01x21 - Cigar Cutter

Episode transcripts for the TV show "MacGyver". Aired: September 2016 to present.*
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"MacGyver" centers around Angus "Mac" MacGyver, who creates a secret U.S. government organization where he uses his extraordinary talents for problem solving and his extensive knowledge of science to save lives. A reboot of the 1985–1992 ABC series of the same name.
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01x21 - Cigar Cutter

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on MacGyver No one's ever survived me before.

I still don't know your name.

I've always been partial to Murdoc.

I know everything there is to know about you, Daniel.

But what you don't know is that I wanted to be caught.

WOMAN: If anyone is getting this, we need help.

Looks like Ebola.

Is it something new?

THORNTON: Try something old.

30,000 years old.

We believe this virus is the biological w*apon.

MacGYVER: Stopping the b*mb is out of the question.

JACK: Then get the virus and get out of there!

(man singing call to prayer)

- (muffled grunting)

- JACK: Now, when he was a young man He never thought he'd see People stand in line to see the boy king King Tut (hums)

How'd you get so funky?

Funky Tut (hums)

Did you do the monkey?

Born in Arizona Moved to Babylonia King Tut (grunts)

- You done?

- Yeah.

That's I-I don't know the rest of the words.

I do know he had a condo made of stone-a.

Focus Jack!

We need to find this thing, all right?

So, I don't get it.

What's the deal with all the cats?

Cats were known as Mau, and they were sacred in ancient Egyptian civilizations.

Some were known as gods and goddesses, actually.

One good dog would've taken care of all that.

Anubis there, he was part dog.

Really?

That's one ugly mutt.

(creaking)

Oh.

(chuckles)

Mac, my mummy thinks you're hot.

Stop it.

It's 3,000 years old.

Oh, so what?

Mummy, can my friend come over for dinner?

- Put it back.

- Okay, fine.

I'm glad you can find the humor in this.

Like being on a mission with an eight-year-old.

Well, of course I'm gonna find the humor in it, bro.

What, would you rather me be curled up in the corner in the fetal position, soiling my adult diapers?

Now, wait a second.

Mac, Mac.

Don't-don't touch this one, okay?

- It looks like the Ark of the Covenant.

- (sighs)

No, s-seriously, I don't want my face to melt off.

- Look away.

- Okay, it's your funeral.

No, it's all our funerals.

Oh, Yahtzee.

Dirty b*mb.

Just like Thornton said.

(phone ringing)

It's fine.

It's Bozer.

That's, like, the fifth time he's called.

I know.

Well, answer it.

It might be important.

And this isn't?

You might be right.

It's a it's a video call.

I got to go find a background that doesn't look like I'm inside of a well, wherever we are.

This better be important.

- Hey, man.

- BOZER: Hey.

About time you picked up.

You have any idea how late I am for work?

Any chance that, uh, this can wait and I can call you back?

- You forgetting something?

- MacGYVER: Boze, I'm, uh - I'm busy right now.

- Man, so am I, man.

And it was your turn to buy the Honey Nut Cheerios.

Oh, yeah.

I, um I forgot to do that.

I'm-I'm sorry.

I'll do that as soon as I get back from Cleveland.

Just give me your Amazon password and I'll order more.

I also need to order some meats and cheeses (vehicles approaching)

Cut it off, man.

Farhad's men found us.

(men shouting in distance)

What?

How?

I don't know.

They must've tracked your cell phone.

I thought Nikki was blocking our signal.

Well, you thought wrong.

And I'm hiding.

- I suggest you do the same.

- Hey, Bozer, I'm gonna call you back.

(men shouting in foreign language)

(shouting in foreign language)

(shouting in foreign language)

(speaks foreign language)

(speaks foreign language)

MacGYVER: I wouldn't do that if I were you!

(steady beeping)

You got two options, Farhad.

One, leave.

Or, two we all die.

(chuckling)

Thank you, MacGyver.

You just did our job for us.

Our plan was always to detonate the b*mb here in Cairo.

All you've done is accelerate our clock.

Unfortunately, you won't be alive to see the thousands of people - you've k*lled with that bluff.

