really enjoying tearing them down, Pia.

I just think they need to be called out.

Gossip is a contaminant.

I mean, you know that.

It's not gossip. It's truth.

You always "you should speak your truth."

If you have a problem with someone, you tell that person.

For instance, Pia, you gave me the worst blow job of my life last night.

Because you were born with very thin lips.

I know.

You see, I'm telling<i> you</i> that. Not someone else.

See how that works?

Well, now you have two things to work on.

Excuse me.

I hope that that was more intriguing than painful.

But we should keep in mind... pain is neither good nor bad.

But it is there.

Absolutely.

Yes.

100%.

So, we're thinking of having Christmas in Key West this year.

What's everyone think of that?

Oh, my God. Great, right?

What?

No.

Exciting.

No, I don't want to go to Key West for Christmas.

What do you mean? Why?

Because Christmas is supposed to be cold and wintery and beautiful outside and full of snow.

Oh, my God. This is just like Cabo, Reid.

This is not just like Cabo.

It's exactly like Cabo.

I don't want to do this right now.

Oh, I know.

Frank: Sounds like a tie. Let's ask the waitress.

Liam. Share with us.

[Clears throat] Um...

I've been trying to suppress my incessant thought cycles that include brutal v*olence towards women... bashing their heads in with blunt objects, asphyxiating them with pantyhose, stuff like that.

But it's been hard because none of them will [bleep] me.

It makes me<i> furious!</i>

[Sighs]

That's all.

Together: We hear you.

I'm so sorry.

Um, is there a bathroom? I just need to...

Oh, no. We don't leave during acute intimacy.

Plus, we'd love to hear from our new friends.

Oh, um...

Okay. Um...

All right. Uh, I get advised by a lot of people... not my close friends... that I should sort of be, um, less girly and kind of more professional.

And I just... I don't know if it's wrong to think this.

I just think that you don't have to be one kind of woman, and I think that, like, I should be able to get my nails painted and also be smart, [Voice breaking] and a lot of people don't really think I'm that smart, and I think that's frustrating 'cause I think I'm my own kind of smart.

Um, and I know you're probably all thinking, like, "This girl's really conceited."

But we're sharing, so I thought I would just share.

Together: We hear you. We hear you, girl.

Thank you.

Dory. Can we hear from you?

Yes. Yeah, um...

Let's see. Um... well, I've actually been feeling, um, a little more confident lately, a little more comfortable in myself, which might sound weird after hearing such vulnerable stories.

But, um... I'm working on something new.

A friend of mine from college, Chantal, she went missing about three weeks ago.

And maybe you guys have seen "missing," you know, flyers for her or something. Or maybe you even knew her.

But, um... she's special.

And I will find her.

No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What do you... what do you think this is?

Acute intimacy.

I don't want to hear about... what is her name?

Chantal.

Chantal.

I don't want to hear about Chantal. We don't do that.

We don't tell other people's stories here.

Well, I was... I was gonna get to that.

You're not on the right pa...

[Woman screams]

It seems the moment is early.

I'm sorry. It's friends only.

You... you understand.

Brick said that we could...

The circumstances have changed, Dory.

I feel like we have to see what they're doing in there.

There's no way I'm going back in there.

Is what I said too braggy? I just...

I was trying to fill the silence.

I was in until I said "Chantal."

Did you see how they all tensed up the minute I brought up her name?

It's true.

Ooh!

Hi.

Get in, honey. Get in.

Thank you so much. Ooh!

Are you coming?

No. I'll see you guys later.

Don't die.

Dory, seriously!

All right, all right, all right.

Okay?

If you don't text me... I'll be scared.

Thanks, guys.

Hi. We're going to Williamsburg.

Can you take 10th Street?

[Sighs]

[Exhales sharply]

[Baby cries]

[Cellphone ringing]

[Gasping]

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Frank: Don't worry. Dad's got it. You're gold.

Thank you.

Hey. Where have you been?

We've been waiting.

I'm so sorry. They took our cellphones, Drew.

I mean, they gave them back, but they took them.

I didn't know what time it was.

And you wouldn't believe what they actually did in there.

Dory. Hey.

It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen!

Dory?

Yes.

I think my family would really appreciate it if you sincerely apologized.

Seriously?

We've been waiting, Dory!

Okay.

You missed the whole damn dinner!

Yes. Okay, okay.

Here we go.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

How you doing? I am so, so, so sorry that I'm so late and that I missed everything.

You know, it's a really long story with a lot of really extreme variables and, you know, I just... I don't know if you would be responsive to them, but, um, it was very rude of me, and it'll never happen again.

Honey, don't worry about it.

You know, mistakes happen.

We just hope you got something eat.

We understand.

Thank you. Yeah. I'm fine.

Good, thanks.

Okay.

So, it all makes sense. I mean, this cult is some kind of weird, like, birthy pregnancy club.

Hey.

And they all gather up.

Hey.

What?

The door's unlocked.

Did you not lock it when you left?

No, I definitely locked it, Dory.

What? Hold on.

Hello?

Hello?

Dory. Dory.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

All right, I'm gonna call 911.

Stay there.

[Breathing heavily]

It's the cult, Drew.

I gave them my name, and now they know where we live.

It's them.

It's them, for sure.