ZBZ HOUSE – Dining room
Casey : Fluff up your pom-poms, ladies. This weekend our very own Titans are taking on the A&M Farmhands in the Basketball Conference Championship! There'll be tons going on this week. Starting tomorrow night with the Spirit Social at Dobler's and ending with the game on Saturday. Everyone, bring your Titan spirit!
Laura : Actually, a few slacking sisters didn't make study hours this week so they unfortunately can't attend the Spirit Social tomorrow night. The following pledges : Mandi, Brenda and Rebecca.
Casey : Who will be missing two of ZBZ's great traditions: supporting our basketball team and flirting with our basketball players.
Mandy : This is so not fair.
Laura : And it wouldn't be fair if you enjoyed the same privileges as girls who've pulled twice their weight.
Casey : Speaking of twice their weight.
Rebecca : Sorry, totally lost track of time. I was at Kappa Tau.
Casey : Where you've been every time there were study hours this week.
Rebecca : I have a 3.0. What, I have to be a Rhodes scholar now, too?
Casey : We'll be thinking of you when we're brushing up against our very hot, very agile basketball team. And the rest of you, I'll see at Dobler's.
Laura : Hold on, sorry. One more. An active. Ashleigh missed study hours this week, too.
Casey : Ash ?
KAPPA TAU HOUSE – Living room
Wade : Bedposts.
Cappie : Toughest roll in bowling. Spitter, come here. All right, you're gonna want to hit the seven pin at an angle, and launch it into the ten pin, right?
Rusty : Can I have an ibuprofen first?
Cappie : No pain, no ten bucks from Wade. Now, strap in. We are green for go.
Cappie : Come on! Keep going. Come on! Who told you? Ten bucks. Hold up. What was that? Was that the phone?
Beaver : It's the call!
Cappie : Nope, not the call. Constable. What seems to be the trouble?
Cop : You guys are over the designated Greek noise limit.
Cappie : Noise limit?
Cop : Yeah. I was just walking the Row when this little guy hit 82 D's right outside your house. I haven't seen readings like that since the Hannah Montana concert. And I don't apologize for being a fan.
Cappie : It's... It's the middle of the day! Yeah.
Cop : You boys stay out of treble.
Cappie : Treble. Good one. Yeah, shutting the door now.
Cop : I just said treble instead of trouble.
Cappie : Yeah. Because there's a B in it! My God, these restrictions! What's next? We'll have to stop throwing pledges off the roof?
Wade : Spitter, get it!
Rusty : By the glory of God and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, you have reached the CRU chapter of the Kappa Tau Fraternity. This is Pledge Cartwright...
Cappie : Spitter!
Rusty : Pledge Spitter speaking. To which brother may I direct your...
Wade : No, just ask who it is!
Rusty : Who's calling?
Wade : We haven't won in 25 years.
Rusty : Then we're due.
Cappie : Was it the ticket office?
Rusty : Yeah. We won some kind of lottery.
Cappie : Not just "some kind" of lottery, Spitter, but the best seats to the Conference Basketball Finals, where we will paint our faces, scream like idiots, and embarrass ourselves and our hallowed alma mater on national TV. Courtside!
All : Yeah!
Credits
ZBZ HOUSE – Ashleigh & Casey’s room
Casey : How could you skip Study Hours during Spirit Week?
Ashleigh : Spirit Week doesn't just happen, Case. It requires planning. Which means, as Social Chair, I have to sit in meetings with other Social Chairs to discuss fresh, fun places for Spirit Night. Because I missed study hours to do it, my reward is an evening sharing Cheesaritos and textbooks with a bunch of pledges while the rest of you party all night.
Casey : Wait. I'll be all alone. What if that Lambda Sig ass-clown Shane's at the Spirit Social tomorrow night? Who's going to sh**t dirty looks at him for me?
Ashleigh : I would've. My grades are great. Why do I have to do stupid study hours?
Casey : Rules suck. In the house, out of the house... Remember when we didn't have restrictions?
Ashleigh : When we didn't have party patrol stamping our hand that we're 21? I know I'm 21.
