04x07 - Mac + Desi + Riley + Aubrey

[bunniefuu]

♪ Vacation, all I ever wanted

♪ Vacation, had to get away...

Whoa. Check this out.

Eh?

"Inspired by the European reception halls of the 19th century..." I see it.

"The king first commissioned this royal hall at the turn of the 20th century."

You want to check out the night markets?

No, this is great. Yeah.

Picture?

Okay. With the cool sword.Okay. Yeah.

Smile.

Mac.

Why does she look familiar?

Karenni activist Pinapa Chaiveera.

She's been on the news lately for protesting deplorable conditions on the Burmese border in refugee camps.

It looks like she's being arrested.

I've seen Brokedown Palace.

Once she's in prison, she is not getting out.

We're supposed to be on vacation.

On the bright side, we freed her.

Quick. In here. Quick.

Okay, we need a way out.

Um... All right.

I think I got an idea.

Gotta get over here.

I need your bra.

Oh, baby, I think I need it more than you.

Underwires are made of malleable nickel titanium.

By winding it through the fuse box, electrifying the wrench, I should be able to k*ll power to the whole place, giving us a chance to run away.

How did you do that so fast?

Every woman on the planet can.Right.

Sorry. Thank you.Mm-hmm.

Would these help?

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

You ready?

God, I missed blowing things up.

Happy anniversary, babe.

So...

You both work at a think t*nk, huh?

Yes. I-I'm an engineer. She's a language specialist.

Did you meet at work?

No, we were both volunteering at the animal shelter and we liked the same puppy.

What was the name of the puppy?

Gizmo.

And the breed?

Oh, come on. Nobody's gonna ask us that.

I'm being thorough.

All right.

You got to work on your accent.

You sound like a constipated cowboy.

You have two hours to get your story straight.

That man will question you and dig into your past like a famished jackal.

It's just Riley's boyfriend. It's not like we're infiltrating the Kremlin. We're going on a double date.

MacGYVER: Yeah, he's an accountant. What's he gonna do?

Our taxes?

You must maintain your covers.

Not just for Riley, but for the survival of our organization.

At least the whole dating part of your cover is real.

Yeah, hang on. W-What was that?

Those little microexpressions. You two aredating?

Yes, of course we are.

It's just that...

It's just that we haven't really been on a "date" date since before we broke up.

Seriously?

Mac... Uh, well, it's a little hard with all the chaos and saving the world stuff we do around here.

Well, tonight you can enjoy a well-deserved night off. Hmm?

Where are you going tonight?

Aubrey got us a reservation at a pop-up restaurant called... uh, something French.

Uh, Fork. Spoon.

La Belle... Cuillère?

Yeah. You're joking.

Chef Salvatore is a world-renowned culinary artist.

I've called in every favor and I'm still on the damned wait list. Right.

We are finished here.

Just remember your covers.

And act like a couple.

Hmm? We are a couple.

Yeah. A normal couple.

Well, you look nice.

So do you.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

♪ I don't want a place to stay

♪ Make my day

♪ Make my day...

Okay, you're nervous.

That's your mission pump-up music.

Yes, okay. I'm nervous.

Russ actually kind of got into my head back there.

We're a normal couple, Mac. We can handle a date.

What if the only thing that works for us is the adrenaline?

No.

We don't need to be on a mission to enjoy each other's company.

Just, no work.

A nice dinner with friends.

And to prove it, we will leave our phones in the car.

Yeah. Mm?

We can do this. Oh, you know what?

I see your phone and I raise you my Swiss Army Kn*fe.

How about that? Oh. Yeah?

You sure about that? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

You know what we're gonna do tonight?

Kick this date's ass.

Yeah, we are.

Names, please.

Uh, Desiree Nguyen and Angus MacGyver.

Real names, please.

Those are our real names.

Welcome to La Belle Cuillère.

Riles.

Oh. Hey. Oh...

Hey, guys.

Glad you could make it. DESI: Hi.

You got your covers straight, right? Do not worry.

We are so good. We're a normal couple.

Stop saying that. Right, sorry.

You must be Mac. Yeah, sorry. I am...

I'm a, I'm a hugger. Yeah.

Ah...

I am a language specialist. That last one was Vietnamese.

You never told us he spoke so many languages.Yeah.

Oh. Oh, I grew up all over the world.

Yeah. Army brat turned accountant.Mm-hmm.

Nothing as exciting as you guys, though, working for a global think t*nk?

