04x07 - Lesson Number One

Episode transcripts for the show "The L Word". Aired: January 2004 to March 2009.*
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Drama series features a group of lesbians; Jenny, Bette, Tina, Shane, Kit and Alice and their friends, family and lovers living in the trendy Greater Los Angeles, as they deal with life's ups and downs. New sequel coming 2019.
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04x07 - Lesson Number One

Post by bunniefuu »

The L Word - x - Lesson Number One


Good morning.

Oh f*ck!

I got hours of sleep.

You're exhausting me.

Is it Gauguin?

Sendak.
Sendak!

It's the alarm clock.

I have to go to work.

You're the boss.
You could be late.

Oh f*ck...

I think I could fall in love with you.

Did you say something?

Nothing.

You wanna be inside me?
Yes.

Please, please...

I'm really gonna miss you, Sounder.

I'm very, very sorry that I used you.

I do care about you, Sounder.

I hope that you're in a much better place now.

Goodbye, Sounder.

Hey, Jenny.

Hey.

I like gardening. Did you read it?
Yeah.

Listen...
It's not so bad, right? I mean, Alice overreacted to the first installment, but, I mean, this one's not that bad, right?
I don't know, Jenny.

I mean, there's some stuff about Bette in here that's pretty harsh.

I don't have a character named Bette.

Okay. "Bev".

Whatever. I just... I don't think you should send it.

Bette, of all people, understands how artists create.

Bette's not stupid.
She understands the difference between reality and fiction.

But everybody knows who your characters are based on.

And it's not right to expose your friends like this.

Why don't you go back to your studio and lift some weights?

I mean, I don't think you understand my story.

Whatever.

Everything is an art to you, right?

Everything is desire.

Well, desire can't be everything.
No?

I have to get to work.
Oh no.

No, I do. I have to get to work.

It's the phone.

Hello?

Phyllis?

Are you okay? Where are you?

I'm at home.

I didn't go to Chicago for a convention.

I just, I don't... I don't know what to do.

I can't seem to pull myself together.

Here's what you do.
I want you go back into the office.

It's not good for you to be at home alone.

Alright? You need to get out of bed.

Phyllis, just stay where you are.

We're coming over.

Hi...

Yeah, that was Jodi Lerner.

Yeah, she came over early this morning.

Actually she came over last night and we spent the night together.
We've been seing each other.

Yes, she's a lesbian.

Yeah, it's all gonna be okay, Phyllis.
We'll be right there.

Okay, bye.

You are bad. You are bad.

Helena, we've all been whores at one time or another.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Everyone's done things for money they're not proud of.

It doesn't make you a whore.

Yeah, but she's not gonna sleep with this woman just to pay off a gambling debt.

Are you?

What else am I gonna do, Alice?

I'm gonna be a whore.

Hang on a sec, Helena.

Didn't you say that she was really beautiful?

Oh, she's stunning.
Really?

Does that make any difference, if I'm f*cking a beautiful woman for money?

I don't think so.

Yeah. Yeah, it helps.

I'd like to say that I was f*cking showing off my underwear for the whole world to see,

and that felt pretty whorish.

You see, Helena?

Everyone is a whore in their life at one time or another.

Princess of Darkness has spoken.

We've all been there one way or another.

Once I gave a blow job to a horn player.

So I could get a line of cocaine!

And afterwards, how did you feel?

High. I was a high ho.

It's one moment in your life, alright?

It's not going to define who you are.

Hey, next time you and me should go to the Planet for breakfeast.

Why?

Why? 'Cause it's good food and there's new people.

You need to get the f*ck outta Long Beach, Tash.

Explore some new portals and sh*t.

Portals? Isn't that Alice's thing?

You know I'm not into all that, Papi.
Yeah, but like,

seeing new things, experiencing new things, that's a good attitude towards life.

Maybe. That whole dipping in thing isn't for me, man.

Picking up chicks of every culture, just so you can say you had one of everything?

I don't wanna be some chick's black girl experience.

But that's not what Alice's doing with you, man.

You don't know that.
Well, yeah, there was the thing with the professor lady and for sure that's why she went for it with me.

But the way she looked at you the other night...

