04x02 - Witch Hunt

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow" That's my mom.

There's no loophole where I can save my family and not screw up history.

I'm so sorry, Z.

[g*n COCKS]

What the hell is going on here?

This is my dad, Hank.

Hello, John.

The knuckle bones of a martyred saint they act as a divining rod, able to detect the presence of beings not belonging to our world.

[WHOOSHING]

[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

Where'd the unicorn go?

I sent that bastard straight to hell, didn't I?

You need to be a part of a team.

No, I would rather bloody top myself than move in with you lot.

People around me get k*lled or far worse.

Oh, bollocks.

How's our magical upgrade going, Ray?

Almost done, I think.

Though the they never covered how to interface time seismographs and enchanted bones in the Ivy U PhD program.

Well, that should do it.

My peers would say that science and magic don't mix, but to them, I'd ask, "Have you seen 'The Fifth Element'?" [CHUCKLES]

Right?

Ivy U sounds like a real party school.

Oh, I hope this works.

We need a way to pinpoint magical threats on the timeline.

I mean, who knows what kind of creatures are out there wreaking havoc on history?

Like, uh, vampires.

Gremlins.

Aswangs.

Cannibalistic Filipino were-beasts with proboscis-like tongues.

I've been doing some research just in case.

I thought that's why we had Constantine.

Yeah, about that.

Constantine is Tired, hungover, and in need of a stiff one.

[TRUNK THUDS]

Dealer's choice as to what that's a euphemism for.

He's here.

Yeah, you know, I meant what I said about joining you lot, but then I pictured that same lot squaring off against some of the manky buggers that I've come up against, and I thought, "Yeah, you know what?

You're right.

You're all bloody doomed without me.

" One aswang will take you down without breaking a sweat.

Ha ha!

New legend alert.

I better go update the chore wheel.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, sunshine.

I'm not a bloody legend.

I'm merely offering my services as a consultant, and as such, I have some stipulations.

I don't do silly costumes, I expect full benefits, and I require no less than two weeks paid vacation.

- Vacation?

- Paid?

Easy!

[DEVICE BEEPING]

Hey, it worked.

Will you look at that?

We already got a Do we have a special name for these magical fugitives?

Well, I was thinking, since they're mysteries involving mythical beings, we could go with myth-teries.

Fugitives it is.

What's it say?

Salem, Massachusetts, 1692.

First day on the job, and you're taking me to the bloody witch trials.

Well, I hope you're feeling morally superior because we are getting our Puritan purit-on.

That was too much, right?

I'm telling you, your machine is clearly buggered.

There's nothing magical about Puritan New England.

I know.

I was there, but it could all be different now.

Oh, come on.

If a creature landed there, why would it idle in the absolute worst possible place for magic?

The people of Salem are paranoid and petty, and, besides, every magical creature knows that if you want to get weird, you go to New York.

Then we need to find it before it flees.

All right, well, I agreed to help you save history, not take part in your little role-playing adventures.

Call me if you find anything.

If he's staying, I'm staying.

Besides, no fun in Puritan times.

The Church banned burning people at the stake.

Well, they didn't actually burn people.

That was the Middle Ages.

The Puritans used the gallows, but, yeah, sure, stay.

You know, I actually miss having someone Nate-splain history to us.

Me too.

Speaking of which, I wonder how Operation Dinner with Dad is going.

- [LIGHT MUSIC]

- Thanks.

[SIGHS]

Good steak.

So, um, what are you doing for work these days?

Little bit of this.

Little bit of that.

You?

Same old, same old.

Sir, your credit card was declined.

I, uh I must have given you the [CLEARS THROAT]

wrong one.

There you go.

And this one expired in 1953.

Then I don't know why I still carry it.

Uh [COINS JINGLING]

Do you accept Athenian tetradrachm?

Notgeld?

Nathaniel, I've got this.

Guess the deductive historical reconstruction business little slow this time of year.

