04x04 - Heads You Lose

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Veronica Mars Give me your wallet and phone.

I'm sorry.

Give me your wallet, kid.

They're saying four dead.

The motel owner, Sul Ross - No to NUTT.

- Was one of 'em.

I'm waiting on forensic results from a piece of shrapnel that I think may prove to be the proverbial nail in Maloof's coffin.

This nail was pulled from my back.

"Re-enter the Senate race.

The next time we won't miss.

" Someone's claiming credit for the bombing?

The same emailer's been blackmailing me for the past year.

Where's the ring, raghead?!

I don't know!

Liar!

Abu Ghraaaah!

k*ll those two guys back there.

I never want to see them again.

How you doin' out there?

So, my stunt double on this movie was Chris Hemsworth's stunt double on Thor, which basically makes us Eskimo brothers.

So, you slept with your stunt double?

Hm?

Mm!

What?

No.

That doesn't mean And hey, I don't, but if I did, I could do a lot worse than my stunt guy.

Know what I mean?

'Sup.

Hey, I'm Bryce.

Hey, Bryce, this is a private convo, buddy.

C'mon, share the wealth, bro.

Alyssa, you'd be into that, right?

A little two-on-you action?

Move along!

God, I am so sorry.

- Yeah, your friend sucks.

- Hmm?

Hm-umh.

Hey, come back!

I was a hundred feet away from a bombing today.

I need to be held.

Argh.

You got d*ck.

They're now saying one dead, 12 injured, two critically.

I've seen people blown up by IEDs.

It's horrifying, but you kind of expect it in Yemen.

Like, how do you not just keep reliving that in your head?

How you get past that?

Ohhhh, baby!

Yes!

- I got it.

- Chlamydia?

Could have been so much worse.

No, dude, the new Lifetime Christmas movie, I got that.

Okay, it's gonna be so rad.

It's about this sad but smokin' hot chick who falls in love with a mannequin who comes to life.

I play her jealous ex, who's also a mannequin.

Ripped from the headlines.

I'm sorry.

She fell in love with two mannequins?

Ahh.

So goodbye, Neptune, and hello, Romania.

Hey, the bartender said that you're the owner?

- Yeah.

- Well, I saw this clown's friend put some powdery sh*t in those girls' drinks.

That guy over there.

That guy is not my friend.

I lose two-thirds of my patrons, but the predators stick around.

Kyle?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you see the doofus at table 20?

- I see him.

- I wanna talk to him.

Hey.

You familiar with Lifetime?

Or Christmas?

Or mannequins?

Hm.

Hm-mm.

- All right, buddy, let's go.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's okay.

Maybe he'll get hit by a car.

Wait.

They speak English in Romania, don't they?

No, don't do this!

Please!

Okay!

We'll go home!

You'll never hear from us again!

Uhh.

This latest expl*si*n just reinforces our sense that what happened at the Sea Sprite was bigger than Perry Walsh.

That's not what the police chief is saying.

She says he planted the b*mb before he d*ed.

You're stickin' to your theory?

Yes.

We still believe that it's possible that these bombings are part of an orchestrated campaign to destroy Neptune's reputation as a spring break destination.

If we are going to continue paying you, you could at least find the ring the Carr family stole from us.

No one stole anything.

I gave Tawny that ring.

Enough!

Sorry.

That was, uh I'm just eager for us to put this behind us.

We're gonna keep digging.

I'm talking to some of the other businesses on the boardwalk.

Veronica is heading out of town to speak to some past associates of people that we believe might be involved.

We'll keep you apprised.

Business was already sh*t to hell after the first b*mb, and judging by last night's crowd, Chattanooga Charlie's is on a rocket ship to oblivion.

You ever seen the Country Girl Shake with four people?

Can't say I have.

Yeah.

It's sad.

Spring break pays for my year.

It pays for everybody's year down here.

Ya know, now you got that quote-unquote "civic group", the nutjobs or nutball what is it?

I think it's just NUTT.

Well, the measures they wanna pass, even if I could scrape enough together to adjust my signage, the parking regs and one-way streets would do me in, I mean But I guess the owner of the Sea Sprite would probably trade problems.

You two were friends?

I just got to know him recently.

I mean, all us boardwalk businesses are under siege right now, and Sul was kind of our Princess Leia, organizing the resistance.

