Rusty: Rusty Cartwright. I'm a freshman.
***
Casey: I'm Casey Cartwright. Tomorrow night, we are gonna host
over a thousand girls for rush.
***
Frannie: Daughter of our fair state Senator. She's coming here this
fall, and she's rushing. Land Rebecca Logan and you can be the heir
to my throne.
***
Dale: I'm Dale.
Rusty: Hey Dale, nice to meet you.
Dale: You gotta be pretty smart to get to the engineering program.
Rusty: How'd you know?
Dale: This is the honors engineering floor.
***
Rusty: I want to rush a fraternity.
Casey: You're not fraternity material.
***
Calvin: No one knows you here. You can be anyone you want.
***
Rusty: I want to be a Kappa Tau.
Cappie: Let's go, pledge.
***
Evan: You're Casey's little brother.
Rusty: How'd you know?
Evan: I'm her boyfriend. I'm Evan.
***
Heath: You know this doesn't mean I'm gay or anything.
Calvin: I'm not gay. I was just drunk.
***
Cappie: The reason I broke up with you...
Casey: I dumped you.
Evan: Hey, Crappie.
Cappie: The name's Cappie.
Evan kisses Casey.
***
Rusty walks through an aisle but stop when he see Evan and Rebecca
hooking up. Evan look at him.
***
Rusty: I saw Evan...
Casey: I don't know...
Rusty: ...with another girl. They were gonna have sex.
***
Evan: Casey, I'll make it up to you.
Casey: Sweetie, we're even. Think about it.
End of previously.
***** On campus, in Casey's car - Night
Ashleigh: Was there ever a time when radio stations actually played
music? Almost makes me want to listen to NPR.
Casey: [Ashleigh took off her headphones] Ouch.
Ashleigh: Is said I want to listen to NPR. Seriously, what is wrong
with you? Evan stuff?
Casey: Things are great with Evan. Why wouldn't they be?
Ashleigh: I just assumed it would take a girl more than a couple of days
to get over the fact that her boyfriend hooked up with one of her
pledges as her younger brother watched.
Casey: Look, what happened between Evan and Rebecca Logan on rush
night sucked a lot. But it's behind us. So we're totally fine.
Ashleigh: Especially with what we've gotta do tonight?
Casey: Business as usual.
Radio: This is WGOD. You're listening to inspirational recordings...
Ashleigh: [against the radio] Oh, son of a...
***** Rusty and Dale's room
Rusty's ironing some clothes.
Radio: ...Only on Cyprus...the gospel. "Heavenly music for a life
and... after".
Dale: [on his laptop] You want to hear an interesting tidbit of info?
Rusty: Absolutely. Anything.
Dale: All right. This school in Florida had to shut down one of their
fraternities for hazing after one of pledges was forced to...break
several laws against both God and nature during cinco de mayo last year.
Those fraternities sure sound like fun.
Rusty: This isn't hazing. This is just laundry.
Dale: That's probably how it started with that poor cinco de mayo boy.
Rusty: You can't let a few bad apples ruin the bunch. If that were
the case, no one would ever join the catholic church.
Dale: That's exactly why I'm baptist.
Rusty: Hazing is just this small part. It's running errands, helping
out around the house, an occasional prank or two maybe. I feel like...
I don't know. I'm earning my keep. Like I belong.
Dale: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Rusty. Speaking of, physics,
9 a.m.. [Excited] I hope I can sleep tonight! Just so you know, I'd
never force you to do anything you didn't want to to prove yourself
to me.
Dale turns on the religious radio.
Rusty: Thanks, Dale. Hey, hey, for tonight, could we not...
Dale: It helps me sleep.
Radio: This next dedication goes out to Cyprus-Rhodes, where Dale
wants his roommate Rusty to know he's praying for him and his
blasphemous ways.
The Kappa Tau come in.
Cappie: Deploy, Spitter, deploy, deploy!
Beaver: [taking Rusty out of his bed] Pledge week!
Cappie: Extraction complete. Move out, men. [To Dale who fell of his
bed] Chut! [Cappie goes out and comes back] The laundry.
***** Out on campus
Calvin: [answering his cell] Hello?
Evan: Pledge, you have five minutes to get your ass to the house or
suffer the consequences.
*****
Casey: Let's go. [She's getting out of her car to face Rebecca]
Rebecca Logan.