Yeah, and I see it's still paying off to be a Beltway Bandit.

Really, Nathaniel, that's how you want to end this?

- After we connect over a nice dinner.

- Have we?

All you've talked about is the steak.

What the hell else am I supposed to talk about if you'd rather just sit there and silently judge me?

Oh, like you're not doing the same thing.

Of course I was, Nathaniel.

I put you through grad school to what?

To to collect rare currency?

Maybe I should follow your example, right?

Make a fortune wasting taxpayers' cash on some secret government projects that you can't even explain?

It puts food on your plate.

How's that for an explanation?

I don't need your money.

Matter of fact I don't need any of this.

Of course.

Running away again, huh?

I'll see you in another two years.

[STAMMERS]

I forgot my leftovers.

Nathaniel.

ALL: Ah, poor bird Take thy flight High above the sorrows of this sad night Good morrow.

Good morrow.

Not the friendliest bunch.

Look, tone it down, Ray.

This isn't a fun time period.

These hats say otherwise.

Just try not to stand out.

Salem wasn't exactly welcoming of outsiders.

Oh, just like every other time in history.

They're just worse at hiding it.

ALL: [CHANTING]

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Wife of Satan, confess your sins.

Tell now what saw thee for grounds of accusation?

I saw her, Reverend Parsons, dancing in the woods bare as the day she was born.

Jane Hawthorne, what say you to this accusation?

I have done no harm.

I swear it.

But this man says he bore witness to your witchcraft.

She has lain with the Devil.

I would never, not with the Devil nor with any man since my husband's passing, much to your frustration, good sir.

Goody Hawthorne, you are hereby under arrest and accused of witchcraft.

Your trial will commence on the morrow, and if thou be convicted, we will purge your kind from our community.

You cannot do this!

My daughter needs me!

Prudence!

- [MUFFLED SHOUTING]

- Mother.

Have mercy, please.

ALL: [CHANTING]

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

Well, there are definitely monsters in Salem, just not the magical kind.

ALL: [CHANTING]

Witch!

Witch!

Witch!

[CROWS CAWING]

Crows, that's ominous.

Despite the gothic association, the American crow is actually a very - [CROW CAWING]

- [SCREAMS]

Never mind.

[CROWS CAWING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

The witch she commands them!

Remove her from here at once!

Go!

Go!

[CROWS CAWING]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Couldn't have been her, could it?

Whatever it is, looks like we were right.

There is magic in Salem.

All right, let's give this thing a whirl, shall we?

Gideon, do us a favor and mix us up some ingredients so I can restock the old apothecary, will you?

Out of my way.

I need some mustard.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be just a minute, mate.

Now, be a doll, Gideon, and mix together a pinch of possum's tail with three ounces of frogs' testes.

Open the door!

I need to take a leak!

Ah!

What's that smell?

Spellbook, bound in human skin.

It gets a bit rank if you don't soak it in water.

[WHISTLE BLOWS, SHOUTING ON TV]

Get out of my chair, you weasel.

I'm watching the football.

The game's on already, mate.

You want a Marmite crumpet?

What'd you call me?

You know, you need to simmer down a little bit, sweetheart.

You see, I don't like to share my space any more than you, but, uh, here we are.

And why are you here?

Hey, sorry to break up the bonding session, but we found our fugitive, and we think it's a real witch.

Well, a real witch must be off her trolley to hang around here.

Well, we just saw a woman command a m*rder of crows, and now I know why they call it that.

Well, Jane was bound, gagged, and taken away.

Those birds were just protecting her from that mob.

I say more power to them.

And I agree with you, in theory, but we still have to remove that power.

Gideon, what do you have on Jane Hawthorne?

On October 29, 1692, Jane Hawthorne's execution was at the center of what came to be known as The Burning of Salem.

"On the day she hung, "all of the people of Salem spontaneously combusted.

The whole town was set ablaze.

" Sounds like my kind of woman.

Well, the incident was enough to convince the public that witches were real.

