01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

I've got nothing going on except 48 hours from now I have to make decision that's gonna affect me till the day that I die.

I'd accepted that I wouldn't have a child and now I have one inside of me.

And you made that happen.

Lily, tell me, if you were pregnant...

To... to you?

Yeah, yeah, to me. What would you want to hear?

I love you and...

And I'll support you in any way I can.

OK? I'm not going anywhere.

Not as much cooking in the promo as I expected.

There'll be a montage of different sh*ts of you, but it will always go back to the cooking.

Great.

Sasha: Our research says that people tuned in because it's Jack.

Not because it's cooking, not because it's food, it's because he's handsome.

Jack: I trusted you and I believed you.

Why didn't you tell me you had no regard for what I think or what I want?

Do you think it's going to damage my profile at all?

Oh, no, not at all.

Eric has dropped his bundle, so Jack's promo is dead.

We're starting again. Put a shirt on him and get him cooking.

You made the promo go away.

Yeah.

From now on, let's just be completely honest with each other.

Yeah.

[Pounding on ceiling]

Simone: Yes!

Man: Yeah!

Yeah! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!

[Muffled shouting]

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa!

Yes!

[Man groans loudly]

[Simone and man groan]

[On phone] Hey, this is Pete. Leave a message.

It's me. Listen to this.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

I just want you to know that they're coming up to 2.5 hours...

Simone and Jack.

I can't sleep.

I can't leave my room. It's sex terrorism!

I am a victim of sex terrorism.

If you don't hear from me for a while just send them in with the tear gas and tasers.

[Groans]

[Silence]

[Shower runs]

Simone: [Shrieks] You're getting it everywhere.

[Man growls]

I actually don't think I can go on unless I have sex.

I might actually die.

What, do you breathe out of your muff or something?

It's been almost two weeks.

It's like I'm in a Jane Austen movie or something.

He hasn't said anything to you, has he?

No.

Well, if you happen to be speaking to him, could you maybe ask...

You ask him.

I have!

But every time he's like, "I've got an early start," or "I'm training a new chef," or "not on the traffic island."

I'm going. Bye.

Thanks.

Some sample comments.

Melissa from Western Australia, "can he be the next bachelor?"

Jan from Adelaide, "he's something me and my daughter enjoy together."

Ew.

Glen from Hobart, "any information about his orientation would be greatly appreciated."

So, Jack's come out of the gates at 'love' in the last audience research, whereas Eric has plateaued at 'neutral'.

We want as much of Jack as we can possibly get within a G rating, but contractually we can't have less Eric, so we're looking for content that unites them.

Are you thinking studio content or could we possibly do a location sh**t?

Either.

What about a cook-off?

Like competitive Sushi rolling, potentially in traditional Japanese attire.

I feel like I've seen it.

Yoga. Jack could teach Eric yoga.

Eric in downward dog is not an image I want to inflict on myself or the world.

At the risk of getting too newsy...

No, Dale.

What about a Canberra week?

Dale.

Jack and Eric in the nation's capital...

Lily?

There's always the fitness challenge thing.

You know, an interactive lifestyle makeover.

Keep going.

Well, we could get them both to wear branded step-it trackers for a week.

All their activity will be recorded and the audience could compare it online and then the results will be announced live on air.

Do you wear those trackers on the wrist or on the bicep?

On the wrist, generally.

Can we talk about maybe...

No.

If you can keep Eric well away from Lycra, I like the fitness challenge.

OK, let's get to work.

OK.

OK.

♪♪♪

So, the bill comes in... $400.

Bloody ridiculous. Off a $200 quote.

Yeah, ridiculous.

It takes him 20 minutes to do the job.

Hey, Dad, I've got to tell you something.

What have you done?

No, no, it's not bad, but it might come as a bit of a surprise.

Um... Actually I'm gonna be a dad.

Since when?

Well, it's still early.

Is it with Lily?

No. What?

What? No, no, no, not with Lily. With Meredith.

Which one's she again?

