16x11 - A Hard Pill to Swallow

[bunniefuu]

MEREDITH: Almost half of this country doesn't go to the doctor when they should.

Many don't have access, but a lot of others, they just don't want to.

- The end's in sight now - Ooh - No one left behind - Ooh - And you don't ask why - Ooh We all are safe here Because they don't believe anything is actually wrong.

AMELIA: Illuminating exchange.

Any Maggie sightings today?

Uh, well, I sent Zola up with food.

She refused it.

We'll know when to push.

I wish I could just stay in bed.

[SIGHS]

I actually might.

I might go back to bed.

No.

Not doing that.

I'm gonna be brave.

I'm gonna face this.

First chance I get.

Rigorous honesty.

What are we talking about?

In the spotlight Stand up, cuz, you're in the spotlight Um may I?

You were made for it - I'm Cormac Hayes.

- Amelia.

And God, yes.

I-I mean yes, that is very helpful.

Ooh Dr.

Grey.

Morning.

Hello.

Coffee?

Ooh Me?

- Yeah.

- No, I'm good.

Thanks.

Very good coffee for a hospital.

Or for anywhere, really.

Yeah, Seattle is kind of known for its coffee.

It's, uh, better at the cart outside.

Right.

Noted and appreciated.

That is a very well-wrapped gift.

Ooh La, la, la - La, la, la - Hey!

Plastics needs to look at the facial lac in bed 6.

MVC victim in trauma 2 is about to go up to CT.

I've got ortho on the way to assess the girl in bed 4.

- Dr.

Altman?

- Yeah?

Uh, what are you doing?

I lost my engagement ring.

Oh.

Oh, no!

Isn't that, like, some sort of Hunt family heirloom?

Yes.

Ugh.

That's why I never take mine off except for surgery.

I'll I'll keep an eye out.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON P. A. ]

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

You told me to take some time to think, which I didn't like, because two people who are together should think through things together.

[SIGHS]

Look, I-I did a routine lap appy on a patient, and she's not getting better.

She's post op day three, she's fevering, she's got a high white count.

I did a sepsis workup.

It all came back negative.

Okay, well, I'll think on it.

In the meantime, I think you should fill Bailey in.

Yeah.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

Hey.

You know, I didn't dump you, Meredith, so you don't have to miss me.

Coffee smells good.

[GASPS]

You okay?

Coffee smells bad?

Uh baby's kicking?

You woke up this morning with a deep knowing I'm not fatherhood material?

Link, I hate this.

I I'm not sure that I have the ability to convey how much I hate this.

But I promise you, no blood test can change the way I feel about you.

It's just a matter of some cells.

I still have no idea what you're talking about.

[SIGHS]

I am more pregnant than I thought.

Okay?

Which means there is a chance that you aren't the father.

It took me a few days to work up the nerve to tell you.

We're talking about Owen, right?

Yeah.

Does he know?

I'm talking to you first.

Because I don't need a paternity test to know that I want to be with you.

I love what we have.

I love your kindness and I love our ease and I love that you make me laugh all the time and you have yet to make me cry.

I'm in love with you, Link.

And the genetics don't matter to me.

But I have been sitting with it for a few days, and you haven't.

So Take some time to think.

Welcome back, Dr.

Bailey.

Quick update on the residents We've removed Simms' trach and started him on a soft diet.

Helm's chest tubes were removed, and she actually took a couple steps today with PT.

Parker left for neural rehab, and Schmitt was discharged with a couple weeks' medical leave.

Sounds like you're pretty busy.

Yeah, I am.

So, why are you glued to my side right now?

I was hoping you could weigh in on an appy patient of mine.

She's post-op day three.

She's been giving me more questions than answers.

Mm.

Lead the way.

Dr. Bailey.

A funny thing happened yesterday.

I came to your office for a budget meeting, and you weren't there.

I took some personal days.

Even when half your residents are on bedpans?

That's great timing, Chief.

I asked some of the other departments to lend us some residents for surgical floor and ICU coverage.