- (g*n clicks)

With all the people in the streets, it'll have an even bigger impact than we could have imagined.

So perhaps this little uprising is good for something after all.

(beeping continues)

(groans)

JACK: Yo, Mac!

Where you at?

There you are.

(chuckles)

Look what I got us to celebrate not getting sh*t, nuked, snake-bit, or flambéed in that vortex of death, Cairo.

Your eighth favorite meal.

I'm not really hungry.

Don't worry about it.

You will be when you see the giant Egyptian pyramid of food I'm about to throw at ya.

I got kebabs, koftas, pita, that-that garlic sauce that gives you the bubble guts you like that.

And, look, baba ghanoush.

Lots and lots of baba ghanoush.

That's Wh-why are you not happy about this?

Remember this?

Is that the letter you sent to your old man?

Yeah.

Never made it to him.

No way.

Let me see that.

Looks like it's been halfway around the world and back.

Exactly.

So if that can't find him, I don't know how I'm going to.

Okay.

If you really want to find him, I'll go with you.

I'm down.

I mean, I'm the one who told you to write the letter in the first place, right?

That's right.

So let's just gobble some ghanoush - start fresh tomorrow.

- (phone chimes)

- What do you say?

- (phone chimes)

Oh, Matty needs us.

No, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

No, no way.

No way, Mac.

No, no.

We have a rule now.

We-we made a pact, remember?

We have a job.

Not-not today we don't.

Not on Cairo Day.

364 days out of the year, we work, but on one day, one day, we don't.

That day is today.

And you know that.

You know that, why?

Because it's bad luck.

Scientifically speaking, there's no such thing.

As what?

- Bad luck.

- Bad luck.

Right.

I agree with you.

We're not taking any missions today.

Good idea.

(scoffs)

Oh, but it's not a mission.

- Learn how to read.

- I know how to I know how to read.

Then why the hell is she calling us in?

MATTY: I'd like you all to welcome the newest member of our Phoenix team, Dr.

Milton Zito.

Dr. Zito is an expert in meta-materials.

He'll be working on a research project in our lab.

What kind of research project?

- That's classified.

- That's classified.

I look forward to working with all of you.

Especially you, Mr.

MacGyver.

I've heard all about your unique abilities.

In an age of specialists, it's rare to meet a Renaissance man.

MacGYVER: Oh.

Welcome to the Phoenix Foundation JACK: Jack Dalton.

I'm the guy who made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

You do know parsecs are a measure of distance, not time?

Yeah, we keep telling him that.

Just like we keep telling him monster hologram chess isn't a thing.

JACK: Not yet, Bozer.

- Not yet.

- Just because you wink doesn't make it a thing.

You did it again.

Now I'm uncomfortable.

Dr. Zito, please ignore Jack.

He's been blown up a lot.

Bozer, would you please escort Dr.

Zito to the lab and make sure he has everything he needs?

You got it, boss.

And the vending machine on the third floor has the best candy, but be careful up there.

Cal from Cryptography will talk your ear off.

There's nothing wrong with a little small talk.

Lab work can be lonely.

You're telling me.

Where did you study, by the way?

Stanford?

Yale?

Harvard?

I did a semester at film school and a few weeks with a private acting coach.

Dr. Zito, I presume.

ZITO: (chuckles)

Of course.

The artificial intelligence project you mentioned.

- It's amazing.

- It ain't Westworld, but, uh, we do our best.

Sparky's great for kicking around ideas.

Like your idea to ask Lil out for sushi.

I've run the computations and your success rate would be Oh, hey, man.

Let's, uh let's keep that one between us, all right?

He knows everything on Wikipedia, but we're still working on boundaries.

15%.

I'm afraid you'll be dining alone.

But the one thing you don't know, Matilda Webber, is that I wanted to be caught.

(monitor beeps)

So after a week of interrogation, we still have no idea what this guy does for The Organization.

Or what the hell that means.

MacGYVER: Well, the fact that he's not talking suggests he's still loyal to Yeah, I'm gonna have to stop you both right there.

'Cause what's happening right now sounds like the start of a mission.