The one from the café that I just moved in with.

Yeah, of course. Yes.

Congratulations.

Thanks, Dad.

[Laughs weakly]

I still think of you as a kid.

Yeah, so do I.

But I'm the same age you were when you had me.

Are you?

Yeah.

God, it looks different, doesn't it?

Yeah.

It will be the best thing you've ever done.

You think?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was for me.

Really?

Because, I mean, to be perfectly honest, Dad, you always just seemed a little bit bored by it.

Yeah, it's boring, but it's both.

It's both boring and amazing at the same time.

OK.

Is Lily excited?

Meredith.

So, this is obviously just a mock-up, but there'll be a Jack page and an Eric page, and the audience will be able to track your calories b*rned, your heart rate...

Um, technical question.

Yes?

Uh... Just in terms of privacy, will the audience be able to tell if we're, um...

... Well, you know, intimate with someone?

Um... I...

Just take it off before you go to bed, mate.

Might not be limited to the bedroom, Jack.

I'm kidding! I'm so kidding.

Not really. Anyway, you can take them off at night.

Yeah, absolutely. So, if you guys want to slip them on now...

Um... No, Eric, you don't have to take your shirt off.

[Clicks tongue]

[Laughs] It's wrist.

It's wrist, yeah.

Of course it is.

Lily, would you mind just popping it on there?

Yep.

Um... OK, so, if you just want to look at the display, you should be able to see steps taken, distance, calories, um... heart rate.

Might be experiencing a minor surge in that department right now.

[Laughs] No, I'm kidding.

I am so kidding. Not really.

Anyway, continue, when you're ready.

He's pretty inappropriate.

Hm. It's fine. He's just old school.

Does Sasha know how he is around you?

I can handle it.

But you shouldn't have to.

Look, I don't wanna make a situation out of it, and, yes, I know that is how evil prospers, but it's Wednesday and I'm facing five solid days of him, so congratulations, Evil.

Anyway, are you home tonight?

I was thinking of cooking dinner for you and Simone.

I think I, um... I have...

Yeah, I've got a whole... bunch of emails I have to get back to, so I might just leave you two to it.

It's not uncomfortable, is it? Having me at your place?

No. No, no, no. No, no. Why would it be?

It's just this past week I've been thinking about you.

Thinking about me?

Thinking about it from your perspective.

You have to work with me all day here, then to get me at your place as well, it's a whole lot of Jack.

I can handle a whole lot of J... Jack.

Just if it's getting annoying give me a sign.

See you tonight.

OK.

Bye.

[Whispers] A whole lot of Jack.

Simone: Oh! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

[Simone shrieks]

[Man groans]

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa!

[Knocks]

[Tries door]

Oh.

Sorry.

I have to be out of the house in 15 minutes, and you do too, Jack, so really you should hurry...

Lils!

Lucas?

I thought you were J... I... didn't know you were in town.

Just for one night. Just for one night. Ah!

You're looking good, little Lil-lover.

Thanks. You, too.

I've been getting into the interval training.

Feeling the burn. Feeling the burn! Ah!

Good for you.

Have you seen my watch?

It's really nice.

Do you like it?

You can have it.

Oh, that's OK.

No, go on, take it. It's yours.

Oh, do you mind if I use the bathroom?

Go for it, Hillary Clinton.

♪♪♪

[Door opens]

Psst. Is he gone?

What the hell is going on?

I think I fell off the wagon.

What happened to Jack?!

Last night when I went to bed you two were curled up on the couch together.

I know.

I thought it was all going well, but then I don't know why, but Jack started going on about things he had to check at the restaurant and getting up early, and he left and I was a bit upset.

So you booty-called Lucas?

No.

I swear, he just happened to text and I responded.

I honestly didn't think I was gonna sleep with him.

[Reads] "In town. What's up? I mean, besides me." Rocket emoji.

I know it's terrible, but actually, in the long run, I think it's gonna be good.

How could it be good?

Because it really clarified that that is what I do not want.

