06x17 - Walk like a Man

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

( Light Snoring ) ( Singing ) ( Fast Tempo Music Playing ) What Are You Doing Up So Early? I Couldn't Sleep.

- You Want Breakfast? - Yeah, All Right.

- Anthony.

- What? I Am Making French Toast.

I'm Not Hungry.

Jesus, How Many Times You Gonna Ask Me? You've Heard The Term Comfort Food.

Maybe It'll Make You Feel Better.

I Know This Is Hard For You To Believe, But Food May Not Be The Answer To Every Problem.

- Neither Is Acting Like A Whiny Little Bitch.

- Tony.

I'll Eat At Work, Okay? My Shitty-Ass Pizza Job.

If It's So Horrible, Take A Day Off.

My Fiancee Left Me.

That Job Is All I Have In My Life.

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Aj.

- What? - It Is.

( Tv Turns Off ) I Feel Bad For Him, But What The f*ck? Why's He Gotta Take It Out On Us? I'm Looking For A Miter Saw.

I Got The Makita, Carbide Blade, Laser Guide.

- Lists For $600-- $200.

- Sold.

- Mike, You Got Th? The Makita.

- Yeah.

Cheese It.

It's The Off-Duty Cops.

- You Know My Son-In-Law Chris, The Movie Producer? - How You Doing? - Let Me Know About That Ticket.

- It's Squashed, Forget It.

Thanks.

How You Doing? How's My Little Girl? - Good.

You Coming Sunday, Right? - Yeah.

2:00, She Said.

For You.

Tell Your Friend Paulie To Keep These Power Tools Coming.

Madonn', Those f*cking Belt Sanders Flying Off The Shelves, Huh? You Ain't Seen This Many Cops Lined Up Since The Centennial Of Dunkin' Donuts.

They're All Handymen.

They Got Side Jobs So They Can Afford Those 18-Foot Bass Boats.

Cataldo, That State Trooper, He's Putting A Drop Ceiling In My Basement.

Thks, Sweetie.

I Took My Cut.

I'm Seeing Al Again Next Week.

- To Business.

- You're Gonna Jinx Me? Toast With Water? It's Club Soda.

What's Your Problem? You Got The Problem, My Friend.

You're A Real f*cking Drip Lately.

When I Was Using, I Was A Disgrace.

Now I'm Sober, And I'm A Drip.

The f*ck You Want From Me? How's About Being Normal? That So f*cking Hard? Actually, Yeah, Paulie, For Some Of Us It Is.

Don't Get Cunty.

I'm Breaking Your Balls.

What Do You Say We Take A Ride? Little Prime Rib? On Me.

- Maybe Next Time.

- What Are You, Watching Your Cholesterol Now, Too? Yeah, You're f*cking Hilarious.

Hey, Tony.

What's The Good Word? - Can't Complain.

- Sure You Could.

Phil Leotardo.

My First Assignment Out Of The Academy Was In Brooklyn.

Never Cared For Him.

He Tried To Set Up This Other Rookie, Female, For r*pe And b*ating.

Listen, That Subject We Talked About-- If I Was To Know Something Possibly Terror-Related And Help You Out, Could I Bank The Resulting Goodwill? Well What Happens Is I Would Personally Write You What's Called A 5k Letter.

It's A Document Setting Forth Your Cooperation And Service.

Is Letter Would Be Placed In Your File And If You Were Ever Convicted Of A Crime It'd Be Presented To A Judge When He Or She Would Be Considering Sentencing Guidelines.

Well, There Were A Couple Of Guys, I Don't Know, Arabs, Arabians Maybe.

They Used To Hang Around The Bing, And Somebody I Knew May Have Did Some Business With Them.

At The Port? - You Were Saying.

- The Point Is They Used To Be Around All The Time, These Two, You Know, Drinking And Trying To Tit-f*ck The Girls, Whatever.

And Then Suddenly, They Disappeared, D I Mean Completely.

And Then A Week Or So Ago I'm Driving, And I See 'Em With These Other Guys, They Had The Headgear And The Beard And The Whole Fundamental Bit.

But There's Nothing Illegal There, Right? What Were They Doing? Walking.

But Then They Meet Up With This Other Group.

I Don't Know.

It Seemed You Got A Me? One Was Ahmad Or Jamali Hold On, Hold On.

( Cell Phone Rings ) Hey, T.

Yeah, I'm Here With Some People, And, Uh-- The Arabs From The Bing.

What Were Their Names? - Some People? - Exactly.

Oh, f*ck, Yeah, Ahmed And Mohammed.

- What Did They Do? - Ahmed And Mohammed.

You Know, Actually, I Got A Cell Number.

I Called Him Recently, But He Don't Answer No More.

Ahmed Al Najafi.

