05x11 - Lady Boss

[bunniefuu]

[tense music]

So you may have heard about the new ownership, but we're still Cloud 9, Zephra is just our new parent company.

And just like any time a new parent comes into the picture, I'm sure it's gonna be smooth sailing.

I think it's cool that Zephra has a lady CEO.

Or should I say "She-E-O"?

You don't need to.

No.

The press release says that the new company's based in California.

Are we all gonna have to start caring about the environment?

No, the buy-out won't interfere with you destroying the planet.

Well, I heard they're turning our stores into fulfillment centers.

Wait, we're gonna get laid off?

- [sighs]

- [indistinct chatter]

Okay, nobody no, guys!

Guys.

Calm down, it's it's all gonna be fine.

Look, Corporate sent over a memo that says, "Cloud 9 is excited about this exciting new chapter full of exciting possibilities.

" An alarming number of times to say "exciting.

" Look, there's no point in speculating about the future.

So let's just calm down, and let me get through shift assignments.

I heard there might be a payout.

- Really?

- Heather, you're in Housewares.

- Well, I wonder how much.

- I heard four grand.

- How?

- Justine just said it.

Rumors travel fast, Garrett.

Elias, if you could please just float between I can't learn Chinese.

Yeah, they're definitely moving us to China.

- That's what I heard.

- [indistinct chatter]

Grocery and Sporting Goods, because we're a little bit short in Okay, you know what?

I'm just gonna put these up in the break room.

They're moving the whole store to China?

Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

So Saint Louis has this program where you can request a free tree, you know to fight climate change, and I figure we owe one.

Jonah, I cut down one tree for Christmas purposes.

Well, I kind of already ordered ten for the parking lot.

We'll have to lose some spaces, but it'll encourage public transportation.

Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this is just not the week for me to tear up the parking lot - You don't have to.

- I'll do it.

Or I'll find someone with a machine.

Look, I know that the union dying was really hard.

- Not dying, just napping.

- Sure.

A-and I'm really glad that you're still looking for something to fight for, but in the last month there's been the voter registration, and the bricks in the toilet for the water conservation, and then that poor dog you rescued from his own backyard.

That yard was a mess, and he was skittish.

Yeah, because a stranger was taking him from his home.

- [sighs]

- It's just It's a lot.

Okay, all right, all right.

I get it.

You're busy, and I'm annoying.

No, no, that is not what I But if you feel that way, I mean, I support you stopping.

Hey, Rodriguez, we have a problem.

I thought I was gonna tell her.

It's my job to report issues to the manager.

Marcus came to me with a problem with Oh, you're gonna laugh, but I've forgotten what it was.

Oh, come on.

We're low on produce.

Our distro guy said we haven't re-upped our contr Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So no new contracts until the acquisition is finalized, which means no produce deliveries, so today we are skewing a little husky.

So we should be fine, but there is a chance that we may have a problem when the weekend kale-heads roll in.

Okay, fine, I'll figure out who I'm supposed to call, and I'll call them.

A-and what do I tell my guys?

With deliveries down, everyone's worried about their jobs.

Just tell 'em that nothing's gonna change.

Probably.

Emphasize "probably.

" It's not reassuring, but it is honest.

All right.

Garrett, do you mind if I use your phone?

My bus driver asked to use mine, and then he put it in his pocket and drove off.

Sure, yeah.

Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you, I got your wedding invitation, and the food options are savory or sweet?

I was kind of hoping to have one followed by the other.

Anyway!

It's 2020.

Finally, right?

When did you mail out invites?

Mine hasn't arrived yet.

Oh, that's weird.

You know the post office; so slow.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter.

You already know my RSVP is yes.

Yay.

[chuckles]

I didn't invite Carol to the wedding.

Yeah, I was able to piece that together.

But I thought you guys were cool?

No.

I mean She's been helping me with wedding stuff, but I'm still a little nervous.

I walked in on her in the bathroom yesterday, and she was practicing smiling.

Okay, you know what?

You're making too big a deal out of this.

You just need to go up to her and go, "Carol, you're not coming to the wedding.

" Wow, what a wordsmith.

You should tell her exactly like that.

Oh, me?

No, I'm not You're right.

It just makes sense since you're Jerry's best man.

Thanks, Garrett.

You don't have to get us a wedding present.

Telling Carol is more than enough.

Oh, hey, that's my phone.

- Girl, you're looking hot.

- Oh, my God.

I love this.

Slow day at the Vision Center?

I'm avoiding Dan today.

He just saw "Fight Club" so he's having a really dated midlife crisis.

Wow.

Cool shirts.

I know, right?

Who knew Cloud 9 would ever catch up to intersectional feminism?