I think it was a bit like I was driving recklessly and I almost had an accident, but it ended up being a good reminder of the importance of road safety.

Simone, I think you had the accident. The accident was loud.

The accident left me with no hot water.

Please don't say anything to Jack.

[Sighs]

♪♪♪

So, everyone said living together would be either brilliant or terrible, but three weeks in it's kind of both.

I'm sleeping.

Libido-wise, there's a definite imbalance, and some of her opinions drive me mental.

Because of the incredible amount of evidence and documentation.

Have you actually seen footage of the moon landing?

Yes, tons of it.

Well, why is the flag waving?

Where's the wind on the moon?

[Sighs]

The no-sex thing I'd be worried about, but the moon landing...

Oh, no, we do have sex, just not as much as I thought.

No, when we have it, it's amazing.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, it's the best sex of my life.

Of your life?

Don't... I mean...

The best sex of your life?

I so regret saying that.

Well, you were not the best sex of my life either.

But I would still like to give you an award for the evening we spent together.

[Hesitantly] Thank you.

Do you know what it is?

No.

It's for turning up... participation.

It's a participation award.

Let me tell you about the single biggest problem Meredith and I have had so far.

I think that would be a good idea, yes.

OK, so, she's got this best friend, right?

He's a dude. He's named Mitchell.

[Phone vibrates]

Your phone.

OK.

Hey. No, no, it's fine.

And every time he rings, she goes outside to the very back corner of the garden, right?

Totally out of earshot, and they always talk for over an hour.

And last time she comes back in, she's looking totally devastated, and she's never offered to introduce me to him, not once.

You never introduced me to Meredith and I'm your best friend.

You've met her.

When?

At the café.

She made me a coffee once or twice.

And that was before I even knew you two were together.

That's not exactly how I'd choose to meet the mother of my best friend's child.

That's beside the point.

Pretty direct correlation, but go on.

But it's a worry.

Right? This whole Mitchell thing, that's a definite worry.

I'd just do a group meet. Throw them all in the room together.

You know, if I see them together I'll know if you should be worried.

That's not comforting.

So, that message I left you at 2am...

Oh, the Simone sex fest?

Yeah. Turns out not Jack... Lucas.

Lucas?!

Mm-hm.

Like, Cokehead Lucas?

Yep.

What happened to the chef?

Nothing.

Apparently Simone is still dating Jack, but he went home a bit early that night, Simone felt a little bit lonely for about two minutes, so she decided to rebound with a five-hour sex fest.

She's awesome.

What am I supposed to do?

Nothing. It's none of your business.

Well, it is kind of my business, seeing as she's my flatmate, he's my colleague and I introduced them.

Are you hot for him or something?

What?

You heard me.

No.

You are.

I am not!

No, I feel conflicted because if they implode, I am right in the middle.

And you want to sleep with him just a little bit.

No.

Don't you?

No, OK, I'll acknowledge Jack is attractive, but we would not be compatible, I'm certain of it.

We'd be like 45% max.

Oh, you've calculated?

Our dispositions are kind of similar, so that's 35%.

Conversation's easy... that's another 35%.

Right.

But he's really earnest and he also does often take breaks for meditation time, which drags him right down to 45%, which is below sustainable relationship levels.

Yeah, you totally wanna sleep with him.

[Phone rings]

Hi. Sorry, Mum, two secs. I'm just...

No, it's fine... just when you get here take a close look at your father.

Why?

Just take a close look.

At anything in particular?

I think he might have had some work done.

Work?

Cosmetically. Huh? OK?

I'm not gonna say any more. Just let me know what you think.

[Laughs]

Dad, you were out of home at 17. I'm 31.

Yeah, but that's not the point.

Why? Why is that not the point?

It's very different circumstances.

I can live independently, Dad.

I mean a different era.

I mean, I had to leave home. My parents were from the depression.

Your mother and I are much more similar to you, culturally.

Well, and looks-wise, in your case, Tony.

Pardon? Well...

Lily certainly loves it at home. I mean, she's always staying over.