And you don't know this, Matty, 'cause you're new, so I'll fill you in, - but today - Is the anniversary of the disastrous mission in Cairo, and you're superstitious about working.

- Yes.

- Just suck it up.

- Put your big boy pants on.

- Okay.

We have a lot of work to do.

ANDIE: Director Webber, I have a Detective Molina on the phone from New York City.

Put him on speaker.

(tablet beeps)

Detective, how can I help you?

Ms.

Webber, I'm reaching out regarding a homicide case I caught last night.

The victim had your name and number in his recent calls, - which is why I'm contacting you.

- Ooh, very bad luck.

It's very impressive.

BOZER: It's a new polymer I've been working on.

Moves like real skin.

It's incredibly life-like, Wilt.

Yeah.

It looks great.

Now I just need to make it waterproof.

Colleague of mine told me you were very skilled at prosthetics.

What are you?

MOLINA: And when we searched his e-mails, we found a one-way plane ticket.

He was supposed to fly to Los Angeles last night.

What was the victim's name?

Uh, Dr. Milton Zito.

Go.

What'd I tell you, man?!

It's Cairo Day!

ROBOT: Medical attention needed.

Medical attention needed.

- Medical attention needed.

- (Bozer gasping)

Medical attention needed.

Medical attention needed.

Hey, slow your breathing down, if you can.

I know it's hard.

(gasping)

- Hang on, buddy.

Hang on.

- Zito.

Oh, my God, Bozer.

- How's he doing?

- MacGYVER: Not great.

Good news is, I think the Kn*fe missed his vital organs; but the bad news is, if I don't seal this wound right now, he's gonna bleed out.

Now, Riley, I need your help.

Push hard on this.

Harder than you'd think, okay?

Okay.

- Find Zito.

- Yeah, I'm on it.

Yeah, it's Jack Dalton.

We have a hostile on site.

Shut the building down right now.

I want every available operative to meet me in the Tac room, right now.

I'll find him.

MATTY: Riley, come with me.

I don't want to leave him.

BOZER: Riley.

Go get that son of a bitch.

Go.

- Hey, Mac.

- Yeah?

- You see that?

- See what?

What she did with my hand.

She was holding it.

Please don't let me die before I get to kiss her.

- (screams)

- Sorry, sorry.

I know, buddy.

JACK: Okay, gentlemen.

- This is a hard target search.

- Every floor, every office.

As of this moment, everyone in this room has a blind security clearance.

This target could be anywhere.

Because he was wearing a mask, we don't know what he looks like.

But we do know that attacking Wilt Bozer was not his end game, he was just the obstacle.

So whatever this guy has planned, it ends right here, right now.

Mac, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

Some days, this job sucks.

This is one of those days.

I never got stabbed flipping burgers.

Having second thoughts?

What do you think?

You know I trust you, Mac, but have you ever done this before?

Not even once, pal.

But I have no choice; I got to seal the wound.

And you're using what, exactly?

Uh, Polyol and diisocyanates.

Army medics are working on this for the b*ttlefield.

When the two chemicals get inside the wound, they harden.

- It's fascinating.

- N-Never mind.

- Just-just do it.

- Sorry.

ROBOT: Very impressive, Mr. MacGyver.

BOZER: You're such a kiss-ass.

Okay, uh Sorry.

- (groaning)

- All right, man.

Heads up, this is gonna hurt.

A lot.

(device whirring)

ROBOT: Think happy thoughts, Mr. Bozer.

(groaning)

(gasping, grunting)

It's working.

(gasping)

Please tell me that turned me into Iron Man.

Just got to find a way to get you up, - get you out of here.

- Right, got it.

I'll wait while you make a teleportation machine.

- (MacGyver chuckles)

- ROBOT: Might I suggest using one of the rolling tables as a gurney?

Think Sparky's gunning for your job.

It's not a bad idea.

JACK: Basement level two clear.

- Moving down to three.

- Uh, Matty?

Someone just opened the holding door in the interrogation wing.

Jack, you got any men on that floor?

Negative.

Zito.

I think I know where he's headed.

(keypad beeps, lock clicks)

They said you'd be punctual.

They were right.

- You ready to do your thing?

- Always.