They were happy to help.

Even so, next time you want to take a vacay, run it up the flagpole, as in me.

[UKULELE PLAYING]

D Uh, thank you.

- Mom?

- SUZANNE: Yes, honey?

Can I be done?

Just a few more times, sweet girl.

You got this.

- Oh.

It's her therapy.

- [UKULELE STOPS]

I know it looks nuts.

Mei Li was adopted from an orphanage, and she was recently diagnosed with attachment disorder, so we've been doing this crawling therapy because it's supposed to rewire her brain.

But you got to do it every day, and you got to be super consistent with it every day.

Hi.

I'm her sister.

It was an appendectomy.

You said it went without a hitch.

So, um, why are we still here?

- Take this.

Please.

- [SPRAY HISSES]

She's been spiking fevers every night.

Yeah, I know.

I'm asking why.

And I have brought our chief of surgery to help determine that.

- Uh, here.

You, too, sweetheart.

Here.

- [SPRAY HISSES]

Dr.

Bailey, Suzanne Britland.

- Hi.

- BAILEY: Good morning.

Ms. Britland, how are you feeling?

- She has a sore throat.

- She has a sore throat.

It's just a little sore.

I'm probably just getting a cold.

It could still be from the intubation.

Could be.

I know that the answer is probably "no," but is there any way you could just send me home with some antibiotics?

Not until you've been fever-free for 24 hours.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's just, the kids are missing so much school.

Well, I can take them to school.

- No!

- No!

Okay.

It's okay.

Their dad d*ed last year.

He had a migraine, and then when it got really bad, we took him to the ER, and the doctors told us we could go home and he would be fine, and then he very much wasn't.

We are running a fresh set of labs, and we hope to know more soon.

Okay.

[SMOOCHES]

Dr.

Grey.

Hey.

So, elephant in the room I'm not sure what Cristina said to you, but - Who?

- I Never mind.

Who did you say?

Never mind.

Are you coming to the pit?

- What?

- The pit.

- The what?

- The ER.

You call the ER "the pit"?

- Yeah.

- Why?

I don't know.

[KAI COUGHING]

Oh, my God!

Kai?

What's happening to him?

What do we know?

17 years old.

He came in with shortness of breath.

He just started coughing up blood.

- We need suction and an intubation tray.

- Help him, please!

We should set up for an emergency bronchoscopy also.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

The door is frosted, and the curtains were drawn.

You can't see inside.

Was I wrong?

What are you doing here?

Um, well, I was thinking about taking you to breakfast, but, uh, now that I see you, um, I'm thinking eat in.

How's pancakes sound?

What?

I didn't know you could cook.

Please.

Hey!

Hey.

What's, uh What are we Oh.

Oh, wait.

Are you meditating?

- I'm sorry.

I can - No.

No, I was Amelia said the baby might be Owen's.

What?

EVAN: Somebody help me, please!

All these blue pajamas, I can't get any help over here?!

- Oh, sorry.

The ER's this way.

- What happened?

We'll go get your hand fixed up, and I promise you can punch me.

Okay, what happened?

I'm trying to rush Chuck to the ER, and I accidentally slammed his hand in the cab's door.

Wait.

Why were you rushing to the ER?

Oh, because of the fish.

[GASPING RASPILY]

There's a fish inside of there.

What, like like, part of a fish or a bone or No, an entire fish, sir.

[GASPING CONTINUES]

- Okay, Link, with you - Later.

Spilling blood everywhere.

Kai's bronchoscopy was surprisingly clean.

We didn't see any bleeding in his lungs, just some inflammation.

Isn't that good news?

Not exactly.

Dr. Grey did an EGD.

She found the source of the bleed in his esophagus.

We're just not sure exactly why he's bleeding.

Everything was normal at practice.

He started hacking up like crazy.

I mean, Kai's never sick.

Kai's the best on the team.

He's got the fastest 200 in the school's history.

Does he drink or smoke?

No way.

All he cares about is his swimming.