Rebecca: Hey guys. What's up?
Casey: We're kidnapping you for pledge orientation and midnight snacks
back at the house.
Rebecca: You guys scared me.
Casey: No reason to be scared.
Rebecca: Hey!
Casey: [who pushed her] Oops, sorry.
Credits
***** The Omega Chi's House
Calvin: Sorry, guys. I was at the student center across campus.
Evan: No problem, pledge Owens. I will have to ask you to drop and
give me 20, though.
Calvin: Are you serious?
Evan: All of you! The success of one brother is success for everyone.
And the failure of one affects us all. I am your pledge master,
brother Chambers. And it is my duty to instill in you the ideals we
honor here. Self-improvement. Leadership. And dedication. And part of
dedication is punctuality! The hardcover you'll feel dropping on your
spine is the Omega Chi pledge book. You will be tested on it. Now
initiation is not intended to humiliate. It's purpose is to take you
from the boys you are now and challenge you to become real men. You
all have one hour... To melt these blocks of ice. Oh yeah, there is a
catch. Do it naked. Let's go!
An Omega Chi: Come on. You heard him.
***** Kappa Tau House
A Kappa Tau: Remove your blindfolds!
Cappie: Greetings! Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers
who... Art in heaven, hallow it be their name, brought into this
continent Kappa Tau Gamma. Though we walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, we fear nothing. And neither will you. As tonight...
You all become men! Not in the way you might be thinking. We do not
have hookers, which isn't to say we didn't try. Regardless... You all
have been brought here before us to participate in a ceremonial rite
of passage. It derives from a secret spartan ritual known as Cryptea.
Where a boy is sent out into the wild... To live off the land, fight
for his life while protecting his village. If he wasn't devoured by
those... Gnarly looking wolfy things. Then he returned to the village...
A man.
Rusty: Isn't that the beginning of 300?
Cappie: We did it first! You must stay out here all night. You cannot
sleep. Also, the spartan boys had to wear their battle clothes for 24
hours.
Rusty: They were out there for months.
Cappie: Silence! Oh yeah, you guys gotta do some light gardening, 'cause the
weeds are getting kind of bad. And to be one with the earth, which
was something else they did back. All right, we'll see you guys in
the morning when you're men. Be well.
Rusty: Hey, I'm Rusty.
Ben: Rusty, right? Yeah, Ben Bennett.
Rusty: Oh, cool name. So what's your major?
Ben: Undeclared, I guess. Yours?
Rusty: Polymer science.
Ben: Bummer.
***** Zeta Beta Zeta House
Casey: Okay, so tomorrow is our annual pledge scavenger hunt. Meet me
in the quad. Then thursday is our big sis, little sis revealing,
where you'll learn who will be your big sister.
Ashleigh: Let's eat.
Frannie: These girls are so awesome. I love every one of them.
Jen: Oh my Gosh, you guys! This is like the best night ever. My mom
was a ZBZ, and she's so proud of me.
Casey: Oh! You get some food. We're so happy you're here!
Frannie: Except that one. Legacies.
Casey: Didn't understand a word she said.
Frannie: Like it matters, whatever. I'm still a proud prez. You handled
the whole situation so well. Look around. Someday this could all be yours.
Oh, here's our crown jewel now.
Rebecca: I am so excited to be here. I feel like you all can take
such good care of me.
Frannie: Hey Casey, why don't you go show Rebecca her new room?
Casey: Fine. [Later] So here it is. You know, I wanted to talk to you about
something.
Rebecca: It's much smaller than imagined.
Casey: It's the only room we have left. You know, we normally can't allow
freshmen to live in the house.
Rebecca: And I know that I'm a campus celebrity, which is so weird just
because my dad's a senator and rich and famous and whatever, but
please... No special treatment.
Casey: Except for your own room in the house.
Rebecca: And maybe my own tivo? Check out that room, it's huge!
Casey: Yeah, um, this is my room. And speaking of things that are mine...
I found you sort of had sex with Evan Chambers.
Rebecca: I did, rush night, and it was amazing.
Casey: Okay, please stop talking. Here's the thing. Evan Chambers is
my boyfriend.
Rebecca: Oh my god. How awkward for you. Are you guys breaking up?
Casey: Um, no. Anyway... I just wanted to say that at Zeta Beta for a sister
to hook up with another sister's boyfriend, it's considered bad form.
