CRU Campus
Ashleigh : Welcome to the majestic and historic Cyprus-Rhodes University. To our right you'll notice Dressel Hall, which was named for Daniel Dressel, the scientist celebrated for inventing... For inventing...
Casey : I can't stand the suspense.
Ashleigh : Our campus is huge! And historical. It sucks. I have two days to memorize this entire book before my first tour. An entire book!
Casey : Just relax. And think about how, one day soon, you'll be able to... shop again.
Ashleigh : If I'll still remember how. I know this building. Coming up on our left is the Cutler Planetarium, the site of Casey Cartwright's first kiss with Max, Somebody, the celebrated polymer science major.
Casey : Our first date's tonight. I'm nervous. I haven't dated somebody so...
Ashleigh : Tragic? Tragic is hot. Russell Crowe in “A Beautiful Mind” You can be all Jennifer Connelly and save him from the brink.
Casey : We're keeping tonight low-key. No psychotic breaks, just dinner.
Ashleigh : A Beautiful Meal.
Casey : And maybe Dobler's after.
Ashleigh : You really like him. You can't stop smiling. It's like your face is broken.
Casey : I know. Max and I haven't even gone on an official date. But the other night was so cosmically incredible.
Ashleigh : Like Cappie or Evan incredible?
Casey : Kind of. Except with Evan it was all about the Greek system and with Cappie it was all about...well... pie. Max is smart. And soulful and wounded. He's swimming in the deep end of life while I've been in the kiddy pool. I think I'm ready to join him. After all, there's more to life than the Greek system and pie, right?
Ashleigh : Pie! Gotcha.
EXT. ZBZ HOUSE - A few minutes later...
Ashleigh : And on our right you'll notice Frannie has parked in your presidential spot.
Casey : Look who's back from the Vineyard. He never took me there. Jerk.
Ashleigh : Someone peed in your kiddy pool.
Casey : Oh, well. It's a beautiful day. We'll park down the street. You can practice walking backwards.
Ashleigh : Have fun in the deep end, Case. You know I can't swim!
KT HOUSE – Living room
Ben Bennett : Horseshoes are a real backbreaker. He couldn't bear to have them cleaned here? You're welcome.
Rusty : Wade, I have your rocks.
Wade : Pack 'em how I like it.
Ben Bennett : And what does he need with the fireworks, anyway? Fourth of July's four months away.
Rusty : Real question is, why are we the only ones doing this crap?
Beaver : Nachos! Thanks, Spitter. You're the breast. I mean, best.
Ben Bennett : Good one, Beav.
Rusty : I know Pickle screens his calls o avoid chores. He only answers if I call from an unknown number.
Ben Bennett : And Gonzo, that guy's lazier than Paris Hilton's left eye. I haven't seen him at the house.
Rusty : If I pick up their slack one more time I'm gonna go postal on their asses.
Beaver : Spitter ! What are you trying to do to me here? That's cilantro on my'chos.
Rusty : Are you allergic or something?
Beaver : I don't like vegetables.
Rusty : Cilantro's an herb.
Beaver : Which doesn't belong on nachos. Go get new ones. Quickly. Sans herbs.
Ben Bennett : You know, I say before tonight's pledge meeting, give everybody a kick in the ass. Kind of redistribute the load.
Rusty : It's mail call. My pledge brothers are about to receive my package.
Credits
DOBLER’S
Casey : So, this is Dobler's.
Max : What was that?
Casey : I guess it's pretty loud in here. What did you think of the restaurant?
Max : It was good, it was good. I've never had Korean barbeque before.
Casey : It really should be cheaper, since we cooked the food ourselves.
Max : Never mind.
Casey : Are you not having fun?
Max : No. I was gonna say, it... I haven't been on a date since Sarah d*ed. Didn't realize it would be weird. Sorry.
Casey : It's fine, Max. Do you want to talk about her?
Max : I don't know. A first date conversation about my dead girlfriend might be a little heavy.
Casey : Heavy? I love heavy.
Max : Ok. Hmm. She grew up in Illinois.
Casey : Just like me. What was her major?
Max : Philosophy.
Casey : That's so interesting.
