03x06 - Symphony of Red Tape

[bunniefuu]

(J.S. Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring")

Hey, thanks, man.

You okay, buddy?

I'm okay, I'm okay.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Okay.

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that.

Okay.

Yeah, working with Andrew Walsh was great, it was smooth and...

Okay, yeah, just give him a call and, um... we'll take it from there.

Thank you.

f*ck!

Dude.

Oh, my God, I've missed you so much.

(Grunts)

Ditto.

Why are you screaming "f*ck"?

Oh, I was just, like, this close to getting a sub gig in Houston, but it turns out that Andrew Walsh just, like, knows everyone, so...

So you're secretly stoked you won't have to mess with Texas?

I appreciate you.

(Chuckles)

Hailey: What's up with the outfit?

Lizzie: So I got really into this 1930s Czech composer named Vítêzslava Kaprálová.

She happens to look exactly like me.

I started singing some of her songs and they're...

They really got to me, so, yeah, I'm dressing like her now.

Of course you are.

Yeah. (Laughs)

Oh, my God. And I bought, um, a dive bar...

What?

With the rest of my uncle's money, yeah.

And I'm turning it into a 1930s Czech speak easy.

So, you're a bar owner.

Yeah.

And now you're dressing like a dead Czech lady.

Yeah.

How long have I been gone?

This is the one. (Sighs)

Sublet, sweet sub... Hello.

Are you Shawn?

Oh. Sebastian said, um... Well, I thought that you were gonna be in Prague.

Uh, Prague didn't happen. Come in, come in.

Okay.

He told me not to come, but it's fine.

It'll be great to have someone to talk to.

Welcome to the Ferndale.

Lizzie: So this is the gallery space.

And this is the performance space.

Wow.

And... do you notice any resemblance?

(Chuckles) Yeah.

She was, like, 25 when she d*ed.

Oh.

How much sh*t she wrote.

Orchestral suites, Czech art songs.

I would love you to do something for the opening, some oboe piece or something.

Yeah. Maybe.

This is... Where is it?

This is the one that I'm working on.

(Singing in Czech)

I guess everyone knows now.

Well, I think that's the least of your worries, darling.

Ha. I'm just going to keep a smile on my face, and everything will be fine.

Good, that's what you always do.

Maestro.

Bob. How are you?

Great, sir. How are you?

Wonderful to see you.

Maestro, welcome.

Oh, how nice to see you.

Did you have a good summer, everyone?

Bob: Oh, it was a little slow.

You look gorgeous.

Thank you.

Are the happy couple...

Thomas.

Listen, I think we're gonna get this settled.

Thomas.

Yes, darling, coming.

Hello.

Tanya: Hey.

Hailey.

Hi.

Welcome home.

Oh, thank you.

Is the Maestro coming?

Uh, no, he just kind of disappeared after the concert.

What's his thinking about the lock out? Is he gonna help us?

Uh, hi. Um, I don't know.

Nice to see you guys, too.

(Organ)

Hailey: Dee Dee. I had no idea.

Pastor Dee Dee of the online Church of the Collective Creator.

Nice bangs.

Thank you.

And look who's back from Hawaii.

Oh, what was it like playing with the Honolulu Phil?

Dreamy. Hey, kid.

Hi.

Oh, great cameo. Loved you flailing around on stage.

You saw that?

The whole world did, sweetie.

Where are you going?

Back in a second.

Betty.

Darling.

Missed you. Missed you too much.

Ohh, precious.

(Baby cooing)

Aloha, sweet baby.

Do you want to hold him?

Oh, f*ck, no. (Chuckles)

Management on one side, us on the other.

I see nothing's changed.

(Whispering) The bird is ready to fly.

Treat her well. Okay? That's all I ask.

What? It's supposed to be a coded conversation.

I say the bird's ready to fly, you say...

The bird...

Falcon.

Falcon, yes.

Not bird, falcon. The falcon has left the nest.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Um, and yes. Of course, I'll treat her well, not that it's any of your business.