What do you mean she went for it with you?

When we first met.
You didn't tell me you was dealing with her.

Oh my God! It really didn't mean anything.
Yeah, but it means something to me!

What? You think I want your sluppy seconds?

It's not even like that, man.
You know me.

Yeah, I know you, but you're a player, right?

That sh*t is so old, Papi.
Grow up, man.

And take this sh*t.

You know what?
We just got different values.

Different codes of conduct.

It is what it is, man.

I could see how you used to be a girl.

Your hips are kinda big.

What do you do with your breast?
Do you have a penis?

Max!

Can I just say that I think what you did for Megan was totally righteous.

I've got a lot of respect for you too.

Thanks, man.

My brother is gay too.

I'm cool with it.

sh*t! Tails...

out . I'll try out .

There really has to be a better way of making this decision.

I don't know what to do.
Give me the coin.

No.

Give me the coin.

Thank you.

It's crashing again.
I'm going f*cking nuts, you guys.

Apparently what happened is some of the boys were teasing them so Shay punched Iving in the stomach.

You did that?

Yeah.
Why?

Mike Cutler said we were gay 'cause...

You're gay 'cause...?

'Cause our moms are lezzies.

He said his mom saw you and Mrs Sobel.

His mom saw us what?

Jared...

She said she saw you and Miss McCutcheon lazing out together.

That's when I punched him.
Good for you, Shay.

Miss Sobel, I don't think it's a good idea to encourage v*olence.

Mr Peterson, when parents give their children the message that it's okay to persecute others, I for one don't disagree with the way our kids handled it.

My mom is not gay.

That doesn't make it okay that they said those things.

Are you gay?

Yeah, I am.

Boys, do you think I could just ask you to stand outside in the hall, just, just for a minute?

You know, I think there's a way to solve this.

We'll just get the boys to apologize.

I mean, tomorrow, they're gonna be back playing together.

And it's all gonna be forgotten.
Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Shay.
No, no, no.

I think that the other boys should apologize to Shay and Jared.

And then to the whole school.
You have to let these kids know that you will not tolerate the use of the word "gay" as an insult.

I think the boys were just repeating what they hear at home.

Well then maybe it's why you should teach them here that it's not okay.

This is a public school.

And we have to adhere to certain policy standards.

Now we all know that this is a very touchy subject.

Now, our job is to educate children not to teach them about...
No, you know what your job is?

It's to help form them into decent human beings.

Listen, I'm aware of the fact that some of the parents are gonna get upset

'cause you're gonna be teaching them things that go against their personal believes.

Fine, whatever. But I'm sorry, you need to figure out a way to talk to them about this.

Well, I don't know how to do that.

Well, Shane and I will do it.

I want "Lez Girls".

I don't think I'm the right executive for the project, Aaron.

I don't like the story.

Oh come on...

Nina.

"Lez Girls" is fiction and I'm not Nina.
Bullshit.

Everyone knows you're Nina.

Everyone knows sh*t.

Oh, whatever you have to say to hold your head up,...

This is a hot f*cking property and I want it for Shallin.

It's a slam dow. The author is your friend, right? Jennifer Schecter?

We used to be neighbours.
I don't even see her that much anymore.

Well, you're gonna make friends with her again.

Play the ex-lesbian card.

You know the life, you will be truly to the story. Bla bla.

This is really akward for me, okay?
It's an akward situation.

Really?
More awkward than being out of a job?

You know, there's something I've been wanting to ask you.

Your ex really cheat on you with a plumber?

It was a carpenter.

And it was fiction.

I was thought a broken heart was a literary affectation.
Phyllis, I promise you, that no one has ever d*ed of a broken heart.

Easy for you to say.
Alice Walker once wrote, "You can't truly have an open heart until it's been broken".

I know it's hard to imagine right now, Phyllis, but you will find your way back to loving someone new.

Hello?

Remember me?

I don't want anybody new.

I want Alice!
Alice was your first.

Okay?
She was your coming-out affair.

I just wanna feel like to come out.
I wanna go back in.

Don't talk to me like a child.
I'm not a child.

And you need to turn in your first quarter report.