For about a night a month, then she goes back to her own house.

Still says she never gets a better night's sleep than at home.

Don't you, Lil?

That's true.

You look very well rested, Tony.

Extremely well rested.

What's your secret?

Well, I have been doing a bit of mindfulness.

And I bought a humidifier, too, to put in the bedroom.

Very effective.

You know, you can actually feel the difference.

Does it whiten your teeth?

Mum.

Just regular brushing, Mimi.

I thought the point of these dinners was to pretend we were a nice, normal, happy post-divorce family.

Can we pretend a little bit better, please?

I am being nice. I'm being very, very nice.

I'm complimenting your father. His teeth look lovely.

Blindingly lovely.

Mum, come on.

I reckon you could see them from space. [Laughs]

[Laughs] Mum.

Mum, I... no.

All I'm saying is he didn't look, like, fake.

Oh, yes, so, you're actually saying that he had good work done.

No!

No, seriously, should I consider having some work done?

No. Not at all.

Hi, Mimi.

[Gasps] Simone.

Oh. Have you met Jack?

No. Hello.

Hello.

Pleasure to meet you.

Oh. I love you on the show.

I even downloaded Instagram so I could follow you.

Mum.

Well, I'll follow you back.

Oh, no, I don't post anything, I just, you know, look and like.

Oh, OK, Mum, that's creepy.

Now, Simone, you will tell me honestly, should I consider having some work done?

Oh, god.

No, you're beautiful.

You're too young for it. How old are you... mid-40s?

Oh, OK, Simone, marry him.

What happens, sometimes when I look in the mirror I just, I don't know, I just look a little bit angry.

No, you don't.

At most, you'd need a little bit of Botox.

Simone!

Just a little bit.

It's not like you need it. I personally love your wrinkles.

Oh, my god.

What? I do.

Song-lines of your experience.

Yes.

And your face is singing beautiful songs, Mimi.

It's like an opera.

[Laughs] OK, I should go.

[Mouths words]

Where is she?

The bathroom.

She is unbelievable.

If someone asks you a cosmetic surgery question it's always a must-lie situation.

Everybody knows that.

Actually, I wasn't lying. Your mum is beautiful.

I can see...

What?

Just, I can see where you get it from.

It's getting late.

[mobile phone ringing]

Pete.

So, I did what you suggested... I invited Mitchell to a group dinner.

How'd it go?

Pete, you should probably know that Mitchell is more than an old friend.

He's an ex.

OK.

Yeah, he's the ex I tried to have a baby with for all those years.

Oh.

And apparently he'd love to meet me.

So, we're gonna do a group dinner tomorrow night. Do not cancel.

I will be there. Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm exhausted. We had this massive D&M.

I'm sorry I didn't say everything.

It's just part of my history that I'm trying to resolve before, you know...

Sure.

Have you tried cyberstalking him yet?

I can't. I don't even know his last name.

What? Are you a total amateur?

What?

Hang on. [Types]

What are you doing?

OK, his last name is Denham.

What? How did you...

Meredith only has one friend called Mitchell on social media.

And... Hang on.

He's an investment banker.

Mid-40s. He's hot.

Jesus, who are you... Edward Snowden?

This is embarrassingly basic, Pete.

Clearly, him and Meredith did a lot of travelling together.

I'm not getting any of this. Is it Denham as in, like, 'double denim'?

He's way more corporate than I imagined.

OK, I got it. I got it. I'll call you back.

And my role in those days was more of an analyst across a whole range of areas, from commercial lending to private equity.

Hey. Coming to bed?

Yeah. Yep. [Clears throat]

Pete...

There's still a lot we have to discover about each other, but let's just always start from a place of trust.

Of course. Yeah. No, I do trust you.

Mitchell: [On computer] Day to day it was mostly research.

Crunching numbers, trying to apply a means of common sense.

[Closes program]

Whoo!

Ha!

You know, for me there's no better way to start the day than with a blast of endorphins.