Whatever it is, Jane's at the center of it.

Well, now, hang on a minute.

You said that she was gagged.

- Yeah.

- Did any of you actually hear her cast a spell?

[INHALES SHARPLY]

You see, spells are a verbal game, mateys.

Was there anyone else there, someone who would want to protect Jane?

- Prudence.

- Her daughter.

Ah, a malevolent demon has attached itself to the child, and the mother is being blamed.

I've seen it a million times over.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Let's get to it, shall we?

Well, look who started to care.

Uh, but I am not wearing a costume.

I'll see you later, big man.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Gary?

Is that you?

Did you sleepwalk to work again?

- Whoa, whoa!

- Oh, my God!

What is wrong with you?

Nate?

What the hell are you doing here?

And why aren't you wearing pants?

I can explain.

And thank you for not mentioning the shower cap.

Pretend I did.

Coconut oil makes my hair more buoyant.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

I should try that.

And, uh, the pants situation?

Well, I decided to extend my trip to 2018, and I may possibly be living a little bit at the Bureau.

You couldn't spring for a hotel?

Well, here's a fun fact about staying in the present it costs money, and as a legend, your salary is the friendships you make along the way.

- Got ya.

- Yeah.

And you?

I know you love paperwork, but Oh, yes, I'm presenting my budget to the Department of Defense tomorrow.

Rip was always good at schmoozing the bigwigs.

It was never really my thing.

And now, with this whole magic initiative, we're gonna need even more money.

I can help.

I'm great at schmoozing.

Hmm?

Oh, uh, no no, thank you.

What?

Why not?

I need a place to stay.

You need a wingman.

It'll be fun, and we can hang out.

We'll get into adventures.

Okay, okay, you know what?

Let's do it.

Just put some pants on.

Hey you just got schmoozed.

There she is.

She doesn't have anyone.

Soul, soul, soul cake Please, good missus, a soul cake Soul, soul - [DEVICE BEEPS]

- All right, let's move.

Please, good missus, a soul cake An apple, a plum, a peach, or a cherry [CROW CAWS]

[EERIE MUSIC]

Any good thing to make us all merry One for Peter, one for Paul Three for Him who made us all Why dost thou follow me?

Hi, Prudence.

We're just here to help.

You're strangers.

I have no need of your aid.

Now be gone with haste.

John.

[RECITING INCANTATIONS]

What magic is this?

Look, it's gonna be okay.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

Agent of the damned, show yourself, you fetid creature.

Show yourself, you cursed beast.

Reveal your hideous form!

Hello.

What in the Disney hell is this?

[MUSICAL FLOURISH]

You got to be kidding me.

That's your monster?

Monster?

Why, I am nothing of the sort.

I am a fairy godmother, and I mean only to make dreams come true, because a dream is a wish your heart Don't say another word.

Constantine, please tell me you have something for this.

Um, this is, uh, new.

Prudence, this is your fairy godmother?

It is.

She protects me.

By hurting other people.

Not at all.

I only want to help little Prudence, for, you see There are times the world is scary - times the world is bad - [ENCHANTING MUSIC]

But when your godmother's a fairy There's no reason to be sad Is that music?

So fear not if things don't look to be The way that you preferred Just make a wish and look to me I'll sing these magic words - Shut up!

- [MUSIC STOPS]

I didn't want her to stop singing.

Oh, to hell with this.

[RECITING INCANTATION]

Oh, my, you don't want to do that.

And why wouldn't we?

Because Prudence and I share a bond.

If you send me to hell, she goes right down with me.

These people want to send us to hell.

You don't want to go to hell, do you, deary?

No.

Would you like me to make them go away?

As you wish.

[MAGICAL MUSIC]

We'll start with some tree roots Up from the ground Prudence, you don't need her.

And then summon some birds What a beautiful sound [CROWS CAWING]

Okay, you can stop singing now.

And just as they gather over your head [CAWING CONTINUES]

Prudence, you don't have to do this.