Casey : Or keg limits. Or curfews.
Ashleigh : I hate curfews! I miss boys raiding our fridge after parties. You think they miss our Hot Pockets?
Casey : I think I'm over all rules. Everywhere, ever. You know what? Screw it. You've done our house a huge service, Ashleigh Howard, so I'm granting you a presidential pardon on this week's study hours.
Ashleigh : Can you do that?
Casey : Well, I'm doing it now.
Ashleigh : I knew our friendship would pay off big time some day. Yeah!
CRU - Street
Tina : Hey, frat boy.
Rusty : Tina. You OK walking with the enemy?
Tina : Thanks to all my time around Dale, I'm learning to separate the sinner from the sin.
Rusty : You can't be spending that much time with him. I haven't seen you in weeks.
Tina : Did you miss me?
Rusty : Maybe. So, you probably hate basketball and think it's this gender-biased boys'club...
Tina : I love basketball! I actually play a pretty mean point guard. Very aggressive.
Rusty : I'd expect nothing less.
Dale : Hey, Rusty. Hey, U-SAG flier? Greeks are weak. Fight the power, brother.
Girl : Hey, they're gonna trash the leftover pizza at the World Hunger Club if anyone would like some!
Sanjay : Pizza. I'm done for the day.
Dale : Sanjay... Carol... You guys are faithless!
Rusty : Looks like anti-Greek sentiment has fizzled.
Dale : We just need a new approach. Hey, sir.
Man : Dale.
Dale : Could I interest you in a free stress test?
Man : Sure.
Tina : So, why were you asking me about basketball?
Rusty : The Conference Finals are Saturday. I was thinking maybe you'd want to go with me.
Dale : Where are you going?
Tina : I'd love to.
Rusty : Great. They're courtside seats. We can paint our faces or something.
Dale : How'd you get courtside? Tickets aren't on sale yet.
Rusty : It's this lottery thing, for all the houses.
Tina : You mean, only the Greeks were eligible?
Rusty : No, I mean, we can bring guests. So... Hey, what if we paint a "G" on my chest and an "O" on yours?
Dale : Rusty, you might want to rethink that.
Tina : Wait, why should your frats be rewarded for exclusivity?
Rusty : OK, because Greeks have always been the biggest supporters. And if you think about it, without our houses, U- SAG probably wouldn't exist.
Tina : So, we should thank polluters for spawning environmental groups?
Dale : Point, Tina.
Rusty : Which maybe I should contact since you decimated half a rainforest printing these fliers.
Dale : Nice volley Rus.
Tina : The frats won't print rush propaganda next year? Interesting.
Dale : This is like Wimbledon.
Rusty : Oh, my God.
Dale : He's a divine messenger.
Tina : Cool.
Cappie : Titans, halt. Hey, we're here for our Conference Championship tickets. You might have heard that, Kappa Tau is the winning house.
Man : Kappa Tau... You egged the Central State team bus last year, right?
Cappie : If we can expedite this, we're late for Dobler's.
Man : Sure. Uh-oh!
Cappie : What "uh-oh?" What's wrong?
Man : There's a problem with the tickets.
Cappie : No, no, there should be no... Can you check again? This is kind of the most important thing that's ever happened to us. So...
Man : I'm trying. It won't let me release them.
Cappie : Well...
Beaver : Give us the tickets!
Cappie : Beaver. Beaver, calm down. Calm down I'll take care. I'll take care of this. I am so sorry. Can you please just...
CRU - DOBLERS
Evan : Nice hat.
Cappie : I demand satisfaction.
Evan : Satisfaction?
Ashleigh : Where are you going?
Casey : It's Evan and Cappie.
Ashleigh : You're not dating either of them. Maybe one of them will throw a punch.
Cappie : I want our tickets!
Casey : Hey, guys. What's up?
Evan : Some, student group complained about Greeks being the only students in the ticket lottery so. After talks with the dean and consulting with the other houses...
Cappie : Skip to the part where we get our tickets.