Rebecca: Well, I had no idea he was your boyfriend at the time.
Casey: Of course. And I'm just offering some advice in the spirit of
sisterhood. Maybe you want to take some time to get to know a guy
before you hook up with him. Like, see if he's in a relationship.
Rebecca: Interesting. That's some pretty great advice. You must be
pretty perfect to dole out that kind of advice.
Casey: I'm not saying I'm perfect...
Rebecca: Well, we agree on something. Because I know that I'm not perfect.
Casey: Let me rephrase...
Rebecca: No, I get it. I hooked up with your boyfriend. And I'm sorry
for you about that. But I'm not gonna apologize to you for doing it.
Can I offer you some sisterly advice? Maybe you should spend a
little less time on your sisters, and a little more time on your
boyfriend.
Casey: Well. Thanks for the advice.
Rebecca: No, thank you. I've learned a lot.
***** Casey and Ashleigh's room
Casey: And I was totally chill. I was like, "you might wanna be a
little more careful." and she was like "back off.". "Oh and by the
way, I'm totally happy dressing like Donna Karan's skanky little
sister."
Ashleigh: Waouh.
Casey: I know, right? Verbatim almost. And now I have to live with her.
And be nice to her. And she's evil.
Ashleigh: Well, you know, she's not active yet. We could bounce her out.
Casey: Are you kidding? Frannie'd never let that happen.
Ashleigh: Yeah, but people leave, they quit... If they're pushed too
hard.
Casey: Oh, I like that.
Ashleigh: And sometimes accidents do happen.
Casey: I'm not gonna k*ll her, Ash.
Ashleigh: No, not k*ll. Injure.
Casey: No, no, this is good. It's easy. We'll run her ragged and make
her quit. Rebecca Logan must go.
***** At the KT's - Day
Cappie: Thought you might need those. Hey, good job on the weeds.
Rusty: Crap.
Cappie: Awesome back here.
Rusty: I was the only pledge who fell asleep?
Cappie: Looks like you got off easy. Usually on the first person who
falls asleep, the pledges tend to oh...
Rusty: What happens usually?
Cappie: That person gets the most sleep. You've got some mud.
Rusty: They dye your feet?
Cappie: Good one, guys. Because they care, buddy. Because they care.
Rusty: When I mentioned my major, this one guy looked at me like I
was terminal.
Cappie: They don't know you. Just give 'em some time.
Rusty: Yeah, just the first week. In a month, this'll all be behind me.
Cappie: Yeah, you bet'cha. Atta boy.
***** Out on campus
Evan: You know, we haven't spent any time together lately. We're
okay, right?
Casey: Of course. We've both been busy.
Evan: Yeah, well, you do what you gotta do.
Casey: If you want, you can come tonight and hang with me at Dobbler's.
Evan: Done. Wait, is that your brother?
Casey: Rusty, are you sleepwalking?
Evan: Oh, my God.
Rusty: Hey, Case. Evan.
Casey: People can see you. People can see you standing near me.
Evan: That is typical Kappa Tau crap, man.
Rusty: What, this? No, this was an accident. I fell down some stairs.
Evan: And cut two holes in the butt of your jammies.
Rusty: I was holding scissors.
Casey: Hang in there. First week is always the worst, because that's
when classes are the easiest.
Rusty: Class. What time is it?
Casey: It's almost 9:00.
Rusty: What? Oh, my gosh! I'm screwed. I gotta go. I'm screwed!
[Running] Excuse me!
Evan: His feet were blue.
***** A lecture hall
Rusty: Has class started yet? Why are there so many people?
Dale: No, you can't sit there.
Rusty: Why? This is the only seat left!
Dale: It's saved.
Rusty: For who?
Dale: For that guy. Hey, I saved your seat.
Professor: If everyone could take their... You! This is a university
classroom, not a homeless shelter.
Rusty: I'm sorry sir. I'm not homeless. I'm in a fraternity.
Professor: I like you better homeless. Sit. The brain surgeons at the
registrar's office overbooked this class. We have 100 seats and 124
students. But that's not a problem for me. It's a problem for you.
90 problems for you. Your first problem set, which I want completed
and in my hands no later than 9 a.m. thursday. Work in groups, work
alone, I don't care. Based on the results, 100 of you will stay. 24 of
you will find something else to do. Maybe k*ll some more brain cells
at the frat house.