Max : It's not like she wanted to be a philosopher. She always knew she wanted to help people. By studying how various cultures fundamentally differed in how they live then she'd be able to interact more efficiently with them. She wanted to join the Peace Corps and just travel the world doing whatever she could to make it a better place. She was kind of a Buddhist that way.
Casey : Sure. That's great.
Max : That felt pretty good.
Casey : See? Not too heavy at all. Light.
Max : If Sarah were here, she'd say, " Stop talking about me, talk to your date." Tell me, Casey, what's... What's on your mind?
Casey : Well, actually, this girl, Frannie, she stole my parking spot at the house. She and I have this whole... You know what? Never mind. It's so not important. Should we get drinks or something? Are you thirsty? Because I am dying! I meant to say I'm dying of thirst.
Max : Got it. I'll get us a couple of beers.
CYPRUS RHODE RESTAURANT
Michael : This is the nicest restaurant in town.
Calvin : Evan's treating. He insisted.
Michael : Really? Why?
Calvin : We haven't talked since he sold his soul.
Michael : I'm assuming they pay well.
Calvin : Hi. Chambers? Couldn't we have had dinner someplace normal?
Michael : Maybe for Evan this is normal.
Evan : Hey. I was beginning to think you guys ditched us for a better offer.
Calvin : Well, we were meeting Donatella in Barcelona for tapas, but she had a case of the vapors.
Michael : It's my fault. I'm desperately trying to finish my dissertation. I just have to dot some I's and cross some T's and then I'm officially overeducated and underemployed.
Frannie : Is it too early to toast to your accomplishment?
Evan : It's never too early to toast. You want to do the honors?
Michael : Oh. Ok. Sure.
Calvin : So, Frannie, how was Martha's Vineyard?
Frannie : Gorgeous. The house was indescribable and the staff were so warm and welcoming.
Evan : So, Michael, after the dissertation?
Michael : The job hunt begins. Just getting an interview for a professorship is impossible.
Frannie : Well...It'll be tough.Who's tougher than you?Evan said the B-minus you gave him was the lowest grade he's ever gotten.
Calvin : And O'Toole's failing your class for the third time.
Michael : Tough's got nothing to do with actually getting the job. A lot of it's who you know.
Waiter : Have you decided on a wine?
Calvin : Just pick something reasonable.
Evan : Michael, you, the French expert, what's the wine you'd order if money was no object?
Michael : The'92 Montrachet.
Waiter : Excellent choice, sir.
Michael : I'm really excited about this wine. I first heard about it when I was in France my freshman year. It's supposed to be amazing.
KT HOUSE – Living room
Ben Bennett : Before Wade and Cappie join us for our weekly pledge meeting... Wait a second. Where's Gonzo?
KT Guy 1 : He had a thing, or something.
Ben Bennett : And this is my point. I feel a few of us pledges are being a tad lazy when it comes to our pledge duty.
KT Guy 2 : Easy, champ, I don't think I like where this is going.
Rusty : No, he's right. Today, for instance, we had to get lunch for Beaver, rocks for Wade, fireworks for Heath...
KT Guy 3 : Judas.
Rusty : Who said that?
KT Guy 2 : What martyrs. I had to clean under Ferret's bed. Want to know what's on all those tissues? No, you don’t.
KT Guy 1 : I had to wash Jeremy's hair with scented oils on Tuesday. Smell my hands.
Ben Bennett : We've all had to do that!
KT Guy 3 : Judas!
Rusty : Who keeps saying Judas?
Cappie : Boys, Boys ?? What's all the racket down here?
Pickle : Ben and Rusty are all like, "Hey, we do more pledge work than you do." Everybody else is like, "No way, man, we totally do more pledge work."
Rusty : I had to mulch the entire front yard.
KT Guy 2 : You're coming at us with mulch?
Ben Bennett : We've all did that.
Rusty : You look at me like...
Cappie : Quiet!
Rusty : I do this for fun.
Cappie : We hear your concerns. Pledge responsibilities are taking their toll. You all work very hard and maybe it's time for us to celebrate that.
Wade : Are you thinking Old Folks Home weekend, Cap?