Evan : Since we're still working to have the administration lighten up on us, we decided that making an issue of the tickets now could result in jeopardizing the bigger picture.
Casey : Which means we could lose the battle and the w*r.
Evan : Yeah. Our main focus has to be on ending the restrictions. And, as administration liaison, I have the dean's ear.
Cappie : His rear?
Evan : And what he wants is for us to toe the line. Now it's about playing by the rules.
Cappie : We have! There's been no brawling, no hazing, no drunken peeing in the Olympic pool...
Casey : I heard...
Cappie : We weren't drunk.
Casey :Look, Cap, we play ball now, down the road we'll be in the position to take back the reins. And the tickets.
Cappie : I don't want to play ball, I want to watch it, courtside! This weekend.
Evan : We're not sticking our necks out, and antagonizing the dean and the Board of Administrators just to free up your tickets. Besides, from what I've heard, the Kappa Taus have all the tickets they can handle.
Casey : Evan.
Cappie : Because the Kappa Taus still remember what it's like to have fun. You know fun, Evs? F-U...
Evan : "N"?
Cappie : Nope. That's it.
ZBZ HOUSE – Hallway
Casey : I learned so much from that center from Australia. Seven feet is so the new six-one.
Ashleigh : I know, right? Who knew it could be so hot talking straight into a guy's pecs?
Rebecca : Did I miss something? Are study hours no longer required?
Casey : We're talking, Becks. Who had the biggest hands? Number 22 or 46?
Rebecca : No, seriously. Why did Ashleigh get to go tonight while the rest of us sat around and pretended to study?
Casey : As ZBZ President, I pardoned her. Ashleigh missed study hours planning the social events. Not hanging out at Kappa Tau.
Rebecca : With your ex-boyfriend?
Casey : Which is totally irrelevant.
Rebecca : Right. What about the fact that she's your best friend? Is that irrelevant? No one asked any of the pledges if we had good excuses for not going. What are the rules on a president showing favoritism to her best friend?
Mandy : She's so awesome.
Brenda : I know. Right?
CRU – Dale & Rusty’s room
Rusty : Hey, did you have anything to do with the dean freezing our basketball tickets?
Dale : No, that was more Tina's idea. It's pretty great?
Rusty : Yeah, real great, Dale.
Dale : Rusty, U-SAG needed an issue to rally people and now we have one. We've got 90 signatures for a resolution to abolish the Greek ticket lottery altogether. We'll present it at the Board of Administrators meeting. Tina's out right now getting more signatures.
Rusty : Why can't you two just stop your as*ault on the Greeks?
Dale : Rusty, from Dionysus to your present-day acolytes, the Greeks have embraced nothing but sacrilege and lust. I can't stand by.
Rusty : These aren't real names.
Dale : What do you mean?
Rusty : Look. Colonel Mustard? Butts McGee?
Dale : All right, this one's real. Haywood Jablome.
Rusty : That's not how you pronounce that. I mean. Think about it.
Dale : All right, well, well, there's some jokers on here, but most of these are fine. Can you believe it? U- SAG's been reborn. Resurrections rock.
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining room
Rebecca : It's Watergate all over again.
Mandy : I know. I still can't believe she pardoned her and we couldn't go. It's so stupid.
Rebecca : Madam President.
Casey : This is ridiculous. I'm just going to apologize.
Ashleigh : Good idea.
Frannie : I wouldn't if I were you.
Casey : OK, everybody, it's time to clear the air. I admit it, I made a mistake. So there's only one thing I can do.
Rebecca : Resign?
Casey : Apologize. In my mind I was making a small exception for Ashleigh because of the work she was doing for the house, and I realize now it might seem unfair to not give the same treatment to everyone else. So for this week, I'm fully pardoning the rest of the pledges. I stepped over the line, and abused my position as president and I was wrong. I screwed up. And I'm sorry.
Frannie : Accepted, Case. No biggie.
Ashleigh : Works for me.
Casey : Thanks, everyone.
CRU - Street
Cappie : Why would you discuss the exclusively-Greek ticket lottery with the head of a group that hates Greeks?