You know, sendin' out emails, passin' out flyers.

When you say "under siege, um there's no delicate way to put this, um has anyone taken a dump in your ice machine?

See, where I'm from, the phrase is "turd in a punchbowl".

It's a crazy question, I know, I I just learned that Sul was dealing with a serial defecator at his motel.

Oh.

Gotcha.

I I mean, there's been some pretty bad sh*t goin' down around here, yeah.

Did you see the mural outside Dolly Parton, Davy Crockett, Phil Fulmer, Smoky Mountains risin' up behind 'em on the side of my buildin' out here?

Can't say I did.

Yeah, damn right you didn't.

You know why?

'Cause a bunch of dickhead bikers kept taggin' it.

So I just painted over the whole damn thing.

It's just as well I'm gettin' out.

You're closin' down?

Done sold the place.

I ain't stickin' around for that piece of shrapnel with my name on it.

If you don't mind my asking, to Team Casablancas Realty?

Hell no.

No.

I mean, they made an offer, but that offer was a joke.

No, I'm sellin' to some nice people from back home who reached out to me.

I mean, they're gonna keep the place as is, so - Huh.

- Yeah.

Folks are from Murfreesboro.

Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna be takin' a haircut, but it ain't nothin' like the scalpin' Big Shithead was gonna give me.

Plus, they're big Vols fans, so I know they're accustomed to misery.

Besides, it's not like I got much of a choice at this point.

You said they reached out to you.

How, exactly?

I've sent men to jail, and I've taken satisfaction from it.

Always.

When you're r*ped and your best friend is m*rder*d, all before your 17th birthday, you don't develop a keen sense of mercy.

My trip to Chino to visit the ghosts of cases past didn't soften my stance.

So you're still a private investigator.

In Neptune.

Yep.

Aww.

There are a few names I wanted to run by you P. I.

That was your job in high school, right?

Huh?

But by now, I suppose now, you you probably got big, fancy offices, an assistant.

Hmm?

No?

Huh.

Kids?

I'd love to see pictures.

Come on.

Sorry, I I'm getting ahead of myself.

Have you landed a husband?

What have you been up to, Tim?

k*ll anyone else?

I see you haven't made use of the copious free weights.

Have you landed a husband?

Well, if you must know I must.

I must.

I've been writing legal motions for my fellow prisoners, and a number of them have been released.

I'm quite well-thought-of around here.

MS-13, the Bloods, the Aryan Brotherhood they all think you're a righteous dude?

About those names.

There's nothing I'd like to do more than help the college freshman who put me here.

Yes.

d*ck Casablancas.

Clyde Pickett.

Perry Walsh.

What about 'em?

Stop it, Tim.

If I'm sure of anything about my old T. A. , it's this: you know what I'm asking.

You know I'm unmarried, you know I don't have kids, you know the case I'm investigating.

They have search engines in here.

Now dazzle me with your insights.

What's this, your autobiography?

It's a list of books.

We'll trade.

I'll tell you what you wanna know, and you send me those books.

They're hard to come by in here.

Fine.

Clyde Pickett?

Don't know him.

Now, Big d*ck and Perry, those two I saw a lot of.

They both worked in the library, I spend many hours in there.

Were they friendly?

Can't say, but they had nothing in common.

I suppose they both were misogynists, though in very, uh, different ways.

Awful people.

You know what it's like when someone makes your skin crawl?

I sure do.

Oh.

Self-awareness was never your strong suit, was it?

Which is why I've had to rely on charm and good looks.

God.

It is good to see you, Veronica.

How's tricks?

You still with Puz?

I think that's the last that I heard.

News does travel slow around here.

So few Hearst alums around to sh**t the sh*t with.

You told me you knew Clyde Pickett.

So, you ever see Logan?

God, the way he treated you back in the day.

It's a good thing you got rid of that guy.

Total train wreck, huh?

Logan Echolls is a decorated Navy pilot now serving as an intelligence officer for his country.

How 'bout you?

Are you still a r*pist?

So you two keep in touch, huh?

Next time you see him this is gonna make him laugh ask him about that time that we went to this club in Tijuana.

Dirty's, I think it was called.

That may be a loose translation.

He was with Rosa, or Easy Ezzy.

Hmm.