This bleeding You can stop it?

We stopped it long enough to get your son up to CT, so we'll keep you posted, okay?

All the places in the world to put food and yet, no food.

How do you people eat here?

Three kids who eat like a pack of wolves.

Richard, you don't have to do this.

What am I doing here?

Forgiving me or or putting me back together.

Whatever this is.

It's called eating.

And I don't deserve it.

Especially not from you.

We just hired an amazing psychologist at Pac-North.

She's excellent with sur With surgeons who k*ll their cousins and get sued by their uncles?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

I'm sorry.

I'm I shouldn't I I'm useless and mean and depressed and awful.

This is why I just I want to be alone.

Can Can we just go back to that?

Can we go back to you just not even being able to look at me?

Maybe we start with coffee.

Hey.

Hey!

- Hey.

- Hi!

[CHUCKLES]

What are you doing here?

I am on my day off, and I want to take you for lunch, and I want to see you.

And I want to talk wedding plans.

- That's so sweet.

- Mm-hmm.

Mm.

[SOBS]

I'm sorry.

I lost your engagement ring.

I lost the ring that your grandfather brought back from France after he helped liberate Paris.

And I knew that this is such an important ring to your family, and I wasn't gonna tell you, but then I knew that you were obviously gonna notice and Teddy, Teddy, stop crying.

It's okay.

It's okay.

No!

No!

It's It's not.

It's not okay.

This ring means everything to you.

Maybe a little.

More to my mom.

You know, she's gonna k*ll me.

- Or you.

- [SOBS]

S-She's not gonna know, okay?

We're not gonna say anything because we are going to find it.

[SNIFFLES]

Okay?

Okay, we'll look together.

Okay?

Okay.

[SNIFFLES]

JACKSON: All right, what happened, exactly?

The bar had an aquarium.

All right, so we're winding down Chuck's bachelor party.

You know what I'm saying?

It's his bachelor party.

So, we start daring each other to swallow fish from the aquarium.

You know how it is End of the night?

- Yeah.

- No.

Okay.

I honestly worry for your entire gender sometimes.

Anyway, he grabbed the biggest one.

We didn't think he was gonna do it.

We're like, "He ain't about to do it.

" He gulps the whole damn fish, and I guess the fish didn't like that, so the fish start fighting back, start slapping just start going crazy, and it goes in deeper, deeper.

We tried to pull it out.

It would not come out.

And then it kind of puffed up.

That doesn't sound like a goldfish.

Yeah.

No.

And according to this X-ray, this thing's got spikes.

And then I got scared because I thought he was gonna choke or puke.

Or that the fish could be poisonous.

I didn't even think of that.

I'm-a call the bar, see what kind of fish it was.

[GASPING]

You think you'd have better luck just writing it down?

Oh, yeah.

Write it down.

"Please don't tell Roxanne.

" Yeah, that's his fiancée.

She told us not to do anything stupid.

- Hey.

- SUZANNE: having a talent for something.

Great.

Okay, what do we got next?

Ooh.

"Penultimate.

" Uh, uh I don't know.

"Guys, that was the penultimate concert.

" Wait, was it the second-to-last concert you ever saw?

'Cause "penultimate" means "second-to-last.

" It does not mean "super-extra ultimate.

" - Mom, the doctors.

- What?

Really?

Vocab homework.

Did you know that "penultimate" means - "Second-to-last.

" - Yeah, I knew that.

Excellent.

Any chance you also know what's wrong with my sister?

Well, the labs showed your white counts are way up again.

It's likely just an abscess developing in your abdomen.

We'd like to monitor you one more night, get a CT in the morning if things don't improve.

- No!

- No more days!

Okay, come on, guys.

We listen to the doctors.

We are not big fans of hospitals, 'cause, you know last time.

So, we are keeping brave faces, but we would very much like for last night to be my penultimate night in the hospital.

Ding, ding, ding!

See, that is the correct usage.

Lock it in, Matty.