Rusty : I was actually talking about it to a girl. I was trying to impress her. She's part of U-SAG, too. She's infuriating, but she's really kinda cute.
Cappie : Just like you, Spitter. Has it occurred to you that all the girls you like hate the Greeks? You should really talk to someone about that. But not your roommate. Listen, Spitter, don't sweat it, OK
We'll just make a virtue of this self-destructive vice of yours. Follow your heart. Stay close to Ms. U-SAG. See what their next move is.
Rusty : Be a spy. Like Jason Bourne.
Cappie : Or like the monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Rusty : What're you gonna do?
Cappie : I'm gonna handle the other part of the equation. All right, now run along, little monkey. Dean Bowman. Nice goat. Very distinguished.
Dean Bowman : It's a Van d*ke.
Cappie : How racy of you to say so, sir.
Dean Bowman : Make it quick, Mr. Cappie, I'm busy.
Cappie : OK, all right. OK, hypothetically, let's say a bully comes along and steals a boy's lunch, and now that boy is real hungry.
Dean Bowman : Tragic. The bully shouldn't be stealing lunches.
Cappie : You agree that the lunch be returned to the rightful owner.
Dean Bowman : Absolutely. Unless the rightful owner only had the lunch in the first place because he had exclusive rights to the sandwich shop.
Cappie : No said anything about a sandwich shop. Maybe he made the sandwich at home.
Dean Bowman : Maybe But that wouldn't fit the metaphor.
Cappie : Are we speaking metaphorically? OK, OK. We'd like our tickets back. And now I'm kind of hungry. I wouldn't mind some lunch.
Dean Bowman : The fate of the tickets is in the hands of the Board of Administrators. Personally, I believe the lottery should be rescinded permanently. The Greek system doesn't deserve special treatment, especially after last semester's incidents. This is all part of the new rules.
Cappie : Which are overkill!
Dean Bowman : Overkill or not, they're the rules. And we all have to live by them. Otherwise, there'd be chaos.
Cappie : Chaos?
Tina : No winning tickets with a Greek-only lottery. Thank you.
Rusty : Hey, Tina. What a coincidence. What are you doing here? I had no idea you'd be out here. What are you up to?
Tina : Getting signatures to bolster our position at the Board meeting. What are you up to?
Rusty : What makes you think I'm up to anything?
Tina : Because you're acting all nicey-nice. You still want to go to the basketball game together?
Rusty : Well, that's kind of tricky, since I no longer have any tickets. And you know that, because you're the reason that I and... and my brothers, we don't have any.
Tina : Well, you can still get some. Just wait in line like everybody else.
Rusty : I don't care that much about going to the game.
Tina : Then why did you ask me to go with you? You're really not making much sense, Rusty.
Rusty : Oh, my God!
ZBZ HOUSE - Bathroom
Casey : Excited about the game, Mandi? You going?
Mandi : I don't know.
Casey : Well, you're totally free and clear to go and have fun.
Rebecca : Thanks, Big Sis. How presidential of you.
Brenda : Can I skip study hours next week, Casey? I need to help plan our philanthropy project.
Rebecca : That sounds like a good excuse to me.
Casey : I screwed up. I said so. There will be no more exceptions. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Mandi : But wait. My boyfriend is gonna be in town for a few days. I want to spend as much time with him as possible.
Brenda : Is boyfriend time a pardonable offense?
Mandi : He's pre-med. We could practice CPR during study hours then I could teach it to the house.
Rebecca : Excellent!
Casey : OK, you guys, can't we just let this go?
Mandi : Yeah, sure. I mean, it's not like my love life is more important than giving your BFF the opportunity to ogle hot jocks at Dobler's.
Casey : Thanks a lot.
Rebecca : Pardon me? You were saying?
CRU - Street
Dean Bowman : Thanks. Good night. Thank you. Have a good evening. Jeez.
Wade : You are way above the Greek noise limit!
Dean Bowman : Hysterical. Now get out of here.