And there's no better exercise than squats.

What do you reckon? Let's do it.

Whoo! Yeah.

[Laughs] Feeling that.

Keep low. You know, our bodies were built for this.

Oh, that's good.

Are we out?

Out.

Alice... [Pants] ... Just, uh... 25 more, or 30 if you can, yeah?

OK.

Yeah?

Uh... This will edit together, won't it?

Yeah. I hope this is heartburn.

Ooh.

And then straight into push-ups.

Remember, elbows in, back strong.

Alright.

Ha-ha! Yeah!

Just kiddin'!

And then when you're really feeling that, let's get that heart pumping with...

... Sprints.

Whoa. It's quite the routine, isn't it?

It certainly is, Erica, but is it translating into results?

Well, right now we're joined by trainer Phil for the final stage of our step-it fitness challenge.

And cut.

OK, great. Thanks, Erica.

Now, if I can just grab Eric, Jack and trainer Phil, I'll...

Morning, Phil.

So, we'll just play that short package...

I certainly hope you're not referring to my package.

Hey? [Laughs] Package!

And then if you want to come join Jack on the couch?

Uh, you want to walk me through it?

It... It's just walking to the couch.

Putty in your hands, Lily.

Putty.

Ha!

I'll walk you through it, mate.

Eh?

Come on, just around here, mate.

Oh. Oh, I'm right, mate.

Are you, mate?

Yeah, I think I am.

Good.

Hang on, how do you unstrap this thing, again?

Can you show me, mate?

Where do...

Mate, your cock is on my shoulder.

[Crew laugh]

That's gold.

There we go.

No, I don't think he was trying to throw you.

Well, what was it? Some sort of in-joke thing?

I think he was just trying to...

Do you know what?

I don't appreciate being the butt of the joke in front of the entire crew, Lily!

Eric...

Jack was just doing what you do to me all the time.

What?!

Well, you lean over me, too. Just like that.

Oh, come on, that's completely different. You and me, we were...

We're just joking around.

Yeah, well, Jack was just joking around, too.

Lily, you and I have been working together for years.

I'd hope if you ever had an issue you'd just say so!

Alright, I'm saying so. It's an issue.

Your sexually loaded jokes make me uncomfortable.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier.

Right.

OK, well, shame to drop the segment.

No, I don't want to drop the segment.

No, no, you've made yourself very clear.

Alice!

I will get you guys back up there and maybe you can do some...

Hey Um... Sasha just called, she's dropping the segment.

It's just, um... The show's running too long, so...

I'm so sorry, Phil.

We're still totally committed to the summer bikini challenge.

It's fine.

Thanks. Bye.

I'm sorry.

Don't you apologise.

I had no idea the whole segment would be canned.

I loved what you just did.

Will there be repercussions?

Maybe.

But I don't care.

Good. 'Cause neither do I.

[Unlocks phone]

[Whispers] Problem. Problem. Massive problem.

Jack was just a total hero with Eric and now I'm rethinking our compatibility levels.

I think they might be as high as 70%.

Lil, you can just admit you're hot for him, you don't need to pull out the statistics.

No, you don't understand.

He just... he pulled this total he for she moment.

It was full-on Justin Trudeau meets Obama, and he did it in front of the entire crew.

I didn't... I didn't know he had that kind of integrity and courage.

And, alright... I'll admit it, he's ridiculously fuckable.

He...

Oh, my god.

What?

I've gotta go. I'll call back. I'll call back. I'll call back.

[Ends call]

Ted, you didn't hear anything through this, did you?

I'm guessing it would be better if I said no.

Who else would have heard?

Well, that pack was patched into Nikkii, Jack and, um...

Lil.

Hamilton.

Lil.

What you just heard through your earpiece...

Lil, it's fine. I know. I already knew, so...

There's nothing to know.

I have been sensing a bit of a high-pressure system between you two.

Please don't.

Just watching the UV index get to quite dangerous levels.

I kinda get what you're doing.

I'm thinking I might declare a total fire ban.