Well, I can't see why we need to wait, so, DeLuca, let's get her a CT now.

Okay.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]

His friend called the bar.

The bronze catfish.

The spines do give off a low-level toxin when att*cked by other fish.

Or being swallowed by a dumb-ass human.

[SIGHS]

But it's not enough to worry about, so - So - [WATER RUNNING]

you're not freaking out?

What?

- No.

- [WATER STOPS]

No, it doesn't really change anything, right?

Except for, like, everything.

If it's Owen's kid, he's gonna want to be in his life.

He's gonna want to raise him, right?

Allison's awesome, so Owen's got great genes, he's a veteran dad by now, and he's engaged to Teddy, so the kid'll have, like, eight parents.

[CHUCKLES]

It's all hypothetical, anyway.

Amelia doesn't want a paternity test.

She says it doesn't matter.

Wai What?!

And you're okay with that?

Oh, wait, wait, are you doing that thing where you pretend to be all cool and evolved and optimistic but you're secretly losing your mind?

Nope.

- You can love her - [WATER RUNNING]

And be mad at her at the same time.

- [WATER STOPS]

- Both things can be true.

Yesterday, I made coffee in here, and then I washed my hands.

So, you're sure that it's here?

I think.

Wait.

Wait.

You think?

Teddy, are we even in the right lounge?

Yes, yes, because I showed it to Meredith in here, and she said that it was beautiful.

Well, that's great.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, hey.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

You're operating on a sink.

Yeah, we're looking for a ring.

You haven't seen one, by chance, have you?

No.

Uh, maybe we should, um, maybe we should call maintenance.

Yep.

I don't think it's down here.

[GRUNTS]

Okay.

Are you okay?

Hey.

U-Uh dizzy.

A little dizzy.

It happens with, um anxiety.

- You You should sit down.

- Yes.

I think I should sit down, too.

[SIGHS]

Why are you anxious?

I-I'm worried about [CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

your ring.

- [SIGHS]

Teddy?

- Yeah?

Leo just threw up all over daycare.

- We should - [SIGHS]

[MACHINE HUMMING]

I've got a couple of boys at home this age.

I had to read a whole book about how their brains haven't fully developed yet.

It's the only way I could manage to forgive them.

For what?

Everything they do.

[CHUCKLES]

I came home the other night, and the oldest one was throwing a tennis ball as hard as he could over and over at the younger one's head.

The game was, could his brother dodge it before he got brain damage?

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry.

I shouldn't laugh at that.

Listen, Grey, uh the other day it was kind of a tough day for me.

I get a bit dark this time of year because it's, um [VOICE BREAKING]

it's when I lost their mum.

Cancer.

So, um you know, I hope we can start over.

Sure.

How long ago did she pass?

Uh, two years ago last week.

Two years is tough.

Yeah.

Gets better.

Not all the way better, obviously, but a little bit better.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Look at the inflammation in his lungs.

I mean you said he was an athlete.

These are the lungs of a 60-year-old smoker.

I've seen this before.

I bet you a naggin he vapes.

DANIEL: Vaping?

No way!

He follows all the training rules.

This is no time for secrets, lads.

If you know something I mean, yeah.

He vapes.

Half the school does, though.

And, I mean, it wouldn't hurt him.

It's not like smoking.

How is it not like smoking?

There's no smoke.

Your lungs are meant to inhale air, not smoke and not vapors filled with chemicals.

Look.

See there?

That's what a normal lung looks like.

That's your mate's lungs.

Does that look safe to you?

- Damn.

That's disgusting.

- [CHUCKLES]

Disgusting?

It's more than disgusting.

People are dying from this stuff.

Go and tell your friends.

I mean it!

Go!

Go and tell half the school they're turning their lungs into rubbish dumps.

Get out of my face!

Go!

You said "dying.

" Is my son dying?

No.

He's not.

But with his lungs in this bad a shape, our only definitive option is to repair the esophagus and remove part of the lung.

Remove p Well, it's not our only option.