Cappie : Before we do sir, if you wouldn't mind blowing into this before you drive your lovely date home.
Dean Bowman : I will not. What is this?
Cappie : That? That's a 500-dollar ticket.
Dean Bowman : In crayon?
Beaver : I noticed you had a keg in there. According to campus regulations you were supposed to check Ids and pass out wristbands.
Dean Bowman : Everyone was over 50.
Beaver : How'd you know if you didn't card 'em?
Dean Bowman : We all need to live by the rules.
Cappie : Your exact words, if I'm not mistaken.
Wade : Exact words.
Dean Bowman : Excuse me, Sloan. And your solution to rules you don't like would be...?
Cappie : Change them?
Dean Bowman : You really willing to do what it takes to change the rules?
Cappie : OK, but no kissing. It's too personal.
Dean Bowman : If you want your tickets back, come to the Board of Administrators meeting tomorrow afternoon. Present your case.
Cappie : Great, we'll talk some b-ball. Get our tickets back before the game.
Dean Bowman : We're not just talking about the ticket lottery.
Cappie : We're not?
Dean Bowman : No. I plan to recommend that all the restrictions be made permanent. You argue the Greek position. If you can convince the board, you win, the tickets are yours and the Greeks will get all their privileges back.
Cappie : And, if I don't convince them?
Dean Bowman : You lose it all. For good. Good night.
Cappie : Good night.
Beaver : 'Night.
Wade : Drive safely.
Dean Bowman : Thanks.
KAPPA TAU HOUSE – Living room
Evan : Well, nice work, man. You made this a huge deal when it didn't need to be.
Cappie : Must use last b*mb wisely.
Evan : Are you listening? Now the fate of the entire Greek system is in the hands of a flaky, alcoholic degenerate.
Cappie : I am not an alcoholic. I'm Skulltar, intergalactic hero.
Evan : Look, I typed these up for you, Cappie. They're talking points for today. Consider them damage control and a gift.
Cappie : Do not need them. I've got a gravity blaster with an entropy shield. I should be fine.
Evan : Point n°1: "Greeks provide housing that the school will have to make up for should restrictions drive students from rush."
Cappie : Point two: "The Chrilon Nebula is the source of all planetary grief." Hey! All right. I think I'll be just fine without your talking points. Go paddle up your back channel, Evan-escence. Leave the up-front stuff to me.
Evan : You're playing Fight Night, Skulltar.
Cappie : I am?
CRU - DOBLERS
Evan : I don't even get a "hello" anymore? I'm gonna really have to rethink this whole friendship thing, Case.
Casey : I didn't even see you there. I guess I'm a little distracted.
Evan : Go ahead, sit down. I could use a break.
Casey : Sorry, I... Force of habit.
Evan : It's OK. It's not mine.
Casey : So, what are you doing?
Evan : Background check on the professors on the Board of Administrators. Seeing if there's any strings I can pull. I might have to do some influence peddling.
Casey : You really think Cappie's going to t*nk this thing? Well, the Zbzs will be in the front row to show our support.
Evan : Yeah, no offense, but I think the Zbzs should probably lay low on this one. Just 'cause we don't want to remind the board where all the restrictions started.
Casey : Right. Rules suck.
Evan : Yeah.
Casey : I think we should make a rule against rules.
Evan : You would have my vote.
Casey : I could use it. I sort made this presidential decision that the girls aren't too keen on. Rebecca called me out and the reaction has been crazy. I apologized, but no one's buying it.
Evan : What'd Frannie say?
Casey : You're not serious.
Evan : I know Frannie's made some pretty big mistakes, but she and I talked a bit during the ZBZ days. She actually gave me some really good advice. People can surprise you.
CRU – Dale & Rusty ‘s room
Rusty : Hey.
Tina : Hey, yourself.
Dale : Behold, Rusty. The U-SAG heart beats strong. Hey, Sanjay, give me my phone sheet. I'm gonna roll some calls.
Sanjay : U- SAG, Greeks are weak.
Tina : I'll get the phone sheet.
Dale : Yeah, thank you.
