02x16 - The Enemy of My Frenemy

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on Charmed... Parker.

Please, you're better than this.

[GRUNTS]

He's dead.

I am your new Overlord.

It's time for a matriarchy to ascend.

[CHEERING]

I'm gonna make you pay for this. Get in line.

Marrying Parker would have been a mistake, and I know that now, but there's a part of me that still blames myself for his death.

MACY: You don't have to feel guilty about Parker being dead.

He's alive. PARKER: Look, I'm sorry for everything that happened.

Maggie, that wasn't me.

Yes, it was you. It was part of you.

The part of you that is never going to change.

I belong to a group that's a little more off-the-grid.

Let's just say we're, uh, true believers.

[SONOROUS CHANTING]

They're reanimating the dead.

[ROARING]

They've created monsters they can control.

Potentia Trium!

HARRY: We need to find the answers to our most pressing questions, like who's running that Faction of zealots and how did they create that monster?

DNA from seven different species and counting.

You almost sound impressed.

I am. It's brilliant, if it weren't so diabolical.

Splicing magic into human DNA is...

An abomination?

And groundbreaking.

And a thr*at. This group, they're playing God with the magical world.

But the science is elegant.

I mean, so far, we've only seen reanimated corpses.

Which suggests they don't know how to transfer magic to the living.

If they could, they would've tried it already.

Emphasis on "already." We need to neutralize them before they figure that out.

I'm in furious agreement.

[COMPUTER CHIMES]

Aha.

Uh, human DNA belonged to a 40-year-old John Doe, d*ed three months ago in Tacoma.

Apparently, when his body went unclaimed, it was donated to a medical research facility in Idaho.

"MRTI"?

MACY: "Donating your body to science

"is the ultimate gift to future generations.

"In death... give life."

Idaho.

Oh, and the Faction had a warehouse in Wisconsin, a facility in Duluth.

Maggie and Jordan encountered them in New Orleans.

Mel and Ray in Reno. It seems the Faction is...

Everywhere.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Okay.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[GROANS]: Oh, uh...

[CHUCKLES] What? Bad news?

No. I was just supposed to grab a coffee with Julian.

I'm already ten minutes late. I-I can reschedule.

No. No, no. You should go. Oh, but...

There's always gonna be something pressing.

You have to live your life, Macy. I'll check out this facility in Idaho. We'll reconvene later.

Just an hour.

I'll be back.

♪ ♪

♪ Don't I make it look easy? ♪

[EXHALES] JORDAN: All right.

All right, here we go.

Come on. Come on.

Keep those spaces wide. Let's go.

Nice.

Come on, ladies. Keep that pace.

Keep those feet moving, Mags.

Let's keep those feet moving.

There you go, there you go.

Oh!

Sorry. Sorry.

Mel? You all right, Mel?

Yeah. I need to get my mojo back.

I used to be able to kick your butt when we were kids.

MAGGIE: Well, not a kid anymore.

You want to go for another round?

Uh, so you can show off? Pass.

[JORDAN LAUGHS]

Nice.

Mags, hey.

How you doing? [EXHALES]

I'm good, now that we have the Power of Three back.

What about the Faction?

They're still out there. Yeah.

And there will be hell to pay once we find them.

New powers, new you.

[LAUGHS] Oof.

... growth regulator, so it shortens the lives of the mosquitos and impedes their ability to reproduce.

You're welcome, Mr. Ambassador.

Just know that we are working to solve this problem for generations to come.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

You know, if this is you playing hard to get, you should just know that you are very good at it.

I, honestly, just lost track of time.

Again.

If only there was, like, this magical little device that could tell you the hour, and-and you could, like, wear it.

Like, on your wrist or something. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I'm just spitballing.

[LAUGHS]

Okay. Um...

Seriously, though, I'm a big boy.

If this is all too much or...

If there's someone else...

No.

No. I've just...

... been really busy.

Good.