Eh... Riley said you guys just got back from, uh, where was it? Uh, Moldova?

Yeah. Renovating a factory.

Oh. Oh, I thought you-you said you were consulting at a health clinic.

That, too. Little bit of both. It was a busy trip.

Sounds action-packed.

You could say that.

You want to go get a drink? Mm-hmm.

See you guys.

Okay.

It's great. Yes. Oh, great.

One sh*t of whiskey straight up, and one bubblegum cosmotini spritzer for the lady.

Thank you.

I remember having to lie to Bozer about that stuff all the time.

It's so hard. I don't know how Riley's doing it.

She likes him.

She just wants a life outside the Phoenix.

Good luck with that.

It'll get easier, I promise.

Let's just have fun and relax. Yeah? Okay.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you your provider this evening of gastronomic excellence, Chef Salvatore.

For our first course: yartsa gunbu mushrooms sprouted from the petrified bodies of ghost moth caterpillars.

Bon appétit.

MacGYVER: It's so tiny.

We have this thing where we make a fancy dinner at home and then we match the movie to the meal.

It's my favorite night of the week.

Mine, too.Mm-hmm.

Every week?

Yeah.

You do it every week?

We have a thing, too. Don't we?

MacGYVER: Do you see those guys over there?

They've got comms and g*ns.

It's probably security. It's a rough neighborhood.

Turn off your work brain. We're on a date, remember?

Yes. Okay.

Our next course features the exquisitely rare fifth talon of the Pashtun quail.

Enjoy.

If I add water, will it get bigger?

Hey. Brought you a bottle, compliments of Chef Salvatore.

Hey.Hey. Aw.

Uh, this is my good friend Chad from New York, and the owner of La Belle Cuillère.

Oh, no. That's all this guy.

Hey, perk of being an owner is you get to have a table every night if you want it. If I did that, I'd, uh, I'd never see a return on my investment, now, would I?

Wha... You're an owner?

Just a co-owner.

You didn't tell me you were co-owner of a restaurant.

It's just a side hustle.

You know, no big deal. CHAD: Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to, uh, spill the beans.

But it was nice to meet everyone.

Please, enjoy the wine.

Thank you. Nice to meet you. You, too.

It's a cool place.

Leave it.

Please, just turn off your Mackey-sense.

What? I need to go to the bathroom.

Huh? I can't do that?

Not if you're following those guys.

What guys?

Scout's honor.

Don't thr*aten me in my own restaurant.

It's crazy.

Sorry, Dez.

Take it easy, take it easy.

You're gonna get me my money, and I'm not gonna ask twice.

You understand? Yes!

You dragged me all the way over here to look at a velocipede?

Oh, my God, I hate being a millennial.

That's a penny-farthing. And no, I dragged you over here because I overheard Aubrey's partner Chad in the kitchen.

He was being threatened by that guy with the, uh, the hand tattoo.

How'd you see all that from the bathroom?

I feel like you're grabbing onto the wrong details here.

I feel like you said you wouldn't follow those guys, but you lied, and now your little Boy Scout pants are on fire.

Chad is in trouble, I'm telling you.

Introducing your main course for this evening: a 2001 vintage agneau rôti...

Ah, yeah... he looks pretty messed up.

I swear he had a Kn*fe to his throat three minutes ago.

Are you really this bored, Mac?

No. I-I just don't want anyone to get hurt.

It happened, Dez. I'll prove it.

I take it you've never worked in a restaurant before.

Kn*fe to the throat is nothing.

A sous-chef tried to stuff me in a pizza oven once.

Look, if you're in trouble, we can help you. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine.

I know you're friends of Aubrey's, so I'll let it slide this time, but... please, stay out of my kitchen.

What? I'm not being paranoid. Am I?

Paranoid about what?

Where'd you come from? Nothing.

You sure?

Everything is cool? We're great.

Everything's great.Okay.

Hey, thanks for keeping up your covers back there.

I know it's a lot to ask.

We got your back, Riles. Okay? And as far as Aubrey's concerned, we're just a normal, boring-ass couple on a boring-ass date.

You guys are gonna screw this up for me, aren't you?

Never.

It's fine.

I'll meet you guys at the table. If you'll excuse me.

All right.

Normal, huh?

Chad would like to invite you all to an exclusive sampling of delicacies in the tasting room.

Sounds amazing. You two go ahead. I'll wait for Desi.