Rusty : Dale, this is our room, not yours.
Dale : I'm trying to calculate how much funds we have for a media buy.
Tina : Sorry.
Rusty : Dale, why are you doing this to me?
Dale : More boldface. Go crazy with the boldface. To you? Rusty, this is for you, OK? The way I see it, I'm saving your peeps from eternal damnation. I'm your own personal "Get Out of Hell Free" card.
Rusty : Why are you wearing a suit?
Dale : It's for my speech.
Rusty : Your speech?
Tina : We got 300 signatures.
Dale : I am the vessel through which those voices must be heard.
ZBZ HOUSE – Living room
Casey : Frannie, can I talk to you?
Frannie : Of course. What's up?
Casey : I was hoping I could get some advice about the house.
Frannie : Absolutely. Anything I can do.
Casey : It's about the whole study hours debacle.
Frannie : Some of the girls are starting to dismiss you? Disregard you?
Casey : Yep.
Frannie : Case, there's a reason why bees have a queen. Otherwise, it's just a big hive mentality. The girls are starting to question your authority and you need to stop the swarm before they revolt.
Casey : You're saying I've lost control?
Frannie : You will if you keep trying to win them over with honey. You're the president, poodle. You're not one of them anymore.
Casey : But how do I turn this back around? I said I was sorry publicly.
Frannie : Did President Ford apologize for pardoning Nixon?
Casey : No.
Frannie : Do you think you were wrong to pardon Ashleigh?
Casey : Not completely.
Frannie : Then stop apologizing. They want their pound of flesh. Hell, they'll take every pound you give them. But they don't need it. One pound is all they get. Set up a forum, let them vent, and then shut them down.
Casey : Vent, shut down.
Frannie : You can't show people where they need to go if you don't step out in front.
KT HOUSE – Cappie’s room
Rebecca : Admit it. A little humble pie now and then is good for Princess Cartwright.
Cappie : You know my stance on Ex and Becks fighting.
Rebecca : I know, you're Switzerland. That's a big no on the headdress, Pocahontas.
Cappie : Come on. I'll score points with the anthropology professor. Spitter, what do you think? Native American headdress or Scottish kilt? Maybe both.
Rusty : Forget the costumes, Cappie. You need to focus on your speech. Because U-SAG is gaining some serious traction and Dale's gonna be speaking for them against you at the meeting today.
Cappie : Well, I'll just have to go naked, then.
Rebecca : Welcome to 40 minutes ago.
Rusty : This isn't a joke, Cap. Dale's got a secret w*apon.
Cappie : You've never seen me naked.
Rusty : It's this girl, Tina. She is relentless, man. She's constantly disagreeing, taking the opposite position, saying these really annoying things in this gratingly reasonable tone with this chestnut brown hair and this all-innocent smile and these amazingly intens eyes that just lock onto you like she's trying to bend a spoon, and she wears this hypnotic perfume...
Rebecca : Oh, my God, just have sex with her already. I'm about to puke.
Rusty : Sex with her? I'm gonna k*ll her!
Rebecca : It's perfectly reasonable to be attracted to someone you can't stand.
Cappie : Rugh?
Rebecca : Not you, sweetie.
Cappie : What my little siren is saying, Rus, is the only way you're gonna get Tina off your mind, is if you... do something about it.
Rusty : Like what?
Cappie : Well, a date is a good place to start. Why don't you go buy her a malt?
Rebecca : He's really hopeless. Just like his sister.
Cappie : I'm Switzerland. What do you think of this?
Rebecca : That's not mine.
Cappie : I know, it's mine.
ZBZ HOUSE – Living room
Casey : I gathered everyone who may still have issues about the... study hours situation, so that each of you may have a chance to air your grievances.
Mandy : And the cat is here why?
Casey : Let's call this "a kitty passing." This is your chance to speak with impunity.
Frannie : Like the conch in Lord of the Flies.
Casey : Whoever holds Pussywillow the Cat speaks. Everyone else listens. Say your piece, then pass her to the next girl. Laura, we'll start with you.
