01x07 - The Ballad of Little Santino

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Good Behavior". Aired: November 2016 to December 2017.*
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"Good Behavior" revolves around a thief and con artist, who has just been released from jail and is hoping to reunite with her 10-year old son, who was being raised by her mother.
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01x07 - The Ballad of Little Santino

Post by bunniefuu »

You will go out with your son tomorrow morning at 10:00.

Buy some gas with a credit card. Go to Starbucks.

Establish a record of you not being in your house between 10:00 and noon.

You're going to find Daphne on the floor beside the sink, neck broken like she slipped.

There's a man coming here to k*ll you.

You're not an English teacher.

When I was young, watching movies, I always thought it was so stupid when they dump a body in the river.

I thought, "Why don't they make a friend at a funeral home and cremate the body?"

I got a call from your brother David last week.

He left a message.

All he said was he was returning your call.

I called him five years ago.

So he's called three times?

Yeah.

You think Ava knows what's up?

Hey!

Hey, Uncle Jav!

Daniela: Has he cooked for you?

Not yet.

You're a private chef, Uncle Jav.

A private chef?

I'm starving.

You just had a Big Mac an hour ago.

Gross. No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

I had a double cheeseburger. There's a difference.

Well, the point is you ate food.

Now I want to eat again.

There's something wrong with you.

Would you please just find a place?

I have to concentrate.

I found a place.

This is a shopping mall.

This is a shopping mall.

I don't need clothes. I need food Well, at shopping malls, you can get both of those things.

Here.

What is happening?

You're going shopping.

Why?

Because you like going shopping.

Because we're going to my family dinner, and maybe you want something new to wear.

I have something new to wear.

Yeah, something you stole.

How would you know that?

Why do you care?

Because when you are with my family, I want you to wear something you bought, not something you stole from an innocent person.

There is a difference.

Oh, my God.

Do we need to keep arguing, or do you want to take this and go buy things with it?

[Sighs]

You're not coming with me.

Didn't say I was coming with you.

You don't get wardrobe approval.

Okay.

[Car door closes]

♪♪
♪ I hear you through the walls ♪
♪ Now I can never leave ♪
♪ I guess you're taking care ♪
♪ Of your dirty laundry ♪

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's...?

What are you doing here?

What do you mean?

I told you to park in the third spot from the end.

This is the... One, two, three...

Four, it's fine.

[Sighs]

Unlock it.

Turn off the car.

Why? I thought we would go for a drive.

We're not driving anywhere.

Turn off the car.

[Keys click, engine shuts off]

Why are you wearing gloves?

Because I am sitting in your car.

Yeah, but we're just talking.

No, you're just talking.

What?

I did my job.

It's over. We don't need to talk.

You sent me a text eight hours ago and said you needed to talk.

So you're just talking.

But why are you wearing those gloves?

I don't like germs.

Um, okay.

Look, the police are asking me all kinds of questions.

Of course they are. You k*lled your wife.

You k*lled my wife.

No, you paid me to k*ll your wife.

So you k*lled your wife.

They're asking the same questions over and over.

The husband is always the first suspect.

Yeah, but they're gonna find out.

No, they won't.

Yes, they are.

They're gonna find out.

Chase, I told you I am very good at what I do.

So, if you've been following my instructions, they will not find out.

I have. I did.

For the most part.

For the most part?

Can I get a room started for you?

No thanks. I can kind of tell what'll work on me.

So you're buying all of that?

Yeah. Get excited.

I hope you work on commission.

Uh, well, we do, but nothing's on sale, just so you know.

What is this? "Pretty Woman?"

I told you go to Starbucks with your son.

I know.

You didn't go to Starbucks with your son?

He wanted to skateboard. I took him to the park.

There's these curbs that he likes.

He does trick on the curbs.

Were any of his friends there?

No.

Were any of your friends there?

No. No.

So why would you do that?

I know, okay?

By Tyler was relentless. He wouldn't shut up.

And... and... and I was stressed.

You were supposed to establish a record of you not being in your house when Daphne was k*lled.

I know! I know!

And they know, and I don't know what to do except tell the truth.

You will not that, or you will die, too.

[Sighs]

So would you.

No.

No one would find me.

