03x09 - Creative Solutions for Creative Lies

[bunniefuu]

Gloria, I brought you a pumpernickel scone.

Gloria, that's voodoo!

I can't believe we just made that announcement to the whole world without asking me first!

I apologized.

Come on, Gloria, don't get caught up in the past.

Just so you know, everyone out there can hear everything you're saying.

It will take years of fundraising to even come close...

I'm not talking about years. I'm talking about now.

Right now.

You want to see now? Now, I am cleaning my desk.

Because we don't have enough money for a janitorial staff!

I'm trying to save this orchestra.

Our orchestra!

And you just asked a roomful of multimillionaires to give their money to the wrong thing Gloria, no! It's not the wrong thing!

It's actually the same thing.

It's the orchestra and the youth orchestra, they go together.

Not according to the I.R.S.

The I.R... That just means "irs".

(Scoffs)

Okay, I'm talking about children, I'm talking about the future, Gloria.

It's a fantastic idea!

Yeah.

It's a beautiful idea.

And it would ensure an audience for the future!

But you can't just whip up a citywide not-for-profit out of thin air!

By the way, you have to forgive Maestro Pembridge.

He's having a hard time.

How do you know about that?

Everybod knows. Right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You know, there is one way that we could get the seed money and do it pretty quickly.

Yeah, well, he's not gonna do it.

No, wait, wait. I'm very unpredictable.

I might do it. Tell me, tell me.

Well, after the Venice concert, we have been flooded with requests for you to do an endorsement.

You know, like portable speakers, or a watch... but there is one that's pretty big.

Big? Like, big, big how?

Oh, he's not gonna do it.

Tell me, I don't discriminate.

Just tell me, tell me.

(Whispering)

Ah!

What'd I tell you? He's not gonna do it.

Okay, Gloria...

Okay, we have the music, there's kids in the city.

Millions of them.

What costs money? Why do we need the money?

Instruments cost money.

Chairs. Chairs cost money.

Chairs cost money?

Chairs don't cost money. Chairs are just there.

Okay, are you joking with me? No, go on.

Okay, okay, I feel obligated to do something that I've never done in my life.

And I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna get the money myself.

Be my guest!

In fact, go out on the street and just pull it off the money tree!

That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Oh, Craigy G?

Yes, Maestro?

About your, you know, the...

Mm-hmm?

I can't believe you're a person, man.

(Orchestra tuning)

Hey, everyone. Hi.

Hi, Esther.

Um, thank you all so much for being here.

I am so excited.

Oh, are you kidding?

A chance to play the premiere of Thomas Pembridge's first composition?

I've actually had a poster on my wall since middle school.

It's of him conducting shirtless, on a fjord.

Oh, I had that poster, too.

It was right above my bed.

(Laughing)

Okay. Um, let's get started.

So what I think is really great about this piece is the kind of polarized dynamics.

So there's the tenderness and then there's the tension.

(Applause)

Oh my God.

Maestro.

Hey, Maestro, what are you doing here?

I was just in the neighborhood.

My tailor, he lives in Brooklyn.

Yes, he's a genius with buttons.

Well, please carry on, Maestra.

Like I'm not here.

Just think of me as the ghost that haunts the theater.

(Chuckling)

Okay. Will do.

All right, so, um.

Let's... let's take it from the top.

Hmm?

That was so great, guys.

For the... For the first time, wow.

Okay.

Hey, Esther, I think that you could um, afford to be a little bit freer.

Where it says molto espressivo...

Hmm. Oh, bloody hell, no.

What?

Hmm? Oh, Nothing.

Okay.

The molto espressivo, I really think, go for it.

Psst.

Um...

Psst.

I don't want to be a pest but I think I've got a few tiny thoughts.

Okay, yes, what are they?

One, I want you to think of it as a solo piece, and the rest is just echo.

Mm-hmm.

It's just a very fine line, but it's important.

Yes.

Now, bar one also, I want it to be clearer.

Okay.

I want it...

Yeah.

I want you to get the tempo. It needs to flow.

Sounds good.

All right?

I'll do that.

Good.

I'm so sorry, Mr. DeSousa.

But we can't give you the loan.

But it's not for me. It's for the children.

It's for the music.

I know.

And the program that you're trying to start, it sounds great.

Program? I'm not doing a TV program.

No, no, no, the music program.

Oh, yeah. I just don't call it a music program.