Laura : Thanks. I think that what you did, Casey, was awful. You undermined my office of Scholarship Chair, and you infected this house with a cancer from which it may never be cured. Proud to be a Zeta Beta.
Ashleigh : Well, I think Laura here should get a boyfriend or a hobby. Unless looking for a boyfriend is her hobby.
Laura : Bite me!
Ashleigh : I've got the conch!
Casey : Everyone, sit down now!
Ashleigh : Because you trashed Casey.
ZBZ Girl : Because Casey messed up.
Ashleigh : Wait your turn.
Laura : I spoke with impunity.
Ashleigh : I spoke with impunity, too!
Casey : It's OK.
Ashleigh : Shut up! Sorry, Casey.
ZBZ Girl : This is so lame.
Mandy : Yeah, I guess only actives get to shout.
Casey : What's that smell?
Ashleigh : Pussywillow!
Laura : You had Pussywillow last. Your fault.
Ashleigh : My fault?
Laura : Yeah!
Ashleigh : That should be minus hours.
Casey : Girls! Everyone has had their say.
Rebecca : Well, I didn't.
Casey : That wasn't a question. We're moving on. You can start by putting these chairs away. Study hours are still mandatory. For everyone. Check the letters on the front of the house. This is Zeta Beta Zeta, the best house on campus. Don't act like anything less ever again.
CRU – Tina’s room
Tina : Rusty, hi. What are you doing here?
Rusty : I brought you a malt.
Tina : Look, Rusty, if you're here to get a preview of Dale's speech...
Rusty : I'm not.
Tina : Then why are you here?
Rusty : To bring you a malt.
Tina : I don't think so.
Rusty : Why do you think I'm here?
Tina : You tell me.
Rusty : No, because whatever I say, you'll disagree with it.
Tina : Is that a problem?
Rusty : Should it be?
Tina : Are you as turned on right now as I am?
Rusty : You smell good. Are you sure?
Tina : Shut up.
Rusty : I'm OK...
EXT. CRU
Strickers : This is why we must picket. Lose the Greeks and their tickets! Greeks deserve to have some fun. Babes and courtside, number one! Greeks deserve to have some fun. Babes and courtside, number one! This is why we must picket. Lose the Greeks and their tickets!
Beaver : Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!
CRU - Meeting
Dale : So, what do you do when a system, a society, doesn't work? Do you just allow it to consume itself, to take down those around it? No. You fix it, but not by turning the job over to the very same men and women who destroy it in the first place.
Dean Bowman : Thank you, Mr. Kettlewell. Your remarks were insightful and...
Dale : It makes me wonder what God would've done in a similar situation. Like, I don't know, Sodom and Gomorrah?
Dean Bowman : Our next speaker is Mr. Cappie.
Dale : Then the Lord rained down fire and brimstone, turning their cities to ashes and condemning them to destruction." I'm just paraphrasing Genesis.
Dean Bowman : Mr. Cappie, are you ready?
Dale : That's right, the big G flew in, cleaned house and took names. You know what, if he can smite a sodomite every now and then, why can't we do the same? Why can't we make our world a better place by getting rid of them? Sodom and Gomorrah, fraternities and sorities, Greeks and goblins, Cheech & Chong, these are the same hippie lettuce smoking enemies of righteousness that we shoul ship right back to old Scratch himself! Return to sender! Yeah! Hey, I was great. I was great.
Dean Bowman : Mr. Cappie? Two minutes.
Cappie : Strangely, I agree with the crazy person here. We Greeks can often be irresponsible and reckless. But I don't regret anything I've done and neither should anybody here, because screwing up is what college is all about. Learning from your mistakes and all that. Yet, if you deny us our chances to fail now, it's gonna be a lot harder for us to play catch-up in the future. Honestly, what's worse, hooking up with Dean Bowman's secretary now or fooling around with your boss'wife later on? Let's take you, for example. You look like you might have been interesting a long time ago.
Man : You'd know, if you hadn't dropped my class.
Cappie : But even if I stuck around, wouldn't you agree, no matter how great your class, it would still be a very, very small part of the college experience?