Maestro. Love that eraseface song.

Welcome to earth, m*therf*ckers.

Number one in Korea.

Hey, look. The godfather's in the house.

Hey.

(Murmuring)

Come on down, Maestro.

How are you, man.

Good to see you, man.

Good to see you as well.

Hai Lai.

Hey.

We have to talk, eh? We have to talk.

Yes. Hey. Hey. Hello. Hi.

(All responding)

Bob: Maestro, Maestro, we're planning a solidarity concert.

Will you join us?

Vivalio. Vivaldi. Oh, I like this. Hey.

Thank you for coming back.

Thank you for coming back, Maestro.

No problem.

Your old room is waiting.

Actually, he's bunking with me, so...

An interesting idea.

You are?

Yes, the... Where... Where's the baby?

Where's the ba... Oh, hey, the baby.

Yes, of course. Yay!

Hey, how are you? Okay? Yes? Good.

Here's your goddaughter.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Yes, please.

(Baby cooing)

Oh, yes, I have her.

All right.

Yes. Hey.

Okay. Wow, she's grown so much.

Yeah. (Chuckles)

Wow. Okay. Well, everyone, Artists, management, welcome, welcome.

Sit down. Take a seat, take a seat, take a seat.

Let's do this. Okay, we are gathered here today for this beautiful Olivia. Hm? Yes?

Who, eh... Oh! We're also gathered here today for the beautiful parents, Virgil, who works with the numbers, and Christophe, who works with the violin.

They are both the most important for this baby.

Olivia, she comes to the world as a new song.

You know? Played for the first time.

She's like music.

Every time she cries, or she laughs, she takes us to a place that we don't know the name of.

Christophe, can you hold her by the feet, please?

Sure.

Yes, yes.

And Virgil, can you hold her by the hands?

Oh, yeah.

Please. Yeah?

You have the baby? You have the baby in your hands?

(Baby crying)

Now pull her apart!

Oh.

Tear her into two pieces.

'Cause that's what you've all done with music!

What the hell is he doing with my granddaughter?

No, don't worry, don't worry, Grandfather.

Don't worry. They won't hurt her.

Because they love her.

You don't hurt the thing you love most. Right?

You're damn right there, Maestro!

Thank you, Maestro, thank you.

And I'm sorry I abandoned you all. I'm sorry I left you.

I went away. I went away because I couldn't put myself to conduct this horrendous score, the symphony of red tape.

I think we all understand and appreciate the message.

Certainly, but it's more complicated than that.

It's simple, it's simple. I'll make it very simple.

In this place, in this church today, right now, with this amazing priest and this beautiful baby, we will solve the lock out with a locking you in.

(Gasping)

What's he talking about?

Rodrigo: Yes.

I never really know.

If you don't make a deal by today...

I quit.

No, please don't.

Please, please don't.

Yes, I quit. I quit.

I... Ciao, Rodrigo, ciao, ciao, ciao, yes.

But, if you do reach a deal, then you have me.

For whatever you want. You know?

As long as you want. Okay?

Right. Everyone, friends of the family and family themselves.

Please, if you wouldn't mind following Pavel out to the courtyard, where we have prepared a beautiful buffet.

And martinis for you all.

Well, what about the ceremony?

Oh...

Mother of Virgil, don't worry.

Don't... No, no, because, I mean, we can't have the christening in this...

In this atmosphere of hate and division, can we?

I think you're right, Maestro.

Good, then. Members of the orchestra and management, please stay here.

Everyone else, come on, let's clear the church right now.

Gloria: Rodrigo...

Let's go, everyone.

Rodrigo, there are no lawyers here.

I don't know how we can continue and make this...

She's right, she's right, it doesn't work like this.

You see, you both are agreeing already.

That's fantastic. That's a great start.

So you're in on this.

I'm sick and tired of this lock out bullshit.

Nonetheless, both of you maestros understand what the problem is...

The problem is money. Money, money, money, it's always money, right?