Cappie : I am, indeed, Wade.
Ben Bennett : Wait. Philanthropy?
Cappie : No, not philanthropy.
Wade : Old Folks Home is a classic.
Cappie : Classic.
Wade : Every spring, usually about this time, the KT men lock themselves inside the house and engage in a 24 hour period of drinking…
Cappie : Drinking.
Wade : TV…
Cappie : TV.
Wade : Card playing…
Cappie : Love cards.
Wade : Fine meals. And other fratelicious fun.
Rusty : Wouldn't it be better with girls?
Cappie : I admire your libido, but while all other KT parties are about girls...
Wade : Old Folks Home is about pledge/active bonding.
Cappie : Bonding.
Wade : And giving you all a sneak peek of what it will be like when you become actives and move in.
Cappie : So, all you pre-actives, be here with your sleeping bag and party stamina tomorrow afternoon.
Rusty : Campout.
ZBZ House - Kitchen
Casey : Who got dumped?
Laura : Frannie bought a ton of marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. We're making s'mores in the oven.
Mandi : Tell Casey your great idea.
Casey : What great idea?
Frannie : Well, I know how busy you are as the interim president, and how hard it must be to also function as the pledge educator. Here, let me. And I'm just afraid that you, or we, may be losing sight may be losing sight of one of ZB's most valuable resources, the pledges. Here. Let me.
Rebecca : We smell chocolate!
Frannie : Girls, have some please. Anyway, I thought I could do my sisterly duty and offer to relieve your responsibilities. After all, I served as the pledge educator before I was elected president.
Laura : We think it makes sense.
Mandi : You have sort of slacked off with the pledges this semester.
Casey : Don't you think it would be hard on the pledges, to change leadership midstream like that?
Rebecca : I'll survive.
ZBZ Pledge : Couldn't care less.
Frannie : And a good leader delegates.
Casey : Thank you. I'd love for you to take the pledge educator reins. That'd be great.
Frannie : Thanks, Case. We'll have so much fun.
EXT. CRU
Ashleigh : Built in 1927, the Katherine Anne Findley Memorial Library houses over 1.5 million volumes of books and is outfitted with nearly 50 miles of shelving. Doesn't that sound kind of braggy?
Casey : No, it's fascinating. So, my first date with Max was a bit of a mess. His girlfriend wanted to right the wrongs of the world, the only injustice I could talk about was Frannie stealing my parking spot.
Ashleigh : Plus, she's pledge educator now?
Casey : I'm not gonna let that little stuff get to me. If some pledge class participation makes her happy, then who am I to deprive my mortal enemy of that small pleasure in life? I just want to focus on swimming in the deep end with Max.
Ashleigh : As long as you're being yourself.
Casey : You know better than that. You can't truly be yourself until date nine. It's like this tour. You lead with bragging before you reveal that every Saturday night some drunk couple has sex in that fountain.
Ashleigh : I'd rather know that stuff up front. So, when's your next date?
Casey : Tonight. But I thought we'd do something more meaningful than Dobler's so I suggested that we go to the drama club's Shakespeare in the park.
Ashleigh : How romantic.
Casey : Let's hope so.
Ashleigh : Wait. Where are we?
Casey : This can't be good.
KT HOUSE - Hallway
Rusty : Pre-active. I do like the sound of that.
Cappie : All right. Whippersnappers, time to get to work. Pickle, whip up some Jell-O salad. Woodchuck, take this cane and b*at the filth out of the couch cushions.
Wade : Pickle, you're on keg pumping duty.
Pickle : Wait, guys. Do I make the Jell-O salad before I work the keg?
Wade : This is a torch. Find Jeremy for further instructions.
Pickle : After the keg? During?
Cappie : Pickle, figure it out. Arrowhead, take these kneepads and go see Beaver. Disperse!
Rusty : I thought we were getting a preview of living in the house like an active.
Cappie : So it is. Over the next 24 hours you and your pledge brothers will watch us be actives, so you know what you have to look forward to when you're made active. You're still pledges and pledges need to know their place. As my very own big brother, Egyptian Joe, said to me at our Old Folks Home event, "If you want to live in a democracy, don't buy store-bought Rice Krispie treats."