I call it music and the sounds that make a family.

Well, you...

You applied for the loan as an individual.

And you listed as assets to be held as collateral...

Beethoven, Mozart, and T-chai-Tchaikovsky.

(Hums Tchaikovsky)

Yeah, I know that one. I like it.

Oh good. She likes that one.

Well, now, it was all worth it.

But you do understand in terms of a loan agreement, that these are just the names of music composers.

They don't actually have value.

Tell her that you would have gone mad without the music.

Oh, no, but I will start crying if I say that.

Let's see, the only other thing you listed here is a mate gourd.

Mat... ma-mate? Mate gourd?

And the value, it depends on what a person's opinion is on mate?

I was joking.

You know, it's just a joke.

Wow you don't have any credit, which I've never seen before.

No credit cards? No, no...

Nothing.

No mortgage, house, nothing?

No, I don't owe any money to anybody.

That seems like I don't exist, right?

It's how the bank thinks.

I don't get it.

So the bank will give out loans to people who usually will make money back to pay it back.

I'll just get another loan and I'll pay you back.

No, but how is the bank going to trust you?

I give you my word, it's me, I tell you.

You're the bank. Trust me.

I'm not the bank.

I just work for the bank. Excuse me.

I have to be in this meeting.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

That's it.

Thanks so much for your time.

I know you're not the bank.

You know, you're this "Creative Solutions For Creative Lives" bank.

Listen, at the end of the day, those are just slogans.

It's not really real.

Well, let's make this real.

What if I was a potato farmer?

And I come to you and I say, "hey I want to plant tomatoes."

Mm-hmm.

I want a loan for planting tomatoes, and you go, "Have you any experience with tomatoes?"

And I go, "No. No, but just give me a loan."

Well, you wouldn't give it to me, right?

No.

Because I plant potatoes.

Potatoes.

But what if I come and I say I'm a tomato farmer.

I'm gonna plant tomatoes.

That's exactly what I'm saying right now, you know?

I am a musician.

I'm gonna give you the music.

(Phone rings)

Hi, Jordan.

Where are you?

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Honey.

No, hold on. Just stay there with your teachers.

I'll be right there. I'm on my way.

Okay? Okay. Okay, bye. Dammit.

I forgot that today was the day I'm supposed to pick up my son.

Do you need a ride?

No, no, no, it's okay.

Yes, I'll give you a ride. Come, come, come.

I have a vehicle. Come.

Oh, okay, okay. If you don't mind.

Yeah, no, no. It's good.

He should have stuck with potatoes.

Okay.

Hey, you really...

I know, I know. I'm so sorry.

I apologize, I shouldn't do that.

I'm actually gonna go.

Great.

No. I'm not going to go.

I'm going to go into this cozy little room and I'm gonna just take a nap.

That sounds great.

And I promise you...

I'll shut the f*ck up.

Thank you.

Okay, um, let's go from the same place.

So, you can just drop me off here.

All right? All right, it's okay.

Okay, um...

The door's right here.

Okay, okay. We're here. Hello, young man.

Hi, can I ask you a favor?

Can you hold my bicycle for a moment?

Yes, please?

I have your word?

You have my word.

Excellent.

(Chattering)

Hey, little man.

I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you.

Jordan, this is Mr. DeSousa.

Hello.

Hi.

My name is Rodrigo, how are you?

Good.

Do you play the piano?

No.

No, he doesn't play anything.

Ooh.

Uh-huh.

(Humming)

(Plays piano)

Hello! Who wants to play a game?

Kids: Me!

Come gather round in a circle, come on.

Okay! Let's make a circle.

Good, great. Welcome.

Okay. Who's got a heart?

Everybody? You also have a heart?

You can join, you can join.

Come, come, come.

And what sound does a heart make?

Boom, boom.

Muy bien.

Okay, so guys, okay, grab your instruments, please.

And where were we? We were in the heartbeat.

Right? We're in the heartbeat.

So how was it, the heartbeat?

So, bop. Okay. Esso.

Can you help us with the heartbeat with your tubes?

(Speaks Spanish)

And let's have the claves going, please.

Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Right.

Bop, bop, bop.

Mississippi, hot dog. Mississippi, hot dog.

♪ Palo, palo, palo bonito palo eh ♪
♪ Eh palo bonito palo eh ♪

Rapido!