***** Out on campus
Casey: You have 20 things on or around campus that you have to find
and take pictures of with your handy dandy ZBZ cams. Might be
something like a picture of the football stadium. Or a picture of you
making out with a football player.
Jen: Football player? I love football players! I want to date
football player one day.
Casey: Okay, you have until 7:00 p.m. to complete your lists and haul
ass back to Dobbler's. If you do not make it by then, you will not
remain in the running toward becoming america's next top Zeta Beta.
Questions? No. Okay, go!
Rebecca: Wait, I think I have a joke list or something.
Ashleigh: What?
Rebecca: "Panther. Middle-aged hooker. Male faculty member shirtless.".
Casey: Let me take a look at that. Two puppies wearing hats.
Ashleigh: The lists were passed out randomly.
Casey: And no special treatment, right? You're just one of the girls
now. They're all doing their own lists. It might get weird if we gave
you your own room and then gave you an easier list because you can't
do the one you have...
Rebecca: I can do it.
Casey: Of course you can. You're Rebecca freakin' Logan.
Ashleigh: You can totally do this. Kick ass! I thought she was gonna
quit right then.
Casey: She'll never finish the list.
*****
Rusty: I thought the first week was supposed to be easy. Why can't
he just find a bigger room? Why do we have to do this?
Dale: Because he's teacher and we do as we're told.
Rusty: But this is ridiculous. He's testing us on concepts and
theories he hasn't even taught us yet. I mean, "microscopic and
macroscopic aspects of deformation and fracture."
Dale: No, I've heard of that before.
Rusty: "Spinodal decomposition and martensitic reactions?"
Dale: That has something to do...with the morphological changes in...
Something.
Rusty: Hey! Why don't we work together?
Dale: 'Cause I don't need to.
Rusty: "Molecular foundations of polymer viscoelasticity pertaining
to the Rouse-Bueche theory and the Boltzmann superposition principle"?
Dale: We should get started tonight.
Rusty: Great. No, I can't. I can't tonight. I have to be at the house
every night this week.
Dale: Happy failing.
Rusty: We can just split it up. I can get my half done in my spare time.
Dale: Amen. I'm gonna try to have faith in you, Rusty.
A guy: Good luck, man.
Rusty: I'm not homeless!
***** At Dobler's - Night
Evan: Hey, you know, not that I'm not enjoying your company, Ashleigh, but
when are you done? 'Cause I was thinking we could grab dinner and
we'd go back to my house.
Casey: We still have one girl left.
Evan: Okay. Who?
Ashleigh: Rebecca Logan.
Casey: I think I need another lemon drop. [She's leading to the bar].
Cappie: Case, I didn't see you down there.
Casey: Heading out?
Cappie: Another night of debauchery with the pledges.
Casey: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. I don't know
exactly what you guys do over there.
Cappie: You never heard about the goats?
Casey: Just go easy on Rusty, okay? He's new to all this, I wanna
make sure he's not going to be scarred for life.
Cappie: Did you really come down here to talk to me about Rusty?
Whom until last week didn't exist?
Casey: My relationship with Rusty has changed since last week.
Cappie: Seems like a lot of relationships changed last week.
Bartender: Here you go.
Casey: You don't have to buy me a drink.
Cappie: It's okay, I didn't. I put it on your tab.
Evan: Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What's taking so long over here?
Cappie: I was just not buying your girlfriend a drink.
Evan: Don't you have your own girlfriend to not buy drinks for?
Cappie: It's just not as fun, I guess. This is ridiculous. Can we be
mature and just say what we're all thinking? How the hell could they
cancel Gilmore Girls? Unclench, Evs. Casey and I were just talking
about the pledges.
Evan: Yeah, we- yeah, yeah. We saw the work you guys did on Rusty.
Let me ask you. What exactly is the point of that form of hazing?
Cappie: Our own amusement.
Evan: Well, you're doing them a lot of good.
Cappie: We don't have to train our pledges. They already rock.
Evan: Are you implying that your pledges are better than our pledges?
Cappie: You're right. I'm sorry. Let me clarify. Our pledges could kick
your pledges' asses any day.
Evan: Is that a challenge?
Casey: Guys, come on.
Evan: No, no, no.
Cappie: What kind of competion are we talking about here? Who's got
the most J. Crew V-Necks? Wait, you might have us there.