Ahmed Al Najafi.

Ll Me They're Not Gonna Blow Up The Chemical Plant Or Some sh*t.

I Don't Know.

I'll Call You Later.

- Cell Phone.

- Agent Goddard: That's A Real Prize.

Thank You.

So Finally I Said, "Okay, You Know, As Long As You Don't Mind Yesterday's Pizza.

"No, No," He Said, "It's Cool.

"So Great," I Told Him.

"Come Back Tomorrow.

" ( Laughs ) You Arso Bad.

- Hey.

- Hey, How You Doing? - Who's That? - I Don't Know.

Some Guy.

What Are You, Going Out With Him? He Smiled, Anthony.

He Works Here.

- You Gotta Stop.

- Or What? Or I Won't See You Again.

Oh, Like Meeting Me For Coffee Is Such A Big Deal.

Honestly, I Don't Even Think It's A Good Idea Anyway.

How Come? 'Cause Last Time You Started Crying And Had To Leave The Starbucks.

I Can't Sleep At Night Without You.

It'll Get Better, Okay? ( Crying ) I Love You So Much.

I Gotta Go Back To Work.

Stop.

You're Embarrassing Me.

You Knock Off Early, We Go Ba To Your Place, Christen Those New Sheets You Were Telling Me About.

A Man With A Plan, Huh? - The Man With The Erection.

- ( Cell Phone Ringing ) Let Me Take This.

- Hey.

- It's Me.

I Need You To Come Home.

It's Aj.

- What Happened? - I Am Worried, Tony.

I Have Never Seen Him Like This.

I'm Supposed To Meet The Realtor To See A New Property, - But I Am Afraid To Leave Him Alone.

- Afraid, Why? Will You Just Come Home, Please? ( Sighs ) - ( Knock On Door ) - Go Away.

It's Me.

What's The Matter? - What Happened? - You Know What Happened.

Blanca Still.

All Right, That's It.

Enough's Enough.

Look, I'm f*cking Depressed, Okay? You Broke Up.

How Long You Want To Cry About It? She Was My Life.

You're 20 Years Old.

You Barely Have A Life, And You're Better Off Anyway.

She Was Cute, Okay, But Come On.

With Another Guy's Kid To Boot.

She Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me.

What You're Going Through, What You're Feeling Right Now-- It Happens Sometimes.

Everybody Gets The Blues.

There's A Half-A-Billion-Dollar Industry Devoted To It.

What, Prozac? No, The Music Business.

They Write Thousands Of Songs About This sh*t.

"Tears On My Pillow," "Mona Lisa," Right? Listen, Thesfucking Women, They'll Drive You Nuts With Your Emotions And Whatnot.

And I Know It Feels Like You're Never Gonna Love Anybody Again.

But Trust Me, There's Millions Of Girls Out There That Are Dying To Meet A Guy Like You.

- I See 'Em Every Day.

- Oh, Right, I'm So Special.

You're Damn Right You Are.

You're Handsome And Smart And A Hard Worker, And Let's Be Honest-- White.

That's A Huge Plus Nowadays.

Go Out And Get A Blowjob.

I Don't Want A Blowjob.

Keep Your Voice Down.

Why? - Who's Listening Out There? - Nobody.

Oh, f*ck Me! You Saw Her Again, Didn't You? I Knew It.

I Don't Wanna Talk About It.

I Love You, Anthony.

It's k*lling Me To See You Like This.

What's The f*cking Point? - Point Of What? - Just Leave Me Alone.

Honestly, I Was Glad When They Broke Up.

The Culture Divide-- But Now Everything Turns To sh*t.

( Doorbell Rings ) All: Hi.

- Thank You So Much For Inviting Us.

- Sure.

I'm So Nervous Cooking For All These People.

- Dad, Do You Remember Tony's Sister Barbara? - Of Course.

- Hi, Nice To See You.

- Her Husband Tom, Stefan, Alyssa.

- Hi, This Is For You.

- Oh, Thank You.

And The Baby.

Oh, Come In.

Come In.

- Oh, Look At That Baby.

- Smile For Grandma.

- Can I Play The Xbox? - What Happened To Folding The Napkins? - How You Holding Up? - I'm Totally Freaking.

I Gotta Take The Ziti Out.

- ( Whispering ) - Christopher: You Okay, T? - You Having A Good Time? - Yeah.

So It Could Be Good.

Got A Lot Of Money In This.

Oh, Look At That Wrist Action.

All Those Years Yanking It Finally Starting To Pay Off.

That Non-Alcoholic sh*t Any Good? It's All Right.

- Less Filling, Tastes Like Ass.

- ( Laughs ) ( Sighs ) This Is Nice.

About Time You Invited Everybody Over.

It Was Kelli's Idea.