Everyone's a child in their coming-out affair, Phyllis.

It's like your second adolescence.

It's like the first time you understand what all those corny songs and poems are about.

For the first time, your senses have completely overwhelmed your intellect.

You're experiencing emotions that you've never truly felt before.

And you're figuring out that you're gay all at the same time.

Right.

Which makes that much more intense, because you don't know how yet to be gay.

Oh, so I have to learn how to be gay?

It is a process. I mean, we all have to go through it.

No, what I feel for Alice is...

... exactly how I felt for my first.
Not ever.

What I felt for my first.
We've all been through...

Phoebe Cadlek, okay?
Yale drama.

I was a junior.

Phoebe Cadlek, it's first year MFA, she's directing my... black bottom.

She's f*cking brilliant, she's gorgeous.

We talk intensely about art and theater and semiotics and race. And finally, after the last performance, we all go out and got incredibly drunk.

And Phoebe takes me back to her graduate student appartment.

I mean, we don't get outta bed for days.

I am ready to down a f*cking hammer and help build every set for every play she ever directs when

Julie Tar, the actress, is banging on the door.

She left Phoebe for a guy, and now she wants back.

And then suddenly, I am like the annoying kid's sister they cannot get rid of fast enough.

I thought I was gonna die.

It took me months before I could even begin to think about anything else.

Nobody ever broke my heart before.

I'm gonna go into your server and check your weblog history to see what's going on. Ok?

Thank you so much.
I really appreciate this.

Oh thank me!
I was the one that called him.

Thank you so much, Jenny.

So much.
I gotta get outta the office anyway.

They can't fire you, Max.
I mean, you know that, right?

Yeah. I think they'll make my life really miserable.

Jesus, Alice!
What?

It is f*cked?
I mean, you're totally slammed with hits!

You've got like . in the last hour.

You need to seriously upgrade.
Just sell it.

Wagon.com offered me . box for it.

Really? . dollars for OurChart?
Yeah.

You site worths like ten times.

What you mean like . dollars?

Do you know how much wagon.com are constantly make for a social networking site like this?

There's what you do.

You sell the ads yourself.

And then you're partner with the tech company for the software.

You go totally stay to the heart.

You're gonna have like streaming video, music, blogs, instant messaging.

Look, great, but I don't know how to do anything like that. So...

Sure you do. I mean, you've already done the hardest part.

You just haven't been making any money of it.

I could help you with that.
Really?

You know how to do that?
It's what I do.

I don't know. MySpace sold for like a million box. I mean...

No, it's sold for like a billion.

Really? How cool is that!
Oh my God, Alice!

Oh my God, Kit, Max is gonna help me become an Internet mogul.

I got a couple o' Bill Gateseseseseses.

Don't forget it started right here at the Planet, and do not forget my black ass when you all get rich.

Oh, I'll give you some money. Yeah.
Thank you.

And there comes the pretty lady that started all of your problems.

Yo, what's up, girlies?
Well, Alice is about to become a quasilionnaire. because of all the pretty young women you've had sexual alliances with, Papi.

Well, I got enough flak for that sh*t today.

All the hot guys I f*cked in high school could not compare.

First of all, she was a girl, but Lucy was also my first deaf lover.

And the sex was earth shadow.

So you think the sex is better, then, with a deaf lover?

No. No, no, no, not better.

Different.

We're attuned to each other in different ways.

So you mean you that can't go as deep, though.

Let me cast my mind back for just a moment to this morning.

I can't imagine going any deeper than that.
Can you?

Back to me?

I'm sorry.
So what happened with Lucy?

We felt completely in love, all through freshman year.

I would sculpt, she would paint.

We talked about spending the rest of our lives together.

I never imagined that it would end.

In my second year, I met Cathia.

Brilliant. A dancer.

I mean, we had an instant unbelievably intense attraction to each other.

As much as I didn't wanna hurt Lucy...

You dumped Lucy for Cathia?
Not right away.

But that's when I realized I would never be able to be monogamus.

What?

You dated both of them at the same time?

But for a while.

Lucy said she wanted to try.

She said that she's rather share me with someone else than not have me at all.

But, in the end, it made her too unhappy.