You know how to get there?

Of course.

They were kind enough to give me a tour.

Just lost cameras in interrogation.

Jack, get down there now.

Check the room.

Uh, we've got an agent down.

And no sign of Dr.

Zito or Mr.

Organization.

Well, I guess now we know why he wanted to get caught.

He had to be inside the building.

These two are working together.

- Question is: why?

- I don't know, and I don't care.

But I think I did just figure out a way to I D. the S. O. B. Riley?

- (camera clicks)

- Incoming.

Okay.

The fake Dr.

Zito is actually Jason Tennant former SAS, '93 to '98.

Left to join a private m*llitary company, did some work as a mercenary.

Eventually caught running g*ns in Somalia and was thrown in a hole there until the U.

S.

extradited him in '02.

And he spent the last 15 years locked away here.

- That's where we keep - Yeah.

And their cells were right next to each other.

Matilda.

Riley.

Such a pleasure to see you both.

Though I wasn't expecting your call for at least another 15 minutes.

Then your plan is falling apart ahead of schedule, Murdoc.

What the hell is going on?

Oh, just picking up where things left off in that junkyard.

See, I was hoping to fulfill my dream of murdering every last one of you Phoenix agents personally.

Then it dawned on me, I'm probably never going to get out of here.

So, I got to chitchatting with my neighbor Jason in the next cell over, told him all about you.

RILEY: So you expect us to believe you just whispered in some dude's ear and he agreed to take on all of Phoenix?

Oh, it took more than whispers, Riley.

See, I agreed to pay him $30 million and to teach him everything that I know.

He agreed to corpse-ify all of you.

See, what I taught MacGyver, ooh, that was just the tip of the iceberg.

What I taught my one-time neighbor well, let's just say I gave him a PhD in homicide.

(grunting)

MATTY: Okay, while that's a cute story, Murdoc, it has some holes.

If Zito just wants us dead, why did he release the man who worked for The Organization?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Someone's in our network.

They're taking over the entire (alarm blaring)

(Bozer groaning)

(alarm ringing)

(alarm blaring)

- Can you stop them?

- I'm trying.

Look, they just put the building in full breach protocol.

All exits are sealed and I can't access anything.

They're in control of the Phoenix now.

MATTY: Post guards at every stairwell.

I want six four-men tac teams clearing the building from the top down.

Where's Mac?

He took Bozer to the loading dock to hand him off to EMS, but that's before this all happened.

Can you find him on any of our cameras?

I can't even access our cameras.

I'm locked out of everything.

MATTY: Riley, I need my Batcave back.

- How long before that can happen?

- I don't know.

Dude from The Organization is good.

He didn't just change our passwords, he reconfigured the whole damn system.

The only way to do this kind of damage is to hard-wire into our data center on level four.

If you want me to fix this, that's where I need to be.

Then let's get you there.

Let's go.

- Mac.

- Yeah?

I don't want to die.

You're not gonna die, Boze.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

- (grunting)

- (doors creaking)

(keypad beeping)

We don't have all day.

Just boopidee-boop the thing.

Yeah, if I could boopidee-boop it, we wouldn't be standing here talking about how I could just boopidee-boop it.

Huh?

What kind of twisted, circular logic is that, huh?

You trying to give me no, you're giving me a headache.

- Just do it.

- Look.

I need to be hardwired into the data center to fix this thing.

If they locked this door, they locked every other door on the floor.

All right.

Let's head to the greenhouse.

Come on.

- What?

The greenhouse?

- Yeah, yeah, the greenhouse.

Well, Jack is now the best time to get into horticulture?

First of all, there's no reason to talk me with that kind of foul language, okay?

Respect your elders.

Second of all, if it was Mac's idea to go to greenhouse, you'd be halfway there right now, and you know it.

Okay, yeah.

But you are not Mac.

I know that.

Thank you, Riley.

How do you think I came up with the greenhouse idea, huh?

All you got to do is think like that dork and then mentally delete all the jibber-jabber.

- Okay, fine, yeah.

Got it.

Let's go.

- Driving me nuts.

Sorry.

(groaning)

(gasping)

(panting)

(distorted, echoing): I'll be right back.