Now me, I I didn't consider her easy per se, I considered her a capitalist.

Eh, hold on, hold on.

I'm gonna tell you some stuff, okay?

I just miss discourse with someone worthy.

Clyde Pickett.

So you and Logan, huh?

That's a love story for the ages.

Good for you kids.

Last chance.

Got a parole hearing comin' up.

It's about g*dd*mn time, right?

But we get the news in here.

Ya know, guy at Stanford, he gets six months.

Guy at University of Wisconsin gets three years for multiple r*pes, and yet, here I am.

Hmm?

Learnin' harmonica and draggin' my tin cup across the bars of my cell, well into my second decade.

Where's the justice?

When did you say that parole hearing was again?

- I didn't.

- Oh.

That'll be easy enough to find out.

I'm gonna put it in my datebook.

There's a lot of stuff I'd like to tell the parole board.

Clyde Pickett you say?

Mercer told me Clyde was Big d*ck's protector, and it was kind of a joke to the rest of the prisoners.

Clyde was respected, people didn't mess with him, but Clyde conned Big d*ck, saw him as a future payday, which seems to be coming true.

And Big d*ck worked for Perry Walsh in the library.

That's interesting.

Perry's misogyny fits with his manifesto.

Or fits with someone writing a manifesto to sound like Walsh.

And who appears clever enough to do that?

- Your buddy Clyde.

- He's not my buddy.

What did you learn down at the boardwalk?

Same sort of harassment happening to Sul Ross has been going on everywhere.

Just enough to imagine it's a conspiracy.

At the same time, just enough to believe that we're batshit-crazy conspiracy theorists.

Matty, hi.

You guys talking about the bombing case?

As a matter of fact.

You mind givin' us a minute?

Sure.

Her dad was trying to organize the boardwalk businesses.

Well, that explains why he was targeted.

Big d*ck has been trying to buy up boardwalk real estate for the past couple of years lowball offers, though.

Most resisted.

Spring break was a gold mine, so property owners never felt like they needed to sell.

Post bombings, Casablancas is getting even more aggressive.

Offers are pennies on the dollar.

He can't even overpay to destroy a community like a regular cuss-head.

gets weird.

Most owners have also recently been approached by Mom-and-Pop outfits.

They got letters with personal appeals.

Better offers than than d*ck's, but not by much.

Some have sold, some are holding out.

Did you get offer sheets on the ones selling?

Yeah.

Buyers are all shell companies.

I'm looking into it.

Wish we had Mac around.

This computer stuff ain't my strong suit.

Hey Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Can you see what's around my neck?!

Can you see what's around my neck?!

Is it a b*mb?!

It's a b*mb.

- Stop!

You can't just

- He's got a b*mb!

- Hey!

Somebody help me!

- Oh, my God!

- Somebody help!

- 911.

What's your emergency?

- There's a b*mb!

- What's your address?

Ma'am, please tell me your address.

Where are we?

!

Where are we The forensics report as soon as it comes in.

- Yes, Chief.

- I want a copy of the witness canvass

- on my desk now.

- You got it.

Hey, Chief, phones don't stop ringin'.

People think anything the size of a bread box

- they don't recognize is a b*mb.

- Wonderful.

And just to remind you, San Diego mayor's office and the chief of staff.

- Oh, sh*t.

That's this morning?

- It's now.

They're both in your office waiting for you.

And something else.

- Is it related to the bombing?

- No.

- Well, kind of But - Just go deal with it yourself.

Jim!

Sheila!

How are you?

We heard on our way here.

The boy had a b*mb locked around his neck?

Yeah, karmic justice.

He spent last night trying to roofie girls at nightclubs.

But we're on top of it.

Uh, would you excuse me for just a moment?

Just make yourself comfortable.

Who's that with Dobbins?

That's what I was trying to tell you.

The mayor called in the FBI.

Marcia, maybe it'd be best if we do this another time.

Everyone still thinks you'd be a good fit for us in San Diego.

Most everyone.

You've come such a long way.

I mean, it'd be a shame for you to have to turn around You have a lot on your plate here.

We'll have our offices reschedule.

Well, should we just get them on the phone now?

I Worry about these bombs.

We'll be in touch.

Marcia.

Come on over here.

I want you to meet someone.

Chief Langdon, this is Agent Woods from the FBI.

