02x06 - Teddy Perkins

[bunniefuu]

(DARIUS HUMMING, VOCALIZING)

Sh...

Sorry.

Do you got any dehydrated mango, ginger?

Jicama, perhaps?

Nah.

- (SCANNER BEEPS)

- Hmm.

(SIGHS)

This place sucks.

How much for that hat?

And this?

Ten dollars.

Bet.

(BEATBOXING)

(DARIUS HUMMING)

Oh.

Look at you.

(VOCALIZING)

("SWEET LITTLE GIRL" BY STEVIE WONDER PLAYING)

♪ Sweet little girl ♪

♪ You know your baby loves you ♪

♪ Your love is driving me crazy, crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Sweet little girl... ♪

♪ Girl, I'm in love...

(SPEAKER CHIMES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

MAN (OVER SPEAKER): Hello?

Hey, yeah, um, I'm here for the pickup.

(LOCK BUZZES)

Thank you.

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

(DARIUS HUMMING)

Wow.

I should probably...

yeah.

Okay.

(DOOR OPENS)

(CREAKING)

Hello?

Hello?

Um, I'm here for the...

the, uh, pick...

MAN: Was that Mr. Wonder?

In the car?

Oh, yeah.

Music of My Mind. Masterpiece.

I love Stevie.

Yeah, me, too.

I-I like to, uh, listen to it on long drives because, uh, his songs are long, you know?

(CHUCKLES)

Yes.

I'm Darius.

Apologies.

I'm Theodore Perkins.

Please... call me Teddy.

Come on.

Please, come sit in the parlor.

Oh, cool.

I've never been in a house with a parlor before.

Would you like a glass of water?

Yeah.

Kind of parched.

Darius would like a glass of water when you have a moment.

Would you like some?

What is that?

It's a soft-boiled ostrich egg.

It's called an owl's casket.

Nah, I'm good.

(LOUD CRACKING)

(CLOCK TICKING)

So...

you're here about the piano.

How did you hear about it?

Um...

someone posted on the biohacking message board saying their boss had a multicolored key piano.

Trying to get rid of it.

Free of charge.

Sam.

Was it Sam?

My audiovisual woman.

Uh, we don't use real names on the message boards so, so maybe?

Hmm.

Oops.

Are you a music lover?

Yeah.

Yeah, I consider myself...

yeah.

I work with a friend of mine.

He's a rapper.

Rap.

There's a funny one.

I found it never quite grew out of its adolescence.

No, I wouldn't say that.

You know, we got Jay-Z.

He's, like, .

But don't you find it insufficient as an art form?

Nah, I think, you know, every now and again, people just want to have a good time.

Good time.

Hmm.

How long have you played?

Oh, you...

(CHUCKLES)

you're talking about the piano.

Uh, nah, I never studied.

I just, uh, kind of like the way it looks, especially this one with the colored keys.

Are you a fan of Benny's?

Who?

Benny Hope.

The pianist.

He's the one who owned the piano.

He's my brother.

Oh, sh-sh*t!

Is that Keith Jarrett?

Yes.

- Let me look at that.

- Yes.

- And Stevie, as well.

- (CHUCKLES)

And Al Jarreau and Ahmad Jamal.

I think Nina's over there somewhere.

Ahmad and my brother, they had a residency in New York together.

Hmm.

That's Flames, man.

Yes.

Flames.

My-my brother and Ahmad, they were staying at a-a hotel in Brooklyn off of Bergen Street.

Eight dollars a night, if you can believe it.

He told me something I'll never forget.

He said, "Your brother...

plays pain better than anyone." Benny just played what he knew.

Is he, uh, no longer with us?

No, he's alive.

He lives here with me.

I take care of him.

He developed a rare skin condition.

Can no longer go in the sunlight.

Yeah.

You see, I keep it quite dark in here.

- Damn.

- Yeah.

He must get depressed.

It's not easy.