Okay. All right. Right this way.

Psst. Psst. Bro-ski.

Got some contraband for you.

These fancy places, they never feed you right.

Tell me about it. Bless you, sir.

Bad date, right?

I'm stuck with a dud on my hands, too.

Uh, no. Actually, my girlfriend's amazing.

Sorry, Mac.

MacGYVER: I'm out of practice with the whole dating thing.

I-I just feel like I can't relax and I'm blowing it.

I hear you, dude. Listen, I blew it permanently.

I'm divorced. Now I'm dating, too.

Speed dating, Internet, slow dating.

Anything, anything to... not be alone on a Friday night.

You know?

Where's Aubrey and Riley? In the tasting room.

We're supposed to be meeting them.

You want some of this? I heard silenced g*nshots through the vent in the bathroom.

You're hilarious. No, you were right, something's up.

I get it, Dez. You're messing with me.

Look at me.

This is my serious face.

It's your everything face.

Sorry. I know what I heard, okay?

We need to check it out. Okay, fine. Now who's being paranoid?

We need to create a distraction to clear the kitchen.

Let me borrow your cell phone. I told you I didn't bring it.

Looks like somebody snuck their cell phone out of the glove box.

Looks like somebody who just accused another person of sneaking their phone out of a glove box also snuck... you know what, forget it, I'm too hungry.

Okay, we have about two minutes before the chocolate melts... and the lithium in the battery mixes with the oxygen in the air, causing it to catch fire.

Try not to burn down the whole place.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

There you go.

Excuse me, sir, that woman's purse appears to be smoking. We got a 10-70 in the dining room.

Copy that. On my way.

Ma'am, get up, get up now. Come on, get up.

Watch out!

It's burning!

Come on!

Hey.

Look. Huh?

That's pretty good.Mmm...

This place is amazing.

I just don't get why you didn't tell me you were a co-owner.

Ah.

To be honest, I was afraid.

Why?

I... I just wanted to make sure it succeeded before I told you.

I didn't want you to ever associate me with failure.

Ever since I've met you, I...

Oh, my God, I can't explain it...

I...

I want adventure, I want to do something big.

So I decided to... take a crazy risk and... invest in a restaurant.

I'm attracted to you... not your success.

Okay?

Okay.

No more secrets, I promise.

There's... there's something I should tell you, too.

I... I...

If I have to hear another speech about your relationship, I'm sh**ting everybody in this room... including myself. Uh, if it's money you want... we don't have it.

What I want is a cigarette.

What I need is for you to shut up.

I'm Donovan, by the way.

I'm Chad's other business partner.

More of a, uh... a silent partner, really...

Till Chad stole $2 million of my money.

I-I don't know anything about that.

You see, Chad says he has the money in a restaurant account, and that you control access.

Either you return my money... or I'm gonna k*ll the love of your life.

Look, I'll get you the money.

But-but I just need my Forta-Key to access the account, and it's, uh, it's at home.

Why didn't you just call it a "security device," huh?

Lead the way. Come on.

Watch your fingers.

Well, looks like the trail ends here.

I told you.

I swear I didn't know anything about this.

Yeah. I believe you.

What is that?

I boosted the big guy's phone.

The scary guy with the g*n?

You stole his phone? Yes.

Where did you learn to pickpocket a phone?

High school. Oh.

Ran with the wrong crowd.

What-what are you doing?

I'm using the edge of the scissor jack to cut the ropes.

Also high school.

I can't find Aubrey and Riley.

And the guy with the hand tattoo's gone. Well, that can't be a coincidence. We need to call the cops.Yeah.

Hey! You can't be in here!

Get out of the way!

Show me your hands!

LAPD, off duty.

At least we were. Put your hands up and step away from the body.

This is not what it looks like.

It looks like you're about to be under arrest for m*rder.

Yeah.

I'm in.

Let me guess.

Juvey.

I'm kidding.

Are you texting the police?

No, I'm texting Mac.

Mac?

He's an engineer... What's he gonna do?

Build something that's gonna get us out of trouble?

You'd be surprised.

Look, we'll give you our boss's number.

You can call him.

He'll explain everything. Great, we can do that down at the station while you're sitting in the cell next to a guy with no pants on.

Look, if you think that scares me, you're absolutely right.

I looked everywhere.

There's no sign of their friends.

We told you they're in trouble.

Homicide's ten minutes out.

Good.

Come here.