We'll look it up later.

Don't give him the satisfaction.

Although, I do wonder if there's an opportunity here to to kind of make more of a statement out of this?

Instead of just makeup and phones, what if we gave them all computers, you know?

Or or or put them in, like, a science lab, you know?

You know, like, Marie Curie and I her g*ng.

You want to give mannequins jobs?

Never forget how fun you are, Jonah.

Look, everything is so hectic with this acquisition, and I need a floor supervisor, and you are the obvious choice.

- This is such an honor.

- Oh, God.

I'm getting emotional.

I don't know if it's that music that you're playing, but Oh, I'm just on hold with Corporate trying to get more produce into the store.

Oh, shouldn't be a problem today.

It's looking really husky out there.

Right?

So husky.

I know.

Anyway, so you can start right away?

Um, actually, I'm not sure.

It's just that when I supervise, I stress, when I stress, I drink juice, and when I drink juice, I develop Type 2 diabetes, so Could I just think about it for a little while?

Um, okay, yeah.

Sure, take some time.

- Okay.

All right.

- Okay.

It's funny 'cause Tuesday's are usually the husky days.

I know.

[automated voice]

Thank you for calling Cloud 9 Corporate.

There are 97 callers ahead of you.

- [sighs]

- Please continue to hold.

So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out Allow if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive Good job on the display.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

This one's doing stem cell research.

Which obviously doesn't matter, but it matters.

Ah, it's great.

T-shirt activism.

Anytime we cash in on a cause, it always means cha-ching, cha-ching.

That's a cash register.

Yeah, maybe it's a little calculated, but it's it's promoting gender equality.

That's that's a good thing.

- Well, let's take a look.

- Yup, $12. 99.

The similar style in the men's department: $7. 99.

Well, the glitter's probably pretty expensive.

Oh, wake up, Jonah, this is the pink tax in action.

Women have to pay more for clothes, razors, deodorant, I mean, that's why I use dog shampoo.

'Cause I know the truth.

But I mean, this is great.

We're gonna sell a ton of these.

You should be very proud of yourself.

Yeah.

- Whoa, mom, these are cool.

- No, they're not!

We're taking advantage of you.

Not her.

All all girls.

- [exhales]

- Whoa, man.

Did you take all those girly power shirts down?

Oh, yeah.

I-it was problematic.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, so much for "nothing's gonna change," huh?

That new girl CEO isn't wasting much time.

I I don't think there's a connection.

These these had to be ordered way before the acquisition.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, could you direct me to the shirts that say "boy boss"?

Would you want that shirt?

Yeah, zip that baby up underneath the coveralls and feel secretly powerful all day?

My point is, a lot of guys around here feel the same way we do about this stuff.

We we don't feel the same about anything, really.

Hey, you don't have to be ashamed.

I'm not.

You're fighting the good fight.

Nope, different fight.

- Better fight.

- Same team.

It's not a wig.

Even though we want it to be a wig, that's pure Carol.

Oh, no, uh, actually, I got roped in to telling Carol that she's not invited to Sandra's wedding.

Of course she isn't.

She's still into Jerry.

You know, maybe breaking the news to Carol is more of a maid of honor kind of thing?

Sure, I'm great at delivering bad news.

I would've crushed it as a doctor.

It's terminal!

See?

Informational, professional, brief.

Hey, Carol, you're not invited to Sandra's wedding!

I think it just might be awkward, 'cause of your history with Jerry.

Oh, that.

That's all in the past.

Sandra and I are besties now.

There's no way I'm missing that wedding.

I'd rather die.

Press pound and leave a call back number, and we'll contact you soon.

Oh, will you?

Will you contact me soon?

Liar.

Oh, oh, Glenn, Glenn, Glenn!

Oh!

Amy.

Amy Sosa, sorry I didn't see you there.

Have you made a decision about the floor supervisor thing?

I mean, I don't mean to pressure you, but I could really use the help.

I mean, I'm doing all this floor work, and I'm trying to get through to Corporate Well, yes, I've made a decision.

And my decision is - What are you?

- Um - Glenn, why are you - That I That that I need until end of day!

Sure, take your time!

She didn't believe you?

Look, Sandra, I think maybe she needs to hear it from you.

Mostly 'cause, we ain't gonna try again.

We're not.

It's fine.

Carol can go to the wedding, and Jerry and I won't go.

We can have our own secret wedding in our apartment and dance with our cat.

Or maybe there's a slightly less depressing solution, like, we get her to do something else that's better than your wedding.

Like going to a movie.

A really a really good movie.

Oh, come on, Garrett.

It wouldn't have to be that good.