Rusty : What the hell does that mean?
Cappie : I was a pledge. It wasn't my place to ask. These are for you.
KT HOUSE – A few minutes later…
Beaver : Human remote, find blood sport on TV. I want to see dudes fight.
Rusty : Beav, I've been through every channel four times already. It's not on. Do you have to use the megaphone?
Wade : Hey, watch your Van Damme mouth, human remote. Now change the channel! Leave it on the Spanish channel for now! I've got an idea.
Beaver : Chesty Spanish beauties. OK.
Cappie : Human remote, how you holding up?
Rusty : I'm exhausted. And my eyes are k*lling me from standing so close to the television.
Cappie : That's the spirit. Hey, could you make me a Chicago-style hot dog? Listen, Spitter, I know you're tired. I know you're worn down. But there's one thing that you shouldn't forget. The celery salt on the Chicago hot dog. That's what makes it delicious. Pickle, mush.
Beaver : Spitty, can you bring back a couple of dogs for me and Waderito? Spitty? Two.
Rusty : Hey, Ben, can you help me with the hot dogs?
Ben Bennett : It's hot dogs, Cartwright. I've got a delicate crème brulée situation here. Not burning myself and the plastic is damn near impossible.
Rusty : No, Ben, come help me with the hot dogs!
Ben Bennett : Hot dogs. Right. Got it.
Cappie : God, enough. I'm taking it.
EXT. CRU
Calvin : Last night didn't bother you at all?
Michael : I thought the escargot were a little chewy. Is that what you mean?
Calvin : The French food, fancy wine. I didn't even know Evan liked that kind of stuff. How much was that wine, anyway?
Michael : Four hundred a bottle.
Calvin : You guys drank three bottles.
Michael : I don't even have a hangover. It was like, magic wine.
Calvin : Yeah, for 1,200 bucks, it should drive you home and tuck you into bed. I don't care if you have Oprah money, that's crazy.
Michael : Look, if you're concerned about Evan, don't judge him. Just be there for him if or when he needs a friend.
Calvin : Can I judge Frannie?
Michael : If it makes you feel better. Cal, to a person like Evan, 1,200 bucks is like me taking you to the movies. I just wish I was the one who could lavish you with expensive dinners.
Calvin : I don't mind that you're poor. I just prefer you to not use the word "lavish" again. It's weird.
Michael : Judging.
Calvin : Sorry.
EXT. ZBZ HOUSE
Casey : Oh, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Frannie : You leaving, Case?
Casey : This is my spot, Frannie.
Frannie : I need to unload some stuff for tonight.
Casey : What's tonight?
Frannie : A lock-in with the pledges.
Casey : Oh, I didn't know about that.
Frannie : Why would you need to? Presidential approval isn't required for a lock-in.
Casey : Yeah, true. What's all the stuff?
Frannie : Oh, nothing. Arts and crafts, gift bags.
Casey : What kind of gift bags?
Frannie : Oh, picture frames, t- shirts, little pads. I'm kind of running late, Casey, so if you're going...
Casey : I'm not leaving. I mean, I'm leaving to go on a date, but my car's staying here. In my spot. I was just getting a CD out of my car.
Frannie : Then why were you pulling out?
Casey : The stereo only ejects Cds if the car's in reverse. It's better for the environment that way, I guess. It's a hybrid. Regardless, the car is staying here. Not me. See? I got it.
KT HOUSE – Living room
Wade : Hajume! That means, begin.
All : Yeah.
Woodchuck : I don't want to fight you, Rusty. I wanted to yesterday when you were being such a pain in the ass about pledge duties, but not like this, not for them.
Rusty : It'll all be fine, all right? Just give Ben Bennett enough time to get the... Hey, Cap.
Cappie : Rub this grease all over your body. It'll make it impossible for Woodchuck to get you in a choke hold. Where's Ben Bennett? He needs to grease up too. I got five big ones on him against Stork.
Rusty : Cap! I cannot fight Woodchuck. He's too much man. It's scary.
Cappie : Dude, the grease will work.