She's Been Wanting To Get Her Teeth Wet With The Entertaining.

Good Thing, Else I'd Never See You.

What Are You Talking About? - Steak's Done.

- You Think So? It Keeps Cooking Even If It's Off The Flame.

The Juices.

So What's Up With You? You've Been Like A Ghost Lately.

You're Around One Second, Next Thing You're Gone.

- I Was By The Bing The Other Day.

- For, Like, Five Minutes.

You Know, You Of All People Should Understand How Hard It Is For Me To Be Around That Place.

- I Should? Why? - 'Cause You're In Therapy.

You Understand The Hum Condition, At Least.

Still Doing That? Turn Those Ribs.

Truth Is, Between The Booze And The Strippers Over There, Half Of Them Are f*cking Cokeheads.

It's Hard, You Know? And Satriale's, That Fridge Full Of Beer.

You Know How Tough It Is To Eat A Sausage And Peppers Without A Cold One? So Then Just Quit.

You Want A Beer, Too Bad.

- Show Some Balls.

- I Got Balls.

I N't Eat Eggplant No More 'Cause Of My Stomach.

Might Put Me Into A Relapse.

Now Believe Me, I'd Like To, But I Don't.

It's Not That Simple.

- Well, Make It Simple.

- It's A Disease.

I Inherited It.

You Know The Problem With My Mother.

I Gotta Be Honest.

This Whole Disease Concept, I Think It's Bullshit.

So You Know More Than The Leading Scientists Now? - I Know A Crutch When I See It.

- So My Dad? You Obviously Must Have Knew He Had A Crutch.

- What The f*ck Are You Talking About? - Come On, Ton', Huh? Between The Coke, The Vodka, Whatever The f*ck Else He Was Squirting Up His Arm-- Let's Be Honest About The Great Dickie Moltisanti: My Dad, Your Hero, Wasn't Much More Than A f*cking Junkie.

- Hey, Don't f*cking Move! - Whoa, Whoa, Al, Whoa, Wh.

- Easy Easy.

- What The f*ck Is Going On? Paulie, Remember? Germani.

We Met At Your Granddaughter's Christening.

The f*ck Are You Doing? - My Uncle Didn't Call You? - No ( Cocks g*n ) - Who's Your Uncle? - Paulie Gaultieri.

- These Are For His Friend Down At The Union.

- What Union? He Was Supposed To Call You.

You f*cking Believe This? Al, This Is A Big f*cking Mix-Up.

I Thought Paulie Called You.

- The Guy's Waiting.

- So You Break In? I Got A Silent Alarm That Goes Right To My House.

He'll Take Care Of You.

Don't Worry.

Let Me Talk To My Son-In-Law.

Chris? Fine By Me, But If I Were You, I Wouldn't Make A Problem Where There Ain't One.

( Love Song Playing On Radio ) ( Laughing ) - ( Crying ) Take Over, Okay, Felix? - What You Do? - I'm Leaving.

- Who? I'm Going Home, All Right? I Quit.

Why You Do That? If Dale Calls, Just Tell Him I'm Sorry.

But You're The Manager.

- Ton', Hey.

- Hey.

- How You Doing? - This Always Helps.

Ooh! God Bless The Nfl.

I Tell Ya, I Owe A Spot Of It To My Son.

I Was Against This Kid Even Going To College.

But Once Him And Carlo's Kid Started Taking Action On Campus, Far As I'm Concerned, He Should Stay Till He Gets A Phd.

Benefits Of A Higher Education.

Don't Get Me Wrong.

He's Learning Stuff, Too.

The sh*t This Kid Knows About Computers-- He Set His Mother Up With A Whole Web Site For Her Ceramics Business.

You Must Be Very Proud.

Believe Me, I Thank God Every Day.

I Gotta Take A Leak.

Parisi The Younger.

I Was Just Talking To Your Dad About You.

- What Did I Do Now? - To Hear Him Tell It, U're The Golden Boy.

- Hey, Ton'.

- What The f*ck's With You? Root Canal.

They Got Me On Oxycodone.

My Whole f*cking Head Is Numb.

Well, That Answers A Loof Questions.

- ( Laughing ) - What The f*ck Are You Laughing At? I'll See You Inside, Ton'.

I Got Something For You.

- So How's Rutgers? - You See Those Envelopes? - Majoring In Cash, Minoring In Ass.

- ( Bottles Clink ) Things Change,Uh? When I Was In College, It Wasn't So Much With The Sports Betting.

- Hey, How's Aj Doing? - Good Good.

He's Working.

Broke Up With That Girlfriend Of His.

That Spanish Chick? He Took Her To My Cousin Angela's Wedding.

She Was Smoking, That Girl.

Yeah Yeah, You Know, Whatever.