Enough with the weather metaphors, yeah?

Look, at the end of the day, Lil, meteorology, sexual tension-ology...

... It's all just water and wind.

Water and wind. That's disgusting.

I'm going. Never say anything to anyone... ever.

Yeah. No.

Yeah?

Alice, is Jack still in make-up?

No. He left. Really suddenly. Weird morning, I guess.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

Lil, I'm gonna ask you something, but I want you to know whatever the answer, I won't be angry.

Did you say something to Jack about Lucas?

What? No. Why?

I'm not gonna be angry, I just wanna know.

I didn't say anything.

There's something in your eyes... there's a freaked-outedness in your eyes.

You are the source of the freaked-outedness. What happened?

I invited him tonight to Pete's and he said he was gonna come, he likes meeting people.

Then he just sent me this text.

[Reads] "Problems at the restaurant. Can't come tonight."

"Talk tomorrow hopefully."

'Hopefully'?

I'm sorry, Sim, I really don't know.

Yeah. OK.

[Groans]

[On phone] Hi. You've reached Jack.

I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave me your name...

♪ [Warehouse Eyes Lullaby] ♪

Are these candles a little bit Marilyn Manson's birthday party?

I like them. They're from Morocco.

Oh.

Mm.

[Knock at door]

Can you just stand normally?

I am standing normally.

Hello.

Hi.

God, look at you.

Oh.

Glowing.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Oh, this is Pete.

Great to meet you, mate.

Hey, you.

Oh. Yep.

I've been reading your stuff online. Brilliant taste in music.

Excellent sign.

Thank you.

Yeah, I've been looking at you, too, on YouTube.

On YouTube? I'm not on YouTube.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, you are.

Really?

What am I doing? Should I be worried?

Oh, nothing too bad.

You're just talking about, um... Investment Bankery stuff.

I couldn't understand it, really.

[All laugh]

Oh. What can I get you to drink?

Well, why don't you open that one?

Mm. Wow.

Pickering Valley.

I love your place.

Thanks.

Wow.

So...

So, do you...

Sorry, you go.

So, how did you two meet?

When I started working at the café.

Oh, you used to wait tables, did you, when you were cracking into writing?

I still do. Yeah, just to... to... [Clears throat] supplement it.

Mm. Yeah. And you guys?

University.

Yeah.

Do you realise it's 20 years since we met?

It is not.

It's true.

Oh.

It's disturbing, but it's true.

We actually met in the grunge era.

Sound garden, stuff like that.

Yeah.

And, believe it or not, we totally lived it.

We did.

Totally.

Oh, my gosh, so much flannel.

A lot of flannel. Acres of flannel. Right, right.

And now look at you... in the hipster era with a hipster.

[Laughs weakly]

No, no, I'm not really a hipster.

Oh, come on, you're a music journalist, a barista.

There's a lot of hipster in that combination.

Well, maybe if I had a weird beard or something.

Yeah.

You do have a beard.

Yeah, but not the...

[Knock at door]

That will be the others.

Hey.

Hi. Oh, it's lovely to meet you at last.

You, too.

Meredith, this is Lily.

You must be Simone.

I'm Simone.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Your place is gorgeous.

Oh.

So not Pete-esque.

Oh, really? What qualifies as Pete-esque?

Oh, it's classy, imaginative, sophisticated.

Filth. Total filth.

Yeah.

Do you know, one time I went round to Pete's house and it really, really stank.

And I asked him, "when was the last time you washed your towels?"

OK.

And do you know what he said?

"Why would I wash my towels? I only use them when I'm clean."

[Laughs]

I was being ecologically responsible.

Hi, I'm Mitchell. Lovely to meet you.

Oh, you're Meredith's friend.

Yeah. Very old friend, yes.

Oh, not that old.

Lily and I were at university together, too.

Yeah, we were.

Were you? At uni? Girlfriend?

Oh, no, no. No, nothing romantic between us. No.

I can assure you.