Hey, Tina. Hi!

I haven't seen you in a while.
I know, girl. The girls are out there.

You know, I don't think they'd mind if you'd go over here and join them.

Actually I'm here to meet Jenny.
She's expecting me.

Okay, look, Tina, come by anytime, okay?

Kit?

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything that happened with Angus.

Oh, girl, don't grieve. I mean, come on, some people do some really stupid things.
I mean, they just make bad calls.
Are you okay?

Oh yeah. I'm even giving him some space so he can deal with it.

Sometimes we need to back off so that we're not in each other's business so much, you know?

Wow, that's...

that's really very... of you.

I'm just, I'm glad that Bette confronted him and I want you to know that I would have fired Hazel if he hadn't ended it.

You would have fired Hazel?

Yeah, but... she is young, just moved to L.A.
She doesn't know anyone.

She didn't know any better.

But... wow, that's just amazing how cool you are.

Yeah, you know me, cool Kit.

See you.

Hey, you reached Angus Partridge.

Hi, it's Bette. Leave me a message.

Bette, it's me.

Please, I need to talk to you as soon as possible. Okay?

Hey, why you give that girl, Tina, such a hard time?

Oh, well, she went straight, and it feels like a betrayal.

We fight our whole lives not to get judged by who we sleep with, and that is exactly what you guys are doin' to Tina.

Sorry. I had a misunderstanding with my girl, Tasha.

You did? About what?

Oh, that whole double-dipping thing isn't exactly flying with her.

Double-dipping?
Yeah, you dipping into me, and then dipping into her.

Wait, first of all, I have not dipped into her, okay?

She's very " An Officer and A Gentleman".

She really wants to take things slow.
That's how Tasha is!

She's pretty traditional, you know.

She's in the f*cking Army, so, yeah.

You know, you should maybe just let forget her.

What?

I thought you were all about us getting together?

Tasha is my best friend and she is not some little portal or whatever that you keep looking for.

No. It's not like that. I really like her.
I really do.

Remember how the other day you told me that you couldn't even imagine going to an army bas everyday?

That is Tasha's whole life.

You need to forget her if you can't get with who she is.

I loved "Lez Girls"! It was hilarious!

I laughed at out loud.

This stuff about the plumber didn't bother you?

You and me, we're gonna make a great team.

Shallin is committed to the integrity of this project.

I don't really know if I want to make a movie out of my book.

What kind of movies do you love?

What adaptations really worked for you?

"The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

That's such a good film.

Oh wow! If Jean-Claude Carrière would adopt the screenplay

I think it would just be I think it would be a chic.

Oh, Jenny, wouldn't you prefer a lesbian writer?

Tina, have you read the book?

Yes.

Because it's not a book about lesbians.

It's a book of people's relationships.

Of course, and we don't wanna limite ourselves.

It's hard enough to find a female director in Hollywood, Oh no. let alone a lesbian director.
Oh no. I want it to be a woman director.

You know, I mean like it's about women, so you have to have a woman on set.

And, I mean, you're not a lesbian anymore, and in the film business, they don't like the author on set because they become too "precious" about their material, so...
Jenny, movies reach a huge audience.

It could make a huge difference.

A teenage girl in the Midwest who's afraid to come out of the closet...

She could see your movie.

It could change her life.

It could really affect people.

That would be really nice, wouldn't it?

God! Maybe it could be a really good movie.

Okay, let's do it. f*ck!

We should just do it.
You know?

Okay, that's great.
Great. You know what?

You know what you need?
You need an agent.

You need a big Hollywood agent. You do!
You need an agent to broke with the deal.

Becka Vortovitch at Waymores.

She's smart, she's literate...
You think she'll take me on as a client?

Hey, you know what?

I'll call her right now.
Yeah, call her now.

For good?

Okay.
I don't know.

Well, it's kinda an older picture, but it's me.

Can I speak to Captain Williams?

Captain Williams, Alice Pieszecki is here.
Oh, it's Pieszecki.

She said you're expecting her.

Well, she's not exactly expecting me.
It's more...

Yes, m'am.

Go through the gate, straight down this road.

Turn left at the flagboard.