I'll tell them, "att*ck!" And you'll all end up We're here to save your mother.

Dead Godmother, wait.

Release them.

As you wish.

But I'm at your call when you need me.

You got to admit, though, that that was a catchy tune.

Where am I?

Someplace safe, just until we can get you home.

I've seen many wonders these past days.

And I believe you, like Godmother, were sent by the Lord the answer to our prayers.

Here it's a doughnut.

[DEVICE SQUEALS]

I la-la-love you.

Many wonders indeed.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

All right, guys.

Remember the three Cs of pitching confidence, charisma Oh, crap.

That's my dad.

Wait a second.

That's your dad?

Yeah.

This must be one of his secret government projects he could never tell me about.

I can't go in there, Ava.

I will make this worse.

Come on, Nate, you're family.

- How bad could it be?

- Oh, last time I saw him, I insulted his life's work and literally said, "I don't need your money. " Oh, okay, that's bad.

Mm-hmm.

Look, I cannot do this alone.

- You don't have to.

- Thank you.

Gary, you know my part of the pitch, right?

Okay, okay, maybe I can do this alone.

No, look at this guy.

He's got confidence.

He's got charisma.

- He's got - Crap.

I got my arm stuck in the poster tube.

- [GRUNTS]

- Listen, Ava, I know my dad, okay?

You're not gonna want to go in there without backup.

Fine, Gary, you're in.

All right, Director Sharpe.

Let's give 'em the old ham and eggs.

[SIGHS]

Damn it.

The godmother was telling the truth.

We can't send her to hell without sending Prudence down with her.

Bloody fairy godmothers they're like parasites who feed off their hosts.

Their magic it only works at the whim of their charge.

The girl will have to reject the godmother.

Who's going to give up that kind of power, especially in her situation?

We just have to give her what she wants.

If we save her mom, she won't need the godmother.

Z, we can't.

I checked the historical record.

Jane Hawthorne was ex*cuted as a witch.

That was canon before the fairy godmother affected the timeline.

We can't change that.

So we're just gonna let them do it?

Sara, this is exactly what it's like where I'm from the tribalism, scapegoating, persecuting someone just because they're different, while other people just stand by and do nothing.

I don't want it to go down like this either, Z.

I'm sorry, but we don't have a choice.

Look, I promised her that I would help her.

Well, you made a promise that we can't keep.

The priority here is separating Prudence from her godmother.

That's how we're gonna save more lives.

So, in the meantime, we just let her think we're saving her mom?

[SIGHS]

Great.

[MEN SCREAM]

[LOUD THUDS]

[DOOR OPENS]

I'm here to save you, Jane.

- Who art thee?

- We need to go now.

No.

Look, I get that you're scared, but I can protect you.

You need to trust me.

Come, please.

I believe you mean well but I cannot go.

These people are insane.

They're gonna k*ll you no matter what.

They are afraid, and fear brings out the worst in all of us.

Therefore, I must forgive them for they know not what they do.

Well, at least one of you Puritans gets the point of that book.

If I disappear now, others will pay for my cowardice, and I will not allow innocents to suffer.

What about your daughter's suffering, her powers?

Think about how your actions are going to affect her.

She is the only one of whom I think.

I made her swear to me that she would never use her power henceforth.

As long as she heeds my command, my Prudence will live.

But what kind of life is it gonna be where you d*ed and she couldn't protect you?

That guilt is gonna follow her her whole life.

She'll end up mad at herself and mad at the world.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Please, we have to go.

My daughter is strong.

In time, with God's love, she will let go of these burdens.

Jane, don't do this, please.

It came from the jail.

It must be the witch.

Thou must go with haste.

You shall not flee your punishment, witch.

Your trial awaits.

[INTENSE MUSIC]

It's useless, piece of [WOMAN LAUGHING]

I know you're there, you old bat.

Why don't you show yourself, eh?

We'll have ourselves a little chat.

A simple please and thank-you would do, my pet.