Almost. [Laughs]

Oh, really? [Laughs]

What? It was one hook-up.

OK, just...

Well, briefly.

It was a disaster, by the way. Don't worry, it was a total disaster.

Not helping, Sim. Not helping.

I would be reassured, because you went there and it sucked, so...

What? It didn't... Yeah.

I didn't need reassuring, but thank you.

I don't know maybe he's just flirtatious kind of guy.

So you admit he's flirting?

I'm not saying that.

I mean, how about the bit where he asked if you were my girlfriend?

That was cock block of the century.

Pete, she's pregnant to you.

I don't think it's possible for him to block your cock at this stage.

Well, not past cock, but future cock's very blockable.

Future cock is on the block.

Is everything OK?

Yes, great.

Good. No, I was just showing... So, yeah, this is little bofa.

So, they have morning TV on the weekends?

Oh, yeah, they have it every day of the week.

It's hosted by a guy... I don't know if you know him.

His name's Eric Albrectson, and a woman called Erica Jones.

No. No, I'll have to look him up.

Oh, no, don't. You probably won't like him.

[Phone rings]

Oh. Excuse me.

Pete: Oh, that was delicious.

Mum? Yeah, I'm at dinner. I can't...

[On phone] Could you come around?

What's wrong?

I can't move my face. It's frozen.

Mum, you didn't!

I think I'm having some kind of an allergic reaction.

Well, have you showed Vincent?

I... I can't tell Vincent.

He's a trained doctor.

No, he'll just tell your father.

Well, Mum, I can't leave.

I mean, I'm sure it will be OK, but, look, I'll come round first thing in the morning.

If it gets worse please go see Vincent.

Alright. OK.

Sorry. Have a good dinner.

Don't tell your father.

Goodbye, Mum.

Sorry about that.

Everything alright?

Yeah, yeah, fine. I'd describe it as a medical non-emergency.

Well, um, while we're all here...

[Taps on glass] Oh.

... Look, I just wanna take this opportunity to thank you for this lovely dinner and to say, well, it's just been so great to meet you, Pete.

You too.

And you too, Lily and Simone.

Meredith has always been...

... Well, she's a really important part of my life, and I am just so happy that she's getting something she's always wanted and has always deserved.

So, cheers to you both.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Oh, and I got this.

Just... just a little gift for later. Don't open it now.

Why? What is this?

It's just a little gift. Later.

Oh.

It's for $30,000.

I was gonna wait till the baby was born, but I thought maybe you could use it now to get set up.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

We can't take that.

That's too much, sorry. I mean, thank you.

Thank you, it's incredibly generous of you, but we don't need that.

It's really no problem.

No, I know.

You could put it in a trust or...

Yeah, we're fine.

Thanks.

Are you done? Mmm!

Yeah.

We'll clear the plates up.

I'll help.

Can I take that? I'll take that for you.

Ooh. Wow. Spicy, wasn't it?

Good.

But you didn't have to reject it straight away.

What was I supposed to say? "Thank you, we'll discuss it later"?

Yeah, maybe.

I mean, honestly, Pete, that amount of money, it's nothing to Mitchell.

That's not the point.

I don't want to be 30 grand in debt to your ex-boyfriend.

I think we need to check in with what's driving you here, because I think you're letting your pride drive you right now.

Yeah, probably.

I mean, I would like to retain some level of pride.

OK, can we visualise something?

Meredith.

Please, just... Just for a moment.

Please?

Yeah?

OK.

Good. OK, so, now, I want you to take that pride...

... And just set it aside just for a second.

Are you doing that?

OK, yeah.

And now I want you to picture our baby.

Are you picturing our child?

Yeah.

And it's just turned 10 and it's looking up to me and it says, "Dad, why the hell did you let Mum's ex pay for my education?"

"Do you have a ball sac or not?"

Well, that was the vision.

Hi, you've reached Jack. I can't get to the phone right now...

Message bank again.

I feel like he liked me at first and then he got to know me and then he stopped.

Always happens.

No, it doesn't.