Because, um, I got you, uh, a little something.

Oh, no.

[SCOFFS] Did Julian Shea just ask you to marry him?

[LAUGHS] No.

No, no. Uh...

Uh, well, we saw the blue box he gave you.

This?

Yeah.

That's serious.

MACY: So is he.

He wants to be exclusive. Wow.

Uh, that's-that's big news.

MACY: Yeah.

Then why aren't you wearing it?

Well, just...

Just in case I lose it.

You know? I don't know how I'd explain to Julian it got snatched by a smoke monster.

[MACY CHUCKLES] Huh.

You know, let's, um, let's just keep this between us for now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Of course. Of course. Yeah. Of course.

[ALERT SOUNDING]

[MEL SIGHS]

Never a dull moment.

[INSECTS BUZZING]

[WHIMPERING]

It's okay. We're witches, we're here to help.

What happened?

Demons. They att*cked me and my sisters.

Unprovoked.

It's okay, you're safe now.

Or maybe not.

You stole my birthday present, witches.

I want it back.

Trust me, frat boy, you're definitely not her type.

Do you have any idea who I am?

MAGGIE: No.

And we don't care.

So take your little friends and go home.

This playdate is over.

I've got a better idea.

[BUZZING]

Potentia Trium!

You have no idea what you've done.

[GRUNTS]

Godric, what have I told you about barging in during teatime?

Sorry, my Overlord, but we have a problem.

Alfred's been vanquished.

By the Charmed Ones.

Damn it. Who else knows?

Word's spreading like wildfire.

The Carnals are demanding retribution for the assassination of their leader's son.

Oh, the only thing Alfie ever led was a misogynistic crusade against me, undermining my authority with the other bloodline leaders.

Now, even in death, he's a thorn in my side.

I need to think. You need to act.

This could destabilize the entire Demon World.

Don't you think I know that?

Abigael, you need to squash these witches once and for all.

Destroy the Charmed Ones.

Or it'll be your head that rolls.

Two cameras and guards at the vehicle entrance.

And three cameras, three guards with magic detectors at the front of the building.

[PANTING]

And some sort of magical Faraday cage keeping me out.

Like the vault in Minnesota.

They're getting more sophisticated, fast.

_

♪ ♪

♪ Got the, got the ♪

♪ Yeah, got the cash ♪

♪ Throw it up, throw it up ♪

♪ Back it up, back it up... ♪ If you're looking for Mel and Maggie, they...

They just left.

No, I'm here to talk you.

♪ Back it up... ♪ I'd like your assistance...

On a mission.

[LAUGHS]

I need a human.

And since I'm the only human you know, who's, uh, in the know...

And Maggie said you had an expertise in the medical field.

T-The group we're dealing with, uh, the Faction...

Is creating more of those...

Monsters...

For a lack of a better term, and I think they're doing it at a medical research facility in Idaho.

I need you to get in there.

[VELCRO RIPS]

[CHUCKLES]

What's your deal?

Are you a male witch or a warlock or something?

[QUIETLY]: Oh, give me strength.

I am a Whitelighter.

Not a warlock.

And I don't see how that's relevant to the question at hand.

[CHUCKLES] You spend a lot of time with Maggie and her sisters, yet other than... stealing my ring and lurking about...

I don't really know all that much about you.

What's important for you to know is that my one and only role is to protect those three women.

And since you've become a confidant to all of them, and...

Potentially...

Significant to one of them, I will treat you with the same care and respect.

Okay. [LAUGHS]

'Cause every time I've gone on one of these missions, I've almost d*ed, so, you know...

What do you need me to do?

For this plan to work, you would, in fact, need to be...

... dead.

You betrayed us.

We walked into a demon ambush.

You k*lled Alfie, the De facto leader of the Carnals, which would be bad enough on its own, if Alfie wasn't also the last male heir of his line, creating a power vacuum.

Which means that every Tom, d*ck and Alfie will be vying to take his place.