Although it has been quite amusing watching you prattle on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, Granny.

You've had your fun, and now it's time to let go of dear Prudence and be on your merry way.

All I want is to make the world a happier place.

You got her mother thrown in the bloody clink.

And what about that bloke who had his eyes pecked out of his skull, eh?

That man was a liar.

They are all liars, and simple-minded pests like that must be taught a lesson.

Oh, "pests.

" Intriguing choice of words.

Before Prudence, all the girls I helped were just take, take, take.

"I want a new dress, Godmother.

" "I want to go to the ball, Godmother.

" So I gave, and I gave, no matter how absurd the request.

I mean, who would ever choose to wear glass slippers?

Imagine the blisters!

And what did I get in return?

A thousand years locked away in a dank and miserable dimension.

So it was humans who put you away, eh?

Well, it serves you right, you bitter old nag.

You don't want Prudence happy.

You want her raging.

That's how you settle the score, by using a child's anger to rain down hellfire on those poor bastards out there.

Hellfire, you say?

Not a bad idea.

Ta-ta, my pet.

My Prudence will be needing me soon.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[GROANS]

And what situations require our continued funding, Director Sharpe?

Sir, do you remember when dinosaurs took over downtown Los Angeles?

Or when a telepathic gorilla tried to k*ll Barack Obama?

You know that I don't.

And that's because we did our job.

The timeline was in complete shambles, but I'm proud to say that we finally put things back into its proper place.

So your job is done.

What are all these people still doing here?

See, the timeline is very fragile.

There's always a thr*at of one kind or another.

Now there's magic.

- Magic?

- Yes.

You see, last year, there was a time demon named "Mollus.

" Mallus, but it it We're not gonna And in order to k*ll him, the legends broke his prison, which, surprise, surprise, released an unknown number of other dangerous magical beings, all of whom got spat out across the timeline and now must be hunted down and sent to hell.

- Did I miss anything?

- No, actually.

You know, I've had to oversee some really far-out projects in my career, but I can't in good conscience have the D. O. D.

pay for a department that fights fairy tales.

Sir, uh, with all due respect, you cannot shut us down, please.

The damage that these supernatural fugitives can cause is unfathomable.

Director Sharpe, you seem like a very capable leader.

Now, you say there's magic out there.

And I say that I need proof.

- Well - Here's proof.

A unicorn ate my nipple.

[GASPS]

Right.

- Um - I'm shutting this place down.

Gary, put it away!

Have you guys seen Z?

With the witch?

Prudence isn't a witch.

Not that witches are bad.

Prudence is alone.

I just checked.

Gideon.

Miss Tomaz gave me explicit instructions not to tell you that she was leaving the ship.

- That can't be good.

- [SIGHS]

Stay with the kid.

Don't piss her off.

Where the hell are you, Z?

And, lo, she called upon her master to set her free.

And were it not for these brave men, she might have succeeded.

And now before your very eyes The mark of the Devil upon her flesh.

- [ALL GASPING]

- It's a birthmark, jerk.

Watch now as I attempt to draw blood from Satan's brand.

It will not bleed.

[SCREAMING]

Oh!

[ALL SCREAM]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Back.

The word of God shall be my shield.

[ALL GASP]

- The Lord has mercy!

- It's a sign.

ALL: Oh!

The witch stop her before she destroys us all.

Stop it.

She didn't do anything.

Why can't you idiots see what he's doing?

He's convincing you to k*ll your neighbors for imaginary crimes.

If you're looking for the real source of evil in this town, it's him.

Witch.

Witch, another witch.

Remove that cursed bauble from her.

[GASPS]

[COUGHS]

What the hell am I doing?

Take her now.

I'm sorry.

No.

The Devil's hold over these witches is stronger than we have ever faced.

Hanging them will not suffice.

They must burn.

[ALL CHEERING]

Burn, burn, burn You feel that, don't you, deary?

Something is amiss.

I worry for my mother.