He Didn't Want To Get Too Serious.

f*ck, Jay, Check It Out.

Holy sh*t.

So Sil Tells Me You Booked A Party Here Next Week.

- Yeah, Yeah, It's Our Frat.

- You Should Call Aj.

He's Probably Busy, But I Know He'd Love To See You Guys.

- Yeah, Sure, Absolutely.

- Definitely, Absolutely.

( Knocking On Door ) - Who Is It? - Christopher: Me.

- W You Doing, Kid? - What The f*ck, Paulie? I Left You Four Messages.

My Flight Was Delayed.

I Just Got Home.

And I've Been Dealing With Al For Two Days.

Just Tell Him To Relax.

They Busted Into His Store.

His Acid Reflux Is Acting Up.

He Woke Up Kelli, Got Her All Upset.

It's My Fault Your Father-In-Law's A Crybaby? They Told Him I'd Take Care Of Him.

- What's His Problem? - I'm Upid Now? You Know And I Know They Were There To Boost That sh*t.

It Couldn't Wait, Okay? I Pred A Load To Lenny Down The Joint-Fitters Union.

What Do I Give A f*ck? It Ain't My Union.

Lower Your Voice.

I Got Neighbors.

f*ck Your Neighbors.

When You Gonna Pay Me? Wh You Suck The Money Out Of My Ass! Now Get The f*ck Out! Bobby: Add Three More M.

R.

I.

S And You're Looking At A 10% Increase - Across The Board.

- Listen, I Gotta Talk To You.

- Now? - It Can't Wait, T.

This f*cking Paulie! What Happened? He Sent His Idiot Nephew And Jason Molinaro To My Father-In-Law's Store.

They Boosted A Pallet Of Power Saws.

- They Did? - Yeah.

Not Exactly.

Al Caught 'Em While They Were There.

So They Did Or They Did Not Take The Saws? They Did Under False Pretense.

And This Is What You Couldn't Wait To Talk To Me About? They Broke Into The Guy's Store, T! Yeah, I Hear You.

I Get It.

But We're In The Middle Of Talking About An Ongoing, Potentially Multimillion- Dollar Proposition Here, Christopher.

It Ain't The Money, Ton'.

Oh, Really? Well, I'm Glad You Feel That Way.

A Pallet Of Drills.

You Believe This sh*t? Go Have A Lime Rickey Or Whatever The f*ck It Is You're Drinking These Days, And We'll Be Done In A Few Minutes.

Forget It, All Right? I Got Other sh*t To Do.

- ( Knock On Door ) - Come In.

I Need To Talk To You Guys.

What's The Matter? Finn? What? No.

It's Not About Me.

Aj.

- What About Him? - I Know He's Upset, But He's Been Saying Some Things That Are Really Disturbing.

- Like What? - Like Nobody Gives A sh*t About Him.

What's The Point Of Anything? Stuff Like That.

I Told You About That Girl Hadley In My Dorm Sophomore Year, The One Who Threw Herself Off The Library Balcony.

These Are The Exact Kind Of Things She Was Saying.

I Don't Mean To Get You All Upset-- Of Course Not.

I'm Glad You Said Something.

Good Night.

- Carmela: Good Night, Sweetie.

- Get Some Sleep.

( Man Speaking On Tv ) Man: I'm Just A Guy Looking To Punch You In The Mouth.

Oh, You Can Take A Punch.

I Guess We Knew That Already, Didt We? You Can Actually Land A Punch, Too.

- You're Pretty Good - Thanks.

Against A 36-Year-Old Out-Of-Shape Lieutenant.

( Fighting Continues ) I Came Here Today To Tell You In All Seriousness That I'm Done.

I Did What You Said.

I Gave It A Lot Of Thought, And I Decided That Once And For All, It's Over.

The Truth Is This Therapy Is A Jerk-Off.

You Know It, And I Know It.

I Actually Don't Know It, But Please Continue.

- It's A Jerk-Off.

- Yes, You've Said That.

Anyway, I Was Coming Here To Quit.

Had It All Planned Out.

But Guess What.

My Son Is Lking su1c1de.

So Now I'm Trapped Here Forever.

My God, What Did He Say? His Girlfriend, Fiancee, Whatever-- She Broke Up With Him.

He's Beyond Devastated.

Would You Like Me To Recommend Someone For Him To Talk To? Carmela's Getting A Referral From His Own Pediatrician.

- Oh.

- Aftethat Incompetent You Sent Meadow To? So I Suppose Now Comes The Inherent f*cking Grilling - About How I Feel About All This.

- Isn't That Why You're Here? ( Sighs ) Friends Of Mine, They Got Sons His Age, And They're Happy, Ambitious.

They f*cking Take Life As It Comes.