Ben Bennett : Fire! Everybody out! We gotta go!
Cappie : Fire? Quick, go! Everybody, quick! Go! Go, go, go! Oh, man, that was close. Thank god we had the fire alarms.
Beaver : The pledges!
Cappie : Wait, we don't have fire alarms.
Beaver : They're locked inside. They'll be b*rned alive! Drop and roll!
Cappie : Beav, there's no fire. Seems we've fallen victim to a pledge prank. All that alcohol might've impaired our judgment. I've read it can do that
Beaver : They just mooned us.
Cappie : Except for Rusty. He just showed his underpants. A pledge insurgency. I didn't think they had it in them.
Beaver : What do we do now, Cap?
Cappie : Well, now... we get back inside that house.
SHOW – Casey & Max’s date
Actress : To think that Caesar bears such rebel blood that will be thaw'd from the true quality... with that which melteth fools. So in the world,'tis furnish'd well with men, and men are flesh and blood...
Max : Casey ? You're late. And wet.
Casey : I'm so sorry. I walked.
Max : So, you're... sweaty?
Casey : Huh? Oh, no. I cut through the dean's estate right as his sprinklers turned on. I wanted to call, but my phone got water on it. It's broken.
Max : Let me see it. Maybe it's not broken-broken. If you need to make a call, check with Brutus. He's wearing a Bluetooth headset for some reason.
Actor 1 : Great Caesar!
Actress : Doth not, Brutus, bootless kneel?
Actor 2 : Speak, hands, for me!
Casey : And Caesar is a blonde chick? Sorry, Max, this isn't really the evening I had planned.
Max : It's OK. I'm glad you're here now.
Actress : Et tu, Brute?
Casey : That bitch.
Max : Caesar? I don't think it was her fault.
Casey : Max, I really have to go.
Max : Is everything OK?
Casey : Yeah, I just... I have to go. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to explain it all to you on our ninth date. I'll call you.
Max : OK, bye.
KT HOUSE - Hallway
Rusty : Make sure the basement windows are locked. We've got to barricade these doors!
Arrowhead : Upstairs windows secure. Just in time. Hedgehog was shimmying up the gutter pipe. He's a little bit ninja.
Beaver : Let us in!
Rusty : Ben Bennett, Pickle, help me push this bookshelf. Good. Kitchen?
Ben Bennett : Wait, wait, wait. Is the siege over?
Arrowhead : No way. They're out there, scheming. I can feel it in my bones.
Ben Bennett : Dude, chill, chill, chill.
Rusty : They're retreating.
Pickle : They're heading toward town. Maybe they're going to Dobler's.
Rusty : Yeah, drink off their anger. When they get a nice little buzz they'll think we're awesome for pulling such a cool prank.
Arrowhead : What do we do now?
Ben Bennett : Let's dance it out, man. Come on.
ZBZ HOUSE – Ashleigh & Casey’s room
Ashleigh : Hey, shouldn't you be out with Max? And what's with the wetness?
Casey : I know what she's doing.
Ashleigh : Who?
Casey : Frannie McBrutus. The pledge lock-in, the gift bags, friggin' s'mores. I should've known. She's solidifying her power base among the freshmen.
Ashleigh : Frannie can't run for president again. It's against national rules. She was officially removed.
Casey : But that doesn't mean she can't find someone to run against me.
Ashleigh : She did invite all the officers over for the lock-in tonight.
Casey : You see? She's Karl Rove with hair extensions. She'll talk someone into running then use the pledges to get them elected president, then she'll be pulling all the strings, unraveling the sweater that is my life.
Ashleigh : OK, did Max see you like this, 'cause you kind of got crazy eyes.
Casey : I can't talk to him about this stuff. It'll just sound ridiculous. Once I win the presidency, then I can dive back into the deep end with Max. But right now I need to borrow your phone so I can deal with this hot Frannie mess.
CRU – Michael’s office
Evan : I was just meeting with my Econ professor. Thought I'd stop by. I hope I'm not interrupting.
Michael : You are, thank god. I'm grading exams. Now I can give you this thank you note in person.
Evan : You didn't have to do that.