♪ Palo, palo, palo bonito palo eh ♪
♪ Eh palo bonito palo eh ♪

Bye, Anthony.

Bye.

You see, that's it. It's percussions.

Your instrument is percussions.

Absolutely, and once they find it, there's no going back, you know? Yeah.

And you will never sleep again.

That's exciting.

But he'll be happy.

Uh, I've got a check for you.

Check?

It's from you.

Yeah.

I just wanted to say I like what you're trying to do.

Thank you.

I should get him home for dinner now.

Okay.

Well, I can cook one day for you and him. You know?

Can you cook?

We'll make up something.

f*ck!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Thomas? Is there something wrong?

It's the coda!

It's the bloody coda!

I mean, God, I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

It's derivative bullshit.

Cut it, cut it.

Okay, you want me to cut the coda?

Yeah, cut the fucker right out like a country surgeon.

No, do not cut the coda.

The Maestro just said to cut the coda.

I know, but I'm conducting so let me handle it.

Cut it.

Okay.

Thomas, do not make this complicated.

It's not derivative, it's a beautiful simple love song.

Oh, God, what?

Damn, f*ck!

What the hell are you... you've destroyed this now for me.

I mean, now I've got to think about it like it's a love song?

It's not a f*cking love song.

Okay, why don't you just go home and get some sleep?

In fact, why don't we all go home and get some sleep?

Then we'll come in fresh tomorrow.

I'm done, I'm done!

Polish this up.

And do the show, no problem.

Yeah, now.

Is everybody good?

(Chattering)

Oh, that's good. Okay.

Okay, let's do this right.

I got everybody coffee.

I fixed it.

Uh...

I don't have page three.

You have to tape together the top of old page four with the new page 36.

You were right, darling.

You know, it's a love story.

It just needed simplifying.

It was already really simple.

It did not need to be simplified.

Actually, now it's just more complicated.

Listen, darling, I know this is difficult, and also, it's your first thing.

But listen, I really want this to be right.

So would you please just try it for me.

Okay.

Um...

Okay. From the coda, all right.

Esther, you're playing something completely different.

It's what the Maestro wrote, right here?

Okay, but it doesn't go with anything else.

Yeah, I think that's actually really cool.

Ben, why are you just standing there?

There is no Clarinet part anymore.

I just felt you know, it was, frosting on frosting...

Okay, that's it. Come here.

I don't know why you're doing this to yourself.

But everything that I was trying to get across in this piece is no longer there.

It's what the composer wants.

Okay, I just need a minute with him, Esther, so...

And I just was to make sure that the Maestro gets what he needs.

Okay, I'm the conductor and I will make sure that the maestro...

Okay, but, Maestro...

Just back the f*ck off.

It was such an honor working with you.

I think you're a genius.

Thank you, darling.

Hey, Esther, um...

Did she just quit?

That's how I interpreted that, yeah.

Esther, Esther, please, wait, I'm so, so sorry.

Can we please just talk about this?

I really thought maybe you had something.

But I guess what everyone says about you is true.

Wait. What? What does everyone say about me?

I have figured it out.

Claude, you are going to take Shawn's part and I'm going to rewrite Esther's part so that Shawn can play it.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes, it's totally fine.

Look.

I don't want it. I don't want it.

Are you guys good?

Rodney the Ringman needs to run through his lighting cues.

We're completely f*cked so we may as well watch him throw his rings around.

Bring it on!

Guys, house is open in fifteen minutes.

I can't do it!

Hailey...

Oh, look at this!

Yeah.

Shawn!

Oh my God.

Stop it.

(Disco music plays)

You know, at time like this I wish my parents had believed in me.

Well, you know what? They didn't, so f*ck 'em.

Now you've just got to play with the blood.

All right, does everybody know what we're doing?

No.

Yay!

No.

Okay, all right.

Shawn, we are going...

Hailey, this is a nightmare!

I know it's a nightmare, it's a f*cking horrible nightmare, and I'm so, so, sorry that you have to dream it with me, but we are going to make something so amazing if you just hang on and follow through.

No, we're not.

(Classic music playing)

Hey.

Hey.

What is this place?

I have no idea.

I have a friend performing here tonight.

How are you?

Good.

I scheduled the surgery for next week.

Did you tell anyone?

No, I mean it's too hard to tell people.

What am I gonna say? I'm either off for two months, or just gone.

If it doesn't go well.

"Are you whining about nighttime following the daylight?