Thanks for accommodating us.

Leo D'Amato.

How ya doin'?

Agent D'Amato, Agent Woods.

While it's lovely to meet both of you Oh, no, it's lovely to meet you.

Too.

Ha.

Ah you weren't done, were you?

Well, as I've already explained to the mayor, this is not an FBI matter.

None of the bombings occurred at a college, university, or a property used in interstate or foreign commerce.

We're not here to investigate terrorism.

We think we might be dealing with a serial k*ller.

Which is very much within the bureau's jurisdiction.

You know what?

The more the merrier.

Right?

I mean, why not.

We've already got a pizza boy, private investigators, and Private investigators?

Which ones?

Hey.

Uh, I'm Leo.

I didn't order a pizza.

Oh, I'm not Okay.

Um, I'm a friend of Veronica's.

Is she around?

She's not.

Uh, was she expecting you?

Not really.

I haven't seen her in a few years.

I lost her number.

Normally, I woulda called first.

Instead, you brought a pizza.

I did.

It's kind of a running joke.

Oh, I love jokes!

Let's hear it.

It's not really a Okay.

Uh, in the past, when Veronica needed information, she would bring me food.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

She does love information.

She does.

Well, would you mind letting her know I stopped by?

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure she'll be back any minute.

Come on in.

Oh!

Let's go!

I'll be right back.

Who are they?

Hoodlums.

This is you, right?

Just keep running your mouth.

Well, what I wanna know, Juan Diego, is, what do you have against the Sea Sprite?

Or is it just when you gotta go, you gotta go?

Somethin' like that.

I don't think it is.

Is the same person that's having you screw with the boardwalk businesses having you mug people?

What is it, a hundy for every wallet you hand them?

Tell me the truth, and I'll give you back the cash I took from you.

Yo, Juan Diego, she took your money?

How 'about I just take that money and whatever else I want from you?

Yeah, that's right, man.

Come on, young buck.

The money is one thing, but when you add the sexual component, it really makes me want to sh**t you.

Can't we all just get along?

Too late for getting along now.

Yo, Kha'n!

Get her purse from her car Aaah!

Ohhh!

Ratón!

Let her go before she hurts you too.

Oh, damn.

The next one goes in your bike.

Hit the road, boys.

You all got better things to do.

Quite the mentoring program you've got here.

How's the straight life?

You wouldn't be chopping cars in here like your uncle did, right?

I think the words you're looking for are "thank you".

Who's she?

Her dad used to be sheriff.

The two of 'em are P.

I.

s now.

They have some weird history with my brother.

Muggings.

Vandalism.

Bombings.

Regular Fagin now, huh?

What did you say?

Relax.

It was a literary reference.

Oh, I got the Oliver Twist shout-out.

But did you say bombings?

Yeah.

It was me behind the grassy knoll, too.

You, your boys you're doing grunt work for the people who want to destroy this town.

Fine.

Whatever.

Sell out, then!

Ya know, it must be nice to have choices, Veronica.

Hi.

Hey, buddy.

- Hi!

- Hi yourself.

Mushroom?

That's not your usual.

Okay.

I think I see where this is headed.

Are you accusing me of being with another woman, because ?

I am definitely not accusing you of Oh.

sh*t.

The jig is up.

Hey, Veronica.

Hi Leo.

I think Piz is back there too.

Somewhere.

Piz?

- The FBI.

- Mm-hm.

Wow.

I am very impressed.

And a little jealous, I think.

I heard you got married, but I don't see a ring.

I noticed that too.

- Ah, divorced.

- Hmm.

I'm here on this bomber case.

People upstairs knew I had some local knowledge.

Police chief says you and your dad are workin' the case.

She's a piece of work.

That she is.

So you G-men come to town and piggyback off the local shamuses?

- It's page one of the handbook.

- Okay.

Fine.

How about lunch tomorrow?

Uh, yeah.

That sounds good.

Good to see you, Leo.

Yeah, uh, you you too.

Oh.

Sorry.

Thanks for the hospitality.

- Thank you for the pizza.

- Yeah, you got it.

Hey.

I know that was a little, um Sounds like you two spent quite a bit of time together when I was landing on aircraft carriers in the Persian Gulf.

On the r*pe case at the Grand.

I told you about that.