I've known you forever and I like you.

Yeah, but you don't wanna have sex with me.

That's true.

Actually one time you did.

No, I didn't.

You did get completely naked in front of me.

I have never willingly got naked in front of you, you have stormed in while I was getting changed.

You laughed.

Yeah, like a "you're unbelievable, Simone" laugh.

But there were layers to the laugh. Sexual layers.

I can hear them, yeah.

[Laughs] What?

There was a slight sex layer then, too.

It just felt so heavy in the brow, like cement, and then Vincent tells me it looks toxic.

No, I said it's toxic because it is.

It's a neurotoxic protein. I was just being accurate, Mum.

I feel reaction-wise like I'm in a lose-lose situation here.

Either I concur and I make you panic or I deny and I make you think you've wasted $300.

Oh, I don't care about the $300.

Mum, you look as good as ever and you have nothing to worry about.

Isn't that right, Vincent?

Are we seriously becoming the family that has to convince our mother that her Botox is OK?

You look great, Mum. You don't need Botox.

[Whispers] I have got to move out.

Hey, Mum?

Mmm?

If you were overheard talking about someone at work, a colleague, and you were going on about how attractive they are jokingly...

... But there is a chance that they overheard, would you apologise or just pretend it never happened?

Did they hear you?

Possibly.

Highly likely, yeah.

And do you like them?

What?

Do you like them?

No!

No, and is... [Scoffs] is that even relevant?

I think it's at the centre of the whole problem. [Gasps]

Oh, my god!

Oh! I can frown! Ha-ha!

[Knock on door]

Jack: Come in.

Hey. Hi. Um...

Are you not answering my calls?

Sorry. Insane day yesterday.

My sous-chef went over on his bike.

Had to pull a 14-hour shift.

Oh.

What did you need me for?

I...

I...

I just thought maybe I should, um...

... clarify, er, something that I said yesterday.

Um...

Something that you might have overheard.

What was that?

You didn't...

... hear anything... odd?

Did you say something odd?

Nope. No.

So you wanted to come down and tell me you didn't say anything odd?

Yep.

Look, I did hear something that maybe I don't think you realised I could hear.

[Softly] In your earpiece?

About me being 70%...

I might come in for a brief chat just quickly.

Really, you don't have to explain.

No, I really, really do.

Lily, it's fine.

Oh, it's just...

The whole Eric thing happened and then I was on the phone to my friend who I always joke around with and I said that 70% thing and all the other things I said.

It was really a way of saying...

... I loved what you did.

It was a really confusing way of me saying it and a stupid, stupid thing for me to say and I just...

Honestly I thought it was funny. I didn't give it a second thought.

It's just Simone's my best friend...

Look.

... And I...

Simone and I...

Whatever happens between us is completely separate to you and I.

OK?

OK.

As far as I'm concerned, it's all good.

OK?

OK.

I mean, apart from anything else, 70%, it's not that high.

No, it's actually... it's quite moderate, really, isn't it?

Well, my main worry was, "where am I losing the 30%?"

I've got to work on that.

You do talk a lot about meditation.

What's wrong with meditation?

Freaks me out.

And I get especially freaked out by people who post pictures of themselves meditating, which you've been known to do.

I mean, who actually takes that photograph?

Well, I did afterwards.

So you admit you weren't meditating?

I had been seconds earlier.

#Meditation fraud.

And thousands of people like those pictures, including your mum.

I should also point out that you only went up to 70% because of the whole Eric situation, and since that's over you've dropped right back down to your normal level, which is much lower.

How much lower?

Sub-50.

Sub-50?

Yeah. [Chuckles]

I should go.

[Phone rings]

Oh!

Simone.

Oh, no, take it. Take it, take it, just don't mention me.

Don't mention anything about me.

We're not doing anything wrong.

I know. We're at work.

I know. Take it.

Simone?

Hey.

Ah, yeah, sorry, I just... I got up and came straight to work.

Ah, tonight's going to be difficult.

I don't always say that.