Michael : I'm a compulsive Miss Manners freak, so I kinda did. It was my pleasure.
Evan : In fact, when we left the restaurant, I started thinking. My mom is on the alumni board at Princeton, so she could make a call if you think that might help you.
Michael : Really? She would do that? She doesn't even know me.
Evan : Well, she knows me and I know you. And like you said, it's all about who you know, right?
Michael : That would be unbelievably generous.
Evan : Happy to help. Maybe you can help me with O'Toole. It's obvious he's gonna fail French yet again. So I was hoping you could intervene?
Michael : You mean tutor him?
Evan : Yeah, no, he's tried tutors. He's tried practice tests. We even force fed him a wheel of brie. The guy is just allergic to French.
Michael : Why do you care if he passes my class?
Evan : Well, he's a brother in need. And I like helping needy people. Call me a philanthropist. It's not like he needs an A. He's taking it pass/fail, so just pass him. What's the harm?
Michael : I don't change grades, Evan. Well, no harm in asking, right? And just remember, if you change your mind it could change your life. My mother is a very persuasive woman. People say I take after her.
ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway
Casey : Frannie, can I steal you for a sec?
Frannie : Date over already? Don't get discouraged. There are more fish in the sea.
Casey : I left my date early. I couldn't stop thinking about us.
Frannie : Oh, Case, some girls may want to experiment in college, but I don't.
Casey : Oh, Frannie. I can always count on you to make me laugh. Which is why I'd like to clarify that whole "we're sisters, not friends" thing I said after Greek Week. Sisters fight. They say things they don't mean.
Frannie : Really?
Casey : They also make up. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. And I'm grateful that you're taking over as pledge educator.
Frannie : Casey, I'm really glad that you said that. It must've taken an awful lot of courage.
Casey : So, truce?
Frannie : Friends close, enemies closer? That's Politics 101, poodle, and I believe I was your professor. You're gonna have to do a lot better than that. Pledges and officers, time to start the lock-in. Tonight's agenda will be as follows: First we will make collages expressing our hopes and dreams and then we will have a share circle. And then after that we...
Casey : I'll get it. Before we start Frannie's way fun collages, I thought I'd treat the pledges to delicious gelato, courtesy of Gianni's Gelato.
Ashleigh : Gelato's way better than collages.
Laura : Officers first, sluts. Hi, there.
Casey : The gelato could have been from both of us, but I guess we're not friends. I learned that from you, too. Always have a Plan B. FYI, I'm part poodle, part pit bull.
KT HOUSE – Living room
Pickle : You should be a professional prank planner, Spitter. I mean, first the farm animals at the O-Chi house, now this.
Rusty : I do seem to have a knack for it, but it was Ben Bennett's genius idea of using Heath's smoke bombs.
Pickle : Nice.
Rusty : Everybody grab one. Dinner is served. Actually, it took all of us pledge brothers to pull this one off.
Ben Bennett : You know what? I like to use the term "pre-actives."
Rusty : OK, everybody take a deep breath, count to ten.
Arrowhead : 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10.
Rusty : The power's probably out because somebody didn't pay the bill.
Arrowhead : The power company's against us too, man? Man, they're out there with the actives, man. And they got money and electricity, man.
Rusty : Arrowhead, calm down. Even if it is the actives, they can't do anything to us from out there.
Arrowhead : They're gonna ram us. They're gonna do us like Waco. Game over. Game over!
Pickle : They're having a dance party?
Rusty : It's psychological warfare.
Ben Bennett : We go outside they k*ll us. We stay inside we go insane. It's like, 20 times in a row with this song!
Pickle : The cops ain't coming. They probably just think it's an Omega Chi party.
Woodchuck : I say we go out and throw ourselves at their mercy.
Ben Bennett : That's a great idea, Woodchuck. Maybe if you talk to them real nice they'll let you stay on as pledge till you're ready for the old folks'home.
Rusty : Stop it. The enemy is not us, it's them. If we keep fighting, they win.
Ben Bennett : So what are you suggesting?
Rusty : Amnesty. Negotiate a settlement without additional punishment.
Pickle : Why would they do that? They have all the power.