But you're the one who did this.

You k*lled her.

You should be the one that has to pay.

This is not how it works, Chase.

[Sobs]

I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person.

I'm a f*cking coward.

I can't even go grocery shopping.

What?

And it's Tyler's birthday next week.

I don't even know how to plan for a kid's birthday party.

Daphne used to do that!

We're not talking about your son's birthday!

Yes, we are!

We're talking about whatever I want to talk about, okay?

So f*ck you!

Calm down.

No!

f*ck you for ruining my life!

For ruining my son's life!

For k*lling Daphne.

You didn't have to do it. You could have said no.

I am very sorry I didn't.

You should have. You did that to her.

I didn't.

What are you doing, Chase?

I'll feel better if you're dead.

I'll feel better this way.

[g*nsh*t]

[Birds chirping]

[Panting]

♪ ♪

[Knock on door]

Carol: How's everything going in there?

You know what? You were totally right.

I am so glad I tried all this on.

Yeah, how crazy would it be if all of that worked on you?

Really crazy.

None of it worked.

Oh, nothing?

Nope.

And like you said, none of it was on sale.

Bye, Carol.

Oh.

[Siren wailing in distance]

[Siren chirps]

[Radio chatter]

You're going to find Daphne on the floor beside the sink.

Neck broken like she slipped getting out of the shower.

It happens all the time.

Officer: Ma'am? Ma'am? I need you to step away, okay?

I need all of you to step away.

[Indistinct talking]

I can explain.

Please don't.

Perfect.

♪ Hard time forgiving ♪
♪ Even harder forgetting ♪
♪ Before you do something ♪
♪ You might regret, friend ♪
♪ Bricks are caving in ♪
♪ Oh, how sweet this sin ♪
♪ I left you the keys ♪
♪ You won't let me in ♪
♪ Hard time forgiving ♪
♪ Even harder forgetting ♪
♪ Before you do something ♪
♪ You might regret, friend ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Like a river ♪
♪ Like a river, sh... ♪
♪ Like a river ♪
♪ Like a river, sh... ♪

[Thump]

♪ Like a river ♪
♪ Like a river ♪
♪ Shut your mouth and run me like a river ♪
♪ How do you fall in love ♪
♪ Harder than a b*llet could hit you? ♪
♪ How do you fall apart ♪
♪ Faster than a hairpin trigger? ♪
♪ Don't you say, don't you say it ♪
♪ Don't say, don't you say it ♪
♪ One breath, and it'll just break it ♪
♪ So shut your mouth and run me like a river ♪

Why aren't you wearing your wig?

Why would I be wearing a wig?

The long blond one. You were wearing it when you met Ava.

No, I wasn't.

Yes, you were.

You're thinking of the selfie.

All week she's been asking if I was bringing my girlfriend Marilyn, so...

Marilyn Monroe? So she thinks I'm fat?

No. She thinks you're blond.

Ava knows I wear wigs.

"Marilyn" is only a compliment if you're already curvy.

If you're skinny, it means you need to lose weight.

Every woman knows this.

Well, she's from Argentina.

She doesn't have the same references.

Yes, she does. This sh*t is international.

Besides, if I wear the blond wig, I have to do the Southern accent, and Ava already knows I don't have a Southern accent.

So do your nieces.

Why would you have to do a Southern accent?

Because that's just the way it works.

What?

I'm not explaining it.

Fine.

Can you please make me a Negroni?

Okay, just help me to understand why we're here.

When Ava invited me to your family dinner, I thought it would be you, Ava, and the girls.

I didn't realize it would also be your parents who you haven't spoken to in like 20 years.

[Sighs]

My father paid for my sister to build this restaurant.

Tonight is a celebration of this achievement.

So they invited you? After all this time?

Yes.

Why?

Because my father had a heart att*ck, like I've also told you 64 times.

Yes, but you still haven't told me why you haven't spoken to anyone in your family since you were 16.

'Cause I don't talk about that to anyone.

Oh, that's healthy.

[Kn*fe slams]

Is it okay that you not know something?!

Huh?

What? Why? When? Who?

You harass me with all the questions all the time.

But some people just don't like to talk about every single thing that has ever happened to them in their life.

