01x04 - Party Crashers

[bunniefuu]

TICK: Falling.

One of humanity's most feared and misunderstood conditions.

The key to successful falling lies in realizing that you area falling person.

Do you go stiff?

Resist the fall like a standing person?

Or do you accept it like a defenestrated feline, and stay alert to each and every falling opportunity?

- [WOMAN SCREAMS]

- [CAR ALARM WAILING]

- Tick?

- MAN: He's dead.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Good grief.

Hey, Arthur!

[OVERKILL GROANING]

I'm okay!

OVERKILL: What is that monstrosity?

Gene editing?

Cyborg?

- Android?

- I-I don't know.

He, he doesn't know.

- What is this?

- Come on, those are my files.

You don't deserve files.

You and your blue defective are making a mess of this operation.

You lost the suit.

The suit was the only link I had to Karamazov.

Who's Karamazov?

This is good.

These are good.

I'm taking these.

No, you can't just take that.

Keep out of this, jackass.

You're in over your head.

Okay.

Buck up, fella.

At least now, you don't have to keep up this whole accountant pretense.

It's not a pretense, Tick, it's my career.

Okay?

The only reason they shut the office down is because you and Overkill trashed it.

Uh, they did seem a little put out.

Lucky I didn't get fired.

Yeah, you should be fired up.

This Overkill is making a mess of our operation.

That's what he said about us.

Oh, yeah?

Well, what else did that gunmetal Kn*fe party have to say?

Something about Project Achilles, guy named Dr.

Karamazov.

Zoom!

We are fat with clues.

Overkill thinks The Terror is still alive.

- I think I actually might be right.

- Of course you're right.

You're good at this, chum.

"Good at this"?

Tick, Tick, I'm terrible at this.

I lost everything.

I lost my notebook, I lost my files on The Terror, I lost the suit.

But look how tenaciously you clung to life.

Like an ant lifting a peanut.

You have the knack.

Okay.

Well, uh, I don't know about that, but, uh I'll try to do some research on that Karamazov guy in the morning, - but right now I need some rest.

- All right, good idea.

Give the old sizzling brain pan a moment to cool.

In the meantime, I'll await further instructions.

TICK: Oh.

Hmm.

Hey, Tick.

Hmm.

Yeah?

Do, do you have a place?

Wh-Where you go to to sleep and everything?

[SCOFFS]

I must.

But you don't remember where it is.

A total blank.

Look, you could, uh, stay on my couch if you wanted.

- You know, just, just for tonight.

- All right!

Okay, but it's a tonight thing, you understand.

- You betcha, got it.

- A very temporary invitation.

[GRAPPLE LINE REELING]

[EXHALES]

- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

- DANGERBOAT: That sounds good.

Now it's time for some bass.

Oh, yeah, shaking that ass.

Da-Da-Da-Dangerboat - [POUNDING ON DOOR]

- OVERKILL: Hello?

Da-Da-Da-Da-Danger Hello, damn it.

Dangerboat.

DANGERBOAT: Hello, roomie.

I was working on my new theme.

- Do you want to hear it?

- No.

- Did you have a bad day?

- Yes.

I'm not surprised you're growing emotional, given the circumstances.

Did you find the wing-suit prototype?

OVERKILL: No, the accountant lost it.

[BEEPS]

What do you care, anyway?

I thought you weren't interested in my vendetta.

I'm not.

I've just been alone all day.

Tried to call you on your helmet.

You're not answering your helmet anymore?

Took a hit.

Transmitter's sh*t.

TICK [OVER VIDEO] : Stop, it tickles.

DANGERBOAT: What is that?

OVERKILL: He calls himself The Tick.

- Jesus.

- Okay, Dangerboat.

I need you to run a deep background on this giant blue freak.

Yes, I'll do it, but "please.

" Please.

- Scanning for face-voice recognition.

- Stop, it tickles.

Stop, it tickles Do you want me to warm up some Fo-Ham?

No, I'm going out.

You just got back.

Crime has overtaken this city.

There must be punishment.