I thought she'd be rescued by now.

It does seem odd.

You were promised by those strange visitors that she would be saved, were you not?

Curious, then, that they have not delivered.

Shall we see what the delay is?

Can you do that?

I can do anything, sweetkins.

All you must do is ask.

According to the historical record, Jane Hawthorne was ex*cuted as a witch.

That was canon before the fairy godmother affected the timeline.

We can't change that.

Looks like your new friends lied to you.

They have no intention of saving your poor, helpless mummy.

Now, what would you have me do about that, my pet?

[SIZZLING]

Ho!

Prudence, hold on.

Out of my way, you swine.

[PIGS SQUEALING]

Ta-ta.

Bloody hell.

[RECITING INCANTATIONS]

Shut up.

Stay back.

Come, deary.

Let's show these nasty villagers what real magic looks like.

[PIGS SQUEALING]

Hey, how'd it go out there?

Well, you better start packing your things, because he just gave the entire Bureau an eviction notice.

Did you tell him about the magical creatures?

Oh, yeah.

He's not buying it.

He needs proof.

Oh, that is such a Hank thing.

Well, maybe he'll believe you.

Why don't you just tell him the truth?

Nate, it can't go worse than what just happened back there.

Look, I spent my whole life trying to convince Hank that I made something of myself, and most of the time, I was faking it, okay?

So he's supposed to suddenly believe I'm a superhero who fought a unicorn come on.

Look, I know it's hard doing good when it seems like no one notices, but I have seen the good that you can do, okay?

And that's why I believe that you can help us here, not because you're Hank's son, but because you look at me you are a hero, okay?

Now, Gary's seeing him out.

We still have time.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- You schmoozed me.

- Did it work?

You sure I can't interest you in a coffee, tea, fizzy water?

Just the validation.

I think you're doing a great job.

Validation.

Okay.

Hello.

Is anybody here?

Gideon, I don't have time for this.

I need proof that magic exists, and I need it n [PIG SQUEALS]

Hello, piggy.

What are you doing here?

I'm afraid that's no ordinary pig, Mr. Heywood.

- Shut the front door.

- [PIG SQUEALS]

- Ray, that's you?

- [GRUNTING]

- Slow down.

- [GRUNTING]

- You got turned into a pig.

- [SQUEALS]

But you think you'll be better soon because the team's working on it as we speak.

Mick got turned, too?

Well, where is he?

Listen, I know you're in a situation right now, but I could really use your help at the Bureau.

Yes, of course I'll carry you.

Come on.

[ALL SHOUTING]

In the name of our Heavenly Father, let these witches burn.

[ALL CHEER]

Cleanse this town and its people of this evil and send these wretched souls to their master in hell.

You don't have to listen to him.

You know this is wrong.

This woman is your neighbor, your friend.

She doesn't deserve this.

No one does.

This witch is more dangerous than any we have faced.

She wore this cursed stone.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Let the women go.

Light the pyre.

Let God's work be done.

Do it, and he's dead.

My soul will live with God for all of time.

Screw it.

No!

[ALL CHEERING]

Stop!

Free them from the pyre.

Mother.

What's wrong with her?

What did they do?

She's gonna be okay.

Now, my pet, what shall we do about that horrid man who hurt your mummy?

I want him to burn.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Hank.

Are you sure this is going to work?

- No.

- Nathaniel?

What are you doing here?

I work here.

That's right, Dad.

I'm a time traveler.

How how do you even know about the Time Bureau?

What are you doing with a pig?

You want proof magic exists?

Well, here it is.

Just give me a minute.

Now, Ray.

Ray, do it.

[PIG GRUNTS]

What?

No, just come to life.

Prudence, listen to me.

This isn't who you are.

You're a good person.

He tried to k*ll my mother.

This town, these people they've k*lled so many others already.

They deserve to burn.

And they will pay for their ignorance, but not like that.

How else will they learn, deary?

If these people aren't taught a lesson today, they will go and hurt others for days and years to come.