Not a good move.

What you've done is laid a massive political headache at my doorstep.

They broke the truce. You were supposed to keep your side in line... This is your failure.

Best put a sock in it, Angry Spice, before I send a fireball your way.

Not if I turn you into a Popsicle first.

You are marked women.

The demons want your heads on spikes and if you continue vexing me, I might be inclined to do just that.

Maybe we'll take yours first.

That's not a bad idea.

Oh, come on you, guys. This isn't helping.

There has to be a way we can repair the situation.

Negotiating this truce was in all of our best interests.

Negotiating with t*rrorists never works, Maggie.

Demons can't be trusted.

For once, I agree with Militant Molly.

Chit-chat won't fix this mess.

Demons respond to fear and v*olence.

Well, that just means that both sides up end dead.

Come on, there has to be something they want, something they need that we can exploit.

You do know that an all-out w*r would be bad for you, too.

There might be one angle we could work.

Let's just say I'm not the only female demon who chafes at our patriarchal structure.

Okay, okay.

That was intense. [EXHALES]

Oh, I mean I thought that whole Marvel time-space jumping was cool, but my gut feels like it's filled with... bees?

HARRY: Well, first time's always the trickiest.

Some people throw up.

Some people experience it on the other end.

And you didn't think to warn me?

As they say in the adverts, "side effects may vary."

So, this is our way in, huh?

Every other entrance is guarded by magic detectives.

The only safe way in is to have a body.

A dead body.

Which, uh, this potion will approximate.

I'm not really gonna die?

It's a simple Romeo and Juliet sleeping potion.

Okay, you are aware that Romeo and Juliet ended up, like... really, really dead?

"O true apothecary! "Thy dr*gs are quick.

"Thus with a kiss I die."

They d*ed by their own hand, whereas this potion temporarily slows the heart and breathing.

You'll be in a gentle slumber for 30 minutes, give or take...

Enough time for me to look about the place.

Well, obviously, it's not without some risk.

But... hmm?

[EXHALES]

It's cool, man.

I'm in.

Yeah, you really do care about her.

Maggie.

To put yourself in harm's way.

Not totally selfless, man.

There's still that curse hovering over my family line.

Oh, of course. I simply meant she's lucky to have you in her life.

I'm not totally sure I'm...

In her life.

As my aunt used to say, timing is everything.

Too soon or too late, you spoil the soup.

Right.

And how does one know... if it's too late?

Hmm. And that, sir, is the trillion-dollar question.

[CHUCKLES] All right.

Down the hatch.

[EXHALES]

[SMACKING LIPS]

Hmm.

I don't really feel anything.

Are you sure that's the... oh...

Yes, quite sure.

♪ ♪

♪ Then I bought it, take a bite 'cause I want it... ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, where-where are we?

ABIGAEL: Oh, the home of an influential demon, who can hopefully spin this political nightmare in our favor.

♪ ♪ WOMAN: And as always, keep it shimmery, y'all.

And don't forget to cop it, like and subscribe.

Wait, I know her... that's...

Brandy the Contour Queen.

She's, like, super Insta-famous.

ABIGAEL: They probably all are.

They work for Lee.

What?

Lee as in Lee Duhon?

The empress of spon-con is... a demon?

Uh, you're speaking gibberish.

Lee is the influencer.

She has, like, ten million Instagram followers.

Peddling crap that makes people feel inadequate.

Sounds demonic to me.

Well, demons have to make a living, too, you know.

Yo, yo, yo, I want to give a massive shout-out to every single one of my alpha dudes out there gettin' absolutely shredded.

Abigael, what brings you to my side of town?

Business, of course.

Mmm, you're speaking my love language.

And who are they?

They are the Charmed Ones.

You brought Alfie's murderers into my home?

MEL: He att*cked us first.

We defended ourselves.

ABIGAEL: I thought you of all people would be happy Alfie's gone.