Evan: We could kick your ass at anything.
Cappie: Really?
Evan: Yeah, we could.
Cappie: Oh.
Ashleigh: Excuse us. Rebecca's not coming.
Casey: She quits?
Ashleigh: She got busted by campus security for sneaking into the
men's faculty locker room.
Casey: Are we in trouble?
***** At the KT's
Wade: Okay, guys, tonight's new rite of passage will begin shortly.
We're just waiting on the sensei, who's...
Cappie: Stop everything! Nice kimonos. Big news. Our pledges have
been challenged by the nimrods over at Omega Chi
Pledge #1: We're gonna destroy 'em!
Pledge #2: What's the game?
Cappie: Something fair. Something classic and old... family favorite.
Beer pong. Here tomorrow night.
Rusty: Tomorrow night? What if we have school work to do?
Cappie: Spitter, that's impossible. Did you not hear a word of what
I just said? It's against the Omega Chis! Besides, it's the first
week of school. It's always easy.
Ben: You could probably just sit this
one out, Spitter. I mean, maybe this isn't your kind of thing.
Cappie: Do what you gotta do, Russ.
***** ZBZ House - Day
Ashleigh: Case, Frannie is calling an emergency meeting about Rebecca.
Casey: Now? You think she knows anything about the list Rebecca had?
Ashleigh: I guess we're about to find out.
Casey: Okay, I'll meet you in there.
Rusty: Case, can I talk to you?
Casey: Now is like the absolute worst time.
Rusty: Please, just two minutes.
Casey: Okay, go, hurry.
Rusty: I've got this scheduling issue.
Casey: Seriously? Buy a calendar. Done.
Rusty: But tonight the Kappa Taus are hosting this beer pong event,
which I'm not really sure what that is.
Casey: Classy choice, Cappie.
Rusty: I also have to finish this really hard problem set in order to
stay in this physics class.
Casey: Easy. Drop the class. And you're welcome.
Rusty: I can't just drop the class, Case, it's a prequisite.
Casey: Then skip beer pong, but know it's a lot of fun.
Rusty: I can't skip. I'm just a pledge. How do you juggle school
and your sorority stuff?
Casey: I don't take honors engineering classes. Look, I really need
to go.
Rusty: That's all you got for me?
Casey: You knew joining a fraternity wasn't gonna be easy. You're in
this super hard, super brainiac program, that's gonna take up a lot
of time. But being in a fraternity takes time too. So you have to
make a choice. Choices are good. Choices make you pick a path and
stay the course.
Rusty: It's not fair. Why can't I do both?
Casey: Well, if you could, you wouldn't be here right now. This is
one reason among many why guys like you aren't in fraternities.
Rusty: But the world isn't black and white, remember? I can be gray.
I can be an amalgam.
Casey: Why does every conversation we have turn into a vocab test?
Rusty: Forget it.
Casey: Be realistic, Russ.
Rusty: Be my sister, Case.
*****
Frannie: Panhellenic has called five times wanting to know how
we're gonna handle the situation. They're implying hazing. What the
hell am I supposed to tell them?
Ashleigh: She's on dr*gs?
Frannie: What was she doing in there?
Casey: If this were any other girl on campus, no one would care.
It's just because she's Rebecca Logan. Maybe it's a good thing
this happened for us now.
Frannie: What do you mean?
Casey: Well, what she brings to this sorority in notoriety pales in
comparison to all we're gonna have to do to manage our reputation.
She lives under a microscope.
Ashleigh: Which means we're gonna live under a microscope too.
Casey: And she's covered in bacteria. I mean, if she messes up again,
then our name's gonna be right alongside hers. It might be best...
Rebecca: Excuse me, may I have a moment of your time?
Frannie: This is a closed meeting, Rebecca. Officers only.
Rebecca: This will just take a second.
Frannie: Okay.
Rebecca: I made a huge mistake. I went way overboard with the
scavenger hunt. I was just trying to make you proud, Frannie.
Frannie: Make me proud? Oh, you don't have to prove anything to me, or
anyone here. We all love you.
Casey: We still have to answer to Panhellenic and the university.
Rebecca: It's taken care of.
Frannie: Taken care of?
Rebecca: My father became involved. He spoke with the provost and a
rep at Panhellenic and suggested that it would be in everyone's best
interest if this all just went away, so it has. I won't allow my poor
judgment to affect my sisters.