[DISTORTED VOICE] : They're all animals, anyway.

It's time for the real rain to come and wash all this scum off the street.

DANGERBOAT: Travis Bickle.

What?

DANGERBOAT: Taxi Driver.

Shut the f*ck up.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Da-Da-Da-Da-Da Dangerboat.

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Hey, Tick?

REPORTER [OVER TV] : Their last stand, where preparations are underway for a memorial service to commemorate The Flag Five's ultimate sacrifice.

It's been 15 years since the City's self-proclaimed defenders fell in battle against The Terror.

And the mayor plans to unveil a monument to our fallen heroes.

[TV TURNS OFF]

[WATER RUNNING IN DISTANCE]

Hey, Tick, all night I kept thinking about what Overkill said, ab-about Karamazov and The Terror, but I-I can't find anything about him online.

- Morning, Arthur.

- Whoa!

God.

Oh Oh, God!

What are you doing in my shower?

I only take baths when there are candles.

TICK: Ran into him on morning patrol.

Did you know, some people don't get houses, even if they want one?

Tick, you cannot let strangers into my apartment, okay?

He's not a stranger.

It's Tinfoil Kevin.

We see him every day.

And now you've seen most of his body.

So you two are superheroes?

- Yes.

- No.

No?

I saw you with those wings.

Not everyone can get away with a look like that.

It's very cool.

I know.

If you need anything, you guys should come by my office.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I-I thought you were homeless?

I am homeless.

I'm not office-less.

[TICK SLURPS]

[EXHALES]

- [PHONE BUZZING]

- Telephone.

Okay.

Excuse me.

[GROANS]

Hey, Dot.

DOT: Hey.

Um, I need a favor.

Can you pick up the cake for Walter's party before you head over there?

The cake for Walter's party?

Tell me you didn't forget about Walter's birthday.

- I didn't forget about Walter's birthday.

- Hmm, ah, hmm.

Okay, good.

I'm stuck at school for about an hour, so I'll, I'll see you there, right?

Okay, great.

I'm heading over right now.

So I'll see you soon, okay?

It's his sister, Dot.

- Tick.

- Do I hear someone?

Who is that?

Yeah, that's I'm at the market right now, buying ice.

So that's just the, the folk of the market, okay?

Are you sure about that, Arthur?

We're not in the market.

- DOT: Arthur.

- Kevin's right.

- Your senses are deceiving you.

- Shh, shh, shh.

DOT: Wait.

Is that that Tick guy?

Yeah, that's that Tick guy, yeah.

You're not bringing him, right?

[LAUGHING] : No.

[LAUGHING]

-No, I'm not bringing The Tick to the party.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, I'm good, Dot.

I'm not no.

No.

Okay?

I'll see you soon.

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Party.

- No.

You're making your own hat.

Amazing.

Okay.

I will be back later tonight.

Try to behave yourselves.

You don't think we should be out there on the trail of this emotionally unbalanced, zip line-ejaculating vigilante?

No, I-I don't, Tick.

Look, it's my stepfather's 60th birthday and I can't miss it, okay?

But what about Karamarzipan?

Arthur, we have clues!

Yeah, and we don't know what to do with them.

Okay?

So, in the meantime, I'm gonna go about working on something called "a life.

" That's what people do, they have lives, and the lives all get mixed up with each other's, and they go to parties and buy gifts for people who aren't really their father, stay on their meds.

I sense your sister's hand in all of this.

Yeah, because it's there.

With good reason.

She's the one keeping me normal.

- Okay?

- But you're not normal, Arthur.

You're extraordinary.

Can't she see that?

Yeah, well, my family doesn't want extraordinary, Tick.

Okay?

They just they want functional.

And right now I'm barely pulling that off.

You cannot let your sister stand between you and your life's purpose.

[SIGHS]

- I have to go.

- Somebody should talk to your sister.

No.

[DOOR OPENS]

- [DOOR CLOSES]

- Sounds like a cry for help.

I think you're right, Kevin.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Hey, Mom.

- Hi.

- Hi.

How are you?