Wasn't he taking 20% commission?

That doesn't mean I want his K*llers on my couch.

[SCRATCHING]

Alfie violated our truce.

Am I supposed to care about a truce between our sworn enemies?

And what are you doing working with witches anyway?

The enemy of my enemy is my frenemy.

Look, witches and demons are facing an existential thr*at called the Faction.

A group of humans who have succeeded in stealing magic for themselves. [SCOFFS]

"Humans"?

MAGGIE: Yes.

And they're coming for all of us.

ABIGAEL: Believe me, only something dire would have me consorting with these drips.

But neither of us were happy with the way Alfie ran things.

Perhaps it's time for you, a woman, to take the helm.

A position no female demon has ever had the privilege of holding.

I'm listening.

GODRIC: Abigael's gone too far.

I did all the dirty work.

I got the Primordials, the Vagrants, Carnals and Malignants to agree to a truce.

I made her Overlord.

And how does she repay me?

By destroying it all.

She's no longer fit to lead.

It's time to remove her for good.

With pleasure.

Hey.

New deliveries get checked here.

[AMERICAN ACCENT]: Sorry. It's my first day.

Dead... dead and dead.

How we like it.

Where's the paperwork? What?

I can't process your stiff without the blue triplicates.

Ah, sh**t... I left them in the truck.

You can leave the meatloaf here.

I'll be right back. Okay.

23 minutes.

What makes you think the Carnals won't rebel against a woman taking charge of the bloodline?

Because anyone who attempts to dethrone said woman will have to contend with me.

And us.

She's empowering you to have a say in your own governance.

So you don't have someone taking a cut of your hard-earned profits. Oh, please.

This is not about empowering me.

This is about using my skill to maintain her position.

I'm nothing more than a tool to you.

Which, as a demon, I do respect.

Fine.

You scratch my back, I'll have yours.

Godric, what are you doing here?

We're in the middle of something.

Not anymore.

Parker?

Maggie?

Your brother's alive?

She faked my death to make herself Overlord.

Isn't that right, Abby?

No comment at this time.

I'm here for Abigael's head.

Hand her over, and I'll match whatever she offered you.

ABIGAEL: You don't have anything to offer, you work for me.

You manipulated me under false pretenses.

Sorry, Abby. You're on your own.

Parker, we don't want to hurt anyone, but we will if we have to. PARKER: Maggie, stay out of this.

This is between me and her.

I'll take those odds.

No, this is not happening.

You're right, it's not.

ALL: Oh! Cuff them.

[GROANS]

Oh!

[GULPS, GRUNTS]

I came here for her.

But k*lling you witches is a nice bonus.

Maggie!

I warned you it would be their heads or yours.

Now it's both.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[MACHINERY WHIRRING, BEEPING]

WOMAN: Jimmy?

You're back.

I am.

Ugh, the indignity.

Locked up in the very prison I designed.

You should have sprung for more comfortable furnishings.

Live and learn.

Well, if we hope to continue to do either of those things, we need to get out of here.

You designed this place.

Yes, we've established that.

Then you should know if there's a structural flaw to exploit.

A loose screw.

Anything. No. The design is flawless.

Much like myself.

Okay.

Okay, how about those two?

I mean, how smart can they be?

Good point.

Guards?

Yes, I'm talking to you two handsome devils.

Wait, we need to discuss the plan first.

You're scavenger Vagrants, correct?

Yeah.

ABIGAEL: I've always thought it was so unfair how the Demon World treats your lot.

Relegating you to poverty and servitude.

So? ABIGAEL: So let's make a deal.

You let me go, and I'll give you more money than you can spend in six lifetimes.

What about her?

ABIGAEL: I don't care.

Turn her into Vagrant barbecue if you like.

Just let me go, and the money is all yours.

[QUIETLY]: Abigael.

ABIGAEL: What do you say, boys?

Deal?

[CHUCKLES] Deal.