[grunts]

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, I just had to show the other guys what you were doing.

Oh, oh, Marcus, I already told you, I I Hey, you don't have to front.

Okay, Dan's cool.

I mean, he gets it.

He's got ducks all over his tie, he's clearly not cool.

Well, they're mallards, so not just ducks, but yeah.

I get it.

You're fighting back because men are under att*ck.

By shirts?

Yeah, I mean haven't you noticed that the entire women's clothing section just keeps getting bigger?

And now they got these rad shirts that are only made for women?

And they put them right where the Hawaiian shirts used to be.

I was saving up for one.

I was gonna look so chill.

First the radio silence from Corporate, and now this?

It's obvious the new CEO is gonna clean house and only let women work here from now on.

- Well, that would be illegal.

- Exactly!

That's why you have to do something about it.

Women get enough special treatment already.

You ever been in the ladies bathroom?

- There's no pee on the floor.

- None.

Okay, guys, settle down.

I mean, I get that the acquisition and the bathroom floor might have everybody a little bit on edge, but I mean, everybody gets that you guys matter.

We're all good.

You're right.

Guys do matter.

Gotta say, your new cause is unexpected.

Look, this was just kind of a spiraling situation.

This one just says bacon.

Is that their stance?

Bacon?

Yeah, they were really proud of that one.

It wasn't why I was doing it, but I really tapped into something here.

These guys are really freaked out about the acquisition.

Yeah, everybody's freaked out.

It's a freaky time.

Just tell 'em to take it down and get back to work.

But that'd kinda just be like a Band-Aid, wouldn't it?

Yeah, Band-Aids heal things.

Why does everybody hate Band-Aids?

Things are going to bubble up if we don't actually address - the problem here.

- Oh, God.

Maybe, instead, we should make them feel like they're actually being heard.

Give them a voice, you know?

Try and get to the root of what's actually bothering them.

I gotta be honest, that sounds awful.

- What if I change their mind?

- Jonah.

- Come on.

- Give me a chance.

Please, please, give me a chance.

Just one chance.

Amy.

Okay, fine, I will call a meeting.

- Yes!

- Thank you so much.

Why are the Hawaiian shirts out again?

Because it's my time, Amy.

Carol, so, um I ended up buying these tickets to Whitney Houston's hologram tour, but they're on the same day as my wedding.

Do you want 'em?

No, thanks.

I liked Whitney as an actor, but as a singer, not so much.

That's so lucky, because this is a tour of her hologram just acting out scenes from movies.

Anyway, here, I'll save you some cake.

Sandra, did Dina and Garrett put you up to this?

Wh what?

No.

I mean, they might have They're trying to control your wedding.

They told me I'm not invited.

Can you believe that?

Carol, this isn't easy for me to say, but you're Right.

They probably tricked me.

That's probably what happened.

Yeah.

Okay, thank you everybody for coming!

It has recently come to my attention that there are some men in the store who have some issues you would like to discuss.

What do men have to complain about?

Their beauty standers are way lower, their clothes are designed for comfort, and they never had to watch "Sex in the City.

" That is a good point, Dina.

It does sort of feel society is set up by and for men, and that any complaint really just sounds like whining is what I hear Dina saying.

Yeah, okay, hey, you know what?

Why don't we set some ground rules so that everyone feels like they've got a safe space that they can Nope, nope.

I'm not saying squat in anything called a "safe space.

" What if we call it "the Octagon.

" - Aw, hell yeah.

- There you go.

- Yeah, yeah.

- What does that mean?

- Yeah, whatever they wanna - Okay, yeah, fine.

Welcome to the Octagon.

Welcome to the Octagon!

And just to be clear: you will not be judged here in the Octagon.

Right?

Just want to make sure I'm safe.

["Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton plays]

Just call me angel of the morning Angel Just touch my cheek So I'm paying, and then my wife comes up and tickles me right in front of my mechanic.

[grumbling]

And she knew what she was doing.

Thank you, so much, Dan, for sharing, um, but perhaps going forward, we could all focus on on the issues that we have here at at work.

Well, it affects my work.

- It does.

- It really does.

Amy, do you want to weigh in here?

No, I think it's okay for you to run this one by yourself.

Okay, great.

Great, great.

Uh, gentlemen, it sounds to me like, uh, a lot of these frustrations stem from a sense of powerlessness.

Which historically, has been something that women have had to deal contend with.

Yeah, but they're not powerless anymore.

I mean, Amy and Dina run the frickin' store.

And now the new CEO?

All men have left are the NFL and the country.

- That's right!

- Yeah!

- [grumbling and chatter]

- Guys, look, feminism can exist without this feeling that something is being taken away from you, you know?