- Dot talked to you?

- She talked to me.

She said you had an episode.

You want to talk about it?

- Uh, well - I-I mean, should we be getting you somebody to talk about it with?

Dr. Paul is here.

Dr. Paul, my old therapist?

What's she doing here?

Yeah, so she's a family friend.

Oh, and Dr.

Viasco is here, too.

- Who?

- Outpatient psychiatrist during your little sophomore break.

I could schedule something with him.

Uh, that's fine.

I thanks, Mom, but, you know, I'm okay.

I'm not great, but I'm "Okay" is great, honey.

Let's just keep sh**ting for "okay.

" - Okay?

- Okay.

Good.

I think you know I love you.

Go say hi to Walter.

MAN: I love this party.

- Arthur.

- Hey, Walter.

Uh, I got this cake for your birthday.

Uh, happy birthday, by the way.

Yeah, I'm really old now.

I was at the market getting the cold cuts Not the old market because there's a new one closer, uh, where your optician used to be And the sample lady said the same thing, "Happy birthday," and I said, "Yeah, I'm really old now," but then she said, "We've got a very good deal on some very good cheese.

" And, Arthur, this is the cheese.

And it is really good.

Wow, uh ah.

Thank you, Walter.

- A little pricey.

- Mmm.

That is cheese.

Um, I think I should probably go put this cake down somewhere.

How are you?

We heard you ran into some, uh, choppy surf, mentally speaking, and I want to know how you were, how life was, if you were good, if your feet were good.

Yeah, my-my feet are feet.

Yay, Arthur's here.

- Hey.

- [CHUCKLES]

Uh, let's get the cake in the fridge, yeah?

[SOFTLY] : Okay.

You're here.

You're doing good.

I'm so proud of you.

Okay, I brought a cake to a party.

Let's not act like I won a silver medal at the Olympics, Dot.

Hey, you went off the reservation.

I get to be cautious and condescending for at least a week.

Thanks for telling on me, by the way.

Full transparency, zero enabling.

Normal is what normal does, right?

Yeah.

Normal is what normal does.

Hi.

Well But your feet are okay?

[CHUCKLES]

Power on.

Power on.

DEREK: Know anything about this?

I know it's the preferred mode of travel for half-men across the globe.

Actually it's a $2,500 state-of-the-art KMX Venom.

And, uh, you're paying for a new wheel.

[SCOFFS]

Eat a d*ck, Derek.

It was on my side of the condo.

Do you want me to bust out our agreement?

Page 12, paragraph nine?

"Ex-wife shall not molest "or electro-molest ex-husband's property or person.

" Why can't you just buy me out?

It's not like you can't afford it.

Why can't you buy me out?

Because it's my g*dd*mn lair!

Well, you're buying me a new wheel.

Can't you see that I'm working?

Where'd you get this?

Target.

Why?

Graphene weave, impact gel That's some high-end tactical sh*t.

Whoa.

Look at the layered processing on this.

I'll bet the heads-up display is amazing.

FEMALE VOICE: Power mode: Standby.

DEREK: Look at this.

[LAUGHS]

Wow.

This is got to appreciate the craftsmanship.

- FEMALE VOICE: Foreign object.

- Whoa.

- [EXHALES]

- Can you turn it on?

Mm nope.

Looks like it's retina-encrypted.

Won't even come out of sleep mode for anyone but the person it imprinted on.

- FEMALE VOICE: Retina scan failed.

- Ow!

You mean the little piece of crap that was wearing this is the only piece of crap that can turn it on?

Great.

Going out?

Well Might want to give yourself the once-over.

[POUNDS ON DOOR]

Well, look at you.

Impossible.

You're a superhero.

Good eye.

I am The Tick, friend of Arthur and foe of the unlawful.

- Bulletproof?

- Nigh-invulnerable.

- Can you fly?

- No, sir.

What do you bench?

[LAUGHS]

No idea.

- [LAUGHS]

- All right.

In here?

Okay.

Everyone, this is Arthur's friend, The Tick.

Hello, everyone.

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Hi.