My version, it was "this San Diego police detective".

I didn't know there was a history.

There it is.

That vintage Logan Echolls jealousy.

- Oh, I'm gonna mainline it.

- No, no.

- Unh!

- It's no biggie.

Seriously.

Harlots?

Hunt cannot bar us from Golden Square as long as we stay chaste within it.

Go back and gather the girls.

We'll send word to Abbadon to prepare the house.

I have business with this harridan.

All rightie.

Got a six-foot sub if anyone's interested.

No tomatoes.

I I know how you feel about tomatoes, Carol.

Thanks.

I'm I'm not hungry.

You know what?

I'll have a piece.

Good.

You see how that doesn't work?

Yes, I do, Don.

So you're not going to go on TV and articulate some baseless theory about how you can insert a section of hoagie into your disc drive and then have said hoagie come out of my disc drive in D. C. ?

I don't have a disc drive, Don.

Do you still have a disc drive?

Several.

Great.

Uh, shall we get started?

Why'd you have to mention the group on the air?

My mother was watching, Penn.

Okay, Carol, I I didn't I didn't mean The group hadn't landed on Daniel Maloof.

That was all you.

I see half a stranger back there.

Move into frame, love.

Oh, this is Matty Ross.

I invited her.

Her dad owned the Sea Sprite, and she's here looking for answers.

- I'm so sorry for your loss.

- Sorry.

Matty.

We were actually just discussing how Penn was shown up by the Neptune police.

Uh, Neptune police didn't show him up.

Well, they did find this Perry Walsh character.

Although he's obviously the patsy, right?

No.

No, not the police.

That was, um that was me telling Veronica Mars about how we weren't supposed to have gum in our vending machines.

Veronica and I staked out the place, got pictures of the guy, and then her dad tracked him down and gave the information to the police.

Uh Huh.

Uh What's that about blind squirrels and nuts?

But But they're wrong, right?

There's no way that Perry Walsh attached a horse collar b*mb to a guy that fell asleep on the beach.

Well, they don't think Walsh is the guy, either.

- What?

- What?

Well, what what do they think?

Does it matter?

Neither has credibility.

It has something to do with Chino and and stuff happening on the boardwalk during spring break.

Logic, folks.

Let's focus on logic and facts.

So, I just had a very weird experience.

If this is one of your "I met a woman with a cane fetish" stories, I'm not interested.

No such luck!

I tracked down Clyde Pickett's ex, the lovely, lovely Ichiko Doi.

You know how he mentioned she broke up with him - when he got arrested?

- Mm-hm.

Here's what he didn't mention.

She knew where he was stashing his cash reserves, and absconded with said reserves.

How much did she steal?

Three hundred and ninety-two thousand dollars, give or take.

Whoa.

You're not gonna tell Clyde where she is, are you?

That was my recommendation to her, but, uh, Ichiko wants him to get in touch.

She's still crazy about him.

Or mostly just crazy?

Told ya.

Weird.

Hello?

Back here!

Or she knows him better than we do.

Clyde doesn't sound like a guy who would strap a b*mb around a college student's neck.

If he is who she says he is, it it puts quite a dent in our operating theory.

Ho-ho!

The brain trust.

I can feel the synapses f*ring.

Did you order a pizza?

Okay, fine.

Yeah.

I deserve that.

So, no pizza?

I just wanted to run a proposal by the two of you.

Do you have a minute?

I'll bite.

What do you say we pool our resources?

- I say no.

- Get Let me get the pitch out first, okay?

Mars and Murderheads united to solve the case.

W-We would work for free, and yes, some of them are bozos, one in particular, but most of them have some serious investigative skills.

Daniel Maloof.

Wants to see us ASAP.

You remember Maloof, right?

You wrongly accused him of m*rder?

I know that I've made a mess of things, but I-I'd love a chance to set things right.

If not for me, for Matty and Sul.

Well, that's a a generous offer.

We There's 'Kay.

There's no need.

Was probably a stupid idea anyway.

Well thank you for your time.

Unless you were into it.

She's out there, ya know.

Who?

The woman with the cane fetish.

And she's smart as a whip.

With legs up to here and dimples of Venus.

I'm not gonna have to call this cane woman "Mom", am I?

Time will tell.

Well, look at this.

Just the man we're hopin' to find.