But who knows?

Maybe one day we'll get a great album out of it.

A masterpiece.

Yeah.

Righteous, brother.

Uh, your, uh, your butler or whatever, they, um, didn't bring the water yet.

Oh, I don't have a butler.

I just use this to remember things.

(RECORDER BEEPS)

TEDDY (ON RECORDER): Finish that hat for Dionne Warwick.

- (RECORDER BEEPS)

- Wash your hands, immediately.

- (RECORDER BEEPS)

- Darius would like a glass of water when you have a moment.

Right then.

Excuse me.

(CHUCKLES)

This...

Yeah, I can't sit next to this.

Mm-mm.

(HUMMING)

Mm.

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

Uh-huh.

(SNEEZES, GRUNTS)

(SNIFFLES)

Oh.

(PIANO PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

- Oh!

- Ooh!

(CHUCKLES)

What are you doing up here?

Uh, I-I just heard the piano.

It sounded great, so...

Shh, shh.

Benny, he...

he's sleeping.

He's very tired, um...

he needs his rest.

- You know?

- DARIUS: Okay.

- Uh-huh.

Okay.

- TEDDY: Thank you.

Um, cool.

Do you...

do you still want the water?

Oh...

yeah.

I can bring it to you.

Downstairs.

Bottled or tap?

Uh...

bottled, I guess.

- (CHUCKLES)

- Oh.

Bottled.

I'll bring it...

I have Fiji, and Evian.

I'll mix it with some Poland Springs.

Maybe a Voss?

Okay.

(STAMMERS)

No, I'll see you downstairs.

But I just wanted to ask...

Okay.

ALFRED (OVER PHONE): Why the f*ck you still there?

Look, man, I really, really want this piano, man.

It's nice.

There's colored keys.

And it's free.

But is you willing to die for it, though, man?

I mean, he sound like a serial k*ller.

And let me get a five cheese Krystal combo, no fries.

KRYSTAL EMPLOYEE: It's cheaper with fries.

No fries.

That's rich n*gga sh*t, man.

You don't know nothing about that.

DARIUS: Look, man, if I leave, I'll regret it.

And I got a two regret life limit pact.

Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

A what?

A two regret life limit pact.

Somebody got to take me out if I go over two.

What?

How would anyone know you went over two regrets?

I'd tell them.

- (GROANING): Look...

- KRYSTAL EMPLOYEE: Oh, sh*t.

Paper Boi!

I mean, the dude is obviously a weirdo, man.

Look, now just play along with it, get the piano, get the hell up out.

Yeah, but how, though, man?

I feel like...

like he stalling or something.

Like he want to keep me here.

Explain it again, man.

Is Teddy the white dude or the black dude?

You know what?

I don't even think Teddy exists, bro.

I feel like Benny created Teddy to make up for the fact that he made himself look like a ghoul.

A ghoul?

I mean, how bad is it?

It's real bad, man.

I mean, bad.

The n*gga look like somebody left Sammy Sosa in the dryer.

- (CHUCKLES)

- Sammy Sosa?

Yeah.

Skin bleaching?

Look, have somebody type in, um, "Sammy Sosa hat" in Google image search.

ALFRED: Hey, man, look, man.

Sometimes, people come over, they want a quarter, and they feel like they can sit and chat and sh*t.

But other people, you know what I'm saying, like, they want an eighth, they pay me, and they get the hell on.

- Can I take a flick?

To Laurence.

- Look, man...

- Say happy birthday, Laurence.

- That's how I know

- that I'm simply a conduit...

- This n*gga gonna stunt on me

- with the new iPhone.

- between them and their weed.

See, keep gunning, and he ain't got no choice but to make clear what he want from you.

I see what you're saying.

I see, I see what you're...

you're saying be unequivocally honest to make a healthy transaction.

Wow, man, you know what?

You keep this up, you could be the next Steve Harvey, bro.

Steve Harvey, n*gga?