Woodchuck : We pissed them off.
Rusty : They need our dues. If they lose the entire pledge class, they won't have enough money to keep this house open.
Ben Bennett : And if they lose the class, it'll be harder for them to get pledges in the fall.
Rusty : Exactly.
EXT. KT HOUSE
Omega Chi guy : Pledge problems.
Cappie : Yep.
Omega Chi guy : Good luck with that.
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining room
Casey : Vanilla? I thought you'd have more adventurous tastes.
Rebecca : I've had enough adventures recently. I don't need to relive them through my gelato.
Casey : Listen, I'm sorry to hear about you and Cap.
Rebecca : OK! Way to k*ll my sugar high.
Casey : I just wanted you to know I'm here for you.
Rebecca : You deserve a Daytime Emmy, Susan Lucci.
Casey : What do you mean?
Rebecca : I know campaigning when I see it.
Casey : That's not what I was doing.
Rebecca : You and Frannie are battling over the pledges. She's trying to start an anti-Cartwright faction. You rallied admirably with the gelato gambit.
Casey : Thank you. Look, if the pledges are a swing state, then you're their popular governor. I want your endorsement.
Rebecca : We'll see. I'm keeping my options open for now. But for the record, I appreciate how you stood up to Tegan. Thanks.
Casey : And for the record, I know how hard it is to get over him.
Brenda : Well, you and el presidente are looking mighty cozy.
Rebecca : I never mix personal with politics. On the personal front, Casey and I are OK. On the political front, it's open season.
Ashleigh : You're smiley.
Casey : The polls are tracking in my favor.
Frannie : Girls, put down your ice butter and give me your attention. My boyfriend, Evan Chambers, he wanted to make sure this was the most memorable lock-in ever, so he sent us these four masseurs to give us some deep tissue treats, so go grab your robes and get down here for some Swedish satisfaction.
Casey : Hey, Ash, get...!
Ashleigh : You know I'm on your side. But my chakras are a mess.
Frannie : Hey, Casey, maybe you should go first. You're looking a little tense.
KT HOUSE – Hallway
Rusty : So, we're in agreement? No matter what happens, we stick together. I love you guys. Break!
Woodchuck : Where are they?
Rusty : I don't know.
Arrowhead : We're all gonna die!
Rusty : Guys? Guys? Ben? Guys! Guys! Beav, we called a truce.
ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway
Brenda : I feel all loosey-goosey.
Laura : I just wish I hadn't inhaled all that gelato beforehand. I need to stop eating like a 500 pound man.
Frannie : Hey, you guys, I have a great idea. What if we play a game of I Never? Come on.
ZBZ Girl : OK.
Casey : How original.
Ashleigh : Are we gonna play?
Casey : We have to.
Frannie : What's a better way to learn about your fellow sisters than by sharing secrets? Everyone circle up. Great. Very good.
Brenda : How do you play?
Rebecca : Were you homeschooled? Each girl says something they've never done. If another girl in the circle has done that thing, she steps into the middle of the circle. Once they step out, the game starts anew. I'll go first. I never have taken public transportation.
Laura : I never ran up a 1,500 dollar credit card bill in two weeks.
Ashleigh : I see how it is. I never stalked an entire a capella singing group. Was that... Was that you?
Brenda : I never had sex with Evan Chambers.
Frannie : I never served as ZBZ president without being officially elected.
Casey : I never lost my presidency after being forced to resign in scandal.
Frannie : I never lost my virginity to Cappie and wrote some stupid poem about it. Come on, Case, get in the center.
Casey : Don't you ever touch me again!
Frannie : Or what?
Casey : Or this!
Max : I fixed your phone.
Casey : Want some water?
A few minutes later…in the kitchen.
Casey : So now you know, I'm a girl who... I like to throw drinks in other girl's faces.
Max : Is this a compulsive thing, like Tourette's?
Casey : No, it was totally optional, and you know what? I enjoyed it! But I can't do it anymore, Max! I can't compete with Sarah. She was a world-saving Buddhist philosopher who d*ed tragically young from cancer. Last week I got visibly upset someone dribbled coffee on my Entertainment Weekly.