Yes. So, you know what, for the pot, I will add all my earnings I did in the Venice concerto.

And I made a lot of money for that.

I will cut my fee to half of whatever Pavel makes.

Do... Do you know how much Pavel makes?

No.

(Whispering)

After tax.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh. Okay, well, we'll manage, we'll manage.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

If you excuse me, I have to leave now.

I'm gonna watch a show.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna see a show.

A bubble show.

Gloria: You can't leave us here.

Rodrigo: You have your mission, I have mine.

Ciao, Rodrigo.

Hailey: Wait.

I need you to help me out with this.

I'm not even really in the orchestra.

We have to talk, you and I...

Rodrigo.

We have to talk. All right? We'll talk.

Rodrigo. Come on.

We'll talk later. I'm sorry, Hai Lai. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry but it had to be done.

Woman: It's locked.

Thomas: Yes, I just said that.

Bob: You ready?

I'm ready to step down.

What? Why?

She and I won't get there.

It's too personal. It can't be me leading this.

We need someone smart, aggressive, conniving.

Fine. I'll do it.

Bob, sorry, no.

What?

Betty. Hey, Betty.

Betty.

Okey dokey.

I'm on it.

(Indistinct chatter)

Windsor.

Betty.

I never really hung out in church much.

I hear there's supposed to be wine somewhere.

Uh-huh.

So at first, he was my meditation teacher, but then we just wound up having a lot of sex.

Ooh, my kind of priest. Cups?

Will these do?

Honey, I could drink out of a shoe.

Bring 'em here.

Okay, first thing we have to do is we gotta call the reception place, and we gotta cancel.

Can we just try to be Zen about this?

Virgil: I'm sorry, I think I'm being quite Zen right now.

I think you're panicking.

I'm not... I'm not panicking.

I'm... I'm being functional, I'm trying to help out with...

Hey! It's Polka time!

It's what?

(Polka)

Pavel.

Can you do something about this?

No, I'm not...

Can you do something about this?

(Piano)

No, no, no. Keep going.

No, that's okay.

Just something that was buzzing around my head in Venice, you know.

Oh, it... It doesn't matter.

Hey, um...

I just wanted to... to thank you for stepping in... with the orchestra.

I was clearly in over my head.

Oh. That's fine. My pleasure.

You know, I'm... I'm half embarrassed to say this, but...

(Chuckles) I once pissed my pants conducting a full orchestra rehearsal.

Really?

Mm-hm.

Of course, I was drunk at the time.

Out of my mind on coke.

And I leaned over to the first viola player, beautiful girl that I was running around with at the time, and without missing a down b*at, I whispered to her, "I've pissed my pants, haven't I, darling?"

(Chuckles)

And she whispered back, "Maestro, you're not wearing any pants."

(Laughs)

I suppose the moral of that one is, we have to celebrate our failures.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll piss myself one day in second chair.

Oh, now, come on.

Are we supposed to feel sorry for you or something, or you think you're gonna be handed the baton?

And told, "Woo, look here, she's a genius."

No, that's not what I was looking for.

I...

You know, from what I've noticed, you're a half decent oboe player.

And that's the story.

Maestro, with all due respect, I've just been doing what my conductors have been telling me I should do, which is basically be their assistant or be fired, so... (Sighs)

Are you going to accept that, or do you have something to say?

Can you help me?

So that's an impasse.

Then prost.

Ah.

Ugh.

You're a tough negotiator.

Well, I've been through four divorces.

Well, I've broken off three engagements.

So I guess we're just two f*cked up broads who are never gonna find a solution to any of this.

Shall we try again?

Three... percent on pension.

Three and a quarter.

You really want to have another toast?

Fine.

(Knocking)

Okay.

(Knocking)

I heard you.

Hello?

Rodrigo: Hello.

(Door closes)

How'd you get in here?

I know everything.

All the little secret passages in this building.

I know it.

How can I help you, Mr. DeSousa?

The New York Symphony Orchestra.

My family.