I Know It Seems That Way, But Do You Really Know These Other Boys? I Know What I See, My Son Curled Up On The Couch In A Fetus Position When He Should Be Out Banging Coeds.

- Have You Talked To Him? - Till I'm Blue In The Face.

We Both Have, And Now We're Afraid To Talk To Him Because Of What He Might Do.

Obviously, I'm Prone To Depression-- A Certain Bleak Attitude About The World, But I Know I Can Handle It.

Your Kids, Though-- It's Like When They're Little, And They Get Sick, You'd Give Anything In The World To Trade Places With Them, So They Don't Have To Suffer.

And Then To Think You're The Cause Of It.

How Are You The Cause Of It? It's In His Blood, This Miserable f*cking Existence.

My Rotten f*cking Putrid Genes Have Infected Kid's Soul.

That's My Gift To My Son.

I Know This Is Difficult.

But I'm Very Glad We're Having This Discussion.

Really, Really? 'Cause I Gotta Be Honest.

I Think It f*cking Sucks.

- What Does? - Therapy, This.

I Hate This f*cking sh*t! Seriously, We're Both Adults Here, Right? So After All Is Said And Done, After All The Complaining And The Crying And All The f*cking Bullshit, Is This All There Is? Yes, Welcome.

Hi, I'm Chris.

I'm An Alcoholic And Drug Addict.

All: Hi, Chris.

I Want To Go Back To What Stan Said-- How Not Being Able To Socialize Is Hard When You're A Salesman.

In My Case, It's The Same Thing.

It's Actually Taking Food Out Of My Daughter Mouth.

My Boss, For All His Bullshit Encouragement, How He Respects What I'm Doing, The Reality Is He Resents My Sobriety.

I Had The Same Thing At Unicor.

They Were All Onboard For The Intervention, But Skip One Golf Outing, And You're Ostracized.

He's An Enabler, Too, This Guy, The Worst f*cking Kind.

Pours You A Drink With One Hand, Judges You With The Other If You Take It.

And He Wonders Why I'm Distant-- At Least He Says He Does-- Why I Wanna Branch Out Into Other Things.

But I Can Promise You I'd Have More Money In My Pocket, Plus More Responsibility If I Sat With Him Drinking, Watching That Scotch Drool Out Of His Fat f*cking Mouth.

( Rock Music Playing ) ( Lion Growling ) ( Men Laughing ) Man: Embedded That Dream Into Our Culture ( Folk Music Playing ) Hey.

( Traffic Sounds ) ( Big Band Plays ) What Are You Watching? Nothing.

Oh, Whoa, That's A Good One.

John Wayne.

Two Jasons Call You? Invite You To A Party Tomorrow Night? I Don't Know.

Well, Either They Did Or They Didn't.

Yeah, I Guess.

Jason Gervasi Called.

What'd You Tell Him? I Didn't Call Him Back.

How Come? 'Cause I Don't Want To Go.

( Sighs ) Of Course Not.

Beer, Strippers, f*ckin' Around With Guys Your Own Age-- You Hate All That sh*t.

You Gonna Call Him? Said I Don't Want To Go.

I Know You Don't Want To Go.

You Don't Want To Work, You Don't Want To Eat, You Don't Want To Talk.

So, All That Being The Case, You're Gonna Shower Tomorrow Night, You're Gonna Shave, You're Gonna Get Dress, You're Gonna Go To That Party.

I'm Not Gonna Debate You On This.

Fine.

Just How Soon Before They Attempt To Blow This Fire Out? They Won't Try To k*ll It Till They're Ready To Cap The Well.

- Your Boss Is Your Uncle.

- Once Removed.

That's Gotta Add To The Source.

We Used To Be So Tight.

And Producing Movies Is High-Stress Enough.

I Have A Happy Marriage.

But There Was A Woman She Worked With Us In A Club We Had.

Anyway, She Became A Problem To Deal With, And I Sided With Him.

She Was Out Of My Life.

Okay, Fine.

But He Never Appreciated It.

Give Give Give, It's All I Ever Do.

I Think That's When The Relationship Between Me And Him Got Poisoned.

( Door Beeps ) How's It Going? Al Here? You Just Missed Him.

He Went To Lunch.

- Eh.

- Can I Help You Fellas? We're Here For The Drills.

What Drills? You Know, The Back.

I Know What You Mean, But Al Didn't Say Nothing About Picking Anything Up.

This f*ckin' Guy.

Get Him On The Phone.

All Right.

What's Your Name? Me? I'm Mike.

- ( Beeping ) - Paulie.

Nice To Meet.

Voice Mail.

Gimme That.

Yeah, Al, It's Paulie.

Listen, We're Here With Mike.

We're Gonna Take The Drills.

I'll Call You Later About That Other Order.

Huh? Let's Go.

What's Her Name? Blanca.