I mean, we could try to stop the bleeding by coiling the artery.

Then he would lose less lung capacity.

Yes, but it might not be enough to prevent more bleeding in the future.

That's true.

But if it were my kid, I guess I would just rather take the least invasive option and try to not cut a piece of the lung out.

That sounds safer.

It is safer, and it preserves lung function.

Then that's what I want.

Okay.

We'll get back to you.

In that case, Dr.

Grey, I'll defer to you.

Well, no.

I mean, I didn't mean that I No, please.

You should do it.

Okay.

Rubbish dumps, huh?

You really like terrifying these parents.

[SIGHS]

I was trying to terrify the kids.

Richard, I just want to be alone.

I want to be alone, too.

But I came here to find out why you quit.

[SCOFFS]

Maggie, you're family, and you're hurting, and you're hiding because you lost Sabi.

You've lost patients before.

Not like this.

Maggie, she was practically dead when she came in.

Her only sh*t was with you.

Richard let's not pretend Look, the reason I couldn't look at you isn't because of what you did to Sabi.

It's because of what I did to you.

I I sent you in there.

I knew that it was likely that you would lose her, but I wanted to give her a fighting chance.

She wasn't a lost cause, Richard.

I made a mistake.

I didn't check her AC with the perfusionist.

I, uh, I didn't know that the protocol was different at Pac-North.

I just assumed they'd tell me, and they didn't.

Sabi is dead because I didn't ask.

I told her I was the best, I told her I was brilliant, and I-I couldn't even be clear in my OR.

I was arrogant, and I was blinded by emotion, and now Sabi is dead.

And I can't change it, and I can't fix it.

And I can't go back into an OR and pretend I belong there after what I've done.

Please, just go.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Please.

- What'd he have for breakfast?

- Oatmeal.

He probably caught something from that kid Lucas.

I swear, he is Patient Zero for half this hospital.

[INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES SHARPLY]

You know, getting an X-ray probably wasn't even necessary.

Well, you said that he didn't seem like himself this morning.

Well, I say a lot of things.

- See?

- What?

You are mad at me about the ring.

I'm not mad.

I'm just You are.

You're practically biting the air as you speak.

What?

I'm Images should be coming up now on the monitor right there.

Great.

Thank you.

[BABBLES]

- Is that - Yep.

Oh, Leo.

You ate my ring.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

Okay.

There it is.

Deploying the coil.

Nice.

Steady coming back.

You know, if you wanted to do this yourself, I did offer you the option.

I didn't want to do it myself.

This isn't the first time I've seen lungs destroyed by this stuff.

That's how I recognized it.

Very often, there is a rebleed.

[ALARMS BEEPING]

Yep.

There it is.

Damn it!

The tube's only a temporary fix.

We need to open him up.

Okay, wait a minute, because maybe I can deploy another coil.

He doesn't have a minute.

The coils have failed.

This is exactly what I was talking about.

Prep his chest for a thoracotomy.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry.

Tried it your way.

Now help me with mine.

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

JACKSON: [SIGHS]

Damn it.

It keeps breaking into smaller pieces.

Every time I think I've seen the craziest, dumbest things a person can do the ER's just like, "Hold my beer.

" Maybe he had reservations.

Maybe this is the sort of thing he would never do in a million years, but he was in the moment.

He was feeling good and and and happy, and his friends had just thrown him this great party, and he didn't want to let them down.

So, he was just in this impossible situation that couldn't be avoided.

Except if he just didn't swallow the fish, man.

Right.

Okay.

Drill.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SUCTION]

Stapler.

Good exposure of the fistula.

Full disclosure This isn't the first time I've had the debate about whether to coil or resect, either.

No?

So, I was wrong but I'm not alone?

- Thanks.

- No.

Last time, I was on your side.

- Woman in her 40s, vaped like a chimney.

- [SUCTION]

I was convinced I could coil and stop the bleeding, even though my colleague adamantly disagreed.

I didn't even get as far as you did before everything went sideways.