Okay, buddy, let's get you up in here.

- So your plan is what?

- Charm the K*llers who took over the Phoenix with a bouquet of lovely flowers?

Ooh, that's a good idea, and would probably work, but I just kind of figured we blow stuff up instead.

Huh?

Yeah, you said the data center's on the other side of this wall, right?

- Yeah.

- Well, I've seen Mac make enough bombs that I'm fairly confident I can get us through.

- "Fairly confident"?

- Yeah, Riley, relax.

Trust me, I got this.

I just need some, uh MATTY: How is he?

Starting to think Dr.

Zito wasn't such a good hire.

Jack, please tell me you're in data by now.

We will be as soon as we're done making these fertilizer grenades to blow a hole in the wall between the greenhouse and the data center.

And before you ask why, Matty, the magnetic doors are locked, it's the only way in.

Is that really gonna work?

I mean, it's almost exactly what I would do.

May I?

Jack, you're gonna need more than just grenades to get through that wall.

Okay, but it is a good idea, right?

Yeah, but, uh, we're gonna have to tweak it a little bit.

(mouthing)

I'm only giving you partial credit.

You're gonna need to make a shaped charge, so upend two of those metal tables that the plants are on and place them in an "L" shape up against the wall.

And, uh, use the chains from the grow lights to secure them in place.

Toss your incendiaries inside, and then, uh, light them up and run like hell.

Are you sure that letting Jack play with expl*sives is really the best idea?

Good point.

Hey, Jack, do not blow up anything until I get there.

I'm coming to help.

Bozer, if you die, you're fired.

Yes, ma'am.

(grunting)

(laughs)

Are you sure this is far enough?

We're about to find that out, aren't we?

Okay, well, don't you think we should wait on Mac?

We're kind of on the clock here, Riles.

Don't worry.

Jack-Gyver's got it all figured out.

What?

All you did was follow Mac's instructions.

And don't ever say "Jack-Gyver" (grunts)

Okay, let's go, let's go.

- Try not to hit the servers, all right?

- - They're kind of important.

- Yeah, noted.

Okay, do your thing.

Do your thing.

I'll go find The Client.

(both grunting)

A marker?

I'm disappointed, MacGyver.

Murdoc spent hours telling me everything about you and your impressive skills, and you're fighting me (gasps)

- (screams)

- How 'bout now?

Impressed yet?

(alarm sounding)

(screams)

(yells)

Murdoc didn't just tell me your strengths.

He also taught me your weaknesses.

By the way, how is dear old Dad?

(g*nsh*t)

JACK: Riley!

JACK: Riley!

MacGYVER: Riley.

Hey, are you okay?

Are you hurt?

Riley, are you okay?

Huh?

You all right?

Hey, talk to me.

Talk to me.

Yeah, we we were fighting for the g*n.

The g*n.

Yeah, yeah, no, we get it.

You did what you had to do.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Give it up.

All right?

Now give it to me.

I got to get back to work.

(shell casing clatters on floor)

Um, how much time do you need?

Um, it'll take days to get the whole system back.

But I think I got us our eyes.

Good.

All we got to do now is find Dr.

Zito.

And deal with them.

Great.

The Organization just sent an army.

Cairo Day, man.

Always call in sick on Cairo Day, always.

I don't get it.

If the Organization sent Zito here for something, - why send all that backup?

- We'll answer all those questions over a cold one, if we're still alive, Riley, but in the meantime, we just need to know where the bad guys are.

They're heading east.

Down the next hall on your right.

(door shuts)

Oh, great.

Riley, any chance you can help us out with this?

No.

The cameras are ours, but I'm still locked out of everything else.

But they aren't.

They're, um they're "They're, um" what, Riley?

- JACK: Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

Their inside man reconfigured our security codes to work with their master key.

- Well, can't you just make one?

- No.

Not yet.

And don't ask why, Jack.

You wouldn't understand my explanation.

No problemo, señorita.

I have my own master key right here mi hermano.

- What's the plan?

- It's gonna take too long to make something to cut through this, so we got to go around.

Well, if we're gonna go around, we're gonna have to move really fast.