That's sweet, Keith.

Thank you.

So you said it was urgent?

Uh, let's wait.

I think he doesn't want me to hear.

Logan, head on in.

I'll just be a minute.

It's from the blackmailer.

He always sends from different email addresses, but I'm sure it's him.

He claims responsibility for the Sea Sprite b*mb.

He says my family should live in fear if I don't resume my political career, run for the Senate.

I'm just gonna forward myself this email.

No, no.

He said not to forward or to show it to anyone.

That's why I asked you to come in person.

Yeah.

Gut feeling here: it's an empty thr*at.

He wants something from you, Mr.

- Maloof.

- Maloof.

Sorry, I, um The point is, why would your blackmailer set off the other explosions?

It doesn't make any sense.

You all might want to see this.

Hey!

There's the rest of the dream team!

- Pimpin' cane, Keith.

- Vinnie.

Maybe it's not a woman with a cane fetish.

Mother, what's going on?

I hired my own P. I.

To find the ring.

Oh, come on.

You gotta let it go.

The ring is gone.

Is it?

You have my word.

I will scour the globe for as long as it takes weeks, months, years Decades.

Centuries.

Millennia!

If necessary.

And, oh, uh, hey, by the way, thank you for the opportunity.

Ya know, if you guys didn't drop the ball on finding the ring - They don't care about the ring.

- They don't care about the ring?

You don't care about the ring?

From what I hear, it's an heirloom that dates back to the pharaohs.

Yes.

Ya know what, this is gonna be fantastic.

This is gonna be absolutely fantastic, the three of us workin' together.

We're not working together.

Sure.

We're like the Avengers, ya know?

I'm Tony Stark, Iron Man obviously and your dad, he's I don't know, is there a a bald Avenger?

And you're Pepper Potts.

Ya know?

You're, uh, you're the girl who helps me on with my iron suit and runs my errands.

I got it: Captain No-hair-ica.

Captain No-hair-ica.

Oh, man, I wish my mom could see me now.

Oh.

Workin' for a congressman.

Why don't you just tell her tomorrow when she's cleaning your room?

Hey.

Hey, Keith.

Seriously.

You know what you guys need to solve this whole bombing thing?

Vision.

Oh, wait.

I was still on bald Avengers.

No.

More like a 1998 Econoline panel van, okay?

Low mileage, great for surveillance and whatnot.

You know what I mean?

- Wink, wink, wink - We got it covered, Vin.

I'm gonna need that retainer check now.

Bang.

I haven't found the ring yet.

I'm good, but I'm not that good.

No, I-I need your help on something else.

I want you to locate two men.

They're in a black Yukon with Mexican plates.

Obviously, I'm willing to pay on top of the other fee.

Well, obviously I wouldn't do it if you weren't.

So, what is your big FBI brain telling you about these bombings?

Well, I'd say it's even money that your chief of police detonates her next b*mb right here in this office.

You're not feelin' the love?

Ooh, no.

She is slow-walking every piece of evidence.

Got nothin' on the first two bombs.

I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda miss Sheriff Lamb.

Yeah.

He was dumb and easy to manipulate, I'll give him that.

Yeah.

A good lay, too.

What?

You know, those deputy jobs were very hard to come by.

Off that, I think I'm gonna head out.

What, because I sold my body to advance my career?

Veronica, I was young.

I think I'm gonna go do a little research.

On this nail.

Those are the nails that forensics found at the b*mb sites.

Wanna go with me to the hardware store?

Why not?

Nails are to the left.

What?

Clyde Pickett.

Who's Clyde Pickett?

Met Neptune's biggest real estate developer while doing time in Chino.

We're working an angle that involves the two of them.

Find everything all right?

This looks like the one used in the bombs, doesn't it?

Yeah.

And here's your change, sir.

- Thank you.

- Have a great day.

Would it be rude to follow him?

Be malpractice not to.

Huh.

Looks a lot like Mars Investigations.

You are in the FBI.

Yes.

Clyde asked us to find his ex.

My dad thought taking the case would allow him to explore our theory.

Ahh.

This shouldn't take long.

Dad's just filling him in on what he knows.

So you found Ichiko!

- A lovely woman.

- Right?

I can see why you were so interested in finding her.

So where is she?

Ah.

Well, she wasn't quite ready for me to give you that information.