Thank you.

What the hell?!

You said it yourself, Charmed One.

Demons can't be trusted.

Now you follow me, and I'll get your money.

Revela daemonem inimicum.

We need to go back there.

Not without a plan. I have a plan.

Kick Godric's demon ass into oblivion.

Uh, Godric is long gone by now.

And so is our sister, thanks to you.

Well, you guys created this mess, not me.

Coming from the man who destroyed our chance to stabilize the Demon World?

And for what?

A sh*t to become Overlord again?

No, so I could get my life back.

Godric agreed to let me go free in exchange for my help.

You know, and for the record, I never wanted to be Overlord in the first place.

Really? Because last time I checked, you did some pretty despicable things to stay in power.

You hurt people, Parker. Including me.

Maggie...

Maggie, I just saved your life.

I don't need you to save me. I never have.

Maggie.

Just...

Don't touch anything.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Hey. I know this is complicated, but we need him.

It's not complicated.

I want nothing to do with him.

Which makes it very complicated, since he's the expert on the Demon World.

And right now, our only lead to finding Mel.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Harry?

No. Uh, Julian.

Speaking of complicated...

[ALERT CHIMES] PARKER: Whoa.

Uh, Maggie, Macy?

You guys need to see this.

MACY: Why is New Mexico lighting up like a Christmas tree?

A demon Christmas tree.

MEL: When I get my hands on that treacherous, backstabbing, faux-woke demon spawn, I am going to wring her little neck.

You're cute when you're angry, you know that?

Too bad I have to turn you into witch barbecue.

You came back.

I might be a treacherous backstabbing demon spawn, but "faux-woke"? Never.

I just needed this.

For my plan to vanquish Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.

Now we need to find somebody with powers to get these damn cuffs off of us.

First things first.

We need to get out of here.

I'll take that Kn*fe.

I think the cuffs should have been the first thing.

[SIGHS]

What's in New Mexico?

The Sanctuary of Zagan.

Godric is anointing himself the new Overlord.

What? He can't do that, can he?

He can if he takes out the old Overlord... and a Charmed One.

Simultaneously destroying his rival and the Power of Three in one fell swoop.

Okay, that thing about not needing your help, officially rescinded.

I got your backs.

You can trust me.

Okay.

So how do we infiltrate a demon gathering without being recognized and eviscerated on sight?

Well, that's assuming they can see us.

What the hell? Harry?

[CRACKLING]

Hello?

WOMAN: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear descendent ♪

♪ Of the great oppressor... ♪ Where am I?

FLORENCE: The place between life and death.

I could push you back or yank you down here with me.

[EXHALES] I'm doing my best...

To balance the scales.

And it's a good start, but it's not enough.

Blood for blood is a heavy debt.

There's a demon.

Abigael Jameson-Caine.

She told me she knew of witches that were descendants of those harmed by Lawrence Mortimer Chase.

She claimed if I helped them, that would pay my debt.

Is that true?

She is correct.

But be wary of demons bearing gifts.

Especially when they have much to gain in the process.

What do you mean?

Many were lost. Few can be found.

And those who remain can be unbound.

For where sisters lurk, danger resounds.

The trio of dark and light shall be found.

Warn the Charmed Ones.

[GASPS]

[PANTING]

Harry. Harry.

[EXHALES]

Come on, where you at, Mr. Whitelighter?

Welcome to the Sanctuary, my brothers and sisters.

Who's ready for an execution?

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

I've been wondering when you'd resurface.

The boss will be happy to know you're safe, Jimmy.

I stand before you on sacred ground, to rid us, once and for all, of the false Overlord and witch-loving Abigael Jameson-Caine and one of the so-called Charmed Ones.

As I spill their blood on the altar of our one true Overlord, the flames of Hell will imbue me with the abilities of our divine leader, giving me power to restore the Demon World to its rightful place.

[WILD CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

DEMON: Parker Cain?