About rain that comes after sunshine?

Are you complaining that there are ugly things in life?"

Vítêzslava Kaprálová d*ed when she was 25.

But before she did, she wrote and conducted over fifty pieces at a time when women were supposed to be muses, not artists.

So tonight we celebrate finding our way.

♪ Kdyz straze sve cas vymenuje ♪
♪ V noveho roku znameni ♪
♪ Necht dobre je ♪
♪ Necht dobre je ♪
♪ Necht dobre je co v budoucnu je ♪
♪ Pokryto v jeho mlceni ♪

(Cheering)

And now without further ado be amazed by The Crystal Fruits.

That was Lizzy. She's amazing.

Sounds great.

What are you gonna do if they say you can't play anymore?

It's no if.

They called me this afternoon.

I'm done.

Anyway, this is cool.

What do you mean, "it's cool?"

I only had a couple years left.

sh*t happens, you have to go to plan B.

Plan B?

You don't have one?

I've never thought about it.

Maybe this should be your plan B.

(Audience gasps)

I think you should go do that.

Really?

Yeah.

You could do that, too.

Yeah.

You could manage, like, six.

Maybe a pie.

Hi, Cynthia. Oh my God.

Are you Kevin Majors?

Kevin Majors!

Kevin, this is Gloria, my boss.

Yeah. I was there when you scored those 12 points against the Spurs, the last 80 seconds!

You don't know, this guy's fantastic.

Oh my, he's amazing.

He's amazing. You're amazing.

So amazing.

I'm a big fan of you guys too.

Well maybe some time we could talk about the Donors Benefits program.

Gloria, why don't you join us?

No, no, no, no. You know what?

You guys have a terrific evening together.

Could I have a martini, please?

Shawn, I need you to pay attention to me right now.

You really just need to play this note instead of all of these notes.

It'll still have the same effect.

Hailey, psst, psst.

What?

I have the solution.

No, no, not now.

I've just reworked four parts.

I am using the weapons at hand.

I am using the weapons at hand.

Well, to use your analogy, I have a bloody great m*ssile.

Okay, I actually really think it sounds better this way.

It's a lot simpler.

I don't understand why it wasn't like this actually, the entire time.

Fine.

One second.

Ah, Hailey. Nice to see you.

He owes me a favor.

Actually, after tonight, I probably owe you one.

Joshua Bell.

Hey, I know you probably don't normally do gigs of this size, but...

You know this guy gave me my first big break when I was, what, 14 years old?

I think we're gonna have fun.

Have you had a chance to look over the part?

Well, um, you know, I would like your input.

Maybe you can just give me an idea of your vision?

(Applause)

There are just a few things that I...

Totally, totally. Lizzy!

What?

I need you to vamp for five minutes.

What? Why? Why?

Why, why?

Oh, sh*t Joshua Bell? Hi.

Um... Yes, I was born to vamp.

Okay, so, this part where it says molto espressivo, I really think it's important that we honor it.

Molto.

We have a saying here in Prague...

Stokrát nic umorilo osla.

A hundred times and nothing k*lled the donkey.

This reminds me of home.

Are you in the circus?

No?

You can tell me.

How's your conducting technique?

Um, I hope it's good.

I mean, I've been learning from the best.

Thomas is...

Actually, it's more about what's inside here than what you do with your hands.

If we were following you, have a good idea of what's in your brain, if you convey that in some way, Whether it's like this or like this...

Uh-huh.

It'll be successful, so um...

Yeah.

And you seem to know what you want.

I'm happy to hear that it seems that way.

(Chuckles)

You two.

Have you kissed her yet?

No.

It's almost midnight and Communism will be here at 1 am.

Come on, what are you waiting for?

(Applause)

Audience: Aw...

(Applause)

And you, madam?

How do you feel about the rise of the proletariat?

Weird answer.

(Applause, cheering)

Hello. I'm very excited to present to you a new work by Thomas Pembridge.

Um, uh, Thomas, would you like to say anything?

Hmm, Sure, sure.

Thank you very much.

Hailey.

All these wonderful young musicians.

And thank you to Joshua.

You know, I wrote this for a friend.

Who means a lot to me.

She has my heart, but of course, I don't see her anywhere here, so...

There you go.

Anyway, um...

In the words of Aristotle...

f*ck me, really?

Aw, f*ck it.

(Applause)

(Applause, cheering)