And and and honestly, if you listen to to what the women are saying What?

What are the women saying, Jonah?

Right, yes, yeah, yeah.

That's a good that's a good point.

I think we should probably hear a few more, uh, female voices.

I'll give you a female voice.

My wife: "Do this, do that.

Ugh, I'm Donna!" [men laughing]

[laughing]

I know I'm not being a very good feminist right now, but I've met his wife, and that was spot on.

Personally, I'm not a feminist.

- What?

- Yeah, I just think that men and women should be treated equally.

Yeah, Cheyenne, that's what feminism means.

Oh, well, now I wish I was a feminist.

Okay, I've heard what you all are saying, um, but as a father of a daughter Listen up, ladies, father of a daughter talking.

Thank you.

Of course I want the world to be better for Rose, but I want it to stay the same for me.

Is that too much to ask?

- That's all I want.

- [indistinct chatter]

Yes, that's the problem.

Okay, okay, okay!

This is great, this is healthy, this is this is we're we're dialoguing.

Okay.

Yeah, it feels kinda good.

I mean, you know, I know I say I'm mad, but the truth is, I'm scared.

I need this job.

My wife would leave me if I couldn't provide for her, and I don't blame her.

Yes, yes, yes, this is store 1217.

Ozark Highlands.

- Oh, my God.

- Are you on the phone?

Uh, just give me one second, please.

- Amy.

- Yeah, I've been on hold all day long, just trying to get an answer to your question, actually.

This man has dumped his guts out all over the floor, and you're on the phone.

Guys, she is not listening to us.

We need to make her listen!

We're not gonna take it, no, we ain't gonna take it We're not gonna take it anymore Hey, guys, I'm pretty sure there are some sections in the store that need covering.

Hey, Marcus, put some pants on.

I bet you wouldn't say that if I was a woman wearing my underwear.

Uh, yeah I would.

Sorry, I meant, uh, a woman wearing her own underwear.

Like, "my underwear.

" Like, "I'm a woman, wearing women's underwear.

" - Okay, just stop.

- No, you're making this weird.

- No, you're making it weird.

- Just touch my underwear.

Okay, I know that this looks bad, but I have an idea - No.

- No, no, just hear me out No.

No!

No more.

I have bent over backwards all day long to make men feel comfortable.

- These guys, Glenn, you.

- Me?

Yes, you.

Jonah, I wasted my afternoon in that meeting just to go along with your new cause, and I know you feel bad about the union, and I'm sorry about that, but making men feel better is not my job!

Okay, calm up, you come up with the best ideas.

This ends now.

[sighs]

But first, can you sneak me a burger?

With cheese.

So I've been doing some thinking, and I want Carol to be my co-maid of honor.

- And you're good with this?

- Uh-huh.

Why are you looking at Carol?

- I'm not.

- You are.

Do you not feel your eyes moving?

What's wrong with your head?

I'm good with this.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I'm gonna make sure this wedding is unforgettable.

Ah, it's not the worst idea.

I mean, she's clearly more invested than I am.

- We can go now.

- Okay.

- This way.

- Oh, this way.

- [sighs]

- Oh, nice to have you, man.

Didn't think you'd come on over.

Yeah, I had a change of heart.

I got tired of all the guff.

Okay, guys, so enough's enough!

Back to work!

- [laughing]

- Yeah, right.

Excuse me, I don't work for you, and we don't have to listen to women anymore, right?

We could have a second glass of wine with dinner if we want.

- Yep.

- Yeah!

Wow, uh, anybody else?

Glenn, you you look like you were you about to say something?

I wanna say something!

Amy, us men of the store are tired of taking orders from a woman.

- Men: Yeah!

- He's right.

And I think it's time that a man was in charge here.

- Hell yeah it is!

- Men: Yeah!

Huh, you know, that's a good point.

You could finally make a man floor supervisor.

Yeah, Amy, I insist that you make me floor supervisor.

It's high time that a man was third in charge here.

I was floor supervisor.

Third in charge again, as one was recently!

[clapping and agreement]

It's not enough.

It's something, besides my legs are really cold.

Hey, guys, I did get the shirt.

Yes, but I mean, is this what everyone wanted?

My kid's in a play.

All right, fine, okay, all right, fine, go ahead.

Okay Amy, we'll take it.

Okay, then I guess from now on you all answer to Glenn.

A man.

[all cheer]

Who will report to me and it's a victory for men everywhere.

Now get back to work.

Good dialoguing.

I feel like you really moved the needle today guys.

Oh my god you guys!

I've been reading about feminism Did you know that women make less money than men?

Wow.

That is [bleep]

up.