-Hello.

- Hi.

Arthur, your father here is a sharp fellow.

- He's not my dad, so - No, I am not.

I think it's great you invited a friend, Arthur.

"Friend"?

I don't know about "friend.

" I wouldn't use that term.

More like partners.

Wha [LAUGHS]

- Uh, partners?

- TICK: Dot!

I think it's time we crossed this brain gulf between us and had a meeting of the minds.

[CHUCKLES]

Um, uh, let me just Uh, Arthur, can I just talk to you for a second over here?

- Um, what's he doing here?

- I told him not to come.

Do you know that your superhero friend has been picking fights with the Pyramid g*ng?

How do you know that?

That's not the point.

The point is, he's a superhero.

He's throwing down against criminals.

You can't be involved in that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, okay?

I'm not.

I'll get rid of him, okay?

[QUIETLY] : Okay.

Thank you.

Okay.

Dance to the rhythm This really is good cheese, Walter.

I've done a good amount of reading on the subject.

- Cheese?

- Superheroes.

Ah.

I mean to say I'm a buff of sorts, a follower of the superhero situation in general.

- Always have been since I was a kid.

- Mmm, mmm.

Used to collect the cards and follow my favorites on ESHPN.

- I like you, Walter.

- [CHUCKLES]

Are you defending somewhere in particular right now?

I'm sort of in between defenses at the moment.

Uh, sorting out my past, organizing my future.

And what about the look?

Are you wearing some kind of super-suit then?

Not sure I follow the question there, chum.

I mean, are you wearing some outfit, or is it just you?

[GASPS]

Now, if you wanna funk Whoa.

Arthur, I see your point about family.

The other is the mirror of the self.

Am I never naked?

Or am I never not naked?

Great.

Uh, hey, Tick, don't you have to leave?

- Do I?

- Of course you don't.

- Don't I?

- You are better - than a birthday magician.

- All right!

WALTER: Let's get a picture.

Uh, my cousin Jeff gave me one of those cameras on a stick.

Neat.

Can I get some more cheese?

- WALTER: Of course.

- TICK: Great.

Arthur, I have just one word for you: Gratitude.

Okay.

Gratitude.

Copy that.

Thank you, Dr.

Paul.

[DR.

PAUL MURMURING]

Yes, it's me.

Why is it you?

How did you even know where to find me?

Homeless man in your apartment told me.

Tinfoil Kevin.

You're not welcome here.

Okay?

Because you're not invited, and this is a private event for family and friends, and you, ma'am, are no friend of mine.

[ARTHUR WHIMPERING]

Oh, you have a lovely family.

Don't make me k*ll them.

Arthur, who's this?

[GROANS]

-I'm a friend of Arthur's from the office.

My name is Paloma.

Paloma?

So, you're new at the office?

Because Arthur hasn't mentioned you before.

Very new, very new.

We, um, are just starting to get to know each other.

Arthur.

There you are.

Hey, Tick.

You remember Paloma, my friend from work, right?

Never had the pleasure.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

- Oh!

Little zap.

[TICK LAUGHS]

ARTHUR: Tick.

Are you sure you don't remember Paloma from anyplace before?

You know I'm not a very good rememberer.

I'm sorry.

Arthur and I We need to have a moment.

Would would that be rude?

Not at all.

You two kids go have fun.

[MISS LINT CHUCKLES]

[TICK LAUGHS]

Paloma.

Doesn't that mean "dove"?

TICK: Dot.

Have you heard the good news?

What?

About Arthur and his destiny.

[PHONE BUZZING]

Uh uh, yeah, I, I have to take this.

- Thank you.

- JOAN: Well this is turning into a very colorful party.

[TICK LAUGHS]

Strip.

What-what?

Take that off and put this on.

- Oh.

- Now!

[MUTTERING] : You know, you didn't have to electrocute me if you were just gonna borrow the suit and give it back.

I can't hear you, Wilbur.

I said you didn't have to electrocute me if you were just gonna borrow the suit and give it back.

I'm not giving it back.

It's imprinted on you.