Max : Nobody likes stains.
Casey : I've been trying to be someone I'm not for you. And... it's tiring. And it just doesn't work. No matter how great the guy is...
Max : You think I'm a great guy?
Casey : Yeah.
Max : I think you're great, too. And look, Sarah was not a saint. She smoked weed. Bags and bags of weed. She had severe bouts of serious road rage. I once saw her litter. My point is, I like you. I don't want you to be someone else. You're so... so alive.
Casey : You like me because I'm alive?
Max :
Casey : Pretty broad criteria.
Max : You don't do anything halfway. When you needed to learn how to count cards you hired an advisor. You bought me a vintage tux. I still owe you money for that. And I love the way you told me about your ran over cat and then you felt crazy for telling me. I love that you just threw a drink in that girl's face. You're just... you're the first thing that's made me want to come out of my room since Sarah d*ed. I'm so happy when I'm around you.
Casey : And I'm happy when I'm around you, too.
Max : Should we go finish that girl off in there now?
Casey : She can wait.
KT HOUSE - Basement
Cappie : I'd rather finish my date with you. Everybody out but the pledges and Pledgemaster Wade. Thanks for sitting on them.
Beaver : Can I please stay and watch you crush their spirit?
Cappie : No, Beav. Tonight's transgression was a major letdown. Because it took you so long to do it.
Rusty : What are you talking about?
Cappie : You passed the test. No KT would put up with being a maid all day this far into pledging. We wanted you to bond together and revolt. Prove that you've got KT blood coursing through your veins.
Pickle : So, you're not gonna punish us?
Ben Bennett : Dude, you're a genius. You got us to do exactly what you wanted.
Arrowhead : Does free will even exist?
Cappie : A question for another day, Arrowhead.
Rusty : That's impressive.
Cappie : You know what? You guys are impressive. All right, everybody upstairs for drinks and a Steven Seagal marathon. Hard to k*ll, followed by another showing ofHard to k*ll. Come on, big guy. Get up there, have fun.
Wade : So we wanted them to rebel?
Cappie : It's elementary, my dear Wadeson. If our intent wasn't for the pledges to revolt, then the pledges got one over on the actives. The pledges are in control, then the lunatics have taken over the asylum. Black is white, up is down, left is right, boobs are bad, cuddling is good etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth, until we're back to being cavemen.
Wade : I guess you're right.
Cappie : Do you remember when we were pledges and we... we handcuffed Egyptian Joe to that truck stop urinal?
Wade : Yeah. He said it was genius. Then he hazed the crap out of us.
Cappie : That's right. Their guard's down now, which is exactly where we want them to be.
Wade : For Hell Week.
Cappie : Hell, yeah.
CRU – Michael’s Office
Michael : I look forward to meeting you, too, Dr. Hanson. Merci.
Calvin : You look like you're about to faint. Who was that?
Michael : That was Princeton on the phone. They want to meet. Evan mom made the introduction.
Calvin : That's awesome. He didn't even mention anything to me. I guess he is using his power for good, keeping it a secret, like a superhero. Why don't you look like someone who's about to meet with Princeton?
Michael : I'm just a little nervous, I guess. Leaping into the unknown.
Calvin : Here's something to calm your nerves.
Michael : What's this?
Calvin : A gift. It's the bottle of wine you ordered at dinner last night. A case and thought it would be. Nice to give you a bottle to thank you for introducing him to it. Nice guy?
Michael : Yeah.
Calvin : All right, so let's go back to your apartment and celebrate.
Michael : Why not?
EXT. CRU
Ashleigh : And we're walking, and we're walking and we're walking. Over there is the Michael Grant Fitness Center. Built in 2003 with a 20 million dollar endowment by Michael Grant, CRU's firs ever professional baseball player. Inside you will find state of the art exercise equipment, and lots of toned, sexy people. Moving on, to our right, that there tree is known as Shady Lady. And lounging beneath her awesome boughs are my best friend, Casey, and her new boyfriend, Max. They are CRU's cutest and newest couple on campus. Finding a quality mate is just one of the many advantages to attending Cyprus-Rhodes. And we're walking and we're walking...