Oh.

But here's her email address.

She said she'd love to hear from you.

Oh.

Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right?

So, you never told me.

What did you think of the concierge medical care?

I never knew what velvet handcuffs were before, - But now - Right?

Once you taste luxury, it's hard to go back.

If the hoi polloi find out about these places, I'm putting all my savings in guillotine futures.

Pro tip.

Invest in baskets.

For the heads.

Smart!

Always think of the ancillary markets.

I learned that from Big d*ck.

You two are an unlikely pair.

Yeah.

Well, we can't all be Butch and Sundance, right?

How did you two come to be?

You want to hear the story?

Ohh.

Very much.

You got somethin' to drink?

Will this do?

Redemption 10 Year.

Yes, that will do very nicely.

Must be pretty boring babysitting a congressman.

"The life of the creative man is led, directed and controlled by boredom.

" Susan Sontag.

You're a strange individual.

Hm.

So you're an active naval intelligence officer?

Why aren't you somewhere more, uh Dangerous than the presidential suite at the Neptune Grand?

I'm gone for long stretches and back for extended leave.

They're just never kind enough to let me know when those stretches are gonna happen.

So how does that go over with your girlfriend?

Uh, truthfully, I don't know if it helps us or harms us.

Two natural loners and a 70-pound dog in a 600-square-foot apartment is its own kind of challenge.

Hey.

Why take this job for which you're completely overqualified?

May have overspent on a ring.

Oh.

Ohh!

I won't say a thing.

Well, that's probably best.

Uh, if you wanna if you wanna head out, I'm gonna stay in for the night.

You won't be ordering room service?

I appreciate your vigilance.

Good night, Logan.

You won't believe it.

- What are you doin' comin' here?!

- I had to!

I want to call it off.

Don't k*ll anyone.

Not for me.

A day late and $100,000 short, my friend.

This is from the congressman.

You bring the money?

What is going on in there?

You got M&Ms in that jacket?

Chocolate raisins?

You're a human vending machine.

Okay.

Uh, yes?

No?

Yeah.

Ya know, Liz my sh that's my ex she'd always give me a hard time about being fully stocked.

Snacks, uh, may have gone through the wash.

More than once.

Is that why she left you?

Why would you think that she left me?

She left me.

What happened?

What happened.

We got married too soon.

It was in the madness of love, the madness faded, as it does, and neither of us were happy with what we found.

How about you and Logan?

What about me and Logan?

Don't pretend like you don't understand the question.

A A woman well into her 30s Ouch.

has been with the same guy for five straight years.

If marriage isn't the conversation that you're having, it's most certainly the conversation that you're dancing around.

We quite gracefully danced around it until a couple weeks ago when he poleaxed me by proposing.

Uh I don't see a ring, so I'm guessing You're g*dd*mn right I said no!

And I don't even think he wanted to get married.

He barely reacted to the rejection.

Made me think he just asked so he could have the upper hand.

Like he wanted to be able to wear the "I love you more" pants.

You ever consider putting on the peace offering t*nk top?

Me?

Maybe he should put on the "I defied the well-established boundaries of our rock-solid relationship" hair shirt.

All right.

You know, from the way that you've talked about him, to be honest, I was expecting someone different.

The hair-trigger temper, random acts of v*olence what are what are other things that we expect from a young Marlon Brando?

I don't like to use this term but I'll do it because I'm in Southern California, but your boy seems chill.

Bleaahh.

Yeah.

Uhh.

All right, we're goin' in.

That's it.

They better not be playin' Twister.

All right.

Yeah.

Keith if I ever write my auto my ography, I got the title.

Here it is.

- What is it?

- It's It's It's "It's" is the first word of the title.

"It's Hard to Find Good Help: the Clyde Pickett Story.

" - That is a good title.

- Right?

Case in point: we're doin' this job, a little savings & loan in Wallawa whatever, Oregon, and, uh, I catch one of my boys carryin' a grenade.

- No!

No!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- And I say, "Kid, wh why?!"

- "Why?" And he he says, "Just in case. " So at this point, I know I'm gonna end up in jail.

You're goin' down.

You're goin' down.

Mm.

Mm.

Let me tell ya about a couple of Darwin Award winners that deputied for me Number one daughter!

Dad.