You come from the future.

Can you honestly tell this child that the hearts of men change in all that time?

Do they?

No, they don't.

People always fear what they don't understand, and that fear turns them into monsters.

But we can't let it turn us into monsters, too.

We have to be better than them.

Be better?

What nonsense.

Be stronger, my pet.

Show them the power that you possess.

Make them grovel at your feet where they belong.

Think of your mother.

Yes, think of your mother.

What would she want you to do get blood on your hands or forgive them for they know not what they do?

Godmother Fire and brimstone coming right I release you.

Ah, that's more like it.

[PIG GRUNTS]

Son, I don't know who put you up to this, but Oh, yeah, I'm also a superhero.

And this is my friend Ray.

Oh, hi, Mr.

Heywood.

Nice to finally meet you.

[CLEARS THROAT]

How much money do you need to ensure that this never happens again?

[CLEARS THROAT]

$4.

2 billion a year, sir.

Done.

Help!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

You vile, meddling bitch!

[RECITING INCANTATIONS]

And that is for taking my mouth, you silly old bat.

I was so terrified of losing you, Mother.

And I you, my sweet girl.

So what now?

Am I free?

Yeah, you're free, but you're gonna need a change of scenery.

Thank you.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Where on Earth are you taking me?

Oh, not on Earth, love.

Where I'm sending you is a touch hotter, or so I hear.

You intend to send me to hell.

I could be persuaded otherwise.

I'm listening.

You need a host to conduct your magic, and let's just say I'm in need of a miracle.

You want to be my new host?

Tit for tat, deary.

[CHUCKLES]

John Constantine Yes, my pet, I know exactly who you are.

I know you're on the run, and I know who's coming for you, and, believe me, I'd rather face hell than piss him off.

Well, I am happy to oblige.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[RECITING INCANTATIONS]

This is your last chance, Granny.

There's no helping you, deary.

You're more damned than I.

Bippity, boppity Oh!

Miss Tomaz has entered the bridge.

I see that, Gideon.

Exit narc mode.

Narc mode.

You're not the only one on the ship who knows how to get Gideon to do things.

I wanted to talk to you.

You don't have to say anything.

I already hate myself.

No, it's not like that.

I-I understand why you did what you did.

I've felt that rage before a lot.

Well, I haven't.

Turns out sarcasm is a really great way to hide some seriously deep-seated anger.

I get it, and that's all I wanted to say, is that if you want to talk to me, I'm here.

Look [SIGHS]

In 2018 I found my mom.

I didn't talk to her, but she was right there, and I couldn't think of a way to save her.

Yeah, it's hard.

I've lost a lot of people, too, and I still think about saving them.

And I don't think that anger ever goes away.

It's okay.

You just can't hold it in all the time.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it.

Well, let's figure it out together.

And then we formed Voltron-Beebo and opened a serious can of whup-ass on Mallus, thus saving the universe for the second time.

So this is what you've been doing with your life for the past two years.

Wow, Nathaniel, you did it.

You finally found a useful application for that history degree.

Still not letting it go.

Take the win, son.

You've done good here.

I look forward to working with you.

- Dinner Friday?

- Yeah.

Here you go.

Parking is right this way.

Do you hear that?

That's $4.

2 billion, hell to the yes.

Meet me uptown, Ava Sharpe.

Mm.

Okay, that was terrifying - Yeah.

- But clearly effective.

Thank you.

Anytime.

Always happy to help.

How about tomorrow?

Now that I have $4.

2 billion burning a hole in my pocket, you said you could use some income.

I could use a guy like you around here.

You know, think about it.

Clothes, check.

Non-cloven digits, check.

Portal home [DEVICE BEEPS]

Check.

After you, my friend.

Um, you go ahead.

I'm gonna stick around a little while longer, give dinner with Dad another go.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, great.

So, uh, we'll we'll see you for the next one.

- Absolutely.

- Okay.

[TENDER MUSIC]