I would think you would understand.

Have I ever asked you for all the details?

All the horrible sh*t you've been through?

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Now, do you think you can make me a Negroni without drinking all the gin behind the bar?

Possibly.

♪ ♪

[Ice cubes rattling]

So, who all is coming, exactly?

Javier didn't tell you?

He wasn't specific.

Big surprise.

So, what?

Your father had this heart att*ck and just decided he wanted to see Javier for the first time since he was a teenager?

Silk: Hello?

Ah!

[Laughs]

Place looks great.

Thank you.

Hi!

Hey, Letty!

Hi!

Hey.

Ava: Hello?

[Speaks indistinctly]

Oh!

Yeah!

Oh! Hi, my loves.

Oh! Mwah!

So, this is yours, but I want it to be mine.

Yes. And I want it to be mine.

Babe, you didn't tell me I'm about to meet 97 people.

Why didn't you tell her about everyone?

It slipped my mind.

I guess it could be worse.

Last guy I seriously dated... His family was from Delaware.

And?

That's it. That's the whole story.

[Laughter]

He just got back from a thing in Nassau.

For what?

Couple players on the Atlanta Braves... wives, private jets, the whole thing.

[Sighs]

Jav, tell them the story about the...

I don't want to.

[Sighs] Fine.

So, okay. So, they wanted oysters flown in from Maine.

Five years ago, they're living on a farm in the Dominican Republic, and now they need oysters flown in from Maine?

Look, I need to get everything done before everyone arrives, so...

He found this world-famous oyster supplier, but what's so crazy is that she randomly only does the oyster thing as a hobby.

She's actually a lawyer.

Anyway, he had them flown in the cargo of some guy's private jet.

Which, uh, players were they, again?

Uh, I don't know.

Sports. [Laughing] Who cares?

Upton was one of them, right?

Upton and a couple of shortstops?

Okay, stop!

Everyone, stop.

I'm sorry, but I need to work.

Everyone is arriving in 10 minutes, and I ha...

Okay! Calm down.

We're going.

Silk, can you help me with the dinner table?

Sure.

Daniela, Sofia, help your uncle.

Uh, how?

Like this.

You just start helping.

Okay. Um...

Thank you. Be right back.

What?

What the f*ck are you doing?

I'm playing along.

No, you're not.

You're screwing around with bullshit stories.

You're a private chef with absolutely no stories.

I'm trying to help you.

I'm about to see a lot of people I haven't seen in many years.

I don't want it f*cked up. This is my family, not yours.

Well, there are no lies in my family.

They know I'm a thief.

Does your family know what you do?

Oh, and, P.S., if you can cook, why bother with all that horrendous philanthropy sh*t?

Because.

Because?

Because when you tell different lies to different people, when something comes back to me through a third party, I know who's talking to who.

A third party?

Yes.

Seriously?

Yes.

You don't do that?

No.

Why not?

Because that would require time and energy better spent doing literally anything else.

Yeah, except when it's your family.

[Sighs]

Think of a title for your book.

What book?

You told the girls, who told my sister, you were a writer.

I told them I work for Instagram.

You told them you work for Instagram to support your true passion, which is writing.

Someone is going to ask you what the book is called.

You should think of a title now...

I...

...so you don't have to worry about it later.

I'm fine. I think on my feet.

Okay.

"Mr. Hollywood."

I'm sorry. What?

Just an idea.

For a title?

Yeah, in case you can't think of one later.

I think... I think it's pretty good.

"Mr. Hollywood."

I-I need another Negroni.

Mm. Yeah, no sh*t.

[Knock on door]

[Indistinct conversation]

[Conversation stops]

Hi!

[Chuckles]

[Gasps] Oh, mijo!

[Laughing] Mijo!

Oh, my God.

[Conversing in Spanish]

Mijo.

[Laughter]

Whoo!

Carlos.

[Laughs]

♪ ♪
Oscar: Javier.

¿Si, Papa?

Aren't you going to introduce me to that white person?

Yeah, of course.

Uh, Letty. Hi.

I'm sorry. This is Letty.

She's, uh, my girlfriend.

Hi.

Oh. Hi.

Drunk already.

Charming.