You remember Leo!

Leo!

Oh Hey, Sheriff.

Oh, Leo was one of my deputies.

One of the good ones.

- Now he works for the FBI.

- Yeah.

Good for you, Leo.

Leo, Leo.

Leo, this is Clyde Pickett.

Clyde Pickett.

Leo D'Amato, it's nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Fed, huh?

Is anybody in this town not in law enforcement?

You're here on business, I assume?

Yeah, still lookin' for Jimmy Hoffa.

So, boys, you just doin' some day drinking?

Whoa!

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Here No, I I got it.

Thanks.

I think that's my cue to hit the road.

Thanks for the drink.

Ohh.

Okay.

Okay, let me know how it goes with Ichiko.

Yeah, lovely Ichiko.

- Dad - Yeah.

What the hell is goin' on here?

Two old booze hounds deep in the giggle juice, bumpin' gums?

I was doin' my job.

And what's with the fake-aloo?

Our mark's no Jasper.

We tailed our meat from the hardware store.

Coulda been the same kind of nails used as shrapnel in the bombs.

But you came up dusty.

I'm no bunny.

I knew it was a long sh*t.

Okay.

I think I know how you turned out like you did.

Sheriff Mars always a pleasure.

Back atcha, Leo.

- Thanks for the company, Leo.

- Bye.

Hmm.

Are you still good to hit the City Council meeting?

There isn't a bottle of rye that can hold me down.

All the same, I think I'll drive.

So, assuming d*ck is still the big cheese, what are we looking for tonight?

- He's gonna want to turn the screws.

- Yep.

You see what happens when we don't prune the vine.

v*olence and death.

I'm sorry, Mr. Casablancas.

I may need a little help with the metaphor.

I don't think I'm the only one.

It's simple, Mark.

Old Neptune, clean, decent, respectable Neptune, was the healthy fruit on tended vine.

And Neptune now ?

Rotten fruit from an un tended vine.

v*olence is the unintended consequence of letting a town go to seed.

What are we doing about the bombs?

Yeah!

I didn't find the analogy at all hard to follow, Mr. Casablancas.

Thank you.

So you're saying this serial k*ller that is terrorizing our town is doing so because of a lack of one-way streets on the boardwalk and neon signs taller than 12 feet?

Smirk if you want, but I predict that this will continue if these measures are not passed.

Dobbins just got my vote in the next mayoral election.

Veronica.

- Hey.

- Max!

Wow, hi!

Long time.

- Yeah.

- How are you?

Screwed, actually, if these measures get put into effect.

Okay, I've made my point.

Keep fiddlin' while Rome burns!

You own a business on the boardwalk.

How, High Are You.

- Mm.

- I'm good.

Name's Keith.

- How are you?

- No, no, Dad.

He owns the dispensary at Dickens and 3rd, How, High Are You.

Ahh.

How's clever workin' out?

Right now not so good.

And just when you thought it was safe to sell recreational marijuana.

Well, good luck to ya.

Are you gonna get up there and speak?

You know, I spoke to the other merchants, and it was collectively decided that the weed dealer going up there wasn't putting our best foot forward, so yeah.

Hey, did you know Sul?

Hi, my name is Penn Epner.

You gain some clarity when you barely escape death.

And you see people that you know and care about die feet from you.

I have a restless mind, and when I'm not earning a living as a undervalued working class shmo in a town that doesn't want us around I've been digging into this crime.

The focus here is the Tidy Town measures.

We were discussing the bombs earlier.

Right, well, let's get to it.

Vote no on NUTT.

- Okay - Vote no, because the people that are pushing these regulations are trying to drive out the businesses that own the valuable boardwalk real estate.

They're responsible for the muggings!

They're responsible for the vandalism!

And they're responsible for the bombings that are k*lling Neptune as a spring break destination city!

Security!

Please remove the speaker.

What is happening?

Who exactly, do you ask?

Big d*ck Casablancas, and his right-hand man Clyde Pickett!

You little piece of sh*t!

All right, given the chaos, tonight's vote will be postponed.

No!

The measures have the votes!

Mark, call the vote!

You're gonna regret this!

Call the g*dd*mn vote!

Meeting's adjourned.

You come here!

Come here!

You see these people!

That cussing mothercusser.

He Bugged our office.

I believe you're right.