Move very, very, fast?

Yeah.

Uh, guys, looks like they're headed to level B9.

- That's Cold Storage.

- RILEY: What's in Cold Storage?

MacGYVER: You know all the dangerous stuff we get on missions?

Well, that's where they put it.

(grunts)

You know, when I woke up this morning, I planned on eating baba ghanoush, not chasing a bunch of psychopaths around with machine g*ns, dodging b*ll*ts.

I'm telling you, Mac, never doubt the Cairo curse, my man, never!

Alliteration doesn't make it true, Jack.

Hey, the fact that this is all happening is what makes it true, dum-dum.

- What are you doing here?

- MATTY: Get to B9.

We got this.

- Okay, come on.

- Wait, wait, wait.

I don't mean to tell you how to count, Mac, but we're on B8, they're on level B9.

- They're under - Yeah, I know.

Even if we could make it through all the locked doors, which we can't, I don't like the odds of two against nine.

That's why we're here.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I need a baseball-sized hole right there.

- Yeah, right there.

- Okay, but when Matty asks me why there's a big-ass hole in her floor, I'm gonna tell her it was your idea.

What is that, acid?

Are you gonna melt a hole in the floor, like Aliens?

Uh, no.

I thought about that, but it wouldn't work fast enough.

This is nitromethane, that's ethylendiamine.

The, uh, Phoenix techs use this stuff to make custom electronics.

But when you mix a little of this with a little of that, you get a binary liquid expl*sive called PLX.

And when you put an expl*sive in a contained space, say between two iron I-beams Ah, you get a badass b*mb.

Put your foot down right there.

So, we're gonna light the fuse, we're gonna run towards the expl*si*n.

- Run towards the expl*si*n?

- Yeah.

This is exactly the kind of plan that made me not want to come to work today.

We'll be fine, probably.

(Jack crying out)

Okay.

Okay, Riley said 12, that's three.

Matty took out three, so we're looking at, uh Six.

It's six, Jack.

Not including Zito.

Technically, that's seven.

Glad to see you're still alive, Bozer.

Just following orders, boss.

Carter, gather all non-combat personnel and get them on this level now.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Riley, any luck finding the good doctor?

Nope.

I got facial recognition running on every camera feed.

Good news is I got full facility control.

MATTY: Good.

Keep us on lockdown.

Zito's got to be here somewhere.

He didn't just disappear.

(weakly): Mask Missing mask.

- Mask - MATTY: Take care of it.

(indistinct chatter)

Jack, they're stealing the virus!

The virus virus?

The one that got you sh*t and almost took out San Fran?

They're stealing it back.

(alarm bell ringing)

(gasping)

Bozer?

Bozer!

(keypad beeps)

Here we go again.

- Bozer, what are you doing?

- (alarm bell ringing)

BOZER (weakly): Zito (screaming)

Everybody get down!

(grunting)

(g*nshots)

(t*nk hissing)

OPERATIVE: Let's go.

(t*nk hissing)

Riley, seal that door!

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on it.

(woman whimpering)

I will k*ll her.

(woman whimpers)

(groaning)

Put the virus down, or I cut this, and the coolant hits the O2.

I'll save you the stoichiometry, but, basically, the whole room's gonna go up in flames.

Okay?

Now, we have two options.

One you leave, two we all die.

MacGYVER: Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

If that bluff didn't work in Cairo, why's it gonna work now?

Truth is I'm out of options.

And you know what they say second time's a charm.

Or is that the third?

I take it Murdoc's lessons didn't include logic.

You k*ll her, you die.

You've suffered heavy losses already, Director Webber.

I doubt if you'll (Zito shouts, woman screams)

You were saying?

(sighs)

You're bluffing.

Honestly, man, I don't even know if I'm bluffing right now, but I do know that I'm not letting you leave this room with that virus.

So it really is Cairo all over again.

(whooshing, expl*si*n)

(groaning)

(grunts)

(expl*si*n)

JACK: Come on!

Get down!

(groaning)

Damn, Mac, what was the plan if you couldn't break the glass?

Plan?

What plan?

(laughs)

Figures.

Come on.