[Man singing in Spanish]

David: We hear you're a writer.

She's writing a book!

Writing is just a hobby.

You should never give up your passions.

What's the book about?

It's really more of a Word document at this point.

What's the Word document about?

A guy who tries to cash in on his resemblance to Ryan Gosling.

Ryan Gosling. Who is this?

Oh, he's very famous. Very famous.

Ryan Gosling is my celebrity free pass.

[Chuckles]

Your what?

The one celebrity I'm allowed to sleep with if the opportunity comes up. [Laughs]

What's wrong with you? Huh?

So, what's this guy's name, the one who looks like Ryan Gosling?

Lance. He works a hamburger place called White Castle.

Lance in a White Castle.

Can I read it?

It's a work in progress.

Well, when you finish it, then?

It'll take a long time.

I have a really big job at Instagram.

The Internet?

It's on the outskirts of the Internet, yeah.

What do you do?

I assist the local government.

I'm also on the outskirts.

So mysterious.

Thank you.

Reminds me of your brother.

When I first met him, I had no idea what he did, and then I found all his knives.

And then I realized he was a chef.

[Chuckles]

Speaking of. I need to get back to it.

Okay.

[Kn*fe chopping]

Si.

♪ ♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Speaking Spanish]

Hi.

Hey.

You okay?

[Glass clinking]

Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

I'm so happy our family is all here in my restaurant that I named after our birthplace.

In this restaurant that you so generously helped me build, Papa.

[Laughing] Thank you!

It's a dream come true, but the bigger dream... and until last week I really didn't know if this would happen... is that we are all together, finally, after much too long, with Javier.

Salud.

Cheers.

Okay. Oh, I-I almost forgot.

What a wonderful surprise it is for everyone to meet Letty.

I just love you.

Welcome to the family.

Cheers.

Salud.

Salud.

[Glasses clinking]

Ava: Papa, you can't smoke in here.

Mnh-mnh.

[Lighter clicks]

For the ash.

So, what is that, Javier?

[Indistinct conversations]

Hey, congratulations.

Oscar: I also have something to say.

Many of us haven't seen each other for a long, long time.

And it may surprise some of you that it weighed on me heavily.

I'm not the type to emote unnecessarily.

But I have to say...

This is one of the happiest moments of my life.

Bravo, Papa. Bravo.

[Woman chuckles]

Salud.

All: Salud.

I'm not finished.

"Any life, no matter how long and complex it may be, is made out of a single moment.

A moment when a man finds out once and for all who he really is."

Argentina's greatest writer said that.

Who was it?

Do you care, Carlos?

I guess not. No.

Carlos, can I borrow your son?

For what?

Tomasito, come.

Come here.

When Javier was 16 years old, he was a wild kid... motorcycles, hunting, girls.

But he always had a temper with his two brothers David and Carlos.

The only time that Javier was affectionate was with little Santino.

Here we go.

[Sighs]

Who's Santino?

Papa, please.

When the family's all together, it's important to recognize the ones who are not.

Okay.

Little Santino was the youngest, the baby, and Javier loved him very, very much.

He taught him how to fish, how to cook.

On little Santino's 7th birthday, Javier wanted to take him for a camping trip to Gran Chaco.

So they found one of the old Jeeps laying around the property, and off they went.

They were supposed to stay up until midnight for his birthday, but little Santino never made it to midnight.

How did it start again?

I was teaching Santino how to start a fire.

Teach him how to start a fire.

To a 7-year-old.

Well, little Santino might not have adhered very closely to Javier's instruction... because something that he did caused Javier to throw a rock at his head.

It was not a rock.

It was a small stone. Almost a pebble.

Santino was dancing around with a torch near the dry brush.

He almost started a forest fire for miles.

So to save his precious forest, Javier threw a rock at his little brother's head.

[Thump, woman gasps]

Just like that.

Santino said he was fine.

I'm sure he said he was fine.

But then he got tired, didn't he?

He wanted to lie down.

And what do you do with a head injury?

I didn't know.

Javier said, "You go lay down.

I'll wake you up at midnight for your birthday."

So little Santino went right to sleep.

When your brain starts to lose blood, you get drowsy first.