Captain Williams' office is in the building marked " . m*llitary police".

Park near her motorcycle.
Yes, sir.


It's Sergeant.

Sergeant?

It's a cool belt.

Hi! This is so neat.

There was like a guy with the...
Hold your voice.

I... I would have called.
I'm so sorry about that.

I just... I thought you would tell me not to come and...

Close the door.

I'm not gonna ask anybody if you tell anybody anything.

I'm serious.

Okay, sorry.

What are you here for?

I wanted to tell you that...
Put down the grenade.

I wanted to tell you, uh, that...

I really like you.

So you drove all the way from L.A. to Los Alamitos, talked your way onto a m*llitary base to tell me you really like me.

Yeah, I...

I wanted you to know that you're not a portal to me.

Oh, my. Portal. What the f*ck, did Papi talk to you?

It doesn't matter. Because I talk about portals all the time on my radio show.

Everybody knows about it.

I just, you know, I didn't want it to come back and bite me in the ass with you. So...

I didn't want you to think that you were my foray into the land of hot Army chicks.

Yeah, hot black Army chicks.

Are you black?

Alright.

So you're here.

You're up for a mission?

Private Pieszecki reported for duty, m'am.

Come with me.

And you don't salute indoors.

So they make you wear that everyday?

Who makes you wear that everyday?

At ease.

Wow. It's really like GI Jane.

Do you ladies fly this?

Alice, these are our pilots.

Chief Burman, Chief Thomas, Chief Fuler, and our crew chief, Zitenscki.

You'll wear this.

What for?

You'll need those if you wanna get in that.

Up?

Really?

Yeah.
Okay.

No.

It's too woefully defined.

It's too public school girl.

No! Too many buttons.

Too "Sound of Music".

I've lost weight!

Yeah.

It says, "I'm here to do what you want, but I still have my self-respect".

Fantastic.

Are you gonna get Court Martial for this?

Don't worry about it.

We're all family up here.

Ahhhh kay. Tricky soldiers!

Yes, this is the "Ask and Tell" helicopter.

Don't try this anyplace else on the base.

Yeah, I see it now.

Alright, let's take it off.

Oh my God!

It's so beautiful.

Hello?

Hello?

I've waited to see you again, Helena.

I'm so glad you came.

I don't really think I had an alternative.

So I guess you'd like to get down to business.

You want to play cards with me?

I thought I've already lost.
I give you another chance.

We're going to play Ginrami.

Gin rami?
Strip Gin rami.

If you win, I'll consider your debt paid in full. But if you lose, you pay up.

I think that was one of my favorite dates ever.

Yeah, me too.

You know, actually I'm glad that Papi ran her big ass mouth this morning.

How close do you live to here?
Pretty near.

Yeah, do you think we should go to your place?

I think you should go home.

I should?

You know I want you, right?

Oh, sure it feels like, but...

Look, I know this might not make a lot of sense the way you've hold, but, I just come out from a place wherever I need to be sure.

Okay, well, how do you think we'll be sure?

I don't know. I'm not just there yet.

Do you think we should go on a date?

Date?

Yeah, that would be nice.

Alright, we'll go on a date.

I still think these are your own made-up rules, Catherine.

No, this is the Monte Carlo way.

When someone wins, the other takes something off and the winner gets to put something back on.

That way the game lasts longer.

I've been to Monte Carlo, Catherine.
I didn't see a single game of Ginrami.
Okay, so there are my rules.

Would you rather f*ck me now?

No.
Good.

I'm knocking.

sh*t!

That's uh for me and for you.

And an article of clothing.

It's your deal.

You're absolutely loving this, aren't you?

I do enjoy winning, yes.

You haven't won yet.
Not yet.

Gin.

Clothing becomes so...
You're stalling.

I was merely saving the moment.

and that makes

.

Thank you very much.

It's a pleasure to do business with you, Catherine.

Congratulations, you're a free woman.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Sit down.

So now we're gonna talk about tolerance.

Who here can tell me what tolerance means?

Sarah?

When you're nice to people who are different from you.

Good, Sarah. So, when somebody's different from you because of their race, or their culture, or their religion, or their sexual orientation, you treat that person with respect.
Excuse me.