No, no, no.

I'm-I'm like Dr.

Phil, you know what I'm saying?

- (LAUGHING): Yo.

- Hell, that, that n*gga stay caked up.

- Yo!

sh*t!

- What the...?

- (LAUGHS)

- Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

- What happened?

- Yo!

(LAUGHTER)

Yo, why this n*gga the same color as his f*cking hat?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Yeah, man, this n*gga looks like a white man's penis.

(ALL LAUGH)

Yo, man, why this n*gga look like what's under a scab, though?

(ALL LAUGH)

- g*dd*mn.

- Oh, God.

Peace, man.

All right, peace.

Oh, God.

(CHUCKLES)

Put some extra fries in there.

Take them out.

Just don't eat them, damn.

(EXHALES)

Man.

Hmm.

(KNOCKING ON GLASS)

- (CAMERA CLICKS)

- Ugh.

- (CAMERA WHIRS)

- Surprise.

sh*t.

Yeah, I'm not a big photo person.

Apologies.

Um, this is yours, anyway.

I got you your water.

Oh, yes, thank you.

I needed that.

TEDDY: Hmm.

Oh.

That's cool.

TEDDY: Feel free to take any of it.

DARIUS: Yeah.

What is this place, man?

It's a gift shop.

I designed it myself to feel...

like a trophy room.

More in the motif of the museum.

Oh, wait, so you're turning this whole place into a museum?

Yes.

I've already started the process of making this a historical site.

You're actually the first person to be in here.

Feel free to Twitter or blogspot any of it.

Uh, you know what, actually, I'm kind of in a rush, uh...

May I show you something?

Um...

I-I promise to get you your piano.

I...

I really think you'll like what I have in store.

Sure.

(DOORS CREAK)

What's in there?

Go ahead.

Walk in.

Okay.

Hey, uh, Teddy?

Uh...

This is my favorite part of the museum.

- What the hell is this?

- (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

This is my father.

He's the reason for all of this.

When me and Benny were children, he instituted a very rigorous training method.

Piano three hours a day, twice a day.

With exams on Sundays, that, if failed, meant physical punishment.

(CHUCKLES)

He wanted the best out of us.

It's because of him we have all of this.

So you said your dad, uh, used to b*at you so you'd be good at piano?

To be good at life.

We were his sacrifice.

Oh.

Well, um, I'm not trying to, like, sh*t on your dad, or nothing, man, but that seems a little... unnecessary.

Most people wouldn't understand.

To make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs.

I mean, to build bridges, people have to fall.

Are you not mad at your dad?

Of course not.

There was no way for a child to understand what was at stake.

He just wanted the best for us.

My father used to say, "Great things come from great pain." I want this wing of the museum to be dedicated to great fathers.

My father, Joe Jackson, Marvin Gay Sr....

- (PHONE VIBRATES)

- Tiger Woods's father, Serena Williams's father,

the father that drops off Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club. Hey, uh, look, I...

I'd like to make this transaction as efficient as possible.

So is there any documents I got to sign?

For tax purposes?

Of course.

(DARIUS CLEARS THROAT)

Uh...

Ted?

Sure, um, sorry I can't, uh, thank Benny himself, personally, man.

Don't be.

The disease is very advanced, and he doesn't like people seeing him that way.

It's a very hard thing.

Yeah.

- I can imagine...

- No, you can't!

You have no idea.

Sign the highlighted parts.

I have to go turn on the elevator.

When it arrives, place the piano on it.

I'll wait for you in the lobby.

Okay, well, thanks...

All right, what is this?

The hell?

(PIANO KEYS BANGING)

(ELEVATOR WHIRRING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Back.

- (PRESSING BUTTON)

(SIGHS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(BUTTONS CLICKING)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

All right.

Fine, destiny.

(ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE)

(FURNACE RUMBLES)

(SQUEAKING NEARBY)

Shh.

_ Okay.