Always keep someone with a head injury awake, because the next morning, on his 7th birthday, little Santino did not wake up.

Javier went to sleep and forgot to wake him up at midnight.

He let him sleep all night long.

And before checking on him again, he went fishing.

He made a pot of coffee while Santino lay dead inside of a sleeping bag.

[Crying] It wasn't his fault.

He was only 16 years old.

He knew better.

He couldn't have saved him.

Yes, he could have saved him. You know this.

I spoke to a doctor. He was very clear.

They would detected the brain injury with a CAT scan.

They could have preformed surgery.

How many doctors did you ask before you found one that told you that?

He would be alive today if it weren't for you.

I'm certain of that.

I am sorry.

Of course you're sorry. You k*lled your little brother.

It makes sense to be sorry.

Are you done?

Yes.

I think I am, now that we have remembered little Santino.

Thank you for listening to an old man talk.

To Santino.

[Sighs]

[Squishing]

[Sizzling]

♪♪

I think we should go.

No.

Was your father always like that?

I'm serious. I think we should go.

No.

You're telling me that what just happened was okay?

Obviously what happened to your brother was not your fault.

How was it not my fault?

I hit him in the head. He d*ed from the injury.

That is what happened.

I know my father is... who he is, but he's right about that.

You see, this is why we should go.

You can go.

[Kn*fe thuds]

Just go!

Please.

You guys, what's going on with this family.

What is that?

Nothing. [Chuckles]

Show me.

Are you seriously huffing ether right now?

The only time I've ever heard of anyone doing this was in "Fear and Loathing."

That's where we got it.

We needed to k*ll some major brain cells after that insanity.

Promise not to tell, Aunt Letty.

Don't ever call me that again.

Okay.

You want to try it?

I'm not doing ether with two teenage girls.

Is that how you see us?

After "The Ballad of Little Santino," how could you not?

Has Uncle Jav ever told you that story?

Um, no.

We found out a couple years ago. It's sad.

I mean, what the hell is wrong with your grandfather's brain?

You know when people say, "My grandpa's from another generation," and it means that he's r*cist or sexist?

Yeah.

Well, in Argentina when you say that, it means that he k*lled a lot of people in the '70s.

[Chuckles] I'm sorry. What?

Go to Wikipedia and put in the "Dirty w*r."

Holy sh*t.

Oscar was involved in this?

He wasn't, like, in charge of it, but...

It says tens of thousands of people were k*lled.

Whenever we ask about it, they just say it was politics.

Super-sketch.

Girls, come inside.

[Can sprays]

[Sniffs]

Oh, that's gross.

♪ ♪

[Man singing in Spanish]

Conchita: [Laughs] Come in.

Okay.

Would you mind terribly if I switched places with you at the dinner table?

You don't want to sit next to Javier?

I see him every day.

I'm sure you'd love to sit next to him.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

[Singing in Spanish continues]

[Indistinct conversations]

So, how do you feel about knocking that little boy in the head with your fist earlier?

How do I feel about it?

Yeah.

It's pretty traumatic.

Maybe you should say you're sorry.

You want me to apologize to a child?

Maybe you should apologize to your son.

Javier?

What for?

Because he didn't know what to do about a head wound.

He was a kid.

He was 16.

Do you think that maybe you could have consoled him instead of kicking him out of your family?

Oh, you'll fit right in.

Is that right?

Let me tell you how this family works.

Everyone's on Javier's side, and I'm left alone to look like a spiteful old man.

[Chuckles] Aren't you?

I'm glad everyone's enjoying themselves.

Yeah.

Everything is perfect.

Silk: Mm-hmm.

I'll be right back with dessert.

[Indistinct conversations]

Gracias, Soledad.

Do you love him?

I'm not sure yet.

Well, we're about to find out.

[Thunder crashes]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪ ♪

I'm 15, and Sofia's 16.

We're not children.

Go.

That's better.

Now we can all be real people.

Yes. Good.

Been wanting to know why you had to hit my son on the head.

It's good for him.

It toughens him up.

So, Javier...

Yes?

...I bet you can't wait to get out of here.

You know, you're not wrong about that.

Papa, I think some of us were misled as to why you wanted to visit.

How can you say that?

I wanted to see this beautiful restaurant.