How detailed are we planning on getting here? I mean, these children are only .

This woman is a pain in the ass.

Let's see what she says.

What is your concern, Ms Grife?

I just don't think it's appropriate that we discuss the details of Miss McCutcheon and Miss Sobel relationship here.

You're actually the only one talking details.

Look, we all respect your right to be who you are in private.

We just don't think our children need to learn about the gay life-style yet.

Screw you!
My mon is not gay!

Jared, that's enough.

Please, everybody, let's just calm down.

What would you like, Shay?

My sister

is gay.

Hey.

Hey!

I missed you last night.

I bet you didn't miss me.

I need to talk to you.

Do you need me?

I'll go walk around campus, I guess.

I've been thinking.

I know you have.

And I don't think this is gonna work for me.
I'm sorry, I can't understand you.

Yes, you can.

Look, 'til now I dated a whole bunch of other women.

It's just something that I know about myself.

That, if I get tight out, I go crazy.

So you are dating other women?

I was before I met you, yeah.

But there really is no one else I want to see right now.

But that could change tomorrow.

Isn't that what you're telling me?
You just got out of an eight-year relationship.

I don't think you're ready to get married again.

Don't tell me what I'm ready for.

Okay.

I won't.

What do you wanna do?

I don't know.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Come here.

I don't know.

Were you born gay?

I think I was, but it's different for every one.

Yeah, not everybody knows right away.

And some people just fall in love with the person.

And that person could be a man or a woman.
Yeah, but how do girls do it?

Uh, Elly's uncle Jeff is gay.
So is my uncle Phil.

That's my brother's boyfriend.
Now, they're both great guys and Elly really loves them, but they invited her to come and stay with them for the week end and I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with her sleeping in the same house with them.
Wait a minute, I just realized who you are.

You're that nearly naked gender bender ad, that huge billboard up on Sunset that I have to drive by, with my children everyday.
I don't really think Miss McCutcheon owes us an explaination.
No, it's fine.

And I really don't think...
Guess what... I can give an explaination.

First off, I'm gonna assume everyone wears underpants.

Secondly, I did that ad because Shay broke his arm.

See, I'm actually a hair-dresser and I co-own a skateboard shop.

So I don't make a lot of money.

And I didn't have medical insurance at the time.

Because before Shay came to live with me, I never took responsibility for anything.

You see, when... when I was little, my parents left me.

And the thought of having to care for someone, it was scary.

But I don't think I have to tell you that loving Shay and caring for him has been the most amazing and important thing I've ever done.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

And I don't think being gay has anything to do with that.

So uh... do you have any more questions?

You're right.
You're absolutely right.

To "Lez Girls"!
Yes!

And the bidding w*r of the year.
Salute.

Is it really the bidding w*r of the year?

Fineline, Focus, Searchlight and Warner all coming to the table.
I'm feeling "Seven" figure.

The higher industry is drooling over your book, baby. Just drooling.

Katie Holmes called. Her people called me.

She's interested in playing Jessie.

Oh no. I don't know. I always thought that Jessie would be kinda like, like a model, really blond, tall.

What about the Scarlet Johansson?
She'd be awesome in Jessie.

Jennie?
f*ck!

What was this thing?
It's good to see you.

It's good to see you on together.

You guys, you should...

Shaolin's should be added to the bidding w*r.
Bidding w*r?

This exciting thing has happened.

All these companies are fitting on my book but, you guys, Tina should get it!
Absolutely. It's great.

I've been thinking.

So have I.

I could fall in love with you too.

Jodi has gone offline.

I cannot believe Shay got asleep so early.

Well, they had a big day.

And I cannot believe that you invited the entire class for a field trip...
I did not invite the entire class.
That woman pushed me into it.

It's not, it's not my kind of idea.

Jared wants to stay here tonight.

I think he's too tired.

Oh, thanks.
That might be a good idea.

It's time for a couple of beers.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, uh, the day was, the day was intense.

Well, uh,

Well, you know what I think.
Since we already did the time, we might as well do the crime.

Yeah.

What?

Not the time.

Not the time.
Okay.

I'm sorry.
Okay.
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