Had You And Blanca Been Engaged Long? Only A Couple Of Weeks.

She Had A Son Too, From When She Used To Be Married.

What Do You Think Went Wrong? Her Husband Was An assh*le, Supposedly.

With Your Relationship? Oh.

I Don't Know.

I Mean, I Wish There Was A Reason, But She Says There Isn't.

I Think Maybe It's Because We Have Way More Money In My Family Than Hers.

They're Immigrants, And That Might Have Scared Her.

Have You Been Feeling Suicidal, Anthony? A Little B.

Have You Ever Tried To k*ll Yourself? No.

I Mean, Once, Me And My Friends Jumped Off My Garage Roof, But You Know, That Was Just To Fool Around.

You Sleeping A Lot? I'm Tired, But I Keep Waking Up.

Nightmares? I Just Keep Thinking About Her.

I Mean, It Hurts, But I Can't Help It.

Does Anything In Life Give You Pleasure Lately? I Don't Know.

Not Really.

There's A Medication Called Lexapro.

It's An Antidepressant.

I Have Friends Who Take That.

Well, I'm Going To Write You A Prescription.

( Rock Music Playing ) I'm Making Mad f*ckin' Money, Bro.

I Gotta Shut My Phone Off Sometimes.

You Should Totally Do It, Man.

I'm Not Really Good With Betting And Percentages.

I Got Like A 450 On My Math Sat.

f*ck That sh*t, Bro.

I Could Hook You Up In Like 10 Minutes.

Can I Dance For You, Baby? I Guess.

( Gervasi Laughing ) Yeah, Dude! Yeah! Yeah! Look At This Pile Of sh*t.

Yeah, So Get Some Toilet Paper.

What Is That, Comedy? - ( Buzzer Sounds ) - Actually, Yeah.

Come On, What Are You Gonna Do? f*ck It, I'm All In.

f*ckin' Idiot.

Toilet Paper? f*ckin' c**t! - f*ck! - Ho, Chris! You Were My Friend.

Whoa! No! Oh, f*ck! Call An Ambulance! ( Moans ) , Wake Up.

I Need To Talk To You.

What? You Let Our Underage Son Go To A Party At A Strip Club? What Time Is It? Take It Easy, Will You? What's The Big Deal? He Just Got In Three Hours Ago.

He Is Still Drunk And He's Not Even Drinking Age! Yet He Could Die In Iraq.

What Does That Ha To Do With Anything? Jesus Christ, Carm, He's Gonna Be 21 In Two Months.

He's An Emotional Wreck, Tony.

So, Seeing Aair Of Tits Is Gonna Send Him Over The Edge? Got Him Out Of The House, Around People His Own Age.

At The f*ckin' Bing? Well, They're College Kids.

It's What They Do.

I Know You'd Rather See Him In His Room Drinkin' Cocoa, But This Is The Way Back, Believe Me-- And The Way Back To College-- Fraternities, Fr Boys.

Hey.

I Did A Stupid Thing, Ton'.

I Won't Deny It.

Stupid? Just Hung Up With Paulie.

His Nephew's Got Six Broken Vertebraes.

( Tires Screeching ) I Know That, And I'm Sorry.

But This Is The Second f*ckin' Time Paulie Flouted His Authority To My Face.

This Shith The Tools-- I Know He Set Up The Deal With The Cubans, But This Is My Father-In-Law We're Talkin' About, Tony, My Family.

In Any Case, This Bullshit Could Have Been Handled With A Conversation.

I Came To The Bing, Remember? I Tried To Talk To You About It.

And I Told You To Wait, And You Left To Go God-Knows-Where.

Oh, I Got To Be Honest, Christopher, I Can't Help Thinkin' That This Goes Directly To What We Talked About-- More Than Once.

If You Were Around More, You Had Your Finger On The Pulse, Problems Like This Would Be Squashed In The Womb.

Whether I'm Around's Got Nothing To Do With It.

He Needed The Tools, He Could Have Left Me A Message.

We're Supposed To Leave Phone Messages About Interstate Hijacking Now? How About Faxes? Emails? Make It Even Easier For The Cops.

This Is A Face-To-Face Business, Christopher.

And Yeah, I'm Gonna Talk To Paulie, 'Cause Believe Me, There's A Few Things That He Needs To Hear.

But In The Meantime, You Figure Out How Much He Owes For The Tools, And We're Gonna Deduct That Against What You're Gonna Owe For Little Paulie's Hospital Bills.

( Cell Phone Chiming ) - Yeah? - He Tore Up My Lawn, Ton'! Drove His f*ckin' Car Right Up On The Grass.

- Who Did? - f*ckin' Paulie, Who Else? 40 Grand In Landscaping.

Terrorized My Wife And Daughter.