Frannie: You are amazing.
Rebecca: And for all the trouble that I've caused you all, my father has
offered us his private jet for us to use any time we want it.
Frannie: Oh, my god, my god! We got a jet! Is it a G5?
Rebecca: Yes, actually it is. How did you know?
***** Dale and Rusty's room - Night
Dale: Hey, study buddy. You done yet?
Rusty: Just about.
Dale: Where you headed?
Rusty: I'm really kind of unfocused in here, you know. So I'm gonna
go to the library to work on the problem set for physics.
Dale: When are you gonna be done? Cause I'm already done. I finished
it about 1:30 this afternoon. I mean, it was tough, but I got through it.
And I was able to teach myself a lot of stuff that's... That's
pretty advanced.
Rusty: I'll definitely have my half.
Dale: Hey, I can come with you and help. I'm really smart.
Rusty: I know you are, Dale. But... I want to do my part, you know?
I'll see you.
Dale: Hey, Rusty?
Rusty: Yeah?
Dale: Aren't you forgetting something?
Rusty hugs him.
Dale: Rusty?
Rusty: Yeah?
Dale: You forgot your backpack.
Rusty: Oh, right.
***** KT's House
Wade: Gentlemen... And Omega Chis... Welcome to the first annual
Kappa Tau/Omega Chi pledge tourney. All right, we got nine pledges on
each side. House with the highest number of wins... Wins. Any questions?
Rusty: How do you play?
Evan: You know, we could drop one of our guys to make it an even game.
Cappie: It's actually a great question, Spitter. Beer pong rules and
regulations differ all over the world. Adhering to the north american
beer pong association regulations, two players square off on their
respective sides, each taking a turn hitting a ping pong ball across
a table with the aim of making their ball land in one of several cups
of beer. Now if he... Or she... Is successful, then that opponent
must drink that cup of beer. The player who drinks all the cups loses.
Now I personally subscribe to the notion though that everyone wins in
this game. So let's do it. Let the games begin!
Rusty: Hey.
Calvin: So I guess this is gonna be the drawback of being in different
houses. It's too bad you didn't come to Omega Chi, but I get it.
The whole Evan thing.
Rusty: There's no reason we still can't be friends.
Calvin: Yeah, yeah, I mean, just because our houses are in
competition doesn't mean... Doesn't mean we have to be, right?
Rusty: Yeah.
Both: So what number... I'm nine.
***** ZBZ House
Frannie: Hey. So... Good news. Everything has been smoothed over completely.
Casey: Great.
Frannie: There's one thing though. Rebecca wants your room.
Casey: How did you break the bad news?
Frannie: Explain something to me. Why was Rebecca Logan given so many
hard things to find on the scavenger hunt?
Casey: She wasn't.
Frannie: "Shirtless faculty member"? "Middle-aged panther"?
Casey: Win is...
Frannie: And the point is...you're still freaked out about the Evan
thing, and you lost control. You told me you could handle it, and you
didn't. Rebecca's getting the room.
***** KT's
Heath: Hey, Calvin. What's your number?
Calvin: Home or cell?
Heath: No, I mean your position. What number did you draw?
Calvin: Nine.
Heath: So do you wanna grab some beers after this or something?
Calvin: Beers? Sure!
Wade: All right, next up! Number nine.
Evan: And game point!
Rusty: Spitter... You're up.
Calvin: Hey. May the best man win?
Rusty: Yeah. Best man win.
Evan: All right. Don't choke.
Cappie: How you feeling? You good? Okay, I want you to relax, all right?
You know, there are these moments in life when you are confronted with
something that you think is monumental, but 10, 20 years down the road
you'll look back and you'll laugh.
Rusty: Yeah.
Cappie: This is not one of those moments. This is the most important
thing that could ever happen to you or any of us in this entire
world. Good luck. Don't lose.
Wade: All right, score's tied. The winner of this game will determine
which pledges rock and which pledges suck.
Rusty: It's just kind of like ping pong. And I was champion five years
in a row in the Eagle Scouts.
Cappie: Waouh. You were in the Eagle Scouts.
Rusty: Good game, Cal.
Calvin: You are the best won man, Cal.
Cappie: You guys should've picked naked ice melting. Is that supposed
to be a secret Omega Chi thing?