You have to deimprint it so I can use it.

Yeah, well, why do you want to use it?

Unless you're trying to figure out why The Terror wants it?

You think he's still alive.

You you think I'm right.

Shut up or I will cook you like a pizza pocket.

- Hello?

- Dottie, you got time to come by?

What do you mean, "come by"?

You know, drop in, maybe grab some gloves, do a little light surgery.

Neighborhood's been heating up a little.

Got some new folks in town been hitting our friends hard.

I've been getting walk-ins all day.

You're gonna feel a little pressure here.

It was Overkill, man.

I swear to God, it was mother [YELLS]

Overkill!

I'm done.

[OVER PHONE] : I'm going to school to be a doctor, okay?

I can't get caught up in all of this unlicensed, unethical Lucrative.

criminal sh*t.

Seriously, Stosh.

I'm not helping the mob fix its boo-boos anymore.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]

I've been meaning to get this.

It's a book a dog wrote.

[OTHERS AAHING]

Huh!

Where's Arthur?

Is there a menu in your goggles?

ARTHUR: I don't know.

I think it's on sleep mode or something.

[MISS LINT GROANS SOFTLY]

You know, I can help you find The Terror.

Why do you think I kept you alive?

FEMALE VOICE [OVER HELMET] : Foreign object detected.

Now find the fingerprint icon and click it.

Okay.

ARTHUR: Okay, wait, there.

There.

I see it.

Uh, how do I [BEEPING]

Ugh.

I How do you work this thing?

FEMALE VOICE [OVER HELMET]

: Access denied.

Access denied.

Access denied.

Access deni access-access-access access denied.

Access access-access-access Okay, wait, there.

There, there.

I got it.

There.

- Access granted.

- Pozdravy.

Jmenuji se Misha Karamazov.

FEMALE VOICE [OVER HELMET] : Foreign object.

[CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

a ty jsou nyní v drzení mé mé nejpysnejsí ºspech.

What is it?

To doplnuje je zákla [CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

Project Achilles.

[QUIETLY] : Project Achilles.

Is it the fingerprint icon?

- I don't know.

It's a - Turn it off.

- I don't know how to work this thing!

- Turn it off!

I'm trying, okay?!

Let me just [CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

[GROANS]

[CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

[MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH STATIC OVER HELMET]

Project Achilles.

- [ARTHUR GROANS]

- [CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

FEMALE VOICE [OVER HELMET]

: Access-access denied.

- [CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

- Access granted.

Okay, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Got a bead on the suit.

Why am I still standing here?

[PANTING]

Jesus, Frank, get a mint.

Crew's rounded up.

Khufu's gonna meet us with his with his guys.

[PANTING]

You need a minute?

You okay?

[SIGHS] : Yeah.

- [GRUNTS]

- Let's go get this assh*le.

Now, deimprint and click the fingerprint.

[SPEAKING URMANIAN]

No.

[CONTINUES SPEAKING URMANIAN]

[QUIETLY] : Really?

[THUMP UPSTAIRS]

TICK: Oh, what's this?

WALTER: Oh!

Sheepskin slippers.

Check them out, Tick.

Fleecy majesty.

Your toes will slumber in comfort tonight.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, someone turn on the TV quick.

Huh?

Uh [OVER TV] : Monitoring the scene here upstate, it seems the unchecked growth of what authorities have dubbed.

"The Very Large Man" - or "V-L-M" - TICK: That's a big boy.

has continued throughout the night and into today.

Unconfirmed estimates of his height range now from 180 to 200 feet.

Two minutes away, boss.

Lock and load, boys.

- [GRUNTS]

- Give me the damn suit!

I'll tear your head off!

[GRUNTING]

[MISS LINT GROANS]

- Stay back.

- Or what?

- You'll vacuum me to death?

- Back.

[ARTHUR SCREAMS]

[WHISPERS] : No.

[GROANING]

[GROWLS]

Enough, little jerk.

[GROWLS]

[ARTHUR SCREAMING]

Down, down, down, down, down, down!

[SCREAMS]