We need our home.

No go.

No go?

Those are very big... two little words, no go.

I have a family, too.

If your family moves in, my family moves out.

That breaks my heart because it's two families.

No? And two parents.

Both of our families need a home.

How can we put two bubbles in one?

You know, like, put the music bubble inside the bubble of the bubbles.

Know what I'm talking about?

Okay, let me show you, let me show you.

One bubble inside the other, you know?

One is music, and the other is the bubble of bubbles.

Okay... Uh, no. Okay, wait.

Wait a minute. It's about to be there.

Okay. No. There, you see?

But they don't exist within each other.

Like this?

Melody. How did you do that?

That's incredible. Wow!

Melody, that...

That's impressive, yes, exactly.

That's even beyond what I imagined.

Which one is the music?

Okay. Melody, the bubble can hold us both.

(Chuckles) Maybe you can rehearse during the day.

We'll just need the stage every night.

And one more thing.

Bubbles are not empty.

They're filled with everything.

(Piano)

35... 36.

I'm okay with those insurance cuts if you contribute to dental.

Look at these numbers, they're terrifying.

We're toxic to donors, we're toxic.

(Muttering)

I'm giving you everything you need.

But... (Blows raspberry)

I still think we may be dead in the water.

You know why I broke up those engagements?

Because for 35 years, this orchestra has been my husband, my kids.

I missed vacations, holidays, weddings, funerals.

I never traveled anyplace that my oboe didn't take me.

I love this f*cked up orchestra.

I'd take a b*llet for it.

That's what I'm offering.

You want me to sh**t you?

I want you to listen to what I have to say.

It feels strange not to be in there with them.

You know what you need?

When was the last time you did something really fun?

(Chuckles) I honestly have no idea.

Well, maybe if, um...

If we get out of here tonight, I could...

You know, that looks like fun.

I was thinking more... No, but okay.

(Piano)

Okay, uh... Yeah.

Sorry. Could you actually just bring out the A in the tenth measure?

Bring it out?

Oh, yes, sorry. (Chuckles) Um...

Oh, please, please. Ugh. Don't do that.

What?

Um, well...

You know, you have to command the room.

And when you were in Venice, I noticed it was the giggle.

That little giggle, I think it k*lled you.

Sorry.

Uh!

You're being too nice.

Okay, I disagree, because I don't think that you have to be a d*ck to be a great artist.

By all means, you can be pleasant, but your players want to be told what to do.

Okay, I get it.

Okay.

All right, from the same spot.

Mm-hm.

Faster.

Okay, let it go. Let it go.

Yell it.

Faster!

Yell it. Let it go!

Faster, you dumb-ass!

Hey! Come on! This is shouting!

Shout! Shout! Come on!

Faster, dumb-ass!

Faster, you dumb-ass!

(Laughing)

No giggling!

All right.

Now, stop asking for permission.

Get yourself some musicians, a piece of music, and just conduct.

Okay? And if you do, I'll come and see you.

(Bell ringing)

Gloria: We did it!

(Laughing)

We did it!

Yeah!

Just one.

Oh, yeah.

(Cheering, applause)

(Bell ringing)

Gloria: Over the next five years, management will increase cost of living 1.5 percent per year.

What happened to two?

Nice one, Betty.

Hey. Get over here and read this one, you tall freak of nature.

"The number of tenured players will be sunset in the coming year." What does that mean?

It means I'm gonna retire.

What, Betty?

Boohoo, I know, I know.

You'll get over it.

Three of us are gonna have to step down to make all of this work.

Wait, what? Who?

We need to figure that out.

But, as part of the agreement, Betty is moving on to represent the players' interests on the board.

Yes! You guys did it!

(Applause)

Yes!

(Cheering, applause)

Yes!

Gloria: Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're still working out the details, and we still have to call votes, but... but we're headed in the right direction.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

(Cheering, applause)

Where are we gonna perform?

(Chain rattling)

Guys, I just got a really brilliant idea.

(Cheering, applause)