Once those detectives get here, they're gonna keep us in interrogation for hours.

Yeah, and whoever took Aubrey and Riley will be long gone.

Hey, lovebirds, you might want to shut it till you get a lawyer.Aw.

He thinks we're lovebirds, that's so cute.

We are definitely not lovebirds.

She'd much rather spend the evening cage-fighting with her MMA girlfriends than hang out with me.

You're picking a fight right now?

I most certainly am, Desiree.

Maybe it's because I don't want to sit on the couch all day watching Rick and Morty!

Do not speak ill of him. Who?

Rick Sanchez from Earth dimension C-137.

No one should know that much about a cartoon!

It's called adult animation!

So sorry about this.

Whew.

Damn it, it's happening again.

Are you as turned on as I am?

Yeah.

It's Riley.

S-O-S, we need to go find help now.

Come on. Perfect timing.

Yes, just perfect.

My mother and I both had our obsessions.

Mine was money, hers was Margaret Thatcher paraphernalia.

I think they were a desperate attempt to fill the hole that my father left.

My dear papa...

Hey, Taylor, I've got Mac on the phone for you. Ooh.

Should I come back? Oh, no.

It's all right.

Angus, tell me everything.

Start with the first course.

Okay, so Riley and Aubrey were kidnapped by a guy named Donovan.

In his 40s, Caucasian.

He has a snake tattoo on his right hand.

He's taking them to their apartment... I need you to find out anything and everything that you can about this guy. Wait, seriously?

Yes!

On it.

♪ Let 'em say we're crazy

♪ I don't care about that

♪ Put your hand in my hand

♪ Baby, don't ever look back

♪ Let the world around us...

Wow, you can butter me up all you want, I still want my $2 million.

It was for her.

Eva, standard lights, music off.

Man, everything about this place bothers me.

Where's your security thing?

It's in my laptop case.

Here.

You got five minutes.

You try anything, she dies.

Just like your boy Chad.

Let's go, come on.

Aubrey?

Is something wrong?

The money's gone.

I-I swear it was in there yesterday.

Chad must have emptied the account.

Then you're of no use to me.

Eva, search the Web for the best place to dispose of bodies in Los Angeles.

Oh, God, no!

No, no... What do you guys think?

Oh, God, no! Huh, Lu?

Bathtub?

Give me ten minutes and I'll have your $2 million.

I don't know.

Lu, what do you think?

I'm a hacker.

I go by Artemis37.

I've broken into the NSA.

China.

Ever heard of a nasty little bug called Cannibal?

That was me.

So wherever Chad hid the money, I guarantee I can find it.

Hmm.

You got ten minutes.

Riley...

Hey, guys, what's taking so long?

Well, it's just me and Bozer here.

Matty isn't even picking up.

And even though it is a Friday evening, I find that a bit peculiar, don't you think?

Taylor, focus!

Okay, CCTV from the restaurant shows Riley and Aubrey being forced into the trunk of a 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle, registered to one Donovan James O'Malley, a notorious enforcer for the Triads.

Yeah, that's the guy who threatened Chad.

What? That's the whitest guy I've ever seen. Hang on.

I thought you said I was the whitest guy you'd ever seen. What I mean is, why is this guy working for the Chinese Mafia?

Ah, well, the pursuit of love does make people a little bit insane.

Donovan married his high school sweetheart, Jennifer Kwok.

Daughter of Hong Kong's brutal Triad leader.

Looks like Donovan rose through the ranks after that, carrying out hits.

If Aubrey is in trouble with the Triads, we are going to need all the help that we can get.

No argument there.

Apparently Donovan likes fingers.

As in, collecting them as trophies.

You know, my wife used to have that same nail polish.

What is that, Metallic Maven?

Titanium Temptress?

Metallic Maven.

Huh. RILEY: Looks like Chad opened an offshore account in the Caymans.

These are some of the most secure banks in the world.

It's gonna take a minute.

That's their place.

I'll do some recon. No need.

Riley just did it for us.

She hacked their smart TV.

I knew those things were watching us.

It's the Illuminati.

I told you. What?

No. Looks like if we go through that window, they won't see us.

Yeah, but since they're armed, we shouldn't go in empty-handed.

This might get gross.

If I had a dime for every date night that ended with that warning.

MacGYVER: The key elements to any great distraction are sound and light... Ping-Pong balls are shaped by soaking sheets of celluloid in a hot alcohol solution, which makes the material extremely flammable.