Man : Yes, maybe, but...
Dean Bowman : Time! We will consider your presentation, Mr. Cappie.
Cappie : Dean Bowman, I'm not finished yet. Sorry.
Dean Bowman : The rules.
Evan : Dean Bowman, as Greek liaison I'd like to be allowed two minutes to speak?
Dean Bowman : Fine, Mr. Chambers.
Evan : I was gonna talk about housing, philanthropies, student funds, but, I'm realizing that had Cappie been allowed to exten his rare moment of lucidity, you would have realized that he was right. Professor Hebert, in school you founded Student Anarchists Disunited. If the government was looking over your shoulder, you'd be the first to chain yourself to a building.
Man : Because S.A.D. stood for something!
Evan : Like loyalty.
Man : Yeah!
Evan : Friendship, brotherhood. Professor Adams, you went Psi Phi at CRU and became a campus legend whe you put A&M's cow in the bell tower. That's an interesting way to start a career as a world-renowned zoologist. And let's not forget another significant figure in this room, who back in the day... Well, let's just say he majored in psychoactive horticulture? He was evicted from three dorms in a semester. If anyone need 24/7 restrictions, it would be this guy. What if he wasn't allowed to make those mistakes, and there was quite a few. Would he have spent his entire life overseeing the well-being young people? I mean, would you... Dean Bowman?
Dean Bowman : I think we've heard enough. Meeting adjourned.
CRU - DOBLERS
TV : ... heading to the North, where we're two hours away from the A&M Farmhands meeting up with the CRU Titans. This game has huge playoff implications.
Evan : Everybody, listen up. The restrictions have been lifted!
Casey : Congratulations. Somebody's riding high.
Evan : Not high enough, though. I may have saved the Greek system, but unfortunately that includes the Kts.
Casey : It's a small price to pay. I mean, you're a hero. And a great advisor. Thanks to your recommendation, I consulted Frannie, and she was instrumental in helping me regain trust, authority, and control at the house.
Evan : Great.
Frannie : You suggested I talk to Casey?
Evan : Yes, I did.
Frannie : Well, thank you. Here's to everything working out for the best.
Man : A toast for getting those restrictions off our backs. To Evan Chambers!
Wade : To Cappie! No restrictions and awesome basketball tickets!
Cappie : Courtside seats, baby. Spitter, you had sex!
Rusty : How do you do that?
Cappie : Well, it's a gift and a curse.
Rusty : It's weird to like and not like someone at the same time.
Cappie : Yeah, tell me about it.
Mandy : It's gonna be long time I still don't like her.
Rebecca : Thank you.
CRU – Dale & Rusty’s room
Rusty : Hey. How you doing, Dale?
Dale : In the wake of today's landmark decision? I've disbanded U-SAG.
Rusty : I'm sorry and I'm not sorry, if you know what I mean.
Dale : Yeah, it's all right. I mean, but it wasn't really working, anyway. Hey, you hear that?
Rusty : It's your speech.
Dale : Yeah. Somebody must've put it on the Internet.
Internet : ... both the enemies of righteousness It sounds like
Dale : They're really responding to it next door.
Rusty : Sure, Dale.
Dale : So, you must be thrilled. A big victory for the Greeks, you don't have to deal with Tina anymore. Kettlewell. Hey, Tina. You missing the cause already or... What? Yeah, hold on. She wants to talk to you. Are you guys friends or something now?
Rusty : Not exactly.
KT HOUSE - Party
Cappie : What a game. Hey, Beaver, rember when you dropped your pants at halftime?
Beaver : That was you.
Wade : Hey, what's harder to believe? That we lost? Or that Bowman used to smoke the hippie lettuce?
Beaver : Although, I thought his eyes seemed red once.
Cappie : That's only one more reason he deserves our respect. He was a formidable opponent. Everyone, can I have your attention, please? This to Dean Bowman, this one is for you.
Beaver : I got it.
Cappie : Wait... Beaver... Beaver, don't...!
Beaver : Something's on fire.