[DEMONS MURMURING]

What are you doing?

No one kills my sister or steals the crown but me.

MAGGIE: That's our cue. Maggie?

MAGGIE: And Macy.

You used the cloaking serum?

What was left of it, which wasn't very much.

What the hell?

[DEMONS SHOUTING]

I'll take that.

MEL: Macy, what did you do?

MACY: I don't know.

But I-I can't hold them all.

Time to go, people.

So what now?

Look, you can't stay here.

They're gonna come for you, Abby;

Godric isn't gonna take this lying down.

Do us both a favor and drop the concerned brother act.

It doesn't suit you and it annoys the hell out of me.

Abby, I'm trying here. Well, don't bother.

I have no interest in you trying to unburden your half-human heart.

Now, you've got your freedom and you're still here, so what do you want?

One last favor.

♪ ♪ Well, today was crazy town with a capital "C."

And those new powers, Mace?

MACY: I know.

It's like I can stop people from moving.

Immobility? Is that a power?

It is now.

Witches, we have visitors.

♪ Just let me have mine 'cause I was born ♪

♪ To play, I'm a champion for life ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I was born to play... ♪ Hey.

Hey, can we talk?

Ugh, I need a drink.

♪ Champion for life... ♪ She stripped your powers?

Why?

It's what I wanted all along.

You know, my father had that dagger, and the power to make me human, and he kept it from me.

The demon that he was.

But you're vulnerable now.

You need your powers to protect yourself.

The Demon World is...

Is a mess.

It's just one more reason to leave it all behind, and start fresh, with you.

You stripped your powers for me?

Parker, just because we worked well together doesn't mean we should be together.

Why not?

We were good together, Vera.

Being a demon, having powers, that's what ruined everything.

But I'm human now, and things will be different.

Giving up your demon side doesn't change what you did.

You made those choices, your-your anger and your jealousy caused you to hurt people.

And you hurt me.

Being human doesn't just erase the past.

I know it doesn't.

And I'm really sorry.

For the apples, for hurting you.

But I am trying to be better.

Doesn't that count for something?

Yeah, it does.

And I hope you continue to try.

But I...

I can't go through this.

Too much has happened between us.

[EXHALES] I'm sorry, Parker.

Me, too.

For everything.

♪ ♪

♪ Is there something I am missing? ♪

♪ Every piece of this I've tried to fit ♪

♪ And it's easier to run away... ♪

♪ ♪

Well, today was fun.

[SIGHS] The part where I saved your life or ruined my own?

I'm fairly certain I have a target on my back.

I'm sorry.

The Demon World is a free-for-all, and I'll probably be dead within the week.

I'm not sure sorry really cuts it.

I could give you some security spells or potions.

I mean, after all, you have witch powers.

You might as well use them.

Who knows? Maybe someday you'll be inspired to leave this whole demon thing and come over to the witchy side.

Please. Evil is what makes me interesting.

But who knows?

Maybe you've inspired me to try being bi-magical.

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

♪ Lately I've been missing signs ♪

♪ Never used to read those things... ♪ Oh. Hey.

Hey.

How'd it go with Parker?

You were right. It was complicated.

You were right, too.

Something is holding me back and it's not the fact I can't tell Julian I'm a witch.

I thought you liked Julian.

I-I do.

It's just, when I think about telling Harry...

You know, we're finally friends again.

I-I don't want to mess that up.

Julian is damn near perfect, and yet it still feels so complicated.

If you're so broken up about dating the perfect guy, then maybe he isn't so perfect for you.

Still no word from Harry?

I haven't heard from him.

He left to go to check out that clinic, but that was hours ago.

I'm sure he's safe.

He always is.

To the compound.

And enact privacy features.

God, I missed you, Jimmy.

How the hell did you get out?

Oh, you know.

I have my ways.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

No, no...

C-6-9-7-7-1-4.

C-6-9-7-7-1-4.