Evan: Hope you're ready to do some pushups, pledge.
Calvin: You bet...
Ben: Hey, you kicked ass, man.
Rusty: It was... Hell, yeah!
The Kappa Taus: Spitter! Spitter! Spitter!
Rusty: 2:00 a.m.! I gotta go! Put me down.
***** Dale and Rusty's room - Day
Rusty: I'm up!
Dale: You didn't finish? You didn't finish! It's due in ten minutes.
You're nowhere near finished.
Rusty: I'll turn in what we have.
Dale: No, what we have can't compete with what the other kids have,
because they take this seriously. I prayed to God. Why would he
forsake me? Okay, this class is a prerequisite that's only offered in
the fall. Which means if we don't take it now we can't take it until
next year. Which means we can't start our core classes for two years.
Which means I can't finish undergrad till 2012. Which means I can't
finish grad school until 2015...
Rusty: Dale, I'm sorry.
Dale: No, no, you've ruined my future. And my kids' future and my
grandkids' future. You've disrupted the space-time continuum. And you
gotta fix it. You gotta build a time machine right now. We gotta
build a time machine...
Rusty: Dale, stop. Stop! I'll fix this. I promise. Your grandkids
will be fine. I'll fix this.
***** ZBZ's
Ashleigh: This beyond sucks. Is this yours or mine?
Casey: Does it matter? With the space in that crappy little room all our
stuff is gonna be thrown together anyway.
Rebecca: Oh. Could you give me better ETA on when you're gonna be
completely out of here? I scheduled some movers to be here at 4:00,
but guess that's not gonna happen. But don't worry. I want you all
to take your time and let me know when this afternoon you're gonna have
your stuff out of here. Thanks.
Casey: You know, that's it. Screw this. [Downstairs] We gotta talk.
I've tried to be cool about this. I've tried not to get upset. But
this is me upset. I'm officially very upset. I know Rebecca's great
for us. Our alums love the idea of her. She gives us a jet. Bla bla bla...
But I can't take it anymore. She slept with my boyfriend. I took him
back. Now she's stealing my room. And all I've been is nice to her. I
know, except for the whole shirtless faculty member thing, which we've
already discussed was a mistake and we're past. I've given you two
years of dedication, and she's given me two weeks of hell. So you
have to choose. Her or me.
Frannie: Is this what friends do, Casey? Give each other ultimatums?
Casey: I'm sorry, Frannie, but I don't know what else to do.
Frannie: Okay. Let me consider this. On the one hand, we have you... Who
put this entire sorority in danger by hazing Rebecca.
Casey: I didn't think she'd finish the list.
Frannie: We could've been on probation, or even worse, made an example of
and suspended. You put yourself and your petty squabble with Rebecca
before the sorority.
Casey: Well, when you say it like that it sounds really bad.
Frannie: And on other hand, I have a senator's daughter and a jet.
Casey: Frannie... Look...
Frannie: The best thing I can do for you right now is...
forget this conversation ever happened. Because trust me. You don't
want me choose.
***** KT's
Rusty: Hey Capp'. Can I talk to you?
Cappie: Sure, what is it, buddy? Hey, can you do me a favor and
crouch down on all fours?
Rusty: Euh, okay.
Cappie: Thank you.
Rusty: I have to quit the fraternity.
Cappie: Relax, I'm almost done.
Rusty: No, I mean, I really have to quit Cappie. I can't manage Kappa
Tau and engineering. I was supposed to turn in this physics problem set,
but I didn't because of last night. Now I missed the deadline this
morning. I messed up my roommate because we were working on it together.
He's mad at me, and he won't even talk to me now...
Cappie: Rusty, school comes first.
Rusty: I know, so I can have the successful, professional future.
Cappie: No, so you won't get kicked out and you can stay here forever.
You know you could've skipped beer pong last night, right?
Rusty: But I wanted to make my pledge brothers like me.
Cappie: Relax, you belong here.
Rusty: Thanks. But it's too late.
Cappie: It's never too late. You didn't ask any of us for help.
Now go finish that test. You're not the first Kappa Tau who's missed
a deadline.
***** A hallway of a building campus
Professor: Oh! Don't tell me that's out of order.
Wade: [fixing an elevator] Yep, sorry. Gotta take the stairs.
Professor: [downstairs] I have to get to the parking lot.