What do you want me to do?

_ (SIGHS)

Come on.

Are you serious?

Uh...

But why can't, why can't you just get the g*n?

All right.

All right.

I'll go get your g*n, but I got to put my piano in the car first, okay?

So you stay here.

And I'll be back with your... g*n.

ALFRED (OVER PHONE): Why would he say that, though?

DARIUS: I don't even know, bro.

This dude crazy, bruh.

He want me to k*ll him, this dude way past depressed.

(GRUNTS)

This whole situation's just been weird since I got here.

(GRUNTS)

Yep.

f*ck this sh*t, bro.

Look, I got the piano.

Now I'm just gonna get the hell up out of...

(THUD NEARBY)

(SIGHS)

Let me call you back, bro.

Hey.

Hey, Teddy!

Your car is blocking mine.

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Teddy?

(PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)

- (MUSIC GROWS LOUDER)

- (PROJECTOR CLICKING)

MAN (ON VIDEO): Come on, Benny, put something into it.

Posture.

Posture.

Keep your form.

(CRYING ON VIDEO)

Don't you cry.

Again!

- TEDDY: I love this song.

- Oh, sh*t.

(PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)

Yeah.

Something wrong?

Uh...

MAN (ON VIDEO): Watch your form.

Yeah.

You-you, uh, parked your car right in front of mine.

Oh.

I'll move it.

(PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)

Um...

TEDDY: Anything else?

Uh, where's your, uh, bath-bathroom?

It's up the stairs.

Third door on your left.

Okay.

Right next to the attic.

I was just up there myself.

Do you know what I found?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, man.

Chill, chill.

Congratulations.

For-for what?

I choose you.

You're my sacrifice.

Put your phone on the ground.

(DROPS PHONE)

No.

Keep that.

I want it to look real.

Want what to look real?

The home invasion.

You k*lled Benny because you were obsessed.

No, man.

You...

Look, there is no f*cking Benny, all right?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Sit in the chair.

(DROPS POKER)

Put them on.

Ankles first.

You know, uh, not all great things come from great pain.

Sometimes it's love.

Not everything's a sacrifice.

Sacrifices are necessary, Darius.

Yeah, maybe.

But your dad should have said sorry.

I'm sorry.

sh*t.

I went through daddy sh*t myself.

But when you're young, you try to just...

make it be okay and say everything's gonna be fine.

And that's just, you don't know the difference, but...

that don't give you an excuse to grow up and repeat the same sh*t over and over.

It's like there's a, there's a "what if" factor.

What if you would have been great at something else?

Or if you would have seen the love...

instead of all the other sh*t like, like Stevie.

I'm sorry?

Stevie Wonder.

Stevie had his own... sacrifices.

He was blind.

Yeah, but he wasn't blinded. He saw through his music.

That's beautiful...

but wrong.

(ELEVATOR WHIRRING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(BENNY WHEEZING)

Benny.

You're alive.

sh*t.

f*ck.

Benny, uh, look. I'm sorry that you had to go through what you had to go through, man.

- It...

- (WHEEZING)

What?

Oh.

Wait, Benny, what are you, what are you do...?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

f*ck.

Oh, sh*t.

g*dd*mn it.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(COUGHS)

Ugh.

(EXHALES)

f*ck.

("EVIL" BY STEVIE WONDER PLAYING)

♪ Evil ♪

♪ Why have you engulfed ♪

♪ So many hearts? ♪

♪ Evil... ♪

♪ Evil ♪

♪ Why have you destroyed ♪

♪ So many minds? ♪

♪ Leaving ♪

♪ Room for ♪

♪ Darkness ♪

♪ Where lost dreams ♪

♪ Can hide ♪

♪ Evil ♪

♪ Why do you infest ♪

♪ Our purest thoughts ♪

♪ With hatred? ♪

♪ Evil ♪

♪ Why have you stolen ♪

♪ So much love? ♪