MATTY: Communications restored and I want agents sweeping the building.

I want techs sweeping our network.

I need a full inventory.

If something was lost, stolen, damaged, or even slightly disrespected, I need to know about it.

This building is a crime scene.

Everything is evidence.

How you feeling, bud?

Sliced and diced.

And bummed I had to destroy my best mask.

Hey.

Hey, we agreed no more talking, all right?

EMTs are waiting outside.

Whoa.

Are you okay?

Yeah, that's not mine.

- Hey, guys.

- Oh, um sorry I blew up half the building.

Eh, I've always been more of a building-half-standing kind of gal.

I'm really proud of the two of you.

You saved a lot of lives today.

Always knew you were a big softie.

- Hit me with a squeeze.

- No hugs, Dalton, okay?

Go get yourself checked out by medical, and then get your butts back up here.

Oh, and bring a mop.

(scoffs)

- Don't look at me.

- Dude (sighs)

What?

Come on!

MacGYVER: Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

This is insane.

But I should have done this in the first place.

That prehistoric virus I stole eight months ago in Lake Como doesn't belong to the Phoenix Foundation, or to anyone, for that matter.

It belongs to history, and I'm going to send it back.

WOMAN (over P. A. system): Dr.

Ramirez to the ICU.

- Dr. Ramirez to the ICU.

- (sniffs)

(quiet rhythmic beeping)

Hey.

How you feeling?

Like I never want to move again.

You been here long?

Few days.

Jack came by yesterday, brought this.

(laughs)

Oh, and you just missed Mac.

He brought flowers.

Never was much of a green thumb, but damn if he can't teach Martha Stewart a thing or two about duct tape.

You look way better.

Doctors were impressed you survived after so much blood loss.

Yeah, I've always been a great bleeder.

Besides I had a lot of reasons to stick around.

For my family, my friends.

So much has happened in these last eight months.

You ever wish you could go back to before you knew?

Nah.

Ignorance is safer but it isn't bliss.

I wouldn't change what's happened for anything in the world.

(groans)

So your fake Zito's in jail.

His partner's in the ground.

I've got a dozen Organization operatives to interrogate, and my team is still alive.

Guess your plan was kind of an epic fail, huh?

I keep this tally in my head of all the people I plan to k*ll.

And the deaths get more gruesome and elaborate the higher you climb the list.

And you, Matilda Webber, have just made the top.

(Matty laughs)

Oh, Murdoc.

I'm gonna miss our little chats.

It's such a shame that I can't do anything more to punish you, but you're already in prison for life.

Oh.

I guess I could take away the last vestige of the outside world that you have in your possession your one and only personal item this copy of Paradise Lost.

Effective immediately, Murdoc, all of your privileges have been revoked.

Enjoy the rest of your life.

You're looking at it.

(engine revving)

(horn honks)

- (laughs)

- (tires squeak)

Yes, yes!

What up, braniac?

What up?

Bozer was right.

Huh?

Sparky's gunning for my job.

(whirring)

Uh, no, man.

Nobody wants your job.

It-it kind of sucks.

I'm just robot-sitting for Bozer while he's on the mend.

We just got back.

Where you off to now?

Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm gonna go find my dad.

Sounds good, I got nothing going on anyway.

Here, give me this.

Not taking no for an answer, I'll drive.

Get in the backseat, Tin Man.

You are aware I cannot yet walk.

You can take shotgun.

You sure you want to take him?

Well, Sparky deserves a good road trip.

I mean, he did save Bozer's life, with that annoying call for help.

Besides, this whip doesn't have a GPS, and Robocop's pretty good at poker.

For when we want to hit Vegas.

(clicks tongue)

Vegas is not on the way.

Vegas is always on the way, dude.

(sighs)

What kind of road trip doesn't involve Vegas?

You might want to consider fastening your seat-belt, MacGyver.

Safety belts reduce the risk of fatal injury to rear occupants by 45%.

There is an on/off switch on this thing, right?

Oh, yeah.

Viva Las Vegas.

Here we come.

Murdoc, get up.

I said, get up.

I need medical in the isolation wing.

It's Murdoc.

Open up.

Shh.

(choking)
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