Heath: [painting a door] No can do. Better go out that door and around.
***** Out on campus
Cappie: Let's get this right, guys. This is love tap 23. Love tap 23.
Break! [Playing football] 18, 24! 18, 24! Hike!
Professor: [falling with a box of papers] You damn frat boys,
you almost k*lled me! What are your names?
Cappie: We're very sorry sir...
Professor: What fraternity are you with?
Beaver: But, sir, we were just...
Professor: Names!
Cappie: We're the Omega Chis. My name is Evan Chambers. And you're
kind of being a pansy about all of this.
Rusty mixed his paper with the others. When the professor leaves, he
stops hiding behind a tree and joins his brothers.
Cappie: Don't look back.
***** ZBZ's - Night
Casey: I can't believe this is it. I'm gonna miss this room so much.
Ashleigh: Remember when we first moved in?
Casey: Three weeks ago? We were just down the hall last semester.
Ashleigh: Yeah, still. It's sad.
Casey: Is that... Oh, my god! That's disgusting.
Ashleigh: What is it? Who sent it?
Casey: I bet it's from Rebecca. Skank monster pulled a paris.
Ashleigh: She looks a little busy to be filming it herself. She
didn't do this. Someone else is holding the camera, and peeking in on
quite a show. Evan looks really hot...
Casey: Ash!
Ashleigh: Sorry, I'll delete it.
Casey: No, wait.
*****
Casey: Hey! Could I ask you for a favor?
Rebecca: I have a lot of stuff Frannie wanted me to finish in here.
Casey: Well, when you're done in here, you can get your stuff out of
my room.
Rebecca: You mean my room.
Casey: I just got an interesting text message.
Rebecca: Weight Watchers going mobile? Where did you get that?
Casey: What's more important is where it's going. I personally think
it'll look great on the internet.
Rebecca: You're blackmailing me?
Casey: No, I'm... Well, I guess I am. This is my first time. But this
obviously wasn't your first time. I took this psych class my freshman year,
and I'm willing to bet you didn't get attention from your dad
growing up. Want to get his attention now? Isn't he like a hardcore,
conservative, family values man?
Frannie: How's it going in here?
Casey: I gotta say, I think Rebecca and I just had a major breakthrough.
Wouldn't you say?
Rebecca: We're great.
Casey: Oh, oh, tell Frannie about the room.
Rebecca: I've decided, in the spirit of sisterhood...that I'm going
to take the smaller room.
Frannie: Oh!
Casey: And I haven't told either of you the best part.
Rebecca: You haven't?
Casey: I've decided that I'm going to be Rebecca's big sis.
Frannie: Oh, yay! Thank God! I knew you two would work it out.
Rebecca: You really want to start this?
Casey: It's already started. Get your crap out of my room, little sis.
***** A lecture hall - Day
Dale: This is pointless.
Rusty: Trust me, it's all taken care of.
Dale: Am I gonna go to jail?
Professor: I'm not going to grade these.
He threw away all the papers.
Professor: Welcome back. Looks like everyone has a seat, so the
problem set served its purpose. 30 of you dropped the class
as soon as the tests were distributed. Is it abusive? Probably.
This isn't high school. I'm not here to coddle you or inspire you.
I'm here to prepare you for some harsh realities. No one's going to
help you through life.
Rusty: So you hazed us.
Professor: Let's start with the basics. The kinetic theory of gases.
***** Dale and Rusty's room.
Rusty: It's open.
Casey: Hey.
Rusty: Hey. Come on in. I can't believe you're in my dorm room.
Casey: And I can't believe you have a confederate flag hanging on
your wall. Where are you heading all spiffied up?
Rusty: Big brother ceremony tonight at the house.
Casey: How did your problem set go?
Rusty: All worked out. I'm gonna do both.
Casey: I'm sorry, Russ. I have some juggling issues of my own.
Rusty: This world's new for you too.
Casey: Which one?
Rusty: Us.
Casey: I know. And I've already started. I can be...a ZBZ sister,
as well as your sister. I can be an... amalgam.
Rusty: Like you even know what that is.
Casey: Any blending or mixture of mercury with another metal or with
alloy. Like polymer science is that hard.
Casey fixed his tie and is now suiting him up.
Rusty: Thank you. All right? [Looking at him in the mirror, Casey behind].
Casey: [similing] Yeah.
End of episode.