Specimen.

[SUCTION]

Who was the colleague?

Head of the Klausman Institute.

Dr.

Yang.

Absolute nightmare.

- [MACHINE WHIRRING]

- Oh, wow.

I do not like it in here.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

Feels like the inside of a coffin.

You know, I've never actually been in a coffin, but this is definitely how I pictured it feeling.

[CLICK]

We're almost done here, Suzanne.

[CLICK]

There's no signs of abscess in the right lower quadrant.

So, whatever this is, it's likely not your screw-up.

Oh.

So, I-I heard right.

Nurse told me my chief was doing follow-ups on an appy.

Seemed too crazy to be true, but here we are.

I guess it makes sense, though.

Ease yourself back into the real work.

Y Everything okay?

Not really, but thanks for asking.

[MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY]

What?

- I'm calling a code.

- Oh, get her out.

Get her out!

Code Blue.

Code Blue.

Blood pressure's dropping.

Mm.

JVD.

And muffled heart sounds.

She's got cardiac tamponade.

She's not gonna make it to the OR.

We need to aspirate her right here.

Okay, give me an 18 gauge needle on a syringe.

Betadine.

Come on, Suzanne.

Inserting the needle.

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

Come on.

Come on!

Come on.

Suzanne, come on!

Those kids need you.

I managed to remove all the spines.

You're likely gonna experience some discomfort in your throat for the next few days.

And your hand is repaired.

Uh, but I need to have you follow up with me in a couple of weeks.

Hey, so, you guys, uh You guys are smart.

You're doctors, right?

So, how do I tell Roxanne?

I mean, what should I tell my fiancée?

Maybe just tell her the truth.

She might think it's hilarious.

No, she definitely won't think it's hilarious.

I don't know, man.

She looked past that time you crashed her Volvo into that pond or when you sorta got her dad arrested.

No known predators, Chuck!

Hey, babe!

[GROANS]

The bronze catfish has no known predators, Chuck!

She knows.

- Would you two like a little privacy?

- Yeah.

No known predators.

That means you have worse survival instincts than any other creature on Earth!

You are dumber than a turtle!

Y-You are dumber than a chicken!

You are dumber than a frog!

- Is he gonna live?

- He'll be fine.

You may have to modify the tux to fit over the cast.

No, there's not gonna be any kind of tux.

I just needed to know that he was gonna survive this so that I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving him.

Whoa!

Babe, I come on.

I mean, they they dared me.

Last month, my mother offered me $10,000 to push the wedding back a year.

One year.

I told her no!

I said it was just 'cause she couldn't see you for who you are.

But it turns out it was me.

I couldn't see you for who you are because the sex is good and because you make me laugh.

And I just keep excusing your unbelievable stupidity.

I keep making excuses for you.

You about to leave him?

Because I ate a catfish?

Damn it.

No.

I am leaving you because this is not the life that I want.

And when someone shows you who they are over and over, you're supposed to believe them.

The CT revealed no abscess or infection from the surgery, but there was fluid around her heart, which we were able to remove.

So, she's okay?

She's gonna be okay?

It was a temporary measure.

Unfortunately we still don't know the cause.

Well, how long 'til you do know?

We're sending the fluid we aspirated from the heart to the lab.

We'll also send new blood cultures.

W-We'll keep looking, but at this point, we just don't know.

I-I'm so sorry.

- Mommy, Mommy!

- Mei Mei!

- Oh, no, no, no, no!

- Hey, hey!

Come back!

You can't go in there!

Mommy, I want to go home.

Let's go home.

BAILEY: Okay, back away from her, Mei Li.

- I'm sorry.

We can't risk infection.

- DELUCA: Hey.

Sweet girl, look at me.

Look at me.

I'm here.

I'm alive.

I'm not dying.

[VOICE BREAKING]

I'm not sick like Daddy was sick.

And these doctors Oh, baby girl, these doctors They are the best.

They're the smartest.

They're gonna figure this out.

It's walking out on a wire Right?