By creating a fuse out of butane and a coffee filter, you have a recipe for the perfect distraction.

Ticktock, ticktock.

Yeah, I'm working on it.

Look... I'm in.

I just need the account numbers for the transfer.

Okay.

What took you so long?

Desi and I got arrested.

It was a whole thing.

Who are you guys?

I'm an engineer. Language specialist.

Come on. MacGYVER: Riley, you want to take this?

Yeah.

Aubrey, the thing is, we're actually...

Donovan, you are one knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, sorry excuse for a human man.

I'm here for my $2 million.

Wait, I-I was stealing her money?

Hello, Jennifer.

You going door-to-door for the Antichrist again?

J-Jennifer Kwok?

Unfortunately, the kraken in the high heels is my wife.

Soon-to-be ex-wife.

And heiress to the entire Triad organization.

That's right.

And I want... my... money.

Heard you were laundering millions through the restaurant so I wouldn't get it in the divorce settlement.

How'd you find out?

You sold me out?

This is all just a next-level alimony battle.

That one's a hacker.

She can get you the money.

The $2 million in my account now or I start sh**ting, starting with your knees.

Kneecaps?

Well, that's original. JENNIFER: Are you serious?

Kneecaps? What, you prefer I do what I did to those guys in Jamaica? Oh, the guys in Jamaica.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones you were meeting down there.

When's backup arriving?

Russ said he's working on it.

Oh, Russ. Let me guess, he's a language specialist, too.

We can try to stall, but I can only say "two more minutes" so many times.

A hotel room?! Yes, they do! In Jamaica!

Wait for my signal.

What signal? What?

MacGYVER: Hey, guys, I think it's in everybody's best interest that we remain calm.

I am calm.

It's better for my aim. Pick one, left or right.

Mac, what are you doing?

I get it.

I do.

Relationships are... hard.

Sometimes, we-we lie to ourselves, say that everything's okay.

Sometimes the trust that we once had is gone forever.

And sometimes, no matter how much you think you want to be with someone, you can't seem to make it work.

Hey, Dr. Phil.

Sit down or I'll blow off both kneecaps.

How long?

Hmm? Uh, oh, uh... uh...

Two minutes.

Final warning.

Sit. Right.

One last piece of advice: in any relationship, in the immortal words of my favorite pump-up jam, you have to... get your booty on the floor.

Tonight. Eva, lights out!

♪ Get your booty on the floor

♪ Tonight, make my day

♪ I don't want a place to stay

♪ Make my day, make my day

Eva, lights on.

Okay, who the hell are you people?

LAPD! Put your hands up!

Hands where we can see 'em! Hands!

MacGYVER: Listen, if you can call my boss, he'll explain everything.

Don't worry!

They already have.

I made quite a convincing case for your innocence.

Despite you not inviting me to dinner.

So, how was date night?

So, you're like, uh...

Simon Pegg in Mission: Impossible.

Right?

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

All those work trips, you were taking down guys like Donovan?

Or worse.

So that's why you come home all kind of, um... broken.

You really like this life?

You know what?

I love it.

And the secrets and the lies?

A necessary evil.

That part, I hate.

Me, too.

♪ Warm days

♪ But the light is gone...

I was thinking about what you said.

No matter how much you want to be with someone, you just can't seem to make it work.

We've had a lot of chances, haven't we?

Yeah.

Just kind of seems like we're only really good when things are really bad.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Maybe... we're just not normal.

♪ Hold on Good night, Mac.

But maybe... that's our thing.

I mean, who wants to be a normal, boring, static couple anyways?

Especially when we can just be us.

For what it's worth, there's no one else I'd rather go on a terrible date with.

Me neither.

♪ Our nights

♪ All our dark skies

♪ Will you hold on?

♪ We'll make up

♪ Hold on

♪ If you don't

♪ Hold on.

Why...

Riles.

Hey.

Aubrey ended it.

Couldn't stay at his place, and I didn't know where else to go.

So...

I'm so sorry.

Well, you're more than welcome to stay here as long as you want.

Hungry?

You have no idea.

I know that it's impossible, but... this whole thing has me spinning.

I mean, the state of the world today.

The DXS of it all. And...

I can't explain it, but I just...

I feel like she's out there, like it's her, somehow.

And then there's this.

They call themselves Codex.

Matty, uh, I want you to look into something called...

File 47.

File 47?

What is that?

It's the end of the world.