Destroyed The Bushes, The Grass, And Every f*ckin' Flower She Plant - Just Relax, Okay? - I Am f*ckin' Relaxed.

I'm Not Gonna Do Nothin'.

Because I Love You, Because I'm Committed To My Work, I Ain't Gonna Do sh*t.

I'm Gonna Sit Tight And Hold My Tongue, And Not Cause No Problems For You.

( Clicks Off Phone ) ( Rap Music Playing ) ( Loud Chattering ) No, Bad Was '99.

Mets/Braves National League Championship.

My Dad Went Apeshit, Man.

He Threw A f*ckin' Vase Right Through The Tv.

Ho, Victor.

What Are You Doing At A Deek Party, Bro? You Settlin' Up? Come On, It's Friday.

Bills Are Sunday.

What Are We, f*ckin' Citibank? How Long We Gonna Carry Your Ass? Buffalo's A Lock.

Give Me A Dime At Two And A Half.

If Not, My Father's Sending My Check This Week Anyway.

f*ck That.

If Not-- You See This Guy Right Here? Tony Soprano Jr.

Know What That Means, Right? Monday, Bro.

One Way Or The Other.

Don't Be A d*ck About It.

Is He Still Sleeping? He's Not Home.

He Stayed With His Friends.

He Sounded Good.

They Were Playing Cards.

Well, It's Been A Week Almost, On The Meds.

All I Know, Is It's A Pleasure Not To Have Him Laying Around Here Like A Miserab'.

It's Companies Like Wal-Mart We Got To Thank.

They're Always Fighting Against Tightenin' Imports.

So, Our Provolone, Our Perfume, Whooop! Slides Right Under The f*ckin' Door.

All Those Inspections Slow Down Wal-Mart's Operation.

And What About Terrorism-- Missiles And sh*t? There He Is-- The Missing Link.

Hey.

How You Doin'? How You Doin'? Good.

I Called Sal Vitro Like You Said.

He's Coming By This Week, Resod The Lawn.

And I Talked To Paulie.

We Worked Out A Payment Schedule.

He Here? Yeah.

All Right.

Let Me Say Hello.

Hey.

How You Doing, Kid? How's Little Paulie? He's f*cked Up.

He Got Your Flowers, Though.

Good.

- Listen, Paulie-- - Forget It, Okay? sh*t Happens.

What Are You Gonna Do? There's No Point In Ruminatin'.

You're Right.

I Just Wanted To Say I'm Sorry.

Me Too.

Do This Again, Sweetie.

And Get Him A Club Soda.

You Know What? f*ck It.

Whatever He's Having.

Good Times.

Salut.

( Cell Phone Ringing ) - That's f*ckin' Rocket Fuel.

- One More, One More.

- One More.

- Ah Yeah - What's Going On, Baby? - Are You Nuts? When, Now? Who Else Is There? Let's Do It.

Deek! All Chanting: Deek Deek Deek Deek! All Right, Yeah-- No, Definitely.

In Like 20 Minutes.

- Boy: Yeah! - All Right, Bye.

Yo, Donna Amato, They're Having A Party And Guess Who's Over There? - Victor.

- That Welchin' Little Prick, You f*ckin' Kidding Me? You Wanna Come? Oh I Don't Know.

I'm Just Gonna Hang Re.

Oh Come On! It'll Be Fun! - ( Rap Music ) - ( Laughter ) Transfer To Syracuse.

Their Business Program Is Awesome.

Hey, You Made It.

f*ck.

Vic, Where Are You Goin', Buddy? I Was Just Grabbing A Beer.

What's Up? Listen, I'm Getting Your Money, Okay? - No, Yeah.

- Cool, Great.

Let's Take A Ride And Talk About It, All Right? Come On, Guys, Stop.

Donna: What's Going On? Nothin', We're Just f*ckin' Around.

- Get In The f*ckin' Car! - No! Get In The f*ckin' Car! ( Grunting ) Gervasi: f*ckin' Deadbeat.

You Know What Happens When You Don't f*ckin' Pay? ( Dog Barking ) Stop Stop! What, Are You Gonna Cry? What Are We, f*ckin' Assholes? Come On, Man.

Where's The sh*t? Yo, Help Us Hold Him Down, Come On.

- Parisi: Come On! - Get Off Me! - No! - Quit Kickin', Bitch! Get His Shoes.

Hey, Dude, You Ever Take Chemistry? 'Cause Dr.

Parisi And Me, We're Gonna Do A Little Experiment.

We Want To See What Happens When You Mix Sulfuric Acid With Toe Jam.

f*ck No! No! No! Don't, Don't, Don't Do It, f*ck! That Hurt? - You Little Bitch.

- No! ( Screaming ) ( Sizzling ) I Mean, You Have A Kid, And They Look At You You Look Back.