- Thanks.

- I'm sorry.

Right?

[VOICE BREAKING]

Are you gonna figure this out?

It can turn ya into a fool, it can feel so cruel Oh, boy.

You guys have been through so much already.

I can see that.

Uh, and and yes.

We are going to figure this out.

Put every brain on this you can find.

Create a w*r room.

We're not letting that mother die.

You hear me?

I'm on it.

It can give you hell Or pull ya through it - [DOOR OPENS]

- Yeah, hope may disappoint us But we hold on anyway What is this?

It's called food.

Let's see what it's like to actually eat some.

How did you even get in here?

You know, you all should really move that spare key to under a more convenient rock.

I nearly threw my back out.

Please.

Please, just just yell, just be mad at me.

Okay, I liked her.

I-I-I really loved the idea of finally having one of those big families like I saw all my friends growing up with when I was a kid, and I only got her for one day, and then she was gone.

But you you lost your niece.

And probably your brother.

I destroyed your family, and they deserve to sue me for everything that I've got.

Why don't you make yourself useful and open the flour, would you?

Guess I can see who I inherited my distaste for sharing my emotions from.

When, uh I was only 10 years old when my mother d*ed.

I don't remember much, you know, but I remember I was temperamental sometimes.

[SCOFFS]

A "hot head," she called it.

But she wouldn't send me to a time-out or make me sit and think about what I've done.

She would go to the kitchen and she would make us both some pancakes, and she'd say, "Let's talk about it after you've had something to eat.

" She didn't get a chance to teach me much.

But it's a lesson I'll never forget.

[SIGHING]

Ah, let's see.

I've been doing it over and over again.

I've been going over every second of Sabi.

I've been replaying in my mind and just wondering what I could have done better, smarter faster.

It's not on you.

Family doesn't operate on family, Maggie.

I knew better.

I put you in that OR anyway out of desperation.

I made a mistake.

And now Sabi is dead.

And you'll never make that mistake again.

That's what you say to interns who who have lost their first patient, not to [SIGHS]

They're human.

And imperfect.

Like you.

No one has ever had to tell me that before.

Then let Sabi's legacy be that.

She taught you what years of school and residency and countless hours never did.

Maggie, you have insurance for this.

They'll settle with Chris.

It won't bring Sabi back, but he'll feel like he's got some justice for her.

And he needs that.

Every surgeon I know goes through this.

And if you quit now, you'll be quitting on all those lives that only you can save.

And I know Sabi wouldn't want that.

I wish I could've had more time with her.

Well, ask me anything you want about her.

No.

Richard, I am not gonna make you No, you know, truth be told, talking about her is about the only thing I want to do right now.

Okay, you don't have to stay if you need to check in downstairs.

No, I'm staying.

I feel awful.

Listen, we know where the ring is, Teddy, and it's not perforating anything.

He's gonna be fine.

I mean, kids do this kind of stuff, you know?

We see cases like this all the time.

I know, Owen, but I feel awful.

I mean, your grandmother and your mom all wore the ring, and it's survived in your family for years, through wars and depressions, and I couldn't even keep it for a week.

'Cause you're tired and overworked, you know?

Could have been a lot worse.

You know, at least you didn't leave it inside a patient.

Yeah, well, now it's inside our child.

[CHUCKLES]

Teddy, I shouldn't have given you the ring in the first place.

You're a trauma surgeon.

No, but I-I want to wear the ring.

I love the ring.

And And I-I love you.

Okay.

- You have a necklace.

- Mm-hmm.

And you have an A for Allison and an L for Leo.

How about we add a T and an O and you can wear your entire family around your neck?

Okay?

And we're gonna keep that ring in a safe for special occasions, okay?

I have never loved you more.

Do you smell that?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Rock You know what?

I got it.

This one's on me.

- You sure?

- Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause it's - I know.

Go.

- [LAUGHS]

- Let's do this.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Kai's condition was too advanced to successfully coil the bleeding vessel, so we had to open him up, do the partial lung resection.