My only daughter's dream coming true.

But you also said you wanted to make things right with Javier.

And I do.

Doesn't seem like you do.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

But let's see what else I have to say, huh?

[Sighs]

It's been so many years.

There's so little I know about my son.

Like, for instance, what are you doing for a living these days?

You know what I do. We've talked about this.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I know you cook well enough to let everybody believe you're a chef, but is that all you do to make ends meet?

Yes.

That's not quite true, is it?

In fact, I was so curious about what my son was doing, and not being able to contact him, I had David hire someone to check into it.

Why do you disrespect this family by lying to our faces?

Darling, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your beloved son is a contract k*ller.

[Laughs]

I'm sorry for my husband.

He always had a sick sense of humor.

[Laughs]

Did you know this?

About your sick sense of humor?

Yeah, I picked up on that pretty quickly.

Nah.

Do you know what your boyfriend does when he goes on his little trips?

He's a private chef.

I think we should go.

I agree. Let's go.

Do you know this guy?

He d*ed of a heart att*ck.

Uh, he looks in pretty good shape to me.

This woman... She fell in the shower.

The coroner said that it was an accident.

[Sniffs] Too bad.

Ah, this guy d*ed of natural causes.

Perhaps not so natural, huh?

Who are these people? What's happening?

Maybe Papa didn't have a heart att*ck, Ma.

I think it was a stroke.

Be a man and tell the truth!

Tell your mother and your sister and your brothers and little girlfriend!

Tell them so I don't have to listen to them begging me to let you back into the family.

I always knew, and now they all know.

You were a k*ller at 16, and you're a k*ller now.

You're evil.

And if you don't tell the truth, Silk will!

Tell them!

I have nothing to say.

Sure, you do.

Leave him alone.

Come on, tell them.

I don't know what you're talking about.

[g*n cocks]

Ava: David!

Oh!

David!

Talk.

David, put down the g*n!

[Gasps]

Put it down!

What is going on?

[Crying]

I will tell the truth... after you put down the g*n.

♪ ♪

David, put down the g*n!

Javier, what is this?

How many people did you k*ll?

Unh-unh. This is not about me.

That's what all of this is about.

You sit there accusing me of m*rder, when you are responsible for k*lling thousands of innocent people!

Aah!

Conchita: Stop!

What are you doing?

Javier's about to k*ll another one of your sons.

[b*llet thuds]

You forced me out of my family.

You left me with no one.

I was invisible.

Because of you, I've been totally alone since I was a kid.

Not because of me.

Because of you.

If it weren't for Ava...

I am here tonight because Ava told me that I could have my family back.

All of the beautiful people in this room.

And I thought if there was a chance that you would let me back in...

[Voice breaking] if you would really forgive me...

...then I would forgive you.

I don't need forgiveness for anything.

[Breathes sharply]

I will never see you again.

Well, finally, we agree on one thing.

[Gasping]

Well... is everybody ready to go?

Yes?

My ice cream has melted.

So?

I'll go get the little ones.

Stay, Mama. I'll go get them.

Find the girls.

Why isn't everybody standing up?!

Ava.

Are you coming with your family?

Or are you staying with Javier?

Poor Javier. Like always.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Well, as one of your investors, I recommend switching chefs, because the meat was overdone and the peaches were burnt.

Other than that, it's a beautiful restaurant.

You're welcome.

What is going on?

Someone will explain it to you.

Or I will explain it to you... one day.

I'll be in the kitchen.

Is it true?

You're not a private chef?

No.

Look, I got into this life because...

What life?!

A life of ending other people's lives?

Yeah, but these people, they're not...

Not what? Innocent?

You k*ll people?

No, you don't.

I know you don't do this.

[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

You believed him when he said you were a k*ller when you were 16.

[Sniffles]

Ava...

And he turned you into this.

Ay. [Breathes deeply]

Oh. [Sniffles]

No.

[Sniffles]

Ava.

Ava.

[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

[Footsteps approaching]

Go. Please... go.

I'm not going anywhere.

Here. [Sniffles]

Take the car. I don't need it.

Okay.

I will.

[Breathes deeply]

And I'll take you.

[Sniffles]

[Sobs]
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