And You're Looking At Yourself, Really.

Or Part Of You, Plus Another Person-- That Love.

I Look At Her Eyes, Man, And She Looks Up, Back At Me-- How The f*ck Do I Put Myself Up For Adoption? ( Chuckling ) - What? - Nothing, Go Ahead.

- She Ain't Adopted, Paulie.

- I'm Kidding.

What Were You Saying? My Point-- What The f*ck Was-- Is Babies.

They're The Future.

Do You Realize By The Time Caitlin's Out Of College, It'll Be Like, The Year 2027 Or Something? She Takes After You, She Won't Be Out Of Fourth Grade By Then.

( All Laughing ) Look, By That Time, She'll Be Working Here, So Who Gives A sh*t? ( More Laughter ) ( Distorted Laughing ) ( Cackling Laughter Resumes ) - Ho, What Are You Doing? - Nothin'.

- Oh! - Come On, Come On.

- We're Just f*ckin' Around.

- It's Late.

I Gotta Go.

( Tapping Keyboard ) ( Doorbell Rings ) ( Knocking Loudly ) - Hello? - Christopher: It's Me.

I'm f*ckin' Losing It, Man.

Chris, It's 11-f*ckin'-30.

Well, You're Awake, Though, Right? I'm Sorry.

You Sleepin'? I'm Working.

I'm On A Deadline For A "Law & Order.

" Marianne's Left Me Alone.

How Much Did You Drink? I Don't Know.

A Lot.

I'm Gonna Make Some Coffee, And Then We're Gonna Call Your Sponsor.

He's Gone.

Eddie, He's Away Someplace-- Philadelphia.

This f*ckin' Paulie, Man.

You Think He's Your Friend, This Cocksucker, All These Pricks What Are You Doing? You're Drunk.

I'm Making Coffee.

I Don't Want f*ckin' Coffee.

It's An Urban Myth, Anyway.

- What Do You Write? - "Law & Order.

" I'll Give You Stories Make Your f*ckin' Head Curl-- The sh*t I Seen.

f*ck That, The sh*t I Did Personally.

I Don't Want To Hear It.

What You Need To Do Is Sober Up And Get To A Meeting.

That's Your f*ckin' Answer? It Is The Answer.

Work The Program.

You Know, You're A f*ckin' Robot.

Anybody Ever Tell You That? You Got Any f*ckin' Emotion In There? I Don't Know About You, But My Friends Have Abandoned Me.

I've Been Totally f*ckin' Ostrafied.

Because When We Drink And We Use, We Are Not Pleasant To Be Around.

My Heart's Fuc Breaking And You're Blowing Me Off? You Know, My Father f*ckin' Abandoned Me.

I Thought He Was sh*t.

You Have Any Idea, If I Wanted, What I Could Do To These Pricks? One Phone Call And It's Over.

The Whole f*ckin' Castle Comes Down-- Whoa Whoa Whoa! Do You Remember My Girlfriend, Adriana-- My Fiancee? My Friend, Ralph Cifaretto? - I Know sh*t, My Friend.

- Chris, Come On! On A Lot Of f*ckin' People Chris, I Shouldn't Hear This sh*t.

I Know, Right.

You Said.

You Just Want To Write About It, Leech Off Me.

I'm Trying To Help You, Man.

That f*ckin' Program-- The Government Has Got Money To Burn.

Gravano Was Livin' Large Down In Arizona, All On That Federal Tit.

- All Right, Let's Get You Home.

- I Like The Sun, Be Closer To Hollywood Anyway.

Give Me Your Phone.

I'm Calling Your Wife.

- What? - I Have Told You Repeatedly, I Do Not Want To Hear This sh*t.

I Let You Be Part Of My Movie.

You Let Me? I'm Pouring My Heart Out, Man.

And I'm Very Sorry.

- But We Met In Aa.

- Chris! You're In The Mafia.

Fine.

( Classic Rock Playing ) ( Tires Screeching ) - Hey.

- Hey.

Early Night, Huh? They're Slouching Up So Next Time We're In The City, I Want To Go.

What's This? Party Time? Rachael Ray Was On "Leno.

" We Got Hungry.

Sit Down, I'll Get Some Plates.

Where Were You Guys? - Frat Party.

- Had A Meeting.

Tony: Did You Go Out Tonight? Meadow: I Met A Friend For Coffee.

That's Probably Why You're Still Awake.

I Guess So.

Miss Meadow Had A Mystery Date - She Refuses To Discuss.

- Oh Yeah? What Are You Doing? Sit Down.

I'm Wired.

I Don't Know.

So What's The Mystery? That You Had A Date Begin With? Bite Me, Okay? ( Rock Sg Playing ) ( Rock Song Continues )