It's going to be a difficult recovery.

In time, he will be able to swim, but not competitively, I'm afraid.

That stuff It's flavored like French toast, right?

Mm-hmm.

I always smell French toast.

I feel like an idiot I didn't know.

They're targeting kids.

It's flavored like cotton candy and bubble gum, as well.

You're not an idiot.

They're evil.

Thank you for saving my son.

Don't worry.

I won't rub it in.

I'm sorry.

[CHUCKLES]

Listen, when I was on the other side of this, Yang drove me mad.

She'd leave me notes all over the place every day for months.

"I was right.

You were wrong.

" Little pictures of resected lungs.

Well, sounds about right.

Wait, you know her?

I, um W Um I gotta go.

MEREDITH: Most patients put off facing the truth as long as possible.

And we get it.

We do it, too.

We ignore things.

We stay under the covers.

We don't pick up the phone.

Ah.

I thought you'd have some work to catch up on.

You You probably need to do some unpacking, shake the sand out from the beach, do some laundry I wasn't on vacation, Tom.

I sat in my house for three days.

I didn't get out of bed, I drank chamomile tea, and I cried my eyes out because I had a miscarriage.

That happened, I'm sad about it, and I'm taking care of myself.

Any questions?

- You could have told me.

- I just did.

W Light a candle.

What?

When my wife Uh, my ex-wife, uh, Dana She miscarried twice before we had David.

Once at 10 weeks, once at 18, which was Well, I mean, you know You know how it was.

I mean, people have this idea that, uh you just get over it, that, uh, you know, you're sad and you move on.

But that wasn't my experience.

Wasn't my wife's experience.

So every year, still, uh, on what would be their birthdays, I, uh, I light a candle.

They took with them little pieces of our hearts, and those pieces will never be replaced.

So, maybe, uh light a candle.

Yeah.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

We don't face the music and all that crap.

Mamma, you have shown me love You paged me to the plant room.

Never a good sign.

[CHUCKLES]

When someone shows you who they are, you're supposed to believe them.

Someone said that today, and it it kinda hit me.

We're doctors.

There are tests.

If there was a question who the father was, I should have known that from the beginning.

You're right.

I'm not always measured.

I'm not ever measured.

I'm a little bit chaotic.

I fly by the seat of my pants, and I don't think things all the way through, and sometimes that hurts people.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

Nothing here could block your truth There are a bunch of people involved in this.

And they deserve to know.

I deserve to know.

I'm captured by the good you do And if we do find out that you're not the father?

I want to be the guy that says, uh, it doesn't matter, but I don't know yet.

I don't know how much it matters.

I guess I-I think we should take it one step at a time.

Gather information.

So much for me never making you cry.

But the longer we hide, the worse it can be.

So, open the test results.

Hey.

Have the hard conversation.

I got your text.

Say what you mean.

Hey, maybe we should go to dinner and clear your head a little bit.

Her name's Suzanne, she's got two young kids, she's a single mom, and I think she's dying.

Okay.

Are these from today?

Yeah, she crashed on me.

I had to aspirate a cardiac tamponade in CT.

I don't get it.

It was a simple appy, a no-brainer case, and and now, I mean, look at all this.

She's She's getting worse.

And I don't know why or how to help her.

Hey.

Andrew, look at me.

Walk me through it.

From the beginning.

- Good or bad - Okay.

you may be surprised at what you find.

You're right.

Okay.

She was post-op, day three Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa [DOOR OPENS]

Have no fear Oh.

How was your day?

Uh, uneventful.

Dr.

Wells from Pac-North called, looking for you.

Said you didn't go to work.

I didn't.

I was trying to convince Maggie to go back to work.

And that took you all day?

Yes.

Have no fear Catherine, this isn't gonna work if you don't trust me.

Who said this is working?

Well, what are you saying?

Richard I think it's time for us to have a much bigger conversation.

[GLASS THUDS]

Beloved ain't enough And at the very least, you'll know what you're dealing with.